The Bugle - Bugle 4046 – Retronauts and prairie skirts

Episode Date: October 13, 2017

Andy, Hari and Helen look at the war on coal, school bus news, Columbus Day, and The Great British Bake Off Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Dancelaguard fans, you will be thrilled to know a book is coming out if you fund it via Unbound. We are publishing the Dancelaguard Reader by Alice Fraser and Dancelaguard, a glorious insight into the world of Dancelaguard, self-published romance maven, and online bestseller. If you would like to find out how to support it, go to thebugelpodcast.com. If we get enough support, we will publish the book. That's a real thing that's going to happen. Thebugelpodcast.com to support the Danciler Guard Reader. A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A- Audio newspaper for a visual world. Hello! You blew! And welcome to issue 4,046 of the bugle audio newspaper for a visual world. I have some words, you have some ears, there is now nothing to stop this thing happening. This is for the week beginning Monday the 16th of October 2017,

although we are recording on Wednesday the 11th of October, so by Monday up to 85% of today's show could have transmuted from lie to fact, and or vice versa. I'm Andy Zoltzmann and what I say goes... No word. And I'm here in London, the city where, as we speak, Britain is collectively gearing itself up for a long, slow run-up and jump over the Brexit brick wall of democratic obligation into the shattered, boggling, half-eaten, cabab filled, we leap in a freedom, great times of your life. Joining me this week, two people from very, very different sides

of the Atlantic and with equally different degrees of blood relation to me. Firstly, from the world-eating Zoltzman Jean Poul. It's the founder of Wisdom, Helen Zoltzman. Hi Andy. Hello, hello. Hello, you're Douglas. You've got a cough. I do have a cough, maybe I'll treat you a bit of that later. Right. I'll look forward to that. Yeah. You know, if one enjoys hearing someone cough in a gutter all the way, what could be finer? Um, I think in fact, one of the last viewers I recorded with John Oliver before he, uh, he high-atus. He had a horrific cough. I don't think we ever put it out in. Yeah, we got 10 minutes in and bend it off. Yeah, somewhere. Wow Yeah That was his way of telling you that it was over

Are you calling it a haitus or a cool or a rebirth? We will let history be the judge of it Think of Renaissance. Yeah, that was the Renaissance, right? And then or this is the Renaissance. That was a Renaissance. This is just a cough Well, we don't know yet. We don't know if this cough is spelling the end of bugle 2.0. That does sound like a tight level, really obscure country in western song.

That was the renaissance. That was a bad. Anyway, you've already heard him. The man who was there at the very, the birth of the renaissance, the nasons of the renaissance. The first episode, almost exactly one year ago, it's taking a well earned break

from being on the same continent as his president here in Europe, escaping temporarily. It's Harry Contabolo. Is this still Europe? Oh, well, it is for at least another two years. Oh, right. Nice to be in Europe. And then we'll have our own continent. They're digging some kind of great continental crack across the channel. There is a very brief period of time where I thought this country was so stupid and was so beneath the United States and then the election happened and we were worse. Congratulations! There was a small period though with Brexit, that small little window that felt good. We topped you once again. So welcome, Harry. This recording was delayed by about 40 minutes due to a slight issue with having two bronze-wake places in London.

Yes, there's two bronze-wake places and apparently N1 in NW1. Different! Did you do that W means nothing? Why would you edit it out if it meant nothing? That's strange that you've W as a placeholder in this country. So, so, if you have not enjoyed the first 45 minutes of this show, which will just silence as we waited for. It's a great, a bit of coughing. It might be Chris, maybe edit that bit out.

But anyway, great, great, have you, great, have you here? I didn't do it. What, what, what brings you to London? Well, I was opening for Chris Rock in Europe. Oh, right. Yes, for, for H.O.s, audiences up to 10,000, 15,000. So a bit smaller than the regular Harry Connabalou solo gigs. Well, it's funny you say that because now

I'm playing Basement in Soho. We're 150 people and I'm happy for the work and I'm happy for their money. I would ever present it to you I get. But yeah, it's a little strange after playing like 10,000 in Amsterdam to play. It's changed you. I expect more. More people, just more people. Just wherever you go. You thought this studio would have a couple of thousand people. I'm like, well, I thought there was always an audience here.

Somehow kept very quiet. That's why you assumed you're going to the far more glamorous. It was pretty glamorous. So we are recording on Wednesday the 11th of October, which means it is 50 years to the day since the 11th of October 1967, a day which sadly brought the death of Stanley Morrison at the age of 78, the famous British typographer who designed numerous fonts, including the classic Times New Roman, one of the, one of them, what you're not, not a fan of Times New Roman, but he was also involved in other classics such as Gil Sans.

