The Bugle - It’s easier to build a moon than to Brexit: Bugle 4086

Episode Date: November 3, 2018

Andy is joined by Al Murray and Tom Ballard to look at just how China is taking over the world. Plus – Britain is angry, Australia now welcomes rappers (one at a time) and the US is, well, you know how it is.With@HelloBuglersAl MurrayTom Ballard@ProducerChrisMore episodes and info on our website: http://thebuglepodcast.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Dancelaguard fans, you will be thrilled to know a book is coming out if you fund it via Unbound. We are publishing the Dancelaguard Reader by Alice Fraser and Dancelaguard, a glorious insight into the world of Dancelaguard, self-published romance maven, and online bestseller. If you would like to find out how to support it, go to thebugelpodcast.com. If we get enough support, we will publish the book. That's a real thing that's going to happen. Thebugelpodcast.com to support the Danciler Guard Reader. The Bugle, audio newspaper for a visual world. Bugal audio newspaper for a visual world

Hello, Bugalers and welcome to issue 4,000 and 86 of the But that no it's gone Bugal that's it. Sorry. It's Thursday the first of November I am what does it matter real well just dust in the winds of history? Zoltzman not the catchiest first name, but I thought it was time for a rebrand. You can call me dusty for short. I am in any guesses wrong! Wrong, wrong, wrong, unless you said London, in which case you're right. And joining me this week,

to leave through the vomit stained pages, chundered from the guts of news into the poop bucket of history this week. All the way, firstly, from London, it's Albury. Good day to you, sir. Hello, Al. I'm really, I'm very well-ended. You didn't ask me. Firstly, also from London, it's Albury. Good day. Do you sir? Hello Al. I'm really, I'm very well-ended.

You didn't ask me. No, I didn't. But I'm very well. It's one of the social niceties that's still going. I think we should just go straight in. I know the news cycle is so fast. We haven't got time to ask each other where we are. But I'm very well.

I'm particularly enjoying the location of it today, because we're in Cochland. We are in Cochland. It's very much the spiritual home of the view. We recorded on a 10 or 12 episode, but Cochland, I think, is where we belong. Yeah, definitely. And it's a delight to be in Cochland in a basement in Cochland. So at the bottom of Cochland. So somewhere at the end of the shaft,

Cochland, just above the balls. The ball was, that's the etymological origin of St. Paul's Cathedral. It was originally St. Paul's. Yeah, yeah, St. Paul's. Yeah, everyone knows that. Yeah, it's just around the corner. Yeah.

Of course. And by the godless miracle that is communications technology all the way from Melbourne, Australia. It's a man who since was last on the bugle back in April has destroyed Australian civilization here to explain how he did it. It's Tom Ballard. Hello, gentlemen.

Hi, the ABC. Congratulations, Tom. And his excellent asshole Lane. So that's a crazy quid. Hi. So have you been some terrible? My TV show got cancelled. I am too hot for TV. I am a rebel taking down the Australian government through the power of satire and they fucking ended me mate.

To the Euro very well isn't it to power? It's all very well, but it got you into awful trouble didn't it? Turns out. Yes, yes. The show got ended. I'll get renewed. There was a government inquiry into the language used on the program and two weeks after tonight, it was Tom Valad finished up, both the managing director of the Australian Broadcasting Corporation and the chairman of the board were both relieved of their duties. So don't cry. The results, man. I'm very powerful. I'm very powerful. Right. We did sort of take yourself down with it.

So, Jenna. I thought the word drongo could upset so many people. Well, I'm very touched. You know that. I got a stuff right here. You know how it is. So, I mean, this goes back to a show you did in March. That's great.

Now I was reading up about it. The former chairman of ABC, plenty in an email said, it's not okay to call somebody a **** on an ABC comedy show. I mean, that's pretty vague. I mean, let's be reasonable. That's surely that's putting on restrictions

that are very unfair in terms of the language people are accustomed to using. And also in terms of the politicians being discussed, especially because A, it's Australia and B, it's Australia. Surely those two factors should come into play. Yes, now he didn't seem to take it. I don't know if those factors interplay at all. We didn't recall someone a f***ing joke about the idea of calling, a f***, we joked about the idea of calling somebody, that's very, very different. And this particular candidate was a candidate for the party, the Australian Conservatives.

Who were a pack of f***s? I mean, I'm not employed anymore, I'm allowed to say that, I stand by it. Is that the collective, now a pack of f***s? To murder, I think, a murder of f***s. A murder, I think a murder of f***s. Well, you can join the club in not having your own TV show. I'll just cut out the middle, man. So it's a bit difficult middle phase, we actually have to make it. You're always a head, Zoltzman. You're always a head.

