The Bugle - Excuse Me While I F**k The Sky (4242)

Episode Date: October 4, 2022

Nish Kumar and Hari Kondabolu join Andy Zaltzman for a riotous Bugle that makes Nish laugh so hard he, er, farts, while Hari reveals a huge confession.We take a tour of democracy around the world, taking in Italy, Brazil and Russia, before tucking into some UK politics and the Chancellor's kami-Kwasi mini-Budget.Our 15th Birthday Special Tour is coming to the UK and Ireland this year: https://www.thebuglepodcast.com/liveThere's no ads in this show, thanks to you! Cast some cents and pennies our way: https://www.thebuglepodcast.com/donateThis episode was written and presented byAndy ZaltzmanHari KondaboluNish KumarAnd produced by Chris Skinner and Ped Hunter Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Dancelaguard fans, you will be thrilled to know a book is coming out if you fund it via Unbound. We are publishing the Dancelaguard Reader by Alice Fraser and Dancelaguard, a glorious insight into the world of Dancelaguard, self-published romance maven, and online bestseller. If you would like to find out how to support it, go to thebugelpodcast.com. If we get enough support, we will publish the book. That's a real thing that's going to happen. Thebugelpodcast.com to a real thing that's going to happen. TheBuglePodcast.com to support the Dancilla Guard Reader. Feel free to get rid of the Chimp Sex stuff.

I don't think there... I'm going to put that to the top of the... That's the answer to that. The answer to that is going to be called Chimp Sex. I'd like if the episode was called Feel Free to remove the Chimp Sex stuff. And then there's no reference to the chips in it at all. The Bugle, audio newspaper for a visual world. Hello Buglers and welcome to issue 4242 of the bugle. Yes, that's issue 4242, the issue which commemorates not only the brief English history of the 20th century as taught in all schools in this country, covering only world wars and a result of football World Cup finals.

4242. But also it commemorates the answers to a 4-question quiz which used to be set to get you entry into the British Civil Service, in which the questions are, one, what building is more useful than a tent, while being attacked by a medieval army. Two, complete the following sentence, the film The Dig, starring some film stars, told the story in a kind of mostly true filmy kind of false way, of the discovery of a Saxon burial ship at Sutton what? Three, what word came to be used as an expression of carnal approbation, redland of a patriarchal epoch, and four, what French pronoun was voted least necessary by the international society of rampant egotists. Four, who? Four, two. Okay, it was not necessarily a convoluted

beginning, but here we are. This is the world we live in I am yet again and He's ultimate for the 4,242 time reporting to you from the shed where dreams come to duck sorry Where from the shed where I come to record the bugle? It is the third of October 2022 and joining me this week from two corners of the known universe We have from two miles closer to the North Pole than I am Nish Kumar. Hello Nish. Hello Andy. Hello, over-euglers. Andy, I think you've done very well to get this far into the call without mentioning the fact that last week your team absolutely mauled my team to use day football. It was a shell-acking. If it was a boxing match, the fighter would have died.

Ah! It was absolutely, oh my god. You absolutely, it was brutal stuff. It was like when Ivan Drago destroys Apollo Creed. Yeah, but you know, I'm used to I'm used to that and it's basically conversation I have every week with whoever's on the opposition. I like to think that I did my best to try and keep things a little more equal than they would otherwise have been, but you know, there's only so much so much that can be done. Yeah, you did your best. You were yet a free kick in quite a good position

What you could have scored and you instead chose to pass the ball back to the goalkeeper Right, right when you're in front you got to manage your lead Also joining us from across a very big very very salty pond in New York City, someone who might have not thrashed at football in the last week, it's Harry Kondabolo. Hey Andy, hey Nish. Hello, Harry, how are you? You know what, it's funny, I knew you were going to ask me that question. How are you?

Yeah, so I was trying to be prepared because I feel like I'm so negative whenever you ask me that question So you know, I've prepped. Okay, right. Okay. All right. Here we go. Thank you Andy. I'm doing well There you go. Yeah, that's that's Evening's worth of work, but So Andy I know that you know when we were talking about doing doing this, you ask us what stories are we interested in. And I sent you a email saying I would like to do the story about the asteroid that NASA destroyed.

Yes. Right. Yeah. In case an asteroid ever hits the planet, right? Because that's a really imminent threat. And so you said, well, we did that last week from the bugle, and then I had to admit to you that I don't listen to the bugle.