Oh, I can get behind that. Yep. Is that nothing to do with Eric Gil? It is, he designed it. Well, that's the problem, isn't it? Yeah, that is a problem given the frankly horrific things he did in his life. Eric Gil, the... ...deen of fonts.

The perpetua, as well as snout trap, omegafloppy, glupadux, crawl, potato vizigodic, nudy nor a wobble scripts, spits and clout stradden, very bold, zingledingle, zongledongle and vlark, all fonts that Morrison personally designed or oversaw the design of, such as Gild Sand. And to commemorate him popping his elegantly-serifed clogs, we are launching three new Bugle-only audio fonts, and we'll each be using a different font in our words on this show, Helen, you'll be using Bugle semi-bold. Can we have an example of that, please?

Does it have serif or no serif? No serif. Great, I'm happy with that. Okay, well you just heard it. Hari will be using Satiricept pointic. So a quick blast of that. So Natalya sized one. That's really a font just to use for occasional impact. I'll be using Hogwash condensed. Another anniversary of 16th of October,

1957, Antonio Villache-Bois, a Brazilian farmer, became the first man to have claimed to have been abducted by aliens. The first high-profile alien abduction case, he claimed he'd been abducted from his tractor by four barking aliens in gray overalls, before being stripped, smiddled over with gel, made to vomit by a not just gasped, and then sexually enthruggled by a lady alien with a bright red jimble gratch before being released and becoming a lawyer. So that's, um, it's like, it's up to regular night out in Tombridge, well, we were growing up, wasn't it? I mean, people aren't given that option for their large degrees anymore.

So you have to go to school as opposed to all that. Yeah. I mean, I don't know if the becoming a lawyer was, you know, part of the abduction story, but, you know, part of his life story. But a law was part of the abduction story, but part of his life story. But then when you become a lawyer, you often haste covered in gel. But I guess if you've been abducted and seduced by aliens, you probably get back to earth and think, well, I'm going to devote myself to the law.

Well, it's the obvious thing to do, isn't it? I wonder if the aliens used to wear overalls because the only American television they had seen was the Beverly Hillbillies, the old US show about hillbillies that moved to Beverly Hills. They were overalls. So perhaps they thought, okay, let's disguise ourselves as people by wearing these these overalls.

And no one would know. Do we have any evidence that the Beverly Hillbillies was transmitted into outer spikes? Do we have any evidence that there were aliens and they exist in outer space? Well, I'm just just a baker go on for years. Where was he abducted from?

Brazil. Brazil. Just a very big contrast as well. A farming Brazil. What a specific farm. Well, I was just wondering whether there was a region. Right. For the farming bit.

Where they grow the farm stuff. There's been any repeat claims of any business. Repeat business. I don't know. What year was it again? 57? Are you sure he wasn't a Nazi? I don't think so.

I think it's quite a young farmer at this time. You sure he wasn't like a Nazi fleeing and he's trying to override the... Oh, that's a Nazi story with the... No, he's the abducted by aliens guy. That totally makes you forget about the Nazi. We can't rule it out. 17th October next Tuesday will be 30 years to the day since I was bar mitzvod. I remember that. Yeah, congratulations.

The penultimate time I ever went to a synagogues. Good out of the loop. But if you do you have to get it updated every 30 years? Not the bar mitzvod bit. The circumcision bit I do. Anyway, but if you are one of those people unfortunate enough Not the barmits for bit. The circumcision bit I do. Anyway, but if you were one of those people, unfortunately enough not to have been at my barmits for and given me a present, why not make up for it now by acknowledging my status

as an adult man in the Jewish community? By buying a ticket, one of my fourth coming US troops. Ah! So thick. To get it. For getting this Sunday at Cobbs in San Francisco, they choose it at the House of Comedy in Phoenix, Arizona.

Thursday and Friday at Nerdmelt in LA, and Saturday at the Aladdin in San Francisco. They choose it at the House of Comedy in Phoenix, Arizona. Thursday and Friday at Nerdmelt in LA and Saturday at the Aladdin in Portland, Oregon. Then we have Toronto the following week Chicago, Boston, Philadelphia, Nashville and Washington, DC, all details on the internet. Well, it's been like your first gig, wasn't it? Pretty good crowd. Uh, pretty good crowd. We're to split them by gender, I thought. It's odd that you're still doing that with your gigs. Well rules are rules Helen, rules are rules. Yes, it was quite weird. I had to read a bit of Isaiah chapter 42. Is that one the ones with all the puns in it? I remember the puns because I never knew what it meant. I just knew how to say the Hebrew bits. I don't think I'd ever actually read the translation.

