The Bugle - Dog Climbs Mountain - Bugle 4101

Episode Date: March 16, 2019

Andy is joined by Alice and new Buglers Baratunde Thurston and Nato Green to look at US corruption, Ilhan Omar, San Francisco millionaires and a mountain climbing dog.Your support keeps us going. Click <a href="http://thebuglepodcast.com">here</a> to support the showWith<a href="https://twitter.com/hellobuglers">@HelloBuglers</a><a href="https://twitter.com/aliterative">Alice Fraser</a><a href="https://twitter.com/baratunde">Baratunde Thurston</a><a href="https://twitter.com/natogreen">Nato Green</a><a href="https://twitter.com/ProducerChris">@ProducerChris</a>More episodes and info on our website: <a href="http://thebuglepodcast.com">http://thebuglepodcast.com</a> Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Dancelaguard fans, you will be thrilled to know a book is coming out if you fund it via Unbound. We are publishing the Dancelaguard Reader by Alice Fraser and Dancelaguard, a glorious insight into the world of Dancelaguard, self-published romance maven, and online bestseller. If you would like to find out how to support it, go to thebugelpodcast.com. If we get enough support, we will publish the book. That's a real thing that's going to happen. Thebugelpodcast.com to support the Danciler Guard Reader. Hello, Buglers, and welcome to issue 4,101 of The Bugle recorded live in the final shows of the USA Tour in San Francisco and Los Angeles. I was joined as ever on the Magic video screen

by the magnificent Alice Fraser, freshly de-hemispheed to Australia, and now reporting from tomorrow afternoon, west coast of America time. And I was also joined by two brand new co-hosts in person. A special hello this week to our New Zealand buglers after Friday's atrocity in Christchurch, and indeed to all buglers who are members of the sentient human race, which has been produced and brutalized yet again by the putrid virus of terrorism. We recorded these shows before that tragedy had occurred, and the San Francisco show, from which most of this week's podcasts comes, was also recorded before the latest in the classic series of failed government attempts

to force Humph the Brexit camel through the cataract riddled eye of the flasid-scratchy needle of British politics. That sentence took us much of a battering as our democracy has in recent times. There will be a full Brexit update in next week's show. Don't forget, if you would like to support the newly re-independentised bugle and help us continue and be footloosen advert free, click the donate button on the bugle website and choose one of the monthly contribution options or make up your own monthly voluntary subscription amount. There's also an option to make a one-off payment too, and of course the option not to contribute and two shout-up senators at the moon instead. All your support for the show, financial or otherwise, is ecstatically gratefully received.

Many thanks to those who have already contributed to the new Voluntos subscription scheme, and helped set the show on the path to a long-term sustainable, independent future, as the world's only reliable source of 112% verifiable bullshit. Coming up later, details of a snap satirist for higher Brexit special run 26th to 28th March in London, but first, on with this week's podcast, it was taken from last Tuesday's live shot, the dynasty typewriter in Los Angeles, where Baratunde Thurston made his bugle debut, and the show at Cobb's comedy club in San Francisco on Monday 11th March, where I was joined by Alice, Alice was joined by some impressively vocal bird life in Sydney,

and we were both joined by another first time bugle co-host, who will be introduced in the following chunk. What is that noise? Is that coming from... I think it's the birds in Australia. I'm really sorry. Against some live wildlife. The Bugle, audio newspaper for a visual world. Please welcome to the stage, The Bugle, audio newspaper for a visual world.

Please welcome to the stage, and be Zoltz Bord! Hello! Hello San Francisco! Hello Los Angeles! Hello California! Welcome! Welcome to the Bugle Life, how are you all? Excellent, excellent, that is good, that is very good to hear. Welcome, it's very time to be back here at Cubs. There's a very famous saying in Shobis, you only play this venue twice in your career once on the way up once on the way down Well, this is my fourth gig at Cubs

Because my career has plateau So here we are this is this is the live bugle. This is live from Cubs comedy club in San Francisco doubling up as at least part of issue 4101 of the world's leading only and possibly best audio newspaper for a visual world. Do you have any Briton? Yes, welcome and did you vote in the referendum? Yes, and how did you vote? Did you vote? I love the EU as well. I think it's wonderful. It's one of the great political experiments in human history. It's brought peace and prosperity and harmony

to a largely divided continent throughout its history. And I think it's one of the other things. Good for Britain. It's good for Europe, for Britain to stay part of Europe. It's good for the future. It's good for my kids. They come to their gonna grow up in that said, I'm a British political comedian.