And I just want to tell you to clarify, I don't listen to the bugle not because I don't have time. I don't listen to it because I choose not to. Well, that's good. So it is, and I just want you to know, like, it's an act of free will. Okay, rather than an act of basic logistics. Right. Okay.

That's good. That's good. That's good to know. It's very sure in the honest, you know, this world of deceit. What I love about that is, uh, hurry has, uh, not only said that, uh, of the podcast, he's also put it in an email. He's really putting his body where his mouth is. He's giving us all the converges of it. He's putting it in writing. He's like, he wants it to be a matter of record that he does not listen to this podcast right but I should I mean it's cuts both ways harry because you might not listen to the bugle but I still watch the Simpsons

now is that what we're going to do why do you still why do you still watch they heavenhead side show barbon in so long? I Only watch the old episodes This is a new record for the fastest time that I have laughed so much I have farted I'll be Yeah, just watch from before you ruined it Oh, God, just watch from before you ruined it, Harry. And, does anybody else have requests about cartoon characters that need to die?

Anybody? And, these old Twitter login night was thank you, I'm back again. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha in 1582. The new Gregorian calendar was introduced by Pope Gregory the 13th. It really stuck it to the old Julian calendar, which it turned out was wrong, which is not a great quality for a calendar in my book, as well as shifting the global day about almost, I think, it was 10 to 14 days. I can't quite remember. It varied depending on when people adopted the new Gregorian calendar, but they also stripped out various unnecessary extra days that used to be in the calendar including the 46th of August which always caused havoc in the middle of September. They also got rid of Monday Monday, a double day, added intermittently by the Holy Roman Emperor to try to improve economic

productivity commemorated in song of course by the mamas and the papas who of course began life as mother superior in the popes and they also got rid of first the flabards day. First and flabards day was a 19 minute day, every two and a half years, introduced by Pope Ameticus III in the year 435, after he lost a bet with a card in the back, whether he could cross the river tie by using two swans as magic shoes without getting his Kazakh way. In the bin this week, as always, a section of the bugle is going straight in the bin this week, as always, a section of the vehicle is going straight in the bin this week architecture

It's world architecture Davie the review done any architecture today to mark this this great occasion I made and subsequently destroyed a toilet roll pyramid. Does that count? I think that does count. Yeah. I was I was drawing a little doodle of a cube while you were talking Jesus Christ, hurry. Okay? I know you don't listen to the podcast, but you have to listen to it while you're doing it. So, in the bin this week, our special architecture section, we look back at some of the most famous buildings ever architecture. Is that the word? An ask. I thought you read all that. What could have been done better with the so-called masterpieces of the architectural arts, including the Taj Mahal, the Mausoleum built by Shah Jahan as a post-death romantic gesture for his favourite wife, Mumtaz Mahal, but would it have been better if the roof

could open up every evening to reveal a big pink heart to show that he really loved it? Also, how about a f***ing helipad? Also, the pathonon, too many pillars, some flat walls either side would have allowed for advertising hoardings, which would have brought invaluable extra revenue for fixing the f***ing roof when some idiots blew it up on the truck. The great pyramid of Giza, may well have been the tallest man made structure in the world for almost 4,000 years, but wouldn't it have been better if it had been a little bit more useful, very inefficient use of space. If it had been built in a non-pyromidical way as a single block and with separate floors instead of massive great blocks all the way up, it could have been a car park with space

for 111,000 cars or their cars. And you'd have still had space to bury a few feraraohs in special boxes. At the Empire State Building, obviously, anti-giant primate netting would have been handy, probably anti-giant flying terrapin spike on the top that the architects plump for, for reasons best known to themselves. But the Empire State Building was also surely been improved by set of castors, so it could have been wheeled around New York to different parts of the city just to keep things fresh. The

Sydney Opera House should have been a drive-through. And St Paul's Cathedral. Well, its low-press success percentage is thought to be down to its famous dome being covered in lead, a metal notoriously impermeable, to all but the most fervid of divine implications. A retractable Perspects roof would have resulted in an estimated increase of 37.6% in terms of the number of prayers getting through to God, which could have resulted in neither World War happening, the establishment of an eternally peaceful world and the end to all diseases.