I think what it says is that you hereby declare you will donate all of your organs to an illegal organ farm. Alright. In fact, we'll meet it. As always, the section of the view is going straight in the bin. This week, look at crypto currencies. We look at all the top cryptocurrencies from Bitcoin and Ethereum and Zcash to pseudo wedge, clinky watches, Percy the Magic purse and Bullies bullshit billions that the new bogus currency launched by the former Wolverhampton Wanderers in England sender forward Steve Bogg.

Oh god. Also we review pigs and axes, that's just a return to basic bartering and V-dolls, which are verbal dollars. We just have to tell someone that you've paid them, say, ten verbal dollars, and they could then spend those verbal dollars somewhere else, slightly over a line on trust, but then not so far removed from, for example, the entire global economy in the concept of money. And we ask for you, which cryptocurrency presents the best pretend universe for you to hell your actual money into? It's all witchcraft people, this world is doomed.

Also, in the bin, look at a new podcast. Uncommitted, the all new false crime podcast about the crimes that could have maybe even should have happened, but never did. Nobody was ever found. No one went missing. Things ostensibly and actually stayed the same as they were. But why? Uncommitted delves deep into the stories and people who were not affected by being the perpetrators or victims of these terrible things that did not take place. That's so, is already bigger than this show. FSO1 looks at the superficially and actually happy marriage of Bertrand and Edna Scratch,

the Milwaukee couple who never murdered each other, to reveal how a once idyllic relationship failed to deteriorate to the extent that murder was not only not the only option, but was never even close to being considered. They had the odd disagreement about sandwich fittings, but other than that, everything seemed to be fine, on the surface, and underneath the surface, or was it? Yes. Next week, the priceless necklace that never moved from the jewellery box. So do tune in for that section in the bin. Top story this week, and humanity versus coal, the great war of our times, is over.

The head of the American Environmental Protection Agency has declared that the war on coal is over. Scott Pruitt said so in the coal mining states of Kentucky, and at last we can breathe more difficulty again as the holy god-given rights to pollute the living **** out of this planet has been preserved by the Trump administration for future generations. Horace, as an American who likes to breathe the most unhealthy air possible, you must be delighted by this.

Well, I find it amazing, Andy Scupper. He rejects the consensus of scientists that emissions from burning fossil fuels are the main cause of global warming, but he's consistent. I want to say that he's consistent because he then claimed gravity was only a theory and had to be restrained by several colleagues after he attempted to prove it by throwing himself from a roof. He's dedicated. Fair play to the lad. He's kind of, because he is notorious climate skeptic, which, I mean, in this day and age, he's basically like being an egg skeptic.

I've never seen one. Well, exactly. Well, you claim something just drops out of a chicken in a shell and you can cook it and eat it. Pull the other one, loser. They all scoffed at Galileo, Andy. They did. Great restaurant.

Oh. Oh. I think you're right. He's, I mean, it is putting Scott Pro in charge of the environment. Sorry, seems to me like putting the thrash metal group anthrax in charge of a neighborhood noise abatement scheme or getting Hironomos Bosch to illustrate a manual about how to run a jam stall at a church fair.

It is not ideal and fraught with risk. Do you think he's just like people who are nostalgic for when cassettes were big? And they claim that cassettes were better than not cassettes. He's just a format retranaut. He's just nostalgic for a different fuel. A format retranaut? Yeah. That's a lovely question.

So, no, a sub vinyl. I'm going to go coal. So that's what all the, the hip world destroys will be into. I like the cassette example because it's just like coal not the best quality exactly not really like he ends up getting thrown away in big bundles and it's there's no value to it no and he's ignoring the fact that there's a lot more money in modern technology such as renewable energy your MP3s yeah I mean it is kind of odd isn't it to it was basically repealing the clean power plan which is a big plank of a farmer's legacy. And because I guess the last thing America wants is to be a global leader in, I'm questioning,

one of the biggest industries of the future. What people voted Trump to do, which will avoid maintaining any position as some kind of global figurehead. Yes. And also, I feel like I'm taking whatever you're saying and just ignoring it and then telling a joke. Oh right, I'm used to that. Okay. I'm actually on my life works. It's not even what you do. Zing, oh, that's been building up for 37 years, Hannon. I mean, it's completely

impractical because coal becomes less useful as the climate gets harder because there's less of a need for creating heat art officially and because we'll all be dead. Oh, I'm going to script to have somebody to look for too, isn't it? I mean it's so shiny! It's fucking... Essentially this is America basically resigning from the 21st century. That's great. As a nation, right? And even China has got behind renewables and given up one coal.

