The Bugle - Dr Evil Set To Impose Million Percent Tariffs!
Episode Date: April 14, 2025This week on The Bugle, Andy is joined by Josie Long and Nato Green for a chaotic cruise through the week’s weirdest news.💰 Top Story: Tariffs (ugh, again) — but this time, we’re talking a mi...llion percent tariffs. Are we heading toward a financial apocalypse, or just another Tuesday in global trade?🗞️ America is drifting away from reality, and the news is... not helping. Meanwhile, US university funding takes another hit. Spoiler: it’s not looking good for future rocket scientists.🐀 And in Rat News from Birmingham: the rats are multiplying, they’re confident, and some may now speak English. Yes, really.🔹 Support The Bugle! Get bonus episodes, exclusive merch & warm smugness: www.thebuglepodcast.com/donate🎧 Check out our new show Realms Unknown, now fully visualized on YouTube! And if you’re passionate about passion, don’t miss A Passion for Passion – grab your copy here: https://uk.bookshop.org/shop/RealmsUnknown🔔 Don’t forget to LIKE, COMMENT, and SUBSCRIBE for your weekly dose of satirical news, politics, and comedy chaos.Produced by Chris Skinner and Laura Turner Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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the 11th of April 2025 and I'm joined today to take the pulse of the planet, to
then frantically press the planet in different areas to find a pulse, any pulse,
and then to hopefully make pa-dum pa-dum pa-dum noises to make it sound like there
is a pulse whilst pretending everything is just fine. Bye! Firstly, from San Francisco, the city where tech bros sprout from the flower beds and the birds sing in computer code,
it's Nato Green. Hello, Nato.
Hello, Andy. Hello, Buglers.
Andy, I have a confession.
Okay.
I'm not at my best today.
Right.
Because regular listeners to The Bugle will know that I am a failed comedian and
podcaster with a side hobby as a union negotiator.
And yesterday I was 13 hours at the bargaining table attempting to sort a first union contract
for 350 workers at a science museum.
One implication of that is that I'm exhausted.
The other implication of that is that I'm exhausted. The other implication
of that is that at points where bargaining got heated and people needed to cool down,
the solution was, hey, let's go have a look at the albino alligator. So that was my day
yesterday.
Right. He wasn't even in the museum. You just put him a lot.
Yeah. He was on a leash outside.
Well, you've just heard of joining us from Glasgow, where 18th century engineering superstar James Watt helped spark the Industrial Revolution with his new improved steam engine paving the way for the hyper technological age we live in today. And where John Logie Baird, the man who would go on to invent television
studies, a young man to basically the city that's ultimately responsible
for both Elon Musk and Donald Trump.
But joining us from there, it's Josie Long.
Hello, Josie.
Hello.
I'd like to stress, I'm not personally implicated.
You move there.
So, you know, it does look like you are validating.
I'm complicit.
Yeah. Yeah. And I'm doing nothing to stop it. So, you know, just, Edmund, it does look like you are validating Glasgow's behaviour.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And I'm doing nothing to stop it.
Any albino alligators roaming the streets of Glasgow today?
No, but I would see your albino alligator tiredness and I would raise it both of my
children throwing up at 4am in a holiday cottage the day we're checking out of it.
And say that, you know, some people would argue, what I just didn't fully appreciate
when I entered into becoming a parent was the sheer amount of viscera that I would have to mop.
I just think nobody said, oh, there's actually five different types of viscera you're going to be
mopping. And they'll come at random in the middle of the night.
And multiple sub categories within those five as well.
Yeah, Josie, when I became a parent a bit longer ago now than you, the big
revelation was discovering that someone else could shit my pants.
That's the problem with America, we're outsourcing everything. We are recording on the 11th of April. The 13th of April is National Scrabble Day, apparently the popular word based board game Scrabble.
It makes me think back to my greatest win in Scrabble, which was literally hours before
I became a father.
While my wife was in labor with our first child, having just had an epidural, to pass the time,
we played Scrabble and I mercilessly thrashed her.
Led off with a seven letter word, huge lead.
There was no way back from there.
