The Bugle - Hot Girl Summer Indictment Tour

Episode Date: May 20, 2024

Andy, Hari and Tiff on Trump v Biden v Brain Worms. Plus, societal roles of women and diversity, endangered species, the misbehavior of vegetables, and Irish-American relationship.You can now watch our sold out live show on 8th June, wherever you are in the world: https://www.thebuglepodcast.com/liveSend thoughts and questions for Andy at [e-mail]. Click follow to make sure you get every episode and please drop us a nice review or rating wherever you choose.This episode was presented and written by:Andy ZaltzmanTiff StevensonHari KondaboluAnd producer by Chris Skinner and Laura Turner Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Ah ah ah ah ah! The Bugle The Bugle, audio newspaper for a visual world. Hello Buglers and welcome to issue 4303 of The Bugle and Faveur. Sorry, I must stop just reading acronyms out. Ayaz! Sorry, I am Andes Ozman and it abs dim hill. Sorry, it is a beautiful sunny day in May here in London. Right, it is the Friday the 17th of May, unlucky for some Friday the 17th

actually statistically just as risky and lucky or otherwise is Friday the 13th, according to latest statistics. And the year is Friday the 13th according to latest statistics and the year is once again 2024 and I'm joined this week by Tsarac, oh sorry Tiff Stephenson and Hari Kondabolu welcome to both of you hello hello hi not been acronym is acronymized before in my intro yeah acronyms you can be I mean yeah just anything can be verbed these days Just don't take a word and verb it feel we me. Is that right for we we? Yeah, but what's for what is worth? I enjoyed it. Oh good

How are you hurry? Great Andy, I'm act I'm doing really I'm really really well. Yeah, that's not the reaction I well either I was expecting all no, it's great I haven't I haven't followed the news and and weeks Seems like everything is going the way it's supposed to finally. Yeah Absolutely. I mean, you know, I know I'm contractually obliged to ask you how you are So you can complain about either how you are or me asking you how you are So it's nice to get a positive response.

Well, I wanted to give you a positive response. So I'm completely unprepared today. So I have no idea how bad things truly are. All right. Well, that's probably the best way to live these days. We are recording on the 17th of May, 2024, as I said. It is National Endangered Species Day, which I don't know if either of you are celebrating, but we have a special tie-up with the Endangered Species Coalition who organized the day and it's an exclusive opportunity for you buglers to nominate the species you would like to see join the endangered list. What species do you think should be hunted to the point of

extinction or have its habitat humanized or its environment developed and developed to join the illustrious likes of the rhinoceros and the tiger on the endangered list? So maybe do send us in your suggestions, maybe go for the rat or the pigeon, the stoat, the buck, the hedgehog, spaghetti, the Mauritanian ferret fish or the zebra, whatever you suggest, we all get to work on starting to get that species wiped out and thus into the media. As always a section of the Bugle is going straight in the bin. This week a vegetable control section with well standards of behavior just generally around the world getting worse and worse. Even the vegetable community have been misbehaving and we teach you how to control your vegetables, how to punish a naughty

turnip. We ask can a potato be truly obedient? Carrots friend or foe? Praise then braise, two steps to the perfect aubergine or eggplant for those of you without Google Translate. Shepherding peas do's and don'ts for a tidy plate. And how to f*** a cauliflower right up good and proper. All of that in our vegetable control section in the bin. The only way to go with the cauliflower is to roast it. Yep. Get it up on the dais and get five or six comedians around to really like, pair some strips off it.

That is the only acceptable form of comedic roast. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha power drilling through the bottom of yet more barrels to see exactly how far it can sink. Well like if you... that's exactly what you're getting this US election year. The election in early November is hoving into view like a slow-motion custard pie into an immovable clown's face. Hari, you are right there in the USA, the center of global democracy in this year of elections. How is it going for you? I know you're a huge democracy fan. I've seen the tattoos. Well, how does it feel?

You know those dreams where you're slowly falling and you don't know when you're going to hit the bottom and you just hope to God you wake up so you don't hit the bottom Yeah, it's like that I had that in my olympic diving final actually I mean they they announced uh that there are going to be debates and they announced debate dates, which is kind of like Who who is undecided at this point? Who at this point is like, I don't know anything about either candidate. Oh, both, both of them have been president?

