The Bugle - George Bush: 'Regrets? I've had a few'

Episode Date: June 15, 2008

The 33rd ever Bugle podcast, from 2008. Written and presented by Andy Zaltzman and John OliverThis is a classic episode from The Bugle, to support us, and to keep the Bugle alive and free of ads, please visit http://thebuglepodcast.com/ Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Audio newspaper for a visual world. Hello, Bugles and welcome to issue 33 of the Bugle for the week beginning Monday, the 16th of June, 2008 with me and his ultimate in London, the UK and in New York City, it's John Oliver. Hello, Bugles! I attended Kaiju, Japanese Monster Wrestling at West New Holland, New York. And let me tell you, I cannot recommend it hardly enough, did you? It was absolutely incredible. I saw a monster who was an, I quote, half hamster, half two-cam. And he fought a cyclopter, which is, as it's known suggests, half cyclops, half

ox, and ended when the hamster 2 can hybrid did a belly splash from the top turnbuckle onto the cycloptipus. Keep your ballet Andy, keep your opera, keep your high arts, until they have hamster 2 can monsters, they're going to come up short for me. To see adults put this much work into something so overwhelmingly stupid and truly life-of-ermings. As always, some sections of the bugle go straight in the bin this week. A mid-summer special section. Now that the evenings will start shortening from the 21st of June with the dread and inevitability of impending death, We asked, what is the point of living anymore? Also, how to tell your children that you're a druid, and when is it right

to start discussing the possibility of sacrificing your little ones with your partner? Also, we have a commemorative audio reconstruction of one of the big stones at Stonehenge falling over during a mid-summer sacrifice, as it might have done at some point in history. Oh no, tremoloites being squashed. Bloody hell, that is the last time I'm sacrificing here. This place has gone to shit since the Romans left. And for our southern hemisphere listeners, a special mid-winter section in the bin. Why bother getting up in the morning when it's almost nighttime already?

And for our listeners on the equator, screw you losers! You wouldn't know a season if it came right up to you and snowed on your head. President Bush is European vacation news. And our President Bush has been in Europe for most of the last week, as his presidency approaches its last six months. And this is a time for reflection. And it's the

same for any of us when we come to the end of any job we've been involved in. We look back at what we've done, what we leave behind us, how many pens we've stolen. It's just the same for US Presidency or for Jimmy Carter. It was 15,000 pens. It's just as well he only had one term. They've had to dip into the national stationery reserve. And if any British listeners are wondering why their BBC license fee keeps going up, it is because John and I did once have a job on a BBC show. What I'm saying is we've never actually had to buy a pen since. And the Times newspaper interviewed President 43 on Air Force One,

when incidentally he was wearing a flight jacket with his name on and carrying a mug which had poultry for it on it. He was drinking from a president of the United States mug. That might actually seem charming if a different president had done it, or if he'd been a better president, as it is, it is just inexplicably infuriating. As you're speaking to the Times on Board Air Force 1 on his way to Yubiana, the Slovenian capital and three-time winner of Europe's sorsiest sounding city title, Yubiana! Bush said that he now aims to leave his successor, a legacy of international diplomacy for tackling Iran.

Now Johnny's done this in three very clever and easy steps, step one, tie up almost the entire US military and two intractable conflicts. Step two, set fire to and then watch a spectacular bonfire of bridges burning between America and any punitive allies for a potential non-diplomatic tackle on Iran and step three, buy an atlas and check just how big Iran is. So mission accomplished. In the news paper, he expressed regret at the rhetoric that is used around the war in Iraq. The rhetoric Andy, that is his first and his only regret.

It seems that this is as close to accountability as we're going to get, so enjoy it while it lasts because it seems like it's already over. He defended these war-mongering claims again from a group of German reporters and Andy, when you are defending yourself, OK his charges of war-mongering from a group of German reporters and Andy when you are defending yourself, OK his charges of warmungering from a group of Germans. You know that you have sashayed over the line. So the rhetoric is his regret and he at Bush doesn't regret the gift that he has given the world merely the wrapping paper he chose to cover it in. He said he regrets moments such as when asked about the insurgents in Iraq

and he said, bring them on, which sounds more like a 12-year-old screaming into his Halo 3 headset than it does the leader of the free world. He was worried about this on phrases such as wanting bin Laden dead or alive, indicated to people that, and I quote, I was not, you know, a man of peace.