So I was intrigued that it was the Batman by-election, which obviously is a source of considerable entertainment. And it's essentially just that name is why that's... I mean, it all came from that, didn't it? Were you calling Batman a c*****? That, that's... It did horrible things to Indigenous people in Australia. He has an electorate named after him.

We had a sketch about renaming the electorate, not taking away his name completely, but renaming the electorate. Batman was a c**. Oh, that's... This candidate was running renaming the electorate, Batman was a... Oh, that's... This candidate was running in that particular electorate, and we noticed that on his campaign poster he didn't have the phrase Batman at all, so we were reduced to saying that this particular person is a...

Right. ...a larried edsued. It was cleared by a report from the media authority, the Australian Communications and Media Authority. They released a report in which the word was used 53 times. Hey, that's progress of sorts. I was intrigued by Batman. He was described by a neighbour, the artist John Glover, who was an artist in the early 19th century, described John Batman as a rogue thief, cheat and liar, a murderer of blacks, and the vileist man I've ever known. He to me sounds like a prime minister in waiting for the way global politics is going in the 21st century.

You're just going to like the new Brazil, I think, yes. Yeah. And also, I guess as the old saying saying goes don't go into politics if you don't want someone to call you a ****. Al you've also basically brought down the British established. Well no I'm I've been accused of attempting to. I'm actually I haven't actually successfully lit the gunpowder like Tom. Yeah I've made this program called Why Does Everyone Hate The English which is a lighthearted look at the fact that everyone hates the English. And where's the English at the moment?

Well, yeah, basically, yeah. And I, the title of this show, no one's watched the f***ing thing, which is, you know, which is part of the course, the title of the show. We're watching Philadelphia, no one's watching Philadelphia. It's wonderful, isn't it? It's great for a show that no one watches to be canceled. I'm not going to call him a f***ing fuck I'm not going to go that far because I don't want the bugle shut down globally. He, as I said, he looked at the, he tweeted the artwork with this quote saying, Almari clearly hates despises his country and wants to destroy it.

And then that, and I found out about this because I suddenly got a load of kippers on my timeline saying that I was more of a threat to the cohesion of the United Kingdom than Andrew M. Chowdry. Hate preacher Andrew Chowdry. Who's just been loud, jail. And the thing is, it really is a lie-hearted look at the history. You know, I went to Ireland, I got pissed with Andrew Maxwell for a while. And somewhere along the line said, oh, some rotten stuff happened, didn't it?

So I have not brought down England or the UK and thing, but I've been accused of it. It's not quite the same thing. I mean, no one's had to, no heads of roll. I mean, I'm really impressed on that you've, you've actually got people fired. You know, obviously the truth to the wrong power, you know, the wrong people got fired, but well done.

I mean, you know, comedies people got fired, but well done. I mean, you know, comedy's in life without consequence. Fucking amazing. I couldn't have done it without the vehicle, friends. It's no, no, no, no, Vemba, it's the 11th month of the year, still no signs of November, clumbling the table. That's the problem with having a close shot with months, no promotional relegation, and the later months of the year, just bumble along complacently on December. Geez. So they're worried about being dropped. Nothing's gonna change.

Saturday, the 3rd of November, is National Bison Day in America. But please, for American listeners, if you are gonna buy a bison for your kids, spouse, parents, or as a leaving president for a work colleague who's heading off to a new job, please remember, if you don't keep trimming the bison like a bonsai, they get absolutely f**king massive, so make sure you also invest in a good quality bison trimmer. Monday, of course,

is the 5th of November around the world, and especially so here in Britain, where we celebrate Guy Forksday, surely Britain's favourite incompetent terrorist. Yeah, definitely. Definitely. If only there were more like him on the terrorist circuit ones who just totally fucked up. Well, he, he, he, he did totally, he did totally fuck up. Yeah, and you always get that, what we're gonna get is that run at rash of jokes of the only person who went to parliament with honorable intentions. Yeah. Anything. Uh, there he is. Is that, oh that's not funny.

