The Bugle - Has 2024 Jumped The Shark?

Episode Date: December 7, 2024

South Korea tries a little martial law, France dusts off the guillotine, Joe Biden dishes out a special Christmas present. 2024 seems to have taken a laxative.Andy Zaltzman is with James Nokise and Ria LinaWhy not check out 15 years of top stories: https://www.thebuglepodcast.com/topstories.Become a paid subscriber - OMG we need you! There are great perks and feel good factor. Also, why not check out 15 years of top stories: https://www.thebuglepodcast.com/topstories.Featuring:Andy ZaltzmanRia LinaJames NokiseProduced by Chris Skinner and Laura Turner. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Ah ah ah ah ah! The Bugle The Bugle, audio newspaper for a visual world. Hello Buglers and welcome to issue 4324 of the world's leading and only audio newspaper for a visual world. The Bugle with me, Andy Zoltzman, shortlisted for the Nobel Prize for unfounded statements. And that is just an example of why. I'm here in the shed of incontrovertibly arguable truthlessness. It is the 5th of December, 2024. And I'm joined by two people who unusually in this day and age have never declared martial law, as far as I'm aware. Firstly, in Edinburgh, it's James Nakise. How are you James?

Good Andy, I have terrible news for you. I once got drunk in 2008 and declared martial law in Wellington. Oh right, okay. How did that pan out? I was hanging upside down in a tree in the centre of the town, drunk, dressed in a Halloween costume as as the crowd but declaring myself to pigeon to avoid copyright issues uh... also joining us uh... in london realtor hello really hi i'm afraid i actually just declared martial arts is well but i think that given the news my dicklip declaration was

overshadowed by some of us that's a real fullback's all about timing isn't it, so for the case in the... Where does the patriarchy end? Well apparently at the pub I tried to take over. It didn't work, you know, because I had my militia surround the place, but then they just declared a lock-in, made the bar free, my militia got pissed off and went home. A dance as old as military coups themselves. On the subject of the patriarchy we are recording on the 5th of December on this day

in 1921 the English football association banned women's football from taking place in league grounds. One of the more strikingly shameless pieces of institutionalised misogyny in sports' proud history of institutionalised misogyny and prejudice. And the ban stood for 50 years until the woke got involved in 1971 and woke activists made the rather startling and at the time not scientifically verified claim that women were at least theoretically people and might I emphasize might want to waste their time kicking a ball around just as much as men so that was 103 years ago today and it is it is one of the most bizarre and shameful stories

in in in British sport but it's because they were getting too good as well yes and too popular and good and too because they were getting too good as well. Yes and too popular. Too good and too popular. They were making too much money. I mean and who would think it today that a bunch of people, men, would want to stand around watching women exert themselves? I don't know where the idea came from. On the 6th of December 1897, London became the first city in the world to host licensed taxi cabs. The 7th of December 1897 brought the first recorded use of the phrase, the way I see it, mate. And in 1956, 6th of December 1956, the Blood in the Water water polo match between Hungary and the Soviet Union took place at the Olympics in Melbourne against the backdrop of the Hungarian Revolution of 1956. I mean, unquestionably,

the most famous water polo match ever played ended up with, well, some fairly exotic violence in the pool as Hungary beat the Soviet Union 4-0. To mark the occasion this historic anniversary in the traditional modern sporting manner. I thought you said they were just beating them with the mallets in the water. Just whack and hat them. On the corpses of the drowned horses. To mark the occasion in the traditional modern sporting manner, celebrity YouTuber Bitsy Drivel will wrestle Hungary's oldest living water polo international, Laszlo Wolf in a giant paddling pool full of jelly. If Drivel can beat or drown the 98 year old, he'll take home $50 million in Bitcoin. Otherwise, a check for $250 will be given to an owl sanctuary in Budapest. So that's a touching, touching

