The Bugle - Bugle 4062 – Bullwinkle

Episode Date: March 17, 2018

Andy is joined by Hari Kondabolu to discuss Russian spies in Salisbury, the end of Rex Tillerson, French baguette news and the happiness index.With@HelloBuglers@harikondabolu@ProducerChrisMore episodes and info on our website: http://thebuglepodcast.comWe are proud members of Radiotopia Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Dancelaguard fans, you will be thrilled to know a book is coming out if you fund it via Unbound. We are publishing the Dancelaguard Reader by Alice Fraser and Dancelaguard, a glorious insight into the world of Dancelaguard, self-published romance maven, and online bestseller. If you would like to find out how to support it, go to thebugelpodcast.com. If we get enough support, we will publish the book. That's a real thing that's going to happen. Thebugelpodcast.com to support the Danciler Guard Reader. A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A Audio newspaper for a visual world. Hello, Bee Euglers and welcome to issue 4,062 of the Bugle Audio newspaper for a visual world for the week beginning Monday the 19th of March 2018. I am Andy Zoltsman and I'm here in London because of, well, a series of unlikely coincidences

stretching back, what, around about 100,000 years now. I've had that applies to both me and London, because I'll easily turn that very differently on both counts, particularly if those two horny proto-humans hadn't met her that student disco in 86,000 BC. I have not been poisoned by the Russian government, which is nice, but nor coincidentally have I definitely not been poisoned by the Russian government, which is slightly concerning, but we're going to push on with the show nonetheless. And joining me this week, for the first time in, well, frankly, too long, all the way from New York City, which is currently still in the USA, but could easily be coming home

to the mullership once we get Empire Mock 2 up and running next year. It is Harry Kondabalu. Oh, hello. Andy, I just want to quickly say that the rumors regarding my death are incorrect. And I would like to apologize for that disappointment. Alright, okay. Well, apology very much, except I will cease putting out those tweets. But, uh, I see, have you still got time to cancel the funeral?

Because I've ordered a hell of a lot of sandwiches for it. Ha! Um, ha! But, uh, I see, have you still got time to cancel the funeral? Because I've ordered a hell of a lot of sandwiches for it. Ha! Um, ha! Ha! How have you been? Other than not dead, which is great news. I mean, I'm always kind of at a medium, so I'm...

It's okay. That's a good way to be, isn't it? You have a steady... Steady six out of ten. Well, yeah, I mean, uh-depressants keep it that way. What a happy start to make up. This is why I'm the fifth most popular bugle host. We are recording on the 16th of March.

On this day, this is the anniversary of when Mississippi became the final states to formally ratify the 13th Amendment abolishing slavery. Do you know what year that was in, Harry? That Mississippi ratified that amendment. 1987? I was 1995. Oh my god. Which seems a little on the late side of things, but I guess you know you've got to you know Do all the background reading just in case On this day in 1926 the first ever liquid fuel rocket was fired by Robert H. Goddard's 92 years ago today You don't need to be a rocket historian to know that you just need access to a basic search engine

The flight of the first ever liquid fuel rocket lasted 2.5 seconds. It reached an altitude of 13 meters and covered a distance of 60 meters in those two and a half seconds before crashing into some cabbages. Coincidentally, that's the same average height, distance and speed that a household cat jumps when Steve Bannon tries to stroke it. But just 43 years after that 60-meter flight Neil Armstrong went six and a half million times as far and landed on a giant cabbage, the moon, the 17th of March. We'll be the anniversary of the day in the year 180 that Marcus O'Reillius, the philosopher-emperor, died D. C. Celstel pin up Boy of Stoic philosophy,

he preached self-restraint duty, respect for others, but then again he did live before social media and the 24 hour new cycle. So it was a bit of fucking easier than, Mark, he wasn't it. Try that shit now mate, good luck. He was succeeded by a Commodus, the Emperor Commodus, who of course as we all know, ended up being killed in the Colosseum live by Maximus Desemus Meridius in front of a baying crowd and hundreds

