The Bugle - Bugle 4033 – America’s over there

Episode Date: June 17, 2017

Andy is joined by Hari Kondabolu to find out what's happened in Trump Town lately. Also Megan Kelly news, Sport/not sport and a Father's Day guide. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Dancelaguard fans, you will be thrilled to know a book is coming out if you fund it via Unbound. We are publishing the Dancelaguard Reader by Alice Fraser and Dancelaguard, a glorious insight into the world of Dancelaguard, self-published romance maven, and online bestseller. If you would like to find out how to support it, go to thebugelpodcast.com. If we get enough support, we will publish the book. That's a real thing that's going to happen. Thebugelpodcast.com to support the Danciler Guard Reader. A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A- Audio newspaper for a visual world. Hello, bugleers and welcome to issue 4,033 of the world's leading and only audio newspaper for a visual world. The bugle or for those of you listening in Morse code.

And if you're listening in semaphore, this is... If you are one of our many listeners who are aquatic mammals, welcome to... Thank you, Finnie and Blower, have some herring. I am Andy's ultimate. Please, that's lovely of you to say so, but you're embarrassing me now. And I'm here in London, whether you like it or not, I imagine you're probably ambivalent of that fact. And joining me from the biggest of all the apples, New York City, it's a big welcome back to Harry Kondabolo. Hey Andy, how are you?

I'm very well thanks. How have you been? It's been a few months since you were lost on this show. I mean, look, every day we're all still around. You gotta be happy for that. Trump being president, it really, it makes me take a stark and things.

Like it makes me value every day. Like it was my last day. So that's made you appreciate life more. I mean, these are the benefits of the Trump years that the mainstream media never tell us about. Now, all these people, you know, finding themselves, finding the true meaning of existence, you know, finding themselves, finding the true meaning of existence. You know, when it happens, if he hadn't, if he hadn't so gloriously won that election.

Oh, yeah, I totally wouldn't, I mean, it's strange to be this optimistic. I think it's also a slow acceptance of death. Oh, right. And coming to terms of the fact that none of us are going to be around that much longer in the grand scheme of things and Who am I to be depressed about that? So, you know, I live my life just you know Talking saying random things So I mean at the point that matter can say whatever I want what's gonna happen and how have you filled

Fill the months since you're your lost appearance on the bugle? I did some touring. What you can, you know, when I used to tour, I'm like, oh, this is great for the long-term career, building a fan base, you know, getting people to buy my album. And now it's a way to say goodbye to a lot of people. People I wasn't sure if I was going to see again. And now I get to go to all these different cities and say goodbye to them. Perhaps meet the children that I haven't met because I tore so much. I don't, you're like, oh, you had a kid, you got married,

I had no idea. And then I could say hello and goodbye at once. I mean, it's nice. That's a lovely way of putting it. This is Bugle 433, 433 Coincidentally. The number of people it takes to change 433 light bulbs simultaneously. Also, interestingly, 4333 is the number of spoons you would have to melt down in order to have it off spoon metal to make a new single spoon big enough to stir a shark tank at an aquarium if you

filled it with tea. That is a scientific fact. This is the bugle for the week beginning Monday, the 19th of June 2017. On the 18th of June, 1812, 205 years ago, the US declared war on the UK. I want an apology for that, Harik. That's unacceptable behavior. It was the start of the war of 1812, as it was spectacularly called. Good tactics that. Try and keep it short. To what? I mean, it didn't work. It went on until 1815, but better than the 100 years war, which kind of inevitably

then lasted over 100 years. In all fairness, Andy, at time my ancestors I believe were being subjugated by your ancestors. Right, you know, so maybe the apology should be coming from the other end. Look, I think we've been through this before. If we in Britain start apologizing, that will open up a dam that may never again be secured. We have to bottle it up. What we do in Britain. The war of 1812, according to the USA, was a victory for the USA, according to Canada, was a victory for Canada. And according to Britain was a minor little hoo-haw equivalent to a gentle stromash of the church fate over a rogue biscuit. But from that emerged the American national anthem, the star-spangled banner, written, I believe, in 1814,