And I don't think he need worry too much there, and the people have not judged him on those words. They've judged him primarily on his actions, which have transcended words. He's been like a violent Marcel Marcel. Communicating to the world through the international language of Kaboom. So the epiphany that he has managed to reach in this time seemingly is that we're all too stupid to understand

what he actually meant through these actions. That is the epiphany he's come to in front of the eyes of the world to essentially claim that we are too moronic to understand what he meant is brave and the effect is more than that. It's double brave and to go even further and then to immediately forgive the entire planet for our stupidity is so selfless, it's Christlike, Andy. In fact, it's more than that. It's double Christlike. Well, he's very like Christ in a number of other ways. John, for example, he's bringing an extremely divisive figure in the Middle East. That's quite a lot of Jesus. It's true. It all rags up. Now, what he's looking for, really is that single oratorial sentence

which will explain to all of us how fantastic these last eight years have actually been, a pithy slogan to get us to see his presidency through his eyes. And whilst he's single, failed to find that elusive open sesame sentence, surely now is the time he finally has a deadline. If anything he's had too long to come up with it so far. There's nothing like a deadline to focus

your mind. Jack Kerrowack wrote on the road in three weeks, Andy, don't tell me this administration can't come up with one sentence in almost ten times as long. And Andy, you know the phrase that if you gave an infinite number of monkeys and infinite number of typewriters, they'd eventually write the complete works of Shakespeare. Well, this Bush administration has 350 monkeys in a room and seven months to help they come up with that magical phrase. It's worth rolling the dice. They've got nothing to lose. Well, my personal experiments with monkeys and typewriters

sneezing to believe they're much more likely to write something about a recipe for banana custard. So, let's look at his legacy now, Andy.. I mean much like we look at the legacy that a horse leaves behind it in its table after a fiber based meal. I mean it is the world safer than it was before. I think it's probably 0% safer. Right. That's right to right, to put it nicely. Yeah, let's put it basically. That's not entirely his fault, and you're wearing Britain and not helping. This last week, a serious security breach took place after it emerged that a civil servant mistakenly left some top secret documents containing the latest intelligence on Al Qaeda on the seat of a train.

And, first off, you really should not be reading that on the train. I don't know, John. I disagree with that completely. I think it shows that our civil servants are so committed to fighting terror that they are willing to take their anti-terror work home with them. They're not just going to clock off at five o'clock, I think, I've done my hours anti-terror work today. I'm going to take this home home and I feel safer, John,

knowing that instead of being left in the intre for another day, my civil servant is prepared to take his file home with him and bust a terror cell by skim reading the files whilst watching a football in the background and having a beer. If I can see that point, what you need to concede is the fact that we all read over each other's shoulders on the train, especially if the person next

yards a newspaper was an interesting looking story. Let alone if they have a document in front of them titled, Joined Intelligence Report, Al Qaeda's Constraints and Vulnerabilities, Top Secret. Also, if you have a document on that on your person, take a cab home, treat yourself, bill it to the taxpayer, we'll be happy to pony up if it means that you're not putting our lives in danger. I think you're being a bit harsh on the Guideshon, cos let's face it, and we've all done it, haven't we? We've all left top secret anti-terrorist documents on trains. When only last week I was on a train,

and I left a newspaper that had details with a trial of the 21st of July bombers in it, and I just hope it didn't fall into the wrong hands. But this wouldn't be quite so bad, Andy, if it wasn't isolated into them. A Ministry of Defence laptop was stolen in April from a McDonald's, from a McDonald's, Andy. Do you really feel safer knowing that Britain's finest military agents are spending their lunchtime ordering Macchicken mega meals?

Because I don't. I do feel safer. I don't. I don't feel safer. I wouldn't want them taking a Italian style three hour lunch. Busy people. Go to McDonald's, get your lunch in and out of you in three minutes.

passenger has spotted this envelope containing the files and gave it to the BBC. And the BBC subsequently handed it to the BBC and the BBC subsequently handed it to the police. And the BBC apparently actually mistook these papers at first glance for a pitch for a primetime reality TV game show in which ordinary members of the public have to plan and carry out a terror attack in front of a live studio audience and a judging panel featuring top terrorists from the 1980s. Other news in the war on Tera Now and there is great news of a big win for Britain. Sadly, it is against the United States who are technically on our side.

