The Bugle - Buy lead and horny horses: Bugle 4082

Episode Date: October 5, 2018

Andy and Hari try to make sense of the Kavanaugh situation in the US, celebrate Bugle success in the subcontinent and celebrate female physicists.With@HelloBuglers@HariKondabolu@ProducerChrisMore episodes and info on our website: http://thebuglepodcast.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Dancelaguard fans, you will be thrilled to know a book is coming out if you fund it via Unbound. We are publishing the Dancelaguard Reader by Alice Fraser and Dancelaguard, a glorious insight into the world of Dancelaguard, self-published romance maven, and online bestseller. If you would like to find out how to support it, go to thebugelpodcast.com. If we get enough support, we will publish the book. That's a real thing that's going to happen. Thebugelpodcast.com to a real thing that's going to happen. TheBuglePodcast.com to support the Danciler Guard Reader. The Bugle, audio newspaper for a visual world! Hello, Viewblers, and welcome to issue 4,082 of the BUGLE turns out after all these years

it's pronounced burglary, but I'm not going to even try to say that out loud. I am Andy Zoltzmann, and if you don't believe me, this is my verbal passport. Andrew Zoltzmann, United Kingdom, 6 October, 19 September. Never you mind, it's not the likes of Discussive Comedians age. New Zealand, New Zealand, New Zealand, New Zealand, New Zealand, New Zealand, New Zealand, New Zealand, New Zealand, New Zealand, New Zealand, New Zealand, New Zealand, New Zealand, New Zealand, New Zealand, New Zealand, New Zealand, New Zealand, New Zealand, New Zealand, New Zealand, New Zealand, New Zealand, New Zealand, New Zealand, New Zealand, New Zealand, New Zealand, New Zealand, New Zealand, New Zealand, New Zealand, New Zealand, New Zealand, New Zealand, New Zealand, New Zealand, New Zealand, New Zealand, New Zealand, New Zealand, New Zealand, New Zealand, New Zealand, New Zealand, New Zealand, New Zealand, New Zealand, New Zealand, New Zealand, New Zealand, New Zealand, New Zealand, New Zealand, New Zealand, New Zealand, New Zealand, New Zealand, New Zealand, New Zealand, New Zealand, New Zealand, New Zealand, New Zealand, New Zealand, New Zealand, New Zealand, New Zealand, New Zealand, New Zealand, New Zealand, New Zealand, New Zealand, New Zealand, New Zealand, New Zealand, New Zealand, New Zealand, New Zealand, New Zealand, New Zealand, New Zealand, New Zealand, New Zealand, New Zealand, New Zealand, New Zealand, New Zealand, New Zealand, New Zealand, New Zealand, New Zealand, New Zealand, New Zealand, New Zealand, New Zealand, New Zealand, New Zealand, New Zealand, New Zealand, New Zealand, New Zealand, New Zealand, New Zealand, New Zealand, New Zealand, New Zealand, New Zealand, New Zealand, New Zealand, New Zealand, New Zealand, New Zealand, New Zealand, New Zealand, New Zealand, New Zealand, New Zealand, New Zealand, New Zealand, New Zealand, New Zealand, New Zealand, New Zealand, New Zealand, New Zealand, New Zealand, New Zealand, New Zealand, New Zealand, New Zealand, New Zealand, New Zealand, New Zealand, New Zealand, New Zealand, New Zealand, New Zealand, New Zealand, New Zealand, New Zealand, New Zealand, New Zealand, a Shakespeare day today, and they're doing pretty well, a couple of decent sonnets out on this week if not a full play. One, all about the joys of shitting on your hand and eating it, and it's good to see them having a confidence to get a little bit autobiographical, even if it's not strictly Shakespearean in tone for the purists. And I have the shed to myself, not just myself, but also my collection of pre-war cricket memorabilia, and the restless ghosts of failed

jokes. Joining me from the absolute epicenter of the American universe, in other words the USA, but more specifically from Washington DC, which has seen its 2-0 lead in most assassinations of American presidents whittled down since 1901 to a two-all school line versus the rest of the USA. Joining us once again after far too long a break, it's the wonderful Harry Kondabalu. Hello Andy, it's really nice to be back under Buglay. I just want to pronounce that I want to be culturally sensitive, is it Buglay? It's best that you just don't even try to say it. That's all I found.

