The Bugle - Democramnesia - Bugle 4110

Episode Date: May 25, 2019

Andy is with Alice Fraser and Mark Steel with major breaking news from Britain. Plus, more elections, more idiots, and cricket. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Dancelaguard fans, you will be thrilled to know a book is coming out if you fund it via Unbound. We are publishing the Dancelaguard Reader by Alice Fraser and Dancelaguard, a glorious insight into the world of Dancelaguard, self-published romance maven, and online bestseller. If you would like to find out how to support it, go to thebugelpodcast.com. If we get enough support, we will publish the book. That's a real thing that's going to happen. Thebugelpodcast.com to support the Danciler Guard Reader. A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A Audio newspaper for a visual world. Hello, Googlers. This is issue 4,110 of the Bugle. I am Andy Zoltzmann, it's Friday the 24th of March 2019. And this is an emergency bugle.

We are just swearing distance away from where our Prime Minister here in the United Kingdom, the beacon of all of our hearts has just resigned. Just hours ago as we record, there is no section in the bin this week. To reason my husband has deposed herself in the bin in sacrifice for this. There are no anniversaries this week. This is the only date that counts in history, the 24th of May 2019, possibly be seen by histories the day when Boris Johnson's ascension to the throne became inevitable and nothing else will matter. More on this later joining me this week to pick over the bones of this latest development in the unending bout of political diarrhea that has emerged from David Cameron's horrific guts. Firstly here in London with me Mark Steele, welcome back. I'm very peculiar day.

with me, Mark Steele. Mark, how are you? I'm a bad deal on this very peculiar day. You're going to see a dear sad lamented departed leader. Yeah. The cried. Yeah. The cried a few minutes ago and she looked at an emotion got to her and it must be so, because I mean, it shows how emotion she must have any of the other story to be.

She didn't cry at all when she visited the survivors of the Grimple Tower. I shouldn't cry at all when she visited the survivors of the Grinthal Tower. I shouldn't cry at all over the wind rush, the accultations, the food banks, anything like that. But this has really got to really make you feel for all of those trifles into perspective. Although to be honest, I'm an if politician's did start crying at every disaster that happened, they would just be an unending delusional kiss. I guess some middle ground has to be honest, I'm a nif politicians did start crying every disaster that happened. They would just be an unending delusional tears. I guess some middle ground has to be struck. Also joining us from the safe distance of a hemisphere away, where there is no new prime

minister when there was possibly expected to be one. Australia, it's Alice Fraser. Yes, Andy. Hello, Mark. Hello, Andy. Hello, bugleers. Yeah, in the ongoing quest to make forever Brexit the new status quo, soon to be non-Primalist to Theresa May has announced

her escape from the office of person most held responsible for the progress or non-Progus of Brexit. I'm excited. Soon a new Prime Minister will plunge like a reverse phoenix into the ashes of democracy in class trembling hands around the poisoned chalice of a bad plan. Like, Major Arnold Ernst told the bad guy in Indiana Jones Redd is of the lost ashes of democracy in class trembling hands around the poisoned chalice of a bad plan like major Arnold Ernst tot the bad guy in Indiana Jones red is of the lost are. I think the melting faces at the end of that film that's basically a fairly accurate description of well that's all of us. One of them melted faces is going to be priming history in a couple of weeks. I mean you have to admire Theresa May because she's a woman

and also in the cascading champagne fountain of post surprise breaks a decision in the referendum her cup had the openness to mouth but truly I cannot wait for feminism to get us to a state of perfect equality so we can judge ambitiously boring windbags with delusions of admin on the content of their degraded character and not on the comparative distribution of flaps in their equatorial region. I just don't want to have to keep pretending people are interesting because they're women. That's beautiful. It's a vision for a fairer person.

