The Bugle - Bugle 4123 - 7 days of Transatlantic Madness

Episode Date: September 28, 2019

Bugle 4123Andy is joined by Nish Kumar in London and Josh Gondelman in New York.This week the Supreme Court says no-no to Boris Johnson’s proroguing of parliament, is Impeachment on the menu for Donald Trump? Labradoodle’s are rubbish and horses get punched.@hellobuglers@mrnishkumar@joshgondleman Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Dancelaguard fans, you will be thrilled to know a book is coming out if you fund it via Unbound. We are publishing the Dancelaguard Reader by Alice Fraser and Dancelaguard, a glorious insight into the world of Dancelaguard, self-published romance maven, and online bestseller. If you would like to find out how to support it, go to thebugelpodcast.com. If we get enough support, we will publish the book. That's a real thing that's going to happen. Thebugelpodcast.com to support the Danciler Guard Reader. A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A- Audio News Paper for a Visual World! Hello, Bueglers, and welcome to issue 4,123 of the Buegl Audio News Paper for a Visual World on this 27th September 2019. I'm Andy Zoltzmann.

Again, Adam Still, you can't change me, and I'm here in London. You're a known city whose name, of course, derives from the ancient Old Brithonic language term from the pre-Roman times, which roughly translates as, place where people shout at each other for no discernible purpose. Joining me in the capital of this disputatious nation, welcome back to Nish Kumar. Hello Andy, hello, buglers. I'm back.

Yes. And bugles into summer. Yeah. I've got blue balls. I've got bugle balls. Family, shun me. Just try him with that. Andy, I don't get the opportunity to praise you often enough.

Let me rephrase that. I frequently get the opportunity. I rarely take the opportunity to praise you. But I have to say, especially your capacity for pun runs, but I have to say, I'm in the middle of the series of a television show that I present called The Mash Report in the UK. And we got a negative review in the Sun News paper,

which is not particularly surprising, as the Sun News paper has historically not reviewed my race well. And they decided to lead off their negative review with a headline that said, not mash point in show with no sense of coma. Now, even in comparison to some of the, and I use this word, entirely accurately, atrocities you have committed on this podcast, that, as a play on words, is absolute horseshit. Did they think that my name is Nishuma? That's that strong work to slam someone with a pun. Pretty much the logical endpoint of what's my career? Satire and punnery. Joining us from the other side of the Atlantic and ocean which is being besieged by political lunacy. Welcome

back to a man who also appeared on a live bugle show earlier in the year in New York itself Josh Gondelman. Hello, thank you for having me. I hear I am in the home of Anga, which is both the United Nations General Assembly and the noise I make when I read about it. Has everyone been excited about the UN being in town, Josh? Oh, General Assembly fever has struck New York or it's just people sick for meeting dollar pizza. I can't tell. It's such a fine line medically, isn't it? Yeah, the symptoms are largely the same. You just start naming countries that are present.

You just, oh, Italy. It's been, it's been, it's been a wild week. We are recording on the 27th of September. There are no anniversaries this week. None at all. Absolutely none, because history has restarted this week, according to some newspapers. As always, however, a section of the people is going straight in the bin this week, a section on new podcasts, there's going in the bin. We review some of the hot new podcasts in the in-medium of the universe right now in the category of film and politics, the new podcast.

What would James K. Polk do in which top celebrities speculate on what 1840s US President James K. Polk would do? Well, he'd find himself in scenarios from famous films. This week Nobel Prize winning physicist David J. Weinland, former tennis star Michael Stick and ex Norwegian Prime Minister and World, flomba, a new whole process cookery show from the renowned restaurateur, Pervocateef, which offers instructions on how to hunt down a meal in the wild, butcher and skin it, use it as a family toy to educate your children about how meat works, and then flame cook it in brandy.