memento of that famous thing. I watched a variation of that film when I was single in uni. On the 7th of December 1965, we have the Catholic Orthodox Joint Declaration, one of the all-time great declarations, certainly better than Ben Stokes's declaration, Edgbaston in 2023. In the Catholic Orthodox Joint Declaration of 1965, Catholicism superstar Pope Paul VI and Athanagoras I, the Eastern Orthodox Church's top-ranked patriarch at the time, simultaneously revoked their mutual excommunications. And surely this gesture of unity is a beacon of hope for the squabbly regions of the world right now. Even organizations are seemingly far apart as the Catholic Church and the Eastern Orthodox Church, basically two versions of Christianity that basically believe most of the same stuff. If they can set aside their

historic differences after only 911 years since the great schism of 1054 set up mutual excommunications, we've all got hope. We all have hope. I just need to wait a few few hundred more years. I believe the original lesson from that declaration was those Anglicans. But it's amazing if you say it in Latin people just assume that it's so wise and peaceful. peaceful, you know, the great thing about Latin. Yeah, those Calvinist. As always, a section of this esteemed audio newspapers going straight in the bin and this week, well, it's the next instalments of our conspiracy theories advent calendar, we gave you conspiracy theories for the first of the seventh of December last week. We've got more for you this week last conspiracy theory for the eighth of December is that the Old Testament was a forgery perpetrated by Sherlock Holmes

writer and forgery specialist Arthur Conan Doyle in 1924, a hundred years ago to this minute. The evidence for this conspiracy theory is that Conan Doyle never denied this claim. An interesting Conan Doyle fact, the band ACDC were such fans of Sherlock Holmes they took their band name from the Arthur Conan Doyle Club the fan club that they'd set up later acronyms to give them their famous band name. Fact. Your conspiracy theory for the 9th of December Bolivia is not in fact landlocked it has a secret stretch of coastline between Greece and Albania. Evidence why on earth would a country be landlocked these days? For the 10th of December, the conspiracy theory for you to spread is that tennis legend John McEnroe was on the payroll of the global fancy dress industry.

His catchphrase, you cannot be serious, earned him $1 million every time he said it. It was part of a campaign to use subliminal nudges to make the world a more frivolous place thus making people more likely to buy or rent fancy dress costumes evidence there's way more way more fancy dress now than in the pre-Mac and Row era join the dots your fan the theory for the 11th global warming is a hoax very popular theory the evidence is if the world used to be so much colder than it is now how come all the pictures of Jesus from 2,000 ago show him either in just a pair of underpants or a loose fitting beach towel type thing. For the 12th of December, the conspiracy theory is the royal

family are not lizards as everyone says they are, but they are in fact a secret breed of alien tortoise and at night they use their shells as satellite transmitters to send data back to the mothership. The evidence, just look at their faces in the morning, it just never looks right. For the 13th of December, your theory is that the Roman Empire collapsed because they invented the Rubik's Cube and no one ever got anything done after that. It was invented in the year 324, originally named after the famous River Rubicon of course, and the evidence is that if they could build aqueducts that took water over 250 miles, they can invent a Rubik's cube. And finally, for the 14th of December, Amelia Earhart did not disappear over the

Pacific. She made it all the way across the Pacific Ocean landed in Columbia and started a new life as a novelist taking the pen name Gabrielle Garcia Marquez. And the evidence is that Earhart disappeared in 1937. And Garcia Marquez is first novel did not come out until after that in 1962. So we're quite a lot. I think that's a pretty strong one myself. You're saying that the royal family are not reptiles, but they're actually reptiles. Uh, different, different, different, different sort, different sort. A friend wouldn't point that out, Lee. A friend would not point that out, R he? A friend would not point that out, would he?

We'd just let him slide. We'd just let him slide on that. I'm saying they're not lizards specifically. No one would ever claim that they're not reptiles. I don't know, I don't even think they would claim that. If they're actually tortoises, then that would explain why they all live so long. Exactly. Exactly. That makes a lot of sense.

Yeah. And honestly, Prince Andrew's got to have a hard shell. Keeps the sweating. Does like an island. Right. I think it's about time that section went in the bin. Right, I think it's about time that section went in the bin. Top story this week, chaos around the world.