I think she could have did sad thing with a resignation speech. She could have all of the damage she's done could all have been swept away if she'd done a proper resignation speech and she'd just come out and gone oh you fucking do it then go on then I've tried for three years and look at you wankers all of you I don't want that sort that's Norway something Canada there there there. I've got bloody party. I all day long Brussels back was a forwards What are you done? Marguer bloody over privilege Victorian sweat you do it go on So go on then I'll go for a ramble with his specky ass but f**k off. I think you should have done that at the podium. How do we know she

didn't do it? My play at backwards. It might be hidden messages within it. I mean, I'm really am glad that may prove you can be a mediocre bureaucrat who inflames anti-immigrant sentiments no matter what set of gendered insults people throw at you. It is how many it's truly historic day and phase 48 of her resignation which began sometime last year and has progressed. It's been like, you know, you play Monopoly, you know, I've played it for years, but you know sort of, Monopoly goes on for an hour longer

than it should, when one player has got all the hotels and the other one's got seven pounds. And she's been like that. No, if I could just hang on. All right, I'll, I'll, I'll give you a pal for landing on my fair with a hotel. And then I then, oh God, she's hanging on for a minute, she's bolting herself here. Look, I genuinely believe that monopoly was invented in order to inflame anti-capitalist sentiment. Because you always end up just flipping the board. She's, I mean, essentially staggered on like a cowboy gradually bleeding out while

staggering through the saloon bar doors of every drinking dead-in town before just finally lying under a bus stop and breathing his last sea will be quit herself to political history on the seventh, the seventh of June she will cease to be leader of the Conservatives. You will remain as, well, I mean, so, remain as sitting the lame duck Prime Minister, even lame a duck. Well, maybe she'll go on the sixth of sitting, that lame duck Prime Minister, even lame a duck. Well, maybe she'll go on the 6th of June if we send vans up down in street with Gow-oam on the side. Oh, it's the way she would want to go. The way we were in the trees and made for all the terrible things she did,

that I've forgotten and all the stuff she didn't do as a result of everyone else being awful and her also being awful, but at least willing to try truly, it is a Prime Minister ship that will echo through the annals of history, like a gust of wind through the annals of history. I reckon in a quiz, if Theresa May was in a quiz in three years' time, and she was asked to name all the Prime Ministers of the last 20 years, she'd forget herself. Ah! Ah!

Yeah. Um, that's entirely possible. I think we can make that happen. You've got contacts in the TV in the film, you might, if you make that happen. Um, her parting on the 7th season will be marked by a ceremonial national herunt for general dissatisfaction at 10.30 a.m. one hope system is not overshadowed the Pakistan Beast for a Lanca cricket well cutmash in Bristol that day. And well it was sort of made even more inevitable than it already was if it never stability can indeed increase when Andrea Ledson became the 35th resignation Wow from the record some of the people I reposted about, she just forgot, she's forgotten, she's

already had me. When they've been jumping ship, even though that ship has been stuck in a dry dock and it's just been splatting on the pavement beside it. And there've been a lot of post, in fact the post mortems began before she'd even, whereas post mortems have are still twitching corpse and she's just become the latest to be slowly impaled on the rusty spike at the top of the political greasy pole.

Had she run out of rope, or did she just merely finally braided enough rope to reach all the way around her own neck? History will be the judge. And she leaves after three years of blundering, obfuscation, waffly pseudo compromises. And that's been a time we may come to look back on with a kind of fonds nostalgia bearing in mind who or what, maybe about to follow up. Yes, we're all packing out bags for you. I'll remember, and we just had a bumbling contradictory dead eye floundering vacuum

in Downing Street. Oh, those are the days. Many young children in Britain today may lie on their deathbeds in many decades ago. Remember her as the greatest prime minister of their lifetime. And even then, in 30 years, you'll still be trying to bring her a deal back. She'll be wondering the streets going up to the homeless. Would you support my deal? Just wondering around South America and that tribes in Amazon tribes, will you support my deal? She's willing to dance. Exactly. Well what a sign.