Recall it on location in Malvain's, hit new New York restaurant, Ififmi, which is Nakanim for your food, you f***ing make it. Now it's diners, bring their own ingredients, cook them themselves, and then have the resultant dishes fancily named by Malvein and his team of Resoparians and served on automated trolleys. The new religion podcast, Answer My Prayer. This is an absolute smash hit in the making a panel of senior clergy from different faiths listen to secretly recorded prayers hacked from top brand virtual assistants and smart speakers, the panel unaware of the faith of the person

who's issued the prayer, then discuss whether their respective God or gods would be likely to answer that prayer in question. And if so, how, or whether they'd punish the Pragervert for some aspect of their way of life. And sports podcast, the back dated World Cup podcast, classic podcast, this a panel of football pundits and historians discussed based on global and national economic, social, and political trends at the time. Who would have won the football World Cup? Had it existed before it came into existence in 1930. This week, the thrilling 1772 World Cup, the 1298 World Cup and the 407 BC World Cup, to engine a absolute classic showdown between Greece and Persia. That is going in the bin. Top story

this week. Well, we've got a very special top story section this week. We're going to have a shootout between Britain and America. Whose country has had the more ridiculous week, which national ball or resentment field fury has been the more idiotic over the past seven days. This has been one of those weeks in which I found myself shielding my children aged 12 and 10 from television and newspapers for fear of what they might see and making them watch Nightmare on Elm Street instead of just setting them up with the entire series of sore movies because they'll be slightly less terrifying and have the added bonus of being actually pretend. Also, ironically, it was a week in which the cricket season ended.

So there's really no escape from what has been happening. Representing the UK, Nish Kumar, representing the USA, Josh Gondloman. Nish, do you want to lay a claim for Britain having had the most ridiculous week? Well, I mean, I don't even know where to start. It's the competition that no one wants to win or lose. On Tuesday morning, this Supreme Court rule that Boris Johnson's pro-roguing of Parliament was unlawful, and so Parliament had to go back in and sit again. This was also like the deluge of bad news

that's been coming out, particularly for our Prime Minister. And I use those words like as in our Prime Minister at time of recording, who knows what the fuck has happened now. But it's been a deluge of bad news because over the weekend there was also a story that broke that suggested that he had provided Favours for a and this is the euphemism was constantly being used close friend This close friend was a young woman who the news papers delightedly reported had a pole dancing pole in her flat and Listen, obviously we don't know that there was anything else going on,

but with Boris Johnson's history, I mean, the man loves to f***. If this one thing, the Boris Johnson loves to do, it's f***, be it women or the country. The man likes to get his end away. So the less said about that, the better. Anyway, on Tuesday, they ruled that the parliament was going to be pro-ROG. And just I'd like to take a moment, just to briefly the less said about that, the better. Anyway, on Tuesday, they ruled that the parliament was gonna be pro-rogued. And just, I'd like to take a moment, just to briefly thank the Supreme Court for doing it on Tuesday, which is the day before

I record my television show, thus giving us a little bit more time to process the insanity of the week. Then, while we were actually recording on Wednesday, Boris Johnson appeared in front of parliament, and when asked to sort of take down the tone of the rhetoric, because the rhetoric has got out of control in this country during the referendum campaign, an MP pro-remain MP Joe Cox was assassinated by a man who later gave his name in the

courtroom as being freed and for Britain. And Boris Johnson was asked by a couple of female MPs to maybe take down the tone of the rhetoric. And there's two easy jobs in being British Prime Minister. I'm not saying that it's an easy job. It's a difficult job. But there are two things that it is easy to do when you're the Prime Minister of the UK. One is condemn violence. And the other is to stand outside number 10 downing street waving. Boris Johnson failed at the first one. And if we were to translate the extent to which he failed at the first one into the second one, it would result in him attempting to waive

and then tripping over backwards, smashing through the door of number 10, taking it off his hinges and squashing Larry the Downing Street cat. Well, it's quite hard to see what he can do next to further debase our political system. Take a shit on the Queen. Well, I mean, let's not assume that has no idea what happened.

I mean, metaphorically, it clearly has happened. That's essentially what the pro-Rogging was. He went and essentially, I mean, it's not entirely correct say he bullshit at the Queen or lied to the Queen, but definitely did not necessarily provide the level of service. The Queen would like to expect from her prime minister. This is one of the gravest, gravest accusations against Johnson. People said he embarrassed

the Queen, embarrassed the Queen. I mean, that is her husband's job. Exactly. She's what 93. She's had four kids. She's been forced to parade around with various desks bots and bastards of global politics. And she's been married to Prince Philip for seven decades. She's immune to embarrassment. I think the only way he could really debase our politics further is November. Rememberance Day ceremony masturbating onto the Senate off. We would never forget. Never forget indeed. I think that's really the only club left in his bag. So, a preem court essentially called a thoroughly

justifiable bullshit on Boris Johnson's pro-rogging of Parliament and said that it hadn't even happened because that's how wrong it was, didn't it? Which I guess gave Boris Johnson a loophole, if people say, oh, that pro-Rugging was, it was that was completely out of order, he'll say, what pro-Rugging? Yeah, it's the bulletin.