Brexit is gonna give me six decades of material. So I voted leave. That's how we vote in politics, got a look off yourself. Only 11th March, on this day in 1702 the first daily English newspaper was published the Daily Coront and the editor, who was a woman, Elizabeth Mallett, who wrote under my hook persona, that's something's never changed. She said this, the author will not take it upon himself to give any comments or conjectures of his own, but will relate only to matters of fact, he will suppose other people to have sense enough to make reflections for themselves. So how is that going for the media of the world?

Charmingly not, he's back in 70 no two, let's compare it with today's media just looking at bright parts and have you ever got a bright part, fans it? I have misjudged this vibe. Good time. Some sensational articles gone up on Breitbart today. Fantastonately article this one. If I'm not allowed to scream you're a f***ing bitch at a baby in a shopping mall just because it might be female, then gay people should not be allowed to buy cars. Classic outright schtick. Why does the mainstream media keep lying to us about spiders having legs? None of the ones in my collection do anymore. And this is a classic outright.

It's called, if immigrants, women, and wildlife are as great as the snowflakes say, how come American white male human man Neil Armstrong was the first thing on the moon? So, I can't argue that right. So, also, tomorrow, very exciting day, tomorrow, is World Day Against Cyber-Centorship. So, we want the internet to be completely free, and for everyone to be able to do what they want on the internet, and to that end, I've hacked into your personal data using my internet freedom, and I failed to censor myself and I found some interesting information about you and in in got Facebook to help out because they know basically

everything about us. So there's a woman sitting in about the eighth row back who's terrified of all gardeners. I think they should be locked up. A man sitting over there thinks Elvis faked his own death but then died the next day. Trying to launch a new career as a human cannonball. Someone in this room spent 35 hours last weekend trying to create a 4D potato. San Francisco why not? 97% of you in this room prefer bagels to the Syrian crisis. Right with you there, not my thing either, but who are the 3%? And also there is one person in this room who has a recurring dream

in which a bison becomes president of the USA, defecates all over the Oval Office and then tries to have sex with a statue of Eleanor Roosevelt. And that person wakes up thinking, I had this really weird dream that the country was starting to get back on track. So that's... Now as always, San Francisco, some sections of the bubler going, where? Where? Where are going in the bin, they are going in the bin and in the bin this week we have a California section since we're here in California

the golden state you are you fans of California is anyone here not from California other than the bridge wait wait you come from Maryland and which is better? on forever. Which is better? Maryland is better. Oh right, yeah. Well let me tell you there's some states of the USA don't seem to like California that much. If I, for example, was that any Portland, seems to think that the great threat of immigration is from you people. California is home to one eighth of all Americans, but yeah, no question does arise. Wouldn't it be better if it was home to 1-8th of each American? It's the 11th most densely populated state in the USA!

New Jersey is top. Got to be good at something. California clocking in at 240 people per square mile, way behind New Jersey, you're gonna take that lying down. In fact, that might be your best way to catch up. Sorry family, so let's compare it with Bangladesh. Bangladesh, obviously America very, very crowded. We're not so crowded that you have to seal Mae'n gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r

gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r I do have a quick suggestion for how to deal with the issue of massive overpopulation in America that has meant that you have to build this wall, because I think I don't think you actually need the wall, because I've looked at a map and I think the solution to the immigration problem in America is quite simple. Use the middle bit.

It's fucking enormous. It's absolutely fucking enormous. Is this gonna work? Oh, that's it! Oh, there we go! Hello, Andy. Hello, Googlers. How are you? Hello Andy, hello, Googleers, how are you? I am here in Australia, it's 208 PM, but very importantly I just flew in yesterday, so in my head it's still 3 o'clock in the morning. How's Australia?

I had an argument today with a man online who did not believe that Australia was real. Was he in Australia or not? No, he was online so he could have been anywhere but where he was is saying that every Australian you ever meet is an actor pretending to be Australian and every piece of footage you see of Australia is as fake as the moon landings. I don't know if you've ever tried to argue with someone that you exist. All right, welcome. Welcome, Alice, to a new time zone.

And this is very exciting. We have a brand new Bugal co-host. It's Baratunde Firsten. There he is. Right. Welcome to the stage. Cheers. Hello, Buebler. I like to introduce people on the first parental match.

I was some ridiculous music. I was fucking ridiculous. I just want to say it's good to be here at the dynasty tie bread. first person to share with some ridiculous music. I was fucking ridiculous. I just want to say it's good to be here at the Dynasty typewriter. This is the last gig of this tour. And this is the 13th gig we've done in 15 days in 12 different cities. So Baratone is very much the shot of espresso to the fatigue to brain. Are you saying that because I'm...