Yeah, but that's largely because it was choking all of its people to death. Maybe that's the future America once. Yeah. Maybe it wants everybody to have a coffe like I've got. Alright, so you're a poster girl for the Trump administration's environmental. I've got a little coal fire burning in my throat at all times. Keep in mind there is going to be growth in the infosimid industry. Normally things about the infosimid industry.

What exactly? There's a lot of things that will benefit from this. Businesses that clean up after environmental disasters. Yeah. That is a growth industry. Yeah. It will save on pensions because more and more Americans will be splashing themselves to death at an early age. That's great. It's nice, he wants to create more jobs again in Kentucky. Jobs that are really unpleasant because you're underground in a coal mine most of the time and usually lead to your

premital death. What do you mean, Helen? The coal industry, no touristly, through its history, has treated its workers like precious jewels, overpaid them wildly and given them only the very best most comfortable working conditions. I'll not have a word said against my beloved cold industry. Besides which would you rather die of? Respiratory illness soon or full-blown dementia later on? Text us your views. At what point does paleontology become coal mining? I don't know I guess it's when you put it in a in and some kind of burner rather than a museum exhibit. Right so I've once pro fossils but fussy about fossil fuels. Yeah it's hypocrisy of the worst kind.

I don't understand how the coal industry has been able to like push their pro-call agenda when we've been taught from a young age the coal is bad. Santa Claus gives naughty kids coal, right there. We're programmed to think it's bad. Santa Claus isn't giving naughty kids solar panels. That's a good point. But he's only given them one lump of coal, so it's not even enough to fuel anything. No.

So really, he's giving them a symbol of coal. So I'm making them whistle, because they haven't even got enough of a shit thing. Right. But it's enough to be like, this is the symbol of bad things. It is coal. There's nothing you can do with this coal. It is evil and wrong. Yeah. Do you remember when Nazism used to be considered a bad thing? And that's how to remark it was funny.

That's, you know, with fashion, everything comes back around. Exactly. Like, like prairie skirts and the swastika. It's a prairie skirt. It's just very flancy, Andy. Right. Every three years, they come back. Oh really? Yeah, okay. Just hang on to the one you've got. Thank you, all I'll do. I'm all about the prairie skiers.

When it comes to the Trump administration's attitude towards climate change science, I'm an I guess, there's an element of wishful thinking involved. And I guess the old saying goes, if you believe in something strongly enough, you can make it happen. Do you know who said that? Marilyn Manson. And in 1997 interview about the album Antichrist Superstar, which coincidentally is Donald Trump's I mean, I

know we have been accused on the show of taking an anti-Trump agenda, but according to this article, the Trump administration has refused a list of the Pacific wal walrus as endangered after deciding that a big Tuskewisca face, large belly-dice bothering, fish guzzling bastard, may be able to adapt to the loss of sea ice that they currently defend on. You know like like dinosaurs adapted to being hit by asteroids. Yeah they were very good at it actually, but they still got crocodiles, aren't they? Yeah, the African black rhino adapted to being hunted to extinction. Yeah, they can do it. If Kevin Kostner can make it in water world, will either

the wars can make it in reality? If a shockingly unqualified man can be President of the United States, will rescues, can put the work in and survive without their habitats. And look how well foxes have evolved into living on the streets of London. Yeah, so you're basically saying that what we want is feral walruses in London. Considering. Going from bin to bin. Yeah, eating chicken carcasses.

Right. Living it up. I'm not think I'd prefer that to the Fox to be honest. Have you ever had your bins rifled through by a walrus, hurry? That's the youth from his own. Then yes. It's, I mean, the background story,

but you know, because Trump is doing this because he, you know, takes revenge on all his enemies. And as we remember in 1987, this was famously happened in Florida at a sea world. A while splashed, Mr. Trump. Right. Destroying his hair. His hair looked great, actually. The best it's ever looked. But they said he destroyed his hair, waited 30 years, finally found his revenge. God, there's so many little bits of endezas. I don't know. Best serve cold.

But not as cold as it would have been 30 years ago. That's it. But I don't understand that the Obama administration actually could have put these walruses on the endangered species list, but they said that there were other animals that were a bigger priority. Right.

So is the endangered species list, is it limited? Is there only a limited number of people that can be added, do the number of people, a limited number of animals that could be added at any particular time? We only have it in our power to give a shit about a limited number of animals at a time. At a time. Also, walruses eat seals and can kill polar bears, so maybe they prioritize those first because

walruses don't have the predator of other walruses. Right. Actually, they do because they can trample each other to death, so yeah, it was a bad decision. How much research did you do though? And so did you make walruses trample each other in your room upstairs in my house? Just wanted to see. They found it really difficult to get up the stairs. I think when people criticize Trump for hypocrisy or not really many what he says, but I think he would quite happily slay a walrus with a chainsaw in one of his weekly YouTube postings, just a make a point.