Oh, yeah, it doesn't exist. No, we're in a kind of God's debate type situation. It's the political equivalent of that series of Dallas that turned out to all be a dream. As a result, the nation has continued to tear itself apart, like I'm running out of tearing itself apart, similarly, like some over-excited wrapping paper that's been given itself wrapped in itself as a birthday present.

Well, that's a... So, well, and now they've been pressed on this a few times. Johnson has refused to apologise for any of the things he said in Parliament, and he's continued to refer to the bill as a surrender bill and continue to use language words like betrayal, which a lot of people are saying is sort of inflaming tensions. So far, one of his advisors, Dominic Cummings, who is a c*****, was asked...

I've had enough of this technical legal terminology. Oh, sorry, I've had to. I'm having trouble following from overseas. He basically, he was asked again, how we could possibly calm tensions. There's been a lot of talk about potential writing. And he said, the only way to calm these tensions and to prevent violence is to get Brexit done.

So if somebody threatens you with violence, the only thing to do is to give into their demands. And that has completely subverted my understanding of every action film that I've ever seen. Johnson responded as you would expect with the contrition of dignity and even handed inclusive bridge building open-mindedness of a drowning turd in a bucket of its own sick and said that the ruling was wrong. Now, who are you going to believe on this, Nish? Who are you going to believe on this, this complicated legal matter?

Are you going to believe 11 of the top judges in the entire United Kingdom or a former journalist and proven bullshit? That is a tough call, made even tougher when the former journalist and proven bullshit was then supported by Michael Gove, a former journalist and proven bullshit. Michael Gove said Boris Johnson this week that he was the pe Guardiola of politics

for the reference to the current Manchester City and former Barcelona football manager, Pep Guardiola, largely claimed as being one of the greatest football managers of all time. And at the time, everyone's scoffed at this. But then later this week, Pep Guardiola defended Manchester City footballer Bernardo Silver for publicly sharing a racist cartoon. So the comparison might be more apt than we think. When I first saw that, I didn't know embarrassingly who Pep Guardiolo was and I thought it was a misspelling that he was the giardia of British politics.

And I thought, yeah, that checks out, this guy gets it. And then I thought maybe it's the Gerardellis of British politics. And I thought, you know, that's a pretty mediocre chocolate. I don't think that gets to it quite hard. I mean, what, how do you say? I mean, I think there are some very great similarities between Pep Guardiola and Boris Johnson. Their success is bankrolled by unaccountable behind the scenes

boot of that. True of Manchester City as a football club, true of the Conservative Party. Seaseless passing is their hallmark of a football encase of Guardiola's football teams of the buck for Boris Johnson. Um, but both dependent on highly skilled people from other countries.

Neither of them is very popular and Liverpool. Ha, ha, ha! Neither of them has been elected to his position by the British public. I mean, it's peas in a pod. They both belong a f*** of a lot away from Downing Street. And neither really wants Philip Hammond in their team. So, um, that is your sister in Chapel. That story hits exactly at the alignment of your interest of politics and sports.

Yes. To be fair to Gwadiola, he has just unilaterally cancelled all of Man City's matches for the next six weeks. I mean, the only difference is results, essentially, in that Boris Johnson has lost seven votes in a row in Parliament, since he became Prime Minister, plus a f***ing great court case. That is relegation form, which is something that Gwadi Olos never had to encounter in his career. At this point, Boris Johnson

B. Prime Minister of the United Kingdom is like, what would happen if I became in charge of the Ku Klux Klan? Because everybody would be thinking, for God's sake, quit now, but the larger question is, how was this allowed to happen in the first place? LAUGHTER

As you would expect in this day and age, the Supreme Court ruling provoked a wide range of reactions. Some claim in the injustices were establishment studes in the pay of the European Union, the evidence being, well, who needs evidence? And something like that, you just feel it in your waters. Others stating that it was a rare example of Britain's vague, unwritten, nebulous constitution

actually working for once in its non-existent life. And I even heard one man on a BBC Five Live phone in, wondering what gives a collection of 11 of our most senior experienced expert legal minds the right to rule on matters of law, saying, who elected these judges? What makes them better than me and you? Well, I mean, better than me and you?