Any other great buildings you think are massively overrated? Well, there were two, but I feel like it's inappropriate for me to say it. Right. Okay, why inappropriate? Come on, Andy. Come on, Andy. The one thing they said was never to forget. Are you serious? That was the one request was never forgetting. You forgot? Come on, man. I think shard in London is an absolute bag of shit, right? What's your beef with the shard? I don't know. I just I feel like I Just feel like it London is not really a skyscraper city and It does feel a bit like someone looked at the London skyline and then in the most infantile manner possible

drew a dick on it. That's how skyscraper architecture works, isn't it? Yeah, I know, but New York is to be fair to it. A city of penises. It's a city of huge metal and glass penises, whereas London is much more of a sort of, it's not that that penis envy. Now they've got the Gherkin and they've got the Shard. And you know, they don't even have the, or decency to make them, fallically accurate and have them leading violently to one side. At least the piece of fellows committed to the penis. I wonder, is it because like England, like used to own everything and now they don't and so it's like well then if we're not gonna

Other countries we're gonna The sky technically remains British hurry. I don't know if you've heard the expression the Sun never sat on the British Empire That's because we own the Sky You're holding the Sun hostage with giant penises. Excuse me while I f***ed the sky was of course, I couldn't hold it so that way, the train is not perfect.

Yeah. You, while I f***ed the sky. Right, that section in the bin. Top story this week, democracy around the world. Well, democracy, of course, is the light of freedom that illuminates the hearts of all humanity, but which unfortunately flickers on and off, doesn't really work that well.

It's a bit risky, hasn't been properly maintained and keeps giving us very painful electric shocks. It's been a weird time for democracy around around the world. We've just looking at the Al Jazeera website and they had various podcasts listed on their podcast page. Bosnia Elections Preview, which the subhead was fears of genocide and rising nationalism. Italy elects far right leader, what now and after months of violence, Brazil to elect new leader. I mean, it doesn't show democracy in a great light, Nish. What's sort of, what have

been your highlights of the global election season that we've been going through recently? The world has caught election fever and unfortunately, it may well be terminal, because some of the candidates that are being thrown up are a couple of great historic favourites of the bugle featured pretty heavily in this election season, because one of the key members of Georgia Melonis' new coalition is of course Silvio Berlusconi. Now, I did listen to the show last week,

and I do know that there was a reference to Berlusconi and his party, which I believe the literal translation for this slogan is, come on Italy. And I did think it was a remiss for everyone, given that you were talking about Silvio Berlusconi, not to mention the fact that that is both the name of his political party and his ultimate ambition as a man. But yeah, he's a part of a coalition that's being led by George and Malone who, I mean, is not as not fascist as one would like.

If I may translate into English a very common Italian saying, my mother, we've got a problem. I mean, she does go by Mussolina. Yeah, she's a leader of a party called Brothers of Italy, already a bad start. It's already a bad start, but their logo is actually a logo that has been used in the past by the Italian fascist party. And what I would say is, it changed your f***ing logo. If you're not a fascist, I would say change your f***ing logo. It's a little bit like someone in 2022 sporting a toothbrush mustache and saying, that's just how I waive. I like to keep my hands still when I waive. I'm a huge Charlie Chaplin fan. What's the issue here?

Yeah. It's its bullshit. Chaplin fans around the world have denied their opportunity to dress like Charlie Chaplin. There's no Charlie Chaplin cosplay. Yeah, it is Halloween coming up. And as as always every Halloween, I would say this, if you're dressing as Charlie Chaplin, keep the hat on, keep the hat on. Oh, no.

Why, simply do not care how hot your head is, you keep the f***ing hat on. They're tight and, you know, lead the, what was her name again? Georgia Maloney. Georgia Maloney. Wait, that doesn't sound particularly Italian. She, she, immigrant. She gonna, she gonna throw herself out of Italy. Is that how hardcore she is?

She gonna deport herself? She claims that refugees bring crime and like there's's a big anti-immigrant sentiment, especially anti-refugees. And it's just weird to claim that it's refugees that are bringing crime to Italy. It's her issue with unorganized crime. Is that what she doesn't like? Does she not like the lack of hierarchical structure?

