The Bugle - Covidioms, Carson and the Hand of God

Episode Date: November 28, 2020

Andy is with Hari Kondabolu and Aditi Mittal to discuss words of the year, Hindu nationalism and Maradona.Buy a loved one Bugle Merch for Xmas - bobble hats, scarves and HAGOW T Shirts are on sale!We have a sister show, The Last Post, which you can hear here. Follow us on YouTube or Insta and see parts of this episode with actual video.The Bugle is hosted this week by:Andy ZaltzmanHari KondaboluAditi MittalAnd produced by Chris Skinner LISTEN TO BUSH'S BOARD GAME THING Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Dancelaguard fans, you will be thrilled to know a book is coming out if you fund it via Unbound. We are publishing the Dancelaguard Reader by Alice Fraser and Dancelaguard, a glorious insight into the world of Dancelaguard, self-published romance maven, and online bestseller. If you would like to find out how to support it, go to thebugelpodcast.com. If we get enough support, we will publish the book. That's a real thing that's going to happen. Thebugelpodcast.com to support the Danciler Guard Reader. A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A- Audio newspaper for a visual world! Hello, Bughlers! And welcome to issue 4175 of the Bughal Audio newspaper for a visual world that is Friday the 27th of November in the year that simply refuses to end ahead of schedule. I'm Andy Zoltz and reporting to you live from London, the city where angels fear to tread largely because they're not sure exactly what the current COVID regulations are and don't understand what they'll be next week when lockdown 2 ends.

And it's replaced by the definitely not a lockdown restricted freedom 3-2 special and frankly they've just given up. I'm specifically in my shared where angels also fear to tread because generally it's a bit messy, there's nothing much of interest for angels, I'm basically angel proof and they're generally, if I remember the Bible correctly correctly not interested in old cricket books. Special thanksgiving greeting for American listeners, happy, well happy, thank for that's giving after what's happened over the past month. And joining me for this week's bugle from a collection of two of the world's most famous continents, Asia and the one Canada's on. Firstly, from Mumbai India, it's a

DTMIT, a DT welcome back, welcome back to the Beagle, how are you? Thank you so much, Andy, I'm so happy to be here. I had a foot surgery recently and I am currently so high on a cocktail of pain killers. And this is the first time I'm recording the Beagle in the same state that I'm only listening to the Beagle. I'm it higher. I'm just, I assume you just read high on the natural pain killer that is listening to the beauty, which is actually used in addition to the over 130 countries under the World Health Organization of the Opposition. I was an anesthesia as well.

Yeah, I was. That's basically what I've attempted to do through my comedy career Seeing people into a deep sleep and nothing can be felt or heard and joining us also for the first time since giving birth Team effort from New York City USA. It's Harry Condomolu Thank you, and I should tell you that my partner did do most of the work Such as pushing the child out, carrying the child, currently feeding the child. You run point by to like, yeah, somebody has to organize the thing. Somebody has to give instructions.

I mean, push, push, wasn't for me then what? They'd be cute, be 12 pounds inside of right now. I just want to clear up a rumor, a couple of rumors that I haven't been on the bugle for a long time because there's a personal issue between you and me that is absolutely untrue. It is because we just had my partner, Jocelyn and I just had a child, right? And also, you know, some are saying that because my podcast politically reactive is back with W. Kamau Bell, I decided not to make any time for the bugle,

and the only reason I'm on this week is that we're in an off week from that show. And I know a lot of people are saying that, but I want you to know it is not completely accurate. So what are the, what are the, what are the slight, slight inaccuracies in that? Get, just get back to me on it. Get back to me on next time. Yeah, I'll, I'll, I'll, look, just give me some time and I'll, I'll come up with more well-rounded lie the next time. Right, okay. Have you got any parenting tips from me your first couple of months of parenthood?

No, no. No. I know. Is trying to drown out the baby's crying by screaming a good strategy? Well, it's not flawless. I mean, there's something to be said for it. I just not sure that long term,

it's something that you want to get stuck with for the next 18 years. But, you know, it's a, I mean, it's essentially that's how American politics works. So maybe that's an American parent. You should give it a go. Anyway, I said where? I said where!

