The Bugle - Bugle 4073 – Baby Jails

Episode Date: June 22, 2018

Andy and Alice discuss Melania's coat, baby jails and WORLD CUP.Plus, the Bugle welcomes a new special producer.With@HelloBuglers@Aliterative@ProducerChrisMore episodes and info on our website: http://thebuglepodcast.comWe are proud members of Radiotopia Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Dancelaguard fans, you will be thrilled to know a book is coming out if you fund it via Unbound. We are publishing the Dancelaguard Reader by Alice Fraser and Dancelaguard, a glorious insight into the world of Dancelaguard, self-published romance maven, and online bestseller. If you would like to find out how to support it, go to thebugelpodcast.com. If we get enough support, we will publish the book. That's a real thing that's going to happen. Thebugelpodcast.com to support the Danciler Guard Reader. A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A- Audio newspaper for a visual world. Hello, I'm Uglers and thank you for listening. Let's get that one in early this week. Bye! Sorry, that was perfect.

Hey, welcome, first but not too issue, 4,073 of the Bugle, the factually unbreakable podcast that has been jabbing sticks at the twitching corpse of Newshin's 2007. I am Andy Zoltzmann, the day facto fourth musketeer according to the French novelist Alexander Dumas himself. All the video was rightly fired before

the novel began to be written for being no good at sword fighting and wary of horses. I've never made the book let alone the cartoon dog version on the TV another opportunity mix. I am here in London and joining me today, well the third millennium has been officially declared the International Millennium of Women. Interesting follow up to the last few millenniums, which were both officially and unofficially the International Millennium of Men, the International Millennium of Manionist, the International Millennium of Patriarchies, and the International Millennium of the Willie. I can't remember which order they could. Jordan A.K. You know, this millennium, the International Millennium of Women, a momentous occasion for our species, and to mark this, I'm joined by the Beagle's official correspondent from

the Female Hemisphere. Alice Reiser! Hello from Flatlands! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Welcome. How are you? I'm very well Andy. I'm very happy and well and it all seems to be going absolutely well. I haven't read the news. That is clearly as we've probably discussed in this programme before the absolute only path to happiness in the modern world. It really is. Yeah. I've been similarly incubated from reality this week by in my secondary job as a cricket

statistician on the radio. It's primary in your heart. It absolutely. It's primary in my diary at the moment as well. And so I've been doing radio for the BBC and saw England set the world record highest score in a men's one day international cricket match against the once mighty but now fallen Australia. And I think I can see tears welling up in your arms. I tuned out about 30 seconds ago but I just kept the expression of interest on my face

at a self defence. I can all the Australians I get in the show don't give a shit about this. It's sometimes good and sometimes annoying. I like playing it Andy. I like playing the game. New set as a gateway into the real stuff of watching it and thinking about numbers. Also joining us today alongside Chris in the Tech Truck.

We have a massive Tech Truck. It's alongside mine and Alice's trailers behind the security fencing and a moke. We have a guest producer this week. It's guest producer, Mark. Hello, Mark. Hello, Andy. Hello. Hello, Alice. Hello. Mark, bid to be guest producer in the fundraising,

the radio-topia fundraising drive. Last year, welcome to, he's keeping Chris on the tight leash through the window that I can see. It'll look of terror and Chris. I don't know what's going on right now and I'm really really nervous. I haven't seen that look of fear in his eyes since he did the shock dryathlon. To be fair, the sharks only have an advantage in one leg of the try and help. Often by that they've built up an insurmountable leap.

On this day in 1633, the 22nd of June, the Holy Office in Rome forced Galileo Galilei to recant his view that the sun was the centre of the universe rather than the earth. Turns out they were both wrong. It's actually somewhere else entirely. It's over there. Somewhere, Mark's work. But was Galileo right that the earth actually revolves around the sun rather than the other way around? I guess we'll never know in this post-factual age, but a fair play to double G for raising the question. Personally, I don't give a shit.

What is in it for me? Is it going to save me money? Well, they can both revolve the fuck around it. Who the fuck they like? Sorry, I'm a product of my political times. On this day in 1969, the Kuyahoga River in Ohio caught fire, Alice. River caught fire in America. Ah, yeah.

