The Bugle - Bugle 4074 – Naked Hermit News

Episode Date: June 29, 2018

Andy and Nish are joined by newcomer James Nokise who reports on everything happening in the Pacific. Plus, naked Japanese island man news and World Cup – with some exclusive match commentary from Germany.With@HelloBuglers@MrNishKumar@JamesNokise@ProducerChrisMore episodes and info on our website: http://thebuglepodcast.comWe are proud members of Radiotopia Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Dancelaguard fans, you will be thrilled to know a book is coming out if you fund it via Unbound. We are publishing the Dancelaguard Reader by Alice Fraser and Dancelaguard, a glorious insight into the world of Dancelaguard, self-published romance maven, and online bestseller. If you would like to find out how to support it, go to thebugelpodcast.com. If we get enough support, we will publish the book. That's a real thing that's going to happen. Thebugelpodcast.com to a real thing that's going to happen. TheBugle podcast.com to support the Danciler Guard Reader. The Bugle, audio newspaper for a visual world. Hello viewers and welcome to issue 4,074 of the beautiful audio newspaper for a visual world with me and his ultimate.

You know I will ask you to use my visual world to make sure you have a special subject, I will be imagining it and I will confirm that the purpose of the challenge is a lot of the growth and confusion. Unlike the Rottenhoff, I'm not dead, Which is one of the many reasons I'm posting this podcast. Another is that not people can't tell me. And the other is just posting. That's the fourth one, that's the first one. There you are. I'm here in London, the city where barely a day goes by these days

without someone saying something about something or other. And two people who are gonna say things about things, join me today. Welcome back to the Bugle II, Nish Kumar. Hello Nish. Hello Andy. Hello Bugleers. But your people Andy? Well, your people, can I just remind you of what just happened to me that you before we started recording.

Andy's off to play cricket. And he said, and obviously after as well, he'll be popping off to the synagogue. Because he forgot that the Jewish Savoth is on Saturday. Why not start on Friday evening, yes? Does it start on Friday evening? Oh well, I'm not that far out, though. It's changing the rules.

I suit your purpose as well. How are you? I'm very well, thanks. Very well. I've been watching a lot of cricket. I'm surprised. Which is good. And also, Johnny, it's for the first time.

It's a delight to welcome James Nikita. Hello, James. It's great to have you on the bugle. Our first representative on the bugle from New Zealand and the Pacific Ocean, essentially. Yes, a small part of the world, very tiny area. New Zealand, and Pacific is actually our official title. I mean, you are the rep, so you're from,

were you born in Samoa or born in New Zealand? Born in New Zealand. Right, but from Samoa. And you always tell me from the pronouncing Samoa. Samoan. Samoan. There we go.

Although American Samoan will tell you, oh, we're from American Samoa. And then you go, oh, yeah, Fat Samoan, what do you speak Samoan? And he'll be like, yeah, Fat Samoan. And he'll be like, what are you doing, man? So you are the official now, the official bugle representative for all about 46% of the world's surface area.

Oh, excellent. Oh, hello, beautiful. So I face a bunch of questions. I know all about all the Pacific. We are recording on Friday, the 29th of June, 2018. Make it exactly 11 years to the day since the launch of the very first iPhone. Pressaging the return of hieroglyphics to human communication. It's amazing to think that just 11 years, or in lay rather than simply cartoon faces. And on this day, 190 years ago, 1828, the teenage Charles Dickens wrote his first and, as yet unpublished novel, I Hate Darren, or Why Brenda Is A Bitch. And zero years since

this day in 2018, when England's footballers were just 16 days away from beating Brazil 6-0 in the World Cup final. That may be the biggest piece of bullshit you've ever said of this kind of thing, and that is a big, big claim. As always, the section of the bugle is going straight in the bin. This week an F-O-Cult section. We look at the new ethical occult movement trying to bring some much-needed morality to the art of the occult.

We look at vegan harrispacy. Harrispx is traditionally relied on looking at the corpses and entrails of animals to tell the future, but contemporary values reject the exploitation of the animal kingdom for the purposes of looking ahead to what is to come and science suggests that we're just as likely to get an accurate prognostication of the future by looking at the corpses of vegetables instead. So we test out in our ethical section. A pair of the all-new vegan...

I really enjoy it when even you can't believe what's coming out of your fucking mouth. We test out a pair of all-new vegan haru spectacles from Veggie Corp to look into the future, by examining the rotting flesh of a dead objing or splatting a tomato and a bench and interpreting the pattern of the seeds or punching a watermelon

and then all-geogesticating the future based on the trickle parts of the juice down your arm. We also review the latest range of vegan haru spices, the spice blends that you can put onto your smashed up aubergines and tomatoes to make them taste nice when you eat the future. And we review the Necromancy app. That's, well, SI, at Kilmason's log at the end. Of course, consensual communication with the spirits of the dead is all the way to these days, disturbing the afterlife, only of those who have consented while still alive to having their peace interfered with after they have transitioned to the other side.

