The Bugle - Bugle 4129 - Mukbang

Episode Date: November 9, 2019

This week 11,000 scientists get ignored, blah blah, British elections, and MUKBANG!! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Dancelaguard fans, you will be thrilled to know a book is coming out if you fund it via Unbound. We are publishing the Dancelaguard Reader by Alice Fraser and Dancelaguard, a glorious insight into the world of Dancelaguard, self-published romance maven, and online bestseller. If you would like to find out how to support it, go to thebugelpodcast.com. If we get enough support, we will publish the book. That's a real thing that's going to happen. Thebugelpodcast.com to support the Danciler Guard Reader. I've got a bit, but I don't even know whether it's worth keeping. Do you want it? Are you going to keep it? Well, I might as well do it.

Might as well. I mean, I'm not editing this week's episode. I'm putting it out of the basement. Right, okay. Um, Rakyu Chris. The Bugle, audio newspaper for a visual world. Hello, Bugleers! And welcome to issue 4192 of the Bugle the World's leading and only audio newspaper for a visual world. I'm Andy Zoltzeman, I'm here in London.

What was going on here a billion minutes ago? Not a lot, it was the year 107 AD. People just got a chili. I call it as the internet. Only three or four things happened in the entire world that year. How times change and to illustrate, how times change, to look like,

oh, another busy week for this planet. I'm joined here in London, return from the USA for a brief flying visit back to London Tiffany Stevenson. Hello triumphant I wanted to say triumphant even though I'm not really but I do have pink hair so I feel like I am giving something new to the pod today. Right. Yes I think that's the first time we've had a guest with Pink hair. I mean, that said, you know, the years that I was conversing with John Oliver down a phone line, I had no idea what he'd done to his hair.

Yeah. Also joining us from the other side of the world in Melbourne, Australia, it's Tom Ballard. Kooey! Hello, friends. Helloooie! Hello friends. Hello, Fieglers. I've shaved all my hair off and I have pink pubic hair. That's what I'm going with.

Family, show. Beautiful. How do you Australian? Why the pink hair? What was the decision, Tiff? We're just going crazy. You're going mental. I was just about to ask, does your pubes,

do your pubes like a flaming galar? Guys, come on, racism really, this early in the show. What precisely is a flaming galar? I think it's someone making a lot of noise, is it? A galar is a bird. Yes. A beloved Australian bird. And a flaming, I guess it's's just a yeah, just like an adjective

Right puts a little spice a little bit of just on the ball. It's on fire due to global warming To the Australia's coal industry yes, all our collars and our flaming number prayed are the glass pink or am I thinking of another bird? Gloss of pink. Yes, okay. Right. I was, yeah, I knew I was going somewhere, I was like, it would be the colour of, anyway. Right. Let's get off your pubes. I mean, really? It's so early for such heavy pubes, Jack. But again, the first time in the, over 4,000 episodes now that that phrase has been uttered. We are recording on Friday the 8th of November, it is World Cappuccino Day. Of course it is. For this was the day in the year 842, in which St Joe of the Order of

the Cappuccino Monks prayed unto God for some milk to go in his coffee, and the Lord did flop into St Joe's coffee cup. As in Joe was not pleased until he got some chocolate sprinkles on top. A bit of history. Monday, the 11th of November is World Origami Day. So, which is, I mean, lovely for everyone, if you audio fold this episode of the Bugle correctly on Monday, it will sound like a swan. As always, section of the bugle is going straight in the bin. Today, the 8th of November is also Guinness World Records Day. So in the bin is a world records section. We look at some of the impressive new world best set in the past record breaking year itself 2019 has just set the past record-breaking year. It's self-2019 has just set the new record

as the most recent year in history, as well as the year longest after Columbus, a sale to the Americas previously, that record held by 2018, of course. Other world records we're looking at this year, the most believable thing described as unbelievable in a sports commentary, that is hotly contested. Least interesting space rocket,

most animals unnecessarily harassed for a wildlife documentary. It's bigger and bigger every year. Most product placements in a single movie shot, that's gone up to 43. Least effective prayer as well, a new record set by the Archbishop of Snutterbridge in June of this year who prayed for his diocese to be blessed with a new water park with slides and everything of the local council instead. Instead built a multi-story car park and a recycling facility and shut down the existing swimming pool on health and safety grounds. That world record section in the bin.

Top story this week. We're all going to. And we're all gonna suffer and then die. That's the latest update on the environment. 11,000 scientists have ganged up on humanity and told us we are set for untold suffering. 11,000 scientists, the latest, the latest report. I don't know how many of these, I seem to be basically a report involving thousands of scientists telling us terrible things are going to happen almost every day now. It's quite biblical, isn't it? Untold suffering. Yes. Because I found a flyer in the back of one of my ubers that felt like it had been left there on purpose. And it said on the front, where are you going?

