The Bugle - Bugle 4055 – New Year’s Revelations

Episode Date: January 5, 2018

When Trump and Bannon say bad things about each other who can you believe?Andy is joined by Alice Fraser to discuss the latest controversy from the US, new years resolutions and the World's Strongest Man.Hari Kondabolu also joins the guys from the epicentre of the snow-cyclone-bomb-thing and an Olympian emails the show Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Dancelaguard fans, you will be thrilled to know a book is coming out if you fund it via Unbound. We are publishing the Dancelaguard Reader by Alice Fraser and Dancelaguard, a glorious insight into the world of Dancelaguard, self-published romance maven, and online bestseller. If you would like to find out how to support it, go to thebugelpodcast.com. If we get enough support, we will publish the book. That's a real thing that's going to happen. Thebugelpodcast.com to support the Danciler Guard Reader. A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A- Audio newspaper for a visual world. Hello B! You glows and welcome to issue 4,055 of the beautiful world's finest and solitary audio newspaper for a visual world with me and his ultimate reporting live from 2018.

Yes, Felix, this year is new, Poke, it'll squeak, that's how new it is to hear that many people have predicted and which is, despite early concerns about 2017, becoming the last year ever in history, it has now come to pass Happy New Year to all of all listeners, especially to those of you who are listening. Now, missed it, bad luck. We are here in London, where for the 218th New Year in a row, the river terms drank too much and had to be sick

into the sea. Breckles don't come back to further. Joining me this week in a row, the River Thames drank too much and had to be sick into the sea. Rekord's been coming back further than that. Joining me this week in a change to the published schedule, which I hadn't published, so I really didn't need to mention it, it's a change to the schedule. But Steph beginner, short notice, is Alice Frizer. Hello, Andy. Hello, Alice. Alice, of course, best known as the coach star of Addy's Ombuds 2017.

He's served public history, run extended to the 12th of January, so if it's a please come. For instance, like the extra shows really need bombs on seats. Alice, happy new year. Happy new year to you, Andy. I was thinking people who came in the early part of the run should come again because it is a very different show. It is a very different show, yes. It's evolved.

It has, it has evolved. It's great. It's great fun. I like doing stuff. Oh good old. I'm glad. But I think the characters that you play, I think, were successfully stripped out the one that I mentioned they had at the start. Zero dimensional. It's all good comedy characters. Alice is replacing Harry Condobola who was unable to record due to snowpocalypse 2018 New York City edition the first person wrapped them up real-life actual life simulator of a the so-called BOM cyclone that the big frozen apple is currently not especially enjoying

Hari will hopefully be joining us for a quick snowpocalypse update later on on the phone It's the second time that I've been on the show where one of our correspondence, foreign correspondence has been delayed by unavoidable weather events that I definitely didn't cause. Right. That's a lie. I've been doing the whole thing.

I've been leaving the heating on in my house just to aggravating global warming to create. Just to increase my bugle time. Right. People do anything for work these days. As always, the section of the bug was going straight in the bin. This week, New Year's resolutions, a special New Year's resolution feature section is going in the bin. Of course, New Year's resolutions have been a fundamental part

of the fabric of human failure since the very dawn of time itself when at the first ever New Year in 4,000 and 4 BC, God himself, the official creator of this planet, of course, so long ago now over 6,000 years. Amazing to think that. He made the first ever New Year's resolution. In fact, it was one year after the first January the first when he made his resolution to quotes, get round to finishing the f***ing thing off. He'd had the previous 51 weeks kicking back. I mean, sure, for a rushed job hacked out in one week, it was pretty damn good, but I just think I've only had too much power I went to said he didn't knuckle down a finish a job one hit wonder to be fair a lot of distractions

Mostly peaking at the hot nudie lady had made for the garden dirty old birdie bastard But anyway, let's we're gonna take a look back at some classic New Year's resolutions through history some of which have not worked in the year 951 the young emperor you cheng you, or Senen as emperor in, made a resolution not to be killed, and typically like so many new years resolutions only lasted one day. He was killed to death on the second of January, after losing a battle the previous day, and being hunted down to someone's house.

In 1521, Pope Leo X made a resolution not to excommunicate so many people, and on the 3rd of January, he excommunicated Martin Luther, the professional Thesee's writer, celebrity chef who pioneered and avant-garde worms only diet later, transmuted into spaghetti off the EU imposed worm farming quotas in the 19th century. That is an elongated joke about a historical event called the Diet of Worms. I don't fully understand. I always like the name of. Nice, nice, nice way to start the year with a completely unnecessary reference to a piece of history that I don't understand. Some New Year's resolutions have nearly worked.