which translated into modern English, essentially just says, f*** you, Britain. That's always lovely to hear. On the 16th of June, 1723, Adam Smith was born, the celebrity Scottish economist, not so interested in the invisible hand, back then, of course, the celebrity Scottish economist, not so interested in the invisible hand, back then of course the newborn economist more interested in the visible tit, but it

is thought that the 294 year old wealth of nation star is rumoured to be on the verge of a surprise comeback from beyond the grave with the new theory and the impacts of unbridled free markets on social equality, his theory called the invisible headbutt. This week a natural world food accessories section. Now of course natural eating is all the rage. These days and we review the latest eating gadgets in which humanity is learnt from the natural world to be able to eat better. We look at the latest range of wailables, that's a terrific company, their new Berlin filters that enable us humans to eat plankton, oh natural when we go swimming in the sea. We reviewed the Tiger Gobs steak tooth, which you've just affixed to your upper jaw to maximise your meat tearing capabilities.

Now comes in the full range of K nasiol canine and prehistoric saber. The bird tech pasta beak, modeled on the proven avian worm-pecking technology the beak, you simply clip the pasta beak onto your face and get stuck into your bowl of spaghetti, also choose before regurgitating linguine into your children's waiting mouths. The boviacs multi-tum, what works for the cow, works for the now, one of the great catchy slogans of the modern marketplace. In today's health conscious vegan influence food era, the multi-tum gives you the tried and tested quadrhist stomach, enjoyed by cow since time immemorial. To get every single plausible nutrient from those unappetizing leaves,

you feel applies to eat these days. Free with the multi-tum comes a ruminatics pre-tube veg to grinder to get that initial mulching phase up and running. And also we review the insectic chunder ketchup. If it works for the flies, it works for the wise. Start pre-digesting your food by learning from the humble house flies, Balk Marinate technique of vomiting all over its food with this new carrot flavoured acidic puke source. Just a couple of squirts of Chandraketchup will start breaking down even the most unappetising of meals so you can get yourself a new-treated and incredible natural speed, that section

in the bin. Top Story America Updates and well as I said it's been a few months since Harry has been on the show and well we've not it's been a few months since Harry has been on the show and Well, we've not covered absolutely everything that's happened in America in that time We're almost half a year into Trump's first term of the three. He's got plans I mean, he's got FDR written all over him and it is increasingly hard to keep up with he constantly spewing volcano of fury embarrassment and confusion that is the Trump presidency. He is very much the untrainable political puppy that keeps shitting on its own sofa.

Now, Harry, can you possibly explain absolutely everything that's happened in the Trump administration since you last on the show? And in particular, his head'll spat with the former FBI head hon. James Comey. No, I cannot. All right, okay. I mean, I was fully belonging to explain literally everything because I missed a couple of days of it and it's really hard to catch up.

Luckily, Donald Trump documents every day. My documents, I mean, tweets. So you can have a quick summary of where things have been. I think in summation based on the tweets, things aren't good. But if you want to know what the Komi thing, this is my understanding, which again, is steeped in a lack of understanding. The best kind of understanding.

Yes. So basically, there's FBI investigation that James Komi, the FBI, had about whether Russia obstructed in the US election and caught up in that was general Michael Flynn who Trump had appointed for a position. I cannot currently remember but It's you know they they the Trump people so they had no But the Trump people said they had no, like there was no kind of interaction with Russia. There wasn't any kind of arrangements.