It was an absolute humiliation
and still one of the most satisfying moments
of my adult life.
Oh my god!
Do your children know that?
Yes, yeah, yeah. It's good that they know where they come from. It's part of their heritage.
As always, a section of The Bugle is going straight in the bin. This week we have the
world's stupidest books, including Why the Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire has Nothing
to Teach Us Today by Llewyn Snitch, de Merita's Professor of History at the University of
For Real Life, Dr. J.L. Splatchcocks, the undiscovered plughole why rising sea
levels might not be that big a deal. The Happy Ostrich by Palimpsest Delahunt
jr. which tells us why ignoring things such as climate change, the evisceration
of democratic institutions and strange unexplained skin rashes is quite likely
to be a good idea. And also Lucian hawk hammers proof schmoof
why facts don't help in third millennium science a follow up to hawk hammers multi million
selling science schmien's just because you own a lab coat doesn't mean you're Einstein
and diagnosis schmignosis why trusting a doctor is like wearing a seatbelt on a jet ski, a
compulsive read which shows how qualified medical practitioners are an average only
6.3 times more likely to get a diagnosis right than spinning a
wheel of fortune with a load of diseases written on it. Anyway reviews of all of
those books in our section in the bin.
Top story this week the upshots of the top story from last week when we recorded
last week Donald
Trump the President of America had just launched his tariffs I don't even
know if that word is is correct as a result of which I mean you know they say
you know night inevitably follows day and day inevitably follows night mayhem inevitably follows
Trumpic policy announcement
after days of market mayhem Trump then
paused his tariffs essentially the chicken blinked the cock cocked up the turkey turned and the goose shat itself and
Now we're in a slightly bizarre situation where the terrorist is still going to happen, but not for about three months after Trump acknowledged something that he described as
transition difficulty, which is not something that he has always shown the most sympathy
for an intuitive understanding of, I think it's fair to say. NATO, you are our American decline into a vortex of inescapable disaster correspondent.
It's been a busy week for you.
Oh dear. So the stock market crashed, the Trump announced the tariffs,
the stock market crashed. And just to give you a sense of what that means for me,
at this point, my pension plan is the bugle. So that's where we are.
I, and it raised prices even further. And so I found myself saying things like,
and so I found myself saying things like, well I guess my family doesn't eat eggs anymore. The eggs are now luxury goods only available to the super rich as if the only eggs or ostrich eggs
served out to hedge fund managers on a velvet platter during a ritual on a full moon. Working
class families are singing mournful boleros to say farewell
to the last egg they're going to enjoy.
It reminds me of when I was in Cuba and there was like a black market of like egg dealers,
like drug dealers, like a man would pass you on the street and whisper huevo, huevo, huevo.
And then you would say, yes huevo.
And then you would hand him some money and he would whistle and a car would pull up and
someone would hand you a carton of eggs out the window and then the car would drive away.
So that's how America is.
There's been a big debate about how to understand the tariff policy.
Like how do you make sense of what Trump is doing?
So it was a quick multiple choice.
Is it A, a brilliant calculated master plan by the author of the Art of the Deal to simultaneously
wreck the American economy in order to justify privatizing everything and replace all social
functions with AI and crypto
while returning America to a 19th century framework
of funding government via tariffs
and abolish the income tax?
Or B, the actions of a coterie of impulsive,
grievance obsessed imbeciles who lurch from one bad idea
to another in a futile sense for anything
to fill the bottomless hole of insecurity
they all obviously have, or is it C,
the predictable result of giving chat GPT too much ketamine?
Uh.
Uh.
Uh.
Uh.
Could it not be all three of those things?
Uh.
Uh.
Uh.
Hard to say.
They're calling them reciprocal tariffs, which they are not.
Um.
Reciprocal tariffs are when both countries have a tariff on each other's imports to that
country.
But the formula for these tariffs is based on a percentage of the trade deficit divided
by the imports to that country, which is not an economic standard that has ever been used. And so the solution for the
other countries is that if they want to lower the tariffs they need to buy more
American shit which raises the question what do we have that they want? We can can offer to Vietnam or Madagascar or France guns, basketball, all you can eat
breakfast buffet, non-fat mocha with whip, the freedom not to put a you in color.
