The Bugle - Bugle 4048 – common ground with Osama

Episode Date: November 3, 2017

Andy is with Nish Kumar to discuss the latest revelations on Russia, Osama Bin Laden, British sleaze and JFK.Plus, it's time to get #nudewithnishSupport us at Radiotopia.fm Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Dancelaguard fans, you will be thrilled to know a book is coming out if you fund it via Unbound. We are publishing the Dancelaguard Reader by Alice Fraser and Dancelaguard, a glorious insight into the world of Dancelaguard, self-published romance maven, and online bestseller. If you would like to find out how to support it, go to thebugelpodcast.com. If we get enough support, we will publish the book. That's a real thing that's going to happen. Thebugelpodcast.com to support the Danciler Guard Reader. A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A- Audio newspaper for a visual world Hello, Budlers or as they say here in America. Hello, Budlers. It looked exactly to say one paper This is issue 4,048 of the world's longest running Bugle podcast I am Andy Zoltzman reporting to you from Boston

Massachusetts just yards away well a few thousand yards away, from where in 1773 some slightly crotchety locals started cold brewing British tea in their salty harbour water and events now acknowledged as the birth of hipsterism. The whole process was kicked off in part, at least by the British government cutting taxes on tea for the East India Company, making this another thrilling episode in the long running series when tax cuts go bad! And that looks like it's going to run, and run, and possibly run quite hard here in America over the next year or two. I am in America, but joining me from London this seems completely the wrong way around. It is Nish Kumar! Hello Andy, hello, buglers! How's it going Andy?

It's been good, thanks to all the Buglers who've come to my show so far and thanks to everyone else who's not a Bugler who's come to the show, which I think on current total after 10 gigs of the tour is approximately 18 people who are not buglers and... You gotta start somewhere, Andy. You gotta make those in. Also, 18 people, I mean, that was a substantial chunk of my total sales for my first tour.

So, I mean, you're doing well. Yeah, onwards and upwards. But thanks to everyone who's come, three kicks left, Philadelphia, this Sunday, if you would listen to this in time, then Nashville on Tuesday, and Washington, DC on Wednesday, although I believe that is Basically sold out now, so apologies

You're a sell out in DC I mean, I'm not the first I'm not the first to have sold out in DC not necessarily in that way I mean, I've got a drain the swamp niche. I'm gonna go to DC. I'm gonna drain the swamp Now I've got a drain to swamp niche. I'm going to go to DC, I'm going to drain the swamp. Imagine I just have this vision of you, like imagine if you saw all the problems out. And yeah. Imagine if your gig ends up being the tipping point

that averse the American apocalypse. Right. I mean, you put quite a lot of pressure on now, no. So I was just going to do a lot of lastly childish gigs with a possible involvement of a cauliflower. Yeah, I'm in London having a substantially less glamorous time than you. I've spent the last couple of weeks in recovery for what can only be described as a cyber onslaught. Last time I appeared on the bugle, I made it, what can only be described as a catastrophic error of judgment from someone who, because he has been listening to this

show for a long time, should definitely have known better. My cousins had defaced my Wikipedia page and I, erroneously, I now see, challenged buglers to do worse, resulting in my Wikipedia page being locked for editing. People went hard at it, Andy. I'm sorry I didn't get to all of the various defacements of it, but I did catch a few of the key highlights to the end of the sort of opening introductory paragraph. Somebody changed he is of Indian descent to he claims to be of Indian descent.

Yeah, show the proof, Nish. Show the proof. Is this a reverse birth movement? It then followed up that claim of my Indian descent with the sentence. He is often referred to as the brown John Oliver and is being lined up to be the first brown smearth. So far so funny, slightly racist. But it got more imaginative from there. This is just a whole paragraph I'm just going to read as a chunk. In October 2017, E4, which is a British channel, announced he is to front a new chat show project called Naked with Nish, due to air in February 2018. The format has been described that a fully naked Nish kooa will interrogate a host of clothes celebrities about the more intimate aspects of their private sexual lives.

