The Bugle - Hugo 'crackers from Caracas' Chavez

Episode Date: March 30, 2008

The 22nd ever Bugle podcast, from 2008. Written and presented by Andy Zaltzman and John OliverThis is a classic episode from The Bugle, to support us, and to keep the Bugle alive and free of ads, please visit http://thebuglepodcast.com/ Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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The Bugle, audio newspaper for a visual world. Hello, Bugueglers! Welcome to issue number 22 of the Buegl. That means there are now enough Buegls for you to pick two football teams out of them. We suggest having Buegl number 6 playing in central midfield. The rest should hopefully just fall into place. This is for the week beginning Monday the 31st of March 2008 with me and his ultimate in London and Mr. John Oliver also in London It's the first Bugle in London Andy the first London based Bugle of all time of all time great to be back in London

I've already picked someone's pocket today and have been taken in by a kindly old man What a London experience I'm having I'll do some h and have been taken in by a kindly old man. What a London experience I'm having. I'll do some hooliganising later, then it'll be time for tea. With the Queen. And the... Well, how does it feel to have a monarch again? Well, it feels great. I feel complete. There was a Liz shaped hole in my life and she's filled it. Yeah. I think those who say anything different about Britain since you were left here. It feels slightly shitter. It's a bit angrier, it's angrier.

It's angrier, there seems to be a lot of teen stabbings. Yep, one other thing, we've had our hair done. Oh, that's a lot more. Sorry, I thought you'd notice. No, I didn't. Yeah, sure. Looks great, looks great. As always, some sections of the bugle go straight in the bin.

This week, a special work life balance section. We offer you tips on how to decide whether your family is worth it, how to convince yourself that there is no way you'd rather be than in a windowless office, and how to do a PowerPoint presentation whilst playing online cribbage and bathing your neglected dog. Also a three-stage guide to how to get out of the rat race, step one, resigned from your job, step two, have a cup of tea and play yourself at chess, and step three, go on a massive crime spree. Then hand yourself into the police, guaranteeing yourself a nice, long, relaxing stretch

away from the pressures of work and family, getting to know new people, and learning new skills, and a stimulating competitive environment. Jail is the ultimate mental pick-me-up. Top story this week, Tibet. Well we've been off for the last two weeks giving Tibet ample time to resolve all its problems with China and I'm sorry to report that it hasn't seized that opportunity with both hands. In fact, it hasn't even seized it with one hand.

It just looked at that opportunity shrugged inside. Journalists have been let back into Tibet for the first time since protest erupted two weeks ago. The press tour however was disrupted by 30 Tibetan monks who chanted pro-Tibetan slogans and defended the Dalai Lama. This whole story Andy is going to have to make us reconsider monks and what they are capable of. I thought I couldn't be surprised by them anymore when the film Bulletproof Monk came out in 2003 and I learnt that there is no mortal Kung Fu master monk traveling the globe protecting an ancient scroll But they've surprised me again and I tell you what this makes you think that we have a very low grade of monk in England

Andy all ours do is shuffle around without saying anything all day and Maybe do some occasional gardening no throat singing no slamming their heads through breeze blocks How do they expect to get closer to God if they can't slam their heads through Breeze blocks? I'm afraid I don't watch violent monk films, John, so you've completely lost me. Well really the point without films, it wasn't actually violent. He was bullet proof. He didn't just fire bullets because he's a Buddhist. The toilet also cues the Dalai Lama of being behind the violent demonstration. Toots the Dalai Lama presumably got out his CV, which has quite an impressive track record

of not encouraging violence. In fact, arguably he's taken it too far, and it seems like a lot of the younger generation of the better, getting bored of his hackneyed old message of peace and of taking up smashing things up instead. Well, it's difficult for the Chinese, though, and because what they're doing is they're going up against the 14th incarnation of a god, And that's a worthy foe. But the point is Andy, where were our monks joining the Iraq war protest? To better monks, they're the front line of protest. Where were our, they should have been scaling big Ben like a group of robed warriors and then slammed their heads through some breeze blocks.