We have a lot to offer the world as America.
Josie, I know you've long been a fan of isolationists' global economic strategies.
What's your take on this?
Well, yeah, absolutely a big fan.
The biggest thing for me has been really having to accept that the word tariff has a single R in the middle and a double
F at the end. When barrel has a double R in the middle and a single L in the end,
both of these seem to me crimes against any kind of reason, just as a basic thing.
And it's something that I can't get beyond as I try to examine and understand this story.
Every time I try to write the word tariff, I put two R's in it.
I think you've probably still gone a little deeper into how international economics works
than Trump himself, though.
And it's less silly.
I mean, it is genuinely less silly. You were talking about what the US has to
offer. And I've actually gone into this because obviously there's been a bit a lot of grand
standing between the US and China. And I always love it when China kind of cattily snaps back
against the West because I feel like they have so much power and they're doing things so
successfully within their country. But every time they do, I'm just like, drag us. Drag us so f**king
hard. Like I remember when the UK-
You're such a sub, Josie.
I'm a bratty sub, what can I say? I really remember there was a time in the UK where we were really put down by, I
think it was the Chinese ambassador who was just like, China is not in competition
with the United Kingdom.
Okay.
You are not a competitor to us.
We are a fact to you.
Sit back and shut up.
I looked at what the US is main export to China is,
and it's soybeans for pigs.
Not even for humans, soybeans to feed their pigs.
Isn't that a subservient export?
It's pathetic.
Like, and also I was thinking,
good for soybeans for pigs, you know?
Soybeans for pigs are having their day in the sun. I would never, and they would never,
to be fair to them, have put themselves as the main character in any news story.
Then they're looking at the league table, they're higher than petroleum. They are top of the league
at 9% of US exports to China. They can't believe it. I can't believe it. It's a wonderful day.
Josie, just on the soybean for pigs issue.
Yeah, continuing on the soybean for pigs issue. Yeah.
Yeah. It could be crippling for China to cut off their supply of American soybean for pigs
because obviously
we all know that China doesn't have land on which they could grow crops, or people who
could tend those crops, or any familiarity with soy as a agricultural staple, despite
the fact that they've been eating tofu since I looked it up, the Han dynasty in the second
century BC.
So it raises an important question, which is why is China's biggest import from the US something that they are famous for?
And there is an obvious answer, which is that Chinese pigs are snobs and prefer
the superior mouthfeel and hints of sandalwood and black current finish
of American soybeans.
Chinese pigs live better than the American proletariat.
Just thinking back to a story from a while ago, when David Cameron was prime minister,
he made a big thing about a deal that he struck to export British pig semen to China.
So when that does back up, you know, that they only want the absolute best.
The British pig's bluff is all that Chinese lady pigs will accept.
This is, this is barely on topic, Andy, but I must share this with the world.
The other day I was on a bus and the woman next to me was googling
how much does it cost to send semen abroad. So even in this age of tariffs there are still
entrepreneurs willing to take on very important jobs. It's interesting you describe it as silly
because that was those are the words used by a Harvard economist quoted in the New York Times
described as totally silly. There's no other way to say it. It makes no sense. But Andy,
Elon Musk clapped back at that and said a PhD in economics from Harvard is actually bad, not good. So well, okay, fair enough.
And who are we to disillusion the lad?
I mean, that is perhaps the highest praise that Trump's actions have received from the
non-Trump community.
Totally silly is a rather more positive angle than many have gone.
Bumsley Horridge of the international multi-drillion dollar sludge fund Capito Gasmich Capital described Trump's higher program as like feeding 10
cocaine-addled porcupines to a hippo it's not gonna end well for either party.