We also, by the way, have Chris listening in from a secret pod bunker somewhere in Podcastland. Hello Chris. Hello! Now turn to that, we were in India at the same time. Yeah. Last week, as I was in Mumbai last week, you were there as well, and we'll touch on why you were there later in the show, but I completely gave up attempting to pronounce any, any Hindu words or names because I'll just make an absolutely horrific mess of it. And given the slight imperial baggage that I have as a British person in Indra, I figured it was best just to essentially keep silent. Yeah, I mean, yeah, keeping silent would be the good thing because the thing is that every time you talk,

it's just a memory, a very painful memory. I mean, luckily you've also set things up where you can communicate wherever you are pretty much. Yes, that was a good planning on the part of the Brits. It was basically the entire history of the British Empire can be interpreted as a long-term plan by Britain to ensure that we never had to learn languages. Well, well played. It's just not a national skill that we have. And it's been a few months since you were lost on the bugle.

How is America doing at the moment? You know the answer to that. We all know the answer to that. I feel there was a campaign a few years ago called, it gets better. Are you familiar with that campaign? Oh, I recall the nine. Yes.

Well, it gets better was meant primarily for gay and lesbian and trans teenagers to let them know it gets better But it also extended to a larger sense of to young people who are getting bullied like it gets better everything gets better I think we lied to the kids. I think we lied to the children. It does not get better. It gets dramatically worse I feel terrible about I've told so many children it gets better and it's, I'm a liar. I'm a liar Andy. This is terrible. Okay. But maybe it's, you know, you don't want to rush into getting better. Because, you know, if you get better when things haven't got as bad as they can possibly get you don't really feel the benefit of the difference between the absolute pits and when things have got better. So you've got to let it absolutely tank as far as you can possibly let it go

without a full armageddon breaking out and then when it does get better it feels all the sweeter. Is that how you live your life? Yep. That's the famous saying. They say the darkest hour is right before the dawn. I mean, at what point in the Trump era of America are we with regard to darkness of ours? Well, it's always unclear because of the nuclear threat. Right, right, because that could be imminent, we could be, you know, imminently dark, or we might have a few months, but I'm gonna, you know, people will you mean a few years? No, I think we're done by the end of the year.

Okay. Oh my goodness, by the end of the year. Yeah, and you know what, I welcome it. I've made this point before, as long as we all go out together It's really the only time human beings as a whole have I've truly been equal Right when we all perish together in a nuclear catastrophe and There's something beautiful in that that there is something beautiful

So you're essentially saying that's global armageddon is the logical endpoint of Karl Marxist theories of human existence. Correct. There was two ways of going about it and one way required a great deal of revolution and change and discomfort and The other is a quicker solution. It's kind of like When you have to get something done so you have to get a paper done for school, you can either put in all the work and just strain and strain and strain and stress yourself out and get it done or you could drop the class. And we're

dropping the class and I think that's the best thing for us. I mean, look, it's not looking good for God. After the humans go, he'll be over too. You know, that's kind of the numbers aren't looking good. I'm sure he's been keeping this going for a while. He knows this is going to fail, but he's sticking with it. Just like a relationship you know is going to end. You keep doing it until everyone hates each other. I'm going to eventually you end it and God is sticking to that plan. Right. I mean, he is notoriously inflexible. So I mean, it's kind of understandable. He would stick with something that maybe he formulated thousands of years ago,

as in they do his followers. followers. This is Buehwul issue, 4,082 we are recording on the 4th of October, Thursday the 4th of October. And on this day in 1511 was the formation of the Holy League, which involved arrogant, the papal states or Vatican blasters as they were known at the time, Spain the Holy Roman Empire, Henry VIII England, Rail Madrid and the Venice Nightriders, and there was some terrific action in the first few seasons of the Holy League, some truly sensational praying, some of the most intensive competitive Bible reading the fans could possibly wish to see. And while the way Bugle favourite Pope Julius II slammed up those babies into that font to christen them with your seconds left on the clock in the 15-14 final against Venice.