Well, if you are a monk listening to the bugle, then do email us in and tell us why you weren't slamming your head through breeze blocks at such a crucial moment of British history. Yeah or at the very least send us in a breeze block in two pieces with a head shaped print in the centre of it. Well around a hundred people have thought of died during the writing and the unprotest has said to have spread across the country and there were also protests at the official lighting of the Olympic torch and protestors anticipated to continue as it is carried around the world.

Although I don't know, anywhere this idea of the Olympics being the apex of everything that is good in the world came from. Historically, it has been a parade of doped up athletes with bulging eyes running around a track faster than is natural, a seven-year-old Russian gymnast has threatened with beatings if they fall off a pummel horse. Let's remember, the Olympics were never syn threatened with beatings if they fall off a pummel horse. Let's remember, the Olympics were never synonymous with human rights. They began as essentially a new wrestling competition

from which women were banned as spectators upon pain of death. Was that so wrong? I'm not with, would the Olympics be worse if that was brought back in? I'm not making a judgement call on it. I'm just saying, if you're going to claim it about human rights, that's a false claim.

Ask the ladies. You can't, they're not there. I mean, some argue that the Olympics should be left alone as they will allow people to see China, maybe in a different way or even for the first time, and will increase the pressure on China to improve their human rights record. And of course, the Olympics taking place at all

can do a lot of good for human rights. Just look at Berlin in 1936. Germany really cleaned up its act after those games. Just imagine how bad it would have been if they hadn't had those games, John. I actually kept a lid on things for a few years. Tell along the said that the past relationship between Tibet and China has been quote, difficult in the same way that the relationship between a golf ball and a driver is difficult. Not difficult for the driver, pretty tricky for the golf ball.

But a further complication is that if the West wants to put too much pressure on China, China will just turn around and say, don't you want to wear t-shirts anymore, fair enough, but you will get cold. As always, though, Bugle favourite and President of Venezuela Hugo Chavez has been the most entertaining man on this as with all international matters. Any guest, John, who he is pinning the blame for these rights on. I'll give you a choice. I'll give you a choice. Okay. Okay. Yeah. A, the Chinese government. I doesn't feel right to me. B, Tibetan separatists. Not sure what would be interesting in that. C, just the cruel hand of fate. Okay. Or D. America.

Oh, let me see. I'm gonna go with D, Andy. Oh, you're right. Yes! This is America. Shave has said that America and Imperialists want to divide China. They're trying to sabotage the Olympics in Beijing, and behind that is the hand of Imperialism.

We asked the world to support China to neutralize this plan. I'll go and record again, I love this man. [♪ INTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ Other bit of news now, and the French President's wife has visited Britain and she is hot. That is the news this week. We don't yet know whether the French President also came or what he was here for. But his wife was here and she's pretty. She is very pretty. Hot off the press. Both the story and his wife. I can't even remember his name. I can't remember her either, but she's hot. Britain has

been in a real tiz this week. Over the state visit of President Sarkozy France, the first state visit by French president for 12 years. And he's been attempting to seduce the House of Commons with his smooth mentions of gratitude for the Second World War and less serious invitations to bond deeper with the EU, all with his comter Brussels eyes. He said that instead of the Anton Cordial, we should now have an Anton Amical, and Prime Minister Gordon Brownson, he thought it should in fact be an Anton for me, Dabler. So we can't even agree on how to describe this new good relationship. It's never gonna work, Andy. Let's just go back to firing arrows at each other. We were good at that.

Well, in fact, I'm in the whole relationship between Britain and France has been a bit sticky. Ever since that old Battle of Hastings King Harold Hay, what's he got to catch this one in my teeth? Squelch, Ow, that hurt. Boops. I can only see in two dimensions now. The out, yep, with hindsight, that was a bit cocky. Well, I was playing to the embroiderers. Still no complaints, the Normans have been the better team on the day, and Williams' atop class conqueror, there's no shame in losing what's been a terrific battle

for the neutral's incident. First ever post battle interview. When asked if this newfound closeness between Britain and France would last, Sarkozy stated, this is more than a one night stand, we will go into the next day for breakfast. Stop it, you gallic lephario! Not everything has to be about sex!