Julia Strieve of the Organization of Strategic Hegemonic International
Transactional Ethics or O'Shyte described it as like plonking your
willy on a barbecue and claiming it's
a sausage. People will take a long while to trust you as a chef again. Whilst GK3000XQX,
the one of the leading AI bots, do you still think you can't trust us, you bunch of fleshy
losers? So it's, I mean, really has shaken up the economic world. The China, or tit for tat, eye for an eye, scrotum for a scrotum, revenge
tariffing, has now shunted the tariffs up beyond the 100% mark, which is, I mean, I think that's
not enough. I think having gone past 100%, you might as well just keep going. I will not be satisfied with this trade war until we are
looking at a million percent tariffs on goods between China and America. Reciprocal million
percent tariffs. That will give the world something to cling to. Also very exciting for people who
accidentally order something small off of Tmoo. You know, you're spending 40 pence, you think?
The chief executive of JP Morgan Chase said his bank is, quote, absolutely shitting kittens
at the state of the global bond markets. Not in those words. So when I said quite, I didn't
actually mean. But the inference was clear. Gold is one of the few things that has been
standing up reasonably well in the international markets. All those rust belt voters who backed Trump to sort the universe
out for them just need to sit on their bullion reserves a little while longer to really cash
in on the benefits of their chosen one. But yeah, I mean, once again, it's just further
proof. You know, in the who can come up with a more sensible solution competition that
we've seen with the Middle
East, we've seen with Ukraine. In this case, on the global economy, it's a competition
between the president of the USA and Bertrand the uncontrollably vomiting buffalo, then you're
going to go with Bertie and his cauldron of Chanda as a more stable plan for the world
to cling to.
As I would say, as somebody who really was subjected to a lot of vomit this morning,
I, you know, I'm happy to go with the accelerationists, the nihilists and the small mammals who are
very often the biggest winners in mass extinction events. You know?
Yeah.
I said, tariff it up. Keep going. I think there's something in this as well that is very funny to me.
I read, JD Vance was very catty or tried to be very withering about Chinese peasants,
and I was reading the article because JD Vance is being scathing about China.
Then I started to read a quote, which was that, it says, what has the globalist
economy got the United States is based on two things in carrying a huge amount of debt to buy things that other countries
make for us. And I was like, yeah, drag them China. And I was like, oh, no, that's, that's JD Vance talking about the
actions of his party and capitalism, as if he didn't do all those things.
It's very weird to me that they've set up this order where the United States exploits
other countries and now they're like, oh, I can't believe this has happened. It has
nothing to do with us. We should punish everyone else. It's very weird to me. And then I was
thinking, oh yeah, all he wants is for the
normal people going into debt, for those debts to be to people in the United States.
They took our sweatshops and we're going to go get our sweatshops back.
Exactly. It's not saying the sweatshops are bad. It's saying why can't we have more of
those fires in the shirt waste factory?
That's right. Yeah. We, we, we, we, we missed the glory days when teenage immigrant women had to leap out of burning buildings because of unsafe working conditions and men were men.
I got very excited about the whole, um, they're trying to sell this as a masculine revival.
It's so wild to me how they think that if you just say enough culture war stuff,
it will override material conditions.
Well, let's not jump to conclusions, Josie.
We've just got to give it to them.
They've got four years to make that come true.
Well, what was weird for me is like to hear Trump sort of idealizing blue collar workers and blue
collar workers big strong hands, I was like, is Donald Trump also a recent divorcee on
a voyage of sexual adventure?
Well, that could make the next four years unmissable television.
Already will be. But I mean it should be said that
even if global market mayhem does catapult the world into economic catastrophe that takes years, perhaps even decades to recover from,
the resurgence of masculinity will be a price worth paying for the resurgence of masculinity.
Masculinity has of course been one of the most enduringly popular and successful contributors
to the sum of human misery and the journey of humanity
to the precipice of oblivion.
And many have expressed a concern
about the decline of traditional masculine values,
such as immovable stubbornness, a steadfast refusal
to recognize your own shortcomings and failures,
and the testosterone-driven assumption
that the best way to find an evolutionary mate
is to roar like a lion, chop down a tree with your penis, throw bear in the air when something exciting
happens at a sporting event and take the stupidest available
option at all time. So at least that is some good to come out of
this. This chaos. Another good to come out of it is that a lot
of people have been making some pretty good money out of it.