Is that what the issue is? It's also to complain about immigrants bringing crime to Italy. Luz is a bit of white when standing behind you is the orange face specter of Silvio Brothers going. On the mind sector. Oh man, whose blood type is bribe? LAUGHTER Elsewhere in the democratic world,

the Brazilian presidential election has taken place and it is heading for a replay all round two after the former president, Lula De Silva, failed to pass the 50% mark needed to win round one Outrights leaving incumbent power to Gidebolson RO to contest round two It's about a 48% to 43% In in round one. I think I want to safeguard and insane that most bugle fans are probably not died in the wool

Bolson RO supporters and saying that most bugle fans are probably not died in the world, Bolsonaro supporters. His brand has been somewhat tainted by himself over many years. Critics say that he's damaged human rights, the environment, tree counts, science funding, health and everything else in Brazil. But some things have gone up under the last four years in which he's been president, such as the number of trees illegally hacked a piece is the amount of hate crime the incidence of presidents being racist towards indigenous groups and the incidence of presidents being racist towards everyone else as well. So I mean this was a little disappointing that this wasn't like a clean death for the Bolsonaro regime. It's definitely we

I think everybody was hoping for and I do believe this is a political phrase that dates back to the ancient Greeks and everyone was hoping for a whitelist shit of an election. That's why everybody was hoping we were hoping that it was just going to be clean and we could pop our trousers and pants straight back on. Sadly wiping the shits down of Jair Bolsonaro off the anus of global politics is going to take a few more goals and potentially a full-on Japanese toilets worth of washing. It's not a real situation. Bolsonaro has been fighting the election, interrupting his normal fight, which is with the novel coronavirus, which he seems to be in a constant loop of catching and recovering from of catching and recovering

from and catching and recovering from. At this point, I think Bolsonaro has had so much COVID. He now technically is a Wuhan bat. He said a contest with President Lula, who was Lula De Silva, who was the former president, and mysteriously in 2018 was barred from running on some corruption charges that may or may not have been trumped up by Bolsonaro. So there was a first round election which they were hoping for, I was going to say, a kind of a kind of clean victory, but in the event Lula got 48.3% of the vote. Bolsonaro received 43.3% of the vote, which now means it has to go to a second run off between Lula De Silva and Bolsonaro. And Lula went asked about it because there's a huge amount of disappointment in

socially progressive circles in Brazil who are hoping for the win to happen. Lula said this, we're going to win these elections. This for us is simply extra time. I feel great hope that this election will be decided tomorrow, but if it isn't, we'll have to behave like a football team when a match goes to extra time. Well, rest for 15 minutes, then we'll get back out on the pitch to score the goals. We didn't score in normal time. That is a man who knows how to communicate with Brazilians. You have to explain everything in terms of football and the nation will understand what he's talking about. But yes, listen, all we can do is hope that Bolsonaro is defeated, first by Lula Silva, and secondly, by coronavirus.

Because that is one fight. I think one of the few occasions where we're all rooting for COVID to finally get his man. After that brilliant analysis, all I can add is, is HALGAY LULA. HALGAY LULA. You like that Andy? You like destroying your friend's comedy? You like that? I used to not say things like that, Andy. That wasn't my style, but you like that I thought of that and I said it.

Does it make you feel good? Makes me feel great. Makes me feel great. Also, I forgot to add. I've been an influencer. Yeah. Yeah. And, Ish, while like... Also, I forgot to add... I've been an influencer. Yeah. Yeah. And, Ish, while you were talking, I thought of the Wuhan bat ain't nothing to f*** with

the Wuhan bat, and nothing to f*** with. You're... It's interesting to see you move into a song parody, so... You let the brown weird out. Bolsonaro has claimed that only God can remove him from office. So a bit of a misunderstanding of the Brazilian constitution, I believe, but it would seem quite a good time.

Would it not for the former World No. 1 ranked 80 to come out of retirement and get rid of that wouldn't it? I mean, you're not going to be, could that not save, could that not save Christianity around the world? If he did, you know, remove Bolsonaro from office and prove his continued existence, you know, I'd be, I mean, I might even be tempted to have a go, have a go at it and finish the jumping of shit. So, really, the supporters actually won congressional elections and elections of state governors,

including Eduardo Pazuelo, who is the former health minister in the Bosnara administration, and who was the health minister who oversaw a pandemic response in Brazil that killed 685,000 people. I mean, it's a bit like electing somebody as transport minister literally after they've just wrapped their car around a f***ing street lamp. It's an unreal state of affairs. Never happened in this country, of course. Bolsonaro does have a surprising amount of support for those who look on from outside, which is often the way with policies. The BBC in a report on their websites

had interviewed someone who was described only as a parachutist. I don't know if that was an amateur or professional parachutist, but this parachutist said, there's going to be beautiful blood spilled in this city. I'm prepared to kill all the socialists and communists in the world to ensure that Bolsonaro stays in power. Now, I don't know how you go from parachuting to genocide. I mean, that seems, that does seem,

I mean, for one of a better term, a big leap. Um, how dare you. Also support from some of Brazil's leading footballers, including Neymar, the practicing showboater, currently costing shitloads of money in the French League. I'm doubtfully on the finest players of his generation, also surprisingly good in a one minute cameo appearance as a monk in the hit Spanish TV series Money Heist, but he destroyed all that work by expressing support for Bolsonaro.