An RIF fighter pilot has won a legal battle with the USA Air Force in Afghanistan over the size of his handlebar mustache, which is big Andy. It is a beauty. It is a beauty. British military hero flight lieutenant Chris Ball, who is on an exchange posting with the USA Force, was told to trim his mustache. What? It is absolutely appalling. He refused. How dare you, youngster. How dare you. Britain stood by him on the grounds that we conquered the world when we had massive moustaches. Our national decline in Britain coincided almost exactly with the time that we started to have second thoughts about industrial level facial topiary.

Hey, hey, hey, all our powers contained in that facial furniture, Andy, we were like upper lip samsons. Well, I cannot see, John. I cannot see John. How it can be possible as a fighter pilot to have a moustache, that is too big. Unless it is so big that it smashes the cockpit window and starts interfering with the aerodynamics of your aircraft. I've never grown a moustache on, I've been banned from doing so by genetics. But it must make you feel pretty close to invincible to be able to twist some impressive whiskers before muttering well well well We appear to have a situation. I'm terribly sorry for it, but you're gonna have to lose this one old chef

And I'd go further than this John. I think there should be a minimum of star size for all fighter pilots Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, navigators can haveators can have something a little more refined kind of Errol Flynn style But the pilots should be able to bristle their way into combat Tangentially war on terror-related resignation news now and the Shadow Home Secretary David Davis has surprised everyone including probably himself by has surprised everyone, including probably himself, by resigning to force a bi-election in his constituency over the issue of the 42-day terrorist aspect detention, which the government won a vote on last week. John, my immediate thought, when I heard that David Davis had resigned, was that this was probably the biggest political stunt since evil can leave all launched his 1976 presidential campaign by jumping a mobility

scooter over 20 old women to highlight inadequate pension provisions for the poor. Well that's the point, I mean many have called this a political stunt but you know if it was it was a pretty shit was if you could have done political stunt do it properly reside from government in a fireball before jumping through the window and extinguishing yourself in the Thames. There are very few precedents for this kind of resignation in British politics. In 86, all 15, also unionist MP, resigned and provoked by elections in protest over

the Anglo-RS agreement. In 1910, independent MP George Landsbury quits to fight a by-election in favour of votes for women, a by-election which he lost. Britain wasn't quite ready to listen to the ladies at that point, but it does seem that this is a rare principle stand taking without thought for future career and this is the kind of example of selflessness in politics, which is immediately suspicious Andy, it must be an ulterior motive here. What is he up to? suspicious and there must be an ulterior motive here. What is he up to? But the government managed to force the 42-day regulation through, but they did have to give a number of concessions to potential rebels against the bill,

including these concessions, one to be a bit nicer to terrorist suspects in the last two weeks of their incarceration, two only to use it on people who look properly shifty, and three, if the terrorist suspects turn out not to be terrorists by way of compensation, they will be given a derelict building to commit a piece of controlled terrorism on to get any resentment against the British states out of their systems.

I always think rebels were a bit of a letdown as well, Andy. They should really drive into the house of commons on motorbikes, wearing leather jackets and smoking austenities recently. Well they've not been allowed to do that ever since Dennis Skinner first sat us in the budget speech. And his first, he was just sat there revving. Dennis, you can do that every time I- WING WING WING WING Ladies and gentlemen When there is this level of excitement in my voice That can only mean one thing

Please welcome The One The Only Apart from 300 million others. I'm very happy!

Doing what ain't going to be nice to see you as a goal. How long? How are you doing today, American? I could feel better, I mean, what a week, huh? Did you just feel good when you're looking down at your passport? Is that all right? I'll get you going in the morning. Kid me sometimes.

I'll have the flu sometimes, and I'll open up the little safe under my bed. I shouldn't have told everybody with my safety. But I'll open up that safe, and I'll crack the flu sometimes and I'll open up the little safe under my bed I shouldn't have told everybody with my safety But I'll open up that safe and I'll take a crack open that passport. You know, and I've only been like you know Couple of places, you know like I was in Canada once and then Well, I was in Canada once and then But I'll look at that stamp, you know, yeah, that's right, baby. No trouble at customs with this thing What was the best thing about going to Canada? Was it visiting another country?

Or was it coming back to America? Did you just enjoy coming back in? Yeah, I actually just made a wrong turn. I was just going to look. I was just going up on the Niagara Falls, you know, to look at the pristine beauty of the American side. So American, the general election is under way now.