Well, I mean, other than decades and decades of high level legal experience, nothing, I guess. To be honest, if you are looking at that, from that point of view, if you're looking at that Supreme Court, I mean, you can argue about how our constitution should work, but if you're looking at that, thinking what gives these Supreme Court judges the right to pass their opinions on matters of law, then step away from any ballot box near you. Never pick up a pencil again. This is infactically not your game. It would be a hell of a bold gambit for someone who had just been found guilty of a crime in courtroom. Who elected you? Who are you to tell me that I can't take a shit on a train? Which god placed that power in your hands, sir? Pulling

awful shirt just to reveal an only god can judge a default back tattoo. Josh, what's been the American response to our constitutional self-harming? Well, it has been deafening in that it has been mostly silent. So I think there was, it was truly incredible. The story is amazing. I've been catching up on it. Boris Johnson tried to suspend Parliament, which I don't like that just because I feel like Trump is going to see that and go, can you do that? And the answer is no, which to Trump obviously means give it a shot. And here it's been absolutely chaotic over here. Trump went on the, it was on a call with you with a Ukrainian official and basically threatened to withhold aid unless they investigated Joe Biden, which it's like it, it honestly, I

feel like your week has been so much more chaotic because here that's like exactly what I expect Trump to do because this entire vibe is Tony soprano without therapy. That's like his whole, that's his whole deal. So Trump and Biden are going back and forth and like neither one's account of what's happening seems right. Like the Biden scandal is nothing, but like his account of it is also seems like weird. Trump's account is like fully fabricated and it's really like watching two men argue over who asked out a girl in high school. First, it's like, none of you remembers anything.

I hate you both. Stop it. There's also Nancy Pelosi wants to, it seems like the Democrats want to impeach on this very narrow window of this one phone call, which on one hand is like, I get wanting to go in on something the public can easily understand, like an easily digestible single kind of bright scandal. But also it's like policy saying, look, he's holding the smoking gun. But what if someone gave it to him after they shot it? Have we considered that? All in all, this week is made me think it's incredible that we caught Richard Nixon

at all without someone like Rudy Giuliani going it's incredible that we caught Richard Nixon at all without someone like Rudy Giuliani going on TV screaming, we're doing a watergate, we did a watergate, we're covering up the watergate, which is what he's been doing all week. It's his whole MO. It's amazing that Trump hired a guy to go on TV and confess to crimes. Normally, you pay someone to not do that. Yeah, it's a bold approach to being a lawyer just to go on TV and be like,

my client's guilty as hell. Yeah, what are you gonna do about it? Absolutely, it's like, you can't get its double jeopardy, I've already admitted it. Ha ha ha. Checkmate, nerds. Ha ha ha ha.

Checkmate, nerds. Really is what he would change these motto on the United States seal too. Ha ha ha ha. Trump will still be gonna not be taking it well as you would have thought me. really is what he would change these motto on the United States seal too. Trumpled still is going to not be taking it well as you would have thought. The whistleblowers complaint accused him up and I think there's an element of hypocrisy flying around in the reaction to this. The whistleblowers complaint accused Trump of using a power of his office to solicit interference from a foreign

country in the build up to the 2020 election. Now we cannot criticize him for isolationism and we cannot criticize America as a nation for interfering in other countries politics and now give Trump grief when he reaches out across the oceans for international national assistance in desegrating his own democracy. Surely these are the two things we've been praying for from America. It is true. He's building alliances and he's taking an interest in democracy at home, which I appreciate. The whistleblower complaint is only fascinating because it outlines how many whistle swallowers are hanging around, right?

It's like watching the end of a game where the refs are just like, let them play and one guy's like, he took his head off. He's not supposed to have a hockey stick on this basketball court. I mean, in terms of what might happen from here, probably nothing's going to happen. Is it because even if the articles of impeachment pass in the House, the Republicans still control the Senate, and they need a 2-thirds majority to make any sort of impeachment count?

Are you saying that Republicans would not automatically do what is subjectively ethical and just? I'm saying that in the past few years, integrity has been a foreign concept of the Republican Party, and we all know how they feel about foreigners. I would say that the Democrats have been a little,

you know, a little soft at times, but the Republicans have a tremendous integrity about just doing the most f***ed up thing at every juncture. It's like an unwavering commitment, which I think is its own kind of integrity, to see this man who's obviously a criminal running the country like a criminal, brazenly, and to be like, that's my guy, is just like an absolute commitment and integrity to ass-licking at every possible juncture.