There wasn't any interference. All of a sudden, Flynn lied about the fact that he did have interactions with Russia, even though he, I think, believes in statements saying he didn't, but he actually did. And so, the things were starting to get kind of heated there's also some talk about Jared Kushner who is one of the president's uh... main advisors also his son in law who has no political experience uh... possibly trying to set up a direct line with russia

uh... which is also not good right while this was happening donald trump a st uh... komi uh... they've been a director to uh... to leave flinnellon based on the this actually think is a quote uh... you know flin's a good guy

right i mean i mean honestly that that sounds like a thing i made up but i believe that is true that is what he told i have the fby delete to leave Flynn alone because he's a good guy. And that should be an option, it. From a press.

From a dictator, yes. But at that point, Komi, I think, decided that since the FBI is an independent agency, it's supposed to be independent and, you know, should not be told what to do in such a way that he was still gonna press on with his investigation, you know, do his job, you know,

at which point, Trump did the most logical thing, which was to fire him. Right, he was firing the man who was investigating him. Right, that's a most logical thing. And as ever, he's handled matters with the tender delicacy of a rhinoceros midwife, crash tackling a very pregnant flamingo. And this, this, this one thing that I, that struck me was, um, the president said, I need loyalty, I expect loyalty. And then, come and say, I didn't move, speak, or change my facial expression in any way

during the awkward silence that followed. We simply looked at each other in silence. I mean, that sounds like a frankly horrific date, or one of my early gigs on the standoff circuit. LAUGHTER It's very honest. It paints a very vivid picture. I do not think that man is lying.

That sounds about right. I wanna know how long that silence lasted for. I imagine that could have gone on for a full 95 minutes. Abstructing justice, I mean, do you think he's gonna be found guilty of obstructing justice? He's certainly not over guilty of not obstructing justice. Well, I think the two things that seem like obstructing justice is telling the person who is running an investigation to stop the investigation, which would be then obstructing

what some would call justice. The second thing that might be a hang-up is the person who was investigating all this was then fired by the investigate T. I'm not sure if that's a word. And that seems like an obstruction, like a clear like you're stopping because I am firing you, obstructing you from doing your job because it's not your job anymore. So those are a couple of things.

It's funny, Andy, as we've discussed this, it's weird because I think for years, people when they've talked about governments and the Middle East or in the continent of Africa would say things, when there was a controversy regarding an election or people getting killed or fired, they would say things like, well, that's just how it works over there.

And we're over there now. We're over there. America is the over there. Another American news, Megan Kelly, who was recently hired by NBC News from Fox News, because that's clearly a good idea. Decided to interview Alex Jones, who is very much a fringe figure in the US. Conspiracy theorist, Alex Jones, publicly has said that he believed that 9-11 was a government conspiracy. He believes that Sandy Hook, which is the shooting that killed all those children in the elementary school was actually, again,

also done by the government that they were actors. There's a lot of questionable things this man has said. Well, it shouldn't for you to call those questionable. Well, I'm trying to be impartial here. Right. I'd migh the journalistic integrity you're bringing. Because those theories are, they're not so much far fetched as just firing a dog into a spate in a rocket and shouting, fine- stick, find a stick, good doggy. Is that when he's that? Well, I would first say can we interview the dog? Right. And see if that actually happened. How, I mean, how prominent? Because we talked a bit about the outright a few, and the word right just seems so wrong. A few, a couple of months ago,

how, how problem is Alex Jones? His info was website, was granted a White House press pass earlier this year, which seems, I mean, that's in terms of ruthless, journalistic factory, they seem to fall slightly below the ideal bar for people you want being given a press boss by the fucking White House. Yeah, but the rules have changed, Dan.

All right. I mean, it's not hard to get a press pass anymore. National Enquire probably has a press pass. There are probably people who had geocities and angel fire webpages in the early to mid-90s who have, is that a thing, Andy? I don't even know if that's a thing in the UK. Oh, so, who have, is that a thing Andy? I don't even know if that's a thing in the UK. Oh, so when it sounds like I think you said it convincingly,

so I'm gonna, I'm, Chris, he's nodding his head. So that's, that is a thing. Okay, that is a thing. I mean, again, not, the only people that don't, you know, have a tougher time getting press passes or anybody who's like, you know, reporting news, but that's right. What about Marvel comics?

