The Bugle - Ethics, Olympics and Bombogenesis (4218)

Episode Date: February 2, 2022

Andy is with Alice Fraser and Tiff Stevenson. What's the bombogenesis? Is the Winter Olympics a good thing and OMFG what is happening in Britain right now?Please read this ffs:This show has no ads, support us via our website with a regular or one off donationBuy a loved one Bugle Merch Follow us on YouTube or Insta and see parts of this show with actual video.The Bugle is hosted this week by:Andy ZaltzmanAlice FraserTiff StevensonProduced by Ross Ramsey Golding and the legendary Chris Skinner. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Dancelaguard fans, you will be thrilled to know a book is coming out if you fund it via Unbound. We are publishing the Dancelaguard Reader by Alice Fraser and Dancelaguard, a glorious insight into the world of Dancelaguard, self-published romance maven, and online bestseller. If you would like to find out how to support it, go to thebugelpodcast.com. If we get enough support, we will publish the book. That's a real thing that's going to happen. Thebugelpodcast.com to support the Danciler Guard Reader. A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A Audio newspaper for a visual world! Hello, Buglers, and welcome to issue 4,218 of the Bugle Audio newspaper for a visually weeping world with me and his ultimate, the city where if I open the door right now, on Tuesday the 1st of February 2022, you can still hear the echo of British democracy saying,

what the f*** was that, and calling for its priest? Joining me to discuss this and all other news in the known universe this week from Australia, Alice Fraser. Hello, Andy, hello, Bueglers, it's good to be back. And by that, I mean, you've left. So we're at the correct distance from one. Yes, it's good to have reclaimed your country from the the invasion of a of a lapsed Jew. Is that what you say? I got to say that sounds like what you're saying. It was not what I was saying, but take it as you like, Andy. Actually, I was thinking the other day, it was it was sad that you weren't in this hemisphere anymore So you have to do something to alienate yourself for my affections once more. All right, okay

I'm quite I'm quite good after that said that's a that's a natural skill set of the privately educated British man Also joining us from Well, just north of me here in London. It's Tiffany Stevenson from, well, just north of me here in London, it's Tiffany Stevenson. Hello. Hi, Tiff. I missed a solid two months of winter. That's how I went to watch England get humiliated at cricket.

How's winter treated you? It's been all right. I mean, there was some of, there was a little bit of, there's a little bit of chilly weather over the last couple of days, but it hasn't been too bad. I haven't yet. What I like to do is go down to Kenwood House and do some kind of trying to skid down hills. I'm very ineffective at it, but yeah. And when it snows, it's kind of at that in-between thing now, where I was sort of like wish it would snow,

so that we could have the proper snow weather, rather than just absolutely freezing. And when it snows, it's kind of at that in-between thing now, I was sort of like wish it would snow so that we could have the proper snow weather rather than just absolutely freezing. So yeah, hopefully some snow will come soon. And but it is rude that you've actually gone and enjoyed some heat. I'm very, very, well, yes. Me and heat don't really get on particularly well.

I mean, Alice, you are as well with horse. It's English, man. Yes, you're using a fan in, you know, an impressively 18th century style. You said it's 80% humidity. Now, I've never quite understood percent humidity because between me 100% is just water. Yes. That's liquid water, isn't it? Yes, yeah, yeah. So basically, this kind of level of humidity is where it's hot. And that's fine. It's fine to be hot. Hot is nice.

You can do things in a heat. But the humidity is where you walk out and you're immediately just wet, just 100% wet all over. You're just moist. There's no dignity. What you're describing is there's no dignity. It's all just a range of other people's armpit stains. It's everyone wills immediately. There is nothing that you can do except lie in the shade flaccidly and wait for something to take root.

We are recording on the 1st of February 2022. It's February, F**k, which day? I knew and much needed this calendar to end April, full stay here in the UK. As always, section of the bugle is going straight in the bin. This week we have practice exam questions, as we build up towards the school exams later in the summer. But this is for any children growing up in the world as it is today. Practice math question is this if Vladimir has amassed 120,000 troops on the Ukrainian border. And in response, Joe has placed one-fourteenth of that number on alert and quite a moderately serious alert as well. Whilst Boris can't be asked to have a conversation with Vladimir about it because he's busy trying to persuade his friends that lying is fine,

an Olaf has promised to send some special hats and brave boyplasters to help out the Ukraine, but Xi is keen not to disturb his special sports day. How concerned, as a percentage, should Andy be that a massive war is about to break out? Please show your working. For a loss of a question, a few kids to practice ethics, schmetics discuss. Geography now. How far away is too far away to give a shit? A. You pray. B. Myan Ma.