LAUGHTER Well, thank you. LAUGHTER for teague to brains. Are you seeing it because I'm... LAUGHTER LAUGHTER Well, thank you. LAUGHTER It's now time for our other co-hosts for today. CHEERING He is from this very city, from San Francisco, and I'm going to give you a chance to guess who it is. So he is named after two organisations, movements or concepts,

that your president, Donald Donald Trump really does not like So it's multiple choice. Can you guess which is the correct name is is his name dignity foreigner Option B Democrats feminism Great comic great comic. Sadly not this gig. Is it option C? NAFTA independent judiciary? Not out either. Is it option D? CNN, immigrant children, not in cages? Is it in fact NATO green? What's you reckon? Let's find out the correct answer is... It is...

NATO Green, there he is! NATO! Welcome to the show, there's a massive picture of you. And this is... Welcome, NATO. Welcome to the Bugle. Thank you massive picture of you. And this is Welcome, Nito. Welcome to the Bugle. Thank you very much. Glad to be here. I have a question for you. Yeah.

As a British person in America, just at this moment in history, could you just talk us through how it feels to be a formally important world power? What? Just like, to kind of wean you onto it. Yeah, yeah. Because we're looking at you as a,

you know, and I know that England didn't get feelings into Morrissey And he has some feelings. We really don't want to have right Prior to that if a British person had feelings you just started an opium war, but like You know how do you how do you just cope with like watching your world relevance collapse like a souffle in a hailstorm? Right. How much research did you do for that souffle in the hailstorm world? Well, I mean, it's, I mean, to fit the key thing, Naito, and you're going to have to

do this as Americans as you watch yourself decline as a global power. Unless, of course, I mean, and we'll touch on the environment a little bit later on, then you are the overall winner of the game. So... LAUGHTER The key... The key, Nate, what you have to do as a declining Imperial Power, what you need to do is invent and export sports and then allow other countries that you've taught these sports to beat you

and hope that this will do as an apology for Borderline Genocide. That's... As far as the closest we've ever got. The closest we've ever got to apologising for some of the glitches of our imperial phase is teaching countries cricket and then losing to them humiliating. Do you think poetry slam will suffice as a Shubwan out NATO is also Jewish Shalom, so this is we we've gone with a two-Jew strategy for this show Out of two and a half

Alice has got a She's the ish bit She's the ish bit. I'm not so... She's... Your part, part... She's 50% buddhist, 50% Jewish, and 50% Catholic, I think, is that right? Yeah, and the... I don't normally feel particularly Jewish, and then I'm in a taxi, and the taxi driver starts talking about the Jews, and I get very educational very quickly.

Do you know you lose one Uber point on your star rating for every pogrom you list? Let's cake out the jam shall we? I am I'm a very lapsed-due Nate where would you put yourself on the percentage laps? I would say that I'm not practicing because I have mastery. Right, there we go. Practicing is for amateurs. I'm second-generation elapsed and as you know, Jewishness comes down through the mother and lapsedness through the father and they sort of cancel each other out as a lap show. It's an pro-naptiveness through the anus. LAUGHTER APPLAUSE That's as a family show, Alice.

Family show. Top story this week. And top story this week. We have naughty America news. How do you say America is doing as a nation right now? Me? Right. I think meh is our rating right now.

Yeah, yeah. We're pulling up though. OK. We're pulling. We've been lower. We're trying to climb out, right? A third of the audience is feeling the blue wave. So a big story that was revealed over the past week was

a high degrees of official corruption, surprise surprise, in the current president's administration, as a group known as the center for responsibility and ethics in Washington. You would hope that that's Congress, but it turns out we've privatized ethics now. So did you say the name of it? The Center for Ethics and... For responsibility and ethics in Washington. Correct. Right, so I mean that's purely hypothetical, isn't it?

It's a dream. The Center for American Unicorns for All, isn't it? So they have a new study documenting the levels of conflict of interest in the Trump White House. It's achieved 1400 official conflicts according to them. President Trump has tried to use the presidency to enrich himself by promoting his businesses as extensions of his administration, including conducting government business at them, praising them in his official capacity and even going so far as to offer exclusive perks to members of his clubs,

including access to government leaders, influence on government businesses, and in some cases, appointments to government positions. They say the conflicts of interest this president has caused are nothing short of an ethical catastrophe. Ethical catastrophe. I think this is fine. All right.

No, bear with me. At this point, there are so many conflicts of interest. It's almost like there are no conflicts of interest at all. They cancel themselves out. Like he can't keep track of them. He can't even call people by the right name. He just vaguely feels like he owes everyone a favor. Right.

