The Bugle - Bugle 4077 – Space Force

Episode Date: August 17, 2018

Andy is joined by Alice Fraser and Alex Edelman to explore the implications of Space Force, get the lowdown on who Trump has most recently fallen out with (this item may be out of date) and hear the latest global feminism news.Recorded live at the Edinburgh Fringe, yes Andy came on stage without a microphone, Chris's T Shirt had flamingoes on.With@HelloBuglers@Aliterative@AlexEdelman@ProducerChrisMore episodes and info on our website: http://thebuglepodcast.comWe are proud members of Radiotopia Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Dancelaguard fans, you will be thrilled to know a book is coming out if you fund it via Unbound. We are publishing the Dancelaguard Reader by Alice Fraser and Dancelaguard, a glorious insight into the world of Dancelaguard, self-published romance maven, and online bestseller. If you would like to find out how to support it, go to thebugelpodcast.com. If we get enough support, we will publish the book. That's a real thing that's going to happen. Thebugelpodcast.com to a real thing that's going to happen. TheBuglePodcast.com to support the Danciler Guard Reader. There it is, the ThaithyBizik.

And please welcome to the stage, Andy Salzburg! The Bugle, all the old youths, they both are a visual world. I mean, a microphone would help. 19 years in shoppers. Hello, viewers. That is the correct response. Welcome to the Beagle Live here in Edinburgh. This is doubling up as Beagle 4000 and 77. How are you all? I hope you're more specific than that when you got to see the doctor.

How you feeling? Oh, Welcome to this Live Bugle. We are here back where it all began Not the Bugle which of course didn't begin here all began, not the bugle which of course didn't begin here, began in the molten core of planet laughter. But we are back here where life on earth began according to scientists here in Scotland, because scientists now think that the origin of all existence actually occurred here in Scotland hundreds and hundreds of thousands of years ago when some inanimate Scottish

or atoms looked south saw that there was no life in England either and thought themselves will show those bastards. I'm allowed to say that because I do have Scottish heritage. In that distant ancestor of mine was executed in Scotland for stealing a sheep and the rest of my family fled south. So it's great to be back. It's great to be back. So no matter how bad my gigs here in Edinburgh go, I always know things have been worse.

So I am Andy Zoltzmann as you are probably aware, I am the Grand Duke of Garbage and I am fresh back this week from a family holiday in Spain. In fact I got back yesterday, began my time around today and in a space of three days during my family holiday in Spain with my wife and children, I managed to survive plummeting hundreds of meters down a mountain, being thrown from a speeding horse and being hurled from a boat and engulfed by a mighty Mae'r gwaith i'r gwaith i'r gwaith i'r gwaith i'r gwaith i'r gwaith i'r gwaith i'r gwaith i'r gwaith i'r gwaith i'r gwaith i'r gwaith i'r gwaith i'r gwaith i'r gwaith i'r gwaith i'r gwaith i'r gwaith i'r gwaith i'r gwaith i'r gwaith i'r gwaith i'r gwaith i'r gwaith i'r gwaith i'r gwaith i'r gwaith i'r gwaith i'r gwaith i'r gwaith i'r gwaith i'r gwaith i'r gwaith i'r gwaith i'r gwaith i'r gwaith i'r gwaith i'r gwaith i'r gwaith i'r gwaith i'r gwaith i'r gwaith i'r gwaith i'r gwaith i'r gwaith i'r gwaith i'r gwaith i'r gwaith i'r gwaith i'r gwaith i'r gwaith i'r gwaith i'r gwaith i'r gwaith i'r gwaith i'r gwaith i'r gwaith i'r gwaith i'r gwaith i'r gwaith i'r gwaith i'r gwaith i'r gwaith i'r gwaith i'r gwaith i'r gwaith i'r gwaith i'r gwaith i'r gwaith i'r gwaith i'r gwaith i'r gwaith i'r gwaith i'r gwaith on that. I was, I did plummet hundreds of meters down a mountain in that I went on a beginner's canyoning expedition with my wife and two children who were aged 11 and 9 during the course of which I managed to fall over and smash my head on a rock. Luckily I had a helmet on and also there was a bit where I had to repel down a, and at the bottom of the waterfall were my wife, who had successfully achieved this feat, and my two children who had also successfully achieved this feat.