It seemed quite bright. And then when I opened it, it said, tell! The lesser except Christ now! Right. So, um, this feels like, this feels very similar. I think it's quite nice. I mean, we have so much told suffering in the world right now. I think it's nice to mix it up with some untold stuff myself. I don't know. I don't know what 11,000 scientists would know, you know, like lots of science.

Please, I watched a video on YouTube, and it was this guy, and he was sitting in his car, and he was wearing a cowboy hat, and he thinks that actually it's all gonna be fine, and even if it's not, it's China's fault. So the point is, there's a diversity of views, and I think we shouldn't do anything for another three to six years,

so that everyone has a chance to vlog their opinions, and then we can take some action. Did he mention Guy or theory by any chance? He mentioned it all, baby. Oh, okay. Isn't that the theory that the Earth's self-corrects was originally put forth by a scientist back in the 70s? Yeah, let's assume that the Earth's just gonna deal

with its own mess. Yeah, exactly. Why do always humans like this? Well, it is mother Earth. It's an ass-like. Who always tidies up after everyone. Terrorism. Terrorism, we We discussed this before.

Mother earth is a terrible parent. Absolutely appalling. I was in LA and the Santa Anna wins came in. So there was all the wildfires and there's earthquakes. And you're like, oh, yeah, this is literally the hell mouth. Like, it's like Buffy. I think Greta Thunberg is the new Buffy. We have to give her some weapons,

fully tool her up for any more upcoming conventions. But they'd have to be weapons that didn't release any carbon. Right. You couldn't have things that... Oh, yeah. I would do you know what? The carbon that comes off vampires when you dust them. Right. That's quite carbony, you know. With Mr. Stabby, that's what she called her... Her stick, her steak, Mr. Stabby. Was it made from sustainable wood, that's the key.

It was made from rosewood, and it would know, which is very rare. 11,000 scientists, that's, I mean, it sounds a lot, but it's actually way fewer than, for example, in the past, believed in other now disproved theories, such as at the earth, was centre of the universe, or that everything in the universe was simply made of earth, wind and fire, that princesses can feel a p under 50 mattresses scientists now believe it's a maximum of 12, that the sun has a hat or that fish reproduce by belching through their gills, all now disproved. So perhaps these 11,000 scientists are wrong. It could be.

It could be, I mean, there have made some suggestions. Urgent changes needed include ending population growth, leaving fossil fuels in the ground, halting forest destruction, and slashing meat eating. So the morning after pill really needs to stop calling itself Plan B and start seeing itself as Plan A. LAUGHTER It needs a little bit more self-esteem plan B.

That's interesting seeing it from a purely environmental perspective the morning after all. Yeah, it's that it's coming plastic because that just negates everything. Oh, it does, but there must be a way of just taking a vial or a shot of something. I don't know, putting it in glass. I used to, I think in one of my shows, I had an advert at the beginning for 11L because there's enough assholes already. So it's like an advert for the morning out of pill.

The other profoundly troubling signs from human activities include booming. I don't know if that's a reference to boomers. Booming air passenger numbers and world GDP growth, the climate crisis is closely linked to excessive consumption of the wealthy lifestyle. I mean my carbon footprint is probably making diamonds at this point. I feel like I can't really say anything here because I've been on so I've literally done plain trains and automobiles in the last two days alone.

Well I think my stagnating career is balancing out the success of many of my peers environmentally. He's meant to be right. You're green. That's how you should stop branding your tours now. America has formally this week begun its withdrawal from the environment. Donald Trump is activating his withdrawal from the Paris climate accord. And if he wins the election in 2020, America could be on course become the first country with no environment by the year 2036, which is what the disenfranchised Rust Belt vote has been crying out for. Canada has just put in a bid to buy any spare environment from Montana, North Dakota and Washington state. And it's funny this withdrawal from

the Paris Climate Court. It's not the most eye catching or maybe eye gouging thing that Donald Trump has done in his time in office as president. There are little speech mocks around all four of those words in office as and president In terms of the things Trump has done Doesn't quite leap off the page in the same way that bribing other countries to hack into his political opponents or betraying military allies to their enemies or supporting white supremacists or as confirmed this week stealing money from his own charity to pay for his election campaign Plus none of these not quite as striking as that or even digging up the courts over of Abraham Lincoln and grinding his nuts back into its face. Now we don't know where the Trump has or hasn't done that. On the balance of probability, he has done that and if it turns out that he has no one on a batten eyelid, so he basically has.