Right. Right. Well, I am in a full-boiled fury of late about the attacks on Congresswoman Ilhan Omar. This is the Democratic Congresswoman from Minneapolis. She's a borne in Somalia and a Muslim. And she's been accused of using anti-Semitic tropes. First of all, I have to say to you, the audience, I am a card carrying socialist American Jew. So if you are a rabbit, you are about to be put down. So the arguments, I don't understand what the complaint is about Ilhan Omar.

She was accused of using anti-Semitic tropes. The tropes specifically were that she noted that there wasn't Israel lobby that gives money to politicians. I guess the implication, it arguably it's antisemitic to suggest to forget that Jews are cheap and we wouldn't give money to politicians. Will they nilly? Or perhaps that politicians wouldn't like Jews unless we paid them. So I don't know if that's where the anti-Semitism lives exactly. Also like tropes, that's the complaint, is that we're talking about tropes. Is there anything possibly more Jewish than complaining about someone using literary criticism? So it's like out of a Woody Allen film, like I left class at NYU and I was sitting in a cafe in Greenwich Village reading Derrida and it reminded me of how much you don't like me.

You know what I mean? So who among us can forget the horrific trope massacres when my family in the Ukraine was slaughtered by a band of trope wielding caustacks? Jews are very concerned about tropes, we're also concerned about allusion, metaphor, similarly alliteration. We've been harassed, oppressed, persecuted, exploited, almost like it's like being attacked by a dinosaur, like a thesaurus Rex.

Yay! So, you know what's fair? Right in on this show, guys. So, and the argument is that like, she's a Somali, so the other trope is dual loyalty that she suggested that people were being called upon to be, that Jews were dual loyal to the US and to Israel. And first of all, it doesn't bother me because I'm not even singly loyal. I hate my own country, I hate every other country, like I'm not even involved in any of it. But the dual loyalty trope, according to the Atlantic, goes back to anti-catholicism in

the 1830s. And so the argument is that anti-Semites appropriated anti-catholicism in 1903, and the protocols the elders desire in when they wrote it in Russian, and then that in turn was reappropriated now to use against the Muslim. It's very confusing to me. Just to imagine the scenario, like Ilhan Omar is a Muslim Somali refugee camp in Kenya in the 90s when she's 10, she comes across a copy of the protocols of the Elders' in Russian, reads it, retains it, and then brings it back decades later. It is as if you met someone who had never heard of the idea of gay people, and they used

the word faggot to refer to a bundle of sticks, and you're like, no, you can't say that because you just reminded me that I'm a bigot. You know what I mean? So, and I feel like just the criticisms of Ilhan Omar, like our single-handedly demolishing the stereotype that Jews are smart because like that's all we had. Like we're not attractive or physically strong, but it's weak for you. Self-knight on it. At least we're smart and they're taking that away from us. attractive or physically strong. Speak for yourself, nighttime. At least we're smart, and they're taking that away from us.

And they're actual anti-Semites. They're actual Jew haters like in Charlottesville that I'm worried about. Like these guys, this is a picture from Charlottesville. You see them, they're all wearing khakis. They went from brown shirts to brown slacks. So I think you can safely say that Nazism is descending. In a historical sense, it's moving from the torso

to the trousers, to the leg area. And in another generation, their children will be Nazis, just wearing a brown loafer. And then we'll be done with Nazis in all of history. One more generation ago. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. And these people, like, they're not full on Nazis. They just sort of evoke the sense of Nazis,

like, just enough to sort of give you the idea. Almost like they'll give you, like, just the Gestapo of it, the Gestapo. Did I? Which one is it? How am I supposed to pronounce it? No, no, no, no. You can't react like that to a pun at this show.

It's not allowed. How many Nazi-based puns has this show had? Well, it depends if you listen to it forwards or backwards. Right. So. I think our bad match prize was my favorite of mine. And so some people are like, and there are Nazis even in the White House.

Some like Trump is an actual Jew-hater. Some people like no, Trump can't be a Jew-hater because his daughter converted to Judaism. But Trump clearly enjoys hating people and he wouldn't be the first president to hate someone he wanted to have sex with. Just as Thomas Jefferson. So I mean, to be honest, there's not been enough Thomas Jefferson shagging his slave jokes on this show, I'm almost done. And thank you.