I mean, what point, it doesn't really matter, as long as a point is being made by him and there's a dead walrus on the floor at the end of it. The Fish and Wildlife Service, which I know is your favourite branch of American government already. Of course. Yeah. So that walrus is unlikely to be considered endangered in the foreseeable future, which apparently is defined as from now until the year 2060.

Now to me, that is a wildly optimistic end date for the foreseeable future, 43 years ago, because 43 years ago, 43 years away, because what in the time between me beginning to read the sentence and me reaching the bit where I say wasp infested pumpkin for the second time? Donald Trump may well have stuck his diplomatic penis back into the wasp infested pumpkin that is North Korea Just to see what happens did that sentence actually end They never end oh no it did it didn't for frankly the foreseeable future these days stretches at best four weeks into the future coincidentally When I'll be finishing my US tool Full dates and his ultimate or code at UK. In fact, I'm beginning to think that the foreseeable future might already have ended and because

of the way the news works, even the past isn't even retrospectively foreseeable anymore either. I mean, what is truth? That's what this war, this war of stories has to me. Are we even recording a podcast right now? Do you even need us here Andy? Not really. It seems to have just like sunk into a strange soliloquy.

What? Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa I mean, with all due respect and much just, I love you dearly. It's not in your top thousand things on best at list. No, no. I've left that to the others. As the ballads of Tumberidge Wells would testify. I mean, as the car I was driving had been mightily trashed by you driving it into a church wall sometime before. That was fine. That was just vengeance. It was rather religious wrongs, our people have suffered. It was fine except for the suspension and brakes.

But that's nothing to do with this story about Le Verne de Ran of Maryland who was very angry one day because as he waited at a red light alongside a school bus, he thought some of the kids on the bus had thrown a bottle at his car. So he got out of his car, banged on the school bus door, tried to refuse to let him on thinking he would be a danger to these kids. And so he did, the only thing any of us would do, Andy. He hung on to the front of the bus, thumping the bonnet with his furious fist, whilst the bus driver slowly drove to the nearest police station.

Although he was arrested before they got there and now faces several charges for disorderly conduct and causing damage to the bus. But I'm sure he had a great time having a little thrill ride. Right. How fast was the bus going but I'm sure he had a great time having a little thrill ride. Right. How fast was the bus going? It looks not fast. Well, I mean, this is a potential very exciting breakthrough for road safety, isn't it? If all buses, lorries and trucks are forced to have an angry shouting man attached to the

front, clamped, mailed, strapped or otherwise, then all traffic will slow down. It looked like he wasn't having much trouble clinging on, so there's probably a foothold already there for people who want to try this. But also it's a bit of a buffer, so you're not going to bump a scrape anybody because there's a man squishing the bumper in fact. What exactly was he shouting? He was shouting. Was it educational? Because it was a school bus. No, he was shouting open the door, open the door, and the driver was providing rebuttals for opening the door and the children behind was screaming

I guess it is the I guess it is the first law of driving a school bus Do not open the school bus door to someone who's coming on to the front of your bus shouting open the door I think it does suggest that they've temporarily gone beyond the point of rational discussion What was the plan was that he was gonna go into the school bus and yeah, who which? Being kid did this yeah, then he was gonna kill all of them until one of them first up. Right, right. Right. It is also not proven that any bottle was thrown.

He may have hallucinated the bottle. Was that a bottle or a brick? Bottle. Oh, I heard it was a brick. Well, he claimed it was a bottle. Oh, right, a bottle. Stop embroidering this story. My mum's like, I must have, I must have misread it.

But, I mean, I guess, you know, it would have been okay. I had, he'd been shouting like an interesting question through the window, such as the bottle, which weighs 1.2 kilograms. Hit the door of my car, which was three meters to the side of and four meters backwards of level with a bus window out of which the brick was thrown. If my car is moving five miles an hour quicker than the bus

and both vehicles maintain lane discipline, with what force and what angle of release trajectory must you throw another bottle identical and size and shape to the previous bottle if you want to hit my rear windscreen in exactly 18 seconds time. That would have been fine for me. And this is why you shouldn't act in the heat at the moment. You should prepare your maths questions. And because every moment is a teaching moment, right? Columbus Day in America. Yes, that's still a thing. Columbus Day in America is the day

where we celebrate Christopher Columbus discovering America and committing a genocide, which is strange because if there were people there, you didn't really discover it. But we still teach children this because we've kind of bought into the lie. Yeah, it's really hard to do. I mean, there's been a lot of talk about changing Columbus State Indigenous Peoples Day, which has happened in Los Angeles and Austin, Texas and other places I can safely play. But at the same time, it's really kind of difficult because it's already kind of in the DNA District of Columbia, Columbia University, Columbia Airspace and Sea Museum, which is a very strange museum that folks is both on Airspace and the sea.