According to polling, the majority of cells of the dead do not want to be bothered with queries from the realm of the living. And the Necromancy app pays you up with a willing communicorps who is only too happy to pass judgment wisdom and advice from beyond the grave. May result in your late auntie Dorin banging on about her after-author wasn't a man she thought he was when they married after the war. But rather rather than revealing eternal truth or predictions of the future, but better than enraging the ghosts of the peacefully past. That section in the bin. B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B- The Bird of Paradise, a Fockert Trimotor aeroplane, completed the first Trans-Pacific flight from mainland USA to Hawaii, so not entirely Trans-Pacific, but Trans-enough of the Pacific, so get an entry on Wikipedia. And two marks of occasion, we have an entire Pacific News section,

James. What, why don't you kick this off as the Beagle representative for the Pacific Ocean and Contents? Beagle Ambassador. He's a Beagle Ambassador for the... All right. Coconut leaf plates are on the table as Samor looks beyond single-use plastics. This is the banning of plastic bags by Samo to make it more environmentally friendly.

They're looking to host the Pacific Athletic Games and hoping to make it a green Pacific Games by getting rid of all plastic. I'm not sure they're really aware how much plastic is involved in the athletic tournaments. We've gone with plastic bags, we're going to replace them with coconut leaf plates plastic is involved in the athletic tournaments. We've gone with plastic bags first. We're gonna replace them with coconut leaf plates

or as we refer to when Sam or that thing we used to do. Um, before I, I'll back again, is it? No, thanks. Hey, you're outnumbered on this one. Pipe down colonizer. Kuma, that's Fiji in this. And this is all we've got. Vanuatu have also done this. A few countries are looking to ban plastics over there.

New Zealand's taking a different approach. They're charging for plastic bags. You can bring your own coconut leaf plate to the supermarket if you want. But you've still got to pay if you want to get the plastic bag because of the massive waste going on in the Pacific at the moment. Which is a good approach to Simon Wormprime Minister, who is, as we always say, a criminal and an assassin. I can say that when I'm in London. I can say that when I'm in London. How successful an assassin is it? Do you know that Sam Moore actually has more political assassinations than any other country? Right, is that per capita or just as a totalitarian?

Don't have to say a big thing per capita. Right, I mean, if it is by actual number, we're doing very well. What's the population? A population is about 175? 175,000. Yeah, if you have more political assassinations than Russia, then you are doing extremely well. I mean, a hell of a way to enforce that plastic bag band.

Yeah. But the idea is that someone, if you assassinate a political opponent by getting a distant relative from another village, take them out. Right. That's not how we enforce the plastic bag. But it's the main problem with the plastic bags is that they choke all of the marine wildlife

and the plants that the plants can't breathe, a lot of water-based plants there. And also it looks really ugly. So you cut down on the tourism. And the tourism, apart from marijuana, is the main economic part. Although they've just figured out that you can grow coffee in Samoa, so we could also have a cocaine bust coming up.

Well, congratulations, Summer. Very impressive. Sadly, Britain will not be following your lead as we are between series of blue planet. We cannot act on anything environmentally unless David Attenborough tells us, and so if it doesn't come up in the next series, I'm afraid the environment is shit out of luck. And I mean, David Attenborough is, I mean, with all due respect to the man, no longer a young man.

And well, but he's keeping it tight Andy. I mean, he's keeping it impressively. He's over 90, isn't he? Yeah, he's definitely over 90 He's in the nervous 90s. He's near it He's yeah, and that's Always a sort of tough people. Yeah, the one that went the century back in Do you give a bigger state funeral to him on the Queen?

No, I mean they must be looking at this joint thing, aren't they? Are you suggesting that David have to read the Queen or rid a suicide pact? Well they did just do the tree thing together, did a perfect cover. If England don't make the World Cup final, is that a bugle exclusive at it? England's World Cup prospects. I directly affect a suicide pact between David and have to rid the Queen. Is that what you and the results were to say? I can neither confirm nor deny that.