I mean, I think that's just basically summed up the last four years. Was that the presidential debates? I mean, well, something like that. Well, sometimes. I mean, there's something I use as well someday. As always, a section of the Bugle is going straight in the bin. This week, Advent calendars in the bin, it's the 27th of November, so I'm no doubt you're all sitting excitedly by your Advent calendars. Waiting for the 1st of December, we've got a couple of free Advent calendars to give away to you on this week's Bugle in the bin firstly from Zua Logix.

You, Hisenhers, grow your own zoo advent calendar, mammal addition, in the for her side of the advent calendar, 24 ovums from different mammals from around the world, and on the for him side, 24 vials of sperm. All tastefully presented behind the numbered doors of a major themed reversible Christmas scene complete with 24 test tubes to grow your embryos in. You begin with the gerbil on the 1st of December and work out the food chain via the likes of platypuses, goats and elks before you create a mighty lion on Christmas Eve which, if all goes well, should pop out just after Easter. Just quick disclaimers, eulogics cannot be held responsible for any animal successfully lion on Christmas Eve, which Fulgur's well should pop out just after Easter. Quick

disclaimer, zoologics cannot be held responsible for any animal successfully birth. Do not begin breeding programme unless you have space in your home for a minimum of 24 additional mammals. Make-entained twins or full-litters do not crossbreed no matter how much you want to see a giraffe dolphin cross. Also available from zoologics, the insect edition now with anti-swarm Technology, and the fish edition complete with a build your own 800,000 gallon, half and half fresh and saltwater home aquarium. Also in the bin the Bugle Pessimism Advent Calendar, 24 pieces of gloomy resignation to listen to one a day, the first 24 days of December, as you contemplate the inevitable failures of humanity and yourself

to get yourself through to another Christmas. Here are the first six days to get you started with your audio pessimism advent calendar. December the first. Those bologna as I planted in the garden will probably be trampled on by next door's cat and then die before flowering. December the second. I'll never find that watch I think I lost in the park but might have just lost under the bed. December the third, all meaningful arts will crumble under the crushing weight of modern technology and free market economics. December the fourth, democracy is functionally dead. December the fifth, the planet is almost certainly doomed anyway regardless of what we belatedly do for the environment now. And December the 6th,

Roger Federer might retire in 2021. Well, if we hit that on the 6th of December, God knows what the 24th is going to be like. Anyway, it's great in the beginning. Oh, I've, sorry, I've got an anniversary at all. We are recording on the 27th of November on this day in 1839 in Boston. Massachusetts, the American Statistical Association was founded. The American Lys Association and Breakaway American Dandelys Association took unsuccessful legal action to try to shut the American Statistical Association down, but did not work. Since the founding of the American Statistical Association, the number of statistics in America has risen by an average of 3.2% per annum. In 1895 on this day Alfred

Nobel signed his last Will and Testaments, setting aside his estate to establish the Nobel Prize after his death also in his will. He left less well-known bequest to this day, continue to fund the Eurovision Song Contest, Rare of the Year and the Golden Bucket Award for most publicly vomiting celebrity. And we also have a special worst November the 27th ever award and the nominees are from 1911, the actors at a New York production of Playboy the Western World by the Irish playwright James Singh, who were vegetable heckled in a protest. What the audience perceived as insulting stereotypes of Irish people, the audience hurled potatoes, other vegetables, steamed bombs, and then more potatoes at the actors

that were ten arrests, and the police became involved. But was that a worst 27th November than that suffered by by Zantine Emperor Morris in the year 602? And he was forced to watch five of his sons executed and was then beheaded himself. This week's winner, no contest, Morris takes it. I mean, that's a, that is a bad, that is a bad day in anyone's book, isn't it? It's like somebody had 20, 20 in a whole day. Like this. Top story this week. Language in 2020. The Oxford English Dictionary has found this year as difficult as everyone else. And for the first time it has been unable to choose a single word of the year describing 2020

which cannot be neatly accommodated in one single word. And while surely this summarizes everything about the confusion of this shittest of years, I mean as the great ancient Greek historian Thucydides himself once wrote, you know a year is a pile of irredudimable shit when it can't be summarized in a single word. Well the sound for this year is definitely... To summarize everyone's year, I think that fart noise is appropriate, and also because I have a child I've heard that sound a lot. So I think that is the perfect summary of 2020 for Prol

involved. You know, honestly, and what I'm really shocked at is that Oxford is not able to choose a word of the year. You know what that is? That's my choice of the word of the year. It's unprecedented. I would like to nominate the word is the word, it's unprecedented. I would like to nominate the word unprecedented.