Like, like, like, Marvel does, but DC doesn't, okay? So there's integrity. This is a fair question. I mean, Megan Kelly's taking a lot of heat for interviewing this person. And my question is, what's the worst that can happen if you give a maniac media attention?

Like, what are the possible long term consequences? Name one possible consequence. One giant, unqualified, you know, deceitful consequence. Right. You're basically saying Alex Jones is going to win the 2020 presidential election. Is that? I mean, honestly, at this point, like, there was a time where you couldn't bet on that. You could, but you really couldn't bet on that. And now, there's money in that.

There is the possibility of making a major payday. Like it's, with $100, I could make, you know, I mean, I could have made a billion dollars, but now it's probably about a million. I could make about a million dollars, but now it's probably about a million. I could make about a million dollars. One more point about the story. So Alex Jones apparently audio recorded both the pre-interview and the interview on the slide and has released pieces of that which show Megan Kelly being very sick of fantic, also lying to Alex Jones and saying that he would have final editorial control and basically

giving more context to things he said. Now, he still set up a bunch of maniacal things, but it doesn't make Megan Kelly look good. I mean, she already looked terrible for interviewing Alex Jones, but it kind of also destroys her big Sunday night interview with the maniac. Right. So, see, more of you on one hand, I megan kelly is you know being destroyed and on the other hand this is this isn't a good look for anybody my my view of this is that this whole the whole interview was a government set up in which they are trying to showcase Alex Jones'

idiocy in order to discredit other conspiracy theorists who are actually onto something. I read it this morning too, actually. Did you read the info wars? Yeah, I was on info wars. And more humorous American news. Fox News has changed its motto which for years has been fair and balanced to most watched most trusted which is a lie which is consistent with the brand. Could they not have just put ironic quote marks around fair and trash? Or an asteris? Or an asteris that just says Americans most gullible. I mean, there must be something.

Well, presumably one answer next to fair. And a double answer next to violence. Ha-ha-ha. Actually, I came up with some other options that I think they probably rejected. Well, they didn't reject them because I didn't propose them. But I think maybe more accurate. I thought, instead of fair and balanced, perhaps they could have changed it to fair skinned

and balanced. That allows them to, it's less work. You just have to put an arrow with the word skinned. They could call it the news, the news in question marks, or again, in italics to indicate sarcasm right now with less orally which could draw could draw some more moderates over party like it's 1984 more festive more festive and the final option I had is you want the truth, we can't handle the truth. So all those potential slogans now give an a fair chance. This is a very exciting moment for American news coverage.

Probably they've also dropped another slogan, we report, you decide. LAUGHTER MUSIC British election after Moth news now, and we recorded last week, Hari, within hours of the election here. And in fact, this is, as I said, a law on bugle 4,033, which is coincidentally the number of times at the first post-election meeting of her new cabinets that Prime Minister Theresa May said the words, can you all stop looking at me like that, please?

It's been an odd time in British politics, and again, it's been overshadowed by another horrific tragedy in London this week, and no one knows quite what is going on now. And yet just a month ago, we seem to be looking at a thousand years of Tory rule. Essentially, that seemed to be what a lot of the newspapers were predicting. But basically it was the end of everyone else. And Theresa May was basically going to become the new bow to see her, but better. And now she's been looking like she may not last. I mean, basically every minute is a bonus for Theresa May as Prime Minister at the moment.

And people started to look back now and wear it all went wrong. As campaigns go, the Conservatives campaign was about as well thought out and executed, as when renowned polar explorer, so appears plough a dugus wick in the early 20th century, turned up the coast of Antarctica on a kids' tricycle with little ski straps of the wheels a tin of sardines and a pair of novelty underpants with a first bottom to the bottom of the world slogan on the arse and started shouting at the penguins free fish for whoever can tell me which way south is

it's a secret about as that as well planned as that and just what you thought things couldn't get any worse for the British voting public. She brought back Michael Gove, the viral former education and justice secretary. And he is now back in top level politics, like like a dog returning to a museum of its own vomit. It's been an interesting time. Did you follow our election? So I mean, that's just been weird elections going on, seems across the world for about the last three years.