They both addressed the U.N. this week and to a borrow phrase, log-to-fads of this podcast will recognize went full-good affi- just absolutely lost their minds. Just what has the reaction been in the States to Trump's speech? Because he'd look like a horse like that had been seriously tranquilized. Oh yeah, he did not seem with it. He listed the countries that he was obviously learning were just part of the UN with kind of, like, oh, hey, he was like, he was reading a list of it.

He was like, he was taking attendance at the UN and being like, oh, like a teacher on the first day of school, mispronouncing names, saying first names first. It almost sounded like a Kweilood's version of a ludicrous song where he's like, I've got countries from different area codes. It was horrible. And people recognized it as such.

Oh, Kweilooda Christ. It was right there. How did I miss that? The plum sitting right on the tree. It was right there. It was luckily for him. And it was way lucky for the pair of them. They really do have each other's back because Boris Johnson's speech to the UN was a sort of, I mean, look, it felt like, I mean, it felt like he had no idea that he was going to have to give a speech to the UN and had been kidnapped a week before and held in the back of a van and released into the UN and said, right, just a while ago, I want Wilson, thethicc biology stand for it, restoring our livers and our eyes with a miracle regeneration of the tissues like some fantastic hangover cure.

He's thought about that too much. Or will it bring terrifying, limeless chickens to our table, also known as chicken breasts for nuggets? Boris Johnson has been, it's of a socioeconomic bracket, the BT is not familiar with the nugget. He is wildly unfamiliar with the nugget. AI, what will it mean? Helpful robots washing and

caring for an aging population or pink eyed terminators sent back from the future to cull the human race. Now, I mean, I, this shouldn't be the thing that distracts me most about it, but the terminators eyes are famously read unless he's suggesting that the terminators in the process of traveling back in time have somehow contracted conjunctivitis. Or maybe the terminators just stop drinking. These terminators are high as shit. I don't, this is like insane clown-possy level theorizing. This is magnets how do they work. I can't stand it.

It's like, what does he do? You're spitball, you're just freestyling up there. You can't do that. Well, ever again, it's also like, he thinks like, yeah, I thought I suspended this and it's like, that's a different thing. You were suspended. Also, I mean, helpful robots washing and caring for an aging population or pink eye terminators sent back from the future to color human race.

Are those two mutually exclusive? If you were really looking to take over the human race, you would keep the old people alive because they will then probably vote you into office. And you would call anyone who might stop your Machiavellian schemes. Or look, maybe you have a kind robot to care for your grandparents and then when they get when life becomes too painful, you have a pink eye terminator, euthanasia. In the future, voice connectivity will be in every room and almost every object. Your mattress will monitor your nightmares.

Your fridge will beep for more cheese. It's like Philip K. Dick suffered a major brain injury. His idea of the future is like, he can't even imagine a future that's more than one step beyond the present. That's sad. So that's more than one step beyond the present. That's sad. That's now. MUSIC

Animals, news now, and clearly, there's been a lot of big stories this week. As we've already discussed, we had the Supreme Court ruling, and it's divisive aftermath. We had the news on the impeachment proceedings against Trump with the Ukraine's story. If I had more UN reports on the environment and the threat of against Trump with the Ukraine's story. If I had more UN reports on the environment and the thread of extreme weather events becoming more and more frequent. But what was the most red story on the BBC website on Wednesday night? Absolutely correct. It was the story that

the man who created the Labra Doodle says it is his life's regret. That was what most people wanted to read about on Wednesday, which I'm not saying they're wrong. I'm just stating the facts as they are, the creator of the Labrador, the crossbeam between the Labrador, and the poodle has created this dog 30 years ago in an attempt to create a hypoallergenic guide dog that he now regrets it. I mean it's hard to live with that kind of weight or responsibility when you've done something like that. Well, when you've committed a sort of science-based faux-par in that way. Yeah. Also just to be clear, Labradoodle is actually the name of the inventor.

That's frankly great. Labradoodle's monster is the dog. He was Dr. Labrador. There you go. That joke renders my half-degree in English literature entirely worthwhile. And tax deductible. I could, of course, have been called a poobador, but that sounded like a medieval performance poet with serious digestive issues. So it became the Lab labra doodle.