This is a mighty oak over here and if England't make the final let's both string ourselves out All right David But the point I mean basically we've got the rest of David Attenborough's lifespan to kill the environment Yeah, he's got that's off the table, isn't well unless we really accelerate our human cloning project Yeah, we may just have to permanently clone an Atombrer. Right. Just to keep it, because otherwise, if he doesn't tell us to do stuff,

we simply don't do it. It's a no-successor lined up, like a 60-year-old guy just in the wings waiting to take over. I genuinely can't think of anyone who people like in Britain as much as they like David Atombrer. Right. Honestly, the top of my head. The skipper generation go for a younger Atombrer.

Yeah, Atombrer. You probably just screw it up and have Jack Whitehall Adam Brick. Right. I honestly, the top of my head. The top of my head. The top of my head. The top of my head. The top of my head. The top of my head. The top of my head. The top of my head. The top of my head. The top of my head. The top of my head. The top of my head. The top of my head. The top of my head. The top of my head. The top of my head. The top of my head. The top of my head. The top of my head. The top of my head. The top of my head. The top of my head. The top of my head. The top of my head. The top of my head. The top of my head. The top of my head. The top of my head. The top of my head. The top of my head. The top of my head. The top of my head. The top of my head. The top of my head. The top of my head. The top of my head. The top of my head. The top of my head. The top of my head. The top of my head. The top of my head. The top of my head. The top of my head. The top of my head. The top of my head. The top of my head. The top of my head. The top of my head. The top of my head. The top of my head. The top of my head. The top of my head. The top of my head. The top of my head. The top of my head. The top of my head. The top of my head. The top of my head. The top of my head. The top of my head. The top of my head. The top of my head. The top of my head. The top of my head. The top of my head. The top of my head. The top of my head. The top of my head. The top of my head. The top of my head. The frowned upon now. I mean Nando's is bad to them. That's where I get most of my policy information from. So what have you gone out like meta ones or? No, I think now people are making the long journey from their face to the cup. Right. All right. I think that's like slurping it out of puddles on the floor. Just rolling up a 20 and trying to do something out. Okay, based on Nando's, no. But as I say, I have very little window into the UK other than what's happening in Nando's. The chief executive of the Summon Ministry of Natural Resources and Environment, Ulu Bismark Crawley.

Which is colonialism as a name. Oh, Ulu Bism, Crawley. Which is colonialism as a name. Oh, oh, Bismarck. Also, I really feel sorry for, I don't mind when people get places like London affix to them, but Crawley, yeah, like if you've been James, but it is a f***ing sh**hole. I grew up in Crawley, which is a sh**hole,

and we would always be like, well, at least we're not Crawley. He's done well under German funder. I mean, Bismarck. Bismarck is pretty good. He did a job, didn't he? Yeah, Bismarck, he's done it. He was there. Bismarck. I love you talking about Bismarck. That's very good. Bismarck is pretty good. Good job, didn't he? Yeah, Bismarck is really funny. He was there.

Bismarck. You talking about Bismarck? Like he's holding midfielder. I've been watching too much. To be fair to Bismarck, he did a job. He wasn't spectacular, but he was an important part of the 1867 German central midfielder. Crawley said that the issue is too large for us to sit by without taking any action.

Well, I mean, clearly not been watching and learning from us. No, take a leave out of your namespace. But sitting by and not taking action is the absolute best way to not deal with these problems. It's probably because Sam Orr wasn't colonized very much by Britain. It was mainly Germany and then New Zealand took over after. So they haven't actually had much and a way of British colonialism done on them. It's been a... The key we once very...

Sounds like an opportunity, waiting. Well, this... Pugs Brexit. We may be having to try and get our empire back. But maybe we will be. Add some more to the applications list. Here's a fact on plastics. In the 1950s, about two million tons of plastic were made a year.

And it's now 330 million tons. Good Lord. And that has become a billion tons a year by 2050. So those straws could make all the f***ing difference all all the difference I mean it's not time to you know to put a positive spin on this yeah all these straws in the ocean these essentially micro snorkels the lazy tortoiseise. That is a Shane Ward, the fire, and the proliferant level of spin that you've added to put on that. Can we just get all the straws in the dolphin blowhole? How many could be...

Can we not do it like a Superman IV maneuver and just round all the plastic and shoot it at the sun. This seems like a very... That seems like the sort of thing Elon Musk would come up with if he wasn't busy inventing stupid fucking flying throws that no one needs. No, I mean that's very much how I deal with the world's looming environmental catastrophe. It's just put on my let Elon Musk deal with it wristband. Just a white frim.

You say that's adding more plastic waste to the world. You say to flamethrower, but when you are in your Cadillac in space, something's coming towards you. I'm f***ing hate Elon Musk. I know that's not the point of what we're trying to say here. I'm f***ing hate him. He's what would have happened if Timely Stark hadn't been bombed in the desert.