True class from the big pontiff. And on this day, in 2006, Wiki Leaks was launched. And to commemorate this historic 12th anniversary, we have a free leak of some confidential information from around the world, including the CIA is currently in deep cover in New Zealand seeking to replace the Jacinda Arden government with a puppet regime that will back an American military assault on Antarctica. Vladimir Putin is terrified of milkshakes and tennis star Novak Jokovych is in fact Elvis Presley. You heard him here first. Bugle 4000 and 82, which by coincidence is the number which if you type it into the electronic keypad of any hotel door in the world, it will open. That is the international door override code. Oh shit, I wasn't supposed to say that. No, no, they'll probably have to change it now.

I'm hearing that has now been changed. I was just wondering, Andy, if you gave out that door code access ahead of our European tour because you're expecting some visitors. Well you know showbiz is showbiz Chris. Our European tour is a two-date European tour. Hopefully we'll be followed by a longer European tour at some point in the in the future and hopefully some American Bugles. Next year and even some Indian Bugles, who knows? Keep your eyes on this audio space. I mean your ears. The European tour, if you're listening to this in time, 7th of October in Manchester, 8th of October in Dublin. Also, 482 is the number of sleeps between now and 7th of December, 2029.

It took me 40 long to work that out. The date on which William and Kate are currently scheduled to have their 13th child at which point we'll be selling off the Royal Babies at £100 million per Prince stroke princess. It will basically be the only thing keeping our economy afloat by then. I'm sick of those people living after system. Are there kids? Yeah, well, that's basically what we were. We were founded on the idea of, I mean, people talk about, you know, the overdependence on the welfare state and I blame the queen. The queen has said a very bad example for this. The original welfare queen. Exactly.

As always, a section of the bugle is going straight in the bin and well it's a award season at the moment more on this later in the show and we've just received the shortlist for the fictional non-fiction book of the year and some outstanding entries in history by Professor B. N. Carboretto when Harry met Stally about the meeting between Harry S. Truman and Joseph Stalin. Rabbi Elson Ormuclute was Jesus a terrapin, fairly self-explanatory. Julian and Barrel Plugfields, a history of flobbing, changing morays in public expectation. And Dr. Ian Mildreds, bubonic plague, why the 14th century black death was a German hoax, terrific travel book nominated by Ursula

Froult, Boeing Boeing to Babylon through Persia on a Purgostick, and in the science category by various authors, why benches work, writings in the science of sitting, and by Kevin Hercules, Mosquitoes and not Muslims, myth-busting, unpopular conceptions. Couple of outstanding business books have attracted the attention of the judges this year as well by Sir Locke in Jaffa Lee, Profit Penguin, How to be Ice Cold, but stay grounded, and E-Lock Pontex, Dinging for Eggs, failed adventures in chicken mining, and just a couple of sports books also on the shortlist WQ, Marvel, Flagguard, Losing for Life, How plummeting down a hill on a tray every day can improve your self-confidence. And an outstanding new book from Killagon Jelps, another loss for the weeping lemon

nominative determinism in professional wrestling. So we'll announce the winners as soon as we hear them. That section in the bin. Top story this week and Harry, it's been an interesting time for the American patriarchy over the last couple of weeks with the hearings into Judge Kavanaugh and his alleged wrongdoings as a teenager. And it's raised some very interesting philosophical questions amidst the welter of frankly appalling behaviour by largely American white men. Including the question, if a man cannot sexually assault someone as a teenager and still

expect to hold public office at some point in the future, when on earth can he do it? Oh, that's a very fair question. It's one that many of us have been grappling with over the last few months. The answer, of course, is apparently it was a trick question. Your question was a trick question. You should never sexually assault a woman. Oh, right. I mean, that really throws a spanner in the works of the patriarchy. Yeah. It was a tried and true strategy, but now no longer. But Donald Trump's reaction to this has been, I found rather fascinating because he was sort of praised for his dignity initially

and all these things clearly are on a relative scale and he was by reports absolutely dosed up to the eyeballs on decor and mozzolone, an artificial dignity enhancing steroid and anti-message and axazine which is a powerful male chauvinism suppressant. I mean absolutely dozed up, but and his responses to the case within the context of Trumpian behavior were relatively, they were like King Solomon, calmly dividing the final sandwich of a picnic between his squabbling children. A very impressive effort from a man who is of course on record as overtly advocating sexual assault. But inevitably, he lapsed. Asshore his night follows day, asshore his headache follows running headfirst into a concrete lamppost. Asshore his shit follows food, Donald Trump lapsed. And as the old saying goes, a leopard can only

wear an all over polka dot bodysuit for so long until he rips it off and raw's captain spotty's back in town. And at a political rally in Mississippi, he mimicked Dr. Ford and another extraordinary display of his trademark taunting wieselry from the Beethoven of Borishness. I don't know. I don't know. What neighborhood was it? And I don't know. Where's the house? Upstairs downstairs. Where was I don't know, neighborhood was it and I don't know where's the house? I don't know Upstairs downstairs where was I don't know but I had one beer. That's the only thing I remember