This is international relations colliguelo, not the last days of Rome! And more importantly, this is Britain! This is Britain! Keep it in your trousers! It's amazing though, the incredibly juvenile reaction of Britain as a nation in particular, the British press to this visit. We basically completely ignore politics until a hot woman becomes involved and then all of a sudden it's front page news.

As you say, first visit by a French president for 12 years. But also, more importantly, it's the first time that a head of state has come to Britain bringing a wife who's banged Mick Jagger. As far as we know. Is that true? Well, Risa Gorbachev once heard humming the June to Gimme Shelter whilst talking about boys with Mrs Thatcher, but that could have been co-incidence, we don't know. Sarkozy did say that he's been deeply moved by the positive reception of his wife by the British press saying, I'm proud that people have seen her for what she is, and that there

is a sense of justice. And this is the same British press who had days before printed nude photos of his wife. Of course they love her. They love anyone who they have nude photos on. If Ava Brown had done a centrefold spread, I'd be speaking to you in German now. Sarkozy has received a great deal of criticism in France for, amongst other things, his love of Rolex watches, and the fact that upon being being elected he chose to marry a supermodel and start jetting around the world. He seems to have mistaken being president with being a racing driver. The Daily Mail wrote off Carla Bruney that not since Amber Lynn has a woman curtied so

deeply, so demurely, also calculatedly before a British monarch. Well that has maybe, but let's remember what happened after Ambulin Kurtzund. She was beheaded. Mr Sarkozy, interesting, is only one metre 65 long when lying on the floor without a shoes on. He's a big lure and order fan and likes nothing more than trying to Americanize the French economy whilst getting married for the third time. He's promised France we'll never forget what Britain did for it in the World Wars. And the feeling is extremely mutual. Britain won't forget it either. In fact, if anything, we're likely to cope on about it for just a little too long. And so I'll cause you also to say that Britain is a political and human ideal. A comment so outlandishly

complimentary is to make Britain's youth take a moment's break from vomiting all over itself to look at him in surprise and reply. Now mate, you are only wrong train. The wrong train, comprenday. Indo-d you'd animals news. And President George W. Bush has continued branching out his commitment to devaluing human life into devaluing the lives of animals as well. And having already made great strides in this area by refusing to sign the Kyoto Treaty and treating global warming like it was a chronicle of Narnia, now we find out that his administration has made it increasingly difficult over the last seven years to protect any endangered animals, by erecting numerous bureaucratic obstacles to effectively limit the number of species possible to be protected under the Endangered Species Act.

A bald eagle was heard squawking what does an animal have to do to be protected under the Endangered Species Act. A bald eagle was heard squawking, what does an animal have to do to be endangered around here, shortly before having his natural habitat obliterated and still failing to make the list? Why is this happening, John? I've come up with a couple of possible explanations for what Bush is doing this. One is that he's a really devoted Christian. We all know that. We've seen that in his foreign policy as well as his domestic policies. And I think he's just helping his old friend God out by killing off some of God's less successful species. Because I mean, people don't like the Criticized God, but he's clearly not on quite a good enough job on these animals, and therefore they're becoming extinct.

Now I know God is in a position of supreme power, but no one is about taking a bit of help and advice, particularly not from the leader of the free world. So I think that's one possible explanation he's trying to help God. Well also maybe maybe he's trying to trim animals down to two examples of each kind and he's going to become a kind of modern day knower. He already basically helped flood new Orleans. So maybe he's looking for this to be the big one, two of each animal and just bush and his twin daughters sailing around the world. The other posthumnation is that he hates animals. He hates all animals and this goes back to a famous incident in George Bush's childhood when he was given the school panda to look after over the summer. He took it home and shot it, point blank in the head whilst the panda