No, he wanted to kill everyone. Oh no, that's terrible. And for Spain, I mean, you do it for the sp- He funny? No, you wanted to kill everyone. Oh, no, that's terrible and for Spain I mean you do it for the spot. He's trying to kill people for Spain. Right. I mean, that's that's that's not right Is it well? That's probably why it became a slightly over elaborate plot with too much Parting and build up And we of course we Celebrum commemorate him as believe the, is by burning effigies now of a prominent, often popular and divisive political figures. So there's going to be some

f***ing enormous bonfire this year. That's just another way Donald Trump is damaging the environment. It's also, today is World Vegan Day. So this episode of the Bugle has been written unusually without any help from animals. Sorry, Clive, you wrote some lovely gags about the American midterms, but I cannot use them not today. I'm going to go with the ones that appear to me miraculously have a packet of tofu. Screw you, Clive, you're ruining the environment. As always, a section of the bugle is going straight in the bin. This week we review the latest hit TV shows from Saudi state television including Celebrity Hit Squad, Get Back Inside, or I'll

have you plugged in jailed, very amusing romantic sitcom, and Boom or Bust thrills and spills guaranteed. As a selection of your favourite princess, test out the latest weapons bought from Plant Western Arms companies. Those sections in the bin. Top story this week and well China is obviously taking over the world. We are here in November 2018 Britain squabbling with itself of a Brexit like a meatloving vegan trying to humlick maneuver its own sausage clenching fist out from its esophagus while spiting its arm off just a spick it to spizz it back in its own face before collapsing like an overstretch metaphor. America meanwhile, trying to exorcise itself of itself by acupuncturing itself with a load

of rusty knitting needles applied with a bolt gun, not entirely working yet. Europe drifting to the far right, politically, like a miraculously reborn Abraham Lincoln thinking, what shall I do with my night off this time? I know, another trip to the theatre. All in a while, China, once again thinking, well, this is turning out to be a f*** of lot easier than we thought it would be. How you are our China gearing up to take over

as the world's number one super bad correspondent. Yes, bring us up to date. Well, this is quite the most extraordinary story from China. There's been a lot of fuss recently that we are not ready for Brexit and that the British government hasn't made the preparations, it's going to be a great big enormous task that they will never ever get around. It's been a week of incredible things like Mike Pence's Christian rabbi, right? But when that really should only be a cryptic crossword to it. Yeah, absolutely. Or the name of a, you know, the fiction will name of a band that people say,

I prefer their early stuff. Right. But the Chinese government, right, is planning by 2020 everyone in China, right? Everyone in China will be enrolled in a vast national database that compiles fiscal and government information including minor traffic violations and distills it into a single number ranking each citizen. I mean, holy f***! Right? I mean, exactly. It's set off the fire alarm in the building. This is how it's dangerously showing. The ambition of the Chinese government. It's absolutely incredible. So it's a social, it's a social credit system.

We're basically, that was really sinister. That was really, they were really listening to us. Who'd have thought the bugles was of the Chinese government's hit list? In its raw, under, under all cast forms, that's incredible. You're amazing. It is negative five. I'm not really, negative five. I'm not even negative five.

Absolutely, but this is what this is. Right? It was on the BBC and it did around social media. It was a broadcast from a train, a train operating company in China going, your behavior on this train will be logged and noted according to standards as laid down by this train company and will go on, basically go on your file as a passenger.

And in China what they're doing is rolling out this idea of social credit and it's coming from sesame credit which is the financial wing of Alibaba which is you know like it's both sound lovely. Well yeah but it's Alibaba, it's's an alley bar on the 40 scenes. I mean, let's, especially, it's a way of introducing children to high finance. To high finance. Yeah, I mean, it's an online shopping platform in China. It's enormous. It's only, but the thing is, what this always comes back to with China, is that that's got 400 million users. There's a lot of people, but how many people are other in China like, what is it? It's about 1 million users, there's a lot of people. But how many people are there in China? Like, what is it? One, it's about 1.4 billion.

1.4 billion. So, everyone, everyone in China is gonna be on this. It just keeps, for me, it just comes back to that. It's sinister, it's creepy. But how the f***, how the f***, how big is this server part? You know, I've heard of my other technology. I mean, yeah, exactly. I mean, I always end up with these stories getting drawn into the, how on earth are they going to do that?

Rather than, oh, the civil liberties implications are appalling, just how are they going to do that? It's absolutely amazing. And you've got that. That's the ethics of what's the admin. I'm f***ing right, I am. Because we're British. That's how we built the empire.

Absolutely, yeah. We're just... I mean, we're just... We're just... We're judging each we're British. That's how we built the empire. Absolutely. Yeah, we look we Judging each other on trains. That's my Pacific We are but we don't bother to write it down anywhere We store it up as a sort of burning internal grudge system But this is this is incredible. It apparently the

Sesame credit will not divide to avoid exactly how it calculates its credit scores, explaining that it is a complex algorithm. You better f***ing this. I mean, I think this is just, obviously the way the world, it's obviously the way the world's going. And I say that because China's in charge, right? So it's the way, isn't it?