Guests announced thus far are Lillial and Steve Cougan and Nigel Farage. The guest will be scored based on how excited Nish gets. Wow. Now... Well, I mean, this is sounding like a crowdfunding project waiting for you. That is exactly the joke I was going to make before I panicked and realised that if I did, they would set one up. Yeah. Perhaps more concerned, Eglie, was between 1999 and 2002, Nish started a semi-new stage production of a Christmas carol that ran for four weeks every September. The show was cancelled after

its 2002 run when it was revealed that Kumar had been using the production as a front to launder money made in the illegal trade of Ivory Colonel Gaddafi face masks. No smoke without fire! No smoke without fire. No edits could be made to my Wikipedia page. That is the summary of my time while you've been in America. Right. So I'm going to have how long does is your page on lockdown? I don't know.

The only reason I know it's on lockdown is because my f***ing cousins tried to deface it again. And then texted me saying, why can we not edit the one change that did stay for ages? Because now that all of these have been reversed, but the one that did stay, which is a genius piece of Wikipedia graffiti, was that they snuck a change into a sentence that had been cited. So it looked legitimate. The sentence was, Nish was also debated with the Durham Union's society which tragically is completely true But what they changed in the sentence was niche was also debated with the Durham Union society killing three and wounding two

And that stayed up there for longer than I am comfortable with You don't must have to set up a new wiki pede a page for You'd almost have to set up a new wiki pdf page for either a fictitious, maybe your nude with nish deserves its own wiki pdf page. I don't know. Well, yeah, I mean, if anyone wants to set up a nude with nish, I don't know why I'm doing this. I don't know why I'm re-opening this door, but if anyone does want to set up a wiki pdf page, including episode summaries for nude with nish, I would very much like, I'd very much like to see that.

Especially if the episode did have Steve Cougan, Lily Allen and Nigel Farage on it at the same time. Well, I mean, you can do anything with video editing programs now. So I'm for looks, but you can see a YouTube trailer by the end of the week. Whatever, it's gone on my IMDB page, Andy. Alright, that's it. You know, just got to look full, next to that is... That is all that counts. So this is Buegel 4048, we are recording on the 3rd of November 2017, making it exactly

60 years, Nish, since Leica, the Soviet space doggie, the animal, Neil Armstrong, always dreamed of being, went for her very last walkies, a non-voluntary rocket walkies into space as previously disclosed on the bugle she was in fact, following another rocket that had a stick in it. Leica is now sadly assumed dead, but still holds the world record for most confused animal ever. One assumes that Liker's final thoughts were something along the lines of, this is hot, why too hot, but also weird.

This is very weird, especially because I am a dog. Amazing to think as well that we could put a dog in space 60 years ago, but today penguin still can't fly. What was it if they don't want to? Also, this weekend, and this is our section in the bin this week, it's November the 5th on Sunday, on the 5th of November to be precise, which means in Britain it is fireworks nights, bonfire nights, guy forks nights, or however you want to label it. When we fondly remember our favourite national act of thwarted terrorism by making things go bang and waving glowsticks

in the air, it was in 1605 that guy forks air to the famous cutlery dynasty from memory was caught guarding 36 barrels of gunpowder. Now that's a lot of gunpowder nice that's pretty tricky to pass that off as a for personal use. Especially when you were guarding it under the houses of parliaments. Anyway, it was a weird storage space really weird storage space guy Greed I'm sorry. We're not on the we're not of that terms yet Um, it was a big big crime in Britain now some four hundred and twelve years ago proof if anyone in America still needed it That you really need to stop Muslims coming into the USA I know it's a bit of a logical leap. I that seems to be all the rage these days And to mark to mark the occasion of Guy Forks' Knights.

We are presenting an audio fireworks night safety guide. Number one, do not attempt to blow up Parliament. Number two, do not get caught being involved in a plot to blow up Parliament. And number three, do not get hung drawn and caughted if you have an intolerance to pain and or death. With concerns that fireworks could cause serious health problems if smoked like a cigarette, we review the latest E-Fireworks to hit the shops. And most importantly, this is very important for your own safety on fireworks nights.