And I watched by them with an increasing degree of scorn, pity and fear, and also watched by the next group of canyons getting increasingly bored by the fact that a 43 year old man was unable to do some very basic physical skills. Spend a good 15 minutes failing to repel even one meter down that waterfall before I had to be physically helped down by the canyoning instructor to the barely suppressed giggles of my darling spouse. I then for the first time in my life went horse riding and by horse riding what I mean is I sat on a horse swearing and mentally preparing a will as this horse moved at approximately one mile an hour through some not particularly dense Spanish undergrowth. And at the end of an hour on the horse, I got off, please, still to be alive. And the horse responded by urinating for a minute and a half.

LAUGHTER And the... LAUGHTER I went, white water canoeing. Again, very, very basic. Well, I managed to fall out of my kind of inflatable canoe and hit a rock that the instructor had said, make sure you go well to the side of the rock.

I hit the rock full on in the middle. I was then hit by another boat and dragged down the river, sustaining what can only be described as mild bruising. Um, to my body and deep, deep bruising to my price. But I would say that there is nothing wrong to my body and deep, deep bruising to my price. But I would say that there is nothing wrong with allowing your children to see the underneath the rugged, manly, heroic, paternal exterior that they're used to seeing,

that they inevitably see in their father lies a certifiable coward and profound incompetent. So it's great to be back here on on dry land and this we are recording on the 15th of August 2018. And that is of course as you scott's, who scott's here by the way? And he scott's here, as you would know, this is the anniversary of the same day in the year 1057 when the Scottish King Macbeth was killed at the bottle of lump an an sorry if I've pronounced that wrong by the forces of Malcolm something unpronounceable now I've got to say there was a real the real Macbeth character but there's little resemblance to the famous Shakespeare character, the historical figure probably historians think

did not win the throne of Scotland in a TV game show hosted by some witches. Nor was he a serial opponent murderer, nor, and in fact was by all accounts of which there are almost none, given that this was more than a thousand, or almost a thousand years ago. He was in fact a hard-working box-to-box professional king

who did a solid job for the Scots and moreover was actually quite happy if you called him McBeth to his face, although he actually prepared Big Mac, not quite the same connotations back then, MB1, that was pretty fond of that, Betty Snowball, not quite understands that, or simply Mac of the smacker. But historians have developed a Shakespeare simulator app to apply the same level of transformative Tudor propaganda filter on contemporary figures. Because I want to just make Beth go to the third, was heavily propaganded by Shakespeare. And I've run it on some contemporary political figures. In fact, I've got it on my computer here, so let's see if I can get this.

So I've got it going on on Nicholas Sturgeon here and the Shakespeare filter to dis... Well, turns Nicholas Sturgeon into a fire-breathing nation destroyer who wants to bring devastation to these islands by splattering a once-great nation into shards of a crimination and discord. Oh, sorry, I haven't switched it on yet. Oh, I'm sorry. No. That's...

...must... ...must stop reading the Daily Mail. Um... ...David Cameron, well, uh... ...he with a Shakespeare filter, um, he becomes a donkey with a bowel disorder who can't stop shitting on people's picnic rugs. Jeremy Corbyn becomes a rabbi who loves Christmas. Theresa May oddly becomes eerily like Phoebe from Friends and Donald Trump becomes a sweet old spinstak old Enid who runs an embroidery and wool shop in rural Canada. Also today is world

calligraphy day. Christopher, I'm not sure technically that counts as calligraphy. No, it's too good to miss, wasn't it? And this is the second one. Who here has perpetrated some calligraphy today? Yeah, well done. And to mark the occasion, we have a special piece of commemorative audio calligraphy. For you, here it goes. This is the beauty. I don't know if that logically works, but anyway I've drawn it.

Has it always a section of the bugle is going? Correct. Correct, it's going, wha? Yes! ...and then where? Landfill. Landfill. LAUGHTER Never gets recycled, this pointing.