C. Afghanistan. D. Jingjiang or E. All of the above. And finally, a politics question. Explain the current situation in British politics, without using the phrases, nothing but a withered husk, sad parody of a functioning democracy, and is unfortunately governed by a bunch of incompetent and shameless s**t. But also in the bin this week, we have a commemorative football transfer window section. The English Premier League has announced that despite an increase in the number of transfers during this January transfer window, it has still broken its existing record for fewest

actual transfers per 1,000 transfer rumors. The F.A.'s cheap, high-position Kevin Zennephon snudge explained the previous record was 0.93 transfers per 1000 rumours set in the unforgettable 2017 window but with an increased investment in groundless pifflage we managed to bring that down to just 0.68 per per 1000 this year we remain on course for having an entirely imagined transfer window by the 2033 34th season. That section also in the bin. Top story this week and well as I said at the start if you're listening to this week's bugle in the United Kingdom and you can hear some strange sounds in the background. It could be one of a number of things. If you hear a worrying sound, that's probably millions and millions of people spinning in their

graves that while this country will become, if you hear a scraping sound, that could be the ghost of the war dead scrubbing Boris Johnson and Jacob Reesmog's metaphorical urine off the Senate off. If you hear a coughing, ironically a new and persistent cough, that is everyone in the country with a functioning memory who endured the privations of COVID, whether or not they thought they were right, who maybe saw loved ones down COVID, whether or not they thought they were right, who maybe saw loved ones down a Zoom call, or have seen their children's love of learning drain away

through the drab functionality of remote learning, or who sat alone contemplating the bleakness of solitude, trying to at least draw a blush of shame from the cheeks of the Prime Minister. And if you hear the popping of champagne corks, that's everyone in the country snapping out of that cough, thinking great, we can run the, yeah, I made a bit of a mistake defense. Let's get stuck in to whatever the fuck we want to do. These truly are strange times. If we finally

had the sugray report, the much awaited sugray report after a prolonged investigation into all the parties held in Downing Street and Westminster and whether or not they broke the law. And it came up with nine pages of vagueness because the Metropolitan Police had told Sue Gray not to include anything about all the things they were investigating. So we're in a strange situation where we have a report that explicitly found a lack of leadership in Downing Street, which is now viewed to have shorted up Boris Johnson's leadership. We have criminal investigations into actions at the heart of government that are viewed to have saved the Prime Minister's bacon. It's very hard to get your head around exactly what has been going on. I mean, you are the

Bugles cake and ethics correspondence. I don't know if that's new to you or not. Just explain what the f*** is going on. It's, I listen, you said the Sue Gray report, Andy, but it's actually the Sue Gray teaser report. You know they're like when someone drops a track before releasing the whole album and you're like, may Sue Gray's on Spotify for a couple of bangers, can't wait for the full album to be released. I mean she's carried out interviews with over 70 individuals, it says some more than once, exam and relevant documentary and digital documentary and digital information, emails, WhatsApp messages, text messages, photographs, building entry and exit

logs, etc, etc. So shortly after the report, Prime Minister Boris Johnson said, firstly, I want to say sorry and I'm sorry for the things we simply didn't get right. Also sorry for the way this matter has been handled. He's that guy you really wanted to date in your 20s. Weeing all over the place. He's we, we didn't get it right. We made mistakes. There's no personal accountability whatsoever

about the fact that you know, you set the rules in the highest position, the highest office in the land, you set the rules and repeatedly broke them whilst expecting us to follow them. And then, for some reason yesterday, he brought Jimmy Savillin. And no one knows why, presumably waiting for Reeves Mog to say now then, now then, which is a phrase they share in the commons and Jimmy Savill. But the kind of what aboutery we're all hoping for, won't we? You know, he said that Starmer failed to prosecute Jimmy Savile, which is incorrect, but who cares about facts when you can base policies

and debate of memes? And the reason, so here's what's happened here, right? I believe this strategy is what they call the dead cat debate, which is, I'm going to blame Australia for this, Alice, because it was Boris's political strategist, Linton Crosby, who bought this technique to Boris. Now, you can't, the problem with this is the tactics don't work when you've been gloating about them for years. Like, so he's basically on record of saying about Crosby, his advice was there's one thing that's absolutely certain about throwing a dead cat on the dining room table. I don't mean that people will be outraged,