1988, 30 years ago this minute or near enough, Mick Al Gorbachev made a new years resolution to find two new centre forwards for the Soviet Union National Football Team. Unfortunately, his stated desire for a pair of strikers was misinterpreted, resulting in the opening up and subsequent collapse of the short-lived communist empire. And in 1918, a hundred years ago, President Woodrow Wilson of the USA, resoluted to give the drunkest speech ever by a president within the first 10 days of January. However, his planned, and it must be said, much anticipated, 14 pints speech was never delivered. A misprint by his secretary turned it into the 14 pints speech in which he delivered disappointingly sober on the 8th of January and which provided 14 ideas that made a blueprint for a post-war world that shaped the global landscape of

the 20th century. It's a beautiful ending. Could have been so different. Some have been very successful. 1958, on the 1st of January, the European Economic Community came into being the forerunner of the European Union and made a New Year's resolution to undermine British democracy over the next 60 years and strip away everything we hold here in this nation, make us eat haddock from Switzerland, Pope Portuguese poise, billions of pounds to write limerics about Slovenian bananas

and impose sharia law and us by stealth. So at least some do work out. And there's been some interesting New Year's resolutions. Do you wait New Year's resolutions? My New Year's resolution is the same one I make every year, which is to make no New Year's resolutions. So I fail real quick. I guess if you're going to fail at something, you want it to be instant saying, get it over and done with. Oh, damn it. Made a New Year's resolution. That's right. Yeah, I wish I'd known that with my career

through dragging the half and 20 years. Chris, yeah. Have you made any new year's resolutions? Yeah, I'm gonna release the world's biggest hip hop album this year. It's gonna be massive. I'm gonna get all the best collaborators. It's gonna be, I think we're gonna do like 10 million units. Right. It's gonna be massive. I'm gonna get all the best collaborators. It's gonna be, I think we're gonna do like 10 million units.

It's gonna have like beats, music. Is it gonna have the great British tennis player, Andy Murray, because I've heard he needs a hip hop. That's good, thank you very much. I'll get Andy on, I'll get Jamie on. It's a future of music. Get my mum involved as well, as well as get a massive one a few years ago.

Of all hip hop references, he comes up with a sports player with an injury. You can't change me, Chris. You can't. Sit there, twiddling your knobs in your special booth. Yep, you can't fucking change me. Britain, well, as you know, nations now, they have special parliament meetings

on the first of January to make official news resolutions. Britain, we've resolved to stop bricking about Brexit. And the only way to do that is to have an even more controversial referendum. So we will be voting this week on whether or not to change the national anthem from God save the Queen to Max Bygraves 1959 novel to hit single, you're a pink toothbrush, the lyrics of which of course you're a pink toothbrush. I'm a blue toothbrush. Have we met somewhere before? a really a- The gender essentialist, indeed. Well, on one level it's all about gender stereotypes, on another it's

about dental hygiene. It's a ravaging satire on empire. And in America, Mike Pence has made a new year's resolution that by the end of the year, every significant politician in the Republican Party will have his own hand made. Donald Trump has made a resolution that he will think before tweeting. Now this is exciting because this he has rigorously stuck to so far, which you can see from the evidence that his tweeting has got even more f***ing nuts. So I think I'll prefer it when you just did it by instinct. What

Australia's national resolution be this year do you think? I reckon our national resolution would be something like stop panicking about the relatively small number of refugees who come seeking refuge in our country. Right. Because that is never going to happen. My personal years resolution is to promote my show's more effectively on the Bugle starting right here right now. Already mentioned the so-how so. Ninth to the 12th, please do come. Bugle Live with Alice on the 18th of January, the Leicester Square Theatre,

also on the 22nd of February with Nish. And my UK tour, it begins on Saturday the 13th in Southport, then Sunday the 14th, at the Lowry in Solford. Many other dates thereafter, all details on the internet. Top Story Donald Trump News Now Again Now Donald Trump has publicly disowned Steve Bannon as the pair fell out over a new book revealing embarrassing details about the White House, was written by journalist Michael Wolfen based on 200 interviews with Mr. Trump and his inner circle. Mr. Bannon said, a meeting Donald Trump's son, Donald Jr. had with Russian figures in Trump tower,