This week, in the bin, a special commemorative cave art supplement. LAUGHTER You have had a fun day, haven't you, Chris? 5,000 a tray. Archaeologists studying cave, this is this revolutionary news across Europe, have revealed the results of decades of intensive study into the images of animals and humans found in caves where it stayed back tens of thousands of years and having examined the crudely drawn

outlines of horses, bison, oxies and other creatures as well as the handprints they found in human forms. Professor Pilion Graffard who led the investigation announced these pictures which give us a fascinating link into our distant prehistories of species are with all due respect f***ing shit. For the most part they're just the kind of half-fast scrolling most of us could do in our fucking sleep. Our theory therefore is that the caves where these artworks were found were most likely some form of preschool nursery or a kindergarten art club.

They all look like some three-year-olders drawn them. They're a few that are a little bit better but we think they're probably done by the teachers to sow the little barters what to do. It all makes sense to keep the kids safely deep in a cave whilst mummy and daddy go off to make flint into arrowheads or do some more research on which berries are and are not poisonous or do a bit of hinge work or fight off a triceratops, then pick them up at T-Term on the way home. So it's time now to meet our guests for today's bugle.

Are they both here yet? At least one of them is. Oh. They were both coming from doing their solo shows. And, uh, oh, yeah, that's, uh, go have, uh, two... Ow! F***!

Family show! It doesn't appear that they are both here. Or Alice has grown a new arm. First up, a woman who has been to more hemispheres this summer than you have had hot dinners in the last three to four hours probably, it's been a two, has anyone had more than two hot dinners? It's all the way from Australia, Alice Fraser! When she walks, she moves her mind like a flamingo, crimson, Hello, Andy. Hello, viewers.

Hello, Greek. How are you? And out of sight, when you were... My mic, would you say that they didn't have anyone to fly on for me after the show, so just take one and pass it on? LAUGHTER That's a very efficient way of doing it, to be honest. And then they don't have to look me in the eye and refuse to take him.

Oh man, I've just had a day and a day. Right. I had an audience review on the audience fringe page. You know how the ticket buying page has audience reviews section? I've avoided those. There was a lady who really hated the show, which is fine, but she was like very angry about all my Brexit jokes. Right.

I do not have any Brexit jokes. There's always a subtext, isn't there? Yeah. Yeah, like I've done four separate solo hours that are respectively about death, kindness, judgment, quantum physics, and a guy in a service station being a f***ing. No breaks at jokes. I'm not sure I should bring this up on the bugle, the podcast, with the most enthusiastically stupid audience participation based listenership on the planet, but there is an audience-review

section on the Edinburgh Bridgeway. So, I am... When you say they won't, that's not a... A guy in a service station being a... That's the theme of this year's show. Well, that is what Brexit was all about. That's... I voted for Brexit, so we would have more people

being c***** motorway service stations. This would mean that people get back on the road more quickly, boosting the economy by around $3.8 trillion a year Plus the guy driving that bus needed his Ginstas pie somewhere Ginstas, do you know this very interesting the etymology of Ginstas? No, do you know it? Oh God Who thinks it's Ginstas and who thinks it's Ginstas Ginstas who thinks it's Ginsters and who thinks it's Ginsters? Ginsters? Who thinks it's Ginsters?

Ginsters! See, let's just see. We cannot even agree on the name of a f***ing pasty. We are not going to agree on Brexit. Yeah, we are. I mean, that is to be honest, the level of debate that we have brain reduced through in this country. The etymology is quite interesting. Some people think it's named after Genevieve Sterilien, the French nurse, who invented the cheese slice

as a medical dressing in the Napoleonic Wars. Now, troops could use the rectangular slab of cholesterol as a battlefield dressing before as they lay on the ground waiting to be captured by the enemy or by the Reaper or by basic gangrene, then having a stomach-filling snack to see them into the next life with a full stomach. So it's named after her, Ginsteer. Or if you think it's Ginsteer, if you think it's Ginsteer, that's from the cheese pastry serving

all I aunt in France in the 15th century, around the time of the execution of Joan of Arc, the British officials presiding over Joan's trial on charges of wearing unlicensed headphones at an illegal volume and driving an arc at over four knots on a public lake. They were given a cheese pastry and the way they voted was either by eating the pastry unbaked to vote for a quittle in which case they were for her or by tossing their pastures into the nearby fire for a guilty verdict in which case they were for her or by tossing their pastures into the nearby fire for a guilty verdict in which case They were against her And they then ate the now cooked food was the 19 year old one and be saying to medieval battlery enactment enthusiasts was

wrapped in dough and cooked behind them so So there you go a bit of fact to get you going. And it's time to meet our second guest who come and clean up that delusional bullshit. Now if there's one person who's gonna be coming onto the stage tonight, who's most likely to become president of the USA, it is our next guest on the grounds that he is American and a man.