Isn't that a sign of what she represents? I mean, 150 years ago, British rulers would go to Africa and they would say, we have come to take over your country, your land and your minerals and there's nothing you can do and she went there and they said to her, dance beat. She says how times have changed, isn't it? Maybe they said the same to Queen Victoria and she just didn't really understand the language barrier. As she announced her departure in Downing Street, she issued a parting call for a country that truly works for everyone, which can only be interpreted as a savage assault on the Conservative Party. She said, we're bringing an end, she said, you can look back proudly on bringing an end to austerity and fighting the burning injustices

that still scar our society, which is rather like a serial killer saying, well, I've got some fish fingers in my freezer now as well. It's not all body parts. I mean, she did, as we've discussed on the bugle numerous times, she got dealt as I keep saying a bad hand and you know but actually got loads of two threes and fours and bid 15 no trumps in bridge parlance and in baseball parlance this defeat this has got to go on David Cameron Dreckle sure the relief pitching has been shit but these losses all stem from his flounderingly incompetent arrogant myopic pitching in the first innings we are now left looking to the future and the joys of a Conservative leadership election. Mark, you're a presumably massive fan

of Tory leadership elections. Yeah, usually, of course, the favourite, has caused so much cuffuffle with their buy because they're so sort of the hatred between them all is such that the person who hasn't upset lots of the other ones by stabbing in the back shagging their wide, whatever it is they do, and Boris credit to him he's done both of those things to every other person in the conservative part. I think he stabbed some of them in the back whilst shagging their words. I'm starting to think that maybe the British need to take a note from their own history and maybe ship in Merkel when she retires, like Habsburg's mark two.

Oh, bring back Lord Palmerston. She was a great democracy, we are. our Prime Minister was essentially deposed after secret meeting with a guy called Graham, presumably some sacred priest like Roll, the official position of the Golden Graham perhaps, and our new Prime Minister will be chosen by 120,000 people, Tory members, essentially. With an average age of 90, who live in some rural bit of Suffolk where they will vote for someone that could stop all the immigrants coming in when the last immigrant they had was someone who come from a

different bit of Saxe mandem who was beaten to death. But it's all actually taken back control. We've taken back control of our democracy. So yeah exactly, probably democracy is what we wanted. Police, could it say, could have bloody democracy back so that we'd have the prime minister chosen by 23,000 demented rural twats? That democracy. A-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a That we've got it back! Well, it's better than you know, when the European Union foisted Stanley Baldwin on us back in the 1920s. We had no choice in that. It is old school democracy, right?

It's land-owning old gentleman, right? Yes. I mean, that's what made Britain great, isn't it? You know, we'd never have organized slavery without it, would we? I love a statler's both, you both know both know. And our next Prime Minister following Theresa May will be the fourth consecutive Prime Minister we've had who was not come into Downing Street having one a majority at an election, Gordon Brown taking over from Tony Blair, David Cameron getting on a coalition and Theresa May when Cameron resigned and whoever replaces Theresa May. And this is a great British tradition. We've had 32 different prime ministers

since the great reform act of 1832. Of these eight have come to power for the first time by winning a majority at a general election. You also had Cameron getting in a coalition, Ramsay McDonnell on a coalition having won, this is when they came in for the first time into office. Ramsay McDonnell came in in a coalition, having not this is when they came in for the first time into office. Ramsey and McDonald came in in a coalition having not won the popular vote or the most seats.

The rest, resignations, assorted governmental collapses, internet signed party backstabbing, frontstabbing and Julia Caesar style, 360 degree pincushnings and the very occasional clog popping. This is our great democratic heritage, Three quarters of our prime minutes person was shot. He was, he was a bit, he was, I think, I think that was 1812. 12 or 13? Yes, like in 12, yes. So I, I got us far back as that with this stat and then I wasted, I wasted about an hour working it out and had to write some actual jokes. We get three facts here on the bugle and that's one of them. So, I haven't double checked my working either. so it might be a false fact. But it's roughly a true fact.

As Ian Dunn's the political journalist tweeted as Theresa May was about to approach what he poetically described as the lectern of infinite crisis, that shit is going down. Now looking at the possible candidates for new Prime Minister, shit is also going to rise up and replace Theresa May. It's going to be a challenge for the Toys to find the least politically-putrid candidate that can be fished out of the swamp. Yes, it's extraordinary that the sort of attitude seems to be. Well, as there are so many people who have proved themselves so competent and qualified and wonderful over the last three years it's only fair that there are 64 candidates.

Including Dominic Rob who appears to be second favourite having been notoriously incompetent as Brexit Secretary to the extent that he didn't he hadn't realised that one of our major ports was a significant. Yes that we did we imported stuff from... ...to the New Zealand. The things you pick up in this job, it's extraordinary. I thought Sweden was on the Northern life. I thought Volkswagen was brought in by giant ladybirds.

