The Bugle - Instead of recession news, let's talk chimps

Episode Date: March 16, 2009

The 67th ever Bugle podcast, from 2009. Written and presented by Andy Zaltzman and John OliverThis is a classic episode from The Bugle, to support us, and to keep the Bugle alive and free of ads, please visit http://thebuglepodcast.com/ Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Dancelaguard fans, you will be thrilled to know a book is coming out if you fund it via Unbound. We are publishing the Dancelaguard Reader by Alice Fraser and Dancelaguard, a glorious insight into the world of Dancelaguard, self-published romance maven, and online bestseller. If you would like to find out how to support it, go to thebugelpodcast.com. If we get enough support, we will publish the book. That's a real thing that's going to happen. Thebugelpodcast.com to support the Danciler Guard Reader. The Bugle, audio newspaper for a visual world. Hello, Abuglers and welcome to Bugle 1 Million and 11. Sorry, that's for our binary fans.

It's Bugle 43 if you're in a hexadecimal system. All for the rest of us. Bugle 67. For the week beginning, Monday, the 16th of March. Sure, as you Americans would say, March 16th of March, sure as you Americans would say, March the 16th, 2009, with me and his Ottoman here in the beautiful city of London and in New York City, it's John Oliver! Hello, Bughlers! Hello, Andy, over-complicated start there, Andy. All right, mate. But I'm looking for a new apartment to rent.

All right, Andy. Yeah. And I went down to see a pretty amazing one on Wall Street last weekend. Right. On Wall Street. Because perhaps on the spiritual home, isn't it? Well, I mean, there are some pretty great deals down there at the moment, due to the fact that no one really works there anymore. Really? Do you get the odd one with, you know, something still hanging from the roof, they shouldn't either? This is each one positive side of the global meltdown.

What I looked at, had a balcony, and either side of the balcony were two concrete lions. I'd love to live somewhere with access to concrete lions Andy. They make life seem a bit more grand. Just imagine drinking a cup of coffee in the morning between two concrete lions. It's bound to taste better. So are you going to go for that, Phil Adjone? I don't know, I'd rather. Because you would have to buy a toga if you do go for the concrete lions. What, buy or just dust my old one up. Yeah, and that's been a while. I don't know if I've fit into it now. It's my 16th of March, which means it is 97 years

to the minute since Captain Oats left Captain Scots and Toc Dick Tent saying, I'm just going outside and maybe some time. Tick tock, tick tock, we're still waiting out, C. I think you've made your point. I admire how he sticks to his word, and this really has taken it too far. So please, if you are listening to this podcast, do call home, I'm afraid your parents have passed away. And on this day, of course, John the 16th of March, the state of Mississippi officially approved the abolition of slavery.

Now, can you guess what year that happened? I'll give you three choices, John. Was it A, 1865, the other 13th Amendment was ratified by the Hibiting Slavery? Was it B, 1866, the next year, when Mississippi realized it was lagging a bit behind its fellow states? Or was it C, 1995?

130 years after slavery was given the big red light? Please tell me it was the first one. No, it was C, it was C, 1995. No, it was. No, it was. It was. Oh no. I guess Mrs. Isis, if we didn't want to rush into something like that, just taking a long-term view and seeing how the whole abolition of slavery

panned out across the rest of America before signing up. We criticized our politicians for being short-termist, but I think arguably this was taking it too far the other way. Also with us today in the special Bugle Soundproof Safe, it's Jack Bauer from 24. Big friend of Bill Clinton. Hello Jack, how you doing in there? Hey Jack, one bang if you're not angry too,

if you're angry I've been kept in the safe. Oh dear. Well he's always angry isn't he? He looks like someone different playing about. Then we're telling him to be. He's had a few bad days. It's your house. And we'll not be hearing more from Jack a later in the show. As always, some sections of the Bugle Go Straighten Abin this week. A property section. How

to soup up your house, flat cave, bunker or well wherever you live to impress prospective buyers in these economical, strangulated times and that's bending too much wedge. One, by a pair of concrete lions. Two, remember that buyers like to know that their new house will be secure. So I've put up cheap but authentic looking battlements on your roof using cardboard boxes and make one of your family stroll around