That brings to mind the quote of a phoenix, Queenslander nearby, some fracking where he lit his tap on fire and went, oh yeah, it's not supposed to do that. Well, America realised that water wasn't really supposed to do that. It drew attention to the problem of water pollution. And was a major factor in the kicking off of the environmental movement. In America, of course, we now know that the burning river was a hoax perpetrated by a combination of the Chinese government and the renewable energy industry. But, you know, at the time, it seemed authentic. Um, 1986 on this day, the famous hand of Godgol was scored by Diego Maradona in the quarterfinal of the 1986 FIFA World Cup to England and Argentina. And just a minute later, scored the greatest goal in the world for f***ing cheat.

It's like, it also means that it's exactly 32 years since an 11-year-old boy in Tumberidge Wells learn the true meaning of injustice. Tomorrow, the 23rd of June, is a second anniversary of the day Britain voted in the Brexit referendum. And if you don't want to know the final result of that referendum, please look away now and put your fingers in your ears for the next 100 years. And remember, in the meantime, just believe. And if that doesn't make you feel better, believe harder and less Spanishly.

For overseas buglers, if you wish to negotiate a trade deal with Brexbrutania, please send your initial negotiating position into HelloBuglers at the Bugle podcast and mark your email if I know. So tomorrow... I mean, you say that as a joke, Andy, but there were bugle socks in North Korea, so... I just never know. On the 24th of June 1374, so on Sunday, let's do some maths here. 642 years, now 44 years ago, roughly.

A sudden outbreak of dancing mania caused people in the streets of ah man in Germany to hallucinate, begin to jump and twitch uncontrollably and dance until they collapsed from exhaustion. Ah, that's the fact on which that documentary with Kevin Bacon is based, right? Right, I'll take your word for that. Which one is that? Is this the breadkin? No, it's the one where he got no it's not got nothing to be with red. But loose, how do we go? Sorry, I'm slightly out of the loop on my 80s films. I was too busy crying about the World Cup quarterfine in the 1986. But at the end of all that, Ludwig and Helga will vote it off. On this day 1916, Mary Pickford became the first female film star to sign a million dollar contract. Huge day in the history of film 102 years ago on Sunday. We have exclusive footage from the press conference which the silent movie star bitford held after signing her deal.

Mary, Mike's back, Daily Star. What have we got to say about suggestions that male stars including your future husband Douglas Fairbanks are pike much more than you are? Mary, you certainly looked a bit cross there, but do you think that within a decade or two we will see a quality between the genders in the movie world? Well Mary that was certainly a look of sad resignation but how do you think you will cope with the pressures of becoming the first million dollar actress? Mary it's very interesting that you should have held up a black board with white lettering painted on it saying oh, but is there any facial expression ideally combined with some kind of hand gesture that you could do if you were many fans and you look up to you as a roll model?

Mary, Mary, can you look margolix? I could pour it in a suddenly erotic wife! As always a second of the bugle is going straight in the bin. This week slightly light, the bugle solstice special, including a free audio hinge. We've had stone hinges, wood hinges, paper hinges and scissors, I think as well. And we add to your hinge collection now with the free Bugle Audio Hinge, print this show out in 18-point aerial font, let it on the ground on mid-summer night, and at dawn, the sun's rays will shine

in a direct line through every single vow. Also, this week a free lobster in association with the International Shelfist Association. Please collect from the seabed 500 meters below the surface of the coast of Newfoundland that you will cannot be held responsible for you or your lobster drowning each other. That section in the bin. Yeah, yesterday was the summer solstice. It goes so fast. Time flies when you're having sun. Boom! I think we can probably end this show right here. Please. Will the intro is all getting longer? Top story this week, as chosen by guest producer Mark Malania's cults perhaps the greatest moment in the history of

presidential, exorial fashion. Malania Trump wearing a coat with a slogan on the back saying, I really don't care, do, ah. Is it, ah, cool, how do you pronounce that? It's modern, a spilling of you, and. Is that progress? I mean this is this is this is huge I mean I don't generally wear slogans on my clothing I wear them sometimes on my face and they often say I love cricket particularly where I