We have provided you a bugle audio firework recognition test. Now it's very important to know what is a firework and what isn't. No one wants to mix up between a firework and for example a carrot, a puppy, or a bunch of flowers that are wetting or funeral. So we're going to help you learn to tell a firework from something that is not a firework. With our simple bugle is this a firework practical quiz. Simply listen to the following five noises and tell yourself which one is a firework. Is it noise A? Is it noise B? Is it maybe noise D? Or is it noise E? So those are the five options right down your audio

answer with your voice now. I've got a good feeling about D Andy. Well, this you are right. The correct answer was in fact D. Yes, D was the firework. And if you got that right, you've won the right to shout bang for on the 5th of November at a passing stranger. Incidentally, a of course was the former United Nations Secretary General Ban Ki-moon learning to play the violin. Of course.

The violin playing is hard for everyone, even Ban Ki-moon. Well, and also he's got a bit more spare time on his hands now, so it's one of those things he's always wanting to do. And it's a shame actually that he couldn't do that while he was secretary general, because you know, with all the sad stories in the world, if you could have accompanied his speeches with some mournful violin playing, then how much more you might have achieved. That might be more of a useful contribution than the UN has made into several situations around the world in the last ten years. Noise B, that was someone playing Snooker, specifically the Pope knocking in a blue off its spot to leave his opponent

requiring Snooker's noise C. That was the queen on horsebuck, chopping a large butternut squash in half, and E, noise E was an imaginary construction of what would have happened had Elvis Presley ever catapulted himself into a lake. So well done, if you correctly recognize D, as the firework. That section was in Sully in the bin, of course,

so you haven't listened to it. Top story this week. Release the files! Release the files! There are so many secrets lurking around in the world today, Nish. So many conspiracies that haven't yet seen the light of day. So many facts concealed in elaborate webs of secret lies. Personally, I've always wanted to know the truth behind whether Abraham Lincoln faked his own death and actually lived out his days as a country singer in a Chinese restaurant in Mexico. I want to know how come Canada is so big, whether the CIA killed the Queen Mother, whether karaoke was intended for military use and why ships float when they're so fucking heavy. But we have finally been given some some files people wanted to see for

well a long time or quite a short time actually in the case of the the Russian influence on the US election also we now know exactly the same as we knew before about the Kennedy hit and also we now know exactly the same as we knew before about the Kennedy hit and some quality stuff on bin Laden that will come to later. But Nish back home in Britain, how has the Russian troll story affected the British people? Well, it's sort of affected the one British person in a slightly strange way and that one British person is me because I was getting the underground the other day and I saw an advert on the tube. I've took a I've taken a photo of it because I genuinely thought that I was hallucinating. I saw an advert for the Russia Today News Network. Now this is a news network that seemingly

has strong ties to the Kremlin and Vladimir Putin. And I think this, as of this week, Twitter has said that they will be banning Russia today from their platform. So imagine my surprise when I saw an advert for Russia today that said, watch RT and find out who we are planning to hack next. Ha ha ha. Now.

Ha ha ha. That is either a very risky joke or the most brazen thing I've ever seen in my entire life I was absolutely in shock like I had to I Photographed it to make sure that I wasn't going mad, but that is really Fairly brazen Lane Cold War reenactment cards, very firmly on the table. Yeah, I mean, I don't know whether this is sort of general revenge for the release of the movie The Death of Stalin, which came out this week.