I guess on the grounds that when you're playing in a front three with Killian and Bapé and Lionel Messi, you don't want to rain forest getting in the way. So you're gonna Whoever's gonna destroy those rain forests and Ronald Dino also in 2018 he backed Bolsonaro now, Ronald Dino was one of the most joyously brilliant sport stars There's ever been he played football as if trying to cure the world of boredom and sadness with his magical visionary Exuberance and other worldly skills, but politically, he votes like a 1980s British centre-back going in, stubs up, knee high on an opponent, and nothing in his face.

And nothing in the referee, which is of course only a yellow card in those days. It's supposed to be sad, isn't it? Oh, Andy, if there is one thing, how could we have been let down by professional footballers, a group of people that have been known for nothing other than this strict moral code. Just to me, it was finding out Ronaldinho, it was a supported Bolsonaro, a bit like finding out the Roger Federer is scamming pensioners out of their savings by posing as a roof inspector and telling the people to play him to put new grim reaper resistant tiles on their roofs. Or the only reason Alison Felix learned to run so fast

was that she could chase down Slay and eat rhinoceros. It's not for nutrition. But that's why sport and politics shouldn't mix. I should just let you both know that while you you were talking about soccer, I drew a rhombus and a trapezoid. Nema is also the sound that your racist uncle makes when they're trying to frustratedly remember my name. I can't stand him. The won't guy, Nema! I said, I can't stand him. The won't guy, Neymar! LAUGHTER LAUGHTER Elsewhere in the Democratic world,

and the word democratic, is in the largest available ironic inverted commas there, well, Vladimir Putin has had a huge democratic success in the Ukraine, referendums, widely written off as sham referendums. 99.2% of people in the Donetsk region voted to join Russia. Now, that is a lot of percent, at 99.2%. Let's put that in context.

That is the same percentage as people who agree with the proposition that the Earth A moves around the Sun and B isn't flat. It's the same percentage as people who think it's rude to use a chainsaw at a funeral. It's the same percentage of people who prefer a sandwich to lunch rather than the bucket of sick poured on their heads. It's the same percentage as people who didn't vote for Liz

Trust to be Prime Minister, because that was more like 99.87%. And it's the same percentage as people who think David Attenborough should be king of Britain instead of Atchucky three time. So it seems a suspiciously large number does it not? Yeah, I mean the margin for error, I believe, is 200%. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha of Russia and you know that's that's a big claim. It's rather be a puny starting to be like an annoying work colleague who just writes their name on your lunch in the work fridge. But more so I'll give like. But more so yeah and then when you say that's actually my spaghetti bolognese they say I will nuke you. I mean the referendums, you know, if obviously they're theater, but it's part of a larger strategy for this annexation of these territories.

He's trying to make himself look less on the technical term I believe is hitlery. There were people going door to door taking votes and they were accompanied by soldiers. And I believe things like this were said, don't mind the soldier. He's just loading his gun. His gun's name is Ukraine. Anyway, do you want Russia or Ukraine? But in another blow for Pochie's fragile self-esteem, no sooner had he shamed voted for parts of Ukraine into Russia, then Ukraine instantly started taking back some of those parts that he'd claimed now as Russian, the city of Lyman in the Dernetsk region was taken out, which

must have been a real disappointment of the 99.2% of the people who voted for George. I've also actually just got the results of the referendum that the bugle has run on, who owns the Kamchatka Peninsula in the extreme east of Russia. And a bit of a surprise, 101.3% of people have voted to be owned by Harry Kondabolo. So, Harry, you're now entitled to use the nuclear deterrent? I know you possess to take control of the 777 mile long dangly bit of formerly Russian land north of Japan. So it must be quite exciting for you. And all the buzz does dangly bits.