Well, a few areas of the world have been really dominating the global chaos news over recent years, but we've had some exciting new entrants into chaos news in the past week. We're going to start in South Korea since we last bugled. Well, pretty much what we all expected to happen happened. The South Korean president attempted a military coup against himself in an effort to keep himself in power. It was thwarted, meaning that he's still in power, but not in as much power as he evidently wanted. He's now facing impeachment. This was after he declared martial law on Tuesday, and playing the martial law card generally an attempt to show authority by someone who's failing to show any authority. And he did it so authoritatively that martial law collapsed after

six hours, which is less than the length of a day of test cricket. And in terms of revolutions, you want your revolution to last at least the length of a one-day international James. Thank you. Thank you. And it's always wonderful when you remind a New Zealander about one-day internationals. I think the lesson to be learned here is, and I'll be honest, I learned it myself on Tuesday when I myself called martial law out on that pub, is that don't call martial law until you have the army in place. Like there's actually, I know it sounds like

it's like just a reactionary thing to just say in the moment, like, oh no, oh sorry, no, I have two cards, but it is actually something you should plan for. And so one of the things I would say, just as a word of advice to anyone out there thinking about declaring martial law and future is make sure the army's in place before you do it. Because one of the reasons that his martial law declaration collapsed is because the cabinet was able to get into the building and vote it down before the army was able to secure the building against the cabinet. And so it's just basics, basics like this.

They always say, you know, in military strategy, a key element is surprise. But I guess you don't want to surprise your own military. That's that's one of the fundamental parts of it, I guess. Yeah. I mean, you know, it's a shame,, really. It's a shame because it was quite a clever idea to say, I don't want us to become more like North Korea, which is run by a military dictatorship. So what I'm going to do is essentially install myself as a military dictator. Like I saw where he was going with that genius. It just fell through on on the strategy of it.

Yeah. I feel the Pacific has to take the blame here. It's very unfortunate because everything seemed to be fine in South Korea until we sent Bruno Mars to hook up with Rosie. And I just feel like a couple of weeks of, ah, put it up, put it up, put it up. And they were just like, shut it down. Shut it all down. Get this smooth Hawaiian brother off. Actually, you know, my favorite thing about Rosie from a black pink is that every bit of media you find

about her in biographies is New Zealand and South Korean musician and half of black pink is actually got strong New Zealand highs, which makes sense because Blackpink sounds like a New Zealand sports team, the All Blacks, the Black Caps. It just sounds like our gay rugby team, the Blackpinks. And with such a strong pop culture, K-pop force with Ties New Zealand, I can honestly tell listeners New Zealand has no idea what to do with that. They're absolutely lost. You've been to New Zealand's, Andy, Ria, I don't know if you've been to New Zealand. Beige is the color de jure of that country. The sports teams are black, but beige is the vibe. And with Kate,

they're just like, Oh, can we put them in Taika's films or something? They have no idea what to do. Taika's films or something, they have no idea what to do. And I just think it was too much Pacific vibes coming into South Korea. And they just panicked and called martial law. Though, that either of you two hear about the South Korean Democratic Party leader who live streamed himself breaking into parliament. That's got to be a first, isn't it? The other thing is he's 60 years old is that Lee Jae Myung 60 years old, scaled the fence, which was difficult because he's legally disabled from an injury to his arm from when he was a child laborer in a rubber factory. Also back in January, he was stabbed in the neck. And if that sounds

badass, he's also serving a suspended one year sentence for election crimes. And he's the leader of their Democratic Party. I mean, Americans would kill for that kind of backstory. I still love that the vote took him down, by the way. Yeah, martial law actually taking the vote. My yeah. Oh, democracy wins again. President Youn had accused the opposition of paralyzing the government with, quote, anti-state activities, which is what a lot of rulers and ruling parties now use for just being in opposition. It's a kind of interchangeable

term in modern democracy. He announced a six-point decree which banned political activities and parties false propaganda. Surely that's the whole point of propaganda is to be false, isn't it? So but false propaganda, so they were hitting him with the truth. So that's all that false propaganda is. Strikes a man and gatherings that incite social unrest, which I think could pretty much include all sporting events. So it collapsed, as we said, within hours. I don't know if they had a luncheon, a tea break in the six hours of martial law. And now President Youn is being investigated by South Korean police for alleged insurrection, which on current trends in the democratic world should bake him in for a successful re-election within four years.