A little clarification. So Theresa may called for this election, right? Just to kind of reinforce the idea that it would reinforce her stronghold. And this appears, correct me if I'm mistaken, this appears to be the same move that Cameron did with Brexit, which also backfired. So she did the same thing that he had done. So she doubled down on that idea of I'm going to call an election to prove that this will work in my favor.

Yes. I am in charge. Wow. Essentially, in successive years, we've had a conservative prime minister playing a silly little game with the entire future of the nation and losing against apparently unsomountable odds in favour of a win. Yep, you've got to admire the achievement. Frankly, if you could have set out to find a way of getting Britain to leave the European Union,

or vote to leave the European Union, and then for the Conservatives to tank what seemed to be, as I said last week, an open goal of an election. I'm not sure anyone could have actually planned that deliberately. So to have achieved it, accidentally is a frankly staggering performance. Where to now for the UK, the government's now relying on the Democratic Unionist Party from Northern Ireland, reigning a 25-time winner of the UK political party of the year from the Hardline outdated Social Conservatism

monthly magazine, which is a slight concern for people who are not fans of hard-line outdated social conservatism. Various options on the table for us, hurry. Option one is just sitting in the corner quietly weeping at what we've done to ourselves over the past few years. Quite an attractive option, that to be honest. Option two is another general election, but the Conservatives are not keen having just failed to win what was a sitting duck of an election. And when you find yourself being bodyslammed by a sitting duck and you end up lying on the

floor looking up at the duck begging for mercy while sticking quacks in your face and threaten to wrap you and a Chinese pancake with some plum sauce, clearly things are not going too well for you. Option three is just do nothing much, just going to hang around and chill for a bit. That's in between the government's preferred option right now. Theresa May has said we now need a period of stability in this country which is rather like someone who's just driven a bus off a cliff into a swamp spluttering to the surface and saying I tell you what this bus could really really do with and that is a

period without anyone driving off a cliff into a swamp. And option four is just to activate the special button under the Queen's crown that turns her into a real monarch. Proper, medieval style, suit of armour, massive sword, let's get back to British basics monarch. It's what the country wants, it's what the country needs. And your beautiful use of language almost makes things better. Haha. Ha ha. Ha ha. Ha ha. Ha ha. Ha ha. Ha ha. Ha ha. Ha ha. Ha ha. Ha ha. Ha ha. Ha ha. Ha ha. Ha ha. Ha ha. Ha ha. Ha ha. Ha ha. Ha ha. Ha ha. Ha ha. Ha ha. Ha ha. Ha ha. Ha ha. Ha ha. Ha ha. Ha ha. Ha ha. Ha ha. Ha ha. Ha ha. Ha ha. Ha ha. Ha ha. Ha ha. Ha ha. Ha ha. Ha ha. Ha ha. Ha ha. Ha ha. Ha ha. Ha ha. Ha ha. Ha ha. Ha ha. Ha ha. Ha ha. Ha ha. Ha ha. Ha ha. Ha ha. Ha ha. Ha ha. Ha ha. Ha ha. Ha ha. Ha ha. Ha ha. Ha ha. Ha ha. Ha ha. Ha ha. Ha ha. Ha ha ha. Ha ha. Ha ha. Ha ha. Ha ha. Ha ha. Ha ha. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Ha ha. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Ha ha. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Are you geared up for the big day? I'm flying away and leaving my family. I'm going to can for the week. That's the greatest gift I could have asked for.