Really? In this country? Wow. I thought they announced that as they agreed to two dates. And I was like, cute. I have a feeling that Trump's going to forget his wallet on both dates. It's funny, like for Biden, they put Post-it notes in the old law office. They put Post-it notes on Air Force One.

They put post-it notes in the bathroom with the dates on it next to the post-it notes that tell him that he's president. Trump though knows the dates because he's excited. It's the first time he has to remember a date that has nothing to do with court. So he's pretty excited about the whole thing. So are those the only two dates between now and early November that he's not basically sitting in a courtroom saying, no, I didn't?

His, he's had a busy schedule. He's been, it's been booked. It's been booked between the four trials. Biden even used it as a jab, didn't he? He said, let's pick dates. I hear you're free on Wednesdays. Is this just like now we're in this the lesser of two old men who were too old you know like Joe Biden went full ron burgundy and read everything on the prompter

but uh you know Trump lost a civil rape case apples and oranges I guess. Joe seems a bit like a befuddled granddad with ice cream dripping down his hand, like not answering questions about Gaza, and Trump incited an insurrection. Apples and oranges. That actually is, that is one issue they do disagree on, is what's happening with Israel and with the Palestinians. Both of them agree on the idea of Palestinians, but Biden wants to stop killing them now and pick up at a later date, and Trump wants to finish now.

Right. It's a valid satirical point. We bleaked, we just bleaked ourselves, didn't we? That was way too, I didn't know I could get that dark. Wow, okay, yeah, yeah, fair, it's fair. It's touchy, it's touchy. Yep. Because it's genocide when it's happening. It's you know, tragedy plus time.

Well, there's lots of tragedies, so it's going to be wild. I'm annoyed for Americans that this is the system that you're in this, you know, two party, let Robert Kennedy, Jr. onto debate, you know, I mean, he's got literal brain worms. I mean, I, I'm laughing, but he did come out and say that they found a parasitic worm in his brain and something had happened. But I feel like they should let him in on the debate because I feel like, like you say, Harry, that, you know, the other two have been seen by the public. And I think if there's a Kennedy willing to get in the mix knowing their history and everything

that's happened to their family, I think you've got to give them a fair go. I mean, I just think it's fascinating to have a debate between two men whose brains have deteriorated naturally and one man who's had his brain eaten away by a worm. Like, that is a very interesting experiment. Like, does old age or worms really cause more damage? That's sort of a new twist on the nature-nurture debate, isn't it? The two dates to look out for, 27th June and 10th September, those are the dates to pop in your diaries to remind yourself to find something to do that doesn't involve whimpering and despair at what we've become. I mean, you think two mature season campaigners approaching their twilight years with decades of public life and high office behind them

discussing how best to deal with the multifarious challenges of America and the world as the third millennium evolves you might think oh that sounds like a really good idea and probably will be an interesting sophisticated discussion suffused with wisdom compassion and insight the kind that comes only with a depth of experience and a grasp of your own mortality. But unfortunately, you might only think that if you've managed to avoid the last, what, 20, 30 or maybe two and a half thousand years of political history. And what you're actually going to get is going to sound more like two rabid but horny donkeys wrestling in a cement mixer. It's basically going to be a two-man war against linguistic coherence. And that is what American democracy has become, I guess.

I guess it's always a gossip within line these days between democratic debate and harrowing journey into the deepest chasms of the human soul, wherein the generational failures of our species bark and squawk until nothing is left but the dank stench of failure and the recriminatory growl of our past, our present, our presence

and our future. Which to be fair can make reasonable television. It honestly feels like when they're debating they're just roasting America. Why are they being so mean to us by having this debate right now? Well it's going to be busy because I do think, hasn't Trump got this hot girl summer indictment tour all around the US? That's what I'm calling it. New York, Miami, District of Columbia and Atlanta. I mean, I don't know which one you're most excited to see, but I'm excited to see the Rico charge one, which I think is,'s Atlanta is it was it Colombia the Rico

charges because he can't pardon himself out of them I think the rest of them if he becomes president he can actually pardon himself but I'm also excited by the Rico ones because Giuliani's in there and Giuliani created the Rico and so now he's being indicted, because game recognize game, right? So. So. But also Sheen, the clothing company brand, that's currently being recoded. They're being recoded.