like a medieval century carrying a pike whenever you have people around to view your property. Buyers also like to feel at home, in your home. So as soon as they leave their house to go to view your house, break into their house, steal some of their most homely belongings, a painting, a much loved armchair, a pet or even a child, drive back to your house at breakneck speed and install their stuff or children in your house. So there's something completely familiar about it when they look around. Also buy a slight thing they can make swift and cheap improvements to a

house as soon as they move in. So nail a putrefying animal carcass to the living room wall. You can explain that it's just something you picked up on Holodeon Cornwall or Canada. They'll nod to claim that their friends Bridget and Clive have got one too. Then look at each other with an unmistakable look that says, that's going, we're going to put our own carcass up there. Also things not to do when your viewers arrive, make sure you're not standing on the patio, patting down a paving slab with a shovel.

It might be complete innocent, but the perception that a house is an active crime scene can reduce its value by up to 1.5%. Top Story this week, financial news. Hold on Andy, it's just too depressing. Let's wait until later for that. Top Story this week, monkey! That's more like it. That's right, monkey! Intrinsically funny animal. We are starting the bugle this week with monkey news. I think we've all earned a bit of a delay before we talk about the financial black hole that the world is hurtling towards. So let's spend that bonus time talking about monkeys. Everyone loves monkeys, Andy.

Some people even believe that we descended from them. Those people are called scientists, and they're all going to burn in the fires of eternal hell. But there are some indisputable things about monkeys that we can all be absolutely sure of. One, they like bananas and nuts. Two, they like dressing up as old women and holding tea parties. Three, they like riding in cars with a Clint Eastwood and flipping the bird at people. Four, they like raising animated children as one of their own. And five, they were designed in a collaboration between God and Paul Frank. Who? He's a designer, Andy. Oh you've changed. Well, there has been a lot of monkey news, John.

A lot of monkey news. Can I just say as well, Andy? This is now my second favourite section behind the Berry News from the couple of weeks ago. Now scientists claim to have discovered that monkey mothers give into their babies tantrums more easily if other monkeys are looking on disapprovingly. Now personally, John, I can't tell when a monkey is chucking a tantrum and when it's just telling me all about it's day, but apparently if mummy can tell that. And the little macaque babies, they have an ear chiseling cry similar to those of human babies, testifying sisters, and their mummy macaque or macaquettes, as they're known. Get off there, not particularly brightly colored back sides

and feed them more quickly if other monkeys are looking on stropily, clearly thinking, look, if you can't control your child, you shouldn't be allowed to have one. A transpecies facial expression also known as the commuter on a crowded train look. And I can actually back this research up, John, from a human angle, because my wife

would actually never get around to feeding our baby boy if I didn't personally stand there tutting and growling at her. Well, that's good. I suppose this all makes sense though, and you know, they don't, monkeys don't want other monkeys to think worse of them in case they ever develop the capacity to feel shame

and are then embarrassed. Yeah. And just on the off-touch, do you find you have this instinct? Same with tilde or Horace choose to throw a big protest and not being fed. If you are near a group of monkeys, are you more likely to fold? I don't know, I've never actually done anything I've ever been to. I have taken Matilda to the zoo.

What do you think of the monkeys there? What's your big monkey fan? Huge monkey fan. But I don't know really if she's a particular Macac fan or should go more for a, you know, your regular chimp. Now there's an extra detail in this story which is worth mentioning here though Andy. Apparently it is a threat of violence from on-looking monkeys which is the key factor. So it's not embarrassment here, it's not monkeys tuffing in disapproval

at bad parenting. It's flat out monkey violence which is the deterrence. Well this is basically how parenting used to work in the Victoria Day, doesn't it? Feed that child woman, or you will feed all the back of my hand. But a mother and baby monkey are apparently 30 times more likely to cop some aggressive flack from other monkeys if the baby is crying, which essentially means that being a racist macaque monkey is just like being at a funeral or a snooker tournament. And according to the research scientists involve Dr. Semple. Baby monkeys' cries are high pitched,

grating and nasty to listen to, making them A hard to ignore, B ideal Republican vice presidential candidates, and C a bit like a bad Nazi oboe player in a helium balloon. In other monkey news, a male chimp in a zoo in Sweden has apparently been planning rock attacks on visitors. Now, when I first saw this story Andy, I slightly misread it because I thought it said a chimp have been planning rock it attacks on visitors. And to be honest, that sounded amazing. Not that this isn't. I don't doubt that it's a major breakthrough in primate research. It's just, if he'd been planning rocket attacks,