But pulling out of the Paris climate accord could be viewed by history as being right up there with his most impressive acts of complete t-shirtishness. Now history is a self-serving shape shifting bullshit merchant that insists on lecturing us about all the stuff we're probably going to f*** up just because everyone else has f***ed the same stuff up before but out of history, your winging has been but it is um I mean in terms of Trump's legacy as it sprawled that in front of us. Perhaps this will be one of the most defining parts of it. Because the withdrawal process takes about a year, the US will come out of the Paris agreement the day after the 2020 election.

So it's still a year away. Of course, the world will be very different by then. Prime Minister Corbyn will have fixed the climate crisis by harnessing the power of recycled Brexit referendum. The American people have stage revolution calling for an end to all Marvel movies, and Andy Zoltzman will have realized that he's wasted years and years of his life watching the offensively dull and bourgeois pursuit that is cricket.

So it's gonna be a very different kind of world because you know what it's gonna be like. I mean, that sentence would have been fine had you stopped it after the bit about wasting years and years of his life, but it was the end, but I didn't. But it's sacrilegious. So that means if Trump is here, and if Trump gets here? That's the one bit of my life I haven't wasted, Tom.

Shout out to the kids. Great. You're stamping all over the great summer that Andy had. Yes. The memories of this beautiful, beautiful summer just gone Tom. Yeah, in fact, I've just this week I put up a frame, my framed handwritten scorecards of the cricket World Cup final right now up on our stairs. Happy times.

Don't leave it behind. Is that why you're opposed to any climate action Andy? Do you want it to be perpetually summer and so it'll be cricket year round? Well, psycho, you sick man. Yes, I mean, you have, um, that calls on the table. That is absolutely what I'm in for. Um, I mean, to me, this is just classic US toxic masculinity, f***ing the world and then trying to pull out method, you know, this is classic US.

And I, and I think, let's be honest, America never really belonged in the environment. You know, it was never a good fit. It was never a good fit. The environment was always like, oh, don't kill me. And America was like, shut up, Faggot. That was the original odd couple, I think. And this now means that America will be the only country

of the world not in the Paris agreement, which is just insane. Like, surely if chaotic, devastated, conflict-driven failed states, like Syria or the United Kingdom, can manage to commit to this kind of stuff, surely a very care-cad too, Eddie? That's your shit country that I've referenced in the... Cut to the very quick. Well, of course, the environment is, it exists in Australia as well for now.

But your Prime Minister Scott Morrison, well, he's trying to clamp down on boycotts of carbon emitting industries, which he's described as indulgent. Indulgent selfish, he thinks these boycotts deny the liberties of Australians. So in order to stop people denying the liberties of Australians Scott Morrison is going to deny the liberties of Australians It's genius He's gonna get ahead of the curve. He's gonna cut off the liberty right at the source So it can't be denied later down the track cut that hippies

He looks like an angry toe, wasn't he? And he sounds like a winging uncle, a municipal meeting. I watched a couple of clips with him talking about it. Keep saying progressivism as if that's like a dirty word, like progress, so disgusting. It's only got us to where we are now. A quick quiz question for you, Tom. What exactly was Scott Morrison talking about when he used these words?

Apocalyptic in tone it Brooks no compromise. It's all or nothing Alternative views are not permitted was it a science b the Bible c the bugle d Tom Ballard e Scott Morrison himself on his dating profile or F a new brand of radical activism Well, I'm sure Scott Morrison does refer to me as it but I would say I would have to go with deep Progressivism I think what yeah, he said for what is a new breed of radical activism? He described as as that now I mean

Trying to sort of shut Australians up. Australia is not traditionally known for shutting up when they have an opinion to express, or even when they have no opinion to express. So he's sort of taking on his own country at the, you know, one of its most cherished activity. Well, the government **** you, Ernie. The government's full of fossils, so I guess it makes sense they're obsessed with fossil fuels. That bit of, it feels like, it feels like that just feels like it's rich old white men in power going, don't give a shit about climate change mate. I was, I was home's already gone here.

Corals more bleach than a house full of playboy playmate. Let's burn the car, go full mad Max. Well, it's possible this is, it's, it's tapping into Australia's naturally competitive streak as a sport obsess nation. It seems to be driving its government to try to make sure it is the first country in the world to become fully uninhabitable due to global warming. I think, you know, this is the problem with having such a naturally competitive national psyche.

Scott Morrison is tackling the climate crisis very much like a homeowner in a horror movie tackling a masked chainsaw wielding maniacs stalking around in the garden, by opening the front door and saying, hey, I can invite some of the kids' school friends around if you need some people to chainsaw the pieces. I thought a spare chain in the shed in case you need it too. Do you want to borrow some old clothes?