It's the way, it's the way my favorite American sitcoms are the night of the night. And the Sesame's technology director said someone who plays video games for 10 hours a day, for example, would be considered an idol person. And somebody who frequently buys diapers would be considered a probably as a parent who on balance is more likely to have a sense of responsibility. It's absolutely incredible. What struck me about that sentence, Al, someone who frequently buys diapers would be considered as probably a parent.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Don't dive into it. Probably a permanent, I guess there's a, you know, it's not absolutely 100%. Or someone selling lappies on, isn't it? It's a middle, it could be a middle, the nappy trader. Yeah, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, diapers for like, you know, sex purposes,

which I think is worse than beinghas for like, you know, sex purposes, which I think is worse than being a video game, that to be open about it, because if you're gonna implement a state-run master-valent system that essentially reduces your citizens to empty vassal pawns in the political game status, at least have the good grace, the basic manners, to tell everyone that you're doing it.

Don't go through the masquerade of pretending you're not doing it, or worse, outsource it to dubious private companies to do the soul mining snooping for you at a profit. As tends to happen over here, this is straight up, cards on the table, honest, eyeball to eyeball subterfuge, and I admire that. I agree with you. I agree, Andy. Obviously, I'm worried about the admin, but I agree with what you've just said there. I'm not surprised that you guys don't get it. You're clearly both 2.4s, okay? Me is an

8.6. I get it and I get my head around it and I would do very well. I actually did very well in high school and I think the Chinese government will be very pleased with my trustworthiness and my brown nosey. So... You get like a specific number, it's not an actual ranking from 1 to 1.4 billion, is it? That would be... That would be... That would be...

That's what it's got billion for the first person in China. It's got... That's what it's got to for the first person in charge. That's what it's got to be. Surely, isn't it? It's got to be. And obviously, whoever's in charge will be number one, won't they? And there'll be a gulag full of people who are 1.6 billion. I mean, that would power it, that's how it have to work. I mean, this is one of these things where people are going,

it's like, let me read it. It's not like Black America, because it's have, that's how it would have to work. I mean, this is one of these things where people are going, it's like, let me, right? Right, it's not like blackmail, because it's actually f***ing happening. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. If you have a low social credit rating, you can be punished by being prevented from traveling, from getting bank loads or staying in hotels, give you your job options restricted.

You can even have your internet access blocked. Yeah. When have these people not suffered enough with also without also being barred from watching old footage of 1980s sport? Has the Chinese government no sense of humanity do not answer that question? The planning document related to this project

from the China State Council said that, quote, the new system will reward those who report acts of breach of trust. And if you do not think that's sinister enough immediately, try repeating those words in a 1930s German or Soviet accent. And just some breaking news coming through on the wires, police in the Oxford Village of Sutton Courtney have been called to disturbance in the church yard of All Saints Church. They've arrested a man they described as being aged between 110 and 120, approximately

six with two inches in height and a ghost, going by the name of George Orwell. Although without the papers to prove that wasn't in his real name, then they found deep facing his own gravestone with spray paint graffiti of the words, see what I meant. LAUGHTER In other signs that China is about to take over the world news, the Chinese city of Chengdu is planning to replace street lights with an artificial moon.

Yeah, I mean, that's a glorious sentence to exist. Officials in the 14 million strong city of Chengdu, which in Chinese terms makes it a larger than average village. Have announced plans to put a bogus moon in space. The pseudo satellite will, they claim, reflect sunlight onto the streets at night. With the aim of entirely replacing street lighting with a f***ing fake band-made moon.

This is where I'm again. The ambition in China. I want them to, I want them to try this. I want them to try this because because you know that then we're then we're living in a sci-fi future. All right, we don't benefit from it. Chinese people do. Yeah. You know, we can all dream. We can all dream. I mean, and how big, how, I mean, what? Again, this is another one by 2020. Yeah. So they've got two years to get a fake mooning to space and everyone onto an enormous hard drive.

Well, they set deadlines in Britain. We're trying to launch a shit new cricket competition by 2020. Do we have balls out? I think if you have a low enough social credit story in China, you have to drive the moon. I think it's all right. Anyway, tighten that knee along.

I'm sure I'm going to spend three days twiddling your thumbs and scratching your nuts in a rocket when you're going to just forge your moon and illuminate a large city with it. It's going to be eight times as bright as the real moon, which I think this always happens with moons, doesn't it? You know, the old ones, toss to side in favor of younger and brighter moon. I hope we got one out of Brexit actually. I think. Well you know a fake moon on a stick. Been promised to us out. Been promised to us. Again and again. You know this is though this is again it's China's vaunting ambition to build a fake moon, to put everyone's name

on our drive and rate them. Oh, why if this moon, is this moon gonna have a higher rating than the real moon? I mean, it's a moon on moon one to one competition. What happens when the actual moon's going past the fake moon? You know. It's got to be feeling pretty rotten, isn't it? Yeah, yeah.