hold a work yesterday work but this is possibly the most striking slogan on the back of a first ladies coat since Grace Coolidge wore a kneeling mackintosh with the words, let's say fair, the possible slide dig at her husband, her husband Calvin's, let's say fair politics. Maybe even since Francis Cleveland's notorious, are you a Grover Grover slogan on her duffel coat that was seen on the 1888 presidential campaign train, maybe even since Lucretia Garfield, don't her famous U dig me, Kogul in June 1881, possibly an apparent endorsement of a proposal to turn the state of Maine abbreviation ME into the center of US coal mining, possibly not, we just don't know. I mean you could even see it as the most notable coat phrase since Martha Washington's double-breasted bronze-wicked jacket in Blazenden Gold Larmay Thread with the words, amend these with arrows pointing directly

and let's not judge women by the time. Question is Alice, what did Melania Trump throw the most prominent hostage actually mean by those words. Oh I don't know if she can read. Andy. I mean, look I don't know anything about her. I think this is probably the most politically statementy coat since way way back many centuries ago not long after the Bible began. Yeah I mean it's hard to see, see beyond that. I mean, her spokeswoman said, it's a jacket.

There was no hidden message. No, because it was written in words. Yeah, I mean, it was very much not hidden. It was very much on a f***ing jacket on the wife of a president, and not just any president, but a president who likes to communicate primarily through short, badly spelled and poorly punctuated messages and a wife whose main method of communicating with the outside world has been through looks of panic in her eyes. So saying it's just the jacket in these circumstances is, you know, like similar to a news anchor saying it's just normal human skin, like a bit of someone's regulation face after unzipping his trousers and making his penis read the stock market news for us doing a funny voice.

Yeah, I don't know with Melania Trump, it's such a difficult thing because either she is a f***ing idiot. Let's not rule that out. And the terrible victim of some sort of awful stock home syndrome, which is... Let's not rule that out either. Or else she's just a really awful person, like those are your two options. Let's not rule any of those three options out.

I mean, she could be a bit of everything. There was no hidden message, as they said. That's, I mean, that's Daddy's fair. It was very much unhidden on her coat. I mean, the hidden message was the one scrawled in marker pen on the inside lining of the coat saying, for fuck's sake, please help me. on her coat. I mean the hidden message was the one scrawled in Marka Pennelly, inside lining of the coat saying, for fuck's sake, please help me.

But I mean, is it possible that she didn't know about it, that she was the victim of a ride by graffitiing by a spray can wielding cyclist? I mean, maybe she's being bullied Andy, maybe this is the kick me of international politics, maybe Kim Jong-un sneaked in and wrote it on her back. It's possible. I mean, what does it that she's not caring about currently? I mean, I really don't care. She was going to visit some child asylum grants in one of America's charming reception centres.

Baby prisons, I think they call them. Baby prisons. The must have accessory for any new parent wanting to move to America. Did she not care about them? Was it a core message of the need for more political apathy? That history has shown as one of those powerful forces and politics that if you can apathise a sufficient quantity of your electorate away from the polling station, it's so much easier to win. Was this the first gambit in the 2020 president, or even her own bid for the presidency in 2024?

Maybe it's a genuine question. Maybe it's a genuine question of a curious alien lifeform trying to figure out what human emotions are. I want to ask a question she's been wrestling with for many years. She's dated from Star Trek. Please explain your human emotions. Her husband, Donald, claimed that this was, or after Melania's spoken from, said there was no message. Her husband, Don, stepped up to the plate, said there was no message. A husband, Don stepped up to the plate, said there was a message. She was referring to the fake news media, which according to Donald, the acting president, sorry, the actum president of the US, either is about right.

Malania has learned how dishonest they are and she truly no longer cares. I mean, it's a heart-rending, heart-rending, if you no longer care about fake news, what is that leave humanity? Off Twitter. Got that might be a step forward. Now I am absolutely not up to the minute with the latest developments in fashion. Alice, fashion and I made a not particularly amicable agreement in your separate ways. Several decades ago now around about the time that I stopped wearing nappies, which

were very trendy at the time for people in my age bracket in demographic. When I don't really fully understand a t-shirt slogan, or that I suppose it saves you having to say your five word philosophies of life out loud to every single part of the bow and the street, which I guess could get wearing. But when you're a major public figure and you feel the need to use the back of your fucking jacket to communicate, questions will rightly be asked. In Baby Jails News now, Trump has declared his intention to end the inhumane separation of immigrant families, a policy that ended up in mass outcry after the creation of what are being called tend age facilities, aka baby jails. I love babies, they are adorable, it's their only survival mechanism is being so adorable you can't put them in the bin. But that is why this policy is so