How come every single one of them of his impression sound like him? He's very bad at impressions. They all Jeb Bush sounds like him Hillary Clinton sounds like him. He pretty much just does him. He's a one trick pony. Yeah. I mean, you leave a pony in a shed and then return to the shed in a week. It's going to be absolutely horrific. Even in Republicans were appalled by his latest efforts, Jeff Blake, described it as kind of appalling. Senator Lisa Murkowski from Alaska said the president's comments mocking

Dr. Ford were wholly inappropriate and in my view unacceptable to which Trump responded by punching the air and shouting, yes, mission accomplished, bulls eye, bang on the button, middle stump cartwheeling out the ground, maybe not that one. That was basically just playing directly to that core element of obviously. And I guess we need to see it in the context of the political situation in America, the midterms are approaching just what's a month or so away now. And it's very important for Trump to appeal to those key marginal voter groups like misogynists, f**kwits, sexual assault fans and general non-specific shitheads. Also, if you remember, women are only half a vote

in this country. Oh yeah, no, that is important to remember that, isn't it? That's something he's kept in mind throughout this. Like, hmm, good thing women's votes only count as half a vote, otherwise I could possibly be in trouble. This could be a terrible mistake for my party. If the math was not working in my favor, he was asked, hurry, whether he had a message to men. And you know, as a man, I hang on his every word and you know, it's very important that

someone somewhere puts the view of middle-aged white men. And he said this, he said, it's a very scary time for young men in America when you can be guilty of something that you may not be guilty of. This is a very, very, very difficult time. Now, I mean, it's not new, of course, for men in America to be accused of something untrue. Some, for example, have been accused of being guilty of, for example, not being born in the USI and therefore being ineligible to become president and, or indeed, Mexicans just being accused of being rapists collectively. So, still, it's something that Trump has done some, some intensive research into men being accused of something they haven't

done. Yeah, I mean, if I heard that quote out of context, I'm like finally, a president who talks plainly about the failed criminal justice system and the fact that African Americans are imprisoned at a ridiculously high rate. But then I heard rest of it. And then I realized that we lived in the same world, we lived in moments earlier. Oh, don't says old as American politics itself. I mean, how come we... How can I mean, here's one... This is a basic thing, but everyone keeps calling this sexual misconduct.

They keep saying Kavanaugh was accused of sexual misconduct. He's accused of attempted rape. Like sexual misconduct, it almost sounds fun, like it almost sounds, it almost sounds like you were just a little naughty, you engaged in bad conduct, it sounds like, if it was an SNM situation, if I was a submissive and the woman was the dumb, if she said someone's been engaging in sexual misconduct.

Like it just feels way too pleasant considering what he's being accused of, which again is attempted rape. Yes, it's, he's not come out of it with kind of judicial dignity you would necessarily want from someone aspiring to the position that he has been put forward for. And I guess the police, it's hard to understand really. I mean, is he going to be nominated in the end? Is it going to go through, do you think? Of course.

I mean, you kidding me, of course. You know how this story ends. Of course. You know how this story ends. Of course. I hate the fact that like the women to sexual predator ratio will be three to two of the Supreme Court. Women are barely edging their natural predators. Just barely. That is an extremely depressing way of putting it. Well, that's what I do, Andy. That's the kind of comedy I engage in.