It's one of those words that if I hear it one more time, something very unprecedented is going to happen. I have a history of the word. And the other word, I thought of also a few phrases, one of which was, youon Nuke, which could definitely be as Chris nods Nukely on Nuke. That was one of my other choices. Another choice that I thought was this could have been an in-in for the phrase of 2020.

There was also the word pivot, pivot, because I thought I heard it used in a non-physics context for the first time in my life. And I think we've done that thing where at the beginning of the pandemic we've pivoted and then we're pivoting back again. So now we're in the same place that we started with lockdowns and stuff. And so yeah, those have been, there's also of course the few that really came up to me, like COVID influencer, someone who is a super spreader, you know, of the COVID didn't know they had it and then gave it to everybody. And then of course there was the COVID-19, which was a series of words that government officials

have been putting in press releases to blame their blatant incompetencies on the occurrence of COVID instead of acknowledging that the pandemic revealed deep structural inequalities that needed to be addressed irrespective of us having a pandemic or not. I think that might take it actually. I think if Oxford could make a decision again, I would listen to listen into that Aditi, I think they would go with that. The president of Oxford Dictionaries is someone called Casper Graffval, who's obviously made up. He's obviously made up, he's escaped from fiction Elon Musk's style in Graffval's case from a Harry Potter novel. He said, it's unprecedented and a little

ironic in a year that left us speechless that 2020 has been filled with new words, unlike it, a year that left us speechless. That made me think actually, if only that were true, if no one had said anything this year, Harry, would we be in a better or worse state? Now and would have affected the American election election if no words had been spoken. Yeah. And the written form has been around for quite some time and a variety of ways to share information without the use of one's vocal chords. So yeah, it would have been the same. Yes. And I mean, if no one had said anything, there would be less vocal spray unless spreading of the COVID. Exactly. I mean, I think that was one of the British government

government companies going to three free phrase slogans. And I think one of them was shut up, shut up, shut up. Shut up, shut up, shut up. So... Ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha dates back to Norman Times, a bit of faxier, from the 1066 Norman Conquest, after which the Doomsday book, written in 1086, revealed high levels of unemployment due to the tapestry industry shifting to Bayer on the French mainland, Britain was largely a tapestry-based economy up till then. And King William received a report from the author of the Doomsday book, Monsieur Dumis D, tends to be the name of the book, about the need to support those who furlough the employment ladder. That's the influence of the French language.

No, mailing, mailing, that's another word of the year. I mean, this is how democracy advances are. It's a huge influence of main votes in the American election. It just shows how quickly democracy advances that a mere 160 plus years after the invention of the postal service, we're finally properly incorporating it into the... I mean, just wait, we will all be voting on our smartphones as soon as the year 2184. Did you vote by postal or them? I did vote by post. I have no idea whether the vote was counted but it was sent and just just one or in many different states or you know did you get you a newborn infant here's the thing if I joke and tell you I voted in every state

the election will be over time at this point point, that is that he's looking for an opening. Desperately Trump is looking for some opening and a random comedian on a political podcast jokingly saying he voted in every state would, it would avoid the election. The election would be avoided. He really sounds like he's full of himself. Very good. You know on this show you're never going to get criticized for a comment like that. other words on the Oxford list of the many words of the year include conspiracy theory. It's been a bumpy year for conspiracy theories, but quantity does not always equal quality. And I guess it's inevitable that as a conspiracy theorist churn out their stuff to meet increasing demand, it's not a Hollywood film, doesn't it? The standards going to drop off. They're just hacking out. Queue a non-level builds. There's no craft, no debt,

not even a shred of plausibility, no real proper narratives. It's a real shame to see what's happened to that once great industry. Anti-mask, that's, I mean, that used to refer to people who hate ancient Greek drama or a new tech device that makes your face, or a new tech device that makes your face super expressive