inexplicable, how detached do you have to be from reality to think baby jail is a good idea? Babies need hugs and love and someone to puke on. They don't need tiny prison tattoos. I'm gonna buck it to puke it. This is a bizarre story and Trump has, well he's ridden to the rescue of his own dark-fetted soul by rowing back on his own policy. I'm not sure that gets in many credit points, be honest. Behind us also Mike Pence, Manavir yet again from the influential magazine The Christian Hippocrate. Jeff Sessions ought to give him his actual

full name, Jefferson Beauregard Sessions III. And the Jefferson and Beauregard, those two names have passed down through two generations of the Sessions family, both Confederate War heroes. So they've started with that through several generations of the Sessions, but anyway, let's not judge him on his family names. He's even been criticized by members of his own church for using the Bible to justify Cajing children. He quoted Romans 13. Romans 13, of course, sounds to me like a disappointing effort in a game of Empire v Empire Snooker when the Romans ran out of position after putting red, black and red had a run up to bolt to take the green, but then they're themselves poorly positioned for the next red, which although possible, left them with no angle to get on another color leading to an ill-advised long pot on a tricky pink and a break letting the Assyrians in with the red spread and an opportunity to

clinch the frame in one visit. Romans 13. I mean andy. Time to long train journeys. A political satire does not equal imaginary Snookie games. Why did you not tell me that 15 years ago? My career could have been so different. tell me that 15 years ago my career could have been so different. There was this bizarre policy to separate children from their parents which as a parent I know is not generally a good idea in terms of not ending up with screaming children and particularly if you then put those children in as you describe it a baby cage. I mean tears will flow there I mean there's no one likes a crying

trouble and not the cool little ones that you tattoo on your face like properties it suits you very well I like um he's sort of never never moving to end this state of affairs that he directly brought about himself while demanding congratulations and blaming all the bad stuff on the Democrats. We have always been at war with Oceania. Like, I used to think you watched the news to find out what was going on in the world, but now I watch it to find out what side I meant to be on

of an argument I didn't know existed yesterday, but is now fundamental to my self-conception and moral status that I need to argue for on Twitter while I'm on the bus today. So it's been replaced with this new vaguely worded executive order to slam up families together, or maybe they're going to sew them together into end. We don't know at this early stage, or maybe strat them together and catapult them back to Latin America or whatever they come from. More than 2,000 children were separated from their parents as a result of the so-called zero tolerance policy, zero tolerance for immigration and basic human dignity and simple manners, really. And I mean, it looks bad

for now, but let's try and find the positives in this Alice. I think of the joyous emotions when just a few of those 2000 plus children are reunited with their parents. Surely those inspiring heartlifting moments are worth the slightly gilly-addish awkwardness of seeing screaming children locked in cages. Sure We'll get back to you get that one. This is looking on the bright side in the way that you refuse to put a piece of paper in front of your eyes when you're looking at the sun during an eclipse.

It also helps us appreciate our own lives and our own offsprungs more because as I say freedom is never truly appreciated until it has been taken from someone else's child and shown on telly in a cage. And of course. Yeah, I heard that one as freedom is never truly appreciated until it's shot on by c*****. That's my favorite male fragrance as well.

Shadong. Gunt. I'm a German fragrance here. What do you cause when he makes fragrances? Perfumeier? Good point. I'm going to say something very unacceptable then. The right to put babies in baby prisons, what's the name called? Baby Jails. Tenderage, care facilities.

Tenderage, care facilities. Was in trying in the US Constitution in the little known amendment 4.5 B sub-close to the right to lock children in a cage, point at them jabbing with a stick and chant where's your mummy gone, where's your mummy gone? Yeah, if it's right for America in the 1790s. Maybe this is just Trump trying to facilitate the reintroduction of the very popular 90s phrase, who's your daddy? Which is never more arousing than when it's being screamed at you by a soldier. Oh, don't you worry about that. And maybe he's gone back on his policy and we know how he worked.