was treasonous and unpatriotic. He's also quoted as saying Mr. Trump repeatedly tried to meet Vladimir Putin, but that the Russian president couldn't give a shit about him, according to an extract in New York magazine. The president has accused Mr. Bannon in return of leaking false information to, quote, make himself seem far more important than he was, to which my fantasy is that Bannon replies, I know you are but what am I, and then they get trapped in, and I know you are but what am I spiral until the end of time, and neither of them has time to do their day jobs of being a pair of iridimably pressed-tams made from disease, phrenulums. Or is it frenula in the plural andy, you would know. Yes, in his Alice. Yep. You come to me for questions about Latin

words, so I'm the global resource for all types of knowledge. As you know. Yeah, it's a bit of a disaster for Donald Trump's public image having somebody who was so close to him basically just stab him in the back with the kind of unholy glee that Trump shows on the rig when he stabs other people in the back. Yes, well, I mean, you say damages his public image. I mean, that's what I'm going to do that, because I think everyone who likes him will think, yeah, good for you, Donald. My favorite. And everybody doesn't like him, but he's not going to make any difference. I mean,

quite what this book can add to the sense of chaotic off the cuff, off the rocker, improvised unhingedness that is emanated from the Trump regime since day one. I don't know, frankly, you could have just published a book that was just the subtext of a single Trump text, and the effect would have been identical. It would have, my favorite bit about the whole sort of revelation is that Trump, after dinner, gets on the phone

and just says mean things about the people he works with. He reportedly believed that Mr. Bannon was disloyal. His son in law, Jared Kushner, was a suck up and Sean Spicer was quote, stupid. I mean, say what you like about Trump. That is three for three, very accurate. He's a man with great insight into the human condition. Yeah, as you say, Bannon, who is viewed by many scientists as the largest boil in medical history, describe that meeting with Trump and some Russians as treasonous. And we have to remember, just because Steve Bannon said it, it doesn't mean it is necessarily not

true. So, you know, they might be something in it. And we're looking at the big take-up. People took that take-aways, very trendy terms of it. What are the take-aways from this? the big take-up people took that take away is a very trendy term of it What are the takeaways from this the big take-aways from this are one big take-aways Burgers mostly She's burgers in bed. That seems to be Donald Trump's Me and a choice according to this book. It's because he has a fear of poisoning So he chooses his poison with McDonald's He I mean what part of him is left to be poisoned? I mean, you'd have thought, I mean, his soul clearly has been infected for some time. Cheeseburg is in bed. I mean, we all like to pamper ourselves every now and again.

For some, it might be a nice relaxing spa treatment, a romantic meal with a loved one in a quiet restaurant. A bottle of the finest fizzy lemonade that money can buy. A trip in a hot air balloon to take photographs of clouds when they least expect it. 24 hours looking up cricket statistics alone in a dark and shed. You have to treat yourself sometimes. Whatever grinds your Grim Shores. But for Mr Trump, it's eating a cheeseburger alone in bed whilst watching three simultaneous televisions, two of them telling him things he doesn't want to hear

and one being the newest equivalent of an automatic tummy scratcher for an over-in-julled labrador. Take away number two, if the old adage that it takes one to know one is true, then Donald Trump and Steve Bannon should certainly work each other out. And I do hope everyone is impressed that I managed to deliver that joke without once using the word. F***. F***. Take away three, Steve Bannon is not really in contention for inoffensive personality traits

monthly magazines, nice guy of the year award. Take away four, Donald Trump keeps his campaign promises. As he himself has said, he campaigned very hard on a platform of being a temperamentally unstable ego maniac fueled by paranoid delusions. That's what America voted for and he has delivered that from soup to nuts. He is the most honest politician in the world. And also take away five. For all the criticism Donald Trump clearly understands the rest of the world. He does relate to everyone else because apparently like the vast majority

of the planet planet he was absolutely fucking mortified when he won that election. Yes, according to these interviews he didn't expect to win which is something that I think a lot of people suspected but nobody had confirmed. Yes. And if you can say that these interviews are confirmation apparently he looked like he'd seen a ghost when he was told and I think it was the ghost of his dignity. Right. You sure? You sure wasn't the ghost of Abraham Lincoln saying, for f**k's sake, mate, what the f**k have you done?