Right, yeah. Well that's a good combination isn't it? Well at this point you can just make up what Columbus did so it doesn't really matter. Well because he didn't actually go to America, did he? He went to various... Yeah, some capital. He went to the Caribbean, yeah. Yeah, he went to the Caribbean and he thought they were Indian people, which also always bothered me.

Right. Because basically what he did to the indigenous and the Caribbean is what he wanted to do to my ancestors. Like that was his goal. Like just turn the boat the wrong way. Yeah, for anybody, or he didn't know there was land there. So it's like, no, you meant to go to India Street, not India Avenue.

It's North first, not Northwest first. And so he did all these terrible things, assuming it was us. Donald Trump's proclamation for Columbus Day said this, the permanent arrival of Europeans to the Americas was a transformative event that undeniably and fundamentally changed the course of human history and set the stage for the development of our great nation.

Now, if we would give you all the historical footnotes that need to come with those 33 words, this podcast would be about 16 years long. That is at best edited highlights. Well, it certainly did change the course for Indigenous Americans. Right. And I'd imagine if they do get this as their day,

it's gonna be a day of sorrow, right? Right, right. It's not super celebrated. No. The day of ****age. Uh, the um, the day of ****age. Also, Trump noted Columbus as an Italian American, The O-f-k-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h the late 15th century would have bumped into the nearest available wall and been sent back where he came from. Yeah, but he was a white immigrant Andy, so he'd keep up. He also Columbus, this was interesting.

In 1502, he wrote something called the Book of Privileges about how much money and possessions he thinks he was owed by the Spanish monarchy. How much is it? Well, I don't know, but I mean, you can see why he's maybe a man off the Donald Trump's heart just banging on about money Bit entitled time also renowned for mismanagement and brutality and despotic rule. I mean they are peas in 525-year-long pod Also, he went out of brief visits to Caribbean islands before I mean the similarities just go on and on and on when clumbus went to hell

Do you think he thought it was heaven? It's a very interesting philosophical question. Do you think Columbus had been alive a few centuries later, who'd have had his own chain of tower block hotels? I think that's likely. He was eventually arrested and imprisoned for his gross misgovernance. That's how those parallels.

They're about there warning. The fact he thought it was India was also strange, because it didn't have any of the clues that perhaps Marco Polo and others have written about, like, there was no spice, there were no elephants. Really, there was nothing that would appear like India, but he was so stubborn, he's like, well, it must be. Close enough, those enough.

The people playing cricket. Right. Celebrity News now and Helen, you're our celebrity chorus partner. Some absolutely sensational news. Mary Berry, the Dave Fakto deputy queen of England, former host of the Great British Baker. Judge Andy. Judge. Yeah, get ranking correct.

Sorry. She has announced some shocking news. She has, she has decided that dining rooms are over. Or did she stop using her dining room? She realized that she and her husband were only using the dining room at Christmas. So now she's moving house, getting rid of the dining room, gonna have a bigger kitchen.

Apparently her husband doesn't approve, but she's going ahead nonetheless, because that is feminism. This is a 21st century relationship. Right. And kitchen dining situation. Yeah. So dining rooms are f***ed. Like if Barry's not behind them, 82-year-old Mary Berry, who I'd imagine has thrown many semi-formal dinner parties in her time. But Andy, you have a dining room. Yeah. I think you should just take the plunge and turn it into a home casino or something. Right. I'd want to turn it into a shrine to Mary Berry.

That's a good use of the space. Do you have the bake off in America? I'll read. I've never heard of this program, but... It's the Great British Baking Show. It's called there. Oh, right. I have American friends who are very into it.