Maybe he's realised that it is increasingly in the modern world hard to monetise crying children and engaging people. Human taste for circus in the time we circus entertainment have shifted over the years. The problem politically, I guess, Alice, is that ripping children away from their parents and putting them in cages might be fun, but it has a tendency to produce what media wants, might describe as bad visuals. And we saw this when Trump explained why he was going back on it. He said, I didn't like the site or the feeling of families being separated. So the idea of families being separated was evidently fine. And, but it took the actual site of crying children to make him realize that maybe families might not like it, it might upset them and... Evidently. And more importantly, it might upset him to see it. It might upset him and his supporter base. More than half of Trump's supporter base

were opposed to this policy. And that's quite an impressive act of political gymnastics for him to alienate his own supporter base. Evidently, it was a bit too much of an imaginative leap for Trump to imagine that this might be upsetting. I had to actually see it and feel it. I mean, he's to empathy what Julius Caesar was to 1980s hip hop, not even aware of his existence, or that would be very interesting to see what happened if he gave it a go. And to be fair to Trump as well, from his own personal background, he had no way of knowing that people might actually like their own families.

Even love them, rather than viewing them as just expediently. He probably thought he was doing them a favour. God wanted to get rid of all of my families. Space Force News Now. The United States Space Force is a proposed six-brunch of the United States Armed Forces intended to have control of a military operations in outer space. And that is on the table, a Trump initiative, and it confirms my idea that America has lost sight of the difference between what makes good television and what makes a good world.

Is there a difference? Is there really a difference? Oh man, let's do a crossover with North Korea. It would be great. Like Goths in Far North Queensland who think they can pull off ankle length black coats and a knife collection because Neo wore them in the matrix for getting that Neo isn't real, the matrix isn't real and it's too hard to do anything that looks cool in Queensland. There's nothing that's cool there.

I don't think this is a great idea, just because Harry Dresden, Wizard Detective, can pull it off, doesn't mean you can. I mean, the man has arcane knowledge and a heart of gold. Why the white council can't get on board with that is beyond me. You've completely lost me, Alex. Well, this is a fascinating idea that a country which is consistently talking about how they've been overstretched and that they shouldn't be the policeman of the world have decided that they now want to be the policeman of our dispassion.

Well, it's only a matter of time before Trump starts complaining about the aliens not putting in their fair share of money into the American space force. And it's been called by PBS NewsHour. It has been called Premature, but Inevitable. LAUGHTER LAUGHTER LAUGHTER LAUGHTER LAUGHTER LAUGHTER

In extremely ominous news now, the United States has said... The Spacily Everything in this now could have come under that. LAUGHTER The United States is set to withdraw from the United Nations Human Rights Council calling it anti-Israel. You know Israel. You know where of it. Country instituted after World War II and a Peaceful Land Secretary of State, three religions. It's a social experiment in how quickly an oppressed group can lose the moral high ground. Right. The point is that they are withdrawing from the UN and it is a nice thing to know how long

the lessons of two world wars last. Right? The trade-off, if you want to know the maths, is about 60 to 100 million lives for people to realise that frustrating administrative bureaucracy is better than going with your gut on nation-state policy. Yeah, but it's best to be sure of that, isn't it? You have to do the experiment properly. And if it had been only 50 million lives, then how would we have known for sure? Well, these are the problems. We don't know exactly how many lives it sort of depends on

if you factor in deaths by diseases and feminins caused by the war and how much you deny the Holocaust. Oh, right. You know, you've got your, what do you mean six million Jews? It was only four million tops, and then you've also got your, you've also got the ovens were only for pizzas. Like, it depends on where you fall on that spectrum as to how many lives you think were lost, but it sort of figures out to about the lifetime of a human being before everything goes to shit again. Right. Well, I mean, that is really, I mean, you say ominous news, I mean, ominous, massively depressing. I'm sure there's many other human rights councils America will be only too happy to join, maybe the North

Korean and human rights council. I can have a. I mean, the point is I'm sure there might be some good reasons to withdraw from the UN. But when you take in timing context and recent play dates, it does look a lot like telegraphing some sort of gestural intention towards perpetrating or condoning unacceptable human rights abuses,

just sort of, kind of, whiff, t***. Yeah, I guess particularly when, at the same time, you're putting babies and baby jets. Yeah, when you combine the two factors it does smell a little fascist-y. Yes, well isn't it lucky I spent most of the last two weeks watching Cricket Instead? World Cup news and well the World Cup is fully underway, an absolute festival of cheating, time wasting, tactical negativity, annoying fails, complaining, looking at replays, complaining about replays, complaining about people looking at replays, saying the word nil and more time wasting.