I mean, somewhere amidst this unending deluge of lies, counter lies, half truth, quarter truths, 128th truths, there might be one tiny chicken nugget of eracity clinging to the car because of a democratic hope. And that nugget is this. Some self-seeking publicity starts to have unintended consequences. And it is, I mean, it's so, I mean, who knows how much of this is true. But I, it was that element that Trump didn't want to win. The really struck home for me. Because it seemed to mean almost like Boris Johnson in the Brexit campaign Trump wanted to lose that election by one vote basically and be here and in fact he won it by about minus two million votes instead so more disastrously right for him. It's lovely quote about

Steve Bannon from one of his competitors in the conservative media was quoted in the book of saying he's mean dishonest and incapable of caring quoted in the book, is saying, he's mean, dishonest, and incapable of caring about other people, his eyes dart around, like he's always looking for a weapon with which to bludge and all gouges you. Well, it seems to you know, bludge and all gouges, because there's two quite different weapons you're looking for there. You're a blunt instrument or a sharp instrument.

The two most famous police reports. I mean, I don't think there was anything that really surprised anyone. It was think there was anything that really surprised anyone. It was there was a lot of confirmation barges. Is that what they call it? Yeah it's what it's sort of what you expected to hear. Apart from the revelations about his hairstyle which is apparently the hair dye that he uses is adjust for men which is sort of more plebeian in his tastes and I would imagine for somebody who spends so much time on his hair. I wonder if the price of just for men hair dies going to go up or down. Oh that'll be very interesting. I think it'll go up in some regions of America and down in others.

But really there was nothing it could have said. Had there been an excerpt like the following excerpt, I don't think anyone would have been surprised. At 8 p.m. Trump retired to his private quarters. Around 9 p.m. staff became concerned when they heard unusual noises emanating from within the presidential bedroom. A bizarre primeval catawall rent the Washington skies and the president's personal security detail led by Jean-Claude Van Dam, especially appointed by Trump eight minutes after he won the election. Safter trying to hammer down the door door, eventually using strategically placed explosive charges, they blew the door off its hinges and entered the presidential suite.

Trump, wearing what appeared to be the severed head of a bison as some kind of ceremonial miter, was wearing sheet metal body armor and a pair of 1960s cricket pads that once belonged to the great England batsman Ken Barrington. He was holding a loft, a carved Halloween pumpkin from which were wriggling hundreds of live snakes. Oh great Medusa encountered the president, turn my enemies unto stone. He held up the snake pumpkin gorgon to the 12 naked journalists who stood bound fast by ropes to the Sherman tank

the president had installed on his first day in the White House. Why the f*** is this not working? Scream trump furiously as the clothes of the hacks quivered unstoningly. Vladimir, you said this would f**king work! Putin looked up from his desk. Can you be quiet for a minute please, Donnie Babes? I'm copying your nuclear codes into my PDA. I'm gonna patch the schematics back to Moscow, then I'll sort these losers out. Have you tried just having them not very covertly assassinated, openly on the streets of your capital, works every time for me? You're so f**king lucky being Russian, Vladsky said, Trump, people would give me so

much s*** if I did that here. I mean, if that passage had been in the book, and I've not read all the books, that may have been there, would that have been any more or less surprising? I think it would have been more surprising because he in your except, use the word untrue. All right, okay. I'm not sure he would be that eloquent in a pumpkin ceremony and it wouldn't be any more or less true I mean Trump has never explicitly denied that what I just read out happened whereas he has contradicted what was in the book that's true so maybe there's actually more truth in our version can I ask why Putin has a PDA?

Oh, well, you know, Russia's still a, it's not quite the cutting edge yet, is it? Okay. It was good technology for its time. It was. I just remember there was an awful lot in the early series of 24 of people patching schematics to PDAs. I just came into my head.

Your head. My head. Sorry, sorry, into the author's head. You're right. Good point. Trump started the year as you would have expected in lively form on Twitter, including this. I will be announcing the most dishonest and corrupt media awards of the year on Monday

at 5 o'clock. Subjects will cover dishonesty and bad reporting in various categories from the fake news media. Stay tuned. Now this was my favourite tweet ever because I thought to myself, we better be buying ourselves a big fucking trophy cabinet here at the Bugle because we've been in the fake news business since before the presidency was even a terrified glint in

Malonea Trump's weeping eye. But then he didn't make that announcement. He did not give out those words, which is what I think would have been the greatest moment in presidential history. Amazing. A presidential award for Bush and Fake News would be... A spooch presidential award. I mean, we, because I talked, I think, before about Barra Cabama, spending half an hour doing a prediction bracket for the college basketball March Madness knockout phase, and suggesting that he should have had better things to do.