was offering him some bamboo. Of course, he claimed that he was more endangered than the panda because there was only one of him, but there were hundreds of pandas, and that the bamboo could easily have been weaponized or concealed a nuclear program. In over seven years of presidency Bush has placed just 59 species on the endangered list a number that even his dad managed every 12 months and in a major shift in policy, senior interior officials revised a long-standing idea that rated the threat to various species based primarily on our populations within US borders. They then argued that species such as the Wolverine and the Jaguar do not need protection

because they also exist in Canada and Mexico. And that's not really how a country's eco-balance works. That also means that save the children's fun charity is pointless. They're a children who are perfectly unpersiguted in some country, so it's fine. Human rights watches are completely wasting their time, and that indeed is bushes justification for Glantanimo Bay. As long as there are humans with rights somewhere in the world, he's in the clear. He throw terminal 5 news now, and the spanking new terminal 5 at Heathrow Airport has opened

amid scenes of chaos and anger. As flights were cancelled, baggage was marooned, and customers were treated with a corporate contempt that has become synonymous with Britain's biggest shit-est transport hub. This John was a good, old-fashioned British shambles. No one does it better. When you pay 4.3 billion pounds for something that the rest of the world will watch opening with interest, we in Britain expect no demand a certain level of cack-headed logistical incompetence to prove that as a nation we've still got it.

Holidays makers were thrilled to bits with a new terminal, Jeff Spagg, who is on his way to Spain, said, I've just had my flight cancelled and I'm now having to wait three hours to get my bags back. Frankly, this is exactly what I came for, to be part of British in-etitude history. I thought they'd screw something up on the big day, but I didn't rather it would be this good. He throw his nail down its historic place as Britain's greatest day-to-day embarrassment. Now to round off an unforgettable day, I'm off to get royally fleeced for the train back to London. I'm proud to be British. And Mike Hors, who was left frustrated with his wife Bridget Hors and young daughters Alfonso

and Marmite, as their dreams of the holiday of a lifetime went up in severely delayed metaphorical smoke, was equally impressed. We played top dollar to be right in the eye of this storm of incompetency shouted above the board catterwalling of his children and the desperate shrieking of his wife, and they haven't let us down on the big day. It's been totally ruined, we couldn't have asked for any more. Roll on the 2012 Olympics, I say, they could be sensational. I want to see a top level athlete accidentally throwing a javelin into a primary school. £4.3 billion, this new terminal cost. It also cost untold environmental destruction, but passengers could not travel with their luggage. No luggage. And I think that what he thought was really trying to do, Andy, was, pose the question, do we really need luggage? And the answer it turned out is yes,

but at least we've had that dialogue now. That's right, I think we're too obsessed with possessions in this day and age. There are some amazing complaints that ranged from my flight has been cancelled, is it a classic? To, I don't have my luggage, including one man who was forced to fly without his penicillin,

which is a lovely touch by B.A. All the way to a glass walkway in terminal 5, which people were using to look up women's skirts. They've clearly built it for a purpose. Why else would you build a glass walkway in an airport? What's the architect Benny Hill? I just cannot believe, Andy, that we in Britain have not evolved as the point of God's day throwing a pumpkin or go that glass walkway. Oh, let's start looking up skirts. that we in Britain have not evolved was the point of God's death throw airporking

or go that glass walkway oh let's start looking up skirts we're a nation of six year olds it's pathetic I actually have the honor of flying out from Heathrow Airport last year John, as I'm sure you've done many times and frankly it was like flying in the 14th century

a dose of the plague would have been a merciful relation queuing for three hours in a crowded tent, being shouted at by doggie, piercingly, highly strong staff, and being made to feel like a naughty pig on the way into a thoroughly merited abattoir. If they're going to treat their so-called customers with that level of disdain, they should at least have the decency to provide us all with cyanide capsules, so at least have the option of ending the check-in process with dignity. They're probably charred you for that sign, I'll capsule Andy. Bugal Unsung Heroes section. And this is a new section where we plan to venerate some unvenerated heroes around the world who have not perhaps received the press attention they deserve.