But please welcome the wonderful Alex Edelman. Oh! You don't need to be American, didn't stop Obama. So Alex, how's Edinburgh going for you? Good, I spent the day leaving audience reviews on Alice Fraser's page. It's gone, it's gone okay. It's good. The show is the same as the show from Austria, but the show is largely about anti-Semitism and when I wrote it, it wasn't topical. And now it's very uncomfortable some nights.

So, no, it's going well. This is my favorite place, and despite the rain, it's been a pretty good fringe. Yeah, and have you found that this increased topicality has made you more or less anti-submitted. I can get away with less if you know what I mean. I don't think my entire career is living proof that we no longer run showbiz. Actually, Andy, we had a meeting and you're out, buddy. LAUGHTER Right, it is now time for Top Story this week.

MUSIC And Top Story this week, The Sun. We've all heard of it and we've all, at times, enjoyed it and presented it. The world is currently having a bit of a tricky relationship. Not that sun, Chris. Sorry, sorry. Chris, we're having a bit of a tricky relationship, I'd say, with our number one star, the big hot thing that really puts the solar into solar system. It's been causing Mary Havoc here on Earth by shining much too hard.

It has been, I don't know, probably not here in Scotland, but it has been seriously hot around the world. A lot of heat flying around that may be linked to climate change and a potent of now unstoppable devastation to come. Thanks to humanity's collective failure to take notice of warnings, or it may more likely just be the ancient Egyptian sun god ra, enjoying a nostalgic resurgence. But ironically, actually, when it is over 40 degrees Celsius, burying your head in the sand is actually quite a good way

of keeping yourself cool. But luckily, at last, we are doing something about it. Yes, NASA has launched the Parker Solar Probe over the weekend, setting the spacecraft on a journey that will take it closer to the Sun than any human-made object before it. The Parker Probe will reach as close as 3.8 million miles to the Sun's surface, taking it directly through the Sun's atmosphere. According to NASA, this will take it so close that it will actually quote marks touch the sun. You can't say actually and then put touch in inverted commas.

The quote marks mean actually not actually. You cannot sarcastic quote marks touch the sun. If someone left a user review on my Edinburgh French ticket website that said, my show, sarcastic quote marks, touch them. I'd be f***ing furious. I mean, 3.8 million miles is a pretty loose definition of touch. By that definition, I'm literally quote touching all of you right now.

Everyone literally, all of you, especially you, Edelman, in a really creepy way. Nice. My favorite part of the whole story is the comments on the independent news website's coverage of the quote event, which someone has said, superman's been there and done that, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, next. And another person has said, not to touch the earth, not to touch the sun, nothing left to do but run, run, run, let's run, Jay Morrison. My favorite thing about it is I watched some of the press

conference online, and the NASA spokesman's going through the details. Someone unmanned, right? And something, and he goes, yes, Jim, unmanned. LAUGHTER Oh. Oh. LAUGHTER

LAUGHTER Yeah. Oh. It's a very important scientific research. This is part of a project that NASA has been doing for years to find out whether the sun is as popular mythology would have it, a source of heat and light for our planet, despite being 90 million miles away, or whether it is in fact a large flaming biscuit Also, they want to discover why the sun is sometimes hot Like on a clear day and other times Not so hot or visible like when it's cloudy. So I guess we get closer to that You know it cut it's casting 1.5 billion to send it But I think it could have been so much cheaper if we just launched it at night right? It's so much If if we just launched it at night, right? It was so much. I'm sorry.

Quick, quick. Have you stopped quoting your president? Uh-uh. Um. Well, I mean, you know, that's nothing on Space Force. Right. Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da I mean, it's speech Thursday, the Vice President Mike Pence outlined plans to create Space Force, which is build as a new branch of the US military dedicated to fighting wars in space.

Apparently the idea... They put out some suggested logos. Apparently the idea is getting respect from people who want to defend satellites in space from Russian and Chinese interference and also star Trek fans who I assume desperately hope the principles of non-aggression and peaceful diplomacy will leak out like radiation from a warp core breach At best it will cost more than eight billion dollars to establish this kind of preemptive defense presence in our skies That will definitely invite reciprocal space force investments from the political enemies of the US, and at worst it will end in raging atmospheric battles in the skies above our homes. What I'm saying is there is no way to win this is the Kobayashi Maru.