I mean, I do it, China, do it. Nasser is doing some cool stuff, though Parker solar probe passed the current record of 42.73 Million kilometers from the Sun's surface on Monday that is breaking a record This satellite is on a mission to quote touch the Sun which you know Shows me to move and still has a long way to go There is nowhere that you hide. Maybe it was one that was sent in the 70s. You know, different sent to surprise you about what it's allowed to run itself alongside.

You know, he sent a satellite from the 70s and it's on a mission to get his hands on as many... Well who's it? Voyager. It went straight into Venus. Yeah, I'm right. Absolutely. hands on as many... Come on, who's it? Voyager. It went straight into Venus. Yeah, absolutely. You love it. Yeah, is that one that rubbed itself along Saturn's rings?

I mean, family show, guys. What has happened to this? Bugglers, modern life has probably got you brushing your teeth all wrong. Just because the news makes you angry, it doesn't mean you need to take it out on your teeth and this is why you need a quip electric toothbrush. Quip are backed by over 20,000 dental professionals. That's basically enough to nearly fill lords cricket ground. Their brushes have sensitive sonic vibrations so you can be gentle with your sensitive gums, and given that even counting gets some of you wound up these days, Quip has a built in two-minute timer that pulses every 30 seconds to remind you when to switch sides, helping

give a full and even clean. Quip starts at just $25. And if you go to getquip.com slashbugle right now, you'll get your first refill pack free with a Quip electric toothbrush. That's your first refill pack free at getqip.com slash bugle. Australian news now Tom, you are official Australian news correspondent as the man bringing down Australia from the inside. Since you were last on the show you have been treated to, I mean, what's almost an annual treat now, a new Prime Minister, but you leave your old Prime Minister under

the pillow and you get a new one in the morning. We're up to our fifth in eight years, but we are still sticking with an idiot. We're still locking that in, no matter how many we go through, that is the consistency that we've gone with. Are you very familiar with Scott Morrison? Have you, are you aware of him? Have you embraced Scomo into your life? A little bit of worth from my trip to Australia the last couple of years. I mean, he's not necessarily someone that's easy to instantly warm to as a neutral. I think that's probably fair to say.

He has a bold spot and glasses. He looks like an insurance accountant management consultant somehow. He came to power after there was a failed coup by Peter Dutton who was the immigration minister. Peter Dutton looks like a potato is just as dynamic, flavor wise. So you're saying the immigration minister couldn't get in? Boom! There we go. He was turned around. Yes Scummo is the nickname that we've given to Scott Morrison I think he's like adopted himself scummo, which does kind of sound like something you catch after an extended period of time on the high seas I think yeah, we had to empty take me leg because of the scumoo

We had to empty take me leg because of the scumoo But he's had just just an amazing run already we're two months in already He's the 30th prime minister and his first few weeks in the job He's social media team released a video of him speaking in parliament and they used the 1999 fat man scoop banger be faithful As part of the video He they're immediately apologized and took down the video when he was informed that that song contains the classic lyrics, who f**king tonight? Who f**king tonight?

Now, which of course reminds me of the time Winston Churchill released a promotional telegram of one of his speeches set to the sounds of two live crews, Me So Horny. I think we already did that. For our thought, Fat Man Scoot was a new cricket shot parted by W.G. Grayson in his later years, but evidently I was mistaken. You got cricket on the brad if you're insane there.

I'm really insane there. Scott Morrison tweeted, the full lyrics of the song used in my early video from question time today were just not okay. When I found out, I asked the team to take it down, apologies. Now, Scott Morrison used to be a Australian immigration minister and is therefore responsible

for the indefinite detention and torture of innocent refugee children. And he has never apologized for that. But apparently, he's really a part of the song. There's some rude words in another part of that song is simply unacceptable. It's like if Hitler apologized for the shouting. Oh, he's very straight. Then Fatman Scoot was like, I apologize for the shouting. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha said, sorry at Fat Man's scoop, I made a new friend this afternoon, basically implying

that the five minister of Australia seems to believe you can only be friends with one black musician at anyone's home. That is the rule, which is a real one in one out policy that he also applies to Australia's immigration. So he's consistent, I think, which is good. Yeah. I suppose he is a massive hip hop fan Scott Martin look look like one scum of bitch

boy he says I love am I right in thinking that he was the face of Vicks Vaporub as a child Vicks love Rob he wasn't an ad, was that it? He was a child actor briefly. Yeah, yeah, yeah, no, I've just, because I have never, this is the thing with Australian politics, Blinken, you missed it, I'd never heard of this guy, right, he may be promised of a nation that we are determined to do a trade deal with, even though it's pretty clear you're not interested, right? And so I've just, I've Googled him. And it says some reports,