But if Trump had actually done this award ceremony as promised, it would have been sensational, but he didn't make that announcement, he didn't do those awards, making this the most meta award ceremony in human history. And I say that with admiration having been ecstatic to be five time runners up in the World Civil Metal Winning Championships. So he announced a dishonest fake awards ceremony, which he didn't then carry out, which means I won, I won, I won, I won, I won, I won, I won. Very good, Andy. Thank you.

Even more strikingly than that, and an early front runner for Tweet of the Year, was the nuclear button tweet on our five points in the history of human communication. Alice, let me read it to you, word for word, North Korean leader Kim Jong Un, just stated that quote, the nuclear button is on his desk at all times. Will someone from his depleted and food star, regime, please inform me that I too have a nuclear button, and it is a much bigger and more powerful than his and my button works, Exclamation Mark. Button with capital letter throughout there. As in all of it all caps or just the button.

No just the B of button. Oh like the Germans do for important words. Yeah or as if he has the British motor racing driver Jensen button, how much does it on his desk? If only that were true. the British motor racing driver, Jensen Button, how does this on his desk? If only that were true. I mean, we constantly get, I don't know about you Andy,

but I constantly, if I will talk about Trump, we'll get comments from the audience of like, oh, we're sick of hearing about him. But it is astonishing how he manages to consistently, it's a very impressive feat to consistently do things that are... It does slightly make you wonder, what the fuck is going on behind the scenes?

What he is distracting everyone with the most impressive display of endurance tWatery that the modern world has seen. It's bananas. Anyway, as often Trump has jumped to wrong conclusions, he misheard what Kim Jong Un said. He said, I have a new clear button on my desk. A special button that clears his desk.

It's an automated desk-tiding machine that he was given for Christmas that helps sort all his paperwork into manageable piles. Also, let's pick him up a bit of semantics here, Trump. Well, someone from his depleted and foodstaffed regime, it's not the regime that is depleted and foodstaffed. I mean, it's depleted in terms of the people who shot down with anti-acroft guns, the **** people that are depleted in foodstuff. And, um, oh well, I mean, he says, my button works. How does he know? How does

he know? I mean, I guess having said that has anyone heard from New Zealand since New Year? I certainly haven't. Draw your own conclusions, beugles. Does slightly make one hanker for the Cold War, the rather more subtle button boasting contests when the leaders of America and the USSR would just kind of hold up a single button pressing finger gently to their cheek, stroke it with a knowing yet threatening look down a camera lens,

and everyone knew we'd never blow each other up. It had the subtle romance of 1800s courtship where now they're sort of sending the dick pics of nuclear button. Before you used to just sort of gently imply that you might, you know, your eyes would meet across a crowded room and you'd wink in a nuclear sort of way. How'd you wink in a new clear way? Explosively, Andy. Let's take a word for that, Aleph. In maths news now, which I'm calling maths news before Harry comes on, because it's the right way to say it, the world's largest prime number has been discovered at more than 23 million digits long. It's known as M77232917 for short, which was my nickname in high school.

When it comes to discovering numbers, I don't know if you can say discovered when you mean counted up to. The new prime number was originally found on Boxing Day by the great internet Mercine Prime Search, otherwise known as GIMPS, it's a collaboration which harnesses the number crunching power of nerds, slash volunteers, computers all over the world. And Chris Kwaldwell, a professor of mathematics who runs a website on the largest prime numbers at the University of Tennessee, said, I'm surprised it was found this quickly, we expected it to take longer. And he said, it's like finding dead cats on the road, you don't expect to find two so close to one another. Which I'm not even going like, what's not your hobby, it's like prime numbers in dead

cat hunting. That raises how many questions? It does. I mean to find this number in the first place took six full days of non-stop computing on a PC owned by a man called Jonathan Pace, and it's the first time that his computer has churned out anything on the GIMPS project, and he's now eligible for a $3,000 award, which is pretty good. But when he was asked about mathematicians' fascination with such big numbers, Coldwell said they are exciting to those of us who are interested in them, which I guess that goes for people who like finding dead cats on the road as well. So more than 23 million digits. I mean it's amazing to have discovered this problem. And it

really changes everything about the world now. I imagine this will probably cure all known diseases and stop anyone starving to death. This could be the most important breakthrough in mathematical history. As you said, it's known as M77232917 Coincidentally, the phone number for the switchboard of the Bilderberg group. And by nickname in high school press the button again. The figure was arrived at by calculating 2 to the power of 77,232,917 and then subtracting 1 which left a gargantuan string of 23,249,425 digits coincidentally the exact number of people who voted leave in the EU referendum. If you add on 6 million and take off a bit. I mean this is all a very technological and you know a highfalutin way of doing what we used to do in primary school which was say infinity plus one. Yeah.