I was worried that I was going to divide that crowd, but, uh, and, like, she didn't even say anything bad about Jews. He was talking about the Israeli government, specifically the the israeli military in the israeli parliament hating a branch of government is not a form of bigotry you know i'm saying like you were allowed to hate the legislative branch you know like the state legislature in the state of tenisey just passed a fetal heartbeat bill that would ban abortion after the detection of a heartbeat and if i said i don't agree with that you couldn't call me teniseas

you know i'm saying and you know and the the the prime minister of Israel, BB Netanyahu is like in coalition now with fascist parties. BB Netanyahu is friends calling BB, which is short for bullboser, as in bullbos your ball of portraits, and bomb babies with bullets by the Israeli Barney. That is the most charming sentence involving the words bomb babies with bullets. I've ever heard.

And I'm so excited about Ilhan Omar. I think she's Trump's worst nightmare. Can you imagine? I think the whole world should be run by black socialist Muslim women. That seems like anything that would make Trump kill himself. And I just love the thought of it. So, I'm ready for a nap. In other... You can't just change the whole government just in order to piss off someone you don't like, can you?

Oh wait, you guys just did. Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! scheduled 29th of March independence day or maybe reschedule for then anyway who knows literally no one. Now as you may have heard it does look like Brexit is being delayed which depending on which newspaper or media outlets you read and all right for and or carve into your living soul over breakfast every morning is either a patently sensible thing to do given the absolute indigestible, multiple vomited, re-eaten and vomited again pigs breakfast breakfast that has been made of the entire process, or it is a betrayal of everything Britain has ever held dear. Or more accurately, a betrayal of everything Britain has ever pretended to hold dear. Anyway, the satris for high shows will go ahead anyway, while Britain spends just a little more time considering whether to betray its democracy by ignoring the result

of the referendum, or betray its democracy by plowing through with the result of a flawed, ill-conceived and ill-defined referendum, whose full implications will barely even breed the pout, and will overwhelmingly affect people who weren't able to vote in it, a truly appetising British democratic choice. Do submit your email request for topics to be satirized to the usual satirist for higher address. Satirize this at satiristforhier.com. Given the circumstances, I'm willing to address non-Brexit issues as well, or just unilaterally launch Brexit in the show any way.

Can I do that? I've been nothing of certain anymore. Tickets on the Soho Theatre website, 26th, 27th and 28th of March. Please do submit emails, even if you're not coming to the shows. Also, there are bugle live shows coming up in Glasgow this Tuesday. The 19th of March, I believe that one is sold out. Edinburgh on the 20th of March, there are some tickets left for that. And Brighton on the 12th of April, I may previously told you that this was on the 13th of March I believe that one is sold out Edinburgh on the 20th of March there are some tickets left for that and Brighton on the 12th of April I may previously told you that this was on the 13th of April this was a lie

Anyway, it is the 12th of April back to the last shows of the American tour and here's a more highlight from San Francisco with NATO green San Francisco news NATO you you're a native of the city you lived here most of you like how is San Francisco doing as a city? Real bad, real bad everybody. So I don't know if you saw this news recently, but San Francisco is about to have a bunch of tech-related initial public offerings. I think the New York Times headlines says millionaires are about to eat San Francisco alive,

because Uber, Pinterest, Lyft, Square, Postmates are all about to do IPOs, and that will lead to a bunch of cash for millionaires. I think Pinterest is like a perfect example of what's happening, because I don't know. Pinterest, there used to be a neighborhood in San Francisco called the Design District. There's a place called the Design Center where you go

and meet artisans and buy like custom-made Fossets and rugs and things for interior decorating and now that's where the Pinterest headquarters is to have just pictures of those things that used to be there That seems peak 2019 to me so the Like San Francisco's about to get so rich that soon we're gonna have millionaires shitting on the sidewalk It's good to have a dream The streets of San Francisco will be pived with golden shit So and there's a lot of people try they're trying to figure out like how we get so much homelessness

And this is what happens is you have an IPO you make a a bunch of millionaires, and then they take people's homes, and then they become homeless. That's how it works. And so it's like, it's weird, reading about the IPO parties that was new to me, because it's all these people have their favorite, like they hire people. You're supposed to believe that someone is gonna be

a capable fiscal steward of a company's business vision that they're willing to spend, pay people to spend 14 hours a day making ice sculptures of the Taj Mahal for their IPO party and yet we can't have better welfare benefits for homeless people because they might use it on drugs at least you can use drugs I'm not like an ice sculpture I mean this was one of the fascinating details of this story that you put us onto. There was other ice sculpts, including a full-size ice car.

I mean, internal combustion engines and ice doesn't seem like a marriage made in heaven. Logos carved into ice rockets. Ice cubes of the company logo on each one. And there's ten foot Taj Mahal in a swimming pool Where you would want the Taj Mahal to be obviously I mean it must have looked amazing before it melted away like an ethical concern a board meeting But I mean what do you think when you are the person who's commissioned? Has anyone here ever commissioned a 10-foot ice Taj Mahal? Or indeed any other mausoleum? Not just the Taj Mahal?