It's, you know, Roger Stone, who's one of Donald Trump's advisors currently under investigation, tweeted an image of himself and a bunch of other Trump cabinet members in Space Force gear and then had to delete the image because did you see this? Someone had Photoshopped not just their faces over the faces of NASA crew members, but also a new mission patch over the Apollo mission patch, and that new mission patch had swastikas. And the caption of the... The caption of the original picture said, in space, no one can hear you lie. And Stone said, I love this.

I heard that Trump said that we're going to have a space for us and we're going to get the aliens to pay for it. I can't wait to release an actual man's mission to the sun where the first words of the first man to be disembarked will be one small step for, I'm quite marked actually dead. of the first man to be disembarked will be one small step for... AAAAAAAA! I mean, quite Mark's actually dead. LAUGHTER

Um, the Parker Solar Probe, back to that quickly. Parker Solar Probe, currently, is only also the name of one of the finest amateur and dosky-be products on the market today. LAUGHTER Is, um, yeah, the fastest man-made object ever created at 430,000 miles an hour, 120 miles a second. In context, if you were caught driving at 430,000 miles an hour on a British road, you would be banned from driving for 62,658 years. What a meaningful statistic. Yeah, which car car is that fast?

So the Space Force has not been universally admired. Retired, NASA astronaut Scott Kelly. So he thought cyber security was cyber security was more important He's his brother also an astronaut Mark Kelly called Space Force redundant and wasteful and I would say that is exactly what the aliens wants you to think They've already done the wasteful mean the same thing. So it's kind of redundant wasteful use of words Yes Also redundant and wasteful wins votes.

We know that from, but also the aliens have already invaded Russia. And it's easy to tell, have you ever heard them speak? It's absolute gibberish. Mark Kelly pointed out that Kuzn on the news, and they asked him about it. And he said, we already have one. We already had part of the Air Force.

And they said, is it really? He said, it's like taking the submarines out of the Navy and calling it the under the sea force. We're going to kill those little mermaids. You watch us. You'll have a quick sum fact box. You don't need to be a rocket scientist and know that the sun is hot. I mean, really hot.

Hotter, some claim than pizza. Fresh out of the oven. In fact, a pizza oven is approximately 700 degrees Kelvin, whereas the corona of the sun is 2 million degrees Kelvin, or 2,800 pizza ovens rolled into one. But bigger. So the corona of the sun would actually cook the perfect pizza or 2,800 Peter ovens rolled into one. But bigger, so the corona of the sun would actually cook the perfect pizza

in exactly 0.02 seconds. Whilst the 15 million degree Kelvin centre of the sun would cook a perfect joint of roast beef in 4,000th of a second and slow roast an elephant in 0.1. But be warned, unless you ate your food and left the restaurant within 1.3 nanoseconds of arriving at Shay's soul for dinner, you would either be dead or so badly sunburned, you would not enjoy your food at all. Fact 2, we're all familiar with the phrase, oh look, we're all familiar with the phrase, oh look. BEEP!

We're all familiar with the phrase, look, the sun is rising. But the reason the sun rises in the morning is because overnight it naturally fills with hydrogen. Which makes it float above the horizon in time for breakfast. And finally, fact 3, if the Sun is indeed as the great solarologist team of Marvin Gaye and Tammy Tarell claimed in their hit song of 1969, if the world is indeed a great big onion, then the Sun is by deduction a sat summa as big as a hot air balloon. The popular, the popular song the Sun has got his hat on was released in 1932 with two versions released the same year.

One recorded by the Henry Hall BBC dance orchestra, the B side of the single being the original rendition of f***ed depolice, made famous by the later 1980s cover version by the influential rappers NWA. The other version by Chart Top was Ambrose and his orchestra was later banned after it proved to contain hidden messages encouraging people to perform satanic sacrifices. But in reality, the sun actually has no hat. If the sun had originally had a hat, it would have burnt off at least 4.5 billion years ago. Shortly after the sun came into existence. Ironically, when it is sunny, you should wear a hat. The dinosaurs had no hats.