We need to come back to this comment. It's like finding dead cats on the road. You don't expect to find too so close to one another. So there's so much in the here to unpack. First of all, who expects to find a dead cat on the road? Right. Who expects to, who knows the average distance between dead cats on the road? How many must have measured it and worked it out? He's a mathematician. He goes with, you know, with provable facts. I mean, this is his hobby. What is the average distance between dead cats? I mean, I run over a cat about three years ago, ran out in front of my car and it was very much physics one cat nil. Oh dear. But I didn't see another dead cat within a million digits of that dead cat. So, I mean that was further away than these two prime numbers.

Well also mathematics speaking you have to figure out how how did the cat is because they die in nightss. Oh, of course, yeah. So is it? Is it fully dead cat? This cat went through, it's nine lives pretty bloody quick. You went back and forth over an ending? No. World's strongest man news now and Britain is back on top of the world. We are the strongest nation in the world like the good old days Eddie Hall, the British strongman has won the world's strongest

man competition. Britain's first win in the competition for over 20 years. Eddie Hall third place in 2016 on top of the podium in 2017 first British strongest man in the world Since of course Gary Taylor in 1993 you don't need to be a rocket scientist to know that When I was growing up Jeff Capes double world champion was He was on the biggest celebrities and Britain when I was a kid literally the very big man Literally was I mean he could pick up a Laurie in his teeth and spit it to the moon or something. Very impressive. Alexander, you're a massive fan of the world's strongest man competition.

I am. I watched the 2017 World's Strongest Man competition at EID as it does every sort of Christmas New Year period. And it was won by Eddie and I don't think you've mentioned his nickname, the Beast Hall, who like almost all other international level strong men looks like an Aggressively large bearded giant baby. I love the world's strongest man competition because it does indeed tell you who the strongest man in the world is. If you don't know what the international strong man competition is, it's where very big strong men do things like Carry heavy things pick up heavy things and drag heavy things like cars and planes to prove who is the strongest man in the world.

It's a great sport. I mean, it's so primitive, but perfect. Since the dawn of men, there were men who were like, I can totally pick up that big thing more than you. How can you not be fascinated by a sport where guys regularly lift things so big and with such strain that their heads spontaneously burst open and start bleeding. Like not like a nosebleed Andy, like part of the head just springs a leak because they're trying so hard.

Did that happen this year? Oh yes, yes more than once. A couple of nosebleeds, one mouth bleed and one just to help the sole of the head. It's a better sport than so many other sports. I'm not going to say it's better than cricket Andy, but that's only because I want to get booked on the bugling end. Think about it this way. It's like the first sport. After actual fighting and pretend fighting, it's lifting heavy things and dragging aeroplanes.

And then obviously things like throwing stuff, which is a guess where cricket comes in. Strong man is always in some out of the way, tax haven country this year, in hell in Gabaron, Botswana. So you got to see the unusual sporting spectacle of a whole lot of very confused black people watching giant white men picking up inexplicable things for inexplicable reasons. And the runner-up this year was a fan favorite game of Throne Star, Julius Hathor Björnsson, who competed despite suffering from Bell's paulsy. Let me say it is hard to remind yourself when a man is doing a sport where competitors regularly spring impromptu blood fountains out of their skulls that his half paralyzed

face is due to a totally unrelated infection and not the fact that he's currently trying to squat rack a small cow. The disconcerting thing Andy. Well, it's his sixth time on the podium and he's never won it. He's never won it. He's never won. He's an Icelandic and when Jeff Cates is big rival back in, back in the John Paul Sigmason was in that. I mean, why is it, what is it with the Icelandic people that makes them so is it, they're just usually like picking up volcanoes and chucking them in the sea before they go off? Strong people. They are strong people and they've traditionally been very good in the strong man competitions,

mainly because there's not much else to do in Iceland than try and pick up cows and things. Lift things up. Donald Trump responded, he tweeted, my nukes are stronger than your glutes. But it's, I mean, I do worry for the future of it, though. Vladimir and finished the credible 7th place by the way. I do worry for the future of the world's strongest man competition, Alice, because I mean it's something of a relic of a bygone age and it'll all be done on computer games soon. We'll have the e-world's e-strongest e-man who could make an animated warlord called Growl Clatch the unmerciful lift up the Titanic with his penis?