It looks like you're planning to get messy. I think it does come back to my competitive nature. We are going to win the ashes for real, on the f**kness. Okay. Morrison said that the boycotts that these are, you know, climate protests and businesses, you know, people have like stopped major coal projects

going ahead because they've lobbied the banks and said, don't fund this project because, you know, it's killing the planet stuff. He said that these kind of boycotts posed an insidious threat to the economy and jobs and living standards of Australians Which is true whereas climate change of course is going to be a job creator It's going to be so many

Employment opportunities after our planet is grilled like a cheese sandwich. You can be a swimming coach You could work as a soldier in the water wars You could intern at the tribal council that chooses a sacrifice every month. I mean, the choice is yours and the opportunities are out there, people. Well, in Britain, the government has halted fracking the process by which miniature earthquakes are created in the Earth's crust to release gas. As we've said on this podcast before, what could possibly go wrong with that? A scientific study revealed that fracking had multiple benefits, including being inefficient, expensive, unproductive, unpopular and unnecessary, which you'd think is absolutely a multiple bullseye

for a Conservative government, but they've actually, they've got against, they've basically shut down fracking. Boris Johnson for all his faults, which coincidentally in this episode 4129 of the Bugle, that is exactly the current estimate of his character flaws. He knows that voters have become quite keen to have a planet to live on in future, and there's been eight years of protests against fracking. And it's what these this protestors has borne fruit or more accurately has stopped fracking companies extracting poisonous gaseous fruit from the earth's crust and feeding it into our faces. Fracking is so bad. It's so bad it's not even recognized by Microsoft Word. Like I'm looking at it right now on my screen and it's got a bumpy red line underneath it, which no doubt represents the fact

that fracking makes the planet Earth bleed. In 2017, the conservative manifesto called for a fracking revolution. Unsurprisingly, they really fracked it up there. The Tory party became such a fracking shit show that fracka pollusa went the way of the fire festival, which is ironic, because if companies are fracking in your era,

chances are you have a little fire festival every time you turn on the tap. PLEASE NEWS NOW and White Supremacist policeman has been investigated in Australia. And this is surprisingly rare, Tom, for Australia's policeman to be white supremacist or as a standard procedure? Well, because they're probably listening to me Not even on this podcast. I've been privately. I'd say no. I love the police force and I think they do fantastic work This is a guy called Travis Gray He was a photograph making the torrent notorious white supremacist okay hand gesture

It was the same one displayed by Christchurch who had a Brenton Tarant when he was in court. And by me whenever I greet Andy Zoltzman. But Gray insists. Oh, special. Hello. See, correct. It was during your protest.

Clive at protesters are trying to stop mining executives from getting to this mining conference. Lot of clashes between police and protesters and yeah this guy was a photograph from making that little symbol. He insisted that he was simply making the IUOK sign to two protesters who looked distressed, which is some Olympics level bullshit that I am very impressed by. Particularly, some have currently revealed that the same officer had posted multiple alt-right memes on his personal Facebook account, no doubt because he saw some sad protestors online and wanted to cheer them up, with the lovable cartoon

character of Pepe the Frog. Pepe the Frog had passed me by it somewhat, because I don't spend that much and much on these days on outright websites. But he's a cartoon frog, nephew of course, of the former Muppet and environmental activist Kermit the Frog. And he was adopted by the outright for reasons that I couldn't quite, for our frogs naturally right wing. Yeah, I think they're quite racist.

I run into're quite racist. Um, it's, uh, they're, I wrote it clearly. They're actually quite gender fluid. I think they're quite a few frogs that can change their gender in certain temperations. So I don't know whether they ought to have thought this through. I think doesn't watch his face. Alex, who's the Alex Jones? I think that the, uh, the Pentagon have a gay bomb and it's going in the war and it's turning the frogs gay. So maybe that's where it's starting. Right. I mean, if you've got any evidence that isn't happening to you before you start. Well, come at the frog did split up with Miss Piggy. Yes, joined the Dutch. So Pepe the frog has also become a symbol for the Hong Kong

protests. So I'm starting to think he doesn't actually have political views of his own. Pepe the frog just hooked up to any group with things will get publicity typical frog. Another officer in Australia is facing discipline reaction after an image emerged of him wearing a sticker with the phrase EAD hippie on it, which apparently is slang for ETA DIC, EAD. Of course, EAD hippie did play a couple of seasons for Nottinghamshire County Champions in the 1950s.

I've quite adequately replaced the great Bill Vos as a left arm seam option of course. But for me being told to eat a dick isn't so much an insult to my character, is it is a reminder of how my dating life is going at the moment? I'm trying officer! I'm trying! Also, I mean most... I think a lot of hippies are vegetarian, aren't they? So, you know, seems... Yeah, seems crass to suggest me eating to them. Yeah. I don't like the defence of like, I was asking, are you okay with the hands?

That's kind of like doing a high-hitler and then going, no, I was doing the paper from paper scissors stone, really high. LAUGHTER But he's managed to get away with it, hasn't he? And nothing sort of come of it. Oh no, Victoria, police are responded to the incident by saying, this is not the type of behavior we expect from our officers. We're extremely disappointed by the situation, which seems very tepid.