You knew that when you asked me to be on this podcast. I make people sad, Andy. But clearly, the political price for the Republicans control of the ethical values of the Supreme Court for a generation is way too great to allow a federal distraction such as ethical values to intervene. And it strives me, Hari, that the whole system for sort of filling the Supreme Court is completely baffling. It's sort of tiptoes that fine line between historic democratic tradition, patently obvious legislative madness,

and trainee level totalitarianism. And we in Britain, it's a lifetime tenure, isn't it? When you get a point, you're basically there for life. And we in Britain are not necessarily a nation to lecture people about giving prominent public figures a position in perpetuity. But at least when we do it, you majesty, we constitutionally prevent them from actually doing anything. So the coin is essentially just a lifetime bobble on our national Christmas tree. I mean, in addition to the accusation of attempted rape,

another reason, even though there really shouldn't be another reason why you shouldn't be on the Supreme Court, if that's actually a thing that's out there. I think another reason maybe he shouldn't be on the Supreme Court is his behavior was completely out of control during during the hearings Do the confirmation hearings he was very angry You could see his cards very clearly and I think the biggest thing is that a judge has to come off as not partisan

And it's hard to come off as not partisan when you claim that this is all part of a conspiracy that's being orchestrated by the Clintons. There's something about that which immediately strikes you as a little odd. You know, I've never heard another judge say that this is a part of a political conspiracy by the Democrats. And also, it's obviously not a political conspiracy by the Democrats. The Democrats do not have the ability to pull that off. Because there's some exists.

Yeah, well, also just the lack of cohesion, agreement. I'll give you an example of why I believe this. Donald Trump is president. So based on that, I don't think the Democratic Party is capable of any kind of conspiracy considering that they lost to a reality TV star. And also it leaves, seems to leave your political system slightly open to, well, to manipulation. Clearly, the balance of the political neutrality and the highest branch of your judicial system. It comes down to the chance of when Supreme Court judges happen

to die, happen to shuffle off, to bang their gaffles in the great courthouse in the sky. That's a bit weird, but also it's laying down the plot for an absolutely sensational TV series about a series of politically motivated serial killers who specialize in bumping off Supreme Court justices. That is a series I want to see. I mean, I feel like the better system is if the judges got to pick their colleagues, if someone leaves just because that's really more American than anything else. It's kind of who you know and it's like Ruth Badergins would be like, oh, I had a friend in law school, you have to meet them. And then, you know, you just kind of hang out. And you're like, oh, we're all really jelling here. This is a good situation.

It feels like a real, like, healthy, real world scenario. I mean, the TV show, you know, you want that kind of, you want someone to be the bad boy, you want someone to be the level-headed one. Like, I feel like they should you know pick who their colleague is and I think they would likely make a pretty good choice, you know because they're all judges and all you would think they would have good Judgment in picking the judge they want to Be a judge with them so you're saying you shouldn't leave it to

The personal whims of a president with absolutely no experience in the judicial system. Correct. It should be the personal whims of eight other people. I just want to, I just waiting for things to escalate to a situation where it's just somebody's niece. Someone's niece or nephew just got a position on the Supreme Court just because people are like, all right, I'm good. This whole concept of, with it, plenary power for the president, complete an absolute power.

I've got a hint of the Roman Empire about it, comes from a Latin word, including how did that end by the way? Yeah, well, basically people drinking liquid lead and having sex with horses, I think, from memory. I mean, that is edited highlights. That's a couple of businesses to invest in now. A lead business in a, you know, a sexually permissive horse business. That's it. If there is an economic message from this podcast, it is by-led and by horny horses.

And it's not just the Supreme Court, it's the whole idea of some presidential pardons and things like that. And I guess America, if you are wondering why your president appears to treat your precious democratic and judicial heritage like an over-indulged child, given a about an arrow and be a pro-itisming vase and told he can do whatever he wants because he's a special special boy, that might be your explanation because basically you've told the British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British British on yourself. Bugglers, you might need a lie down after this excellent show, but for those of you who do not have a Casper mattress, this will be a tragically inferior experience. As Casper owning buglers will no doubt tell you, their natural geometry has never been cradled so well. They will also let you know that that one third part of their life they spend in bed is

that much more comfortable than yours. I know from my personal experience of Casper mattresses that when you wake up after a night sleep on a Casper mattress you come up with even better cricket statistics and puns than if you've slept on a pile of forks. As well as three types of mattress they also make other useful bed related paraphernalia like sheets and pillows. Everyone likes pillows. Literally everyone likes pillows, even evil people like pillows. You can be sure of your purchase with Casper's 100-night, risk-free sleep on a trial. Get $50 towards select mattresses by visiting Casper.com slash Bugle and using the promo code Bugle at the checkout, Terms and Conditions Applied.