So I'm excited for there to be a collab between Sheen and Trump, just some insurrection hoodies, some January 6th pants. My favorite, I went to the Capitol and all I got was this Tiki torch burn t-shirt. Every one of the Trump trials feels like a different law and order franchise. Like SVU is the rape case obviously, then if you're into election fraud we got one of

those, if you're into racketeering we got one of those. If you're into racketeering, we got one of those. It's like it depends on what you're interested. There's a Trump trial for you. Which one do you want to follow? Choose your own adventure. Choose your own adventure. I mean, I realize the one, the Rico one is one that's a little more high end. So maybe you're more into porn star hush money.

OK, that's a little bit more of the reality show. Less high tier. It's a little more high-end so maybe you're more into porn star hush money okay that's a little bit more of the reality show less high tier it's a little cheaper it's the cheaper more accessible one which channels that one showing on oh that would that would definitely be sure showed on Bravo there? Oh no, no. Okay, okay, I wasn't sure which to... True TV. Is it possible even to keep track of all the different trials, Harry? Because I know you as a cricket fan, cricket is split into various formats, too many different formats, obviously, you know, the full test match, the one day game, the shorter versions of the game. I'm just really worried that Trump's judicial battles will suffer from the same fragmentation as almost competing against themselves for eyeballs. And I'm not sure that they can be a winner in the end.

It depends on what America truly values, right? Because in theory, it shouldn't be an issue considering March Madness is a thing here and that involves 128 to I believe 132 teams that involves 64, 66 games, something like that. They're happening at the same time essentially. Yeah. And this is just four or five trials. Right. So in theory, yes, but in reality, no. I do remember I was in America during March Madness once when Obama was president and I saw something on television in which he gave his full bracket predictions for March Madness and I thought there is no way someone who is President of America should have enough time to know that much about college basketball. And that's when I thought the world was doomed, to be honest.

If he didn't know anything about college basketball, he would not have gotten re-elected. That's the thing that is the scariest. In other American news now, well, you don't just have to be a presidential candidate to talk absolute, unutterable bullshit. As proved this week by Harrison Butka, the kicker for the Kansas City Chiefss who gave a commencement speech at Benedictine College, a Catholic school in Kansas, in which not only did he criticize President Biden but he also suggested that women should focus on being mothers and wives rather than pursuing careers and also laid into various other parts of society, in I think a speech that really proved that there is

a time and a place for athletes to talk and subjects that they should talk about. And look, I don't want to be prescriptive about, you know, saying all athletes, all sports people should steer clear of politics. I don't't believe that I just believe that if you are Harrison Butker you should probably shut the fuck up yeah yeah yeah yeah because look it's easy to denigrate sports people as unsophisticated spurners of the intellectual realm who've pointlessly devoted their lives to the physical and the fundamentally irrelevant it's easy but it's also I think mostly wrong these these people often, they strive for some form of human perfection, however, are fleetingly ephemeral, challenging themselves in multiple dimensions of excellence, mental, spiritual,

physical and temperamental. The complexity of a sport like American football as well requires a mental combination of study, memory, instinctual perception, spontaneity in the face of physical danger, unless you are Harrison Butker in which case you have to run up and boot a ball with minimal risk of injury. Obviously it's not as simple as that, but it is as simple as that. It's as simple as that, and you're absolutely correct. Also the fact that this isn't the result of him getting hit in the head repeatedly since he's a kicker.