It's just a jackass. BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BAB I never understood why in the film cast away Tom Hanks bothered with the loincloth Well I just thought he ball saw it I didn't realize Wilson was such a prude. I mean, I think you've got to go one of two ways you've either got to go Full making hermetry. Yes, this Japanese gentleman Massa Fumu Nagasaki aged 82 has done for the last 30 years or Full three-piece business suit and tie years or full three-piece business suit and tie. There's no middle ground for me. You have to let it all hang out or make yourself feel like you mean business. I'm never inviting you to a smart casual birthday party Andy. I have a terrible feeling it would be top half tux and tie-ups bottom off, tackle out. Or alternative, full suit of armour, just so when you're rescued from the

Netherlands, there will be a very awkward pause. Mr Nagasaki had lived for nearly 30 years on the remote island of Sotobanari, 230 kilometres east of Taiwan, but then fell ill and there's now been told that he cannot go back to his joyously naked Hermit's paradise, which is a bit of a shame, leave him out there. Also, I mean, I know he's not well, but I saw a photo of the guy. He's keeping it tight for a 82. I think I want to f*** the naked Hermit. Well, I can naked Hermit.

I was like, it a just not a sentence. Really anyone wanted this. These are the times we live in. He makes Amber a look and like an absolute archive. Wait, does that mean before you sort of naked hermit, you were considering fucking David Attenborough? It's not my to do list. This show was taken.

Turnable was not intended any of the tickets. I would be like, why not let them go back? Because if you work on a day, like, for years, people are like, oh, paradise. Oh, when you die, you go to heaven. Surely heaven is a small tropical Pacific island where you walk around naked. Let them go out. Also, he's repeatedly said that he wants to die alone on the island, like he's found to kind of pee, so I don't understand why they're sort of, why must they interfere with that desire. And also, he's a very good kind of human, yeah, kind of test tube experiment for Brexit, which is essentially the one man he wants to die alone on an island. Very much like the British. With his dick out.

I think, I think of you guys in Britain and all got your dicks out and just didn't put clothes on. The Brexit would come a lot quicker. It would be easier for you. Maybe that's the deal. We just said Boris Johnson over there. We go, me out of the, you guys know, and then Boris Johnson gets his cock and balls out

and they're like, we will give you Spain. Yeah. I think you would get about halfway down the visit before the some kind of But also I think the other thing that we've got a factor in because I was reading the story thinking why are they setting about the thing Is if you're 82 years old in this country people might say things like look? He's had a great life. Let him go out the way he chooses to. But obviously, this is Japan we're talking about. So 82 in Japan is basically English 40. So they're looking at this guy being like, mate, you've got your whole life ahead of you.

You're 82. You're a spring chicken. I like how he goes for a weekly shop. I don't know if you're aware. He's apparently spending some money and he checks on a suit and goes like that's gonna be the fact that cheating isn't it? How's it going mate? Still naked on your own? Yeah, I have some coconut water, thanks, non-ironically. That is the mother of all online shops.

Having to fly a drone over with some cabbages in a bag. Surely you go yourself. Sure, sure you go. Leave the drone. He said something quite moving. He said in civilization people treat me like an idiot and made me feel like one. On this island, I don't feel like that. Here I follow nature's rules. And that is wonderful poetic stuff.

And I think, but I mean, if everybody lived like that, it would be a terrible stay of affairs. If every time everyone was made to feel like an idiot, they just absconded from civilized ancient and sat on an island. That island would be full of naked idiots. I mean also we don't know what the fruit beds are thinking. They could be flying around and they go look at us idiot, I know. Put them clothes on your deck. Well we have an exclusive view competition. You could win a 30-year stint alone on an island

in the Pacific in the buff if you can answer the following question correctly, which medieval European king was renowned for his unilateral displays of nudity? Was it a Alfonso the Clothesless, b, Folloslav the Nude, c, Ivan the Wobbly, or d, Louis the unignorably tumestant? Pfft!

Ha-ha-ha! Pfft! Send your answers into hello, Google's at thebeaglepodcast.com. Unignorably Tumessent was your wrestling name, wasn't it? The incontrovertible bone. That was my rap name. Got that big dick. Prime Ministerial baby news now and Jacinda Arden, the Prime Minister of the All Blacks.

That's not a New Zealand. That's too much. Has had a baby. The second elected leader ever confirmed to have given birth whilst in office after a benign Zibuto, who popped one out in 1990 when Prime Minister of Pakistan. Rumors do persist at Margaret Thatcher gave birth to some form of alien life during a cabinet meeting in 1980, but she might just have got really crossed about the trade deficit.