And he's facing possible impeachment. So basically, I mean, this is just a classic playbook now for for baking yourself into power. I mean, I know it's a serious story, but am I the only one going, man, I cannot wait for the TV adaptation of this because it's Korean drama. You know, it's going to be good. Yeah, but in the TV version, only one man will be left standing and it'll be that guy with the injury that got stabbed in the neck. That live streamed. Knife still in the neck. Yeah. Blowing in the wind. Just one rubber arm hanging down. Well, at around about the same time that President Youn was putting in his bid

for most incompetent and confused military coup of all time. France, also known as France, was also in turmoil, aka dans un grand storm du chite. The government has resigned after a no confidence vote. The first time that has happened since 1962, which put that in context, is way before the bugle started. President Macron has refused to step down. This is after Prime Minister Michel Barnier had to resign. Macron could be facing an overconfidence motion, I think. He's set to address the nation this evening. We're recording on Thursday. And this is according to the Elysée Palace, which is currently one of the most talkative buildings Lize Palace, which is currently one of the most talkative buildings in the world, right up there with 10 Downing Street and the White House. So it's always hard to understand another country's

politics, particularly, I guess, as you tend to sort of dip in and out of it when something big happens, like what's happened in South Korea and France. I mean, France obviously has, you know, had a bit of an impressive track record of getting rid of governments with a range of degrees of violence, also renowned for its phenomenal range of cheeses and intermittently spectacular rugby. But what was interesting about this was that this was a very rare example politically of the left wing and the right wing working together. And as a result, the centrist government has collapsed. What did you make of this?

I mean, I saw somebody else comment, a business leader just going, France needs this. And I was like, I think they do. They do need a wake-up call because it's the equivalent of Caroline Lucas and Nigel Farage agreeing on things. And if that were to happen in this country, in the UK at least, I think we'd be like, okay, something's very, very wrong when the Green Party and reform are saying, do you know what, we need this to stop.

And so I'm worried about it. I mean, Marine Le Pen, you know, she's been gunning for them no matter what. And to be fair, just to give the balanced perspective of this, when she kept crapping all over their budget, she didn't like consistently go, your budget is crap. She would literally take, let's say the 50 page document and hand it back crapped on page two, and then they'd give it back to her and have adapted page two, let's say, the 50 page document and hand it back

crapped on page two, and then they'd give it back to her and have adapted page two, and then she'd crap on page 12, and then they'd give it back to her and she'd crap on page, like she just kept crapping all over the, like more like, rather than like, you know, a mammal who can control their bowel movement, she was more like a bird that just lets it loose whenever because they have no sphincter. And so that was part of the problem, to be fair. Yeah, I'm sticking with that metaphor. I'm sticking with it. All right. And don't get me wrong, the metaphor ends, it was not lucky for the budget that she bird pooed all over it. And so that was part of the problem is that she just is looking to destabilize without

Actually having a plan going forward. So I don't know that it's gonna necessarily work in her favor I don't know that she's gonna suddenly get that mmm power that she's looking for especially since at the moment They're also deciding whether or not she should even be allowed to serve for a year because of things that she's done wrong So yeah I think if you know what I think the French could really do with right now if I'm totally honest after all of this a royal family I Really think they just need one unifying force to come in at the top and just you know They can have a little party they can hand out cupcakes to everybody and they can just be like listen You tried it without us clearly it hasn't worked

shall we just come back in and sort stuff out it's the french version of the uh the bake-off called let them eat cake i do i do hope it is um it certainly ought to be um i mean it is you know increasing trend for countries that had a bit of a revolution in the late 18th century realizing that things aren't panning out too well for them. So, you know, America, France, the evidence is mounting up. This is France. This is the country that needed two elections to figure out that Nazis were bad. Like they're having a bit of a year.