And we're going to give them a fraction of that press attention. And this week, a candidate for Senator in Idaho in the United States has legally changed his name to pro-life and will appear that way on the ballot this year, Idaho State officials have just revealed. Marvin pro-life Richardson, an organic strawberry farmer, was denied his middle name on the ballot when he ran for governor in 2006 because Idaho laws ban the use of sloganering on ballots. So he simply changed pro-life to his full and only name. I don't know if that's first name pro surname life or whether it's just one name like Madonna, Prince or Jesus.

I don't know. He's like a Brazilian football, isn't he? I'd like to see more politicians going this way. Unfortunately pro-life does sound like an insurance firm that probably sponsors a senior's tall golf event. So I wouldn't vote for him on those grounds alone. But the ex-Martin pro-life Richardson, that's right, pro-life really was his middle name. No, he wasn't born like that John.

No. He wasn't given that name by his parents, I thought I have a calling in life. Well, this is his second name change. ProLive advocates murder charges for doctors who perform abortions and women who receive them. He is the new definition of a one-issue candidate. He just took it to the next level, Andy, and I would love to be at a dinner party that he was involved in. John, I'd love you to meet ProLive. ProLive, this is John. Oh, hello there, ProLive. Pleasure to meet you. And what is it that you do let me

guess tirelessly an inexplicably fighter women's right to choose oh hooray I was right can you pass the broccoli please do you think a little catch on though politicians changing their names I'm I think would Gordon Brown have more of a chance of winning the next British general election if he changes name to don't underestimate the importance of fiscal probability let's get a message across clearly through the use of names. Gordon Brown doesn't tell me anything. True. I think Hillary Clinton has changed your name to... I'll f*** you. At least you have the courage of our convictions then. Or at least maybe to get people more in St.

politics again, more politicians could have wrestling style middle names. Oh that's good. Like David, the bandwagon jumper camera and Hugo crackers from Caracas Chavez or baby slicing king Solomon So do you have any heroes you'd like to nominate for the unsung hero section the more unmillodiously sung the better email them into the google at timesonline.co.uk or any politicians wrestling middle names that you think should be forced upon them UK or any politicians wrestling middle names that you think should be forced upon them. 8 pro fulls day news now and this Tuesday is 8 pro fulls day. It's an age old tradition dating back of course to the first April fulls day which was the original Easter Sunday

when Jesus popped out from behind a tree and said, I'm not dead, got you, you should see the looks on your faces. That was an April Fool's Day prank, which has since got way out of hand. Oh, there've been some great April Fool's pranks throughout history. I hope you've got your pranks ready to go. Hiroshima, surely one of the great April Fool's Day pranks,

made even better because it was done on August the 6th. I had no idea it was coming. You should have briefly seen their faces. Briefly and extremely brightly. And of course the moon landing, the world's first combined prank to convince one man to his dying day that he actually walked on the moon. We're all in on it. But there have been some great pranks that did actually happen on April 1st. In 1944 America accidentally bombed the Swiss city of Schiafhausen. It just goes to show that you have to put a lid on these pranks.

They can just get out of hand. 1989 Margaret Thatcher introduced the Poltex to Scotland and they had a bit of a sense of humour failure over that. And haven't really likened up since. Della, Della Scots. But pranks, John, to me, I think should be banned, because they're essentially just terrorism with a mild sense of humour. And I think they should be banned, because they like drugs. You start on the easy stuff, like pulling chairs from under people's bots, then you fall in with the wrong crowd,

and so you want to harder pranks, like dismantling someone's house, and rebuilding it 50 yards away in the middle of a main road. And within a few years, you've been radicalised and you're hilariously shooting dead the arch, Duke of Austria, Hungary, and starting starting war which cost millions of lives and changes of the face of civilisation forever. That is the fine line between prank and act of mass terrorism. But you say this Andy, but you are, believe of the owner of one of the greatest, the self-styled, it says on the box, the greatest joke in