of film cameras. A Commodus, according to history, via Wikipedia, did in fact fight in the arena. That was true, his death might have been slightly exaggerated in that film. And he would charge Rome one million Cestorsies for the privilege of watching him fight, which in modern money is, let me just quickly do some, a f*** of a lot. And he also would club people to death whilst pretending they were giants. And in what on one specific day he killed a hundred lions. And also he wants to capitate in an ostrich with special darts because why the hell not when you're emperor and

slated your off just because it was tall and that does raise the question harry would you rather have him as your president now than Donald Trump communist versus Trump oh comodus com without a doubt comodus does not a tweet he's completely unfamiliar with modern with that it doubt. Communist doesn't know how to tweet. He is completely unfamiliar with modern technology. That's exactly what we need right now. Or would you like to see Donald Trump slay a hundred lions? Would that make you respect him more or less? I would like him to attempt it.

Well, I'll make a few calls. What can happen? And on the 19th of March, which is Monday this year, Well, I'll make a few calls to what can happen. And on the 19th of March, which is Monday this year, in 1649, the House of Commons in England passed an act abolishing the House of Lords declaring it to be useless and dangerous to the people of England, still going through the committee stage of that one. Legislation can be a very, very slow process. As always, a section of the bugle is going straight

in the bin and ahead of my impending trip to the Southern Hemisphere to perform my new show right questions, wrong answers in Melbourne, Sydney, Wellington and Auckland with some live bugles along the way. In the bin this week is a Southern Hemisphere section and in which we investigate, given that there is space for a whole new continent in the Southern Hemisphere, where should it go? Should space for a whole new continent in the southern hemisphere,

where should it go? Should we fill up that massive gap in the Pacific or maybe something in the Indian Ocean so that it's closer to the profitable Middle East region or maybe the southern Atlantic, which frankly could do with a bit of a refit and a modernisation? Or controversially, has the southern hemisphere had its day changed very little as a hemisphere hemisphere for ages living at way behind the North in terms of population, economic power and Olympic medals. So should we even keep it? Is it time for this planet to share in half? Text us, your view, don't do that.

Should Antarctica be shared more equally? Or our poll up here has no land at all and that's causing problems. Also, we asked the Southern Hemisphere, why did you do what you did to Amelia Earhart's You Sexist Monsters? And given that it's well known that water in the Southern Hemisphere flows from the plug hole back up into the tap, did you also know that the bubbles in fizzy drinks in the Southern Hemisphere are in fact upside down?

It's very hard to tell but it is technically a fact. Also we have a special feature on Southern Hemisphere wildlife, penguins, fact or fiction, what the f***'s up with kangaroos, and why were crocodiles exempted under the unconvention of unnecessarily aggressive species, brackets Southern Hemisphere only version? That section in the bit. B well, exciting times here in England's harry. We appear to have gone back in time to the Cold War with Russia allegedly attempting to bump off one of its own spies in the sleepy city of Salisbury. These are strange times, as we say, pretty much every week

on this show. And it appears to have led to a full-scale Cold War style tit-for-tat spy expulsion exchange. And I mean, there's a lot of nostalgia flying around, really, for the Cold War. I'm sorry, I'm just the slight concern about people using nerve agents on the streets of a British day. I mean, this is the biggest Russian spy scandal since the spy Anna Chapman was caught in the US. Remember her? And then she later posed for playboy.