You've got two candidates to choose from. Yeah. Congratulations. Yeah, we're very excited over here. With this big time. It's been a very expensive run up so far. I mean, you really are shelling out some money on this. Oh yeah, big time. But I'll tell you right now, you know, I've said this before,

and I know everyone agrees. You know, this is not just President of the United States. It's really President of the world, so it should cost a lot of money. Well, think about it. What are you going to do? Have an event and not drop thousands of dollars in confetti and balloons on people? I mean that's just not fiscally responsible, I have to do that. There's a lot of controversy at the moment over the vice presidential. Now when you say a controversy, you mean controversy, right? I mean, controversy. Gotcha. Do you think Obama marked select Hillary? What are you nuts?

She's like the girlfriend you can't get rid of. You know? Yes, we broke up three months ago. Stop showing up with meatloaf. Alright? I'm not hungry. Okay. Jesus Christ, she doesn't take a hint. I can't even believe it. Yeah, I mean, look, you have her as a vice president, you got to deal with her nutty husband. This guy's going to be walking around the friggin' oval office in a dirty bathroom, making sandwiches in the kitchen. Yeah, I know that guy. What do you guys talk about for a policy? Let me get involved.

Shut up, get out of here, you know. Put some pants on, Jesus. If you could choose any American in the whole of America to be vice president, who would you personally choose? Oh, that's a good question. Wow. With either of the two presidents, that's a very, very, very good question.

Politician-wise, I don't think any of them are good. I think they're all bombs. Yeah. What about Ted Strickland? Yeah. I don't like him. I got a hot tip from a friend who said Ted Strickland, that 25 to, is going to be a bomb as

running mate. I'll tell you right now, that's something you should get in at. Forget who's going to be it, but get in on the bedding, because you can make a lot of money on that. It's not a whole other aspect of course to American democracy that bookmakers get so involved in it as well. You can bet on, I suppose in a way your vote is a bet in and of itself. You wanna back to winner all the time.

You don't wanna lose. Absolutely. Although I guess you've pretty heavy losses the last eight years. Well, it depends on your side. For me, it's been victory every year. But depending on how you feel, I think that America's made some pretty pristine choices

the last eight years and uh... really yeah i mean that i think the unfortunate thing for a guy like bush is that he's got a guy like chatey brilliant brilliant political mind has no interest in you know future politics which i think is probably pretty major disappointment of most people right across the board because that's the kind of guy you need to be a guy who thinks and acts you know it doesn't talk a lot he just does things so you are you saying you'd vote shiny yeah got a respect to guy mean even if even if he's done some things that mean people don't agree with but he's done

some things you know you look back at other presidents they haven't done anything he's done things I know he's my consensus and I'm just the act of doing something to me makes a politician better than you know a one politician better than an ex- A dude. A dude something. Most of these guys just talk at circles, Cheney goes, I got an idea, maybe we'll go kill some people. Okay, boom, those people are dead. It's not allowed at all.

I like that. He's not a thinker. No, to do it. Oh yeah, he thinks and then he does. You know what I mean? You're all, I can't suppose, of all the criticisms you could level at Cheney, saying that he was inactive would not be fair.

Exactly. Yeah. Now we have some emails from other people for you coming in, Andy. Yeah, this one comes from someone known as Snowden Gardersick who... Wow, right. For example, I'm sorry. I can't imagine grade school was too fun. It's Jordan Gardersick.

The first 17 years of Snowden's life must have been a battle. And it's been thrilled to get to college. Unless he went to a very liberal college. Unless he was still a very expensive Swiss school in the mountains. He's from Houston in Texas. Oh, okay. It would have been fine. Yeah, he would have been fine.

That makes perfect sense. Throw money at the problem. Yeah, take it back, I apologize. And he writes, dear the American, I've decided to join the armed forces, but I'm not sure which branch between the Navy and the Army, which is more American. Wow. There's a very, very good question.

That's not him. That looks pretty American. I'm going to tell you right now, thank you for doing that. And either branch you choose is a good branch. I mean, I think that what you need to think about it, I really do honestly respect your choice to do that. And we all do in here in America. Thank you for making that choice. But I'm going to tell you right now, if you join the Navy,

keep this in mind. There's a lot of water. So if'm gonna tell you right now, if you join the Navy, keep this in mind, there's a lot of water. So if you don't like being on boats, go with the Army. Good advice. That's all I'm gonna say. That is excellent advice. I don't know if you wanna spend the whole time in that. I mean, I know me, I go out on a pleasure cruise,

I need to take drama mean. So for how are you, I would just be careful about that. And I don't think this is thought about enough, so much of the Royal Air Force in Britain is a front end of heights. Yeah. And I mean, that could have been headed off at the start. I think that would have been smart.