Join the dots. Here end of the lesson. APPLAUSE You will lose. Here is an important announcement. It seems that none of us know how to brush our teeth properly. But don't panic. Quip is here to save your teeth. Quip is an electric toothbrush that's a fraction of the cost of bulkier brushes. It's essentially like having your teeth gently licked by a benevolent angel. It has an inbuilt timer, no cutting corners

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Is this feminist performance art or did you just find a promising match on Tinder and had the horn so badly that human dignity went out the window? I mean Edelman you know how it is hormones get the better of you your young man in a dry patch a lady winked suggestively over the lunch table and all of a sudden your Bulls are halfway down the plastic cup of her nads hair removal cream in the bathroom. McDonald's. Trying, you know how it is, you know, trying not to scream expletives as your pubic hair and the top layer of your skin dissolve away because you promised Ronald McDonald he wouldn't

swear in front of the children. You gotta keep your chin up because there was your new year's resolution to be a Dipilletry Bulls Cup half full guy, not a Dipilletry Bulls Cup half empty kind of guy. Amen. It's like John Oliver never left. That was all I had on that. Oh, is that the feminine of feminine? Oh, no, there's heaps more. All right, let's just give you guys some space. Well, just to think about what just happened, yes.

So what else is happening in the world as our correspondent for 51% of the world's population? Well, we have an Adelaide woman attacking a luxury Mercedes Benz worth more than $400,000 with a baseball bat in what by rights should have been a protest against Mercedes for that grovelling apology to China after it thoughtlessly quoted the Delai Lama on Instagram without giving due consideration and sensitivity to the delicate feelings of the massively lucrative Chinese market. But unfortunately, this is a beg suspected to be a revenge attack.

Apparently, she spraypainted the words cheetah, slut, and manhawar on the expensive douche-mobile. So it's probably just that he did what dudes that buy cars like that so often do, which is test drive the newer model before they've got the rid of the one in the garage. One witness said the scorned woman aged in her 20s was cool, calm and collected during the rampage, though I think hitting something with a baseball bat is body language incompatible with the words cool and calm. Even baseball players aren't cool and calm. They pretend to be Andy with their chewing gum and backwards caps, but they're all with existential angst because it's a stupid game and in their heart they know. How dare you! How dare you! There hasn't been a Facebook game worth watching since Bobby Thompson hit the shot-heard round the world and the ninth inning is the New York Giants beat the

Brooklyn Dodgers for the National Lead Pen and in 1951. That is good knowledge to be fair. I do not understand the Adelaide's woman urges to enact violence on an innocent status symbol slash penis extension But then I also don't understand her urge to have gone out with a guy whose idea of worthwhile expenditure is a car That's almost halfway to a million dollars worth of rapidly depreciating asset So who am I to judge? Alex you can I disagree with some of that right? Alex, can I disagree with some of that? Right. Go up first, come on just because you're a big sports fan.

Yeah. And do you play a lot of baseball? Yes. So can you, what is the technique for hitting a Mercedes? Do you have to say you carry underwood song about it? Doug MacKeezing. It's a stupid game. Why do the managers always argue with the umpires?

There hasn't been a decision reversed in 110 years. Here's why because eventually we're going to do this this VAR bullshit that you guys have been doing and we want to have some like Back catalog correctness to argue with and baseball's an amazing sport if you like Two hours of excitement stretched out over the course of four and a half years And if I want two hours of excitement stretched out over four and a half years, I'll go to one of the old-time shows. You saw my best show. More feminism news?

Yeah, let's have another bit of feminism news. Can we see which part of American culture you're going to insult next? We've got video games, we've got the lady who said she was word and claim. Let's go with video games. One of the world's most popular video game streamers has said he refuses to play with women online in order to protect his relationship with his wife and not feed toxic online gossip about his love life. Tyler Ninja Blevens, who is...

Yeah, when you know your name is Tyler Blevens, Ninja is the nickname. Who is married to fellow video game streamer Jessica Goch has 10 million subscribers and is the biggest streamer on video streaming platform Twitch. He makes 500,000 US dollars a month playing the game to translate Andy. Twitch is an app where people watch other people playing video games. Video games are like a cross between watching a movie and playing sports. 500,000 US dollars is more money than you and I will make in a decade. Even if we can find out incomes to build a time machine and go back and buy Bitcoin before it got huge.