Yeah, I was wondering. So the CTE doesn't, because I know maybe CTE had prevented him from reading the room or just reading. Unless it can go up, can it migrate from the foot up to the boat? It's weird because Travis Kelsey is his teammate who is dating Taylor Swift. Yes. So what does he see? What does Butker see when he sees Taylor Swift? What does he say to Travis Kelce? Like, it was a great concert. So when is she giving up this singing hobby

so we can finally get down to you having kids? Well, he even quoted Taylor Swift in his speech. The lyric familiarity breeds, breeds, I mean, I'm not a huge Swifty. I don't know a great deal about about the Swifty and over it but she does not seem to be the most obvious source of inspiration for someone arguing that women should stay in the home. He said that with the idea that women don't understand irony. Added to that as well, it's also been reported that Harrison Bucker's mother is a fairly high flying scientist as well, who's worked in oncology. So again, it's quite hard to see where these views, you know, what evidence he's been looking at here. Oh, I get it, Andy. How many birthdays do you think she missed because she was working?

How many times was she just too, too busy to be there? Do you think he wanted to kick a football? It's what he had to do. He was kicking footballs, waiting for his mom to come home and he got good enough at it to play professionally. Yeah, that's actually, let's, I think when in doubt, don't blame a man for his actions, let's blame his mother. There's always a woman, if you look around hard enough, there's always a woman at fault for this kind of thing. I think this is a reaction to the fact that Nikki Glaser did the best at the roast of Tom Brady.

It was like, we need to put these women in their place, because she absolutely nailed that. She was so funny. So I think this is a kickback. He sort of said my wife was... Listen, and it's fine if these are his beliefs, which I disagree with, it's more that you're at a college doing a commencement speech to women who have gone into further education, they're not doing courses on nappy changing and meatloaf cooking, like they're there because they

want to do something, you know, like your mum did. But he said my wife was happiest when she accepted her role as homemaker, which sounds like an official job that she applied for, you know, salary negotiable, depending on my mood, hours endless. Welcome to the team! So the women should like stick to being homemakers and leave men to the real jobs, like kicking a pigskin. Well that's fair, and you know, it was a speech suffused by his deep Catholic faith. it was a speech suffused by his deep Catholic faith. I mean, he did also rail against the tyranny of diversity, equity and inclusion. Now, I think I've laid my cards fairly firmly on the table over the course of the Bugles' history in that I am not a Christian, but I seem to remember that Jesus Christ, the number one ranked Christian messiah, if memory serves, was pretty pro-diversity, equity and inclusion, generally.

I mean, he only employed 12 guys in his boardroom, but still, you know, what he said, let's judge him by what he said, not by his recruitment policy. You know, he did seem to play those cards pretty strongly, but like I said, I'm a bit out of the loop. The tyranny of diversity, equity and inclusion. The tyranny of inclusion. I teach my kid that all the time. I tell my kid all the time, leave the minority kids out and that means I do not want you looking in a mirror. He did say some things that I think no one can argue with, including these words, everything I'm saying to you is not from a place of wisdom. I mean, it's good to say the like those cards on the table, Harrison. He also said, as men we set the tone of the culture and when that is absent disorder dysfunction and chaos set in. Now I mean that's a radical review of history Tiff, the idea that were it not

for men the planet would have been condemned to chaos through history. Chaos and no culture. We'd be a culturalist place. Well it was anti IVF, anti euthanasia, anti abortion. What I find about this is anti IVF, anti euthanasia, the argument for that from these kind of people is always like, it's against God, stop messing with nature. And inevitably these are always men who then use scientific intervention to get hair implants and keep their dicks hard. So I just, sorry buddy, God's will for you was baldness and a limp dick. Those are the breaks. I mean he's not there yet but let's give it, let's check in Harrison in about 20 years time and see if he's anti-messing with God's plans and God's will.

Also, he had an interesting take, Harry, on the epidemic of violence in the USA, which he blamed on absentee father rates in the USA, not, for example, on the Second Amendment and the fact that everyone has guns. I mean, how do you square those circles? One way of getting rid of the issue of absentee fathers would be abortion, I believe, would be the solution. He said a thing which is shocking that, I mean, everything he said is shocking, but he said in his speech, I would venture to guess that the majority of you women are most excited about your marriage and the children you will bring into this world. And what he cut out of the speech, which was smart on his part, was like you are excited about giving as opposed to receiving

oral sex. He gets women! What can I say? He gets women! Family show, Hari. I think maybe the highlight for me was this. He said, there is not enough time today for me to list all the stories of priests and bishops misleading their flocks.