And before that scandal, there was that other spit scandal with the two spies who tried to catch the talking moose. Boris and Natasha, I believe. It's a bullwinkle joke. It's a reference to... I mean, an American cartoon. There's not enough bullwinkle jokes on this podcast, Harry. And I thank you for the bottle of fire. Well, if you're gonna do a Russian spy story, of course, a bullwinkle joke is going to make its way in. I think that there's no choice. I mean, just because most of the listeners

will have no idea what I'm talking about, that's not my fault. No. I mean, anything with the word bull in it should fit in right on the show. No complaints. I mean, it's been a while to be honest, since I even thought of the deGlorious combination of syllables that is bullwinkle, which does sound like a tremendous euphemism for some hideously embarrassing medical condition. But I mean, thanks for bringing it back. Oh, do we know how Rocky and Bullwinkle are getting on these days?

Oh, they're cartoons, Andy. Right, I mean, because I mean, a lot of cartoon characters that were popular back in the day have fallen on hard times. And many of them are in rehab. Some of turn to prostitution. I mean, I've no idea what's happened to those two. I mean, Russia's back in right now, man I think this is the time for the comeback

This is it this is this is what they've been waiting for the more Uncle people British politicians have understandably reacted strongly to what Appears to be but may not absolutely definitely be the actions of the Russian state in releasing it using a nerve agent on British soil. The defense secretary Gavin Williams and use possibly the strongest words you can use in international diplomacy when he told Russia to go away and shut up. No No one! Take that! Sit down! Boris Johnson also came out strongly against Russia, in which he had the concrete proof of Russia's guilt in this matter, Harry. He said, there is something in the kind of smug, sarcastic response that we've heard from Russia. That indicates their fundamental guilt. They're being slammed for smugness by Boris Johnson.

Again, that is like being slammed for painting Willey's Honour ceiling by Michael Angelo, as I've said before. Also, is he addressing Russia as if it was a single entity, a natter collection of human beings. Yes, I think so. I mean, to be honest, it is basically Putin. Right. A hundred and eighty million barnacles, Dr. him. But if excessive smugness is an indicator

of guilt for a crime, what the f***ers Boris Johnson been doing for the last 30 years, dig up his patio. There must be an absolute grand mother load of dirt that he is covering up. I mean, there is one possible explanation for this, the way that Boris Johnson interpreted Russia's reaction as being smug,

that he thought he was watching the news but had not in fact switched his television on and was just seeing his own reflection in the screen. Jeremy Corbyn by contrast was heavily criticized for his under-reaction to the incidents he expressed outrage, called for a strong British and international multilateral response,

and expressed some doubt that it was definitely a hundred percent an action of the Russian government which is basically what Theresa made it but because it was Jeremy Corbyn the response was The most of the things are at the gate. The time for underreaction has passed, Harry. This is the 21st century. This is the age of rushing to judgment and overegging as many political puddings as possible. Let us state facts. This was an act of war. A direct attack on British hardworking family values. What if her majesty the Queen had been in the army for the first time?

What if her majesty the Queen had been in the army for the first time? At a state fax, this was an act of war, a direct attack on British hardworking family values. What if her majesty the queen had been out having a mid-range disappointing peacher in a chain restaurant in Salisbury that afternoon? What then? Today, this targeting a specific expo in a clumsy 1970s kind of way, putting innocent bystanders at risk in the infantile internal bloodfuge. We all know that this inevitably leads to a full-scale land and sea invasion by the full might of the Soviet Red Army and Red Navy, unless we are the preemptively invade Russia

now with whatever is left of our armed forces that aren't needed to help us sporting events, plus any particularly pugnacious stag parties that fancy a bit of a rumble. Or we expel 23 diplomats, we've gone for option B and telling them to go away and shut up. What's the reaction in America being to because Donald Trump hasn't come out so quite as strongly against Putin and Russia as he tends to, whenever someone a bit of brown does something a bit naughty and Britain. It hasn't really been a story here for a few reasons. I think first of all, is that it doesn't involve us.

Right. Nobody was killed here. So therefore, it's less important. Right. Also, nobody knows what Sal is at Sal's Berry. Yes. I mean, I think people did hear about that. They would immediately think of the steak.