The diaries of her political contemporaries somewhat split on the matter. Whilst American President Eulacee's S. Grant never had a baby, but Ivan Gula-Goncawley didn't have a baby, but despite winning Wimbledon in both 1971 and 1980, was never an elected leader, along with many other women who have also given birth. So there's a bit of background on it.

Now, it's quite an interesting story. On a number of levels. I mean it's been kind of hailed as a display of the modern tolerance and open nation that New Zealand is, but also she became embryonized. As a father of two, you are the most qualified to know that word. It's the only part of my body that functions. LAUGHTER Around, she became a pregnant, around the time that she was forming her coalition just after last year's election, which does rather suggest... Mmm.

James. That. Yes, that. I mean, it reveals a bit about New Zealand politics, that here she was thinking to herself, oh, it looks like I'm going to become Prime Minister of New Zealand. I really, really need something to fill my day. Well, actually, it's probably time that we came clean as a country, which the father, Clark Aferd is not actually the father. New Zealand is the father. All right. The collective energy of the election and pregnant our Prime Minister.

Right, it's democracy amazing. Yeah, and it's well you know New Zealand, we always like to be pushing the envelope on civil rights and all black maneuvers. But it's interesting because she actually was was being criticized for withholding the information from everyone But the coalition Person the current prime minister Winston Peters who is for our bugalers. You don't know New Zealand politics is a bottle of whiskey Came to life in the late 1970s So you get reelected for jokes and racial rhetoric

And so she's been criticized for letting him know that she was pregnant and therefore insinuating that he only made a call to she'm with her, knowing that he would become active prime minister when she went on parental leave. Because she's on parental leave for six weeks. Yeah, it's paid leave for our American listeners. Well, well, well, James, for American listeners, paid leave is when you're allowed

to be off work and you get money. You have to explain the concept of it. To be in democracy is when you are less. And her partner was not a husband, because a lot of people were being, oh, her husband, but no, they're not married. And that's freaking people out. Oh my god, yeah.

And he's on paid leave for a couple of weeks as well. And then he'll be a state-of-home dad. He used to run a fishing show called Catch of the Day. All of this is absolutely typical of New Zealand. I think I've been the really warming thing about the story as it's so on-brand. It's so on-brand for New Zealand. Oh, I'm a New Zealand.

I'm a Jacinda Maniac. I love it. It's because she is to my knowledge, the only world leader to have attended one of my stand-up comedy shows, as far as apart from that time with Kim Jong-un, but that was a corporate and it was a booking I'd rather not talk about and I can't talk about because of a pending case with the MI6. But apart from that, Jacinda Rada, when she was a Labor candidate, I believe, attended one of my comedy shows

at the New Zealand comedy festival. You turned her into prime ministerial material. You cannot prove otherwise. I am responsible for Jacinda Rada. People have noticed she's very funny, so maybe she was there. She's been inspired by me. I met her afterwards, she seemed like a very nice lady.

I did a gig many years ago that Jeremy Corbyn came to really It was a fundraising gig up in North London and he sat stony face for a mind-tire set and Question I did is he prime minister? He's not he's not prime minister Oh, he's accused of being anti-Semitic quite a lot though, isn't he? He is and this was that this was a Jewish charity. It's a thing. It's a thing, a college. It's very rare to have a democratic elected baby. Chosen, of course, on a minority vote

by the New Zealand electorate. The rest of the vote was split. Some wanted Jacinda to just get a puppy. And around 10% voted for her and clocked to wait a while, moved to a bigger house before they had their first child. But the democracy won out. The early indications, however, James, are that the baby is not as high quality as the recent unelected, monarchy-infused royal baby be birthed by her Royal Mumminous Princess Duchess Kate out of Wilson Kate, who

sprogged out on April for a third consecutive time in the Royal Focundry units in the Royal Britannica Wing at St. Hereditors Hospital London. Three consecutive certified princes or princesses for Kate. That means she qualifies for a new golden womb. She got the bonus. So they are still waiting in confirmation that Prince Louis is a does test positive for princesionhnus, that's expected to be a formality. But I mean the New Zealand power top may have the force of the public will behind it, but it's not allowed to wear a crown, which makes it a less good baby. Whilst Prince Louis' infant tears can cure anything from facial wrinkling to early onset republicanism. And the Royal Nippert, unlike regular human babies, pukes and shits only

when God intends it to whilst just in the garden who is sadly mortal is going to be cleaning John the Rhofer suits for the next eight months. I'm not sure she is mortal, I'll be honest, mate. I was touring New Zealand last year after the election after Edinburgh, before the election, and it was like following them and saying, I was going around, I was like in town halls and people go, oh, you know who was here last week? And I said, is that just Sunder? It was three of us in last week, man.