And marvellous when you pick up with your Brexit Secretary. If you had a six-year-old child that thick, you'd say we're going to have to get rid of it and get a different child. And now he's might be Prime Minister. I'd vote for you, ma' minister. I'd vote for you, Mark. I would vote for you. Oh, Lord, at all the angry ones who were just angry, angry, that had to win.

That had to win, the angry party. We're just angry! What are you angry about this? What the hell, I'm sick of it! Just get over with it! What, oh no, no! Sum it! Just go with it! Well, I don't know. Sum in! Go with it enough!

Why is things green when they should be used for yellow? Thank you very much. Put the panel like I can't wait for that. Boris Johnson, a heart-favorite. His popularity seems to be increasing in direct proportion to how little he has been speaking in public further evidence of the critical role of Democram Neesha in modern society. And age five he apparently declared an ambition to be world king, which essentially should

have meant that he was jailed for life. I mean, to be honest, it is absolutely crying out for the queen to dust off that old suit of armour, that bow of burning gold. The arrows of desire lost used by queen victor in my explain the nine children. The cloud removing spear, the chariot of fire and the caffeine-addled narcoleptic sword. Get back to business, Lizzie. Step up to the plate. It was an incident that I came across and I think it's sort of explains where we've got here.

I was traveling to France and I thought, it was the end of last summer and I thought, I'll go on the ferry as a foot passenger, be lovely. But they don't really cater for anymore, they've sort of abandoned it all and you get to Dover and P&O have got a little desk there that someone works in and you've booked up your ticket and you just go out and say I've booked up your ticket and they look it up and they give you a little token and then a bus comes around, you get on this little bus, it takes you around the

pool and then onto the boat. So half the people at this desk all day, all week, must be French because it's just going backwards and the forwards to France, being the ferry as Dominic Rob may or may not have learnt. And there was a French couple, it just went in English. And so the woman says to the woman at the piano, she says, and he was like, I'm been for a pointless waste of time. This is the country we're dealing with. I actually really like this woman. I thought there was something really sweet about her. For being so obvious to humble.

Well, this is a new evidence of interruption Brexit. It's just a bit of self-knowledge. I know we can't cope with it. We can't. It's probably best for Europe if we step to one side and allow you all to speak to each other in your strange codes or language. Yeah, shut up you frogs, don't you know English is the lingua franca? Anyway, do keep listening to the bugle for exclusive coverage of Britain's ongoing dissent

and to the inescapable clause of the incompetomaniacs, the retrospectral, the corpse of rats, and then to emrocratic tragic viruses, crawling into the open wounds of our slowly self-imulating political system. This week, we, oh, it was all slightly overshadowed, actually, it was the European elections. Now, we're not going to know the results until Sunday, but it looks like it's going to be catastrophic for both the Conservatives and the Labour Party. I went to vote for local church hall. It was nice that these things get used. I took my daughter to help me, what to help me vote to, introduce her to the glories of democracy, before it is ripped from her,

the chance to vote in the European elections, something that she could look back on fondly in her later years. And there were two ballot boxes on the table and she went up with the folded ballot paper and said to the guy at the desk, which one do I put them in? It doesn't matter, but one of them's got a shredder inside.

So, then she put the vote in, through the thing. Which one do I put them in? It says it doesn't matter, but one of them's got a shredder inside And this guy had on his phone a shredder sound effects It was I'm question we the funniest thing I've ever seen happen in a polling station. And we need more stunts in polling stations. Funny pre-adjusting officers. And a waspish satire on the nature of democracy and pointlessness of voting. From my particular polling station there are no votes as I went berserk with a flame throw. Oh, that's brilliant. I voted for the Revolutionary S Club party, as always. To reason, apparently just a vote, please help on high ballot paper. Apparently the majority of Tory MPs did not vote for Conservative election, but we did