Again, it doesn't connect to us in any way. What I find most amazing about the stories that these former Russian spies were attacked with Novichik, which is a nerve agent created by the Russians. And only they have this nerve agent, yet they still deny it was them, which makes me believe that Putin is using Trump's favorite strategy, which is the it floor with someone who isn't your partner, you still say it wasn't me.

Well, I mean, a mystery Russia does have form, but that doesn't necessarily mean that they are definitely guilty. I mean, the way I see it, say in the 1990s, if you live next door to the Olympic Javilan champion, Jan Zelesnik, and his garden backed door to the Olympic Javlin Champion, Jan Zlezny, and his garden backed on to yours and wasn't quite long enough for his Javlin practice sessions, and he kept popping around to your house to say, please, going to have my Javlin back. And then one day, a Javlin landed on your lawn. It wouldn't necessarily mean that Jan Zlezny had thrown that javelin, but if he turned up looking guilty, then maybe you

would be right to have your suspicions. All I'm saying is, don't ever live next door to a professional javelin thrower. It's a recipe for disaster. I'll be honest with you Andy, I saw that joke coming a million miles away. I immediately thought he's gonna go into a javelin analogy. There's no other place for that. I mean, I guess we do have to, you know, in the modern age, except that Moscow should be treated as guilty until proven very slightly less guilty. But it's led to some slightly panicked over reactions off here.

Didn't the British say that they weren't going to play in the World Cup? Was that the threat that they would pull out of the World Cup in Russia because of this? There was a suggestion of that, but that is not so much a threat against Russia, as a threat against ourselves, and the football loving, football fans of the United Kingdom. Because it's not just England fans that this is going to affect,

England pulling out of the World Cup. Because none of the other nations of the UK qualified for the World Cup. And yet the highlight of every four years of international football for Scottish, well, and Northern Irish football fans is seeing England knocked out of a World Cup in humiliating embarrassing circumstances.

Well, we cannot deprive them of that moment of happiness. Well, that's where I don't get. Like, how was that a threat? Because they, you know, I don't know much about European soccer. But I do know that they lose every world cup. So if a tree falls in a forest, you know what I mean? Yes.

Salisbury is an odd place for a major international diplomatic incident. For, let me fill in some of the gaps for you, Harry. I have a special Salisbury Fact File. Salisbury is an old city in southern England that is best known for three things. It's cathedral, it's cathedral, and a painting of its cathedral by John Constable. Some believe that the reason the Soviet army invaded Salisbury was because of the British record-holding cathedral spire. At 123 metres tall it's the highest in the United Kingdom and it shaped a bit like it might be concealing a nuclear warhead, as indeed so many churros

buyers are. The cathedral contains a copy of the Magna Carta, the 1215 classic constitutional text that people in Britain like to bang on about without really knowing much about what it really said, which is mostly quite boring from what I skim read about it in an article a couple years ago. The Magna Carta, the foundation of our democratic rights, allows all British people the right to strap a wolf to each of their feet. The average person in Salisbury is between 0.7 and 2.5 meters tall, although some are temporarily at least even shorter, though these small individuals are often hidden away from public scrutiny and a pram or something. And there is one guy who

likes to stand on a bench and jump up and down, shouting, I'm a giant. There's your Salisbury fact box. Why would they attack Salisbury? It's kind of if that happened in the u.s. that would be horrendous because there's all these you know states in the middle of the country that think they're going to be attacked all the time and so they get all this money from homeland security but nothing's ever happened if there was an attack in any way in a part of the the country that i find insignificant which is anywhere between the coast i mean that would be catastrophic.

America Newsbreak, Secretary of State Rex Tillerson fired. No one is surprised, including Rex Tillerson. So Rex Tillerson, the Secretary of State, former Secretary of State of the United States, was fired via Twitter by Donald Trump, which I know doesn't sound particularly dignified or classy, but it's actually one of his classier moves, if you remember, because he used to have a TV show where he would publicly fire and humiliate people weekly. So him only tweeting it is pretty good. Right, because it's not, it's not being generally described as a behavioral step up to fire the Secretary of State by Twitter.