Are you going to be hanging out on yachts? No. I'm going to be in a hotel room. All right, cool. Working. Glamerous. That counts, yeah. I will be celebrating Father's Day

by going to the Champions trophy. Click his side. And looking up statistics all day. So what fatherhood is all about. But for any bugle-fathers out there, we are giving away six free pieces of audio-fathering. Simply play these snippets to your children at the appropriate moments. And guarantee a successful fathering bonds for life. ["Farmer of Life"] ["Farmer of Life"]

Kids, there is no tooth fairy anymore. Got done for tax evasion. Banks are right, I say. Not a fucking penny. You want to know why you're schooled as never trampoline. Look, no further than the fairy. ["Farmer of Life"] Hey kids, bad news about Santa.

He's looking at a 10 stretch for illegal employment practices, breaking and entering, trespass, DUI and anti-semitism. No, no smoke without fire. So you want to be an astronaut when you grow up? Well, it's a nice idea, but let's be realistic, more likely call-center, or if you're lucky, barista. Well, they will probably be able to download coffee by then. Well, it's different now, kid. Put your toy rocket down and play with that actual phone.

Good question, kid. Why don't you fucking look it up? There's a reason we've got Wi-Fi. Well, kid, you think things are shit now? Just wait until you're 120 begging for the merciful claw of the Reaper. That section in the bin, oh no, after that, it's not that, it's a Lego. That is your complimentary vehicle, Father's Day, Father in Guide. It is now time for the not sport sports section. And Harry, there's been some sensational competition in the world of not sports in America.

Well, first of all, I take offense to the characterization of the spelling B as not a sport. Right. Okay. It is boxing of the mind, Andy. Right. These young people either have to memorize a ton of words or if they don't know the spelling of word, decode it by learning the roots of the word. Is it Latin?

What kind of letters will be used if it was a Latin root or a Greek root or a Sanskrit root? That's incredible. That to me, that is sports. And Indian Americans happen to dominate this particular sport. I have coined a phrase. I call it the Indian Super Bowl. Right.

We have a sports dynasty, 10 straight Indian American winners, 10 straight Andy. That's like the Yankees or the Montreal Canadiens or the Boston Celtics. This is a dynasty, all right? That's rare in sports. And also, let's think about the fact that these are a colonized people, right? Indians are a colonized people by the British. We had to learn English.

So not only do these kids come from that legacy, they dominate the English language. They know all the different spellings of the thing. I feel like if the UK had a spelling bee like this, I really do think that Asians in the UK would dominate as well. I think you're probably, I mean in Britain, I think we'd struggle to spell spelling bee, frankly. We might not make it past the entry form.

And the Indian Americans dominate the spelling by the way, white people dominate the American power structure. Right. That being said, does anyone want to trade? I am open to trade. So it's interesting. I mean, that spelling means aren't such a big thing here. There've been a couple of TV shows over here, I think.

But I mean, even for my competition loving self, watching people spell words out loud on telly is that that's that's one step too far. Oh, I'm interested in know that that level of competition is there much trash talking? Do you see, you know, some of competition is there much trash talking? Do you see some very well-structured and accurate trash talking between the competitors? I'm saying you are an absolute bell-end, B-E-L-L-E-N-D. Of course, I mean, every word of this audio newspaper, the bugle, is spelled correctly. We take our responsibility to linguistic, Icarusy very seriously indeed. And, but also it's interesting as you say that in America,

the Indians dominate so much because there isn't a cricket in America. And I've spent most of the last three weeks watching cricket in my other role as a cricket statistician. I've been to quite a few games involving India, also Pakistan, Bangladesh, Sri Lanka, and it just makes you think the amount of obsession that those Asian nations devote to cricket. When you remove cricket and leave them only with spelling, total world domination, and it does suggest what would India as a nation achieve if it ceased to spend all of its time watching cricket.

And also, what do people who spend all their time watching cricket? What might, for example, someone like me, I don't want to go down this wormhole. I do not want to disappear down what might have been of that train of thought. Let me derail that train of thought. I haven't watched cricket in a long time, Andy. How was Sunil Gavaskar doing?