that betrays all your inner thoughts by enhanced eyebrow wig-legion and mouthful muscular muscular, oh that made up word got out of control. Moon shot or as the alarm's wrong used to call it selfie, that's another word. And interestingly the word of the year in 2019 was climate emergency. Now that of course was two words leading to a lot of early betting on the 2020 word of the year before COVID really struck being irritated, penance, hyphenated. But climate emergency must have really fancied its chances of being the first word to retain the word of the year title, but little Victoria virus totalled long and screwed everything up. So it's been interesting and this word of the year is quite a new thing I only began in 2004 before which humanity was still laboring under the misapprehension

that the activities of an entire planet and its people deserve more than one f***ing word. But they have now back dated the word of the year. Some highlights from history include a 1 AD, MIR, which is an archaic form of our modern net. 32 AD, Abracadabra. 1916, Ouch. 1776. UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU 69 look at the flags for heaven's sake. They're moving in the wind 1348 goddamn rat 1939 not again 1855 oh, mercy 1865 we apologize for the unscheduled intermission in tonight's performance 1536 painful breakup 1996 no digady 1877 test match cricket 1512 what the f*** you've done to my ceiling 2007 bugle 2004 BC, da da! And 2003 BC underpants.

So we know history covered. I think that there could be a bit of a rebound against 2020. I can see the word, Schmack-Sionation. And Schmack-Sionation. Going back against the vaccination and science. The phrase turns out it was a massive fraud after all expecting that to get a recent traction through the year

Julienal which is the adjective from Juliani. I can see that Can see that pretty That's not a new word. That's not a new word. That's not my fellow bodhuntal. Unprecedented. And the phrase, unprecedentedly explosive tantrum by deprating president at an inauguration. I think that's a phrase that we could hear. In other language news, the Austrian village of fucking is changing its name. As if 2020 couldn't get any worse.

The world's greatest village fucking as featured in bugle issue 191, as announced that it is going to be changing its name fundamentally because humanity is too childish. It is sick of being lampooned for its name. But this is the worst thing that can happen. We need all the happiness we can get. Do we not at the moment? And it's changing his name from fucking to fucking disappointing all fans of rude words. This is a real bloat to all humanity, Hori, I would say. Well, it's better than the runner-up name that they came up with, which was Flasid Town. I thought, you know, in terms of the evolution

of the town's name was appropriate. Right, you know. That's a TV miniseries call that coming out. I think the makers of Westworld, put together some place where you can go to have your impotence dealt with. Anyway, there have been many towns like this that have had to change their names due to English speakers having fun at their cost. So there was of course, Connell English, Pencilvania, which became funneling this Pencilvania,

and that didn't change anything about it, just like called Fugging, is going to change nothing about this. The name of the village probably dates from the 11th century, well before sexual intercourse was even invented, of course. So you can understand the village is not thinking that far ahead. And of course at that stage in the word f***ing was merely a technical term for the,

from the world of carpentry, meaning inserting a screw or nail into a pre-existing hole. That interesting, they go, Helen, you're not the only member of the Salzman family, knows a thing or two about the origin of naughty words. But the fucking is, which is what the people of the village are fucking, apparently known as, soon to be fuckingers or fugsters or fuggles, have just five weeks left of being residents of the most admired village in the universe,

but they bottled it. They've elected to join the ranks of villages with only slightly amusing names along with the residents of Wongk in Germany, Nodgenhungry, and of course, Tisdeckl in Denmark. But it's really sad, really. And also rumors that the Canadian Union of nautical technicians are considering changing their name to the Canadian nautical technicians union. And it's sort of course, the remaniscent of the rebranding of the now defuncted airline TWA, Transworld Airlines, a corporate name in many ways well ahead of its time in hindsight, which was known up until 1950 as Transcontinental and Western Air, after dropping the word transport from its name following an emergency board meeting in 1930, a day after it was formed.

American News Now, and it's pardoning season, Harry Donald Trump, your president for the next either few weeks or four and a bit years. I believe what you mean is the president, the president, but the next. That's not pre-judge the legal process. He's pardoned A, a Turkey, and B, Michael Flynn. I'm obviously just always an exciting time of the year, pardoning season.