Well, 20,000 idiots in an arena lose their shit. Is this the future people? Yes. I was once 18th in the world's weakest man competition. Really? What did you have to do in that? Just try and snap a pencil. Yeah, I failed to put up a shelf. I did want to lose control of a lawnmower and put it through a fence. For more on that you have to wait for my full autobiography. Well, we are joined now from the very centre of the snow pockleps in Queens, New York, by a coldness fugitive, Harry Kondabalu. How are things in the snow pockleps? We're getting by here.

We're getting by. It's difficult. You look outside and it says, why does Trump's America horrendous? Everywhere. I mean, if you looked at New York, you would assume that he was electable here. Right. It's just

Herendus. I'm stuck in my parents' home. I mean, it's really the bare minimum. Let me just put it to you this way. I'm making coffee with a curried coffee maker. Wow. Right. I have no access to a coffee shop.

Oh my god. I mean, it doesn't even bear, bear thinking about to think that this can happen in the year 2018 puts everything in perspective. I mean, I'm not wearing clothes, but there has nothing to do with the bomb cyclone snow. So essentially what is happening is a physical satire of America that is you're isolated cold and white like the heart of government. And yeah, I can make fun of a tragedy like this. We're in the middle of something really intense. Like again, I am unable to leave this home. I physically am able but it's just very cold. Are you trapped in your parents home with your parents?

No, they left for work. You can get through it. It's just been described as a bomb cyclone. So what exactly, what form is this taken in New York? Well a bomb cyclone in America is different than bomb cyclones in other places because it's neither a bomb nor a cyclone. Oh, there's just been a lot of snow. Right, okay. Well, Harry, if Christmas movies have taught me nothing, being snowed in is an opportunity to resolve all of your family issues

and find the love of your life. Well, I think that's already resolved, because my parents are not in the house right now, and I'm alone with my family. LAUGHTER Tell me at least, Harry, that Uber Eats is still running. LAUGHTER I wish I had thought of that. That would have been a good idea as opposed

to being forced to eat Indian food or whatever it is these people make here. Well Harri, we do hope that you managed to you through the rest of the winery armageddon that has been unleashed on America by the forces of fate? And how are we back on a full bugle later this month? How are you? Thanks for joining us. Do for heaven's sake put some clothes on. Well, I don't want you to tell me what to do, but I might because I can't feel my never

region. because I can't feel my never-region. That's because of the climate in the entertainment industry, rather than the weather. Eyo! Those will be my last words on the bugle as I've reached today. Eyo! Creating a brand new island so you can get drunk on New Year's Eve news now and some people in New Zealand have responded to an alcohol ban in their area in an almost godlike way by creating a new island on which to sit and drink alcohol like some kind of

cross between Zeus Dionysus and whatever other god you want to throw into the equation. They built a tiny sand fort in the sea just off in an estuary in Coromandel and then claimed it was in international waters and therefore not affected by the local alcohol ban. Yeah, and the construction attracted admiration from the police rather than censure Inspector John Kelly commented that's creative thinking if I'd known about it I probably would have joined them. Which I've got to say Andy, well it shows an admirable spirit of ladness. It fails to fulfill his legal duty as a police officer to tell them that international waters is a technical term and to truly apply to this situation would require the tiny homemade island to have been at

least 12 nautical miles from the low water mark of the coastal state. Also, I mean, is that the kind of thing you want to hear from a police chief? I mean, after, you know, some massive, great 40 billion pound robbery of gold bullion from time on, you think, oh, that was a good idea. I thought, I'd have been right there. Yeah, we should have been part of that. But it just shows the unending capacity of the human brain to find ways around attempts to stop them getting pissed. Yeah, it's admirable ingenuity. Who says that drinking causes brain damage? Yeah, it provokes creative thinking. Maybe it balances