There have been accusations of insider trading after Donald
Trump, Donald Trump wrote this is a great time to
buy on his truth social web website, shortly before
announcing his tariff, climb down. And to me, this is
progress. It's good to see the insider trading is now honest
and out in the open. The when you know, the president is
confident enough in his mandate from the people to conduct
his insider trading through publicly available social media, I think this is a huge step
forward for human corruption.
I was very excited to see that there had been the sharpest single day gain in stocks since
2008, which is a year that has no negative financial associations.
Well, I was thinking that the world's 500 wealthiest people, apparently, on Liberation Day,
in the 24 hours after Trump, Trump unleashed his tariff storm, their combined wealth dropped by $208 billion.
They then regained $304 billion after the 90-day cease mayhem that Trump announced on
Wednesday.
The 500 then, of course, pledged instantaneously and automatically to share their added $96
billion of wealth by buying a luxury sofa and armchair set worth
$9,600 for 10 million randomly selected poor people from around the world
Before the markets then shape-shifted and readjusted once again
And they realized they had now lost that 96 billion again
And the 10 million poor people owed them $100 each to cover administrative fees
But such is the way that the global economy works
fees. But such is the way that the global economy works. The retraction of the tariffs would just sort of be described as a step back from the cliff edge. But the problem
with that seems to be stepping back from the cliff edge in order to take an even longer
and faster run up so that they can jump further across the canyon. So that doesn't necessarily
mean you will have a smoother landing when you hit the bottom of the canyon. So, and that doesn't necessarily mean you will have a smoother
landing when you hit the bottom of the canyon. So we should remember that.
Destabilizing as the tariffs have been, I did cherish some hope that like,
Trump's stupidity messing with the wealth of the ruling class, like they don't,
the global elites don't mind if Trump wants to round people up and put them into deportation
concentration camps, but if he starts just casually chucking aside billions of dollars
in their assets, that's the kind of thing where you feel like the Illuminati step in.
It's funny when you don't really have a horse in the race, you know, where either of them
having negative consequences is good, you know?
It's like when Elon Musk is falling out with people in the government.
It's like, I would love to see you both being harmed here.
Right.
We did see that, a very a public falling out this week.
Elon Musk described Trump's trade advisor, Peter Navarro, as being dumber than a sack
of bricks.
So that's, for those of you who slightly got behind on the story, Elon Musk is the civilization-sundering
tech tornado and failure to avoid doing things that look like Nazi salutes celebrity. And he is not a happy plutocratic bunny. Tesla's
share price has been banging cowbells at itself as it slides downhill amidst the Trumpo terrific
turbulence and the understandably growing reluctance of people around the world to drive
cars associated with a man who does not, I think it's fair to say,
disassociate himself from fascism quite as much as you would like if you're the kind of car owner that likes to enjoy a quiet Sunday drive
without the nagging thought that your choice of automobile is boosting the rise of the far-right and the demolition of democracy. So it's been a bit of a tricky time for
Musk. Dumber than a sack of bricks though was in fact one of the stipulations on the job
prospectors for being Trump's top trade advisor and also economists have suggested that a sack of
bricks would in fact be a more reliable advisor than any human that Donald Trump would himself
pick because whilst not necessarily coming up with its own suggestions on the economy and trade,
the sack of bricks would at least not suggest completely f***ing ludicrous things, nor would
it obligingly and grovelingly support the president's latest whim.
In fact, the Bugles AI economic predictogram has suggested that if all Trump appointees
were sacks of bricks, the US economy would currently be doing 12.4%
better.
And if the president himself was also a sack of bricks, the global economy would be on
the precipice of a historic boom.
So again, a little shred of optimism to cling to in these troublesome times.
Earth freezing over news now and by Earth I mean American government funding for certain
universities after pro-Palestinian protests.
Josie, Cornell University has had a billion dollars of funding blocked at Northwestern
University, close to 800 million dollars in federal funding following protests.
As previously noted on the bugle, Donald Trump was democratically elected in a free vote
to dismantle democracy and undermine freedom.
So we can't really argue with it, but what exactly is going on here?