The public show. Also the mobilisation, I think we talked about last week as well, that's still not going too well after thousands of the people that had been mobilized had to be sent home after being deemed unfit for duty. It's really not going tremendously well from Russian point of view, and particularly given that all they needed to do to be fit for duty was to stand around waiting to be killed. To be sure the fitness requirement for that. I show the trouble Russia is in.

Oh God. Oh, that was arguably darker than the 90s. I mean, it's absolutely not great for the war effort for Russia that their soldiers are not fit to be cannon fodder. That is absolutely that is bleakers. What's going on in Russia? It really sounds like they're all living like me over there. Yeah, man.

Also, a story came out today that's, it turns out that having bogusly a next four territories on the back of its bogus result in bogus referendum. Reports are suggesting that Russia now doesn't know exactly what bits it itself has claimed to have taken up, which is, I mean, it's just this very confusing. We live on our planet, which not unreasonable, is come to expect a bare, basic level of administrative competence from its lunatic imperialist

despots. And for Putin to be falling short of that, but I just don't know where we stand as a species anymore. I'm sorry, I'm sorry and I'll say it again, the Botox has migrated to the Guy's brain. And so I don't think we can, I really don't think we can ascribe any rational, the US defense secretary actually said this week, Putin threat to go nuclear may not be bluffing. You're like, yeah, no shit, American Sherlock. That is, the guy will literally do, and I mean, there's this franchise masculinity, and then there is, I will nuke you

if you don't be my friend. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha And, well, picking up on the government's emergency mini budget last week, that we thought we didn't go down hugely well with, for example, anyone or anything. Basically, it was criticised by everyone from a pigeon that left some extremely satirical deposits on the roof of 10 Downing Street to the international currency markets from old people all randomly interviewed in the streets for reasons best known to TV news programs to usually slavishly Tory loyal newspapers. It was criticized from everyone from former footballer Gary Neville to the International Monetary Fund, which is basically the whole spectrum of humanity. It's been slammed by labour,

it was slammed by many conservatives, and it's been a source of ranker discord and above all the fuddlements. The leadership duo of Liz Truss and Charles Litticceca Quasi Quarteng with absolutely no mandate whatsoever, should try to bludgeon through a package of measures which even their own supporters thought was start fucking raving mad.

As a result of which, Truss' honeymoon period as Prime Minister turns out to be the two weeks of national mourning when she couldn't f***ing say it. And the honeymoon period was the clean dying. Basically the shortest honeymoon period since Henry VIII said, so that's anyway what happened to my last wife. Already taking approval ratings and now below those of her predecessor, Boris Johnson, who let's we forget was at the seatful Megalomaniac hounded out of office by his own team.

This is how bad it's going to end. They've now had to pull back on their plan to cut the top rate of income tax. The 45% bracket of income tax, we're going to come down to 40% as demanded by absolutely no one, not even the richest, most selfish people in the country had been demanding that. Larry Summers, former US Treasury Secretary, said Britain will be remembered for having pursued the worst macroeconomic policies of any major country in a long time. I'd like to take issue with this. Let's have a bit of British boosters in here. They're not the worst macroeconomic policies. They are the most efficiently bad macroeconomic policies.

Some incompetences take months or even years to emerge. These were working in seconds, in seconds before the global markets tanks to pound. And this has been a very strange time for British politics to have this new unwanted regime essentially that Tory MPs didn't want less than half of Tory membership voted for now trying to drill through some of the most radical and poorly thought through economic policies we've ever seen.

Yeah, they're trying to shrink the size of the state in the same way that you can shrink a marshmallow if you drop it into a vat of hydrochloric acid. It's been a catastrophic week and a half in Britain. It started, as you say, I do with quasi-quart eggs, minieng's mini budget, which is actually required to do, but he opened his mouth and announced $45 billion worth of tax cards, which led the pound to fall to a record low and forced the Bank of England to make an emergency, $65 billion into venture, so that people's pension funds didn't collapse.