And all of us, I mean, people go, oh, yes, Sunder was here, yes, Sunder has come. Well, in the last, what the hell is going on? No matter, presumably, James. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've got a cell phone number, mate. It's S, Nizil. He's S, Nizil. Nizil, man. I'll, yeah, yeah, yeah. I've got a cell phone number, mate. It's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it'sline for the Orbex, in case you want to read it.

My ex-flatmate, my current comedian, Rose Matafaya, I was playing Fly-Off. Very talented. Very talented. Do you guys, have you ever heard of Rob Maldon? New Zealand Prime Minister during the Thatch years. Actually the early, early, late 70s through the early 80s. I thought that was Buck Shelford, wasn't it? No, no, he was at the late 70s through the early 80s. Oh, all right. I thought that was buck shellford Wasn't no, no, he was in the late 80s. He's the guy he got he got a

Testicle ripped out during a rugby game went to the side chucked in the jar kept on playing I'm Jen let me let me rephrase. That's the most New Zealand thing Yeah, we can quite chuck it in a jar. I didn't know what I mean. There's a nice touch. Yeah, but let's go with a chuck in in a jar He fed it to an actual kiwi bird. He planted it's a nice touch. Yeah. But let's go with a chucking in a gel. A chucking in a gel. He fed it to an actual kiwi bird. He planted it and a mighty toadura grew from... He's checking it now, you've fetched any of it, check it in a gel. But...

What are you Google exalts with? Is it the phrase did the New Zealand Prime Minister chuck his bollock at it? No, Rob, well, Rob, my twin wasn't that. Rob, no, doing, called a snap election and lost. But that's not the important part. The important part is he called it on national TV while drunk. And the New Zealand public went, oh yep, this seems legit. We'll go along with this. So when you say that a baby could become a

prime minister and be very good at it, there's a little bit of precedent. So the museum and public kind of going along the fast. To round off our Pacific section this week, here now are the official bugle Pacific Facts. The Pacific Ocean is full of water. It is renowned as being one of the wateriest places ever seen. It makes even a renowned sea such as the Mediterranean look like a puddle of an anonymously delivered piss under a chair in a nursing home. Many creatures live in the Pacific Ocean, although they don't always get on. In fact, an estimated 4.3 million

inter-species murders are committed in the Pacific every second. If you poured all the water in the Pacific Ocean into double-decker London buses and laid those double-decker buses end to end, you would have the longest wetest traffic jam in history, stretching approximately 6.35 quadrillion kilometers. If the bus at the back got annoyed and flashed its lights, the bus at the front would not see that light flashing for around about 672 years give or take. By which time, all the buses would have been ruined,

corroded by the salty Pacific water, with barely even a trace of the skeletal remains of the drivers and passengers. If you then took all the buses to a bus repair depot, which had a maximum capacity of 15 buses under repair at a time, and refurbished the ruined interiors, repainted the rusting bodywork and fitted the buses with new, more environmentally friendly engines, taking an estimated two months per batch of 15 buses. The heat death of the universe would interrupt your repair schedule, with over 99.8% of the bus is still f***ing bad. I think I got a bit confused. If you fitted a plug hole at the bottom of the Pacific Ocean and then pulled it out to let all the water drain out and to try

to find something you dropped in the sea somewhere near Hawaii or something, you'd still be waiting after a billion years. And that's assuming that the plug hole was unusually big to start with and didn't get clogged up with immediate hair hair tear aflame. In 1521, elite level exploration celeb ferdinand McGellin successfully sailed across the Pacific ocean, well done him, terrific effort from the lad, but he was disqualified from becoming the first man to circumnavigate the globe, many cops a bit of non-voluntary death in a skirmish in the Philippines. But even if McGellin had survived, he'd be dead by now anyway, so it doesn't fucking matter. How we go.

That's all the pacific facts we need. A lot of research went into that. I actually did quite a lot of the maths for that. That was a lot of confused. A lot of noughts flying around. Where do you have time to parent your children? I'm confused, there are a lot of noughts flying around. Where do you have time to parent your children? They're a research. That is, it's homework. Right, maths kids. I thought it was beautiful.

UK News now and the UK is running out of carbon dioxide. This is terrible news and we are the factories that produce the gas of running out and so I mean which doesn't sound necessarily like bad news but let me tell you this is how CNBC reported it. A shortfall of CO2 in Europe is an ill-timed crisis and that is not high-pervally Andy because we need CO2 for barbecues and to put the fizz in our beer. And if we cannot overcook meat in the summer and drink health and danger amounts of shit lager, then what are we as a nation?