I mean, it's interesting, I mean, is this, is this signs that, that Trump has been gradually civilized, the further he gets away from being a reality TV show? host? Well, no, because he's, he's still dealing with potentially paying off a pornographic film actress to hide and affair that he was having with us during his wife's pregnancy also potentially rigging the American election with the help of the Russians. Oh, and there's a bunch of other stuff I don't have time to.

But apart from that. Yeah. Oh, there's progress then. Yes. To fire someone by Twitter to my eats disappointing, I don't know what's wrong with a public headbutt. Or he could have just had a Tillerson kidnap by Mafia Goons bundled into the back of a truck driven out to the Rocky Mountains in Dumped in a Forest It would have been more honest more dignified and in some ways more decisive in terms of Trump's leadership

Are you gonna miss Miss big Rexie seems reviewed as one of the worst Secretary of State in American history, you know Yes, and no I American history. You know, yes and no. I will miss him because he said the most honest thing that anyone in the administration has said, which is that Trump is a moron. He did it behind closed doors, of course it leaked because everything leaks with this administration, but it was refreshing to hear. Also, you know, I of course i was very cynical about him because he was the

chairman and cio of exon mobile that was his previous political experience which is not political uh... and he was recommended by kandaleza right so that's not a good sign so initially i scoffed at it but when you think about it's the most transparent thing I've ever seen in American politics.

Because before we'd say things like, no, our foreign policy choices have nothing to do with our quest for oil. And with Tillerson, it was like, f*** it, an oil executive is more efficient for our needs. Like, you have to respect, it is the most direct. Like, yeah, yeah, this is what we're doing, and we're gonna do it better than we used to do it.

Also, I like the job he was fired from a job that was greasier than his old job, which was working for oil. Ha-ha. I mean, the low opinion in which Chilis and Pesby held broadly in America is proved by this fact that was out in the news today. Apparently, fewer than 2% of American 18-21-year-olds have a tattoo of Rex Tillerson. That compares unfavorably

with the 4.5% of the same age bracket who had a Madeline Albright tattoo when she was sexier of state, and 3.7% for George P. Schultz in the 1980s and given it there were far fewer tattoos generally then those really are harrowing statistics. The record of course an astonishing 26% of all 18 to 20 on your old Americans had a tattoo of Cordell Hall in the Roosevelt years Hamilton Hamilton Fish, who was a secretary of state from 1869 to 17 to 1877, still clocks up at a surprising 1.3 percent, although only if you count tattoos of fish as tributes to the former governor of New York.

In terms of Trump's presidency, Harry, it does appear to continue to tiptoe its way through the intricate maze of domestic and international politics, like a cocaine-addled, continue to tiptoe its way through the intricate maze of domestic and international politics, like a cocaine-addled, simmitar-wielding hippopotamus through an elderly nun's birthday picnic. It's getting increasingly noisy and increasingly messy, and the only way to justify it for the hippopotamus is to keep behaving in exactly the same way until the scientists and the hippopotamus stations agree that this is in fact just the normal way that hip-opotomies behave and f**k those greedy nuns, they should never have built their convent

on this now, a free-range hip-ho zone. It's very hard to see a long-term vision or pattern emerging. It just seems to be, you know, in terms of long-term planning, is it ever going more than about eight seconds ahead? It's not going to inverse goldfish. It seems like Captain Scott turning up at the, uh, at the Antarctic, leaping out of his boat in a t-shirt and shorts, running up to the nearest penguin, punching it repeatedly in the face until it

dies and then screaming, we're winning. We're one in a lap. We are winning. I mean, I, I stopped thinking about the long term once Trump got elected. I mean, who's thinking about the long term once Trump got elected. I mean, who's thinking about the long term? You know, every day there's a thought of imminent death. What fool is investing in the long term right now? Trump's politics. I mean, he does appear to, you know, sort of react in the moment.