Can I just ask, how did he create the did he? Right, how far do the biology we're gonna go finish? Is his job as a quote, unquote, scientist, just getting dogs to fuck? Well, I'm, I don't know if he, I'm a easier scientist or a dog breeder, I'm not quite sure. Or just a horny dog enthusiast,

a kind of pornographer. LAUGHTER Labrador is his pornhouse. LAUGHTER No, I think he was a dog breeder, a professional dogbreeder, and was trying to create a guide dog that the fur of Labrador's can cause allergies, where the poodles apparently don't. For whatever reason, hence the crossbreed, Wally Conner and the creator said, I find that the biggest majority of Labrador's are either crazy or have a hereditary problem. Now,

this is the problem when you crossbreed different purebred breeds of dog. Now warning signs there, the British aristocracy has run a very similar scheme for generations and generations. Now that has ended up. They're not even hyper-whalagetic. and it up. They're not even hyper-well energetic. Right, a prince is just a queen, right? That's a queen king hybrid. The thing I don't understand, so the job of a dog breeder is getting dogs to f*** right? So does that mean professionally you spend your time with my club? Why do you think it's presenting such, you know. Does that mean that that guys talk just by your own standards? LAUGHTER Just sort of like slipping oysters into dog food, getting through handles.

Is it playing Marvin Gaye's album, let's get it on, at four times the speed so dogs can hear it. LAUGHTER I imagine so, yeah. I think part of it is just not letting them rip. Right? Other hybrid dog breeds to have been created recently

include the Schnippet. That's the Schnows or Weppet Cross, the Wawa, which is intimidatingly aggressive, but fits in a handbag. The Spannule Dobermann Cross, known as the Cock Pinscher, and the Half Bulldog, Half Shitzu, the Spaniel Doberman cross known as the cockpinscher and the half bulldog half shit too, the bullshit. The thing about this story that really sticks out to me is that he said creating the

Labradorodle was his greatest regret, which like, oh, what a nice life you must have had then. I have greater regrets before getting out of bed in the morning. Oh, your greatest regret brought joy to families across the world. Lucky you. Yes, and there's a bit of a humble brag. I guess, isn't it? Yeah, right.

My only problem is how large my penis is. If I had to change one thing about my body. I'll see your creation of the Labrador, it was my greatest regrets. And raise you, my entire mid-20s. It's like Jonas Sath being like the polio vaccine really got out of control. So. I remember hybrid crossbees often don't work that well.

I'm a Christianity in capitalism. People are natural. Crapidlyism. Democracy in the internet could have been so good together, but it's just isn't working out. BELL RINGS In other animal news, in Britain, this week, a man punched a police horse.

Not just any man, a football fan, after a... Portima versus Southampton Cup match, an angry Portsmouth fan took out his frustration at his team's four-nil defeat. By doing the logical thing and punching a police horse on the snout, when football really brings out the best in Britain, these horses have had it too good for too long.

But I mean, I've even punched a police horse in the night. Of course I haven't punched a police horse. I mean, I've almost embarrassed that we're talking about this with Josh on the line. If this is the sort of thing that happens in Britain, more often than any of us would like to admit. At least in the pre-entered era, you could be like, it's like farting on your own. You're like, thank God no one else heard of.

I'm like, thank God no one else got a whiff of this. But now because of the internet, every like hour, shame is global. And what I would say is, what we need to establish in this situation is, how did the man and the horse vote in the Brexit referendum? And was the horse preventing Brexit? Because if it was, that man was well with his rights to throw his fist at that Ramona horse. F***.

F***. Who I think shit, I wasn't, didn't she sing for Germany in the Eurovision contest last year? I think the horse just voted Maine. I'm not leaving Maine. Better the podcast for this joke, right? That was almost too many, that was too much strong material in one minute. That was too much strong material.

That is not what this podcast is about. Romano horse. And then it voted main. That was all votes too much. Josh, do people in America go to watch sport games and become so enraged that they end up attacking animals? Oh, yeah. I mean, I think we fear our police more so that we don't try to fight their horses.

But I could see a guy finding a civilian horse to fight after a football game, which I think, you know, we have horse racing, which is so brutal to the horse. The least we can do is if we're going to abuse it, just square up and throw hands one on one. Give the horse a fighting chance. And also, why off the foot, you can understand if someone's just seen their favourite horse or ride up, screw up the dress-arge at the Olympics, you can understand them taking it out on the horse then. Are you defending horse-based violence?