I've never heard of this program. Right. I mean, it's basically, if you can imagine this. It's like Project Runway for Cakes. Yeah. It's a program where people bake cakes. I mean that's pretty much it, isn't it? Do they get taken down a runway? Not all. No, runway. It's all in a big tent. It's the most popular TV show in the history of the universe in Britain. It's essentially our

national refuge now, isn't it? I think because it's tantalizing, you can look at all these cakes but you can't touch or eat them. It's not your national refuge was drinking. When it's drinking You can look at all these cakes, but you can't touch or eat them. Is it not your national refuge? It was drinking. Well, it was drinking sport and the Great British Bake Office, but essentially the 21st century Andersen Shelter, so I was asking this one. MUSIC

And breaking news coming in from the United Nations, apparently all necessary recipes have now been cooked. The UN Special Meals and Nibbles Envoy at Prunetia Dillerswav announced there are more than plenty recipes for everyone now. If you collected all the published and unpublished recipes in the world and all the ones on the telly, even the ones where they just tell you how to peel a carrot or crack a f***ing egg, not to mention all the f***ing cakes and shit, and cooked 3-3 course meals a day plus an afternoon snack for 100 years, you would still have 8 billion recipes left over.

So let's just draw a f***ing mind under it and try to work out how to stop both of this thinking and shit like that. So it's good revolution, nice television. No more new recipes. Shock, book and news now, Helen. Yes. You are a shock book. A press and a women expert. And our shock costume expert. Yeah, for sure. Well, Andy, at the start of October, Austria became the fifth European country to institute a law informally known as the Berkaban. It's the anti-face failing act means

that people's faces must be visible from hairline to chin. So presumably, false moustaches and birds are out. What, hang on, from hairline to chin? Yeah, so as a member of the balding community. Yeah, that's a few. That's a hundred-ish against me. Yeah, sorry. Right.

But really, it's prejudiced against the 150 or so women in Austria out of the total 700,000 Muslims in the country who wear face coverage. Right. So this is an attempt, they say, to make society more integrated without these facial barriers. But people didn't really complain when it was screen masks or whatever.

It is very specifically timed with the influx of the immigrants. But two men have fallen foul of this law in the past few days. Firstly, a millionaire activist who has pledged a million dollar fund in order to pay the burger-band bills of women in Europe who've been done by it. He was wearing a photo of Austria's foreign minister across the bottom half of his face and a suit covered in 100 euro bills and he's had to pay a fine for it. So you can't wear someone's face over your own face. And then a man, hi, I

sorry, did you say 100 euro bills or a 100 year old bills? 100 euro bills. Not the shriveled bills of long dead pelicans. Well, the article didn't state that they might have been there just incidentally. And then another man who was hired to be a promotional mascot for an electronic shop in Vienna called Muck Shark was dressed as a shark and a member of the public shopped him to the police and two police officers approached him, asked him to remove the shark's head because of the anti-face failing act. And he said, I'm just doing my job and refused to take it off.

Right. Now he's got a fine. Right. But police have been asked to relax the law for Halloween because of the rest of the teams. But they could, they can make a lot of money. I like how Halloween is valued more than the religion of Islam. That has more importance to the people of Austria than a religion that is thousands of years

old. It's a to-cicard, psyched festival. But also the shock. I mean, Austria presumably is not that scared of shocks as a nation. But land sharks. Land sharks. Lanturously, mountainous and landlocked. What if they come in on the train? Oh yeah, I didn't thought of that.

Well, if it's really cold, you can't cover your face. No, cyclists have been stopped for wearing scarves over their faces. The thing is, the law was written in a way to seem like it wasn't a religiously intolerant law, and that means people are very confused just how to interpret it. So they're interpreting it to mean anything on your face. How many beekeepers have died? They're all all now. One other piece of celebrity news, David Cameron, God rest his soul,

if it is ever found, has taken a job with an American electronic payments firm. Does he not already have a full-time job? What, of writing his memoirs and Enjoying the trash fire that you live in this country. He's full-time job It's presumably involves going round the United Kingdom house by house saying sorry and writing a preemptive apology No to people who haven't yet been born. Hurry. Have you ever employed a former prime minister? Briefly as a joke right there, right. It was John Major It was I was about 10 at the time. You come up with a good? No, no, it was a terrible idea. I don't know why he responded to my letters.

It was just pleased to be asked. Yeah, this is the strangest job that a world leader, a former world leader has taken on since Nelson Mandela opened up a sandwich shop called a Mandelli. The signature sandwich, the full Nelson, was turkey, Swiss cheese, lettuce, tomato, sweet peppers, and the secret Robin Island dressing. It was tears, Andy. That was what was in the dress. Just one piece of advice for David Cameron. Next time you buy a magic lamp in an antique shop and a genie pops out and offers you three wishes. Maybe drop the, come I put my flojule in a dead pigs mouth in favor of, please can you let me win