It's the kind of milk toast you think you might say if you're puppy, you're like urinated on your couch or if a police officer had urinated on your couch, you know, it doesn't seem like it's quite enough. And they called the meme, the right-wing meme posts, inappropriate and said they'd spoken to Travis Gay and he was aware of their extreme disappointment. So much disappointment going on for Victoria Police. I think it is disappointing when people are Nazis. I think anyone who's a Nazi, not only has let us down, they've also let themselves down. That's a real tragedy. In other police news, in America,

a woman had to drive herself to the police station with a shattered windscreen in her car after being shot at because the police were watching Netflix at the time. This is amazing. This is the 9-1-1 Supervisor was streaming Netflix at work. And then she went, it's on, but I'm not watching it. The same defence used by everyone, whenever a bit of telly was on in the background. The great thing was, she was watching,

so she mishandled the call, because she was streaming the Netflix film, I Am Mother, starring Hillary Swank on her computer, so she was streaming it for about two hours. And the irony of that is that film is about a woman being replaced by a robot. So I imagine that's what's going to happen here to Julie Verdown, was the person who was on shift at the time. I can't be too judgmental here. There have been episodes of the Bugle in which I may have been slightly distracted by sport on the telly. That's not happening today. I'm absolutely zoned in today. I can't be too critical. I know if I was working on an emergency phone

line, there would be major catastrophes every day, caused by me watching Grannie 1920s black and white sports footage online. I'm not gonna judge people. When people are asking you how to respond in a situation, what are you gonna say? Walk, walk. No, not from that.

I mean, like, no, he should have walked. I'll call the police after this over, yeah. I just think, hell, how jaded is this woman? I would have thought that answering emergency phone calls would be one of the most interesting jobs in the world. How jaded are you that your entry or call from somebody's being shot at? You're just streaming season three of friends

in the background. Oh, God! Surely police should be watching these series because police on television are so much more efficient than police in reality. Yes, that's true. Over and over again through these series. That's true, especially in his book, The Nine Nine,

which is actually a comedy. Listen, they're all doing their jobs way better. Yeah, they get you done in like 22 minutes, those guys, it's amazing. I think she was suspended for more for two days, which is quite a lot of binging, she would have managed to get her. LAUGHTER

MUSIC Bugal career section now, and, I mean, yep, that is a little bit rich coming from me. If you are the Bugal career correspondent, you have some exciting news for us from here. I do. I do. Woman quits her job to eat McDonald's and Chinese takeaway on YouTube. Yes, it's a story of all been waiting for. Rally has quit her job as an admin worker in the hopes of becoming a muck bang star on YouTube, making videos of herself eating thousands of calories at a time. There's a picture of her eating a Chinese takeaway

for four people whilst wearing a night t-shirt. So like that, that's added some kind of competitive element to it. Can you just explain? What is mukbang? What is mukbang? I know, it's such a horrible word, isn't it? Isn't it gross?

It sounds like, you know, fucking in a horrible word isn't it isn't it gross it sounds like you know You're barking in a you know yeah anyway, but yes, Mark bang is apparently a Korean Guys what do you mean you don't know what it is? It's a trend that originated in South Korea where people talk to their audience while Binging on food It's the most probably the most privileged thing that you could do It's just about eating as much as you can whilst an audience watch But also there's a hint of the old ASMR involved in it as well. So yeah, so it's it's a hard form essentially the logical endpoint of human civilization. Because where can we go from here? That we what we're doing as a species here is we are using

the most incredible technology ever developed for people to use it to watch each other stuffing their faces, boosting the profits of a multinational bear moth while endangering their own health and indirectly damaging the environment. I think we're done as a species, aren't we? Yes, this is what we want. I mean, do you not like ASMR and ASMR? Yes, auto-sensory. What's the other something response? It's where sounds like this really like kind of like and you get people like this right they do videos online where they whisper into a microphone and I can only imagine that men are like talking into this. I don't know why this sounds.

I don't think this is sexy guys. Oh nice wait. I'm close. I'm close. Yeah. This is sexy. No. You can change that out.

Yeah, that's it. Let's do it if we can. We can. So there's two elements to it. One is the video. I'm gonna mock bang! Oh no! I'm now regressing. I'm now regressing. Every single career choice I've ever made. So she says, I'll enjoy it and it gives me confidence.