Turkey must have been delighted. The Turkey was pardoned for what I believe is its only crime, which is being alive. I think that was the only thing it had done wrong. And the thing is, knowing Trump's character, that Turkey's dead. That Turkey was shot immediately after the photo. The Turkey knew too much. The Turkey was eating that night. That Turkey's gone. I mean, the Michael Flynn one is what was strange to me with the Michael Flynn story is how we decided to tell the world the news via Twitter. And did you have the tweet in front of you, Ben? Well, it is my great honor to announce that General Michael T. Flynn has been granted

a full pardon. Congratulations to General Flynn and his wonderful family as if it's a great achievement. A full, you know, it's certainly like winning the master's golf or a Nobel prize. I mean, congratulations for the great achievement of, I don't know, knowing too much. You're saying it all. Right, essentially, congratulations for dodging a bullet that the person who pardon you shot in the first place.

Right. Right. I mean, it's basically, this is something Trump's done his whole life. There's going to be a tape actually released later this week, which I can't tell you more about, but I do have exclusive access to, but he does say in the tape, it was a false positive. You don't have herpes. Congratulations to you and your wonderful family. So he does have a track record with this kind of thing.

I mean, we've talked about this before, I think, and I'll show you around about how strange this convention of presidential pardons is. It does give off a bit of a sort of crime is fine vibe. Wouldn't it make logical sense if, as well as overturning the crimes of the guilty, the president himself was also entitled to go on a weak long crime spree, just to get it all out of his system? Well, I think that is what's going to happen, because he wants to pardon himself. Yeah, that's what we all soon will happen, even though you can't pardon yourself before you're

charged with a crime, right? If you do it preemptively, it sets a very dangerous precedent. What you're basically saying is, I am now invincible. You cannot touch me. I can do whatever I want. I've been pardoned preemptively, which would lead to the first ever president slash serial killer, which, you know, look, he's broken a lot of ground, but that would be, that would be a new one.

Yeah. Well, I'll give Claire not read the new biography of William Howard Taft. I heard that he's going to pardon John Wilkes Booth, the man who killed Lincoln. Because he said there were good people on both sides. When he said the number of historical figures, Lee Harvey Oswald, he could get a Jeffrey Damer, Benedict Arnold, Hannibal Lecter, Steve Bartman, yeah, yeah, Lex Luthor, Vanity Smurf, Bigfoot and George III, could all be in line for for pardons from... Steve, the shemi in Air Force One, that guy was crazy, yeah?

I look forward to that pardon. You're gonna be pardon too for many your your puns, Andy. You can you can you can reenter the United States again. Yeah, I'm maintaining I mean, I'm not accepting a pardon because that would that would be me admitting that I was in some of my guilty. The Turkey, it was called Corn and was let off Scott Free from a rap list that included convictions for aggressive pecking whilst in possession of a beak, being feathery with malice of forethought, whottle waggling and impersonating a goose, as well as the usual Trump associate

stick of lying to the FBI tax fraud and bribery. So it's good, good, Turkey live to see another day. What are you doing? What are you doing for thanks for thanksgiving? Harri, are you? It's already happened, Andy. Oh, is it? Oh, yes. Have you ever got a Thursday full? It's ridiculous. We do. It's always the Thursday. It's always been the Thursday. Sorry. I forget. I'm a bit out of the loop. Quick, I just want to, just a small beef I have with a lot of friends who are brits over the years

when Thanksgiving is brought up. They'll say things like, oh, that's when you all celebrate the genocide you committed over a meal. And they refer to it as the genocide we committed and they seem to forget that we were you Genocide you committed. Oh, we heard we hear if Neil Australians now again if new America Beautiful about this like you know, I think. I think the genocide was what they took, like syphilis-infested blankets and gave them out to the locals and massacred them. It was smallpox, but yeah, there was a lot of intentional murder as well as them having

smallpox and spreading it quickly too. Immune systems, I couldn't handle it. But yeah, it was pretty... Yeah. Well, it was ages ago, and we have now toppled the statue of the smallpox virus that was very nice in every town in the early 20th century. You know, they still say very good things about it in our text books.