Now, listeners of the podcast, which obviously doesn't include Harry, will know that I have had some bad gigs, but so far, even I have not had a gig so bad that I've tanked the economy of an entire fucking country. Quarteng, I salute you. As one terrible public speaker to another, the run on the pound caused a catastrophic fall

in the UK government bonds, which a lot of people's pension funds are tied up in, in something called the guilt market, which side note is also my nickname for my mother. Say what you will about her, the woman is an absolute guilt market. And over the weekend, they consistently said that they would not be going back on these plans, they would not be going back on these plans, they would not you turn on them. They sent various members of their party out to the absolute slaughter. Simon Clark, who is the secretary for levelling up now for global

buglers, levelling up is something that Boris Johnson kept saying that he was going to do. The idea being he was the government was going to act to deal with imbalances and regional inequality that they were going to level up the regions of the UK. But levelling up, it turned out was the same as one of Boris Johnson's wedding vows. He said it out loud he had no interest in following it. The levelling up minister is now a man called Simon Clark who has the face and manner of someone who has killed him will again. He said that Liz Truss would not at any point go back on what she was doing.

And he said that the Liz Truss' plan was to pull Britain out of its fools paradise, inadvertently perfectly describing Britain in the last 12 years as run by his f**king party, absolute whankers. But anyway, Liz Truss' robotic speaking So also does not help this given that she seems like a terminator who's been sent back in time to assassinate the British economy. But after all of this, they have now done a U-turn. Quasicoting announces afternoon they will be getting rid of the 45 p-rate of tax. Now that might seem like a good thing, but they're not reversing their corporation tax cuts, which are estimated to cost the UK Treasury £18 billion. Coincidentally, the party is all so suggested they're going

to need to make £18 billion in cuts to government spending. So it's very much robbing Peter to pay Paul, where Paul is an oligarch with several private jets. And Quasicart think said today, we get it and we have listened, but clearly they don't get it and they haven't listened because neither Quasicartingante nor Liz Trust has jumped up their own ass while going and f**king themselves. Oh that P.R. was well worth there. Quante was also facing some criticism that he'd attended a champagne reception with City of London finances. On the day that he'd released the mini budgets

that instantly caused mayhem in the economy. And he said, with hindsight, it probably wasn't the best day to go. Now, I don't think I don't think hindsight should come into that. Should it when you are in charge of the natural economy? I mean, a bit of foresight would be nice. He described the reception as just a Tory party event and said, we have party events all the time, which in many ways makes it worse that essentially the chance of this decor is being paraded into events to be I don't know I don't know manipulated nudged in a direction that suits the various donors of the party. Yeah I mean I think there's two interesting things about that story one and it's obviously you've

used Tory party event which is of course the collective noun of it's a Tory party event, which is of course the collective noun of f***ing. It's a Tory party event of f***ing. And also, what's really even worse about that financiers' reception is that as soon as it finished, there are reports, I don't know if this is true, but there are reports that several of the hedge fund managers who were present at the Champagne reception described him as a useful idiot. I called Quasi Quarting a useful idiot. He went and had champagne with them, so he was like, Cheers guys, you're my best friends, and if they're hence they're thinking, you're a f***ing moron, and we are about to exploit the shit out of you. You have various other allegations of which more may emerge in coming weeks about other

behind the scenes meetings, but Liz Truss said, at said to the scenes meetings, but let Liz Truss said, uh, said it an individually, I am a thrill seeker. Now, to me, that is not a good quality if you are prime minister. I think you might be in the wrong job. If you are a thrill seeker and unable to not to say you're a thrill seeker, which is maybe even more important, that's not scream if you're a thrill seeker which is maybe even more important. That's not scream if you want to go faster and not the words you want to hear from a f***ing Prime Minister. Or even go on eat the strange looking unidentified fungus. Thrills, thrills, he's there.

As Prime Minister there's only a few logical steps away from snakes in schools justified on the grounds that there are some problems in education something needs to be done about them, putting snake in schools is doing something and it gets a discernible reaction in the media. That is not the logic you want from your leaders. Of course, we should emphasize this is early days and just because the major financial institutions of this country and the rest of the world think it's a total f***ing catastrophe, it doesn't mean that it necessarily definitely absolutely 100% is. It might just be a 99% partial catastrophe. We will see.