each other out. The threat of removing alcohol, balances how it's all drinking alcohol itself. My real question is if they built the island sober, or if it then slumped into the sea halfway through. Well, a history will be the judge of that, I guess. But I mean, it does raise a slightly dangerous precedent that if you don't like the laws of somewhere,

you just build an island somewhere. What for Australia? Your emails now and thank you for the emails you've sent in. This came in from Jackie, who writes, hello, just a short note to say that after drinking everything in my house on Christmas Eve with my mother and auntie, I woke up Christmas morning very delicate and rather queasy. As I often do in these situations, I popped on a podcast and laid down, shut my eyes and tried not to hurl. Unfortunately, this was an issue with the bugle where Chris had festively replaced the bleeps with stomach-turning burps.

The results with me spending all of Chris was mourning vomiting. That literally, I've not had a more heartwarming email in my whole time on the show and I don't think it was meant to be that way. That's the kind of power you wield in the producer's chair. As I won't hold a grudge, right, Jackie, against the other possible culprit, bracket's wine, I place the blame squally at your feet. Yes! Right. Well, Jackie, I'd love to tell you that Chris is looking chastised and apologetic. I've never seen a man look more true. He has the glee in his eyes that you have at the end of a successful pun

rat, aren't he? It's my equivalent, making listeners sick. Although that's nothing compared to the clear miles at the end of an unsuccessful pun run. And truly do they say, f**k you Chris. And this extremely exciting email comes from Axel, who writes subject, Bob Slay in the Olympics. Hello Andy and Nish, I'm gonna take a guess at who will be on when reading this. Bad luck. Fuck you, Ethel.

50% right, one out of two. My name is Axel and I am a member of the British Bob Slay team. Yes. Welcome to the show, Axel. I would like to take a moment to thank you for your ongoing Bob Slay references. They always catch my ear.

I look forward to your coverage of the Winter Olympics and we are. The bugle is exclusively covering the Winter Olympics. We are the only media outlets with full rights to cover the Winter Olympics. Though hopefully I'll be a tad too busy to listen immediately. I assume you're listening while you're sitting in the back of your Bob Slay, isn't it? Don't you just hop in and stick your headphones on and wait until you're bang into something at the bottom? I think you have to think aerodynamic thoughts. Right, okay. I think that's the technical to.

Right, that's the level of sporting expertise you're on this show for us. Would you consider a pun run for us winter athletes? Well, this, we've only just picked up this email, but consider that pun run very much commissioned axle and that will be, and for there may be several pun runs to be honest. Considering our sport involves sliding down hills in a sometimes unexpected fashion, a fast-paced

thrilling ride along some bumpy puns seems fitting. All the best and go Team GB, thanks Axel, Bob's letter extraordinaire which is a nice way to sign off an email. Well, actually, that Pound Run will be coming in the near future in the next couple of weeks. On the strict condition that you and the rest of the British Bob's Letter Team are listening to it, whilst hurtling down the Olympic Bob's Letter run at 70 plus miles an hour. So, do keep your emails coming in, particularly if you're a member of a major sporting event. To HelloBuglers at theBugelPodcast.com. The Winter Olympics, as I said, we will be covering the Winter Olympics exclusively on behalf of this planet. The opening ceremony is on 9th of February. So, we will be covering it. And it's being held in Pion Chang South Korea ironically Pion Chang is the noise that happens when a Bob Sledron goes wrong Well, that brings us

Sliding and sledding to the end of this week's this week's bugle. I could be a local radio. Do you? Please don't. Hi. Alice, thanks as ever for coming on, particularly at such short notice. That's my pleasure. Do come and see Alice appear with me in the Certifiable History at Soho Theatre next Tuesday to Friday and come and see all of my tour shoes, tour shoes, all my tour shows. Thereafter and the like you will on the 18th of January all details on the internet. I have a podcast, it's called Tea with Alice, it is not like this but it is fun.

Not funny but fun. It is very different to the Google, I can confidently say that I have been appeared on it. But it did involve some very nice tea. Thank you for listening, Google, it. Happy New Year! Happy New Year! And I want you all to get out there and Bob's led your way to work in honour of the British Bob's 13, officially sponsored by the Bugle Poggions. Giving them pung runs for free is less sponsorship than it is sabotage, and it keeps. I can stick a Bugle, a Bugle logo on the shirt. Let's do it. Probably against IOC regulations.

Right, thank you for listening. Until next time, goodbye. Ah!