still manage to get a nice bit of institutional xenophobia in by a load of EU citizens living in Britain who was eligible to vote were prevented from voting due to administration or mix-up. That's each and again laying our cards phone on the table. We are not only afraid of foreigners but we are also logistically incompetent. Team Gb. Well why don't I got a car over here voting just because I live here? Oh God, I mean I can't understand it because when British people go live in Spain, then the first thing they do is they just become a climateized and so sort of so much part of the community speaking language so beautifully you can hardly tell that they're English at all. I'll be living in six don't you? I never seen no Spanish twat. The highlight of the European election campaign was the battle between Nigel Farage,

the Pickle Chilli and the Heightball of British politics. I mean, yes, we did need to change the way we looked at things, but what was that the way to do it? And his battle with the milkshake, the famous drink in the immortal words of Kellis, my milkshake, keeps all the shifters on the bus. And he was trapped on a bus by a milkshake wielding crowd. Possibly one of the most gloriously infantile displays of political protest in our great history. I should say we, at the people, do not support the use of milkshakes as a weapon of political terror. Certainly not dairy-based milkshakes, which are so bad for the environment, of course, because the impacts of dairy farming. A soy milkshake, not so much of an issue. Same with effigies, if you must express your political disgust

via the tried and trusted medium of destroying an effigy. Please don't burn it. Just make your effigy out of natural materials, ideally recycled, and express your anger by letting it slowly biodegrade. It should also accurately mirror the history of the Theresa May government. LAUGHTER And at this court, there was a glorious reason one of the reports, crowd quotes, armed with milkshakes.

What kind of piddly civil war are we indulging ourselves in? Alice, you in Australia, you've also had your election result. And well, a surprise result, Scott Morrison came through, unexpectedly to retain the coveted title of Prime Minister of Australia. Yes, Australian Arty lefties are tearing their hair in shock after an election that the polls indicated would be strongly labour leaning has instead come good for the Liberals and the Coalition to clarify for U.S. listeners, for us in Australia, the Liberals are sort of the conservatives except because our voting is compulsory, our politics tends to be a little bit more boring. So what we call conservative, you'd probably consider center right and what

we call center right is what you'd call left wing, being for example all full universal healthcare except for the immigrants we keep in detention. In the UK, what you call public schools and what we call private schools and what you call biscuits in America, we call bread rolls and what we call biscuits, you call cookies and what we call pancakes, you call crepes and what you call pancakes, we call flapjacks but what the British call flapjacks, the Australians call musely bars. Right. Two countries divided by common language once again.

I mean, it's not all good news for popular strong manning as the electorate booted out many of the high-profile dudes who were most blatantly fluttering their eyelashes at neo-nazis like debutants with gizz in their eyes. Tony Abbott, Fraser, Anning and Clive Palmer all lost their seats. Clive Palmer in his continuing quest to be an incoherently blustering supermarket home brand knockoff of Donald Trump is taking credit for the coalitions win in Queensland having spent $60 million on mainly attack ads against Labour. It's quite, I was reading a couple of analyses of the results and this came from the chief economist at the Australia Institute think tank, called Dr Richard Dennis, who summed it up as follows. He said, land lords back labour

and their renters backed for the coalition, so the Liberal, Scott Morrison government. So basically, their land lords voted to give their tenants free childcare and free healthcare, or their tenants voted for their land lords to keep their tax concessions. This is essentially political stock homes in Rome, isn't it? Yeah, oh dear. So were people really really upset about this then?

Yeah, while it was going on, I was at the Australian podcasting awards. I did not win the Australian podcasting awards. The winner was podcasting and not me, but just the course of the evening got increasingly depressed as the results came in. After an initial sort of high when Abbott lost his seat, just a bunch of lefty-arty types slumping down in their seats and applauding with decreasing fervor at people winning awards for categories they didn't even know existed. The Labour Party, led by Bill Shorten, who's now resigned, had planned a fighting climate change, didn't seem to hit home with the electorate and the increasingly parched on fire and crudging desert-based country.