I would already be on my way to Sweden now. Yep, this cheeky little sword goes by the name of Santino. And he has been storing up ammunition to belt at visitors to the zoo. So this means that he has been kind of planning these attacks on, which means that he has either A. Remarkable Ingenuity, B. A Showbiz temperament, turning on the audience who have made him a star, or C. Terrorist Inclinations. Well, that's it. Possibly all three. Well, he stopped pile these weapons, Andy. Yeah. They would like to use his missiles. And of course, if he was really smart, he would realise that

he'd artificially push the price of those stones up by limiting their supply, and he'd have started arms trading with other monkeys. I think that's the next step in evolving, and then it goes to opposable thumbs, arms trading. But it doesn't make you think John, what an ungrateful species the chimpanzees are because we rescue these little hominids from the jungle or whatever it is they claim to come from these days. Our old compartment, the early days of evolution, and we gave them all the perks of zoo life, free board and lodging, job security, a crowd, an often a mate. It makes me feel like a pimp just saying it.

And this is how they repay us. We're hurling stones into our faces. Well, good luck even looting your bad-mannered little tits. See you in six million years and we'll see who's keeping you in an enclosure by then. Put on your fur coat, your floppy hat and the engine grill and start screaming big pimping, spreading the cheese, check it out. Now of course, the liberal lefties mostly. we'll probably claim this, Champant Chimpanzi was merely issuing a heroic defiant gesture of protest. One creature's dignified blast back at its capter, a cry for the freedom of nature over the artificial constraint to being stared at by schoolchildren trying to see how big your will is. But Chimpanzis, who coincidentally

actually have the same life expectancy as Chimp's, and very similar behavioural traits, have that's become one of the very few animals proved capable of planning future events, which you wouldn't believe if you've ever been to a chimp wedding, total chaos from soup to nuts and the less than about the bridesmaids the better. Speakers were good though, bitcrewed but funny. But this is where evolution, John, is going to come back to bite us because if you cast your mind back to another stone throwing incident involving primates, David and Goliath, a carefully planned stone throwing in some 3,000 or so years later, the descendant of the latter are still throwing stones back

at the descendants of the former, and the descendants of the former throwing high-tech exploding stones back at them. I think we've got to keep an eye on these chimps, John, before they evolve. And little Middle East starts bringing up in the monkey enclosures of zoos the world over. A lot of them are already surrounded by big walls. I don't like the way this is going. Maybe peace in the Middle East is available just by watching these monkeys. You've got to make that monkey not want to throw stone at us. So maybe we should not cage it for people's entertainment and viewing pleasure. That's basically what you're saying, Israel is done. To the Gaza Strip, yeah. They've caged people in Gaza for everyone's entertainment pleasure.

Not sure the entertainment pleasure, but it stands up, but they have caged them. That is a fact. The other news now and billionaires. The financial crisis has claimed its latest victim wiping 332 names of Forbes Magazine's rich list of well-billionaires. Just 793 people can now lay claim to a place on that list. And even they have lost an average 23% of their wealth. And this really brings it home, isn't it?

Some of our most vulnerable billionaires have been cruelly snatched from us. You just don't know what you've gotten to Litz-Gona. I never appreciated them while they were here. And it's a chilling lesson for all of us to appreciate it when we inevitably due to hyperinflation become billionaires because once second you have billions, the next thing you know are storm hits and you left with merely hundreds and hundreds of millions.