This could not have come at a worst time. During the World Cup as well. What if England get to the final and ultimately lose on penalties? How will people get drunk and attack trams? That is not, that is genuinely something that happened in Croixen when England went out of the 2002 World Cup. People got drunk and fought a tram. And we have, we have had the goal to criticize New Zealand as not being a real country. I mean, it is a huge, a huge worry. And, well,

Bugle is, particularly British Bugle is if you're listening please do send in your spare carbon dioxide whilst listening to the bugle just fit to your mouth and nose and area with a special filter to siphon off all the CO2 and then take it down your local supermarket or pub for them to use on their beer. Breathe more and breathe faster. Do your bit and more importantly if you see any plant, kill it. And peace. Day facto prohibition sports in carbon dioxide thieves. Sit there expecting the world to move around then. And I'm quite happy to see beer star Brits lung and crumbled heaps outside bars and nightclubs muttering, how can I possibly converse without alcohol.

HUMMING Theresa May has also had a difficult week and you can just copy and paste that for all of the weeks in the last sort of 18 months with her. She said this morning that she wants to see the Brexit talks accelerate and intensify, which is a bit like someone standing in front of a bus and shouting at the bus to hurry the f*** up. Ah! Yes. I mean, we think of other things that have accelerated and intensified. Selmer and Louise's car. Ah!

Ah! The perfect, the perfect Brexit metaphor. And yesterday she was caught up in an unfortunate PR gaff because Charles Michelle, the Belgian Prime Minister, presented to Theresa May with a Belgian football team top ahead of yesterday evening's in Lund vs Belgium World Cup game, and then she held up the strip, and this is from the Guardian report,

before realizing that doing so, might be considered a PR gaff. She attempted to swiftly stash it away, only for fellow leaders gathered around her to point to the TV monitors showing her reaction life. And at this point, we have to ask the question, can she do anything? Is she capable or aware of anything

that is going on around her? I feel that there's a wonderful metaphor for Brexit though, because she held it up. Yeah. She realized what she was doing, she snatched it away, and then Europe laughed at her. Yeah. Or a better Brexit metaphor would have been for her to hold it up, realise it was a mistake, and then just keep on holding it out anyway, as Europe laughed at her.

Apparently she's not a huge football fan, she's more on this terrible news for all of us Andy, she's more of a cricket fan. She is a big cricket fan, yeah. I imagine how desperate things would be if she did not have the civilising influence of cricket in her life. Do you know this? She's expressed, you know her favourite batsman is? I do. Jeffrey Boycott. Of course, to read the most favourite batsman is Jeffrey Boycott. Now for our American listeners, who are not aware of the works of Jeffrey Boycott, with whom I

compensated on the radio for a day last year. He was a defensive baton. I think it's not going out on a limb to say that for our non-cricut fan listeners. He essentially played cricket as if trying to eradicate the entire concept of hope from the youth. But you know, we did an effective job for England for many years. That's probably going to be a knack-electic, really. Yeah. Yeah. And that's with a bass. We're translating it into American sporting terms.

He's the American football equivalent of a player who just spends the whole game sat on the ball. He's, well, for our American listeners, he's basically everything you hate about cricket. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Yes, yes. Imagine if LeBron James sat in the basket the entire game. It's that, it's that, for five days. BELL RINGS

BELL RINGS World Cup news now and well. It's coming up, it's coming up, it's coming! Well, I mean, we have seen one of the greatest, greatest days in English football history, the broke performance. The result now I could quite believe. I'm press-adventored in the living memory

of England's national game, Germany, Nils, South Korea, too. It's coming up! Germany was an amazing World Cup record. They've been semi-finalists in 12 of the last 16 World Cups. And this, you know, the last time Germany did not reach the last date of a World Cup. I do. Yeah, 1938. And they didn't take that well.

So let's hope times have changed. I like how we're all joking about that date. But what was I not really joking about now day. But we're all slightly concerned. England, meanwhile, just last night, roared to a brilliant 1.0 defeat by Belgium, leaving us to be only Columbia in the next round, and then Sweden or Switzerland. And not just an easier route to a glorious test,

than they in the first of between five and ten consecutive World Cup wins, but also cleverly avoiding matches against teams with which our tabloid press can dig up and trivialize and debase historic conflicts. We're going to have to really go something to find. Find much to kick, much to kick. I'm sure all this is about with Colombia. But before England's brilliant 1-0 defeat to Belgium, we'd hammered Panama 6-1. I mean, take that. Yes. Cannell Waddling, Ifner's hogging, had obsessive cigar-chomping bastards. You have that coming. You ocean-straddling losers payback for being the location of the ill-fated

Darian scheme in the 1690s that led to the near bankruptcy of Scotland, prompting the act of union in 1707 that formed the United Kingdom, which of course recently voted for Brexit. It's all your fault, Panama! Vengeance is a dish best served cold and unrelatedly. Now, go home and buy another vowel and thank you for the name of your capital city, your canal, or your hat that isn't just the same name as your country. Egalodigiludig, egalod. There has been a lot of talk about how a lot of the, no real team has stated, has kind of put down a kind of marker of a performance.