I love that the prime minister has resigned, but because it's the far left and the far right that have come together, all of the possible replacements are being shat on. So they've also asked him to stay. Which again, feels very French. They're like, you must resign. I resigned. Very good. No one wants this job. Please stay. Until we find another one. Yeah. It's very European though. That's very European. Just to say that their politicians are always metaphorically falling on their swords and going, I did something wrong. I shall quit. And they go, we accept your resignation, but please stay on and continue to do the job.

With the sword still in you. You are a criminal. I am a criminal. You tell the truth. Hell noble, please Yeah Barney I lost it only 91 days as as prime minister which to put in context is Less than two Liz trusses when that that really is an embarrassingly short amount of time to serve as prime It's less than two trusses. It's true. Bye They checked the lettuce and the lettuce did wilt before him. So at least he can hold his head up. So as you say, the difficulties in finding a new prime minister, the leading options are currently, uh, Michelle Brannier, which

is a version of Michelle Barney from a computer simulation, which they didn't have the rights to use the politicians actual names, the, uh names. The Statue of Liberty, which is of course French and as we announced last week is currently swimming its way back across the Atlantic following Trump's re-election. And Antoine Dupont, the genius Scrum half, might be the one figure that can unify a divided nation. But ahead of the vote of No Confidence, Barnier described it as a moment of truth, of responsibility. And I think what he's hit on there is that a moment is the absolute upper limit of the amount of truth and responsibility humanity can take right now. I mean, and even a moment is a stretch.

I mean, politics and responsibility these days go together like the continents of Africa and South America, in that they drifted apart so long ago, it's hard to see them ever getting back together. Even if when you look at them, you think, well, that should fit. But realistically, it's just not going to happen. But sadly, that goose has baked itself on a ship and that ship has bolted the stable. So it's slightly concerning that Germany's government collapsed like a month ago. Yeah. And then France, you know, it's Germany and France, it's too big. Like somehow Spain is solid ground right now, though I'm guessing at New Year's they're

going to fall apart. It's just a little... I can understand. I can understand the world at this point in the 21st century when things aren't going great. Having some nostalgia for the 20th century, but not those fucking point in the 21st century when things aren't going great. Having some nostalgia for the 20th century, but not those fucking bits of the 20th century. That's the wrong bits to be nostalgic for. Yeah, it's vibing a little 1938 right now.

It's just vibing a little 38. So all eyes on checklist of Achaia. If that goes, we know what to do, right? Well, I mean, if they get back together, and I think that and then go, then we'll know there's trouble afoot. And just for anyone listening from there, we know it's Checha. Is it even not, is it Republic of Czech now? It was Checha.

Oh, we don't know. All right. All right. For anyone listening for that part of the world, we genuinely still don't know, but we're pleased for you whatever you decide. Oh, it's the bugle listeners. We are absolutely getting corrected on this. Last time I was there, it was Chetia, but I think it might have changed. Bonnie also described the no confidence motion as quotes like adding a genuine live childbirth to a school nativity play. Yeah, sorry, didn't use those exactly.

What he said was it will make everything more serious and more difficult. So basically, that's the most French theatrical answer he could have. Can I use that? I want to, I think that that needs to enter the general vernacular is like, why are you adding a live birth to the nativity? Just a comment for difficult. I am going to use that all the time. Well, we're always seeking to expand the boundaries of language on this podcast. There's definitely an artist listening to this going, Edinburgh, 2025. I see it. I see

it. Man, imagine giving birth like 25 days in a row with only one day's off. What? And paying 10,000 pounds. Oh, it's a different one every day. It's a different, oh, Edinburgh has never wanted for young aspiring white actresses. They'll just get them all in, put a little smock on them. And then you give birth. You get same same father, though. And that's the director.

A very. Oh dear. Oh, oh, showbiz. He's probably a former standup comic. Master birth. Moving on. Right. So. Sorry, sorry.