Just some breaking news coming from America, actually. President Trump, who will today announce a government investigation into whether women legally own their own wounds, is also reportedly considering introducing alongside the increasingly outdated judicial system, a new prejudicial system. The prejudicial system will pass preemptive judgment, rulings and offhand comments about cases which have not yet come to court. Trump will soon announce the first batch of Supreme Court pre-justices who will have the power to pre-judge legal issues which have not yet happened although their pre-rulings

will be restricted to events that may or may not occur within the next 65 years. In a parallel move alongside the right to give presidential pardons, the president will also now be entitled to dispense presidential convictions. He spoke lucky for Mr. Trump explained, it simply joins up the logical loop. If the president can let someone out the slammer because he feels like it, it seems to make constitutional sense for him to be able to lock someone up and throw away the key on a personal whim as well. It's what the founding fathers would have wanted.

And using his new prejudicial powers, Mr Trump is reportedly, poised to announce a conviction for James Comey for aiding and abetting the St Valentine's Day massacre, posthumous charges and a guilty verdict against John McCain for absconding from his post for five and a half consecutive years during the Vietnam War, an eight-year jail term for Hillary Clinton for witchcraft, a new gulag in North Dakota for journalists from CNN and the New York Times, and 12 years in the newly reopened Alcatraz a jail from when America was last great trademark for Colin Kaepernick for Unlicensed Nealing with Malice of Four Thought. Andy John McCain's dead. Are they going to dig him up and then imprison him? I would think so. I mean, you wouldn't put anything past which we live in uncertain times, Harry.

And the previous assumptions about how these things go out the window. I mean, in Britain, we have a bit of record for this. They dug up Oliver Cromwell and posthumously executed him. Is that true? Yeah, that is true. Really? Yeah. When the one man, when the one who had been reestablished,

they dug up the corpse of Cromwell. And I think they hung Drawn Cauter in it. But why my cheesies? What the f*** is wrong with you? I mean the whole guy fox thing I've always found very amusing, that alone, and not only the fact that they killed him the way they did but also the fact you all celebrate this with fireworks which is just mocking him from beyond the grave but that's just wow they dug him up and they they drew and quartered him yep and then what they buried him again well I think I think they stuck various bits, we were on various spikes around Britain. And his head ended up in a college in Cambridge, I think.

I don't know quite how it got there, but I mean, there are, I mean, I think there are probably bits of all of a cronwell still just lying around. I think there's one in a motorway service station on the M40. An empire, you had an Empire. How is that parcel? Well, we were building an empire at the time and it says this was the 1660. So it's gone at the time and we were passing on our values too, for example, the United States of America. That's why I don't think it's so ridiculous that this will re-acquire. a

Awards news now and some very exciting news reaching us just this week and that is that's a bugle star harry condo polo is the greatest comedian in India Congratulations, harry you are gq india's comedian of the year That's correct and they said there is little doubt that Harry Condo-Bolo is the wittiest, most insightful comedian of our time. Yeah, I'm glad they used the Carpioe sentiment. I mean, is there any doubt? I mean, they say little doubt. I mean, they're raising, just leaving a little gap open there for the rest of us.

I mean, it was kind of remarkable. My initial thought when I was named for this was someone cancelled. But clearly as a comic, I have no shame and I agreed to do this. I got there. Everyone was an incredibly famous Bollywood star. The thing is, as an American, I did not know any of them. I did not know who any of them were. So it's really strange when there's a bunch of incredibly

attractive famous people, each with like millions and millions of Instagram and Twitter followers. That's how you measure these kinds of things. Absolutely. And who people worship around the world. I had no idea who they were. I know the thing is at least I had interest. and uh... you know who people worship around the world i had no idea who they were i know the thing is at least i had interest

i don't think they had interest in me because uh... they wouldn't look at me right and that seems to indicate that they did not have much interest in my presence uh... there was other awards that were given uh... to different people who you know a lot of them were actors and writers, but mostly actors. It's very masturbatory. Everyone got a huge ovation. Then when it was my turn to accept my award and to give a speech, they did not clap. They did not clap, Andy. I felt that immediately. It felt like high school all over again. And then I gave the speech and I made them laugh. And then they clapped.