alarmed and disgusted, that's true, but irrelevant. The key point says my Australian friend is that everyone will shout, geez mate, there's a dead cat on the table. In other words, they'll be talking about the dead cat. The thing you want them to talk about and they will not be talking about the issue that has been causing you so much grief. So he's about the dead cat. The thing you want them to talk about and they will not be talking about the issue that has been causing you so much grief. So he's thrown

a dead cat. It's an expired feline in a gold tracksuit and he's getting Reeze Mog to point and laugh at it and is hoping that that means we'll all just look at this dead cat in the middle of the commons and completely ignore the fact that he repeatedly broke the rules. Sue Gray's report, as you mentioned, after all the people she spoke to, it ended up with a nine-page report. Well, it was a 12-page report, but three of the pages were blank, and she's handed over 300 photographs and 500 documents to the police. And so we've ended up with nine pages of splodged out,

redacted, despecificated, forcibly disemble generalities. But reading between the lines, there is a simple message. And that message is a country which keeps this man as Prime Minister is an idiot and a party which keeps him as its leader is a stone-cold, irretrievable shithead. But it's been hazy. I don't think they call themselves party anymore. They just call themselves a workplace function.

The police have said this investigation will take brace yourselves listeners, less than a year. This is the same police who were ignoring these things for over a year. It is such a bafflingly unsatisfactory state of affairs and the conservatives have rallied around Johnson. He said he will publish the full sugray report after the police have finished their less than a year long investigation. By which time on the current moral trajectory of the government, we'll probably look back on this as an ethical golden age compared to whatever depth they're plumbing. I don't know if there would be drowning children in barrels in the House of Commons. So they're now relying on the law of democratic amnesia by which voters gradually forget the trails, incompetencies and political delinquencies perpetrated on them. And sort of working out that complicated

electoral equation, the radioactive half-life of Boris Johnson's failings and fumbleings and currently apparently deciding it's okay. I mean, this is what we are as a nation now. This is all we have. So there's been a lot of argument from Johnson's, I don't know what, the term is enablers at the supporters saying, oh, it's just cake. You need to get it in perspective. Conor Burns, the government minister said he was ambushed with a cake. I don't know, kind of Julius

Caesar, et to fru-tay. Colleagues have sprung to Johnson's defence claiming he'd had bad advice. But that's slightly the thing with being Prime Minister is you get advice and you have to act on it and make your decisions. It's any bad advice. Also, he was feeling a bit tired because he ended his nap and he just watched the film purge where crime is legal for one day a year and with big confusion. I mean, this is not so much one rule for some and another rule for another. There's no rules for us and a mother load of deeply restrictive and often baffling laws for everyone else. And yet, they're still, it just, I cannot understand how he's still in his job. It seems, I mean, it's trying to explain this to my children and you know who sort of told us learn about British values and the other wonders of democracy and there's just there's just no

work I can all I can say is this can we watch this bought instead but that's the only possible. How many votes of no confidence does it take to change your light bulb? Yeah is it is it like 57 or something? I think there's only votes of no confidence as it take. To change your light bulb. Yeah, is it like 57 or something? I think there are only 54 letters to the 1922 committee. Right. Which, yeah, I mean, look, if you listen to this and you're wondering what we're talking about in order to unseated

Prime Minister, there needs to be 54 written letters to a committee called, named after the year that its members want to return Britain to. That just tells you everything you need to know about our democracy at last week. 54 letters for no confidence and for me is just wearing my hair up. That will immediately reduce my confidence. A Tory MP Edward Lee said last week, when Europe stands on the brink of war and there's a cost of living crisis, can we please have a sense of proportion over the prime minister being given a piece of cake in his own office by his own staff, which won him the Jacob Reesmog Memorial Gold Award for willfully misrepresenting the issue at hand.

I mean, the year but Ukraine defends just does not stand up. For us to also, the cost of living crisis is in large parts due to the government's own actions over not one, not two, but almost 12 years now. So asking people to concentrate on that rather than the cake is rather Al Capone's lawyer saying, forget about the tax thing, let's focus in on the ganglion's claims, please.