There are teams that have played well. But all I will say is, Russia are doing well. And that's where I'll leave it. Russia are doing well. The World Cup is in Russia. Russia are doing well. That's all I'm saying.

Russia are doing well. Right. Say no more. The World Cup is in Russia. That's all I'm saying. Russia are doing well. Say no more. The World Cup is in Russia and Russia are doing well. It's Nishkumar, Nishkumar Say no, because everyone's Nishkumar. Well, as discussed, Germany did suffer one of the biggest failures in their footballing history. Biggest failure in Russia. I guess a bit of a check of record, then that part of the world. Imagine they've been playing in Levengur. Once again we are very delighted to have access to the

commentary from our colleagues on Deutsche Television Schwarzschweinschweister who we partnered with in 2014, the German National TV, Shwanzweister, who we are. Sam, what's up? We've partnered with in 2014, the German national TV channel. Here are the closing moments, as described once again, by the commentary team of the former German international, Thorsten Von Schnautz, and Manfred Wittelsenitz.

Es ist still ja nüller, aber das, ist der Mannschaft, den feiern ich, wenn ich zu drei an von Deutschland gewinnen ich denn? Ja, Durstin, aber es ist welka, wir haben ihn sehr, sehr scheit. Ja, Mann, aber wir werden ein mit Seconds Lärft in der Märk, einen Sandkowin, davon von Deutscher, welka? Durstin, Sattgar, deutscher World Cup! Du hast den Saatkowir einen Tor. Was? Ist was ein Gold?

Was ein Wart? Ein Gold. Wart Deutsch? Für Sudkowir, Deutschland 0, Sudkowir 1, 1. Wart? Sie sudkowir eine Abendschicken Zibol, Internet, Backwundernet. 1, 1 Wut? Sieg Sudkoreane, Abensticken Zibol, Interdenk backwundenet.

1, 0 Scheit! Wut da heiliger F***! Wir mussten aufs Korren 2, also 3 Minuten Scheit! Du erffn, Falle der Scheit! Man will nur

not in sich erlachtung! Ach doch! Das Scheit, den F******st, nigg'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n Kale! Die is zicht! Ik ben geflammergastig! Fucken die zicht! We zijn best zicht in de firstbal van de Engländer! Zicht! Thanks to our German colleagues for... Jesus! Jesus God. Bit of revenge, Andy. I love my job.

Well, that brings us to the end of this week's Bugle, a couple of gigs to allow you to next week, Saturdays for a higher World World Cup Special at the Underbelly featuring me and Nish. And there's a live bugle on the 10th of July as well, also at the Underbelly and live bugles in Edinburgh, the 5th and 22nd of August, all other live bugle dates on the internet. James, you're going to be in Edinburgh? Yeah, I'll be in Edinburgh at the stands doing my show on sports and politics called talk a big game That sounds like I'm a show Yeah, right up Salis Mazzali. Nish. Yeah, I'm in Edinburgh 430 of the Monkey Barrel

Tickets are Surprisingly going quickly for that one. So do book for that my eye and then I'm touring in the UK Tickets are wildly available. Wildly available. If you know like 300 people who live in Darlington, yes, send them my life. Crawlily selling well? I'm actually not going back to Crawlily.

That's like some kind of horrific euphemism. Who had a baby? He's not going back to Crawlily. Thank you for listening, Budelas. Thanks James for a terrific Budal debut. Nice to see you again, Nish. And you haven't even been gloat-trotting since the last time you're usually had some story about... I've been in LA and New York.

Oh, right, okay, you're... I've been in America. I've got a warning from the New York Police Department, which maybe I'll talk about next time. I've never had a warning from the New York Police Department. I've had a warning from the New York Police Department which maybe I'll talk about next I will want him. I've never had a warning from the New York Police Department. I've had a warning from the New York Police Department. What's the possible difference? I've generally have one too. It's no different.

There's many ways we're quite similar. I don't think a lot of us ever had a warning for it. Anyway, people, thank you for listening. Until next time, goodbye. you