When this was built to commemorate an Indian king's dead, dead wife, so for a start, what kind of message is this tech billionaire sending to his current alive wife? Stop being so cold in the bedroom. But what do you think when you're swimming pool in your massive house having spent $10 million on launch parties, which is apparently what they cost. Look at your ice, tarz mahal. What do you think? Do you think this is what I've always dreamed of? What I work so hard for over the years to have an ice-tarz mahal in the swimming pool? That's what I dreamt of as a kid. Do you think what the fuck have I become? Do you think is capitalism really trying its very, very best to improve this planet?

Do you think I love replicas of people's graves? Maybe it next year's IPO, I'm getting Auntie Berrell's grave made out of chocolate. Or do you think a wonder if 10 foot was big enough for my ice Taj Mahal? So I for one welcome this as a beautiful piece of site-specific performance art on the dangers of inflation. I mean, San Francisco is already the home to the kind of overwhelmingly meaningless money that made Miami a surreal art deco-Disney land on the back of illegal cocaine smuggling. And this is very much the same kind of drug dealing. I just think this public market launch will pour so much money into the Bay Area that soon

you'll be wheelbarrowing $100 bills into a coffee shop to afford, even a moderately pretentious millennial lifestyle. And it's a good move for the hyper wealthy. It provides new opportunities for abstract and swimwear, clad yacht groupies instead of old money, old men in polo, next telling you about mergers in an environment of jocular racism. You get to have the exciting experience of hearing about Bitcoin and the statistical significance of race in IQ test breakdowns from

young men in polo now. Progress! We are making progress! So I'm kidding Andy, I love the hyper wealthy and I'm happy to do corporate gigs for any number of technology. That is why you hang out with me. Alice is right, they are in so much of what they're inventing now is useless. It's like, I don't know if you saw recently, in the last several months, we had these wildfires in California where now I have a new thing to be afraid of, a fire cyclones.

Where fire goes 200 miles an hour, and it's like, hey, tech people, could you maybe invent something to stop the fire cyclones? And they're like, no, no, no, we're busy inventing Shazam for soup. But, not fucker, you're doing the wrong thing. Hey, the IPCC Climate Reports, as we have 12 years to reduce carbon emissions or civilization will collapse, could you maybe invent something that will suck the carbon

out of the sky and they're like no we're really focused on inventing Uber for Uber so like if you don't have Uber you can see who around you has Uber and then get them to call you an Uber. So we're gonna do that first and then the climate. I mean with them in terms of the property there is a slight I mean it's got the root problem with the kind of property all around the world is, well, I'll demonstrate this through a quick sociological experiment. Who here likes having somewhere to live? That is a captive market and

capitalism is all over that. The excess or Texas, if you will, around this area, it's got a Uber's worth $120 billion a pound. Now, on what the Philadelphia Phillies are paying Bryce Harper on his recently signed contract, you could hire Bryce Harper with what Uber is worth for 4,227 MLB seasons. Plus, the first 44 games of the 4,728 season of his contract. And the first two innings of Game 45 of that series. I love us that.

At which point he will down tools and join the Metz. Inventions for the Phillies fans haven't given him so much grief for the last 4,712 seasons of his contract. Risk giving a player a contract that long. Spoiler alert, the Metz could be contenders in the year 6,746. LAUGHTER It's, I mean, do you think, do you think we're getting our economic priorities

slightly wrong as a species, NATO? Yes. Good, good simple answer. I mean, I think the choices that are being made not just in San Francisco and America but all around the world you look at in you look at my face basically just the choices that global capitalism is making. Oh so it's like when you meet a naked man and you give him a thousand dollars to go away and smarten himself up. We've all been there and he goes away with his thousand dollars and he spends he spends Ys gyd yn ymwyr, yn ymwyr, yn ymwyr, yn ymwyr, yn ymwyr, yn ymwyr, yn ymwyr, yn ymwyr, yn ymwyr, yn ymwyr, yn ymwyr, yn ymwyr, yn ymwyr, yn ymwyr, yn ymwyr, yn ymwyr, yn ymwyr, yn ymwyr, yn ymwyr, yn ymwyr, yn ymwyr, yn ymwyr, yn ymwyr, yn ymwyr, yn ymwyr, yn ymwyr, yn ymwyr, yn ymwyr, yn ymwyr, yn ymwyr, yn ymwyr, yn ymwyr, yn ymwyr, yn ymwyr, yn ymwyr, yn ymwyr, yn ymwyr, yn ymwyr, yn ymwyr, yn ymwyr, yn ymwyr, yn ymwyr, yn ymwyr, yn ymwyr, yn ymwyr, yn ymwyr, yn ymwyr, yn ymwyr, yn ymwyr, yn ymwyr, yn ymwyr, yn ymwyr, yn ymwyr, yn ymwyr, yn ymwyr, yn ymwyr, yn ymwyr, yn ymwyr, yn ymwyr, yn ymwyr, yn ymwyr, yn ymwyr, yn ymwyr, yn ymwyr, yn ymwyr, yn ymwyr, yn ymwyr, yn ymwyr, yn ymwyr, yn ymwyr, yn ymwyr, yn ymwyr, yn ymwyr, yn y And sure, I mean, it is a truly, truly sensational house. One of the greatest haircuts you've ever seen