They kind of appear to be somewhat akin to an inflatable penis strapped to a pole on a windy day. LAUGHTER Which every way the winds blow, just get out the way. Of all the imagery, that's the one I lost. The hippo one I held it together for that. For some reason. So into Rex Tillerson's still warm diplomatic jockstrap,

steps Mike Pompeo, a Trump loyalist, the thinking sick of Ants sick of Ant, a man who in the past has said, Jesus Christ is truly the only solution for our world. Those words are looking truer and truer by the fucking day. I mean, that seems like lazy CIA-ing. Like you're supposed to be finding solutions and ants like real like nitty gritty kind of things

and things that would help inform policy by what you're discovering and doing. And his answer is Jesus, which anyone, anyone can have that answer. Anyone, you don't need to be trained to be like, what are you gonna do? Well, Jesus. I mean, I think that one of the bigger stories here too

is that because Mike Pompeo is taking the secretary of state job, the CIA now has a woman, Gina Haspel, as the first ever CIA head, which is very important in addition to it being historic. It's Trump's proof that he is not sexist. Right. There's a quote he said, he said, quote, I handpicked her, and that doesn't mean I grabbed her vagina.

Oh. So she's broken through the glass ceiling, as to be the first female CIA head, and I guess as head of the CIA, we'll probably then use the glass shards from that ceiling to torture confessions out of Terry's suspects. What's her background?

She was number two at the CIA, and now she's number one. So that's a logical career step, I step. Yeah yeah yeah. In many ways. Yeah. There have been well other other Trump Trumpian women in the news including including Stormy Daniels. The alleged star of a pornography with whom Mr. Trump may have star of pornographia with whom Mr. Trump may have thrunkled his guard Julian's some years ago. I guess the question is, would Stormy Daniels be a more informed education secretary than Betsy DeVos? And could you do a better job in the State Department than Rex Tillisnt did? And if the people of America were given the choice now between Stormy Daniels and Donald Trump, who would they pick? Oh, I mean, they would pick Stormy Daniels.

The American people are very disappointing. And they're not worried about qualifications, qualifications, you know, over losers. They're for nerds. I think Stormy Daniels, why couldn't she be Secretary of State? Americans, you know, over losers, they're for nerds. I think Stormi, and honestly Stormi Daniels, why couldn't she be Secretary of State? She has no foreign policy experience. She's never worked in any kind of political office. She's completely qualified.

Right. It's the way politics is going isn't it? The Betsy DeVos interview that had, well, considerable viral traction in the news, could you just talk us through that? She's an education secretary who appears to really have no real qualifications to be education secretary, other than the fact that she really illustrates on an almost hourly basis the dangers of clearly not having ever paid any attention to any teachers. Yes, that is correct. She grew up incredibly wealthy and then she married somebody who was incredibly wealthy.

She's never actually worked in the field. She believes in charter schools and that public money that goes to public schools which are already underfunded should go into these charter schools and parents, especially poor parents should have a choice where to send their kids. What that does do is again, destroy public school education. And so she was asked about that because she, you know, her home states Michigan and Leslie Stahl asked her on 60 minutes. Well, hasn't your state gotten worse in public school education since you started implementing these plans when you were there and she did not know the answer. And then she was asked if she had gone to any of the underperforming schools in Michigan, her home state, and she had not. And Leslie Stahl said, maybe she should. And Betsy DeVas said, yeah, that might be a good idea.

So essentially, Betsy DeVas sounded like someone who was educated in a public school that was now broke because of Betty DeVasse. Which he said she hadn't intentionally visited under performing schools, which does suggest that there may have been accidental visits or more likely that she'd visited high performing schools, which through just a few minutes, seconds even of contact with Betty DeVasse, instantaneously became under performinging Spirits who share force of her aura of incompetence. Trump to meet Kim Jong Un. The end is near.