And true, there is a great great great history throughout not just Catholicism or other franchises of Christianity but all religions of priests misleading their flocks that's pretty much the history of organized religion as far as I could make out but he added sadly many priests we are looking to for leadership are the same ones who prioritize their hobbies or even photos with their dogs in matching outfits for the parish directory. So this is the roots of the decay of American society, is priests taking photos of their dogs in matching outfits. But that's, if only it had been so simple, if

everyone had seen what Harrison Butka has seen, America could have healed itself years ago. It's just about the priests taking pictures of their dogs. Then that's sad in many ways that it's been allowed to go unchecked. ways that it's been allowed to go unchecked. Lovely dog link there Andy. A lovely dog link on the subject of dogs actually yes. It was the Westminster Dog Show at Flushing Meadow, the tennis venue in New York, America's most prestigious dog show won by a miniature poodle called Sage. A hugely prestigious Westminster Dog Show show. Harry I know you're a massive massive fan and fair play to Sage I mean that dog looked absolutely

fucking ridiculous and however absolutely ridiculous the other dogs looked Sage has ramped it up a dog notch to look even more absolutely ridiculous and it was just glorious to see this absolute travestitional parody of a dog when it's deserved it's deserved trying to get a wonderful press conference afterwards uh sage um and i'm translating from the original here um uh but uh i believe sage said my owners wanted to me look quite ridiculous but I wanted to look absolutely totally ridiculous and to be fair to me Let me go out there and do I do best look totally like a dog is naturally supposed to look so I mean it was a great triumph This that last little bit that last little bit the way they're naturally supposed to look that's what I'm holding on to this is doggy

racism They breed him pure. I'm surprised more white supremacists aren't into this shit. Oh yes, the Westminster Dog Show of only humans could do this. I'm surprised the German Shepherd didn't win the purity contest. Have you read the article describing the event? Because it is absolutely, it says, Sage, an extravagantly quaffed miniature poodle with a certain winsome mystery about her. That sounds like, that's like dog erotic fiction. Yes!

It kind of sounds like a variety article about when someone's got a hard on for the actress. A certain winsome mystery about her. Won the 148th annual Westminster Kennel Club dog show, prevailing over a tough field of competitors including a majestic German Shepherd, a silken Afghan hound and a proud giant schnauzer. They're all male dogs you can tell. But this is the bit I love. The competition began with 2,500 dogs from more than 200 breeds. Best in show judge Rosalind Kramer remained sequestered during the proceedings so she could emerge fresh for the final round. Oh, heaven for Fend, anyone get tired of looking at dogs. I mean, give me the job, I'll do it. But yeah, Sage is a three-year-old whose full name is GCHGCH

Surry Sage and apparently her grandmother was also a best-in-show as well so nepotism is what we're finding in this competition. A nepo puppy honestly. I mean it's an extraordinary extraordinary event and similar to our own Westminster over here, things made to look like what they are not in reality being controlled by people behind the scenes. I mean it's pretty uncanny really, and also leaves a lot of shit to be cleaned up after them. So yeah, uncanny. Human behavior news now and well what a moment Harry for human beings in New York City and

Dublin Ireland this week after a work of art has really revealed the true nature of humanity which after all is what art is supposed to do. Two portals were installed around large lens-like installations that gave a live 24-hour day video link between New York and Dublin so people could communicate across the Atlantic through this, I mean yeah it's basically a giant zoom call, but let's call it what it is, all the work of art, we've got to go with that. And I mean it yeah, it's basically a giant zoom call, but let's call it what it is. It's all the work of art. We've got to go with that. And I mean, it's incredible that people can communicate so quickly across the Atlantic these days. I mean, when I think back to the start

of the bugle when John Oliver and I, we used to communicate by letters carried by friendly pirates or if we were lucky, a fan dolphin who loved the show. But now just a simple Internet connection, just what, 16 and a half years later, can allow people on both sides of the Atlantic in this case New York City and Dublin or NYC and D to interact live with each other it was a lovely idea a lovely artistic idea and if as I said the purpose of art is to reveal the truth about humanity it worked a treat because the truth about humanity is we are fundamentally one or more of infantile rude and unnecessarily naked and that is what people reacted by flashing their bits at each other by waving pictures of terrorist atrocities

at each other across the Atlantic and by generally debasing humanity so it was if they shouldn't have called, it should have, this work of art should have just have been called Inevitability. It's like the, it's like the creator of the exhibit was not familiar with the concepts of alcohol and assholes. I mean I love the New York Post coverage. Mischief makers on Ireland's side flashing everything from their bare bums to swastikas in a photo of the Twin Towers and flames at 9-11. I love that that quote is from the New York Post because to them, flashing swastikas are mischief.