the suggested he was the iconic 1970s Vicks Love Rob kid, but footage to confirm or refute this has not been found. He has stated he was in a different Vicks commercial. All right. This is amazing. That's enough to know about him. Child actor, they're weird. You're probably going to say pigs,

and we are just in a different VIX commercial. Yeah, I was not in that VIX commercial. I did not rub that particular VIX on myself. Amazing, quite incredible. But if he was a child actor, he's a bell-end. That's a pretty good weather vein. I think if he's a private history's a bell-end. That's a pretty good weather vein. I think he's a private history's abeild. He's not all bad though.

He's a cricket thing, Andy. The prime minister's 11 matching canberra while interacting with the crowd. Scott Morrison sculled a cup of beer and then placed the cup on the top of his head. And that's the most interesting thing that's ever happened at a cricket match ever. So there you go. Cute Tom. Cute. Cute.

Okay. That is unacceptable. I have that level of blasphemy on this show. Morrison also has this trophy in his office with a small boat. It's a trophy of a boat and it has the inscription, I stopped these, which is a reference to the fact that he stopped the boats, the refugee boats coming to Australia. And it's always a good sign when your nation's leader has physical reminders of the horrific things

they're responsible for dotted around their office. I think Margaret Thatcher had a little trophy of unions in her office with the inscription, I crushed these. George Bush had a trophy of a small Iraqi child with the inscription, I killed these, and David Cameron had a little piggy bank with a slut for his penis. So, family show. Britain news now, and well Brexit is getting closer and closer, all further and further away,

delete as history proves applicable. But the most exciting part of it is, we're going to get a new coin out of it. Yeah, not content with the dangling as the ripe cherry of a blue passport. This government is offering us a 50 P piece to celebrate the excitement of our departure from the opinion that's going to say on it, because who says we do irony in this country? It's going to say on it friendship to all nations, on the back of it, which is just like, that is just awesome. We have the greatest sense of humour in the world in this country, And we're going to demonstrate it with a 50-piece piece. It's absolutely amazing.

And I was also going to set a world record for the most sarcastic invisible quote marks on a single coin. The fact that there's not a question mark at the end of that is a bossy move. I feel like friendship with all nations. Oh no, it's just wonderful. And people mocking this coin are typical of the Ramonas,

the Ramonas, as I prefer to call them, the Ramonas who simply won't get behind this country's project to tell the world to f*** off. And most disappointed that they can't get behind that the will of the people. And this coin is a sign that we're bouncing back, we're open for business, we're ready to rock and roll, it's not going to change anything, us leaving the EU, etc. But we're all going to get a 50pp piece. We're all going to get a 50pp piece.

And of course, it's going to cost us each 75 pounds. We're going to get that 50pp. Well, it's, yes, it's one pence for every billion quid spent so far. There's a great article about the design of the coin and it said, it's, yes, it's one pencil every billion coins spent so far. It's a great article about the design of the coin and it said, it's not yet known exactly what the new Brexit coins will look like, which I think is perfect. What better way to embody what Brexit is about than by being vague about what you're going to look like. It's great. But it does, I mean,

it is a bizarre time in this country at the moment, whether we're essentially tearing ourselves apart like a desperate teenage Labrador simultaneously undergoing violent mood swings and emotional upheavals was also confronting its own increasingly obvious mortality. Now I know that metal doesn't quite work as Labrador's adolescent phase is not in its teenage years on a human year scale, but hey, what the heck? It's Brexit. Ascribing it through a metaphor that doesn't work

seems almost too appropriate. Besides, I committed to the teenage dog metaphor without really fully thinking it through, and so I couldn't pull out, good, I had to go through it. Otherwise, how would I ever trust myself to finish a metaphor again? Ha ha ha ha ha ha. The American News Now, and what, the midterms,

America news now and what the midterms in just a few days away by the time we next to a bugle, we will know whether Donald Trump has been cut in half or allowed to remain a hole for the next two years. Well, he seems to be continuing his scheme to make America great again by savagely attacking all the things that made America great in the first place. Okay, it's very hard for us outside just to understand the big issues at stake for the midterms appear to be how much of a prick America is going to be as a nation for the next two years. Healthcare.

Now, I'll admit, I'm a bit out of the loop and do find it confusing, but it seems to come down to whether or not rich people earning over $750,000 a year will be given a special golden ticket, Charlie and the chocolate factory, so I'll entitling them to go to hospital and unplug the life support machine of someone earning less than 20,000 a year. I may be reading between the lines, but it's not too far off. And one of the curious stories was, Donald Trump saying that he's going to end the right to American citizenship for the children of non-citizens who have themselves been born in the USA.