my next referendum? That's all I ask. [♪ BELL RINGS, BELL RINGS, BELL RINGS, BELL RINGS, BELL RINGS, BELL RINGS, BELL RINGS, BELL RINGS, BELL RINGS, BELL RINGS, BELL RINGS, BELL RINGS, BELL RINGS, BELL RINGS, BELL RINGS, BELL RINGS, BELL RINGS, BELL RINGS, BELL RINGS, BELL RINGS, BELL RINGS, BELL RINGS, BELL RINGS, BELL RINGS, BELL RINGS, BELL RINGS, BELL RINGS, BELL RINGS, BELL RINGS, BELL RINGS, BELL RINGS, BELL RINGS, BELL RINGS, BELL RINGS, BELL RINGS, BELL RINGS, BELL RINGS, BELL RINGS, BELL RINGS, BELL RINGS, BELL RINGS, BELL RINGS, BELL RINGS, BELL RINGS, BELL RINGS, BELL RINGS, BELL RINGS, BELL RINGS, BELL RINGS, BELL RINGS, BELL RINGS, BELL RINGS, BELL RINGS, BELL RINGS, BELL RINGS, BELL RINGS, BELL RINGS, BELL RINGS, BELL RINGS, BELL RINGS, BELL RINGS, BELL RINGS, BELL RINGS, BELL RINGS, BELL RINGS, BELL RINGS, BELL RINGS, BELL RINGS, BELL RINGS, BELL RINGS, BELL RINGS, BELL RINGS, B to quickly wrap up. Sport now and the USA has been knocked out of the World Cup, Harry. Well, whilst you've been here. Not bad. Oh my god. Oh my god. The USA men's football team failed to qualify for the last seven World Cup in a row, but they lost out to the mighty Panamar and Honduras.

Now, European football. Well, no, it's just football. Oh, we call it European football. No, it's football. I think you'll find it's just called football. We call it European when you are very wrong. I mean, now America must be absolutely devastated. It's not to have made it to the World Cup. Yeah, so devastated that. I didn't even know we were playing right now. Yeah, because often grief makes you forget things. Yeah, I blocked it out immediately.

Well, just just check the headlines on the US newspapers. Do we still have payle? Payle. Yeah. What's paylays? Paylays. Yeah. What's that? He was a soccer player. Oh, paylays. Right. Right.

I thought it was some kind of contactless card payments. That's a, he played European football. Right. I mean, this is a huge story in American sport. A new logo for USA. It's very exciting. Well, the biggest question that has been discussed regarding European football is when we'll is when will Colin Kaepernick be signed by a European football team? Right.

It has yet to be resolved. Well, taking the need, that's, I mean, that's, well, people don't just take the need in European football, they just throw themselves to the ground. They won't have the time to be injured. That's the ultimate form of protest against racially justice in America. Just to click update on World Cup injuries with the tournament now, just what, nine months away, Brazilian stars, Waterwenio, Melton de Silva, Mayonnaise and Squalchi all struggling to be fit for Russia 2018.

After an over elaborate gold celebration for their club, Grimeo resulted in crashing a bobsled into a canal. Italy's Aneldo, Groce Belli, could be out after a grade 3.6 preening injury suffered while Tronado was here in a wing mirror of an articulated lorry whilst riding riding a vespa. And Costa Rica's Darvarious Quacklage is in a race against time to shake off his quarter street Claude recept strain that of course he picked up, punching the air after winning his first ever game of solitaire on his granny's computer. All World Cup news on the Bugle, the official podcast of the FIFA World Cup. So that brings us to the end of this week's bugle, sorry about the 45 minute delay at the

start. Harry, it's been a delight having you in the same continent. Yeah, it has been really nice. Harry, I'll see you in November in America. I'm excited. Yeah. Well last time I was on the started bugle 2.0. Are we ending bugle 2.0?

I hope not, because I have children. I need food. And you want a legacy for them. A legacy, I'm all about Helen. Yeah, and all the Victorian shit you bought off eBay isn't enough. What Victorian shit did you buy off eBay? That is a whole different show. Helen, thanks for joining us.

Cheers. You're a FROing around the world quite, too, aren't you? Yeah, why not? Why not, eh? Well, I'll buy a Pinti or some point on some contour, rather. Your daughter's already been measuring up the attic for her occupancy? I don't think I should. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes.

Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes.

Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes.

Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Chicago at the hideout on the 29th of October the Wilbur on November 3rd and then you have Oakland Fox Theater December 1st 1213 at the Aladdin Theater, which you will also be playing in Portland and then a very special Show on the 15th of December and Seattle Washington at the Neptune. I hear it's a very special show. It's gonna be a special one very special Right, that was not in cryptic. Oh, he saying? Sounds like he's going to be pretty special. Don't forget you can listen to Helen on the Illusionist. Until next time, viewers, goodbye. Thanks as ever to the Night Foundation. Easily the Bugle Podcast's favourite foundation.

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