Well, I mean, he's here at the moment. He's doing TV for any bugle listens, not familiar with the work of the former all-time test match record run score. Oh, he's not playing anymore. No, I think he played his last match for India in 1988. I believe. Oh, my God. Have a couple Dave. Retiring with 10,122 test runs to his name, of course. He quit mid 90s I would say. Oh jeez. How about that Australian bloke? What's his name? Ned Kelly? No. Donald Bradman.

Donald Bradman very much out of the game these days. Bradman definitely lost his edge due to having died at the age of what, 92, about 15 years ago. But I mean, there's no substitute for experience. So you've still back him to do a job and Australia didn't play that well in this tournament. Never say never say never. Is that you blown out of cricket references now? Yeah, pretty much. That Australian guy. In other non-sport news, a European court of justice ruling has ruled that bridge the

card game is a sport. To which the obvious response is, no it's f***ing isn't. It's a card game. It's not a sport. It is absolutely not a sport. But the advocate general, Macy Edge Spooner, and a data pronouncing. Describe sport as an activity requiring a certain effort to overcome a challenge or an obstacle

and which trains a certain physical or mental skill. That does not define a sport. That would make amongst the list of sports, not just bridge, but tax evasion, parenting. You're an 18 into a fish bond off a 30 meter high telegraph pole. I mean, that requires physical and mental skill and a significant obstacle and challenge.

Becoming a hit man, that's not a sport. I'm not criticizing it, but it's not a sport. That would make driving into London on a three-lane road at 2 a.m. whilst keeping to the 40 mile an hour speed limit. That would make that a sport that the mental discipline required to do that is absolutely off the scale. And also, it would make a sport breaking wind at a funeral without anyone noticing. I mean, this is opening up an absolute can of non-sporting worms.

I will tell you what sport is, Mr. Spooner. Sport is sport, and what that is, is when people do something physical in competition, which, and this is the crucial defining factor, it performed in front of a crowd badly, would make that crowd go AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH or swear at them for ruining their weekend. That is what sport is. If you cannot ruin a spectator's weekend by being bad at it, well, messing it up, it or not, in the very serious and fully functioning American government,

there is one called vermin supreme. He wears a large shaw on his head and has promised everyone a free pony. Have you come across this guy vermin supreme? I mean, I haven't much professional wrestling in a while, Andy. Right. In Canada, Devon continues,

there's a party that was made for the bugle, the Rhino party. They will abolish federal debt by putting it on a visa card and reporting it stolen. That is the kind of lateral thinking that top-level economic needs. It's pretty much how the city of London works. Also they propose to make the Canadian climate more temperate by tapping into the natural resource of hot air in Ottawa. Zeng, take that Canadian politics,

and providing higher education by building taller schools. I mean, that's pun politics surely has to be the future in this confusing, confused age. Do keep your emails coming into hellobueglers at thebueglepodcast.com. That brings us to the close of thisPodcast.com. We'll be doing it June 27 in Brooklyn and Littlefield and June 29 and 30th in Seattle at the theater of Jackson. And then I'll be doing Stand Up in July, the 9th July 9th in Salt Lake City at Wiseguys, July 12 in Phoenix at Stand Up Live, July 13 through the 15th at Denver Comedy Works. And in August, I got dates in San Diego for La Delvia Baltimore and Burlington Vermont. You can find them on my webpage, hurrykundabalu.com and again more realistically,

Google the word hurry, H-A-R-I in comedian and then Google say, did you mean and that is likely what I meant, yes. I'm doing satirist for hire at the other belly. This Tuesday, the 20th of following Tuesday, the hideaway in Stretem I'm hosting a fundraising gig for my children's primary school with Jeremy Hardee, Sophie Hagen and John in the Baptist, so come along to all of those shows, all of you. The Bugle is a proud member of Radio Topia from PRX, made possible with great support from our founding sponsors, The Night Foundation.

Until next time, thank you very much for listening. Goodbye.