Now, Trump, the unavoidably obvious testicle in the world's collective meatball maranara, is, I mean, he's taken aim, but this is the 14th amendment, birthright citizenship to the US constitution, dates back to 1868. So I guess it's understandable that he might start thinking that amendments are written 150 years ago,

more no longer have quite the implications that they were originally intended to have Is that right Donald? Is that right Donald? Is that right Donald? Yes These these own kids Wouldn't fall under this Because if anchor Trump wasn't naturalized until after these kids were born. Yeah, but there's a crucial difference there from a f***ing minted family.

Oh, yeah, that's the 14th and a half the moment. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, because what do they call them? There's a thing that Russian, there's supposedly a thing Russian rich Russian families do. They have the kid born in the US so that then they can all move to the US and uh, and anchor babies. It's a horrible term. Yeah, and, and you know, mixing and people will do the same. Anchor babies, the idea that anchors you to the country that you move. Yeah, yeah. And that's what he's trying to

stop, isn't he? But his own kids, his own children, for Christ's sake. I think it could be him, you'd lose a few of them. Two of you else. Eric could be fine. I think it's a good idea. I think that no one should be the citizen of any country when you get born anywhere. We should just be neutral. And then it's just like a lottery system where you just find out, oh, I'm Albanian and so I have to go live there now. And that would I think mix things up a little bit more. People get a little less nationalistic and would share the love around a bit. I don't know. If I drew Albania, I think I'd go for it.

I'd double down a bit, a totally nationalistic Albania. But that's because you hate Britain and everything is down to our story. Yeah, of course, sorry. I'm in the terms of destroy it. Yeah, I'm really sorry. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, the midterms have tossed up, they've tossed up some weirdness though. There's been a attempt. Obviously, there's the refugee convoy, isn't there, that day, barcle where Trump sent soldiers to the border, even though there are a thousand mile, at least people are a thousand miles in the border, he said some of them might be Middle East terrorists, he said George Soros is paying for it. Yes, so I mean one of the things that I've spotted in this sort of midterm chaos is an attempt by a young Trumpian, Trumpist activist to smear Bob Mueller, right?

Obviously, he's heading up the investigation into Russian interference. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And what he's done is he leaked a story that, he said he'd found this story that Mueller had been accused of sexually assaulting someone, right, in 2010. And it had come to him via a thing called Gateway Pundit. And it had come to Gateway Pundit via a thing called Sure Fire Intelligence. Intelligence firm, that, oh, look, he'd set up.

Jacob will nextmanagement.com. He's on their company, DNS Record Analysis. And then you get into the website and what there is to look at is absolutely amazing. He made the mistake of putting his own name on the company thing when he set it up, right? The Tel Aviv station chief, he used a picture of an Israeli supermodel, right? Doug Donald, who's a Donald Treehorn, who's an investigator at Sure Fire Intelligence, that's a Cardigan model called Nick Hopper. Mark Telah, who's a private investigator at Sure Fire Intelligence, he's another model. And then you work your way through it

and financial investigator, Sure Fire Intelligence, it's a picture, it's a picture, would you believe of a Christoph Faltz from the movies, right? Because this guy is so f***ing in it. And I really recommend people check out Sure Fire Intelligence. It's absolutely amazing. And there he is, a Christoph Foltz,

he's from the University of Bern, he's the financial investigator there, he's from Zero, apparently, check his contact info out. What I think is amazing about this is the ineptitude of the people supporting Trump. It doesn't matter, does it? It's none of this seems to matter. And all the stuff that you used to,

you wouldn't have got away with. It's all great, isn't it? It's incredible. So basically the only remaining piece of fact in it is Bob Muller's name. Yes, that's it. That's all that's left. The other thing that is true is Bob Muller's name. Yes, that's it. That's all that's left. The only thing that is true is Bob Muller's.

It's Bob Muller's. Well, I think we need to say this one step further, and we have a bit of breaking bugle news here. The Republican candidate for mid-decoater, Drillard Buttlark, once exposed himself to a school party at a local zoo while stressors of Bonobo Monkey started thruggling his novel somewhat vigorously and shouting don't be afraid of nature kids. So spread that news see if you can effectively in terms.

Okay that's all we have time for this week. If you have any emails for us do send them into hellobugalersatthebugalPodcast.com. Next week, it's week off time, but we will have a sub-bugle for you with choice excerpts from the recent and distant bugle past. We'll be back with the live bugle show from the Leicester Square Theatre, which there are tickets still available for. It's on the 14th of November at, as I said, the Leicester Square Theatre in London, that's featuring Nish Kumar and Felicity Ward. And also, we will soon have some news about the future of the Bugle.