A beautiful game. Humanity's favorite pastime. The big story, Alice, of course, is the England for the first time in living memory were not toklarn utter shit in World Cup match. They even won their opening match, two won. Take that Tunisia, you post-Carthaginian has-beings, Hannibal couldn't hack it at the top level. And even if you are still apparently using his elephants and your central defence, you've copped another defeat to a mighty European power. Are we still European? Who gives a shit? Despite all the advantages Tunisian football has over the English game in terms of proximity to large deserts, location on an equate of spanning continent, a smaller play a pool to choose from thus making it easier to work out the ones who are good in the

one to a shit, and not being hamstrung by the general sense of the declining global socio-political power and influence of predominantly white European countries which are surely way heavy on the England boys. We overcame the odds to heroically as a nation collectively not in a chance to win or at the back post in injury time to make everyone forget about everything. This proof Brexit is working. Absolutely work. A first step towards a better world for this plucky nation. In World Cup commentary news, Simon Kelner has published an opinion piece entitled Female World Cup Pundits Are a Step Forward for Diversity, but not for the quality of

coverage in which he says, my only question and I pose it nervously, is why did our major TV channels feel the need to have a female presence on their World Cup panels? Eh, he goes on to say the fact is that the World Cup is competed for exclusively by men, which is how it should be. That second bit is a bit, I added that. Eh, it's not to say that only men have a right to comment on professional football, but my

intuition is that TV bosses sought to have women on the panel for reasons of appearance rather than to satisfy a latent man to hear their opinions, and isn't that tokenism in and of itself? I mean, I have better arguments against this position, Andy, but it's so incredibly weaselian annoying that I can't martial any of them. No, it's not just taking it. Your face is tokenism Simon, shove it in your smug hole, you flats racist.

Right, I mean I've got, I have some sympathy in the sense that as someone who occasionally watches football on television, what I want from Pandits is complacent, unresearched views based on playing experience, unencumbered by having actually watched the game in any detail. And what the female Pandits have tended to bring is research and analysis and an attempt to provide genuine insight for the viewer. And that is infatically not what sports pandas are supposed to be. I mean, this is, this is the problem, Andy,

in order to get a position in a male dominated area, you have to be kind of better than your equals at your level. Which means that equality, what equality will look like, Andy, is women being shit. Like the more shit women are in positions of power, the more we know it's working. Right. I don't know. I think the underlying argument of his argument is women don't like balls, even the ones

that say they like balls are only pretending, which does check out. In other sports news, Boris Becker, the former Wimbledon champion, has been involved in a rather bizarre story. He's claimed that he has diplomatic immunity from bankruptcy proceedings because he's the official sporting attachates of the Central African Republic. I mean, that is not a sentence. I mean, I remember watching Becker win-win-win at the Prodigy Stage of 17 with a remarkable display of athletic tennis that catapulted the entire sport into a new age in terms of the way it was played, thinking a bit at some point he's going to become a sporting

attachator, the Central African Republic. And I can imagine that as a nation, the Central African Republic will starved of top level success in the elite echelons of international sport, would have been thinking to themselves or what they really needed, was a three-ton Wimbledon champion to turn around their fortunes by being an attachator. And of course, in the Central African Republic kids speak of little else. Apart from the evolution of men's grot, grot, grot, grot, to the 1980s from the game of touch to a game of power,

the class of stars exemplified, of course, as any child on the streets of Bangu, he will tell you by the back-to-back trilogy of Boris Beckovic, Stefan Edberg finals. Who is Edberg sporting attachate for? That's what I want to know. Please. Yeah, I'm going to be playing, you know, the beautiful Sir Volley game, with a lack of personal charisma. I just cannot hear the phrase diplomatic community without thinking of lethal weapons to. Diplomatic army. It's just been revoked you to some kind of football.

It's just been revoked you to some kind of football. LAUGHTER Your correspondence now, and we've had more physical correspondence. Another postcard has arrived. This is the future of communication. Stop writing to my place of work. Keep freaking my colleagues out. Keep writing to the other world. Oh, I tell you what, you haven't done for our guest producer, Mark. Um, Q Mark.