It really makes you think. Since the World Wildlife Fund's lasted a a census on billionaire population a year ago, 332 billionaires have died out and if this continues, billionaires will have died out completely within three years. And I guess we've already got to do everything we can to help the endangered billionaires. Some obviously lose their money due to natural causes, but others have been poached by major fraud investigations or have their natural habitat ruined by the changing global economic climate. And also billionaire poaching is an increasing problem.

The illegal trade and billionaire peltes that now worth billions of dollars a year. Maybe we need one of those quintessential images, like the polar bear balancing on a small piece of ice that was melting away that affected even President Bush so deeply. Maybe we need to see a banker on a small island of money looking troubled. Maybe a billionaire on his one remaining 300 meter long yacht. That's a haunting image. That's a haunting image Andy. To make the top 20 of the Forbes list this year, you need a net worth of just 14 billion compared with 21 billion only last year. Hang on, wait, I'm just going to cut enough to do.

Yeah. I'm still a little bit short, I think. I am only 14 billion away from qualifying now compared with be 21 billion away from it last year. Technically, doesn't that mean I'm 7 billion rich this year than last year? Yeah, hold on, if my number's number's correct this recession's working out great but Russian billionaires I mean particularly badly affected John 55 of them have disappeared since last year they were down from 87 to 55 and I guess that means really that Russian billionaires are like London buses you wait the entire

communist era for one to come along and then 17 years later 87 of them have turned up at once but then a year later, 55 of them have disappeared. It's uncanny. There are also 55 billionaires in New York, John, that's the billionaire capital of the world, and 28 billionaires in London. That's the second most- Second most billionairey city in the world. Now, what? Only 28 billionaires. It won't be long before London becomes once more a city of jauntily singing pickpockets, Andy. You people are fit to wear a monocle. Alright, little Johnny Wall Street. Come on, great line.

That's me and there's a correlation here, John. New York, London, most billionaires in the world, the two home cities of the Bugle. There's something about this audio newspaper that attracts billionaires like Hyenas to someone else's dead will to beat. There's swarming all over us the billionaires. In fact, it's not my way here today, from the way between the tube station here, I had to swap off three billionaires

with my special shield. I think they will lax me and mitts to help the Indian born steel magnet. Simon Halabi, the big cheese of real estate, in fact he's bigger than big, he's the massive great mega-truckle of property. And big Johnny Couldwell, the self-solden, never-goodness of mobile phones. I think it's hard to tell when they're

swarming around you like that. Coming at you from three six in all you can think about is whether you'll ever see your kids again. It's a bit of a blur. Also on the Forbes list was Mexico's most wanted man, Joaquin Guzman. Now, he's head of one of Mexico's most powerful drug cartels, and he's seven hundred and first on the list. Two quick things here, Andy. One, why are they putting a career criminal on that list? And two, how the hell do they know what he's worth? Is it from his tax returns?

Yeah, yes, he ruthlessly kills people to control his drug cartel. But you can say what you like. He falls onto our van, and he never rounds up his expenses. That's right. He even separates out his bullets between personal use and full business purposes. I tell you Andy, it is good that the credit crunch doesn't seem to be affecting the drug trade yet.

Because I mean that's a huge relief for me. My fallback option for my career was always going to be to become a drug mule. I think I'd thrive. I've got it getting from A to B. Unless A is in attack and B is in defense on the opposition's got the ball. Bullshit. A is in attack and B is in defence on the opposition scot the ball. Bullshit. Finance news now and Tombridge Wells' counselling Kent England has become the first administrative authority in Britain to issue on the spot penalty notices to small social insects able to carry several times their own body weight. Quizzed by the press about the legality and logistics

of his plan to find ants. Councillor leader Regford Bunk commented, these little bastards walk on off-pavements, scuttle around our woodland and shit in my flower bed and they don't contribute a single penny to the public purse. Parasites, we're not officially out to pour boiling water on them anymore, thank you bruttles, so why shouldn't we find them? And they're outdated monarchical feudalistic social structure makes me sick, bloody colonialists he added. I suppose we should be grateful it's taken 67 vehicles for you to do a finance joke, Andy. [♪ INTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪

Feature section now, and science versus God, it's the ultimate matchup, Andy. They've been fighting since the Earth was created, and I've also been fighting about when and how that happened. They've both proved they could take a punch, Galileo didn't stay down, neither did Jesus. It's the street brawl that just won't stop. In is the second biggest question facing the world today. Science or God, one can live, one must die today.