Right, that's a bit worrying. Are you gonna elaborate on the end being there or? Oh yeah, yeah, I suppose. So Donald Trump agreed to meet with Kim Jong-un, the head of North Korea. Without his cabinet really knowing or approving it, he was just like, f*** it. I can put the fate of the world in my hands because of my top negotiating skills.

So what I'm assuming is this will end with the first Trump hotel in North Korea. Ha ha ha. I mean, there's no other, I mean, everything he's negotiated for. He keeps talking about his negotiating skills, but he's only really negotiated for Trump products. They have a lot in common, Kim Jong-un and Donald Trump have a lot in common.

Their father gave them a lot to get started. Terrible haircuts. I mean, they sound like Jesus Christ there as well So, father gave him a lot and bad hair. Jesus did not have bad hair. Well, maybe he did. We don't know. Well, thank God that Argentinian 1970s footballer. I'll withdraw that. Oh, I'm sorry. I thought...

You said Jesus, I thought you said Bjorn Borg. Very much interchangeable in the world. Right. So yeah, father gave them a lot of get started. Both of them peaked early, really. And left the game way too soon. Yeah. Father gave them a lot to get started.

They had terrible haircuts, wives who were seemingly out of their league. And also they both have the ability to destroy the world. So this makes sense. It's a combination.. So this makes sense, yeah, this makes sense in the latest world happiness rankings. USA 18th, UK 19th, and going with the 20th team Premier League structure, that puts us both in the relegation zone with just a few weeks left of the season, often when this happens to a club, they change their manager in a panic effort to

bump themselves up the league. I think I could probably do both of us the world of good. The winners, Finland. Finland is the officially the happiest country in the world. Quite how that's happened. Everyone loves a like, but it's got to be more to it than that. Oh yeah, I mean, I think there's no but it's got to be more to it than that. Oh, yeah. I mean, I think there's no other explanation for this amount of happiness other than they have a nationwide nuclear bunker. There's no other way that they could feel this. The world is more insecure and scared about the present and future than ever before. And they're happier than everyone else, they have a nuclear bunker.

Well, we look at the top four. It's Finland, Norway, Denmark, Iceland, Sweden, or so sneaked into the top 10. It's almost like not having wars, famines and economic catastrophes makes a nation slightly happier. I don't know if the science backs that up. Finland's GDP per capita, though, is significantly lower than the USA. But according to one of the people quoted, Finland is good at translating wealth into well-being, which sounds to me just like a country that is boring, not corruption, boring, good public health, socially tolerant support for the less fortunate, boring, boring, boring. You might be the happiest nation in the world, Finland, but imagine the life of a Finnish newsreader.

Oh my God. I mean, how, I mean, it must be terrible. The lake was wet today and it's cold and winter. I mean Finland Barely overtook Norway as the happiest country like barely the Norwegians went down and there is a single man to blame His name is Perry Larson on December 31st, 2017 last day of the year On December 31st, 2017, last day of the year, Perry had a bad day after being unable to find his wristwatch. That single shift in mood was just enough for the fins to get by the Norwegians. He released a statement later, this is true Andy, this is real. He released a statement, he said, I am so sorry for my behavior, a total overreaction. I could have just checked my cell phone

for the time like normal people. I'm so sorry, all this disappointment over a time X. I'm young, I'm healthy, I'm happy. Those are the things I've got to remember. Take on me, take me me on which of course is the The customary Norwegian goodbye. Yes, this is the national anthem of the evening So what I mean how I changed for the USA actually seems you know higher than you would expect at the moment given the absolute Jeroboam of fury that is

Continually uncorked by American politics. Well, what America has going for is ignorance. It allows you to ignore what's happening in the world because you don't know what's happening. It allows you to just enjoy the moment because you don't remember what happened before and you don't care about what's happening later. So that kind of keeps it going, right? This kind of childlike onto the next. So ignorance is a bliss, but only like the 18th most blissful.