In other American news Ben Carson, former presidential candidate, of course, is well he's been a horror-your-our pillow industry correspondent and Ben Carson has apparently been taking pillow industry correspondent and Ben Carson has apparently been taking coronavirus advice from the person who set up the My Pillow Company. That is correct. Ben Carson is an actual doctor, by the way, the best kind of doctor. It's not like it's not an education doctor, but not no offense, but you know if I have a heart attack, the last thing I won is I have a doctorate in philosophy. That's not going to help me, man.

Well, not even like to see it come to some greater understanding of your place in the universe and the person that put life as you breathe your last. It's not going to help surely. But he's actually a medical doctor and he's taking advice from my pillow guy who somehow has an inside lane to the president and the cabinet which is stunning. And to be fair, his pillows are pretty good. I wouldn't say they're great, but they're pretty good.

However, if you've never used a pillow before, it's earth shattering. I don't know. It's a real paradigm shifter. If you've never used a pillow before it's earth shattering It's a real paradigm shifter It's really the whole thing is is very strange because Ben Carson wasn't just a medical doctor He was one of the greatest brain surgeons of all time Like it's not just that he was like he, you know, his gifted hands were discussed constantly. Like it was an extremely big deal. And yet whenever he talks, he makes brain surgery seem less impressive. It's so...

That is some achievement, really, when you put it in those two. Oh, absolutely. Like, you wouldn't imagine someone being a dumb genius. And that is exactly... Like, this is a man who once said that Jews could have prevented the Holocaust if they had guns. So, like, your first thought is, oh, this guy tried brain surgery on himself and it was a

gym in his field. What should have happened? I guess we may be just practicing at home one night. Right. Which is the only thing. What does this do? So my pillow guy, Mike Lindell, My pillow got Mike Lindell. It just slightly show how Covid has just sent the entire world off its rocker essentially because I mean you wouldn't get this happening with other illnesses. You know, you can design and market pillows, can't you? Yes, I can. Oh good. How do I treat gallstones? No, but with Covid, everything all traditional logic has gone out of the window. The MyPillow website also has currently, as I checked for the first time, a Sean Hannity special offer, which if you click the Sean Hannity special offer, you get 60% off a presumably special Hannity infused pillow, which guarantees not only a good night's sleep,

but also that you will wake up with reaction reviews on immigration, a pathological fear of social progress, in a sense that feminism is a communist conspiracy. So, that's got to, got to send you off to sleep here. Well, there's some validity in the idea that the common person has valid medical advice. What you are, and he is brainwashed

by these liberal medical universities who talk about their liberal science, wash your hands, wear a mask, don't spit or urinate into an open orifice during surgery. All these rules, bloodletting doesn't work. Leach is cure aids. Like all these, you're just, you're just buying into it, okay? The average person, just because they don't have a medical degree from so-called experts who are based in the knowledge of, based on hundreds of years of medicine. So what?

So don't, don't buy into the hype How does this my pillow guy sleep at night? I don't Sorry, but that's the joke of the show I'm 30 dollar pillow That's the best joke. On the $30 pillar, you know what? This would have been cast in songs like an Indian uncle. He sounds like a proper Indian uncle who will... Indian politicians are now doing this thing.

They are recommending cow urine for cancer curing. And you smell cow dung on your arms and you become fairer and stuff but the moment they get like even a mile hiccup They are the first ones to like fly to John Hopkins University It's crazy It's crazy Indian news now and Well, this is this is the interesting story a deity love jihad is it's the what the headliner that you you sent us for this you're

gonna fill in some of those intriguing gaps in those between those two words so jihad as Google tells me is the holy war against Islamism and love as is known in Indian context is something terrifying and young people should never be able to do it. And so what we've done now, the two biggest states in India, the most populated states in India have decided to pass a law combining those two words called the love jihad law, the love jihad law for Bids inter religious marriage, especially marriages between Hindus and Muslims are now punishable by law. And you know what actually I mean it's sort of keeping in trend with the rabid Islamophobia