the world. Yes, I am. The exploding golf ball. Now, have you not even used that yet? No, I've not used it because, you know, where would my life go as a professional comedian after I had witnessed the greatest joke in the world of a golf ball exploding on impact? You must be very careful if you are performing an April fool's prank this year because some of them do back far in 1924 Hitler who have sentenced to five years in jail on the first of April for his role in the Beaheul Putsch. And that made him angry. It made him very angry. So I just make sure it's clear that it's a joke. Your emails now, and thank you for continuing to cascade us with emails. This one came from Miranda A. A devoted

bugler from Boston, Massachusetts. Dear John and Andy, as I listened to your discussion about disgraced ex-governor Elliot Spitzer, I was struck by a startling thought. Brace yourself, John. If it is true that as you asserted, people always desire that which they rail against the hardest. What are we to make of John's constant winging about the phenomenal audio cryptic artwork? Oh no, this logic does not work. I like where this is going. No. To paraphrase one of England's more well-known wordsmiths, me thinks the gentleman doth protest too much. From this Miranda Heights, I can only assume that in his heart of hearts, John longs for nothing more than to sit down with a nice cap of tea and ravage the crossword to within an inch of its life.

I have no idea why he feels the need to hide this as desire behind an impenetrable wall of complaints, but I can only hope he sees it like soon. Until then I'm counting the days until Mr Oliver is discovered in an airport men's room clutching a pen in an inappropriate manner as he scribbles down the answers screaming. I just need the last clue, just one more as he dragged away by Jaded security officers There are no crosswords skeletons in my closet. You're welcome to look We have an email here from Chris Mealy who says what is the bugle theme song? It's positively cheering and always makes me smile sincerely Chris in Seattle USA

And did you know what the bugle theme park is is it baby got back by Lord formerly sir mix a lot nice nice save actually he's now barren mix a lot no it's not that you want to try another willfully incorrect get okay oh I will do that John is it can't get no grinding by muddy waters now it is a tide of empire by artist unknown right that's what it is is a tide of empire by artist unknown. Right, that's what it is and the tide of empire. So it's not against that tide. So no, yeah no wonder Chris in Seattle United States you find it so cheering and uplifting. It's the British empire calling you back. You shouldn't find it cheering, you should find it intimidating

and rousing. That's what you people went wrong. And yeah, I did say you people. It's because I'm in London now Don't worry. I'll change my tongue next week That's right. That is very much a tie that you want to pick your towel up and run away from Rather than one that you want to see coming in and think I'll just get this afford the nominations for March on to the month plow onwards this nomination comes from Anne Anderson, who offers two suggestions, the first being Richard III. He is best known as the Hunchbacked Lurching Villain in Shakespeare's play, right Anne. Richard has long been suspect number one in the presumed murder of his

two young nephews, who would have been the true heir to the throne, had Richard not already stripping with the right of succession. While the murder of the two boys aged 10 and 13 for political gain certainly seems an exceptionally vile crime to modernize, it must be pointed out in Richard's defence that the two little swords would have passed away from old age by now anyway. Tragedically, she writes, Richard's relative hotness cannot be adequately judged by his surviving portraits since they were retouched in the range of the tutors to make Richard look shiftier and presumably

somewhat lumpy. Nevertheless, I predict a strong vote to turn out for Richard, especially in the niche demographic of female voters aged 18 to 34, who write steamy love letters to jailed psychopathics looking for hot prison action, and you all thought Joanna was mad. I can already hear the sultry pair of hundreds of deranged libidos. Ooh, a child murderer who looks gorgeous in black velvet. Yes.

But I know I can change him. Ha ha ha ha! A hotty, a hotty, my kingdom for a hotty indeed. Oh, that's very good. And it would be the best were it not for Darren Strayker from Toulouse in France. He says, you're missing a classic, the generously proportioned blonde, bounced blue-eyed Jack Bootinamad, Doye N of the British Union of Fascists, Hermotto, no shirts to Brown for us, and Rarar girl for the Nazis, the one, the only, unity Valkyrie Mittford, a woman so bonkers, she claimed she was born in Swastika, Ontario, an old goldmining town, somewhere in the vast wastelands of Canada, when her butt is if it gets said London.