Is he dead? She's Stalin. Oh, yeah, sorry, spoiler alert, Warner Vueglis. Yeah, I do apologize. I'm delighted. I didn't like him. That's not what I've read on the Daily Mail comment for emzoltzman. Another Stalinist podcast host. The Russian trolls hiding under the bridge of America's failing neurotic political and media complex. Have it as we basically knew pumped out a veritable mega splurge of hogwash during the build

up to the so called election of Donald Trump. The deluge of deceit apparently reached over 120 million American Facebook users, but did it affect the election as the old saying goes? It's not lies that full people, it's being part of a completely dysfunctional political and media system that depends on the spread of misinformation and the manipulation of truth that fools people. So it may be some time before we know exactly the impact. It had the poor little social media companies

who hosted the bogus Russian bullshit have been told off by Senate. So no doubt they will move heaven and earth to make sure only pure sweet facts are ever shared on their st.id networks again. The accounts General Council for Facebook said in hindsight we should have used a broader lens. There are signals we missed, signals such as an absolute tsunami of obvious propaganda and payments made in Russian rubles. See, that's the thing that I absolutely blows my mind. American political adverts paid for in rubles.

This is not the finest espionage ever conducted. They may as well have paid with a check paid made out by Platamiya Vutin. It's not subtle. And also they're talking about how they need to build to more complicated algorithms in order to spot some of this fake news. I had a quick flick through some of the articles that released as part of the senatorial hearing.

I mean, really, a three-year-old could have caught some of this shit. Especially a new story about Denzel Washington, surprisingly coming out in support of Donald Trump. And that came from a website. This is genuinely true. That's called AmericanNews.com. These people are not even trying, Andy.

For a long time, so Facebook, Twitter and Google, have all found themselves in front of a said-it-subcommittee this week to explain their role in the Russian affair Facebook in the past denied any wrongdoing with Mark Zuckerberg suggesting that the site had not influenced the election at all before starting his backtrack in September when he released a sort of very strange straight down the camera semi hostage video looking thing where he Apologised for Facebook's role and said there will always be bad actors in the world to which Nicholas Cage for zero responded to

Or two right brother before going off to star in national treasure seven this time the treasurer is friendship What are the interesting details that have come out this week? What are the interesting details that have come out this week, regards Paul Manafort, who is currently looking at a pretty hefty rap list. Yeah. Manafort was briefly Donald Trump's campaign manager during the build-up to the election last year. In the past, I mean, he's got an interesting CV. He was a lobbyist for such upstanding international

citizens as Ferdinand Marcos of the Philippines, Exyibos, President Mabutu, both black belts in the art of authoritarianism, and the Victor Yanukovic, the ex-Ukrainian leader, currently evading trial on a high-treason rap. So, I mean, he's worked for some some curious curious gentleman in his career. Is he just very forgiving Andy? Are we being harsh on Maniford here? Maybe he just really believes in giving people a second, third, fourth and fifth chance. He now stands accused of links to the Russian mafia money laundering, high grade bullshittery and letting out his flat as an Airbnb rental. Now that's just my favorite tea. I mean, it's possible as a perfectly innocent explanation. Clearly he's a very busy man,

and actually it's a good way to meet people from around the world if you have, you know, a range of guests coming in for just a couple of nights to have a look around New York. And you know, if you've got a spare couch, why not monetize it even even if you have works with President Mabuto and Further Dan Marcus listen Andy I'm not telling you what to like in your life but I mean I love the Airbnb detail it's not my favorite detail because my favorite detail of all of this is the allegation which is still not yet been substantiated that Paul Manafort one of the things that's come out is people have been, have got into all of his computers. And one of the allegations is that one of

his passwords is Bond 007, which I mean is obviously a spectacular detail, but it also fundamentally suggests that if all of this stuff that he's been accused of is proved true, then Paul Manifold has really not understood the point of those James Bond films. Unless he thinks that the whole thing is a cover and Bond has been a double, double agent for the Russians the entire time, he's really not worked out what's going on. Well, that would be a, that would be an awesome reveal in the water reveal.

The next bond movie. What a reveal. The next Bond movie. What a reveal. Well, I mean, I suspect if America keeps successfully meddling in all of Western infrastructure, there is a chance that the end of the next Bond film is going to result in Daniel Craig ripping off his mask and it being Vladimir Putin at the end. Ha-ha-ha.