That is just an example of mischief that is mischief cheeky just a little cheek wow well there was the woman who apparently within hours of it going live a very drunk woman in her 40s not me was led away and arrested after grinding her backside against the screen as Liza Leann, the woman who filmed the video of the incident explained in comments of her Instagram post. Because that's what you do. You see someone being indecent and go, I'll film that. Or in her case, I'll film the thing that's already being filmed. And they said she was there for about 20 minutes, very drunk, slapping and grinding against the portal. There were definitely people trying to have sex

through the porter portal there is no doubt that there was a button a penis on two sides of the Atlantic trying to make something happen. Well I want to know what stage of drunk that is I reckon that's about five Prosecco's deep. Because it's not like- It depends on your tolerance. Yes, yeah. It's not like tipsy glass or two. Grinding against a camera, that's during a public live feed. That's two Prosecco's after you've called your ex boyfriend.

Three after you've taken off your shoes and sicked in your handbag. I think there's a rhyme. It's one Prosecco, two Prosecco, three Prosecco, boar, five Prosecco, six Prosecco, three prosecco, ball, five prosecco, six prosecco, seven prosecco, live feed whore. It's so idealistic in a way. Do you know what I mean?

It's like if someone said, thank God we have the internet which of course provides us with access to all the knowledge of the world written by qualified people and it's so decent I would let my child on the internet at any age what's the what's the worst that could happen he learns more things I guess you have to admire that optimism in the face of the overwhelming weight of historical precedence. That's the innocence of art in many ways. I mean, I guess it shows human nature, it shows different sides of humanity, really. The incredible technological wizardry that has enabled us to surge ahead of the other creatures on this planet and also our basic human desire to harness that incredible technological wizardry to share insults and genitals. That's the two sides of the

human coin. The artists apparently are quotes investigating possible technical solutions to inappropriate behavior by a small minority of people in front of the portal. I don't know how you find a technical solution to fundamental human f***ing nature. I mean is there a technical solution to that? I'm not sure. Imagine if in life we could just blur everything as it was happening. Oh yeah, pixelation. Yeah, yeah. And then obviously beep out words that are annoying or opinions that you disagree with. Just bleep them.

But it is, you know, we've seen this with art through history. I mean, the Cernabbus giant, famous work of art in England, the people in the dim and distant past, albeit the past in some ways is less dim and distant than the present, to be fair to the dim and distant past. But anyway, they saw a hillside, and I think Dorset in England, they thought, that's a nice hillside. Tell you what, let's carve the outline of a man with a gigantic boner into it. That's who we were. When the ancient Greeks worked out that you could soup up a vase with paint, their immediate and indeed subsequently lasting instinct was pornographic crockery. Going back further, 40 odd thousand years ago as humans were first working out what they could do with a sharpened blade and a mammoth tusk, they carved the Venus of Hula-Fels, a lady with a plump-tuous chest and a prominent Volvo. Basically, across the world, as

soon as we humans worked out ways to represent ourselves, whack plonkers and pootlers, it is just who we are. That said, not all live streams are bad and on the 8th of June there will be a live stream bugle. We are live streaming our Leicester Square show in London. There are shows on the 7th and 8th. I think the 8th is sold out and there are a few tickets left for the 7th. But we will be live streaming the 8th of June show details on the Bugle website. Chris, will that be that will be live by the time this show goes out, won't it? I mean if people go to the buglepodcast.com now and don't see it, it's because we've sold out and I don't know how you can sell out a live stream, it means everyone in the world has already bought a ticket. How

much are the tickets? £10. £10, so there you go, to see history not being made but being lampooned as it happened. made but being lampooned as it happened. Britain news now and well the the election fever gripping the world is also coming Britain's way. We don't know exactly when our general election is going to be that will be decided by God. But it's got to be at some point between now and the end of January. And Rishi Sunak, the future former Prime Minister, has made his latest bid for votes ahead of this general election by telling the country that basically we're f***ing doomed. Now this is quite a weird way to go about turning a sceptical public your way, Tiff.