Existence about cake in the same way that the criticism of Neville Chamberlain was about his liking for scrappy little pieces of paper as his preferred form of stationary. It is inside. Remember Andy, cake is not a real drug. I mean, do you know what constitutes a party? I don't, Tiff, but I'm hoping you might have known someone who can explain that to me. Well, I've asked around and it turns out that Scottish boyfriend can explain a

thing and that thing is going to be Per Ease. Here's how to ken if you're at a party or two. Like if there's two of you, it's not a party. If there's six of you, it could no a party If there's six of you, it could be a party Unless you're related to them, in which case it's no a party If you're at a pub, I'm not low-dye But you're all at separate tables, it's no a party If there's low-dye, but it's during the day, it's no a party If there's low-dye, and it's during the day, and you're at work, but you're all drunk

Then it's a party Unless none of you can, that anybody is drunk. That's just a coping strategy. If there's a clown, it's definitely a party. Unless it's at number 10. Unless it's at number 10, in which case it's just a date, the office. If a party happens in the woods and Sue Gray is near there today at a report on it, did it really happen? Likewise, if you only part you could go to within the cabinet office, would you probably know still have mere fun sitting next to the Queen at a funeral? Well, that's made it all clear. I think that's quite so safe. Yeah, it's good. We all know where we stand legally and ethically. Last week, to sort of highlight the nature of the government,

Theodore Agnew, who is the Minister for Anti-Corruption, stepped down live while speaking in the House of Lords, and he said that a combination of arrogance, indolence, and ignorance was freezing the government machine and stopping it from dealing with multi-billion pound fraud losses resulting from COVID and other sources. Get a form of that alliteration. Agnolence, arrogant, indolence and ignorant also, three characters in the controversial new Disney

adaptation of the Snow White story. And also a review I won't receive for an Edinburgh festival show. But the extent of COVID fraud is quite spectacular. Again, it shows, again, what we've become as a nation under the ethical leadership that we have. Essentially, I mean, they've just written off 4.3 billion pounds of missing money from COVID grants. Money that is essentially stealing the pencils from our children's hands and the oxygen tanks from our Weezing granis, a thousand companies received bounce back COVID-loans, despite the fact that they were not even trading at the time. And Agnew described this as a schoolboy error, which I think is under what? A, it's giving schoolboys maybe slightly more credits for their fraudulence skills

they deserve. But also, school wearer is currently Boris Johnson's secret service code name. Oh, I was just thinking that probably sounds like what he says when he climaxes. Winter Olympics news now and well, we are just days away from the starts of the 2022 Beijing Olympics. The Olympics actually have already been a success on one measure. I mean that there are rumors that Vladimir Putin was at least decelerated in his militarism and his urge to invade Ukraine by Xi Jinping asking him not to do it while the Winter Olympics was on. So it's ironic, is it not, that the Winter Olympics have stopped things in the Ukraine going downhill very fast. there. It's already been a success. What are you most looking forward to in this, the Beijing Winter Olympics sports watching twice as white as most Olympics?

Well, Andy, I mean, the Winter Olympics is my favourite Olympics, otherwise known as the less good Olympics, the most lying down, the one thing holding off the invasion of Ukraine by Russia. My favorite bit of this is that China has accused the United States of paying athletes to create disturbances during the Beijing Winter Olympics. So this is Chinese state media. This isn't just some conspiracy theory online. This is an incredible claim that they're going to sabotage the Olympics by playing, quote unquote, playing passively or refusing to take parts in competitions, which hasn't happened yet. Let me be clear. Also expressing discontent toward China, either subtly or overtly. So if any athlete is coming out onto the field, I don't know, the windry Olympics onto the cold bit, looking less than entirely satisfied, it's

going to be taken as an attack on China by America, which I think is pretty wild. On the surface of political protests by athletes, the athletes are under pressure not to rock the extremely expensive propaganda boats. No political statements are allowed. IFC Olympic guidance has no form of advertising or other publicity is allowed in Olympic sites and also their guidelines directly prohibit demonstration of political religious or racial propaganda in Olympic venues. Now these, it should be said that the political, religious and racial propaganda are allowed at certain times of the Olympics cycle, for example, when appointing the host

cities and then when flatly ignoring the actions of the host nation in the years before, during and after the Olympics held that. And you can sort of understand, if the IEC's point of view, because the cost of hosting these events, not just the Olympics, but World Cup things that are rising and fewer and fewer cities and countries are willing to host them. So there's a great concern that if athletes to send is tolerated, then the kind of regimes that are still prepared to pile billions of dollars into hosting events to massise their international reputations might then decide that having a load of unusable stadiums, stully rotting as a general approach to political

short-termism is not the best way to spend their ethics laundering budget. So they're very future of the Olympics is at stake. So don't come back. We're talking about purifying the internet as well, the purification of the internet in China before that is a big job. I think even Hercules at his peak, I've said, no, no, I'm out, I'm out on that one. If you've seen how much porn there is on there, how much time do you have? We will have full exclusive coverage on the Winter Olympics over the next couple of weeks. We are the only media outlet allowed to report on them apparently. In other winter news, the US East Coast has been hammered by a bombo genesis snowstorm, which is one of those things that sounds a lot more fun than it is, like he bowler. Sounds like a youth pastor trying to bring people in on the...