And now that I can monetize my channel and respond to people's requests, it can become a full-time career move. Look, if it exists, there's an audience for it, I guess, is what she's saying. I mean, I'm not in a position to tell anyone how to conduct their careers. I mean, it's difficult for me as a parent with,

you know, my children and now 12 and 10 and you're trying to tell me how you need to get yourself ready for the competitive jobs market and I spend my life writing lies and watching cricket. But the muck bang, that's an entirely different, I mean how do I know that was an option? Maybe I'd have taken it. Can you do a degree in it yet? Well, I imagine that there's some institute set up. Yeah, I don't know what the levels would be like this, because the top achievement for this mukbang star,

her biggest hit was a video of her eating a Chinese takeaway, complete with chicken balls, special fried rice, special chow mein, chips, prawn crackers, vegetable spring rolls and curry sauce. The video has been viewed over 48,000 times so far. Right. This just proves to me that cricket is getting everything wrong with its obsession with the 100 bull companies making cricket shorter and shorter, more and more full of action. That's not what people want to watch.

Mill times built into the fabric of cricket. Yeah. People clearly will watch mealtimes. I. Maybe the way cricket's been going wrong in me showing the sport, not the T. Not the T. I would. Not the sandwiches. I would watch Alistair Cook chow down on some cucumber sandwiches.

I don't doubt that for a second. I don't. But yeah, I think maybe the sound of, I bet that's one of the ASMR sounds, the ball, you know, the rubbing the ball on the, is it the inside team? I don't know, I'm just throwing words around now. I mean, I do wonder what Tim Berners-Lee must think when he comes across videos like that. I think what have I done? What have I unleashed it on the world?

I don't know, I mean, she's, she's only just getting into it. I'm sure there's people sometimes they're partner joins her and they eat together. Is there something satisfying about watching? I mean there were videos of like models eating burgers but that's more just because people are like don't believe it. So, but people, I mean it is extraordinary, these these little niche genres that have come up on YouTube. There's others, including the EVAP genre, in which influencers watch small puddles of rain evaporate before their eyes, and speculate on the

thermal nature of life. The top rated videos for that get half a billion views an hour. Creators such as Dampy Patch and Flipplop. And 100 million dollars of video for wearing branded Welly boots. and 100 million dollars of video for wearing branded Welly boots. Fast and 8chan, in which these YouTube stars absolutely fiddled with the fastenings on their clothing, everything from buttons to zips, zippity dook, another top zip, a waggling YouTubers yesterday posted a video in which he ruminated for 25 minutes about whether or not to have a glass of milk whilst pulling the zip on his tracks would up and down.

That's had 750 billion views already and the sympathy dude has been valued to $8 trillion and it's set for a big money bear knuckle boxing showdown with fellow social media megastar widdles whose latest video in which he explains how awesome windows are because you can look in them and out of them unlike mirrors which are shit has been watched now Why is everything why does everything have to end with like a boxing match because like I know I know that this is You know, but it like genuinely do not remember okay, I'm and People listen to this is very trigger their memories, but do you not remember when Doug Stan Hope

had a boxing match with Tonya Harding? It's like the logical endpoint of like mad, weird, celebrity slash, yeah, I think it was for the man show. Right. And he was set up so that him and Tonya Harding were like boxing and they started boxing each other and it's all a really sad phase in Tonya Harding's career in life. It's like Billie Jean King and Bobby Riggs all over again,

but different. You're but punchy. I gotta say guys, I found it hard to write jokes about this, okay? Sharnation, like as you said, some of the videos have got 48,000 views. Now, last year I had my own TV show in the Australian National Public Broadcaster.

Me and a team of about 40 people put our hearts and souls into making an hour of informed and scathing satirical comedy five days a week, and we did lots of research and thinking and hard work and we were exhausted, and we would have fucking killed to be getting those kind of numbers. Little did I know, I should have been writing jokes, I should have just sent in front of a camera

and shoved some f***ing lunch down my f***ing gob for 12 f***ing minutes. I mean, I'd want to see it. Yep, look at that. Yeah, I don't know. I think it depends on the food stuff, you know. It either has to be a huge quantity, or like maybe something weird or rare, I don't know. I think it depends on the food stuff, you know, it either has to be a huge quantity Or like maybe something weird or rare, I guess because I suppose there's that fascination with stuff like I'm a celebrity Where we want to watch somebody kangaroo nuts. Yes, where's that coming from? Well, do you need biology lesson on kangaroos or? No, no, no, I just mean I just mean where's the desire to see that?

I just mean where's the desire to see that? Oh, sorry, I misunderstood. I misunderstood. They're on their chin. She's not even doing that. She literally just goes to the takeaway and gets the food and comes back and eats that. Yeah. Well, I mean, it's totalizing with another YouTube genre

that V.I.M. Have you come across this? V.I.M. Oh, no. Vapid eye movement in which top YouTubers give their fans tips on how to camouflage the aching hollowness inside with a vanilla of happiness. Now that I'd watch.