We make that call. Here on the Bugle, we like to address the big questions of life and we always have throughout our previous 66 episodes. The big question such as how can you tell when a turnip is asleep? Who do you ask when you need to know how to do something but don't know what that something is? Shock or elephant? Do or die or both? Probably do then die. That's probably your best call on that one. Although you could go with die then do if you're an obscure folksinger. And also the big question, what's up with worms? Well, which I mean the ancient

German city of worms, home of the famous Concorde out of worms. It was a big city in medieval Europe, John, but what the f**k did that since then? So this week we're taking on the second biggest question in the world, science or god, the biggest question of course is, where can England find a strike bowler before the ashes start in July? It's Fight Night, round one, and Obama dealt God a serious blow at the start of this week, Andy, when he lifted restrictions on federal funding

for research on new stem cell lines. Scientists say the research will lead to medical breakthroughs but many religious groups are opposed to it. They think we should just wait until God provides us with those medical breakthroughs. Bush of course very much took the view that science is basically witchcraft with a clipboard and was not a big fan of the old stem cell research. I'm not sure exactly why, I'm either because he's a huge fan of gods or doesn't and doesn't want us to tinker around with the big man's work or because he loves children even really really really small ones or because he

fears that we all too find ourselves to boggling down the slippery slope towards human cloning and we all know what human cloning means, loads of hitlers all over the place. Maybe it's just because George W. Bush just loves to see people suffering from debilitating and off-fatal illnesses. That's the thing. Obama has stressed that he is definitely a gaits human cloney,

he said, it is dangerous, profoundly wrong, and has no place in our society or any society. And why is that, Barak? Because it'll lead to loads of little hitlers everywhere. Come on though, you've come this far Obama, let's just go the whole way, you're already going to hell, you can at least go down there with your own private clone army. Yep, stem cells, laugh more hate when they're here to stay apparently, so we better learn to live with them. When I was a kid, John, I actually have any stem cells, laugh more hate them out here to stay apparently so we better learn to live with them Well, I was a kid John. I actually have any stem cells or at least I don't know that I did and that's that is basically the same thing And I would say the same thing to these so-called Christians

How can we never heard you bang on about how much you love your stem cells until the scientists piped up? You can't have it both ways. Well Paul suggests that the majority the vast majority of Americans actually support stem cell research But the National Rights and Law Committee and the Vatican have condemned it. Oh, the Vatican have condemned it. Oh, what a surprise. Is that the same Vatican which is against the use of birth control to fight AIDS in Africa? That Vatican, it doesn't sound like something they'd say. A Palmer has promised to listen to scientists even when they're saying something inconvenience

or boring or socially awkward having spent an entire life I'm looking at insects and tubes or trying to make water explode and and Obama's said that we should let scientists do their jobs free from manipulation or coercion and listening to what they tell us ensuring that scientific data is never distorted or concealed to serve a political agenda and that we make scientific decisions based on facts not ideology and you've got to ask John, a farmer's made a big career out of politics. And what is the point of future politicians getting into politics

if they can't manipulate and coerce people, ignore those far better informant themselves and distort and conceal facts to serve an agenda? What are you left with then? Pen pushing and number crunching. He's forgotten what got him into the game. Who's going to want to do that? So is science, in this case, like Morgan Freeman in the film Bruce Almighty playing God? And if so, is it any of God's business?