So he won't play against women because playing a video game against a woman... It's basically the next best thing to bang in. Up, down, up, down, left, right, left, right's right. Didn't it? It's not I mean, it's not it's not it's not just computer games I mean it didn't but Richard Burton and Elizabeth Taylor first get together over a game of bowls I mean, I do worry about computer I have children who are starting to get into that dangerous age bracket when their lives might be taken over I am a'r ymwch chi'n ei wneud yw' yng Nghymru, o'r gael yng Ng Nghymru But let's look at the positives. I'd Grand Theft Auto launched 1997. And it's now, it was 5'6", 5'8", Grand Theft Auto.

And it's a game where you have to drive recklessly and commit violent crimes, essentially. And since Grand Theft Auto has launched in 1997, road deaths in Britain have halved. And violent crime has come down. So it turns out it was actually giving people an outlet. They didn't have it before. It makes you think if only the BBC had developed a computer game in the early 1970s, that it's not...

What's going on in packing your home country? Well, I'm not sure if you guys know this, but about 10 minutes ago, Donald Trump resigned and now I'm so seconded here. I'm f***ing with you. Donald Trump fired Amarosa Manidult Newman for the second time, but the first non-apprentice time. The first time he fired her was because her and the protege team sold stakes to the wrong restaurant, but this time it was because she violated some national security agreements. Two slides of the same coin for me.

One of the things I hate the most about Donald Trump is that he's made me root for people I've always despised. And she is shopping a book and some secret recordings that she took in the White House with a pet, with a recorder that looked like a pen while she was there. So yeah, some big news. My favorite thing about this is that Omarosa's book, one of the excerpts,

was said that Trump thought seriously about getting sworn in on the art of the deal. But advisors told him there was only one book written by multiple authors falsely attributed to a single being that could do the job I love good Bible joke. I am not a godfaring man and that feeling is entirely mutual I am not a godfaring man and that feeling is entirely mutual. And Alex Jones has been, well there he is, the shock jock. Are you all aware of Alex Jones? For those who don't know who Alex Jones is, imagine a rabid dog barking at a bucket of

sick. But instead of barks out of its mouth comes the molten shit of an evil dinosaur. That molten shit then solidifies to become a coprolite in the shape of the swollen penis of BLZBub after he caught his plunk and the zipper of some trousers he borrowed off Stalin. Alex Jones is a fossilized fly that died on that shit 50 million years ago, give or take. So that's filled in some gaps for you. I was thought he was a floating parasitic butthole that just buzzed through the air

until he found like a stream of bullshit to latch onto and then just sprayed it over as wide and areas humanly possible, but you're the scientist. That's the first time anyone has said those words to me. So he's been dropped by Twitter for... He's been dropped by Apple, and then he was dropped by Facebook, and then he was dropped by Twitter, and we're going to continue down the line until Friendster decides that it's no longer good for him. Alex Jones, his defense, is that he's playing a character, but unfortunately that character

seems to be Joseph Gerbos. LAUGHTER LAUGHTER LAUGHTER LAUGHTER LAUGHTER Right, I think we've now... You might get away with one quick thing.

I think I'm lost. Have we got time for this, Chris? No. Well... Well, just to finish, a fwy, am ymwch, am ymwch, am ymwch, am ymwch, am ymwch, am ymwch, am ymwch, am ymwch, am ymwch, am ymwch, am ymwch, am ymwch, am ymwch, am ymwch, am ymwch, am ymwch, am ymwch, am ymwch, am ymwch, am ymwch, am ymwch, am ymwch, am ymwch, am ymwch, am ymwch, am ymwch, am ymwch, am ymwch, am ymwch, am ymwch, am ymwch, am ymwch, am ymwch, am ymwch, am ymwch, am ymwch, am ymwch, am ymwch, am ymwch, am ymwch, am ymwch, am ymwch, am ymwch, am ymwch, am ymwch, am ymwch, am ymwch, am ymwch, am ymwch, am ymwch, am ymwch, am ymwch, am ymwch, am ymwch, am ymwch, am ymwch, am ymwch, am ymwch, am ymwch, am ymwch, am ymwch, am ymwch, am ymwch, am ymwch, am ymwch, am ymwch, am ymwch, am ymwch, am ymwch, am ymwch, am ymwch, am ymwch, am ymwch, am y comparison. I actually had a friend who was an astronomer and was fascinated by stars, but he got so excited by looking at the stars that he developed these bizarre food habits when he'd been looking for constellations in the sky. And he went to this French restaurant that served specialty dishes made from the facial features of mythical creatures. One day he went in and the Matredi said to him today, special Monsieur is from a half-human, half-orce creature. You can have a full portion or a demi-portion and he