This was a woman the British SIS, called More Nazi than the Nazis, which all things considered is quite an achievement. She's a contender, lad, every barking mad Nazi bonking bit of her. That's a big nominative. It's a strong outfit. That's a big nominative.

That's a hell of a form. Very strong. The The The The The The Sport now. And World punching people in the face champion Floyd. No Weather has just competed in WrestleMania 24. We don't know what happened in that because we were recording before.

That's truly Momentous events. And we also WANT to watch it even when it has happened. So in fact we'll never know. The Timing is not important. I just think Wrestlemania is a debilitating illness that people are too embarrassed to talk about.

And the sooner they find a cure for it, the better. I don't like you trivializing it. This is a major cross-code match-up, Andy Boxing and wrestling, ripping the dignity out of both, although one has little to lose. One. Good, sad point. I mean, this surely is gonna trigger a lot of cross cross-boughting matchups over the next few months. I'd like to see Roy Jones Jr. take on Colin Montgomery.

Roy is quick around the ring, yes, but is he quick enough to stop Colin Montgomery smashing golf balls at him? I'd also like to see the Kentucky Derby and Skete shooting coming together together horses loaded into catapults and fired across a country-told sky. First of the finish without being shot is the winner. And the Chicago Bulls basketball team will be taking on actual balls at the running of the balls in Pamplona. This is the one we all want to see, particularly from the British interest, will the young British basketball player, Lew Olen, be quite so good when he's been gored by a rampaging Spanish bull. That would be a real test to the boy. He's done very well so far. I'd like to see the combination of NASCAR and FIGGERSCATING. Yes, those cars are quick,

but can they land a double-axle under pressure and handles water music plays? I don't know, but it'll be fun to find out. An American football star Antoine Randall L. He is rumoured to be in talks to be used as a racing car in this year's Le Mans 24 hour race. Apparently he's going to be driven by a team led by Audi's Emmanuel Epirot. Despite concerns over Randall L's ability to last 24 hours at speed of over 200 kmH. And the England cricket team fresh from their brutal triumphant slaughtering of the unofficial world champions New Zealand. After take on the American former Icedonch champion, Michel Kwon, in a bare-knuckle fight

to the death. Bugal listeners, thank you for waiting through the irrelevance preliminary 28 to 35 minutes of the podcast. Now we get to the meaty stuff. It's the audio cryptic crosswords and it's 21 across this week. It's 9 letters long John, it's splitting to two words of six. Two words, let me write this down. I'm definitely involved in this. And this is really, if Oaks, does a domestic scene, and it's this John, eating an alien for supper. Oh, what?

We'd better use the china we were given for our wedding, but I've never used. Okay. Is it Apple? It's not John. All right. Well, I'm out then. And finally, the bugle forecast, and this week it's an April Fools forecast. We are forecasting the number of husbands who try to explain getting caught in bed

with another woman by calling April Fools out there wives. John, how many things are going to be? Ah, 16.9 million. Million, that's about average for a full Fools day. Best day of the year to have enough fair. I'm going to go with around 8.9 million. I think it's going to be quite a year. Okay.

What was the recession? It's the ultimate extravagance. So that's it from the one and only all London bugle. John, has it been a different experience for you? It has been a different experience. Has it been a good experience? It's been an okay one. Okay, do you think doing the bugle surrounded by thousands

of years of... That's the problem, it's too much history too much history, I find it crushing yeah I find it, my chest tightens it just feels like there's too much behind us to even go forward that's what I like about America, the new world it's basically f***ing cool to think about

well have a nice flight back John thanks Andy, I'm flying out of Heathrow so I'll see you in London next week we will be recording next week's podcast from a secure cell at Heathrow where John will be punching the walls in frustration. Bye! Cheerio! Thank you.