I'm not sure Daniel Craig's got the body to play Putin, is he? Yeah. Ha-ha-y in face. Well, yeah, he could easily pass as a Russian, Mr. Craze. It's been a tricky week for Facebook, Google and Twitter, with sort of various new allegations coming to life. But also a general sense that these people could have done something to intervene if they weren't so busy making f***t tons of money.

And when it comes to the behavior of Facebook, Twitter and Google, obviously this is a very complicated issue. We're getting into tricky areas where how do you sort of regulate these kind of unregulatable media behemoths. But I think the one thing that we can all agree on is that my space bebo and our skis are all feeling pretty f**king smug this week. We're all gonna have to go back to them and they're gonna be like, well, well, well. Look who's come crawling back! You thought you were too good for us and our Western civilization is in danger.

Let me tell you Andy, I did an experiment where I tried to find all the facts for this bugle on Bing and we are in for a dark future. That thing is not easily usable. In slightly better news for Twitter, In slightly better news for Twitter, yesterday night, I guess you were awake for this Andy, you were possibly watching this unfold in real time. Yesterday night, Donald Trump's Twitter account was deleted for 11 minutes. Oh, what a sweet 11 minutes that was. I was actually planning on going to bed and then I saw his Twitter had been deleted and I obviously decided to stay up and I'm really happy I lived through really the happiest period of the last sort of 18 months. And it turns out, did you read about this? It turns out that they thought it was some sort of a computer error and Twitter said there was a mistake but then Twitter themselves corrected their own previous statement, because it turns out that an ex-employee on their last day of work decided to give their co-workers and

by extension the entire rest of the world the mother of all leaving presents. They basically deleted his account and then walked out presumably flipping the double birds as they went. And I imagine they will, if not walk into any job they want, they will be walking into as many free drinks as they can possibly handle. I mean, you are in America, Andy, so currently you are top of my list of suspects. Have you been moonlighting at Twitter by any chance? Nish, you are attributing me with a far greater degree of technological expertise than I can possibly claim, as the contents and presentation of my website would vociferously testify.

Fair enough, do you really redact it? In other releasing the files news, a load of info on the John F. Kennedy assassination has been released, and these, what appeared to be completely unexplosive documents have revealed that John F. Kennedy was indeed killed in November 1963. It was not as conspiracy theoreticians have suggested filmed in a studio. You can see flags waving in the wind in the background. It's an obvious setup. That's now just been disproved. It was not mown down by the British Prime Minister Harold McMillan and he did not die of food poisoning just before being shot after he's eaten a poisoned fish taco placed on him by the Mexican Mafia. It turns out that it basically, it does seem to be that it happened pretty much as people

have said it did. Or maybe that's just what they want you to think. Yeah, I mean, my only thing with this is if there is some sort of grand conspiracy going on, I strongly doubt there is a file where someone has written the entire thing down in. Like, I really feel like at no point, is there gonna be a detailed breakdown of like, look, this is basically the real story.

It was aliens. Yeah. Well, I guess until we get all the files from Roswell, then we're not going to know. More excitingly I feel is the cash of files that has been released about everyone's favorite ex-terrorist Asama bin Laden. This is quite extraordinary stuff. They've released all of their files about what

Bidm Ludd and Hand on his computer. It is compound and it's really revealed some truly extraordinary details. He turns out to be quite the film buff. He has the films Cars and Ants on there. You know what question is coming next. Did he have one or both of the Smurf movies? Or even the Love Guru. I mean, I don't think even Bin Laden would stoop that low, but did he have the Love Guru? Imagine if it turns out Bin Laden was a huge fan of the guru. Or perhaps more likely is the guru the thing that turned him against Western civilization. Is it?

Well, I'm not saying that that's what happened. I'm just saying we need to release the files. Yeah, a lot of Tom and Jerry cartoons. Yeah. Which, to me, fits perfectly with his profile, you know, an endless cycle of violence and vengeance to no discernible purpose. But, you know, I think he saw it as a training manual.