said, yeah, why not? I'll have half a centaur eye. Alpha. Alpha Centauri. And I'll try the exotic meats as well. I love eating humpt animals, especially. So I'll have some camel and dromatory salad. Who's a massive fan of Lennon and McCartney, interestingly? In fact, he formed a tribute band with some from his buddies from the synagogue. They call themselves the Beetlejuice. But it was very, very, very,

indecisive golfer, particularly off the tee. He could never decide. He used to play golfer with me. He would always say to me, handy, so they'll take a word or iron. Or iron. Or iron. We also like poker, but he had this, he had this, this very obvious tell when he was playing poker and He had a good hand. He was talking to himself in New York accent, and was they to himself, I got to play at these cards, right? Play...

Play at... Play at these? I mean, I had to look these up, to be honest. That was... Pretty much out on Alpha Centauron and Andromeda. Um... But, uh... He had a sponsored protest streak

against government underfunding of telescopes. So he got 10,000 naked astronomers to run across the pitch at Murrayfield, called it the Great Bear. And we celebrated that with another weird dish at his favourite restaurant. It was a local dish in fact here in Scotland, a variation on Haggish, and made a finely ground sugar and sheep's testicles called Caster and Bollocks. LAUGHTER LAUGHTER We then asked, do you have any of your three bear meat sausages today? And the way it said, no, we're out of brown.

We've only got one left. We're out of brown. We're out of grisly. And he said, never mind, I like the other one. Best made of the white furry bear. Polaris, my favourite type of bear sausage. LAUGHTER LAUGHTER Anyway, eventually it was made a lord for his services to making cheap watches and calculators. He became known as the Cassiopeia. That's it.

That's it. I'm done. That's it. Why are you clapping? I'm done. I just want you to know what the interplay there was. Was I started writing some puns and then Edelman just went, shh. Right.

Well, that's just something I feel I have to do on being serious. Oh, fuck this. Right, I think we're all done now. I need to go and sit down. Any final... Let's plug your shows, Alice. My show is called Ethos. It is at 755 at the Underbelly Bristow Square. It's a double act with a robot. I also have the Trilogy podcast up online now as a podcast. I assume you know what that is.

What? A podcast. Yeah. It's called the Alice Fraser Trilogy, and it is available. It is lots of comedy. It's three comedy. Consider that a verbal flyer to go with the physical flyers you were given to the start of the show. So, where are enough to go round? Who here has an Alice Fraser flyer? All right, will you just sign them all verbally, just do it like your verbal signal. So annoying when celebrities do that, it's just a fucking scroll, makes

them effort. And makes pronounced the A and the F. I genuinely I will sign anything. Right. Alex. Do you want to plug your show? My name is Alex Adelman and my show is called Just For Us. It's on at the Cabaret Bar in the Pleasants Courtyard every night at 8 p.m. or 20, 300 hours if you're Washington time. And the president. It's a very good show I saw it in previews. I'm glad I did because we clashed now.

But it's a very good show. I highly recommend it I mean if you're not gonna listen Alice Fraser listen to the five stars from the Jewish chronicle obviously And I'll be doing it in London in September hopefully say yeah, thank you so much And you can see you can see my one-man show right questions wrong answers at 3 p.m. At the stand We're all back here at the same time next week with Nish, Kumar and Anu Vab, Powell. That concludes the ending of the Elks, Chris and Ila. Oh no.

Right, good. What shirt have you got lined up for next week? Well, whatever pisses off Annabelle and Nish the most, I'll look for. Penny's everybody 9 pounds. That sounds like it could get dangerously racist. So, tune in next week to hear the end of Chris's showbiz career. Thank you very much for coming Google's. I do hope you've enjoyed it. Please give it up for Alice Fraser, Alex Edelman. Until next time, good night. you