Yeah, here we go. Oh, you. It's a whole reason I did it. There you go. Um, we had a postcard from Jay Benjamin Berry in Texas for the World Cup Golden Boots Spur Matters Hour contest. We'll announce the full results in a few weeks ago. Bombard Chris with More Postcards.

LAUGHTER This email came in from Martin, a long time listener, first time emailer, Hello Andy and Deleteers Appropriate S***, Stroke Alice, Stroke, I can delete the rest. And you can retrospectively bleep out the s***. LAUGHTER I always try. I recently saw an article saying that WWE will hold You can retrospectively bleep out the f***. LAUGHTER I always try.

I recently saw an article saying that WWE will hold the first Super Showdown on Saturday, October 6th, at the Melbourne Cricket Ground, and coincidentally, the day before the Bugle Live show at the Lowry Theatre in Sulford. Do come along. Do you think that wrestling events should be held in cricket grounds, or is this just the crossover event the sporting world has been waiting for? Rest low cricket. I mean, the game is trying all manner of innovations to popularise itself, even though it's already massively popular in large parts of the world.

And I mean, the English Cricking authorities have taken the 2024 map, which has proved ludicrously, almost destructively popular and thought, oh, let's see if we can f*** that up. I mean, maybe this is their effort to restore the prestige of the five-day game, Alex. I mean, clearly this is running heavily on you. Full contact, no holds bad. Weapons included death death match, thunder dome cricket. Right. I'm all for it. You have the full, full attention of the England World

cricket board. Just a full face mask, a Lycra body suit and a box. Right. That's what I mean. People just not smashing each other in the whatever's with. Yep, 12, 12-min into a one-man leaves, that kind of thing. Dear Andy, this comes from J.F. Velasco in Atlanta, Georgia. As you're probably brackets, only Mexican listener, and after the historic win by LTRI, against the German squad, I saw not only a request a Mexican pun run to celebrate the victory of my proud nation over the current world champions and what happened with the World Cup bugle merch you guys are leaving a lot of money on the table. Well, I mean, we were in talks with FIFA to become the official merch providers for the world. I decided to go with someone who actually ever makes merch. Someday Mexican, Mexican, a Mexican pun run.

Right, I mean, I'll have to return to this at a, at a, at a, at a future time, but there's got to be something you do with Quadalajara, hasn't it? For heater. Come on, what else is Mexican? Angelara. Corona. La Rida. I mean, brainstorming Mexican things

will just make you sad, right? So, bravo. So bravo. Well, as Donald Trump has proved over the last couple of years, we'll return to Mexican puns at some point. Do keep your emails coming in to HelloBugles at theBuglePodcast.com. There are some bugle live shows imminent in Britain,

the 10th of July at the Underbelly in London, the 15th and 22nd of August in Edinburgh, and more later in the year, go to thebugelpodcast.com and click on the live link. You can see me doing satirist for hire, the Soho Theatre in London, from the 18th to the 21st of July. There's also a World Cup satirist for hire special on the 5th of July at the underbelly. And Alice, you are doing your trilogy show here in London.

Yes, I am. On the 1st of July at the Lester Square Theatre, three hours of comedy. If you wanna come and see it, it's at 5 p.m. First of July in London, if you're in Sydney, come and see a rational fear at Giant Wharf on the 29th of June. If you are asking how I'm getting from Sydney in the 29th of June to London on the first of July,

ready to perform three hours of comedy, I say, you don't judge my incredibly disorganized life choices listen to TV with Alice listen to troll play make sure you look at after your friends and make sure they get home safely at night and you can also see both me and Alice in Edinburgh are be doing there from the 16th of the 27th of august you're doing the whole festival doing the whole festival from the from the beginning to the end to the beginning to the end, to the beginning of the end of August. All details on the internet and various other stars of the bugle will also be there. And if I'm doing a full run, miss, miss, miss is doing a new material. A work in progress like the lazy f**k years. And yes, I'll be there with the right questions.

Wrong answers, updated from the Melbourne run this year. Thank you very much for listening, Bueglers. And thanks also to our guest producer Mark, who has run a tight ship through the multiple double glazing issues. I'm gone. Chris is now fully obsolete. Thank you, Mark.

Thank you, Alice. Thanks, Alice. As always, we will be back next week. Goodbye! you