is a perfectly passable tie, but those are some conversational distracting testicles. So I hope I've explained economic inequality in an existence. But so. We're supposed to believe that the system is rational in this reward, like the best and the brightest. But it's like everyone acts like the trauma that these IPOs are going to cause to the city is just inevitable and natural.

It's like, oh, we're going to let a bunch of young men get very rich on companies that don't turn a profit and then make bad decisions and destroy an entire city, but boys will be boys. Like, what kind of public policy is that? Thank you, six people. Boys will be boys, like what kind of public policy is that? Thank you six people. I will have pitch forks at the exits. We are close to Russian Hill. We can get them from here.

Incidentally, thank you six people as the title of my forthcoming show is autobiography. Ys gydwch yn fwyf yn fwyf yn fwyf yn fwyf yn fwyf yn fwyf yn fwyf yn fwyf yn fwyf yn fwyf yn fwyf yn fwyf yn fwyf yn fwyf yn fwyf yn fwyf yn fwyf yn fwyf yn fwyf yn fwyf yn fwyf yn fwyf yn fwyf yn fwyf yn fwyf yn fwyf yn fwyf yn fwyf yn fwyf yn fwyf yn fwyf yn fwyf yn fwyf yn fwyf yn fwyf yn fwyf yn fwyf yn fwyf yn fwyf yn fwyf yn fwyf yn fwyf yn fwyf yn fwyf yn fwyf yn fwyf yn fwyf yn fwyf yn fwyf yn fwyf yn fwyf yn fwyf yn fwyf yn fwyf yn fwyf yn fwyf yn fwyf yn fwyf yn fwyf yn fwyf yn fwyf yn fwyf yn fwyf yn fwyf yn fwyf yn fwyf yn fwyf yn fwyf yn fwyf yn fwyf yn fwyf yn fwyf yn fwyf yn fwyf yn fwyf yn fwyf yn fwyf yn fwyf yn fwyf yn fwyf yn fwyf yn fwyf yn fwyf yn fwyf yn fwyf yn fwyf yn fwyf yn fwyf yn fwyf yn fwyf yn fwyf yn fwyf yn fwyf yn fwyf yn fwyf yn fwyf yn fwyf yn fwyf yn fwyf yn fwyf yn fwyf yn fwyf yn fwyf yn fwyf yn fwyf yn fwyf yn fwyf yn fwyf yn fwyf yn f oeddwn i'n yw i'n yw i'n yw i'n yw i'n yw i'n yw i'n yw i'n yw i'n yw i'n yw i'n yw i'n yw i'n yw i'n yw i'n yw i'n yw i'n yw i'n yw i'n yw i'n yw i'n yw i'n yw i'n yw i'n yw i'n yw i'n yw i'n yw i'n yw i'n yw i'n yw i'n yw i'n yw i'n yw i'n yw i'n yw i'n yw i'n yw i'n yw i'n yw i'n yw i'n yw i'n yw i'n yw i'n yw i'n yw i'n yw i'n yw i'n yw i'n yw i'n yw i'n yw i'n yw i'n yw i'n yw i'n yw i'n yw i'n yw i'n yw i'n yw i'n yw i'n yw i'n yw i'n yw i'n yw i'n yw i'n yw i'n yw i'n yw i'n yw i'n yw i'n yw i'n yw i'n yw i'n yw i'n yw i'n yw i'n yw i'n yw i'n yw i'n yw i'n yw i'n yw i'n yw i'n yw i'n yw i'n yw i'n yw i'n yw i billion dollars a year lost through tax evasion. Or the one million dollars a day it cost Donald Trump to go to his mara logo, floor at a wank pad. He found me there was, he found me there was some kind of solution, but there isn't. In other tech news, Barrett and they, well Donald, let's turn to Donald Trump, you're a great leader and gore and your spiritual touch down here in america our placeholder yes uh... and uh... well he's dealing with the boss of apple so uh... last week uh... in a uh... meaningless government meeting about creating jobs and uh... excuses for an action