Coolness of you, Michael. It does sound like a reggae album, the Bomba Genesis. That's what I was laughing at the name rather than the effects, but it's a bomb site clone, isn't it? It's just quite American to give them such blockbuster names, because there was like the polar vortex at one point wasn't there, but I do like the Bombogener says one man against the storm that wouldn't quit bomb cyclone starring the rock and also a rock

There's the word treacherous is being thrown about with with abandon, which is always fun, isn't it? Well, when it comes to weather, treacherous weather is weather that looks like it's fine and then stabs you in the back. So for example, I would call it a day in Sydney treacherous because you look out the window and you think, what a fine looking day and then you walk out and you're immediately wet. I cannot emphasize how wet I am right now. My knees are sweating and my knees. At the other end of the cold hot weather scale, global toastying, which is the new more palatable phrase for global warming or end time acceleration, could result in coffee, avocados, and other celebrity growth regions, coffee groves could soon be a common sight in the Arctic steps, whilst penguins

will soon be living on a diet of cashew nut and avocado sandwiches, if current projections are to be believed and then wildly exaggerated. I mean, this is a very concerning story. Alice, I know you're a massive avocado fan. I have a sort of relationship of extreme dependency with coffee. I mean, this is very worrying for the world. I mean, this is the sort of effect of global warming at all. I think we'll finally get people's attention. I mean, it's deeply worrying because what's going to happen is the places that are friendly for these crops will shift. So that currently there's these places that are good for farming, cashews, good for farming coffee, and those are becoming increasingly inhospitable, and the crops will move up or

down depending on which way, the way that they like is going. But the problem with crops doing their own rotating is that all of a sudden coffee or cashews or avocados might arrive in your gentrified suburb and then bl that all of a sudden coffee or cashews or avocados might arrive in your gentrified suburb and then blam all of a sudden you're a cash like what Monsanto arrives and does a deal with you for the use of your backyard offering you pennies on the dollar for economies of scale and within a few seasons you've been chomped up and drained and exploited so hard that ambitious teenagers are vying to come build schools at you to pet out their resume. Like this is the danger that I see before us all. What we need to do is salt the earth around where we are.

Yes. That's a slightly extreme solution. I mean, aside from the social and economic chaos caused by changes in the ecosystem and the money, the livelihoods and millions of agricultural workers, the more important question is, how the fuck will I get out of bed in the morning if the coffee crop fails? I mean, unless there is a test match on every day at 9 a.m., I will effectively be bedbound for the rest of my life if coffee fails because of global warming.

I'm very worried about this. Yeah, I like my men like I like my coffee, burn and in a service station. Spotify news now and well, Wars, I much talked about these days and there's been a full on war between podcast Joe Rogan and Legends of music, Neil Young and Joni Mitchell and others who asked for their music to be de-spotified in protest at some of the not entirely 100% verifiable COVID claims made by Rogan on his podcast. Now it shows, guess, you know, the power of music legends, Spotify have said that

they will jump into action and have pledged to be seen to be vaguely doing something whilst not really taking responsibility for the material that they publish, sorry, not publish, just kind of hang out with. So I mean, some change has been made. Other, I mean, this is inspired, other musical acts to try and create social change. The remaining members of Dave D. Dozy, Beaky, Mick and Titch, said that they will no longer allow there.

1968 UK number one hit, The Legend of Zanadude. We played anywhere until all polar bears are provided with a non-multable, artificial resin iceberg each. The 1980s Australian Mollett Rock legend, John Farnham has pledged that his Your The Voice Anthem will only be available to listen to raised two octaves until the full restoration of democracy in both Myanmar and the United Kingdom. So it's inspiring musicians to realise the power they have.