that has been sort of now worldwide and India doesn't want to be left behind you know and so sort of just like you know we're leaving our Islamophobia print everywhere we've in fact managed to smear it in every industry like we have something called education jihad where now we are concerned about the higher the high number of Muslims who are showing up for civil service entrance exams. The understanding for love jihad mostly is that there are these really really really hot Muslim guys and these really really really dumb Hindu girls right and then they fall in love and then they make them convert and as a really really really

really dumb Hindu girl nothing would give me more joy. Then the piss off a bunch of cow piss peddling politicians and so I'd like to use this platform to put a call out to any I'm not even here for the looks, just any nice Muslim guy who likes to laugh, doesn't mind eating crisps in dead. And you know, would love to fuck around with Indian bureaucracy for a couple of years, please get in touch with me. Cause, you know, can I tell you the truth? It blows my mind to imagine.

Because right now, I mean, in Muslim men are under attack. Right? The daily steps of oppression always start with sort of attacking the men of the community. And so we had recently, what we call the triple talak law that went into, that was criminalized which meant that if you gave your wife or triple tal lock, then that was saying the lock, the lock, the lock. Divorced, divorce, divorce three times. Then you would be put in jail. This was formerly a non-jailable crime because nobody was s*** in the way.

But they decided to make this a jailable crime so that they could put away, you know, young Muslim men for substantial amounts of time, not giving a f*** about the actual Muslim women, the wives who would be left without the support of, because normally even after divorce, Muslim men are supposed to provide economic support to the women that they divorce, but when they're in jail, they're not going to be able to provide much. It concerns me that there are now, you know, like with this sort of a sort of Muslim men that actually just Hindu men are up late at night being like, why are they so hot? That's true.

How do you know? I find this a bit reductive, frankly because what's going to happen, we already India already has the highest population of Muslims in the world and so if there's no sort of interfaith marriage allowed, they're just going to keep marrying each other. The same thing is going to happen to the Hindus. It's just going to be a bunch of Hindus marrying within caste and within last name and within sort of the religion. And we're all at the end of the day, I think India is going to be a country of like 4.5 billion princels or vicious in reading.

And so yeah, I mean, these are sort of my, and because they have you know, it's so tragic and it's so, this thing because interfaith marriage does not even happen all that much. Like the, I look at the percentages, it is 2.2% to 2.9%. We are not even doing it that much. And so, I am an unworthy pandemic, the ages outside. I do not know, did I mention unprecedented times? I feel like we discussed it this year. I Can't believe that this is what we're making laws about I was I was obviously bummed to read about

The law and it's such a step backwards for progress for civilization But I was also bummed about the name love G. H. because it really But I was also bummed about the name Love G-Hod because it really like it'll force me to rename the Bollywood remake of Love Actually that I've been writing for some time now and It's like great. I had come up with the title before I wrote the script now Before we go, Bugal merch is available. New and expanded range featuring probably the greatest bubble hat in the history of human headgear. Christmas jump is what else, Chris? What else have we got on the site? We've got Bugal scar, big old scarves. Awesome. Scars.

Also by the scarve and bubble hat as one bundle for someone who you really love this Christmas. Right. And we've got half a glass of water t-shirts on sale too. Right. So that's all your Christmas presents sorted out. Any, anything to plug, um, any shows, uh, Haru, you did your plug right at the start. You got anything else?

Yeah, I don't f*** around, Andy. Politically, politically reactive is back every Thursday. New episodes mean W. Kamau Bell. Also, me and my brother's podcast, the Anti-Lacundable with Brothers podcast, will be out sporadically, but we do have an episode coming out soon. A DTNE, any shows or Netflix stuff?

My third stand-up special, Mother of Invention is on a Prime Video UK and Ireland, so if you are in that area be sure to avoid those two places and I will have the first episode of my podcast of brand coming out on the 12th of December. So if any of you are listening, listen, please. Just one other story, which we'll leave you with, is the death of Diego Maradona, the age of 60, the great footballer, the grim reaper like so many 1980s defenders has hacked Maradona down. And sure, Maradona, the way he lived, was looking for the foul. He's almost been goading the reaper to chop

him down like a shrouded and don't need goikachir for any bill, bail fans out there. And the surprise is that Maradona has not le left out of his coffin and started complaining to the ref, which was disappointing for his many fans. He was one of the most brilliant compelling individuals in the history of sport. If he was a fictional character in a sports film, you go very entertaining, but it's a bit overwritten on the whole Hackneyed Floor genius stick. But it's even so on the, I was watching CNN yesterday, and he got quite a lot of coverage in them and he said Maradona said I hate everything that ever comes out of America. I don't know much about Maradona, but I did hear that he had good hands.