I think the worst thing, the thing that may be most actively angry was that he, one of the films he had in his file was The Documentary, where in the world is a Summer Bin Laden? The Morgans Murlock documentary and that is a real f*** you to the West. As if he hadn't done enough, the idea that he's just sat there watching that movie and intermittently giggling to himself and shouting, I'm right here baby, VL's back for good.

There were also instructions for mending socks. Which is good, shows he's not a wasteful man, we throw away far too much stuff. I'm not saying that justifies everything else that he did, but he's not needlessly wasting perfectly reusable socks. I guess that's, you know, a crumb on the other end of the sea sort that admittedly has the weight of the universe on it. Also instructions for how to crochet a flower. This is lovely, maybe he was mellowing in his old age. Well, you say that. He also, they also managed to find a load of the video games he had on his computer. One of which is the first person shoots a counter strike where soldiers battle terrorists in urban warfare, which is something of a busman's holiday for bin Laden. I'd suggest he got more sort

of active relaxation from Super Mario Brothers, Final Fantasy VII and several Dragon Ball Z titles. There was also a viral YouTube video entitled Charlie Bit My Finger which is a video of a small child with an even smaller brother who is technically a baby and the child puts his finger in the baby's mouth and the baby bites it and then the child said, ow, that really hurt. And then says, Charlie bit my finger. And I guess, you know, again, in the bin Laden continuum, it shows that if you, you know, you keep risking pain eventually, it will come back to bite you.

So, but also, what struck me about this niche was that this video had at 855 million views. Now, that's, that is too many views for a child biting another child's figure What what has happened to us as a species? Charlie bit my finger was the first sign that things are going wrong for Western civilization I think bin Laden was probably watching it looking at the number of hits and thinking well my work is done It wasn't just all children's videos on YouTube and Aladdin was probably watching it, looking at the number of hits and thinking, well, my work is done. It wasn't just all children's videos on YouTube, and the one thing that has not been released

is Bin Laden's seemingly extensive collection of pornography. Right. It turns out that Bin Laden had quite the porn star on his computer and apparently a men's interest publication called Bro Bible has in the past filed a freedom of information act request for the pot on collection that has been denied. What are they trying to hide? I don't know whether they're trying to establish common ground with him retrospectively. Right. But it is starting to seem worryingly.

Like whilst he was in hiding, a summer bin Laden was not living a wildly different lifestyle from me. On a day-to-day basis, a summer bin Laden was living very much like a self-employed stand-up comedian. Right. Googling his own name, watching cartoons, and furiously masturbating. But, uh, uh, something else I was about to say about it, it said that there's not the suggestion that he was necessarily watching all of this himself. But the reason there were so many kids cartoons was that he was living with his family at the time in his secret compound in the bottom bed.

Which, I mean, that must have, it must have been some awkward conversations. But his dad, dad, what do you actually do? I know that's a question I've had to field. And it can be awkward. It can be, when you have an unusual line of work, I was recording some stop motion animation videos of potatoes playing cricket for a series of videos

during the cricket world cup. Yeah, I don't know why you felt that need to justify that sentence to me, Chris or indeed the bugle of Sandy. I would say that if you asked either of us or indeed anyone who listens to this podcast, what do you think Auntie Salzwood is doing with this time currently?

Near the top would have been he's making stock motion animation of potato cricket. Ha ha. So my children got back from school while I was still mid-shoot. Ha ha ha. And it's just the look of kind of confusion and even disgust in their young eyes. This is you on, this is no kind of role model. The CIA claim to be...

I really did not think when I sat down at the start of this, that this episode would culminate in us both finding common ground with a sum of bin Laden. Well, yeah. I think that's worrying for everyone. The CIA said it had released the trove, a trove, it has to be a trove, doesn't it? Yeah.

Quotes in the interest of transparency and to enhance public understanding of Al Qaeda and bin Laden. Bullshit! The CIA released this trove because it's fucking funny, and it makes you look like an idiot. Yeah.