Alice, I'm not sure that you've ever been a guest on Joe Rogan's podcast. I'm sure it's merely a matter of time. It brings up the date with this story. Well, this is, I mean, this is an interesting story, Joe Rogan. I felt it hard to condemn Joe Rogan because the problem with Joe Rogan isn't really Joe Rogan. Can I call him Joe, Mr. Rogan? I don't know. He seems like a nice enough comedy meet-head who just happens to have lost 80 to 90% of his critical faculties in a tragic toxic spill at the masculinity factory. The problem isn't Joseph, he's just a 5'7' balled comedian come fight commentator looking for the secrets of the universe in a series of hailed fellow well met open-minded to the point of borderline forning interviews with experts, self-proclaimed experts, and quote unquote experts. The problem with Joe Rogan is not Joe Rogan. The problem is the nature of

modern platforms by which everyone is an unregulated publisher and there are no industry standards that would find you for being a gullible tweet with small lands intro. Like, I don't know what the solution is. Spotify has to put up content warnings. Did they put content warnings on Joe Rogan? Because I am going to be honest here, you have no idea how rock and roll of content warning for a dangerous misinformation is to the kind of person who goes to Joe Rogan to curate their expert opinions. There's no whim in the here. I really know it's going on the BBC websites, one of their journalists, Mariana Spring, said people trust their favourite podcasts and their hosts.

They are often a potentially effective vector for promoting disinformation. I mean, I'm not going to argue with those words. I've won many Oscars. I've won many, many Oscars. Sorry. I'm not sure I'm in entirely a position as having been promoting disinformation for 15 years. But I like to think, you know, a good kind of disinformation.

The kind of disinformation that makes the world a better, happier place. I prefer misinformation, which was also my beauty pageant entry. It looks great on me in a satch. What's butterflies going with the, oh, we don't know, we just host this stuff in that kind of YouTube and Facebook way that Compton moderation is an impossible challenge. But in fact, they are, you know, they literally bought and paid for and distribute the media properties that they are now disclaiming all knowledge of. So it's a little bit, a little bit less. I'm reluctant to take on any kind of

joke, like I made like it like the lightest little jab about hurricanes on here. I don't know if you remember. They've got a storm of kind of, they've run out of names for hurricanes and we were talking about the fact that we're going to have to go alpha beta. And I said, hurricane alpha was taking test They've got a storm of kind of, they ran out of names for hurricanes and we were talking about the fact that we're going to have to go out for beta and I said, hurricane alpha was taking testosterone and listening to Joe Rogan and Hurricane beta was drinking a soy latte and listening to NPR. So I think that's on both sides, like kind of little jab, the type, an archetype of a listener, you know, and I joke that like, it was like days of it of like comments on the, like, how dare you go for Joe.

So like, I agree with you Alice, it's not necessarily Joe, it's, you know, sometimes the guess, but I do think banning stuff is a bad move. I think if you want free speech, then it must be able to flow, stick some fact checking on it. I don't know what the best answer is, but I do think it's also quite easy for musicians

to pull their music from the platform, because let's be honest, none of them make any money from Spotify. So that's quite an easy moral stance to take. Against some, I can do that against someone who doesn't pay me either. So like me saying, guys, I'm pulling all of my movies from the view cinemas.

Like, I've fed up of this, and I love Neil Young, but he was one of the people I googled when I was researching how to come down from a massive high. So I don't know how much of his own drug misinformation he's out there peddling himself. There's also two, like there's two major problems with this. First of all, de-platforming Joe Rogan off Spotify will massively increase his audience again. Like, going to Spotify, they had to pay him $100 million because he was going to take a

cutting audience number. So in fact, we should keep him on Spotify and everyone else should leave. And secondly, why are people going up to Spotify? Like, there's so many people leaving Spotify that their whole site shutdown and you can no longer unregister from Spotify. Their site has frozen over this, not over the fact that they have massively exploited artists for the entirety of their existence. And in this sort of weird like, oh, it's exposure.

Exposure is good. They can make up the money on touring and then a massive pandemic happens. And they've forget to mention that no one can tour anymore. I just, why is this the thing? Joe Rogan being Joe Rogan isn't news. This is Dogbyte Man and both Doggan Man and Joe Rogan on a mushroom trip. LAUGHTER

MUSIC Divorce News now. Um, Alice, as the Beatles, um, Divorce news now, Alice, as the big old divorce correspondence, there's what's exciting development in the world of relationship breakups. Yes, Andy. This is the heartwarming American story of a woman who has monetized the last frontier of human emotion by launching a divorce registry. So you know how you have baby registries and wedding registries.

This is that. This is that way you write all the things that you need. Post-divorce and then your friends and family make up for your lack of foresight in marrying the wrong person. And somebody who avoided like a baby shower and a baby registry, mainly by not announcing my pregnancy until about three weeks before I was due to give birth, I am torn. I'm torn on the very idea of a registry. How does your tone feel about that?