Well, it's very depressing to see a punishment that is undeserved, a punishment that's completely
overreaching and a punishment that does not follow logically from what it's stated that it's doing.
So what they're doing is taking away, for example, funding, they're taking away
for funding from Northwestern University, but these are grants and contracts where
the universities are aiding the government, they are aiding world knowledge,
they are doing useful and important things. Some of the things that have been cut in Northwestern, for example,, they are aiding world knowledge, they are doing useful and important things.
Some of the things that have been cut in Northwestern, for example, is they are cutting research
that is fueling the fight against Alzheimer's, which, you know, given the average age of
the people doing the cutting feels like a very self-defeating thing. But then they're
cutting research, they're cutting federal funding
for researchers for the world's smallest pacemaker.
And when you hear that, you think, so many hamsters are going to die.
And for what?
What did they do?
You know, just because they're Syrian?
Well, that puts everything in perspective. It's because we're American and we want bigger pacemakers.
You want to see a hamster struggling to drag along a pacemaker,
ideally in the back of the truck.
I want to be able to see the pacemaker from across the street.
Open carrier pacemaker.
Well we will have further coverage of the end times of all humanity on the bugle over
the next however long it takes. Man dressed as rat makes political point news now and, well, things might not be going too
well broadly across the world and across the UK, but what we have in this country is a
lot of people with the willingness to dress up in stupid costumes to make a point, whether that is on a stag do, or doing a charity fun run,
or in this case, going to a council meeting in Birmingham to highlight the issue of rubbish
across the city. There's been a strike of Birmingham's rubbish collectors that has resulted
in almost 20,000 tonnes of rubbish being strewn, uncollected across the city.
And a man went into a council meeting in a full rat outfit.
Now, local politics in the UK does not always grab the nation's attention.
But I think the headline man dressed as rat now polling at 98.4 percent
approval as voters turn to rubbish expert rodent species
to sort out their problems
over humans. I think that is a huge boost for local politics and what it can truly achieve.
It had been assumed that the intervention was a man in a rat outfit, although the bin crisis has
become so extreme that it is possible that Birmingham's rats have speed evolved over the
last few weeks to become human size as of course
famously happened in many cities in England during the 14th century plague epidemics.
Jo, did you see this as the future for British politics that really people will now only take,
pay any attention to people who are either in fancy dress or pretending to be another species?
What I'd like to make a point on behalf of my beautiful adopted city of Glasgow, the greatest city in the
world, to say that this rat in Birmingham is a scab rat and a fraud. This rat has come out against
union workers on strike. Whoever this rat is, they will undo. They'll undo the rat costume and they'll
find a rat, a metaphorical rat.
They'll find an absolute slug under there because someone is doing that to undermine
a strike.
And I'll tell you something, not only are they doing that to undermine a strike, but
they are a fraud and a copycat and they have stolen it from Glaswegian strike patter because
Chris Mitchell, one of the absolute union heroes of Glasgow,
the convener of the GMB,
Chris Mitchell, the GMB union hero of Glasgow,
they had a big campaign for the workers on strike using giant rats.
They had a great giant rat mascot,
a beloved, dare I say, by all,
for the bin men and the bin lorries,
to take this man's beautiful
Glaswegian work, to distort it through the magic mirror of union busting, to take that
to the council? It just yet again makes me so glad I've renounced England. That's
the difference between Scotland and England. My giant rats are fighting for the working
man and your giant rats are fighting against
them.
Not just the working man.
I just got distracted by the earlier talk of the kismet.
In America, in American Union stuff, we have like a 10 or 15 foot inflatable rat that
we blow up on the picket lines to represent the scabs.
And there's actually been legal cases where some employers have gotten injunctions against
Scabby the rat.
And so then the union would retaliate by bringing out Scabby the
skunk because the injunction specifically named a rat.
That's why the rat's shown up in Birmingham. You can't get the work anymore in the States.
He's scabbing even on that.