Because they're like, okay, he deserves it. This clown has amused us. But it feels good to be the GQ India comedian of the year, partly because I'm hoping this will lead to my parents, not telling relatives in India that I'm a lawyer. It might be good for them to finally be able to say what I do for a living. So that's extremely exciting. There was a time Andy when my brother actually was in a rap group. He was a height man in a rap group and I'm a comedian.

And so when they had to tell people in India, relatives in India what we did, they would say, our older son is a lawyer and our younger son is also still alive. But yes, a nice little award for a hard-to-bowl. Nice little award for Hurricane Ebola. There has been a female winner of the Nobel Physics Prize for the first time in five and a half decades. Donna Strickland was part of a team involving Arthur Ashkin and Gerard Muru, who won the nine million Swedish Kroner Prize for their work, dealing with beams of light, laser physics, and that is as far as my knowledge of that branch of science goes. And this shows you something

to worry about the place of women in science. Just recently, she was deemed not important enough to have a Wikipedia entry after someone attempted to put up a wiki pedia entry for her. And to put that in context, I have a wiki pedia entry of moderate size. And I mean, that shows you how low science is, and particularly women in sciences in the global consciousness. Partly, maybe scientists brought this on itself, the self-proclaimed experts telling us we can't live in space without

special kit or that if we eat nothing but burgers we'll get a sore tum tum. Let me live my own life science or that we can't or that we can't always get what we want. That was a famous research paper by Professor MP Jagger and Dr. K Richards 1969 that paper into the psychological impossibility of ultimate happiness in an acquisitive consumerist economy. It was part of a broader academic research project by Jagger and Richards entitled Let IT Bleed, advocating allowing the difficulties faced by the emerging but still infant information technology industry to play out so that whilst there may be commercial casualties along

the way, these would provide the learning experience that would facilitate the achievement of the full potential of modern technology. The collection, let IT blade also included a piece on the influence of the collaborative work of female cancer doctors and surgeons in the oncology departments of hospitals in Hong Kong and the Japanese city, Kitakyu Shoe, a paper eventually entitled Honkitt Honk Women. There we go, that's really what that was all for. Honkitt Honk Women. No, I got it, Candy. Yep, I mean, it was a long journey.

I felt bad because, you know, currently, you know, I'm in DC, you're in your shed in London. For the first time ever, we actually can see each other while we do this remotely, because there's a Skype setup. So I see you on a screen and usually I can just fake a laugh. And I got really self-conscious about he can see me not responding. And I feel phony faking it to his face. Right. Because normally I could fake the laugh while doing something else. Like I could just write something down with Andy. But it was harder today.

We just had Chris coming on the Skype call there with a look of pure evil in his face. Pure. Yeah, Hari, I have to look at this every week, Hari. I can't get away with that. Ah, ah, ah, ah, bloody lunacy. BAD DUNE Sport now and the UK is aiming to host the 2030 football World Cup if they can fight off rival bids from the likes of Las Vegas, Qatar, again the Cayman Islands and the Venetian in Macau, the world's largest casino, which favour is reportedly considering quotes for football reasons to spread the game to new areas

that have not hosted a World Cup before. We've never held a World Cup inside a casino, therefore it would be great for the ordinary people of the Venetian in Macau to be able to see great football as the world at first hand. It's going to be tough for Britain to win this contest, but it's all part of a larger scheme to attract between 40 and 60 major sporting events to the UK over the next 15 to 20 years. Count me in, as Britain desperately tries to distract itself from its post-Brexit slide into a chasm of irrelevance and recrimination. As Britain strides confidently forward into its glorious post-Brexit future as a beacon of hope for all humanity. What happened there? Carry on Mr. Zoltzman.

So 40 to 60 major sporting events. It's what we're all about. Count us in. And in America it's post-season time, Harry. In baseball, how did the Mets go this year? That's a very cruel question. That's basically like asking me, how's America doing? You know how it's doing. Right. The Mets dealt with a lot of injuries again this year. Did not have a particularly strong season. Apparently a key part of the game is not just pitching, but hitting.

Oh, what? And the Mets forgot that there's two parts. They did the pitching part of the game is not just pitching, but hitting. Oh, and the Mets forgot that there's two part. They did the pitching part quite well. Jacob DeGrom, their star pitch, I think, his area was 1.68 or 1.7, which is incredibly low. One of the greatest seasons of all time, but he had a losing record until the very end of the season because the Mets decided, well, this guy is so good.