Grand. I don't even like soccer. That joke felt good. That joke felt good. Too soon. And my favorite thing about the the Maradona story this week is that obviously the goalkeeper that he used his hand on was Peter Shelton. So Maradona was hated and Peter Shelton got a lot of sympathy and then Peter Shelton over recent years has emerged as a massive Brexit year. And so Peter Shilton started trending on social media over the last 24 hours. Mostly so, Remainers could call Peter Shilton a f***.

Before we play you out with some lies about our premium level volunteer subscribers, we will dig into the bugle archives for commentary of Maradona's greatest moment of individual skill, that unfathomably brilliant second goal scored with the correct part of his body against England in the 1986 World Cup quarter final. As heard on the bugle, back in 2010, courtesy of the BBC archives and their commentator in Mexico 86 per Nell Hinge. Maradona gets the ball now, that cheating little shit. What are you going to do? Punching in from commentator in Mexico 86 per Nell Hinge. He's up to a fendick now. Come on, Terry, put him in a body bag! F**king f**king s**t! Shetty's pos**king butcher as well! He's whacked him, Terry!

Just sh**t into the beat now! Take his f**king head off, f**king sir! I don't give a f**king piece of ass! F**king ruin him! Oh, boy, look at him saying... Oh, no, it's saying too low! Oh, I'll just remember to go by the little magician. Laurie McManamy, have you ever seen anything like that?

Walter F. had to disappoint a friend last week when the friend thought he'd discovered a new type of firework that neither makes a bang nor lights up, but stays in the air for much longer than a traditional firework and moves in more irregular patterns and is visible in daylight. Water told said friend as diplomatically as possible that what he had in fact spotted was a pigeon. Jeff Welder would like to see a breeding program to restore a wild griffin population to the world. Jeff explains the half-eagle, half-line, gold-haunting mythical beast would be a real tourist attraction,

as well as making some of today's more unimpressive, complacent, low-achieving creatures buck their ideas up a bit. I'm looking at you, co-awlers. Raise it. their ideas up a bit. I'm looking at you, co-alas, raise it." Jerry Egan and Joseph Serante, by the most fictitious of coincidences, both had elderly relatives who went to the same school back in the 1950s. Jerry's great uncle thought he'd busted open an international spiring when he heard the school cook on the phone saying, yes, of course, Stalin, I will make them crumble while stirring a pot of suspiciously lumpy custard. Joseph's great auntie herself overheard Jerry's great uncle reporting the suspicion to their

head teacher. She then made secret recordings of the chef for the next 12 months and came to the conclusion that the cook had probably in fact said, yes of course, darling, not yes of course, darling, while speaking to his wife, who was the kitchen manager and meal planner at the same school, and loved dessert, with a bit of fruit and a bit of crunch. Christoph Amula thinks there might be a possible movie in a story about a group of 1930s Soviet women ballet dancers forced to give up ballet because all the male dancers were sent to Siberia for dancing insufficiently comely.

They then form a troop to travel the USSR, expressing the glories of the collective through the medium of interpretative dance. The film would be called Stalin's darlings and would be harrowing, heartwarming and sexy in equal measure. And finally, Steve Jamison was once hypnotised as a child at a circus performance, as a result of which he was left with a lasting confusion for some reason between ornithology and endoscopy. This inevitably resulted in an extremely fractured school outing to a local bird sanctuary which featured Steve being sent back to the school bus for shouting,

not the pelican, please not the pelican, at a very high volume. Here end if this week's lies. To join the Bugle voluntary subscription scheme and make a recurring or one off donation to the show, go to the Buglepodcast.com and click the donate button. Goodbye. to the show, go to thebuegelpodcast.com and click the donate button. Goodbye.