As Prime Minister and leader of the party that has been in power for 14 years to basically say everything's and you have to trust us more than the opposition to to deal with it that's i guess when you have no cards to play what you have to do is pretend that you have a card and and play play that regardless of how i mean basically he's playing the naught of clubs here he's a he's hoping for I don't know he's hoping for a royal flush on the river he's got that last you know he didn't preface it with how he needs to preface all of his statements, speaking as a billionaire, which I feel is necessary. I mean, I don't know, I don't know what they're playing at generally,

or what they think is important in terms of, you know, electability as the party, because Esther McVeigh has been, I mean, it's an unofficial title, but she's been made the common sense minister. So, Harry, if you don't know Esther McVeigh, she's the kind of woman who wears a t-shirt that says feminist, that was made in a sweatshop. That's the kind of person that we're talking about. So Rishi thinks that the most important thing we need to do, and therefore Esther thinks

the most important thing we need to do is fight the culture wars and honestly to that I just say dip a tampon in live yogurt and fire it up there. That will sort out any... Has to be live yogurt not a fruit corner or a munch bunch, nothing with sugar because that will just encourage it. But it's like, I mean, this is perfect. She says, Esther McVeigh said, we have too often seen distraction by fashionable hobby horses, especially when it comes to issues like equality and diversity. She obviously listened to Harrison's speech. I'm not prepared to see

pointless job creation schemes for the politically correct, said Esther McVeigh, the minister for common sense. I mean, I just the fact that this is seen as a political issue is stunning. Like I mean, she was going after like the rainbow flags, a symbol of LGBTQ, the movement and people wearing them. She referred to it as backdoor politicization, which regardless how you feel about her, the fact that she referred to getting rid of rainbow flags because they are backdoor politicization, politicization is unintentionally hilarious. She certainly did not catch that. She certainly did not catch that. And also, I'm trying to understand how wearing that flag is political. And I imagined a conversation she could imagine happening. What does that

rainbow flag mean? Oh, it's a symbol to support gay rights. Gay? What does that mean? Well, it could mean two men loving each other and perhaps having sex anally or orally or a variety of other things. Hmm, I never thought about that as a possibility. I gotta give it a try. Is that what she's assuming the rainbow flags are doing? I think so, yeah. But when it comes to lanyards, as Martin Luther King himself famously said, But when it comes to lanyards, as Martin Luther King himself famously said, judge a man not by the colour of his skin nor by the content of his character, but by the inclusiveness of his lanyard. And don't even get me started on how you judge a woman

if you're not even allowed to use the word woman anymore or the word judge. Is that allowed these days? I doubt it somehow. So wise words for us all. I think actual rainbows are going to be banned as well. Well, they're going to be banned. Stood at the end of the motorway saying, no to this, it's not British. Yes, that's fair. I could get if you're against diversity, you don't want the colours to be seen together. I get it. Sunak in his relaunch speech, I'm not sure, he's had a lot of relaunches for someone who's only been in power for about a year and a half but he won the british uh... he won the public the britain faces

some of its most dangerous years in living memory and who better to preside over them than a government that has brought us amongst other things are least functioning society our most wildly incompetent cabinet on almost shit-filled rivers personally i believe for the government that cannot defend against the threat of a sad turd floating down the Thames is probably not the most obvious candidate to take on the military and cyber textual might of whatever Chino-Russianic, Iranio-baddy threat we're being told we will face