There are some changes imminent and your chance once again to play your part in keeping this podcast going for it. At least another 4,000 and 86 episodes. Al Tom has been a delight having you both back on the show after. Always a pleasure. Yeah, always a pleasure.

Thanks, Andy. Al, you're, why does everyone hate the English? Is that a pleasure. Yeah, always a pleasure. Thanks, Sandy. How old you're... Why does everyone hate the English? Is that a lie? Well, why? I don't know. They don't tell me. I have no idea.

I think probably. And we're hoping to go to other countries and be told what we did wrong. Right. You know, I'm... Well, that's a series that has... Well, in Australia, I mean, you'd think we might as well resettle there. We'll try that before.

You might be here a while, mate. Tom, anything to plug any live shows or a- My new stand-up show is called Enough and that'll be touring around Australia and hopefully other parts of the world in 2019. And people can follow me on Twitter at Tom's Evalid if they like. Don't forget also to buy your tickets for my latest installments of Andy's Ultimate Certifiable History. This year covering the year 2018,

coincidentally, will also feature Alice Fraser at the Soho Theatre from the 18th of December to the 6th of January with a few days off. To play you out now, a little bit of history. On this day, the 1st of November in the year 1512, the Sistine Chapel ceiling was displayed for the first time. Now, regardless of one of the great artworks of all time, but as self and as the case, it's entirely hit home with the critics. When it was first launched,

I've got some of the contemporary reviews here. The Teen Magazine Chowbella, said plenty of adorable hunts, not enough relationship advice. The Catholic flagellant, no in air enough pain and suffering, with the ceiling that big, we wanted to see nothing but guys

who nail through their hands and feet being cababbed in the side with a spear. That's what the fans want to see in a fresco. The Vatican prude way, way too many willies for our liking. The daily mail, art is shitter than it used to be. And today's trappist simply reviewed it as... So it is 500 years since this is Tinge Apple ceiling was unveiled, but let's hear the real story

of how that came about as exclusively revealed on the Bugle way back in issue 34. Bugle feature section now, and 500 years ago, this year, Michelangelo, or as he was known by his friends, Mickey Paintbrush, was commissioned to do a little bit of decorating for the Pope. He got his nickname, of course, not because of his artistic skills,

but because he had tough, bristly, straight hair, which when he was drunk, he would dip in a vat of paint and head butt cartoon testicles into the size of churches. Anyway, the story goes, that Julie's the second asked Mickey Paintbrush, can you whack a lick of paint on the ceiling in my chapel? It could do with a bit of sprucing up. Short Papa J replied, Michael Angelo, what do you want?

How about a bit of a fresco? Sure, why not reply the pontiff? Great, yep, the young artist. I was thinking of doing something with some dogs playing snooker. Right, Mickey P said the Pope awkwardly. It's just, uh, I was just kind of hoping something a little bit more kind of neutral. Maybe just, you know, just a plain, off-white,

magnolia color. You know, Mick, something that isn't gonna go out of date. Righto, Skipper, replied Michelangelo, a little downcast. Hey, do you mind if I do a couple of little bits from the Bible in the corner? Now, all right, conceded the Pope, but just nothing too flashed, little Mickey. Yay! Yelp, the 33-year-old five-time winner of the Golden Chisel Award for Terrific Sculpture. I'll

go and get my special scaffold. Four years later, an angry Pope banged on the door of the Sistine Chapel with his big staff. Have you finished yet, paintbrush, he shouted? Yep, all done, big man. The pontiff stormed in, hat a Kimbo. What the f*** have you done to my ceiling, you flash! Sorry pop said the artist, I just got a bit carried away. Oh balls winced the Vatican Vicar. Bloody old Mickey, what is your obsession with naked cocks? Shit, I've got a christening to do in 20 minutes, this is gonna have to do.

Ok boss, sorry boss, mumble the four in one painter, sculptor, architect to do in 20 minutes. This is gonna have to do. Okay boss, sorry boss. Mumbled the four in one painter, sculptor, architect and chicken in person later. You haven't heard the lot of this Puanarotti blasted the Catholic Kahuna. Give me that paintbrush, that's confiscated. Pope Julius turned to go to his dressing room. Just then, something on the ceiling caught his eye. Hang on, that looks like... No, it can't be.

Is that my Wang Mickey Paintbrush have you painted my papal prong on that new demand come here come here little Oh, no, he's got away. I knew I should have got to vent you to do this knew it Thank you.