That is ever more regular victim of extreme climate incidents. Why do you think that was, Alice? Well we sort of decided to stick with the political coalition that's humiliated itself with bluster and infighting because it promised economic stability rather than choosing the Labour Party with its equally embarrassing infighting for the promise of greater action on climate change. I think mainly because we don't mind if the world burns down so long as we're rich at the end of it. Oh that's it, gotta be winning when the world ends. Gold floats right? Testify. Yes I mean Skoomo is famous for presenting himself as a sort of a man of the people while

clearly not being a man of the people, and it has given rise to one of the greatest all-time memes, which has absolutely no apparent foundation in fact, but that Scott Morrison in 1997. He is an incredibly popular me. Is there any, you know, there's no smoke without fire, of course, first rule of mind? Well, he consistently finishes his speeches by talking about his football team. Right. That he is really into a particular football team and he, you know, at the end of all his political speeches speeches he goes, yeah, but on that particular date in 1997 they lost. Right. Presumably he should himself in rage.

There's a plaque at the Angadine McDonald's. That's so Australian. Maybe that's the secret of his popularity with the electorate. Effectively his party works directly against the interest of, but maybe they can relate to a man who shat himself and went on all sort of that personal contact, isn't it? Well, just to see all people in the lab. They get so changing. Ten years ago, 15 years ago, it was just assumed if you said you voted about grabbing a woman's pussy that was the end of your career, every 20 minutes Trump does something that 20 years ago would

have finished your career, Boris Johnson, everything he does would have finished it now, that's 15 years ago, if you were ever filmed shitting yourself in McDonald's that could have had now, I know, my gosh, I'm a gentleman, McDonald now... Oh no, my gosh, that's silver MacDonald's, and your polling goes up. That's his making a mistake by you'd won by even more if you... Maybe this will impact on the Conservative leadership here. They'll be up to Burger King. I have Jeremy Hunt saying, I wipe my jam-covered penis on the curtains of a Prime Minister, and waltz to power.

I mean, isn't it a nice proof that careers are revolving to be more resilient? Exactly and then they'll all be doing it. They'll all be there's Sagid Javid or say but I left the jab on mine so it would attract what? Because I'm more of a leader. I'm currently maintaining a functioning wasps nest in my balsac. Let me show you. A sort of leadership that Britain needs. I did it when I was a bus driver.

Two of them stung me once, took the 133 straight through Wu-Waths. Wasps nest on my balsack was in fact the original version of lipstick on your collar, eventually sung by Coney Francis originally offered as waspness on my bultack to Paul Anko, turned it down. Showbiz news now and well to reason my of course is not the only inexplicably long-running saga that has fizzled on unsatisfactory ending whilst at the same time threatening to spawn some deeply unsavory spin-offs. Game of Thrones has witted into the TV sunset and it seems to have riled its many fans by being a bit shit at the end like life I suppose.

It ended after, how was it, eight series and with a plot that more holds in it than a millipede's trousers, tied up all the loose ends like Albert Einstein's hairdresser. I mean, it has much sensors, the last three years of global history multiplied by the laws of rugby union. And Alice, the fans are not happy. And when even fiction is provoking mass protests, you know the planet is in serious trouble.

It's a terrible thing. After years and years of encouraging internet piracy, making dubious personal hygiene, violence and warped sexual ethics look keeps cool, international streaming sensation Game of Thrones has wrapped up its final season. Its last episode's courting controversy with a series of exciting twists, deaths, and betrayals, which despite literally a decade of prior exciting twists, deaths, and betrayals has caused absolute uproar on the internet. The series tracked George R.R. Martin's books and people are pretty pissed and surprised that the last two episodes

particularly aren't feminist enough, despite the original texts containing over 200 rapes, including child rape, murder rape, magic rape, and incest. It feels like too many rape aren't feminist enough, despite the original texts containing over 200 rapes, including child rape, murder rape, magic rape and incest. That feels like too many rape passages to be fun, even in fiction, Andy. What's the collective now, and embarrassment of rape scenes? Though I'm sure many of them are very narrative-y, empowering or formative for character development and are defensively feminist way, don't at me please. BELL RINGS AQUICK BIN OF