In um. In other revolutions news, if we may move aside, I unleashed that, I mean, so often the case where, what starts as just an innocent story of childbirth in the Middle East spirals out of control. And that's really how it all started, to be honest, coming in from a Jewish perspective. But there we go. Moving now to Georgia, where huge protests there as well, street demonstrations, a string

of resignations from public positions triggered by the ruling party's decision to suspend its efforts to join the European Union or at least start talks on joining the European Union. Protesters want Georgia to join side with Europe rather than Russia, it seems. And you can sort of see that really at the moment. I don't think Vladimir Putin, you know, in terms of PR and marketing, he's not selling the Russian model as an attractive option to countries that might want to, you know, ally themselves to to Russia. I mean, do you want your children to be sent for slaughter to satisfy the range man Stalin cosplay ego adult fever dreams, then sign up for the all exclusive premium Putin service. Now with added media repression and extrajudicial slayings, you can see it's a tough sell. And the people

of Georgia don't seem to be reacting particularly strongly to that. Prime Minister Iraqi Koba Kidzai has said that the protesters and opposition have, the protesters had fallen victim to opposition lies and again this is typical of someone in power. Why can't people just believe the lies told to them by their elected governments who have been democratically put in place to tell the kind of lies that people voted for. They should believe those lies are not the opposition lies. This isn't the root of all these democratic problems. It does seem to be quite a trend at the moment to have these kind of, it's just democracy

just falling apart the world over. Yes. Oh, that's disappointing answer, falling apart the world over. Yes. Oh, that's disappointing. I'm James, but authoritatively. Well, that was the theme of 2024. Wasn't that the running, the running gag? Yeah. That seemed to be that way.

I love the fact that the leading party is called Georgia dream. I mean, way to, you know, pop idol up your political process. Yeah, I think it isn't that democracy is failing. It's that we're not seeing democracy working. Yes. Well, the EU and America have apparently accused Koba Kidze and his government of, quote, democratic backsliding, which from what I remember was a niche fetish popular with a number of British MPs in the 1990s, if I remember, if I remember rightly. Oh, that's not what Michael Jackson used to do? I don't think there was a lot of democratic about that.

And last, America suspended its strategic partnership with Georgia, which is probably good practice because on January the 20th America will suspend its strategic partnership with absolutely Everything and absolutely everyone so just get used to it. Let's just get used to the absence of strategic partnerships Well, I never thought I'd say this I did I've said it once before like Theresa May needs to come back. Do you remember when Theresa May literally held his hand and went, you will commit to NATO. We need her back. We need her back.

She, she had, you know, she, she was the only woman that could get through to Trump because she's the only woman that he doesn't want to f**k. You know, he actually hears what she says instead of looks at her tits and goes, I think it's cause Donald Trump thinks Theresa May is the pigeon lady from Home Alone 2 that he made friends with when he was doing the cameo there. I think that's why they have a connection. Georgia is such an abused child though. Like you can just tell when it's like, we don't want Russian democracy.

And everyone's like, that's not democracy. And it's like, we want Western democracy. And it was like, which one do you want? The one that's collapsing in Germany, the one that's collapsing in France, the UK one, where it's somehow Western democracy. It was like, which one do you want? The one that's collapsing in Germany, the one that's collapsing in France, the UK one where it's somehow a democracy, but you've got a king or the US one where you can get a dictator if you like. Well, a lot of Georgians want to join the European Union. And you can see that as an attractive option. Because we in Britain, we've shown,

you know, it's a risk-free trial scheme for European Union. You can join for 40 years. And then if things are going pretty well, you can decide it's not for you and leave. So it's nice to have that option as an EU member state. There's been violence towards journalists and protesters, reporters have been pepper sprayed and beaten. Doesn't entirely give off the sensible democratic regime vibe from Prime Minister Kobber-Kidso, but I guess that's becoming less and less

trendy with the leaders of the world. I would advise anybody in a position of opposition in Georgia to maybe shut their windows and don't go near any bridges. General advice, it's cold, it's winter, you don't need to open the window, you don't need to stand near the window and you certainly don't need to fall out of the window, okay? Just shut the window, stay on the ground floor and if you're going for a walk, avoid the river. All sound advice for anyone, not just opposition politicians in Georgia. I don't know if anyone's ever drunk with Eastern European journalists before but All sound advice for anyone, not just opposition politicians in Georgia.