over coming years. He pledged to restore people's confidence and pride in our country and that does look like a rare political pledge that might be kept. Step one towards that goal is the Conservative Party being vigorously hoofed out of office so someone else can start trying to power how power hose the Augean stables full of shit that they've concocted. I mean I think you knew where that sentence was going. I think I made the point, albeit stumblingly. Anyway, he also said our country stands at a crossroads. Yes Rishi, we are standing at a crossroads and the reason we're standing at a crossroads. Yes Rishi, we are standing at a crossroads

and the reason we're standing at a crossroads is because your lot sold our country's car to some dodgy foreign billionaire. There are no buses because you've run public transport into the ground, the nearest station is f***ing miles away and the trains aren't running anyway and we can't move from the crossroads because there are potholes in every direction as far as the eye can see and an immovable traffic jam. So yes, we are standing at a crossroads. far as the eye can see, and an immovable traffic jam. So yes, we are standing at a crossroads. Well, that brings us to the end of this week's Bugle. Thank you very much. Thanks to everyone around the world who contributed to the new stories that made this Bugle possible. Don't forget to book your tickets for the Bugle livestream live from the Leicester Square Theatre on the 8th of June, where the guests will be Nish Kumar and via the magic of the internet,

which will need to work if you're to tune into the livestream, Alice Fraser. Also, keep an ear out over the next few weeks for details of my forthcoming tour beginning in November. I should be able to announce the dates in about two weeks I think right Harry anything to plug? I do it I'm starting my tour on May 23rd in Jersey City New Jersey at White Eagle Hall you mean New York hurry? No I'm decided to do Jersey City and then May 25th I'm at AF on May 25th I'm on May 25th, I'm at AFK, on May 25th I'm on, on May 25th I'm on Off Cabo Comedy in Beverly, Massachusetts. You mean Boston hurry?

No, I chose to do Beverly this time. And then the Empire Comedy Club on May 26th, Portland, Maine. You mean Portland, Oregon? No, Portland, Maine. You mean Portland, Oregon? No, Portland, Maine. June 7th, Albuquerque, New Mexico at Lobo Theater. June 8th in Bugle Stronghold El Paso, Texas, Lowbrow Palace. June 20th, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, Bottle Rocket Social Hall. June 21st and 22nd, the Commonwealth Sanctuary in Dayton, Kentucky, which is right near Cincinnati. And finally, Cleveland, Ohio, June 23rd, with the very American sounding comedy club name, Hilarities.

Tiff? Yes, I'm going to be at the Edinburgh Fringe all of August at the Monkey Barrel midday. I'm not doing a huge amount of promotion for it, well paid for it, I'll be promoting it myself. I have this radical idea of trying to make money this year at the Fringe. So yes, I know, I know crazy. So midday at Monkey Barrel is called husband material. So come see that. I'm also at the Electric Theatre in Guildford on the 29th of June to do a Greatest Hits show and 10th of June will be Old Rope. And we've got an amazing line up at that show.

So if you're interested in coming and seeing people work out new jokes, come check that out at the Comedy Store. Am I doing that one? I think I'm doing that one. I think there might be a cheeky a cheeky American popping on that one As well. Oh, he's over to maybe do cheeky bugle things. Yes, that would be NATO green. Yes Yeah, NATO done. Yeah, yeah a great an absolutely great lineup for that one. So yeah do get involved A couple of other things to plug I've got work in progress shows at the Cheshire fringe on the 26 26th of May at the wonderful Streatham Space Venue on the 29th of March.

I'm doing a one-off satirist for hire at Trinity and Tunbridge Wells on the 1st of June. And there'll be other work in progress shows as I make my stumbling return to stand up in advance of that tour that you're all going to buy tickets for. Anyway, thank you very much for listening. If you want to join the Bugle Voluntary Subscription Scheme and help keep this show free, flourishing and independent, and get access to the exclusive subscriber-only monthly Ask Andy show, go to the buglepodcast.com and click the donate button. We'll be back next week with Josie Long and Tom Ballard until then goodbye. Bye. new series of my podcast Richie Firth Travel Hacker out now. It's the show where Richie Firth and I talk about how to make travel better in our very special way. In this series we discuss line bikes, Teslas, the London overground and a whole bunch of other random stuff that possibly involves wheels or tracks or engines of some variety.

God what a hot sell this is, I mean you must be so excited. Listen now.