To clarify, I'm not torn on registries in general, like providing they do a central point to maintain records of useful things. Like that's what an actual registry, the original blockchain, if you will. And I probably will, because every second startup is now like shoes, but on the blockchain, the point is, this woman has decided that divorce is a good thing,

it's a positive thing, and we should celebrate it by asking our friends who probably brought us wedding presents to continue to buy us. Maybe a replica of the very same wedding present that you didn't have the courage to keep hold of in the messy disintegration of your previously existing thousand relationship. Right, so you can sort of survive the other half of the CD for example I love I can we can see when the last time you thought about getting divorced was anti we're going to share a CD that's one thing that modern technology is done it's just made that

just I'll send you a copy I I'll download it. The divorce register, get fucked, I'm not buying you stuff twice. If I already bought you stuff for the wedding, I'm not buying it again. That's in say, my cousin, one of my cousins got married four times twice to the same woman. But by the time you turn up for the fourth wedding, there's only so many times you can buy a gig, like you're turning up handing over a gravy boat through gritty teeth. Like, are you taking my piss? The person who's running this divorce registry is a maniac. She got divorced at the age of 36 and the first thing she thought was why isn't there a place, this is a quote, why isn't there a place that people can go and get product recommendations? isn't there a place that people can go and get product recommendations?

So what's the kind of the logical endpoint of America, I think? Legs news now and well a couple of very exciting developments in leg technology in recent, well, over the last week or so, ankle bracelets have been developed that tell you how drunk you are. I mean, legs have always been quite useful in telling you how drunk you are based on whether you've just walked into something or whether your shoes are covered in sick. But now they have a bracelet that can do that job for you. Alex. Yeah, legs are apart. This is an ankle bracelet that can detect alcohol concentration from imperceptible amounts

of sweat. So at least you'll know if your ankles are drunk. This is one of those studies that I don't know how useful it is unless you are somebody who has a worrying problem, and sufficiently worrying a problem, and enough self-awareness to provide yourself with equipment, which is a very small wind diagram overlap. But it's also, I wonder who these scientists are, as with all of these stories, in this instance, as Robert Tewisey, who's a professor of bio-behavioral health at Penn State, who

said, alcohol misuse causes problems ranging from the annoyance of a mild hangover to the tragedy of premature death, which is... That's a big scale. Yeah, that sentence much like an evening out went down here extremely fast. So isn't it just an ankle tag? Don't these already exist? If you were like, house arrest. I'm interested that it's American's Alice because I do think they're obsessed with this,

because I work this out. Like everyone that I meet in America is so bad that you meet them. And they're like, I've been sober for three years. And then you find out they're 24. And you're like, okay, like as soon as you're allowed to drink. And I worked out it's because they don't have healthcare. So like all the time. So I went to A&E in my 20s,

where drink related, like things I'd have because of drink, because of drinking, waking up on my bathroom floor having snap ligaments in my ankle going, that was a harsh Tuesday. And then getting it seen for free, just going into A&E. So I think the Americans have this level of obsession, and it makes sense, right? Because if you, you know, you can't, it's just too risky. Drinking is just too much of a risky business in America, like the outcomes, you know, they're obsessed with suing for everything. So I think people are like more,

and maybe American listeners can tell me whether or not I'm correct in my assumption that just drinking is more of a thing, is more of a studied phenomenon. Sadly, the only people for whom this alcohol measuring anchor bracelet will not work other people who are already legless. In other legs news, scientists have regrown frogs, amputated legs after giving these frogs a cocktail of drugs.

Now, I mean, we talk a lot on the bugle about scientific experiments that maybe didn't entirely need to happen. And wondering how they came in. How did this bizarre experiment in which a cocktail of drugs resulted in legs re-growing come about? We may never know. I mean, it's good news on a number of levels. It's good news for psychopathic frog owners who have a conscience, who might feel guilty at some point in the process. Good news for French sustainable agriculture,

basically makes it vegan. And it is good news for medical science, for the potential to re-grow legs, and I guess eventually other bits and bobs of the body. It's well, Andy, well. Right. I mean, they say that African-clawed frogs, which are the clots of frogs on which this experiment were done, are like humans in this one important way in that they cannot regrow lost limbs. So I'm not sure that the crossover is going to be as seamless as we would like to

hurt her. Well, as a second generation lapsed due, I mean, I'm quite interested in this story in terms of being able to grow back missing bits of the body, but it's... Sorry. Why did it take me so long to get that joke? It is, I just can't quite understand how they thought they thought of, you know, I will let's chop some frogs legs off and then see if we can make them make, I mean, is that, is that science? What kind of science? I mean, that's like a cross between, between, I know, 15th century witchcraft and 21st century science, which I think makes it 18th century religion.