I don't know if anyone's ever drunk with Eastern European journalists before, but pepper spraying and beating is kind of a kink. So I don't know if it's having the detrimental effect that people think of it. I think maybe the people don't realize Georgia is actually one of the few European rugby nations and they're a genuine powerhouse. It's their national sport. And so what I would say to the good people of Georgia is have you considered New Zealand because the all blacks have had a bit of a rough patch and they are rebuilding. And you know, we welcome all people, all genders.

We've got a great gay rugby team, the Blackpinks, and you can come and join as well. You know, if you've got to get out and get as far away as possible, that's the foundation of New Zealand immigration. In other democracy being undermined news now, Biden has pardoned Biden. Departing President Joe Biden has issued a presidential pardon for his son Hunter Biden had repeatedly said he wouldn't pardon his son because well as a fan of democracy and justice as we assume he is issuing a random pardon and undermining the entire concepts of justice judicial independence fairness and the law would be obviously ridiculous particularly when stepping into your still warm oval office

slippers in January is a great big orange lunatic who urinates on a voodoo doll of the goddess justicia every morning before breakfast. But he's changed his mind because well, understandably, he's a father with a son and he doesn't like the idea of his son spending a long time in jail. Donald Trump has called it an abuse and miscarriage of justice, which I think is the biggest compliment he's ever paid to Joe Biden in all the years that they've been sparring politically.

Biden had reportedly wrestled over the decision. And when you're wrestling in your 80s, I guess it's good to keep active, but you can't really count on getting the right result. It is one of the weirdest things I find about American policy. And something we've talked about various times over the years on the bugle, the idea of the

presidential pardon. And you know, all countries have their well, you might describe them as democratic kinks, we have, you know, the House of Lords and departing prime ministers being able to put their friends in it as MPs for the rest of eternity. But the presidential pardon seems to be a particularly bizarre one, but it's quite rare that it's your own family. I mean, Trump obviously wanted to pardon himself. So I mean, this is just, I guess,

another symptom of the changing politics of America. It's definitely not a royal decree. I think we just have to be very clear. It's definitely not a royal decree. The prince is not being let off the hook. I think we've learned a lot of things from this pardon. I think we understand now why Kamala Harris was never going to be president because she has no children to pardon. So what's the point of giving her that power? Secondly, I loved the fact that he didn't

just pardon him for the things he'd pled guilty to. He pardoned him for anything he might have done in the last 11 years, known, unknown, being prosecuted, not being prosecuted, being investigated, all of it, all of it. 11 years of the slate wiped clean, which I think was really good of daddy given that Hunter himself can't remember a lot of it given how high he was at the time. You know, I understand it as John Stewart said himself actually on The Daily Show the other day, he said it's fair enough like Biden's 82 he does want to spend his last few years visiting his son in prison. I get that you know all good all good reasons but ultimately I feel like it is a little bit of a game. It's like some kind of 3D chess that Biden's now playing with Trump, just going, oh, I'll see your crazy pardons and I'll raise you. And it does actually nullify a lot of, you know, Hunter did commit those crimes.

He has done things, but it wasn't the fact that he was being prosecuted and convicted of the crimes. It was the fact that the punishments weren't equal to what that crime normally gets is what made Joe go, you know what? The world's gone to hell in a handbag. I have one power that I'm going to, you know. I mean, it's not like he gave him a job in the cabinet, which is what Trump did with all of his kids. He already pled guilty, he's already done some repentance and he's just gone, okay, wiping the slate clean. I'd be interested to know if whether behind the scenes

he said, but Hunter, you do one snort, you do one injection, you do one thing and it's all back on the table. That's what I would have done as a mom. I would have said, look, I'm going to pardon you for this, but if I find one vape in your room, it's all back again. It's good parenting. That's good parenting. Keep them scared. That has been the American foreign policy for several decades now. Right. And now that they feel they've scared everyone enough, they're going to

completely a hundred percent retreat and just go, right guys, you're all screwed. You're on your own. Thanks for the oil. See ya. Well, we will have exclusive coverage of the fracturing of global democracy over the next, let's say 15 to 20 years before it's all done and we're just living under the global dictatorship of Elon Musk. But we'll have exclusive coverage of the journey to that utopian goal here on The Bugle for the rest of meaningful time. What is that, till next Wednesday? What's