uh... the president referred to the CEO of Apple as Tim Apple, rather than his real name, Tim God. And subsequent to the sense that the president in a private fundraiser with members of the Republican National Common Committee, denied this took place and blamed it all on fake news and said he just said, cook really quietly, but he really said, Tim cook from Apple, but you couldn't hear the cook

or the front part because fake news was lying on him once again. Well, he must get so bored all these lies that are told against him. Yeah, yeah. I mean, in many ways, he's just getting back to the basics of how names emerge. This is how surnames began, isn't it? You are what against you. Yeah, I mean, many of us need to get him back to the basics of how names emerge. This is how surname is began, isn't it?

You are what you do. Yeah. That's right. Your last name is your job. If your last name was Baker, you baked. Yeah. If your last name was F***er, you F***er. LAUGHTER Are we learning?

Are we learning? These are true facts. My last name is Al lie. My grandfather was a Czech Jew called Adolf Friedenberg and he went to England and made ball bearings for the RAF and they were like, we don't like signing invoices to an Adolf. So he changed it to Andrew Peter Fraser. Not funny, just a fact. There is no place for facts on this show, Alice, you should know that boy now. Nature News Alice, you are...

Do you think that we should skip this? No, because I've done loads of graphics for it. And I can only do that by this gig and perhaps tomorrow. We're fucking doing it. If anyone has to leave or wants to leave, I want to... I want... Fuck you, Alice! I'm so grateful for this opportunity, Andy. Just like John Oliver, all over again.

Leave. Quitter. It's like John Oliver all over again. Twitter. So I tell the story then. Tell the story about the dog. Ah, a dog who befriended a mountaineering expedition and tagged along with the managed to scale a 23,000 foot Himalayan peak. Thereby really rubbing in how what they thought was a great test of endurance and human courage was literally a walk in the park. There's an American guy called Don Walgale ski who was leading a group of mountaineers from the Catman Doobase summit club

when they were joined by this enthusiastic puppy and he just didn't leave for days and days and in fact beat them to the top of the mountain. That's what happens if you go from a place called Catmando. That's it, that is all you're getting. I do have a half written pun run about listing all the most populated American states, but I hadn't quite finished it and I've or gone on too long. This should go Nevada. That's the main thing. It is a shame to cut it off. I'd a whole load more lined up.

But I've got to stop. I'm very delaware of that. But I kind of sympathise with people who don't like this kind of thing, kind of are consort of see it anyway. There's a guy drinking a G&T down who looks like he wants to chuck it at me, but he hasn't so far. He didn't want to waste the gin, yeah. West the gin, yeah. Itester gin, yeah. Wester gin, yeah. Wester gin, yeah. But it's time to go to bed. It's definitely.

It's definitely time to go to bed. Right. Well, I've got to really, I've got to link up with the audience. Or you've got to end it. I've got to connect or cut it. Connect, connect, connect. Some people are laughing. Some people are wondering the reason for this.

It's a real mixture of heart, why? Maybe I should ask, maybe I should consult Alex on whether or not to carry on with this. I'll ask her. So thanks, gratitude to whoever was who asked for puns. Who was it again? You, Tar. Boom, right, we're done. We're done. So thanks gratitude to whoever who was who asked for puns who was it again you tar There you go that is your bugle for this week enormous thanks to everyone who came to the bugle live shows in the USA

They were fantastic fun to do and I have learned an awful lot about PowerPoint Hopefully we'll be back in the not too distant future. And special thanks to Alice and her consistent brilliance at truly ungodly hours of the morning in London for most of the tour, and then luckily that's a well more godly hour of the afternoon in Australia, but without having yet to climateise to the different time of day, so still feeling like it was a truly ungodly hour of the morning. She was, frankly, heroic. If you are in Australia, do go to see her show at the fourth coming Melbourne International Comedy Festival and elsewhere thereafter details

on her website. And if you've enjoyed NATO and Barrow Tunday, there is plenty more of them on the internet as well to look them up. And don't forget to come to those satirist for high shows at Soho 26th to 28th March, Brexit or no Brexit yet or no Brexit ever or emergency compromised trial 8-minute Brexit to see how things go. Emails to satirize this at satrisforhigher.com. Until next week, bugleers, goodbye. you