After all, if God hadn't wanted us to research themselves, he wouldn't have given us laboratories to research them with an electron mic, trish scopes to look at them through, whatever these mad ass scientists use these days, I might have a loop, to be honest. Round two! Put your clothes back on top. loop to be honest. Round two! Put your clothes back on top. Secretary schools in Hampshire are to teach creationism alongside the theory of evolution in science and religious education classes. Now Andy, there is absolutely nothing wrong with teaching both of them as long as you also teach that one of them is probably right and one of them is probably wrong. And, and this is key, that you get which one is correct

right. The guideline suggests that teachers explore with pupils the reasons why Darwin's theories were dismissed and ridiculed in the 19th century and again that's an interesting thing to learn about Andy no doubt about it if you learn that the main reason was that people were idiots then. Creationism versus evolution is a bit like maths versus fairies you know one of them is right, one of them is wrong, but you're always going to get people who only believe in one or the other. I think I have a better understanding of fairies than I do with maths, and my GCSE results were the test of that. Round three! Your third and final round! A Turkish students and teachers have

been protesting the removal of an article about Charles Darwin from a state-run science magazine, amid concerns that secular views in the Muslim country are increasingly under threat. The editor of Science and Technology magazine was sacked after she devoted the cover of the March issue to Darwin to mark the 150th anniversary of Origin of the Species. Wow! They've had 150 years to get over how offensive they found that book Andy, but it's still clearly too soon. And the subject of the new cover

was global warming, which is presumably God's will. He just wants us all to be warmer. He doesn't like polar bears, he thought they were a mistake. And that's it, that is the end of the fight. So let's score the foul and there's judges, there's the scientists, the priests and me and you. So the scientist scores it two to one in favour of science. The priest scores it three to zero in favour of God. Andy, what do you have? Well, I'm doing it more on a kind of boxing round score. So I'm going to score it 29-27 to God. To God. To God? Yep.

That's a science, to science, sorry. Oh, to science? Yeah. There's two rounds to science and one rounds square. Oh, well, I've got a point. I'm gonna deduct a point for God for an illegal knockdown. Okay, hitting science below the belt. 29-26.

Okay, here's the problem, Andy. I've got it 29-26 to God. Who got to you? What did they promise you, Andy? What've got it 29, 26 to God. Who got you? What did they promise you Andy? One of their scientists, the fix is in. I've got promised a one-way ticket to heaven. I can't turn that down Andy, even though I'm not sure I fully believe in the concept.

Well, I said, draw, maybe this is the right way, John, because you know, the two can live in perfect harmony as anyone who's ever seen me play football contest if I am supposed to combine both incisiveness of science with the kind of amazing omnipotence of God. So what's the draw and what does the fans think of that? They're not happy, Andy. They're not happy. They've played a lot of money to see them smash the shit out of each other. It's like Lewis against Holyfield, part one all over again. Your emails now, and this email came from Matt Parker, and he writes in these frifty economic

times, it seems practical to kill two birds with one stone as it were, and have Keefer Sutherland, also known as Jack Bauer, as a detail in your safe room. Well, we have made your wish come true, Matt. He continues his imminent and miraculous escape whereby one or both of you are killed with a satisfying degree of moral post during and gleeful retribution. Would A, appease many of your listeners, many of whom have sent detailed death threats and B, emboldened the US Democratic Party for President Bill Clinton, could continue to regale denigests about how nothing holds power and how neither Zoltzman or Oliver knew what they were dealing with.

Now we also had a great number of emails of the back of our berry news segment Andy and the Marion Berry. A number of emails on this, one here from Amy Ewan who says, dear Andy and John, I wanted to bring something to your attention, you discussed the new official Berry of Oregon, the Marion Berry. I want to dwell on the absurdity of debating berries at this juncture in our nations and world's massive shititude. However, good word. However, I wanted to share my first thought and probably the first thought of any other listeners from the Washington DC area. When we hear the phrase Mary and Berry, we'll all be thinking of Mary and Berry. A former mayor of Washington DC who was busted, smoking cocaine and canoeed

with a prostitute in a hotel room in 1990. Berry was strung out and downright impudent during his arrest, thus solidifying his place in Washington DC law. Curiously, Barry has made a trial and return as a DC City Council member and a parent stand-up member of society. So well done, Oregon. Your official Barry is now synonymous with a crack smoking, whore loving f**k up from Washington DC. Keep up the good work and please note that I don't wish to kill you. Cheers, Amy Yuan. This was brought to attention by a number of abuse. Also Jennifer Gill from Portland, Oregon, who pointed out the

unfortunate history, which the Marion Berry conjures up. And she actually has as an afterthought to her email. She said, Internet, the bugle website has been deemed inappropriate by my high schools internet monitoring system and has been forbidden. It is blocked under the category message boards, which sounds to me like the school district is trying to discourage children from communicating with the outside world. Although considering the current state of said world, I can see some validity in their attempt to keep us from it. Just thought you'd like to know Jennifer Gill.