If you don't like water, don't join the Navy. You don't like flying, don't join the Air Force. And if you don't like walking, the army might not be feeling it. Ahahahahaha. American, if you ever joined the armed forces. Have you ever thought about serving? Yeah. Yeah, no, I was gone up, but then, you know, American if you ever joined joined the armed forces have you ever thought about serving?

Yeah, no, I was gone up, but then like you know Because I would have thought you'd be very good in a combat situation Well, yeah, no, I got natural leadership abilities and stuff You know, I love my country. Yeah, definitely love it. You can take your hammer out for a spin Yeah, yeah, well, that's the thing. I mean you definitely get the drive-cool vehicles You know, I thought about it for a while, but then you know, I was so busy with my, you know, my job at the thing I was working for a while, so I couldn't. And then, and then after that, I, yeah, maybe I don't know, I'm old, I'm older now, doing a more flat footed, not gay or anything. I'm just saying, you know, but I mean there's no, there's no connection. There's no other reason that I couldn't join.

Well there's no, there's no connection between flat feet and, I mean there's no other reason that I couldn't join. There's no connection between flat feet and... No, I'm just saying, you know, it's just running stuff. Yeah, definitely a really good show. But there's no connection between that and going to see that. Gay people can run too. Oh, no, I'm gonna see that again. Right, I'm just saying, you know. Yeah.

You know, obviously you don't want a gay guy waiting for you. Well, I mean, you know, right. I don't know how to be disrespectful waitin' for it, you know what I mean? I mean, right. I ought to be disrespectful, but that's kind of ridiculous. And California has just passed some very liberal and some would say moral laws on gay marriage. How do you feel about gay marriage? I gotta tell you, I actually think it's the right thing and I'm gonna tell you why, and this might shock a lot of people.

I'll tell you why. Because I think gay people have had it too good for too long. And that's why they the way so happy. Okay, you know what? You know what? You know what? You understand the miseries of marriage and let's see if you're wearing jean shorts and a roll of blading around town singing a song.

Okay, because believe me, believe me, it will destroy your soul. So let them experience the misery the rest of us have experienced. Okay. American, thank you once again for joining us and sharing your wisdom with us. Oh yeah. Happy to. Your emails now and this one comes from Kiran Nicholson in Glasgow who writes Dear Bugle overlords and for future reference for all our e-mellors that is the title by which we now insist on big adress. I'm both shocked and awe to find that you have not mentioned the recent end of Mike

Gravel's political career. As stated on his website, Mike's career in active politics is now over. I would like to know when and in what manner you will choose to apologise to Mike Gravel for not supporting his campaign with the burning passion of a thousand sons. Thank you, Kira. I will apologise immediately. I will do that through the medium of MC Hammer's You Can't Touch This. Ma, ma, ma, ma, ma, music is me.

So hard, makes me say, oh my lord, thank you and for blessing me with a man to ram and to have feet It's good when you know you're down rucking the beat all over this time. It's hot as such and this is a beat you can't touch apology Offered my card do hope that's accepted John how do you know the worst of that song? I don't know. There was a period in music. Unfortunately a very bad period in music, circumstantially, where every song I heard went into my head. That is my secret shame. I know the lyrics for some absolutely monstrous songs off my heart.

There's an email here from Romain who says, Hello, Buglemakers. I remember that you recently talked about Zimbabwe's massive inflation. I recently received this photo of a restaurant bill from the Jungle Junction restaurant in Victoria Falls, Zimbabwe, that bills the customer for, wait for it, $1.24 billion for dinner, two beers and a mineral water. It is not known if this included the tip. I've actually looked at this picture

and we're going to put it on the website. It really is something extremely special to look at. It really is worth going to the website to look at this and it actually doesn't include tip. What a missed opportunity. You have the opportunity for the single biggest tip ever awarded. for the single biggest tip ever awarded. A tip of multi-15% of that is, I mean, you're looking at at least, or 170 million? Yeah, yeah, 190 million dollars. I mean, that indicates tremendous service, tremendous. The waitress was Joy-Lene, and Joy-Lene, I do hope you received

a tremendous tip. Hoties from history now and this one comes from Sarah Felix who writes, Dear Andy and John I have the ultimate hotie from history to nominate, a man of pure modesty and humility, and I think his greatest characteristic was his unyielding mercy towards his enemies. Allow me to introduce you to King Ashura Serpala II, Assyrian King from 884 to 859B3. Let me take a moment to describe what this guy humbly did when faced with a rebellion