I think we're not far off someone having surgery to fit a mirror to their own face so that they can look at themselves at all times. Or maybe a camera, like a cranial attachment that just comes out of their own face so they can see themselves. But then they also need another one so they can see how the world sees them. Right. So like multiple cameras that have been screwed into your actual skull.

Are you workshopping your new sci-fi TV series on this show? Yeah. How are we doing for time? Chris. Sorry, I'm not paying full attention. I'm reading a Cambridge University article called Eating Together Multimodally Collaborative Eating in Mukbang of Korean Livestream of Eating. In career, is there anything different about the way they do it, or is it just the same

thing? It's South Korea, and you've got to think about the stuff they do there. They've gone fully. What have they done with their freedom? Gone absolutely batshit. Really, there's a game show for everyone. There's one on South Korean TV where a guy has to answer questions on a quiz whilst a woman in a box underneath sucks him off and he has to try not to climax. That is a South Korean show that exists. So I really think we're at the thin end of the wedge here. Even with my history of bugle, Google searches, I'm not going there. I'm pretty sure that's how Boris Johnson does his party conference speeches as well. Well, Britain news now and we've held it off as long as possible this week.

The election is now in full horrific swing here in in Britain a general election on the 12th of December just four days before the start of my so-how theatre run 16th of December to the 4th of January roll up roll up roll up quite an annoyingly timed election and the parties have been laying down some initial policies basically the Conservatives have said they will spend spend spend spend which has been greeted by the conservative press as an investment boom. Labour have said they will spend spend spend greeted by the conservative press as typical commies bankrupting the nation. So take a pic. Boris Johnson has wasted no time. Before comparing

Jeremy Corbyn to Joseph Stalin, a dancer's old as Boris Johnson himself. He wrote, he wrote, this wasn't an off-the-cuff thing, he wrote an article in the Daily Telegraph, the renowned former newspaper, accusing Jerry Corbyn and his supporters of hating wealth and aspirations so much that they quote, point their fingers at individuals with a relish and vindictiveness not seen since Stalin persecuted the Kulaks. Now for a start I think Stalin did slightly more than point his fingers. And it is a little bit rich to compare an opponent to Stalin from a leader who perched his own party of dissenting moderate voices just a couple of months ago. And a party who's assessments for benefit disability payments are basically pointing fingers at individuals

with relish and vindictiveness to the point where many of them have ended up dead. So and also a party that seems obsessed with building unnecessary train lines. I mean the Stalin comparisons flow both ways. And also he's a leader who insists that his acolytes call him Uncle Bo. I mean, does he? Is too too late to bring truth in the book. Well, that's basically saying, if you want people to bear a bit more in taxes, you may as well be a murderous dictator. Yes. Same saying. Well, also, and there's another Stalinist thing that Tories have done. They doctored footage

of their political opponents. Oh, yeah, Keir Starmer. Keir Starmer to make him appear to be doing something that he wasn't. So don't throw those stolen accusations around in that particular Stalin-y Greenhouses. Stalin. Stalin's living Greenhouses. It's a absolute top gear, top gear of government, isn't it? Because I'm just being thinking he's kind of edging more into clocks and by the day because he also said in that telegraph article that Brexit is like a supercast stuck in traffic which I agree with in that it's loud, expensive, annoying and there's a twat steering it. Jacob Reesmog, Tiff, now you are the visual Jacob Reesmog correspondent. Jacob Riesmog, Tiff, now you are the official Jacob Riesmog correspondent. Oh, come on!

Has been sticking his awe into the nation's eye yet again. Yeah, I describe him as an absolute f***ing Cludo piece. But Scottish Boyfriend has a slightly different take on it because he's got himself into a bit of bother this week, the old Riesmog. So I've got a Scottish boyfriend to explain a hint. Jacob Riesmogs was just a normal wee boy, but tragically at a young age he got possessed by the ghost of Jack the Ripper. Devastated to have possessed a body that barely had the strength to keep it up right, let alone doing murder, Jack had to come up with other ways to ruin people's lives. Mog recently said he wouldn't have died in the Grimfield fire because he's too clever.

That is a statement which immediately disproves himself, only a f***ing idiot would say something that monumentally stupid. I can that he wouldn't listen to the fire brigade because he only listens to his nanny. I want to see Morg outsmart and fire. Let's give the Grimfeld victim's family's flame throwers and put them in a field with Morg and see if he can outsmart them all. In fact let's make it wimbley, sell some, tell a vise and give the money to the NHS. Even by his standards, it was fairly extraordinary. He was on a radio

interview and said, if either of us were in a fire, whatever the fire brigade said, we would leave the burning building, it just seems the common sense thing to do. Now, I mean, you thought it would be common sense not to make crassly and sensitive ill and foreign comments on one of the greatest tragedies in recent British history, that would seem to be on the blindingly obvious side of the common sense fence, but that did not apply for Jacob Reece Mugg. And also he was coming in this classic Reece Mugg in position of wild and willful ignorance because the sta put policy that he was referring to was specifically

for high-rise tower blocks and the only time Jacob Reese Mock could possibly find himself living in a high-rise tower is if that tower is made entirely of 100% pure ivory. So unlikely to be a factor. I mean they all doubled down on it at one point, didn't they? They were just sort of all piling in, defending it, agreeing with it. Until eventually they were like, oh, just think, God, we look like a pile of rotters. Yes. Like, it's one of those things where it's not about them genuinely regretting or feeling bad about these comments.