Donald Trump News, obviously in battle with various forces, ranged against him from in America and around the world. He called his former secretary of state Rex Tillerson as dumb as a rock. This week, well, I mean, A, you Rocks actually keep very detailed information going about hundreds of millions of years, which is supposed to be something Trump has not entirely familiar with. And it's one thing to be able to spot someone who's as dumb as a rock, but it's quite another thing to pick that person out and then give them one of the most important jobs

in the world, which Donald Trump has. And he basically went on strike and refused to do any, which is, I think, the best thing we can hope for at this day. So it's been, I mean on the plus side with Trump, he did not do any of the following things this week at a Personally drown a puppy on national TV be banal women from laughing see and vade France D You're an eight out of Air Force one was flying over a school for special needs children He dry hump the Lincoln monument or F Charter a helicopter and a drop rotting seal carcasses over the crowd at the minor league baseball game between the Toledo mudhands and the Columbus Clippers while training a banner

behind his aircraft saying what if a Mexican or Muslim was doing that hashtag bill award. So you know it could have been worse it could have been a worse week. As if it is safe all of them up for one week. I reckon, probably late October next year, week before the election. The sport now, and while the Cricket World Cup begins on Thursday, and this makes me enormously excited, partly because I'm going to a ridiculous number of games in my other job in other

places. Are you going to all of them, including when there's two on the same day? Not quite. I mean, if the logistics allowed, Mark, then yes. I'm going to about two thirds of the games at the World Cup, because some of those statistics aren't going to look themselves up, are they? And quite incredibly, England actually have a genuine chance of winning the cricket world cup. They are in fact favourites and well they've been the best

side in international one day cricket since pretty much since I started covering it for the BBC so you're all welcome. Yes, the cricket world cup begins on Thursday and ends as all cricket matches do either when one side chooses to ritually disembowel themselves rather than continue the game, or when play is interrupted by the heat death of the universe. They say those who are tired of cricket are tired of life, if you take the word life in that sentence to mean cricket. Well, I mean, you're not actually that far off, there was a game in 1939, famous timeless test England playing in South Africa where they used to just play games with no sort of end time

now it's five days for test matches and they played for two weeks and then they called it a draw because England had to catch the boat home and then a war broke out. So I mean it was pretty close to what you've just described, Alice, essentially. But wouldn't it be just if it was the heat death of the universe and in the game, the commentary would just be, well that's rather a shame, that's the heat death of the universe. Well, it's not let it spoil some of the wonderful sort of four days we've had, from Marvelous Things of 83. I don't know if It's worth noting that I do love cricket and Andy, but I can love cricket and also objectively realise that it's awful, like the cake that my auntie used to bake for our birthday every year and would burn it every year. So my favourite

flavours in the world, but objectively horrendous. Well, I went to see Kent versus Soma first county going in the year the other day and Larmingly a few things happened in the first day or in a half but then nothing else happened prefer it like that and a couple of years ago when I was at Canterbury I think that was the incident that sort of said this is County cricket. There was about 90 people there all of which were sort of even older than the average conservative membership. They were so old. Most of them there because they've been there

the previous year and didn't realise winter had come and gone. And they were still there. And about three in the afternoon, there was an announcement over the tenoy. You are reminded that the sponsors for today's game are whatever it was funeral for. It's good to know your clientele isn't it? Excitingly this year and I'm much more on the cricket World Cup on the Unbelievable Podcast that I'm doing for ABC in Australia with the wonderful Felicity Ward and also this week with Artif Noaz looking ahead to the World Cup. Excitingly mock the World Cup official song has been released before the tournament whereas in 1999 the last time I was over cricket World

Cup here the cricket World Cup song was released the day after England were knocked out. Oh yes, it's something. We've learning from our mistakes. And to reach a nail ever song come out tomorrow, I'm going to be prime minister. Well, I mean, there's further good news for England. I mean, obviously, almost all sport is dictated by historical coincidence. And England actually have a much better average at Cr world cups when the previous general election has resulted in the victory of a female prime

minister. So they reached the final in 1979 after that year at one, the 79 election. They reached the semi in the 83. They reached the final in 1987 after that year at one, the 87 election. They reached the final in 92. Thatcher had won the 87 election, they reached the final in 1992, now Thatcher had gone by then but they haven't yet had the 1992 general election. So every time we've done well at a cricket world cup, a woman has won the previous general election and since 1992, all general elections up until the last one in 2017 won by men, England failed even to qualify for a semi-final. So this is to reason may is one positive legacy for this country.