Ah. Say that. Just say that. Like, you can't have a table. We would all have more respect for you if the CIA would sort of say, look, this is not relevant to anything, but God, he was a fucking weird.

Yeah. This week, we saw the spiritual descendants of Bin Laden's trademark brand of total f**k free. At work in New York with another trucker tech. Now, I was in New York, that was the day I haven't had a day, I did my gig in New York with another trucker tech. Now I was in New York, that was the day I hadn't had and I did my gig in New York. And I saw the reaction of the people of New York, which seemed to me to put even more effort

into their Halloween outfits. Yeah. Aside from the immediate tragedy of it, it just emphasized again, just quite how unwinnable this crazy war that these people are fighting is. When, in the streets, after this attack, I saw a grown man dresser as a banana. I saw a dog in a witch's outfit. And I saw an 80 year old woman dressed as Wonder Woman.

You cannot beat that, Mr. Terrorist. You cannot beat that. It's genuinely life-affirming stuff. Yeah. I read one of the reports and this is a kind of full extract from a Guardian journalist who was on the scene, describing the sort of spirit that was evident after the attack when a million New Yorkers sort of turned out

for the annual parade. And this was a conversation with one of them. I'm not going to let terrorists stop my life. One reveler dressed as the fish in finding Nemo told the Guardian. QI says, they just have such different attitudes to clothing and I don't think they can ever be reconciled. You just got schooled by Nemo. A character in a movie, you're f***ing hero or some of Bin Laden, probably had an his f***ing wank shed. Slazy does it.

Andy, there's a lot of stuff coming back from my childhood. The remake of Jumanji, the remake of it, and this week, the return of good old fashioned Tory sleaze. Conservative party sex scandals were as much a fixture of my childhood as Christmas. And now they're back. They're back, Anthony. How many Christmas is there you have every year? What, two, white one and a brown one.

You have white Christmas and you have brown Christmas brackets the volley. Come on, Soltzman. You know I'm a proud multicultural citizen of the United Kingdom. Michael Fallon, the now former defense secretary, has stepped down from his post amidst sort of accusations which he still denies about sexually inappropriate behaviour because the

sort of ongoing rumble of the discovery which seems to have shocked an alarming number of people that men are the absolute worst has rumbled into the political sphere in the United Kingdom this week. So Fallon still denies doing anything but has admitted that his behaviour fell short. So it's not really clear what's happening here. And a specific allegation, which he also denies, has been made regarding Andrea LedSim, who's a Tory minister and was one of the candidates who was deemed too crazy for the post that was eventually won by Theresa May. Because I think we may have discussed this on the bugle.

She lost a huge amount of credibility when she said that she should be Prime Minister because she had children and Theresa May didn't. And that played very poorly with humans. So the incident in question is supposed to have happened, alleged to have happened six years ago, at a parliamentary meeting when Andrew Ledson complained of having cold hands, and the allegation is that Michael Fallon replied,

I know somewhere you can put them to warm up. Right. Now, okay, I have never claimed to be the most sexually experienced man, but leaving aside the obvious- I'm sure Wikipedia will soon set that to a- God, a storm is coming, Andrew. But is he, I mean, even if leaving aside the obvious sort of, you know, it's inappropriate and this, exactly the sort of stuff that shouldn't happen, is he asking her to put her hands up his butt? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha But I was always under the impression that that involved a sort of in-out motion rather than a kind of temporary storage

Right, and the in-out motion surely wouldn't do a huge amount for the actual temperature of Ledsom's hands Right, so is this some sort of weird sexual fetish that he has where he sort of plays a reverse panochio Where he gets someone to put their hand up his butt and he pretends to be a puppet. Is that what's happening? Well, I mean, some kind of like satirical comment on the the powerlessness of the modern politician. Yeah, there's not enough satirical comments in sex scandals, I feel. I mean, alternatively, just those simple words, I know it's something where you can, somewhere you can put them to make them warm.