What remains totally baffling about this is how any government could look at the state of the nation that are non-moving trains are massive NHS waiting lists or inadequate housing or turd ridden beaches and think we need a lot less money coming in to pay for all this. Yeah, that's the baffling thing about. I mean, I don't know if the logic is in cutting the top rate of tax niches, to cut tax to incentivise people to earn more or just have completely different lives. I don't know. I mean, that seems to be what they were thinking of. But this left the markets vulnerable to market speculators who then earn shed loads betting against the British economy

and they will therefore pay more tax that will make up. I mean, that's the only economic logic I can find. It's been described as clown show economics. But I've been thinking about this. And I think clowns would do a better job, economically. I mean, on transport, for example, they've got very

environmentally friendly car sharing schemes, and they'll actually bring a lot of progress, I think, to our transport transport system. You know, I think they convey emotion in a much more direct honest, I mean, I would have, I think I would vote for a government of clowns. If that was an option now, I would definitely. I think the only way that what they've done in the last few weeks has a cover with the clown show is that the sound of a penny whistle is the perfect impression of

the value of the pound in the last week. Perhaps the most terrifying words came from the Prime Minister herself, Liz Truss, who said, I have to do what I believe is right for the country, and she seems determined to see that harrowing threat through. You can only come to the conclusion that Liz Truss has run the numbers and decided the best thing for everybody is if Britain ends. We will have exclusive coverage of the descent of the United Kingdom into a literal smoldering pile of nothingness over the next zero to thirty years. That brings us to the end of this week's episode of The Beall, which I hope you found illuminating and insightful. Don't forget, there are a series of Bugle XVth anniversary live shows coming

up London on the 15th, which is sold out and the 22nd at the Leicester Square Theatre, Birmingham on the 27th of October, Glasgow on the 30th of October two shows featuring Nish Kumar and making Bugle debut Josie Long. The second show is sold out. There's an earlier show that I think is on at about 4.30 in the afternoon details on the internet and Dublin on the 3rd of November. That will feature Chris Addison. We'll also have Alice on the big screen and various other guest Birmingham is going to be Neil Delamere and Helen Zoltzman. Do buy tickets to all of those shows. Also don't forget to listen to our sister publication The Gargle out every Friday hosted by Alice Fraser. This week featuring Josh Gondlman and Eleanor Morton. And don't forget also I'm doing

some stand-up shows in November. Satrice Fahar shows in sort of the middle of the month in six different places, details, if you ask nicely. Anything to plug? I'm on tour, again, I'm gonna be playing over the course of the next few weeks, Iowa, Nebraska, Tennessee, Georgia, Oklahoma, Kansas and Missouri, so this may be my last time on the bugle. No, come on, if you become a country music act.

I'm a thrill seeker. What can I say, my thrill seeker? You basic your tour schedule on the lyrics to Johnny Cash's I've been everywhere. I will be at the Athenaeum in Melbourne, Australia, on the 28th and 29th of November, 30th of November and the 1st of December of the Opera House. And if you live in London, I'll be doing shows at the Bill Murray pub from the 10th of October until the 16th of October. So you can there

at various times, you all have Google. Yeah, that was some outstanding plugging. Some of our best work. We will now play you out whilst you buy your tickets to all of the aforementioned shows. With more entries on the Bugle Voluntary subscribers, Wall of Fame. To join the Bugle Voluntary subscription scheme to keep this show free, flourishing and independent, go to the Buglepodcast.com and click the donate button to give a one-off or recurring contribution of any size you see fit. Until next week, goodbye. Hey Andy, can I just, can I just add one thing? This was the most fun Bugle I've ever been a part of and are they all this funny because I might start listening. They're not all funny.

Sometimes I have really winging Americans on it. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Joining the Bugle wall of fame this week and being attributed with great achievements from history are Bat Wrench, who was an instrumental figure in the early development of avant-garde French cinema, aided by fellow Voluntos subscriber Michael Rudge, who invented the director's chair prior to which film directors stood on a milk-rate or log and lacked any real authority. Emma Walker

taught Jane Austin everything she needed to know about how to write a novel but never makes a fuss about it, and Martin Hopkins was basically Pythagoras in Orbit Reality, what with all his theorems and stuff like that. Mark Comorinsky discovered seven of the 26 letters of the still popular Latin alphabet, and Sam Gordon secretly recorded the percussion tracks on a large range of highly influential jazz albums. Sarah Shonbrunn personally built the centre court at Wimbledon in under three weeks for a school project, and it was on Gainal Flora's suggestion that Alexander Graham Bell tried inventing a device for holding long-distance conversations.

Mia Henderson broke a piece deal between Canada and Bhutan that has resulted now in more than a century without a single conflict between those two nations and C.C. French, with the first person to calculate that volcanic eruptions might be caused by science and stuff like that rather than the furious intervention of a very angry deity. Thank you to all of our voluntary subscribers. You can listen to other programs from the Bugle, including the Bugle, the Last Post, Tiny Revolutions and the Gargle, wherever you find your podcasts.