And this email on the subject of Gordon Brown's rubbish gift, as talked about in the last week's bugle, from John Brueger, who writes, Any word on what region the DVDs of Barma gave Brown were for? As a rule, DVD sold in the US brackets region one, won't run on a UK DVD player brackets region two. Also, US DVDs will be NTSC encoded, while UK uses P.A. L encoding. Although this may be less of an issue with modern digital TVs. I have seen speculation in the media, but I've yet to hear definitively if a bomber gave Brown unplayable DVDs or not, getting to the bottom of this would seem

to be right up your journalistic alley. So John, you've got a bit of an insight track at the White House these days. Yeah, was a bomber basically just shifting off a load of DVDs he knew wouldn't work. I think that was it. Yeah, I think he was regifting something. He was given by the president of China. Please tell me they weren't bootlegs. And we've put this man on a pedestal. Please don't let him jump off it this soon.

Oh, come on president, that's clearly done off a camera. Someone's knee. Oh, they're no heroes. So do keep your emails flooding into the google at timesonline.co.uk. Also, that a few technical glitches. So we'll be rounding up some more of your emails in the blog and also the t-shirt prizes for best contributions to the website will be due to the next week when we've wasted less of the podcast talking shit. Also, buglers have some very important news that's just been related to me by Tom, our

producer and that is regarding iTunes apparently. I've been having problems downloading the back issues of the bugle on iTunes. It's just a take-off. It's just too much of the one they're now. Pulling iTunes can't cope and so we're're gonna have to take off the back issues of the bugle off iTunes. But you will still be able to get them off the website, timesonline.co.uk slash the bugle. So, times like this, you feel things are never quite

gonna be the same again, but I guess we'll just, we'll probably learn to live with it eventually. People can still get them. You can still get all of them, Andy, so they live on in a way. See what more stolen in the sky tonight though. Well, oh, that's, I mean, there's no way that's true. Ah!

Sport now, and there's no real time for sport, because we've overrun elsewhere. All we can say is that England, following a heroic defeat to the West Indies in cricket, are now the sixth best cricket team in the world. Now, bear in mind, on there are over 200 countries in the world. So we're pretty near the top.

We are better than America, Russia, China and Iraq put together. What a nation. And next week we will be reporting on the Afghan cricket team who have said that they will go and play in Pakistan, despite recent terrorist attack against the Sri Lankan cricket team who have said that they will go and play in Pakistan despite recent terrorist attack against Sri Lankan cricket team. The Afghan cricketers clearly being from Afghanistan, that is water off a duck's back frankly and they will not let the violent micro minority scare them away from playing cricket. Also, it's March Madness College Basketball will be reporting on the English college basketball season

and which I believe there is a college in England somewhere that plays basketball although quite often they have to share it with a badminton game. Just time for the Bugle forecast. John, next Sunday is Mother's Day here in Britain. I know you have a different one in America. Reminder, I think. And I guess the prediction is, will either of us remember that it's Mother's Day. Yes. Now, good. I think I still will forget.

When I was a kid, my mother actually discouraged us from observing Mother's Day. Already? Yeah. I guess so. The ultimate act of Mother's Day. Yeah. I think she saw it as a pointless waste of time. But you know, I will every day with Mother's Day for us John But what it does mean John is that next Sunday on Mother's Day our British bugle listeners are entitled to play this episode of the bugle to their mother at Full volume absolutely free of charge have this one on us mums

Where's a mother myself now? I know what these things mean That's often the bugle. Why is it mother-myself now? I know what these things mean. That's all from the Beagle. Bye-bye! Have a lovely week! Cheerio! you