Is that what he said? Precisely. Yeah, I know somewhere you can put them to warm up is the allegation. I mean, it could possibly have been that he was just about to say the radiator. And I mean, why do we always assume something, you know, base and sexual about these things?

You're right, I've jumped to hands up the bus straight away. I read that and I was like, hands up the bus. Right. See, I wouldn't necessarily have gone there. I've gone, you know, either radiator, possibly some kind of, you know, August stove or maybe, maybe, tenor reef. Um, all of these options, but you've gone, you've gone for hands up the butt. So, you know, I've got straight to hand up the butt.

Yeah, I've got, I've, yeah, I mean, well, that's maybe the difference between you and me, Andy. I'm a millennial. I've been exposed to a wider variety of extreme pornography. So, you know, it's warped my consciousness. I mean, this is what evidence of everything that's wrong with my generation, I think. Is this still the bugle? I've absolutely no idea.

It's been kind of depressing to see just a volume of sex pests that there are in the sex pestilential corridors of power. But there is some hope coming here from the USA, the US Energy Secretary, Rick Perry has claimed that fossil fuels can stop sexual assault. So all we need to do, I mean this was kind of the whole British parliamentary sleaze gun was made inevitable when that just shut down the mines. So they brought it on themselves in many ways. Rick Perry, climate change sceptic, which makes him about as qualified for his job as I am to be coach of the Chinese synchronised swimming squad.

Said from the stamp, it was talking about you. I'm going to take one quick issue with that, Andy. You are more qualified to do that job because you don't fundamentally believe that the Chinese synchronized swimming squad does not exist. At no point have you ever gone on the record and said that it's a myth dreamed up by the liberal media. Anyway, he said, it took me how, you know, electricity can clearly help, you know, and he said this from the standpoint of sexual assault when the lights are on, when you have a light that shines the righteousness, if you will, on those types of acts.

Now, technically, it's not a sentence that makes any sense. But it seems to be suggesting that, and he's, yeah, so he's continued from the standpoint of how you really affect people's lives, fossil fuels. He's going to play a role in that. So, but only fossil fuels, niche. Light from alternative energies does not work. It is not righteous enough. Right just light only comes through fossils, which have had millions, maybe even 6,000 years, to absorb the love of God. I don't know, I'm not a scientist. If anything,

gee, very drunk. God knows. But it's only fossil fuels that could possibly work. Geothermal power just aggravates the male libido, coming straight from the hot, nurturing bosom of mother earth. Oh God, yeah. Help me to control my urges, Lord, with a burning keg of oil. And as for wind power, oh, the way those turbines shake their booty and the sun. Oh, the real hot stuff. Oh, yeah.

It's been absolutely another incredibly depressing week. And given the, you know, the extent of the scandals, we still don't know a huge amount about the accusations that are flying around because a lot of them are traveling on a supposedly secret WhatsApp list of male perverts that's being kept. And it's currently, I think it is available for you to read it America legally. It's currently violating a libel laws in this country, but I believe in America is available. So, on your way out from the airport, so I'll just want to ask you if you can, as discussed, get me one of those massive Toblerones and hang us a copy of the sex list. That would be absolutely great. Pick that up on the way out. It's a classic duty free gift.

Well, we are about to run out of studio time here in Boston. Just a quick reminder to all of you that you'll be able to see both Nish and me and Alice Fraser in the live bugle in Leicester Square on Thursday the 16th of November. So please buy as many tickets as you can feasibly handle for that. And also as part of the Radio Toby a fundraising drive, we have a special bugle deal. You can buy your own pun run. It will personalize pun run to help contribute to the Radio topi of fundraiser, please.

All your contributions will be hugely appreciated to keep this wonderful network of podcasts thriving. So that is all, there's quite a lot left over for next week including some exciting pyramid news. I'll be back next week with Anuva Pal, then the week after I said niche and Alice in that live bugle in London. Until next time, goodbye. Goodbye. you