within his empire. Once he had quelled the rebellion, he decided to make a pillar, a monument to recognise those with the courage to rebel. His material of choice for this pillar, well, the skin of the rebels, of course, what greater memorial could there be. Sarah continues, but wait, he wasn't done, he wouldn't be the hotty eye cry for at night, waiting to rise from the dead if he'd stopped there. He stuffed the pillar with some of the rebels, it is insinuated that

they were actually still alive, he impaled others on the pillar, and yet others he tied up to stakes around the pillar. He then also made a second pillar of heads, he also tied heads to the trunks of trees throughout the city. Can you imagine that side? I think London or New York says Sarah could really do with some trees doled up with human heads. They truly don't make men the way they used to. Sarah, if you find yourself attractive to him, you, you, my friend, have a type. Do keep your emails and hot denominations coming into the bugle at timesonline.co.uk. Sport now and well it's been a very disappointing start to Euro 2008. The European Football Championships

for the British Nations. England very disappointing yet to pick up a point so to Scotland, well to Northern Ireland. It's just really disappointing. Yeah, again, a big tournament. They just haven't really turned up. Our focus on the positive, Andy. We're undefeated so far. Yeah, true. We kept a clean sheet. Very tight at the back. But I feel that's just because they've not been attacking enough by virtue of all being about 3,000 miles away on the beach. That's just not the right formation if you want to win a tournament.

But I've been watching it here in America and the United States of America and some of the comments you get are generally sports commentaries far better in America. It's an art and there was a wonderful moment during the first Germany game as Germany scored quite a good goal. And the commentator started screaming, this is why the war had to come down. This is why capitalism had to rain. That is something very special. And it's only a shame that Americans care so little about football that no one will have heard him say that.

Maybe it was knowing that, which motive to say that, that he one will have heard him say that. Maybe it was knowing that which made him say that, that he was just screaming into a tempest, shouting into a void, but to claim that a goal scored by Germany indicates why capitalism had to become king. Well I'm not sure that's magnificent. I don't think the logic stands up though, John, because you know there's some pretty good goal scored by communist players in the past. I mean't think the logic stands up though John because you know, there's some pretty good goal scored by communist players in the past I mean you think instantly don't you have vassally rats his goal in 1986 against France that was a 40-yard thunderbolt that really suggested that yes Starlin might have killed a few too many million people, but maybe when you see that goal, you know

You can see two sides of every coin. That's all I'm saying You know, you can see two sides of every coin, that's all I'm saying. Now as the search goes on to an appropriate spiritual successor to the late much-alimented audio cryptic crossword. This week, as suggested by some of you in emails, we are doing a spot-the-difference competition. Can you spot the difference between these two clips? Hard John? Hi Andy, how's it going? It's alright, yeah. Would you have for breakfast? I'm not any breakfast, yeah.

Andy, I've just had two cups of coffee. Hard John? Hi Andy, how's it going? It's alright, yeah. Would you have for breakfast? Die and spend all day! I'm not any breakfast, yeah. Andy, I've just had two cups of coffee.

Well, see if you had two cups of coffee. Well, see if you spotted a difference at home, if there was a difference. Bugle Forkost now, and our Forkost this week, is what will have happened over the weekend at the US Open in Tory Hills. John Myforkost is that Phil Mikkelson, the famous American golfer, will on the 18th Green at the end of round four having narrowly missed out on the title, tear his mask off and prove truly to have been the killer Charles Manson. That's my prediction. None of the pundits are saying that at the moment, but I just had a bit of an inside tip. Well, I've got a prediction, I'm pretty confident about this one.

I think that Ernie Ells, the famous South African golfer, is going to be eating by a crocodile on the 12th green, but is then going to go on to win that tournament from within the crocodile. From inside the crocodile. So he and the crocodile together, now he'll be wearing the crocodile almost like a suit and he will go on to win that tournament and that he will then continue to play, there's superstitious players, golfers, and I think he will go on to play as that crocodile

until he returns. Bro, I think after that show today, John and I have probably both need to go and read some facts just to get in touch. I think I need to take five minutes to grow up a bit Andy. Even if it's just growing up, five minutes worth it will be noticeable. You have to do these things in small steps. Small five minute steps.

Keep your emails coming into the google at timesonline.co.uk And we'll be back with more lies next week. Bye! Goodbye, buglers! Okay, and we'll be back with more lies next week. Bye. Goodbye, Buglos. you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you