England is too modest to bear too. Yeah, anyway, do tune in to future bugles over the next few weeks. We will, I will no doubt touch on the World Cup given that I will be spending most of my waking hours watching it and most of my sleeping hours thinking about it. And the earned believeable is available wherever you get your podcasts or on the ABC website.

Well, that brings us to the end of this week's bugle. Mark, thanks for having us. We'd like to have you on, as always. Thank you. What an interesting day to unleash your full glory of your love, love and effect. Yes. For the people in the news, Alice, if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything. Yes, I think that's something that I don't think either of us have really followed through

with Anokariz. Alice, a delight is always to have you have you on the show Any any shows to plug Yes, my Film show ethos is up on my patreon and I'm doing a show mythos in London on the 10th of July The Museum of comedy it's all on the in just look it up on the end. I'll be there. I'll be on the internet. There's a bugle live show at the underbelly on the 22nd of June featuring me, Nish and Alice. Mark's got any tour shows or anything coming up. They want to alert people.

No, but I'd like to go to Australia one day. So if I can plug that. Okay. If anyone in Australia would like to fly Mark's deal over To my dad has a spare bedroom that I was recently staying in so This is a trip coming together If you can deal with him talking about your your eggs mark, I'm sure you guys will get on great. That's all right To play you out as as always, in current bugles, some lies about our premium subscribers to join the Bugle Voluntary Subscriptions game. Go to the Bugle website, thebuglebockers.com and click the donate button.

Choose one of the options there and make up your own contribution regular or one off. And if you choose one of the lie-including options, I will tell a lie about you on this show, and you will join some of the following people about whom I'm about to bullshit. Deborah Swain thinks the word Welped is underused and should be spread more widely to refer not just to doggies firing puppies out of their doggie tum-tums, but also to the creative process of writing a novel, solving a sudoku, or providing an assist for a goal. Michael and Nicole Kelly are not concerned about the Chinese government's buy-on through

technological snooping, because they themselves installed a wiretapping the forbidden city when on holiday in Beijing in 2004, and have shared the information gleaned through a series of coded letters to the Sun newspaper. Someone known only as FUTFUT has proof that the real reason that Theresa May resigned is that someone has video evidence that she was in fact one of the 1980s all female American rock band VIXEN and was replaced by a body double when she was elected as a local counsellor in South London in 1986. Ken Samuels is unimpressed by clouds, calling them fluffy time-serving conventionalists,

which have not evolved or improved in literally millions of years. Christian Quyser would love to see what Baton Twirlers could do with real weapons. He reckons they would have been very useful in wars up to around the mid-15th century, but that it's now probably too late to find out. Stephen Way has formulated and costed proposals to replace roads with zip-wise, which are amongst the most environmentally friendly forms of mass transit available. Whilst Emma Colville is not convinced that swans are all that, and wonders why they don't use their long-necks more in combat and social situations, reckoning they could hook their beaks around lamppost while flying at high speed, and use the centrifugal force to whiz-round and the ice cream out of a child's hand. Kirk Roberts would like to do away with maps on the world's underground and metro systems, thinking it would help rebuild communities and disadvantaged areas

if you just have to get out and see what was there, who knows what you might like, buy or invest in, or whom you might meet. Roberto Tyley thinks postgraduate study should be allocated to the people who most needed, not the people who most wanted. He says that the intellectually curious and gifted are still going to be curious and gifted even if they don't spend four years studying the mating rituals of ferrets or how capitalism causes acne or whether atoms exist. It's the people who don't take an interest in learning about the world who would gain the most.

Luciano Silva wonders whether Pope's genuinely float or whether they only stay on top of water because their special Pope Cassex trapped pockets of air, whatever, at any rate, he's never seen one sink. On the subjects of sinking, it is a constant irritation to Neil Harrison that the Titanic gets so much more media attention than all the boats that never sank even once. And finally, Kiran Johnson would give anything, and I mean anything, to see the queen play the trombone unexpectedly during the state opening of Parliament, just to see how the MPs will react and how far her royal cheeks will puff out. More lies next week. Go to thebugelpodcast.com and click the donate button. Thank you.