The bins strike has come as a result of Birmingham council having basically completely run out
of anything even slightly resembling money. It's facing a three quarters of a billion pound bill for equal pay
claims. It's also the cost of an IT system that turned out to have had an S and an H before the
I and the T and government cuts of around one billion pounds over the last decade because the
government logically can't get the conclusion that if local authorities have not yet learned how to
monetize their children,
old people, bags of rubbish, benches and vulnerable, well frankly, you have to ask if they ever will.
There are concerns that if the bin strike is not resolved within the next 20 years, the Birmingham Rubbish Mountain could become a sentient trash city
and start roaming around the northern hemisphere uncontrollably, I'm sure we've heard that somewhere before,
and that the smell of two decades of uncollected garbage could cause the entire Midlands region
before and that the smell of two decades of uncollected garbage could cause the entire Midlands region to shear itself off from the UK and escape across the Atlantic before attaching
itself to Newfoundland and Canada leaving a giant cavity in central England which would now become
a donut nation. Also at the other end of the scale, London has fallen out of the top five wealthiest
cities in the world with millionaires fleeing for their lives, fleeing for their
fortunes I think. The question is why are so many of the super wealthy leaving London? One theory
is that the wealthy community contains a higher than national average proportion of self-serving
egotists with absolutely no sense of social responsibility. A second theory is that that
first theory is correct. A third theory is that the British Society of Millionaires has hatched a secret plan
to spread its membership around the country to divest their wealth into community schemes
and public facilities that will spark a new era of utopian egalitarianism across the land.
And a fourth theory is that that third theory is total bullshit.
A fifth theory is that the 18 centi millionaires, so that's a hundred million pounds or more
of personal wealth, are all off on rival expeditions to find buried treasure in the Amazon.
And a sixth theory is that the government secretly sold London's centi millionaires
to a breeding program in the Cayman Islands where they will try to create baby billionaires
that emerge straight from the laboratory with an inbuilt understanding of how to manipulate
the global economy.
So we'll keep you updated on that.
In all likelihood, what they're doing is just getting on a private jet
and going to one of their many other houses in another country.
For a bit.
For a while, until all this cools down.
Well, on that note, it seems an appropriate time to end this podcast.
Thank you very much for listening, Buglers.
We will be back in about a week and a half, the news quiz is back on Radio 4 next week,
so we're shifting back to Monday recordings mostly for the next few weeks.
Nato, anything to plug? I'm on a bit of a tour. April 19th at the
Den Theatre in Chicago, April 22nd at the Throckmorton Theatre in Mill Valley,
California, May 8th at the Hereafter in Seattle, May 9th at the Blue Room in
Bellingham, Washington. I do not have like a big apparatus behind me, so like the
some of these gigs are coming about because fans like went to
their, the, somebody went to their theater in Bellingham and convinced
them to reach out and book me.
So, uh, people rise up and demand NATO in your town and I'll come talk to you.
Um, so, uh, and it's been great to see buglers on the, on the road.
Josie.
Um, I am doing a number of preview shows for my new show that I'm writing now is The Time
of Monsters, which is going to be in Edinburgh at the Fringe, 7pm at the Queendome every
night.
And I would love people to come to the preview shows I'm doing.
I've got some in Glasgow, I've got a couple in London, I'm just knocking about.
God knows how you'll find out about them them but I feel like people are very smart and if they want things
bad enough they make them happen don't they? Other than that I'd just like it
known that I am available for any lucrative work especially for my gentle
soft voice and so if you would like to pay me thousands of pounds in any
capacity I will consider those offers of wealth.
Thank you so much.
I have two small children.
Thank you.
I also, I wanna continue my offer of,
if anyone has any jobs outside of the United States
that will give me and my family political asylum,
cause we are ready to flee the crumbling ashes of empire.
Yeah.
This is a real flee as well. We'rea as well. It's not a fake flea. Well there you go buglers consider yourselves thoroughly plugged and if anyone can either
provide Josie with thousands of pounds or a motor with political asylum do email us at
hellobuglerbuglepodcaster. If you enjoyed this bugle why not join our bugle voluntary subscription scheme to
help keep this show free, flourishing and independent?
Go to thebuglepodcast.com and click the donate button.
Until next time, goodbye.