It's like, well, everyone's making a, what I've realised is everyone's making a jolly fuss about this, and that's annoying. And there's no real regret or thought about. I mean, also, was it the front of the telegraph as well? At the beginning of the week, sort of blaming the firefighters for what happened at Grenfell. So kind of doubling down on that angle. I knew people that were there fighting that. I mean, it's just, it's fucking disgusting.

Thank you for joining us, Tiff, and Tomany shows to alert our listeners too. Oh, I just love people to check out my little podcast. Like I'm a six-year-old, I interview people from across the political spectrum about their politics. I chatted to Michael Walker from Navarro Media a couple of weeks back. That might be an interesting listen for folks who are interested in UK politics. That was a good chat. And I'll be touring in 2020 with my new set up show, Grand Illiquent. Ooh, that's a good name for a show. I like it.

I will be doing a mother. Oh, that sounds wrong. Anyway, yeah, I'll be performing my show mother at the Union Hall in Brooklyn on the 10th of January. I don't know if I've got any more LA dates coming up this side of the year, but at Old Rope. And also, if you get a chance, listen to tiny revolutions, my podcast with Lush.

I just recorded a great one with Lauren Duker about the youth of America starting a revolution. So give those a listen to because it looks like we had a second series and now we don't. So what I might do is do them myself or do them on Patreon or do something like that, but it'd be great to have people listen to them in the meantime and then we'll make some decisions guys. I don't want to commit to anything at this point. Thank you for listening, Bueglers. Next week we will have Harry Condo Bolu to look at the excitement in America with the impeachment and Trump's wall being cut to pieces with

a cheap saw and the latest from the election. We'll now play you out with some more lies from our premium and voluntary subscribers to join in go to thebuegobotgas.com and good luck! Simon Heep is a little embarrassed to remember that he was once on the verge of releasing a hip-hop album themed around the work of Albert Einstein entitled E, which he performed in his guise as a Scottish rapper called Mk2. Mark Dolby is surprised and disappointed by politicians, because when discussing public healthcare and bleeding on about the amount of money wasted on admin rather than medicine and surgical procedures, they never say we need less bureaucracy and more curocracy. Wendell Sheppard worries about Pokémon being vulnerable to contagious diseases, following

the release of the first live-action Pokémon movie Detective Pikachu this year. Wendell explains, we've seen through history how human contact can devastate communities which do not have immunity to the kind of diseases we carry, I'll give Pokémon ten years max. Crawford, Briceland obviously escaped from a 1920s novel, in which he was a somewhat debonet young architect in New York, trying to realise his dream of building a new skyscraper, whilst obviously falling in love with the beautiful daughter of the property tycoon who was trying to scupper his plans in order to build his own skyscraper. Andrew Strirline always thought that

Tukens, the big, beaked, natty, necked tropical birds, were vindictive and vengeful after overhearing a squabbling couple on a train. The man said, I'm going to ruin your life, and the woman replied, you are? Well, Tukens play that game. Dawn Hallowais is envious of people with a greater variety of vowels in their names. Whilst Dawn appreciates the purity of having nothing but A's in her names, she does wonder how different her life might have been, if she'd been called Sequoia Tamborene. Phil Haynes claims to have credible evidence that Father Christmas has been masterminding a performance-enhancing drugs program on his reindeer and elves that makes the whole

Lance Armstrong thing look like a doctor giving an old codger a throat lozenge. It is huge claims fill. Louise Hooper is unsurprised by this, but thinks that it does not invalidate the considerable logistical achievements of Father Christmas and his team of delivering gifts to children around the world in such a short space of time. So what if he's pumping animals full of EPO steroids and on occasion cocaine says Louise, big deal, he's got a job to do and the reindeer is look amazing. Jack Bennett can curse with Louise. Yes, it might be against the rule says Jack, but who's losing out here? It's not like he's undermining the whole credibility

of a competition by fiddling the salary cap so he can employ more and better reindeer than his competitors. Tom Gates reckons that he is probably doing that as well, however, or most certainly says Tom, you think the likes of Prancer, Blitz and Donner go through all that just for the glory and the public adulation, wake up people. But Sarah Sen says, I don't care, as long as I get my presence. Here endeth the lies. you