I'm sure we can provide him with no runs and we'll still win, which proves to be false. You need to score at least one run to win. Right. So that was very difficult. Also, the Mets still paying Bobby Benea, a player that retired decades ago, but they create for those you don't know. The Mets at a certain point were signing these deals where if they wanted to get rid of a player instead of giving him a buyout, what they would do is they'd break the money into a bunch of small pieces and you'd get it over the course of 20 or 30 years. So let's say instead of a $5 million buyout, you'd get like 20 million over the course of 20 years, like a million a year, which intuitively doesn't seem to make

sense. Well, that's more money. But at this time, the Mets were in bed with Bernie Madoff. And they assumed that if they give Uncle Bernie the 5 million, he'll turn it into 10 million and the 10 million to 20 and the 40. And that's five million becomes you know a hundred million dollars They don't they didn't know how? They didn't know that they just gave it to this man who apparently is made of magic And as a result the Metz lost hundreds of millions of dollars have been a a third tier franchise in a city that has two tiers right there's two teams and

there that incredibly bad and bobby biny who has not again has not played since the late nineties early two thousand is still making one point three million dollars every season well the mets are not doing well and Andy. It's not going well. Right. But I mean, but Bernie made off, he'll be out, out of prison within what, 140 years to sort it all out. So I mean, it's, you just got to ride out, the difficult phase before he can come and clean up his mess.

I wonder if he still watches the playoffs. I wonder if Bernie made up his watching the Mets play this season while he's in prison like oh they could have used the money They needed another bat They could have used some more pitching. I'm man. This is the team. That's about 50 million dollars short Well, Bernie if you're listening in whatever part part of the American prison system you currently reside, do email us and tell us your advice for how to get the meds back on track. In other sports news, England's cricket tour of Sri Lanka begins next week and I will be part of the BBC's

Test Match social coverage of the Test Matches and the one-day international. So if you're a cricket fan, do tune into that. It'll be me talking about cricket with some other people who have played cricket to a considerably higher level than I have. And don't forget the live-buelled dates coming up if you hear this in time. 7th of October in Salford, I think there's a few tickets left for that 8th of October in Dublin. And 14th of November in London, I have a one-off stand-up gig in Toronto on the 20th of October and my end-of-year review shows at Soho Theatre from the 18th of December to the 6th of January. Hari, do you want to think to plug. Yes, very exciting news.

I'll be performing in London, December 3rd to the 15th at the Soho Theatre. I finally, I show up. I'm finally in town, December 3rd to the 15th. And also I'll be in Berlin. Do you have any German fans of this podcast? I do. There are a few.

We had some that flew from Germany to see our London life show. That's right. So they do, yeah. Oh, it's fantastic. Well, I will be in Berlin as well in late November, the 28th and 29th. Well, are you receiving the German comedian of the year award? Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah.

Now, so I have a bunch of tour dates coming up this year. This month, in fact, i'll be in florida uh... october fifth through the seven to be in tampa on the fifth fort lotterdale on the sixth in our lando on the seventh and if i survived those three dates uh... in florida i will be in chicago on october eleventh at thalia hall october twelfth in min at Pantages Theater, Columbus, Ohio on the 23rd of October, Providence, Rhode Island on the 24th of October, Boston,

Massachusetts on October 26th at the Wilbur, which you're familiar with. And I believe that's when I last saw you. And New Brunswick, New Jersey on the 27th of October and then we close out the American touring calendar in Hamden Connecticut, which is near New Haven in Hartford at the space ballroom. So I'll be all over America again pending that I'm not killed in Florida. You can find all those dates at hurrykundabolu.com as I've said before probably Google is your best bet just type in what you think my name sounds like and that you should be directed to a website hurrykundabolo.com but yes a lot of big Chicago Boston all over the

place Minneapolis. It's been a delight to have you back on the show there will be a less big gap before Horie's next appearance. It will be in two weeks time on the 18th of October. So I do tune into that. Next week we will have highlights of the live bugle shows from Manchester and Dublin featuring Alice Fraser and David Odocherti. Until then, bugleers, goodbye. Music