the rest of meaningful time at this rate? I'm amazed we made it to four o'clock to even do this record. Pacific News now. James, you're of course the Bugles correspondent for the world's largest ocean and all the islands and lands and people within it. Bring us up to date with that vast part of the globe. Thank you, Andy. And of course, the biggest and most pressing news coming out of the Pacific right now is, is Moana too good? That's generally the question dividing

the entire Pacific region, because we all know it's not, but we are all related to people in the cast. And this is the dilemma facing many of us, particularly the Samoans and Tokolaans. In slightly less important news, Vanuatu has urged the International Court of Justice to find polluting nations, the big ones, you know, America, Australia, India, China, find them guilty of acting unlawfully by contributing to climate change, which would be, of course, a landmark ruling as effective as any other ruling that the International Court of Justice has made in recent times. What has made the news this week is

that Australia, who have spent most of the year flying around the Pacific, courting Pacific powers on behalf of the Orcas military pact, has gone to the August military pact has gone to the court, they've gone to the Hague, gone to the Netherlands and they've gone, Oh, do you know what, Mike? Um, we reckon it's, it's pretty good. To which the Pacific Island delegates, probably standing in water have gone, Oh, what the hell? What hell are you talking about? It's like, nah, it's pretty good. New Zealand actually has an ongoing bushfire right now.

Thankfully not near any cricket grounds, Andy, so they're safe. Oh, good, that's good, yeah. But it's been quite a U-turn that the Australians have pulled on the rest of the Pacific, and it's infuriated Vanuatu. And I don't know if you've ever met angry people from Vanuatu. I haven't actually tried to work with. The Vanuatu special envoy on climate change

Ralph Regan Vanu, I hope I pronounced that correctly, said there's an urgent need for a collective response to climate change grounded not in political convenience, but in international law. And coming at this from the perspective of someone from one of the Western powers, don't make us give up political convenience. It's all we've got left. It is literally all we've got left. What an Australian government spokesperson said that Australia is committed to working together with the Pacific to strengthen global climate action. I think that's really where things have broken down in the communication because the Pacific read that as Australia will support us in places like the International Court of Justice. And Australia read that as we will help your best rugby players come to our country to play in our sports teams.

That's the thing with language. There's just so many different ways of interpreting it. Although far be it for someone who's grown up in New Zealand to make fun of a country for taking Pacific Island rugby players. Well, that brings us to the end of this week's Bugle. Don't forget the perfect Christmas present is available, which is tickets to my tour show, which you can give to anyone, wherever you us to the end of this week's bugle. Don't forget, the perfect Christmas present is available, which is tickets to my tour show, which you can give to anyone.

Where ever you live in the world, even if they can't come, it'd be a lovely gesture. Details of the dates on my website, andyzoltswim.co.uk or just ask someone in the street nicely to look it up for you. James, anything to plug? Yes, if you are at all interested in the Pacific and American and French politics and

climate change, I've got a new podcast series out called The Last Voyage of the Rainbow Warrior on the nuclear tests in the Marshall Islands and the French bombing of the Rainbow Warrior, which is available anywhere you can get the bugle. Sounds fantastic. Is that for real? Is that for real? Because my nickname in high school was the Rainbow Warrior. So now I need to get all of your books. Because French agents kept on trying to bomb you? I grew up in the Netherlands. Thank God for Belgium is all I'm going to say. But no, that was Rainbow. I was called the Rainbow Warrior growing up. But sorry, please join my mailing list. If you go to my website, realena.com, you can either join my WhatsApp group or you can

join my mailing list. There will be news coming out in January and there will be cheaper options if you're on the list that will not be available to the general public. So sign up now for that and I will let you know in mail-outs or on WhatsApp. Well, that's it for this week's Bugle. Next week, well picking up on the theme of Moana 2 being apparently a terrible film. We have a special guest next week, a blast from the Bugle past, who's been in even shitter films than that. Yeah, we're going right back right back in bugle time so do tune in for that one. We'll be recording it hopefully next Friday. Until then buglers goodbye.