Salamanders can do this, can't they? Regro, which is good news actually, because you know this bombergenesis that we were talking about earlier. It's hit Florida, so the temperatures are now getting so cold that lizards are freezing in trees and falling out. Yeah, frozen gecko, great cocktail. But yes, so it could be, it could be, you know, it could be that they're kind of going the natural world is changing. We need to do some research. It says that they can't naturally regrow, but with this drug cocktail they can. I don't know whether they had to put a... given them a cocktail of drugs encased in this silicon stump. So the drugs actually go on to the... it's quite fascinating, guys. I don't know what it means for me that I spent a good few hours reading through. Well that brings us to the end of this week's bugle.

There will shortly follow some lies about our premium level voluntary subscribers to join them, to make a one off or a curing contribution to the bugle voluntary subscription scheme, as go to the buglepodcast.com and click the donate button. Don't forget to book your tickets to my UK stand-up tour, which begins now on the 25th of February details on my very soon to be updated website, which will also include details of some gigs at the Soho Theatre in London. In May, I will be doing Saturist for Higher on the tour and at Soho Theatre, do submit your satirical request if you'll come to the show to satirize this at satiristfire.com. Anything to plug? I will be in Adelaide from doing Cronos from the 1st of March to the 5th of March. At the

rhino room I'll be in Melbourne, at the Melbourne International Comedy Festival from the 31st of March to the 24th of April. I will be in Sydney from the 5th of May to the 8th of May and in Perth from the 13th of May to the 14th of May. That's just two days. And then I'll be probably in London and then differently in Edinburgh. So come see me somewhere in the world. Find me at patreon.com slash house phaser. I'll plug Old Rope at the Comedy Store 14th of February where we have some gargle peeps like Fin Taylor. On the bill, I will be doing new jokes at that. I have some previews coming up for my new show as a woman overthinking, which will be... So if you want to check that, I'll go into my Twitter, active students and all my Instagram,

and I'll be posting about dates there. And yeah, you can get all the information. Well, no. You can also listen to the current series. Of the news goes we're about halfway through via the BBC Sounds app. Until next week, Vueglers, goodbye. Here are your lies. Graeme Ray thinks olden days people were really very strange.

What's up with wanting to be buried with the load of toys, trinkets and weaponry? They're like little children insisting on having their favourite teddy bear before they go to bed, but these people aren't 4 or 5 years old. They're like 1300 years old or 4000 or whatever, and they ought to have grown out of it. I reckon maximum 2 souvenirs in case the afterlife is really boring, and no swords, you're just not going to need them, concludes Graham. On the subject of the afterlife, Kevin Smith does not like the idea of becoming a ghost. I reckon it would get pretty annoying pretty quickly says Kevin.

I mean you might have the old score for settle with a bit of haunting, but most of the people you're going to want to see after death are okay. But because of the bad rep that ghosts have, they're going to crap themselves a few so much as wafthrew an open door or make the cutlery rattle in the kitchen. It's likely to have an adverse impact on how fondly they remember you, so count me out of the optional ghost face please. I'm just not interested. Seb Rose regrets that the internet was not invented several thousand years before it actually was. When you think back to things like witch trials, the Spanish Inquisition and

the like says Seb, really it was just the kind of stuff that people spout off in dodgy chat forums for two-protef social media accounts and below the line comments on newspaper articles these days. I mean, we all complain about them, but personally, I'd rather some anonymous loser call me something rude than be burned at the stake. Head Alvin likes to think that the whizzing noise that sausages make when being cooked is them confessing to a series of sins committed whilst they were still a pig, or whatever animal they used to be.

Humans have always loved a bit of a deathbed confession, says Ed, so I don't see why sausages shouldn't be the same, albeit there is a school of thought that suggests that sausages are already dead, of course. I don't know exactly what a sausage would confess to, continues Ed, but it would probably be something about oinking inappropriate comments to other pigs, or betraying communist ideals for their own self-interest. And finally, Sarah Buchelman thinks cathedrals suffer from being geographically restricted to being in one place. You would think, says Sarah, with modern technology, you could have mobile cathedrals that zip around to where people need the most.

I appreciate that back in the day when it took 200 odd years to build up bloody things. That wasn't practical. But now, I reckon you could have a medium-sized collapsible twin-spy gothic cathedral up and down in 24 hours. I don't know if it would help, but it has to be worth a go. Concludes Sarah. Here end it, this week's lies. Goodbye.