Also, I mean, I guess you do have to factor in the extent to which your country is making all other countries unhappy. So that probably does keep America closer to the top than it would otherwise be just by dragging everyone else down. So it's actually a good good tactics to see a American foreign policy currently. In France news now and a French Baker has been ordered to pay a three thousand euro fine for working too hard after he refused to close his shop for a day a week last summer as he is

well legally obliged to do under under French French law people in his local town were appalled it basically been fine for working too hard well i think the world needs more of this, Harry, because I mean, you look at the people who've worked really hard in their lives, Joseph Stalin, put in the hours, that did not end well for the world. So when he's a clamped down on hard workers, hard workers like that, slackers of the world unite. Also, we have a robot revolution coming and we're going to need to take more

than why more than just a single day off a week, even if we are a high quality French and Boulanger. Ladies and report, Harry, say that one in three jobs is vulnerable to the impending robot revolution. Don't worry, we're the other two. We are safe. We are absolutely safe. But according to the latest predictions that I've got in this book here, if automation continues at its current rate, the motorbike will have entirely replaced the donkey as a means of transport as soon as the year 1923, albeit that I haven't updated my paperwork for a while.

I mean, I don't think this is good, Andy. I really don't. I mean, because it was a bakery. Like, this is the most liberal fascism I've ever heard of. He's being punished for keeping a bakery open, the happiest place in the world. A bakery. Bakery's like hospitals and police stations

must be kept open at all times in case of emergencies. What if someone was smoking marijuana and wanted a French pastry, then what Andy? It'd be stark. I guess there's always hidden victims in these things. Yeah. Well particularly in France as well, which is a nation that is essentially built on the baguettes. Surely, you expect there to be 24, 7, 3, 6, 5 bikeries in every single

village. I mean, absolutely, Andy. I mean, if you were someone who based your view of other nations based on stereotypes you've seen in television and film, absolutely. We in Britain never do that. We've never done that. We will never ever do that. Sports news now and in football news. I mean, football has long since surpassed any challenge for the most ridiculous thing in the world, frankly. Top level professional, real football, not your football, proper, global football. And this week, the owner of a Greek football team got crossed with a referee making a dodgy decision and stormed onto the pitch with a gun,

which arguably is taking football very slightly too seriously. That's funny, because the NRA said it was a very novel idea to bring guns into European soccer, to arm players and test the goalie's courage and loyalty to the team. Ha ha ha. It's good to say a positive angle on that. The entire Greek league was suspended as a result.

It was Greek football. Just settle down to think about what the fuck it's doing with itself. A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A Well, first of all, my brother and I, my brother's show, and I have started a new podcast called the Condo Bowie Brothers Podcast. It airs every Thursday, not airs, I mean, you download it on, I really don't know how podcasting or never listen to one. But yeah, you can download it on Ear Wolf iTunes wherever you get your podcast,

the Condo Bowie Brothers Podcast. And it's a live podcast, we'll be doing live shows this Sunday, March 18th at Littlefield in Brooklyn and in Boston, two shows on Monday March 19th at improv Boston and then I'll be doing Stand Up comedy in Los Angeles on April 7th at the Wilshire Ebell Theater and as well as Lawrence Kansas on April 2nd and Chapel Hill North Carolina on April 3rd and 4th.

I'm particularly excited about that LA show. So yeah, all the information's available on harrykunabolu.com or more realistically, Google. And don't forget to come to my forthcoming Southern Heavens face shows starting in Melbourne on the 10th of April all details on the internet there will be live bugles on the 15th of April starring Alice Fraser and David O'Dockerty and the 22nd of April starring Tom Ballard and a DT Meetale the wonderful Indian comedian so see you all there Australia until next time goodbye bye Bye!