Only in certain circumstances. You are as bad as Dominic Cummings and Boris Johnson. Well, before we go, we have a free gift from the bugle to all of our listeners. A free, it could be worse sound effect. Are you annoyed about the news, down about the state of your and my favourite planet? Well never forget, it could be a lot worse. Whenever you're feeling knocked off, let down or just generally pessimistic about what's going on. Remind yourself, if you're a different species, things could be way, way worse.

By listening to one of our free, it could be worse sound effects. Sound effect one. You're a little antelope, wondering why that large cat is running towards you, licking its chops. You like cats? Oh, hang on. Sound effect too. You're a fly. Innocently going about its insectual business on a window. Keep it in perspective people. And finally, you're a turkey going shopping in early November. So there we go.

Let's just try and keep our current troubles in some kind of objective perspective. Thank you very much for listening to the Bugle. Don't forget there are live shows imminent in Glasgow on the 7th of October and Newcastle on the 8th of October at the stand comedy clubs, details and tickets on the internet niche anything to plug. Please watch the Mash Report if you live in the UK on BBC iPlayer. The first four episodes are available online. If you don't live in the UK, continue to watch it in the way that I know you've all been watching it, which is wildly illegally.

I don't condone it, but I do respect it. Josh, do you have anything you'd like to alert our listeners to? Please, I have a new book that just came out in the United States last week called Nice Tri Stories of Best Intentions and Mixed Results. And I'm told it comes out in the UK on Halloween, not themed, not spooky, but I believe people have been able to get it on Kindle now. So that's exciting. So it's coming out on the day we leave the European Union. Josh, if you need something distracting or soothing or just completely inappropriate for the times. Josh, I've got terrible news for you. On the 1st of November

and in I going to be eating your butt. Hey, whatever sells more copies. Josh has been a delight to have you back on the show. Nish, as always, thanks very much. Buculus, thank you for listening. We will now play you out with some lies about our premium subscribers. Now, we've had various emails regarding the feedback log. And yes, I will admit now, I didn't realise how many lies I was going to have to tell. There is a signal that we will get round to you all Eventually it just may take some time

I'm gonna try and do slightly more lies each week from now. They might be as a result a little bit shorter To join the bugle voluntary subscriptions team go to the buglebox.com and click donate Alan Smith finds that people respond to unexpected questions far more positively if you are carrying a clipboard and wearing a white coat. Just in Christian, how to laugh when on his first day in a new job in an electrical good store, he misheard his bosses comments that the tech alleys closed off as an instruction to take all his clothes off. Janosh Ortonman cannot understand why Luke Skywalker ended up with such a pedestrian first name. It just feels like a waste of a good surname, says Janosh, like being called Ken Fantasmo

or Piers Magus Schnitzel. Nick Bodinatt enjoys and respects the sea, but does not like the idea of being a herring, although he does ironically like working in a team to solve communal problems, like herring do. Tom Filipinsky is bored by months always coming in the same order every year, year after year, and would like to democratise the system, he's open to suggestions. D.D. Rimron-Souter, hearing this suggests that we let the people choose with an electronic

ballot which month should come next, apart from December, which the government should be able to impose in order to stimulate the economy with a Christmas. Margaret Wharton does not understand why, if the Looge and Skeleton are in the Winter Olympics, there are no events on water slides in the summer games. Eric enks that firmly concoors and adds that if there is horsey dressage in the summer Olympics, then there should be polar bear rodeo in the Winter version. You cannot argue with that. JC Van Ocker has patented the design for face curtains to help people get to sleep when

out and about during daylight hours. The dark velvet curtains will hang from a rail attached to the wearer's forehead and keep about 98% of all light, as well as maintaining facial privacy. Jeff Spakowski did not enjoy eating vegetables in the past, but has overcome his reluctance to buy them in the shops by imagining that all vegetables were wanted criminals and performing citizens arrest on them by putting them in his shopping trolley. An Andrew callus does not approve of the term quad bike. He reasons that a quad bike should have 8 wheels, not 4, because a bicycle has 2 wheels

and quads are 4s, so 2 times 4 is 8. The vehicles, things Andrew should just be called quadsicles or quackers. Here end if the lies.