The Bugle - Joe the plumber now regrets chatting with Barack Obama

Episode Date: October 19, 2008

The 49th ever Bugle podcast, from 2008. Written and presented by Andy Zaltzman and John OliverThis is a classic episode from The Bugle, to support us, and to keep the Bugle alive and free of ads, please visit http://thebuglepodcast.com/ Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Audio newspaper for a visual world! Hello, Bughlers and welcome to issue 49 of the Bughal for the week beginning October 20th, 2008 with me and his ozman in the historic city of London and in New York, John Oliver. Hello, Andy. Hello, Bughlers, how are you doing, Andy? I'm, I'm well, I've had a bit of a cold this week, but I'm okay. I don't think it's gonna be fatal. Good anecdote.

The house is for anecdotes, Andy. I think Lou Reed lives close to me in New York, and I'll tell you why, because he often sits on the steps outside my apartment, drinking his coffee, and I have to ask him to move so that I can get past. That's the extent of my semi-regular relationship with Lou Reed.

And I'll one way relationship took another turn recently because he was there and by chance the song Vicious was playing on my iPod. I looked down and there was Lou. Sipping on his coffee and being in the way. Classic Lou. The two things he loves to do the most when I'm around. It was one of the strangest moments in New York I've had. I asked him to move because you know I still needed to get past but this time he was

unwittingly serenading me as he just heated over a bit. I had a very interesting meeting in Stretem in South London where I live this week. I saw the guy who works in the little cafe near the bottom of my road. I saw him out of the cafe so I've never done before. That's always strange, isn't it? Out of context. Did you nod at him? Orquidly? He recklessly. I'll see you in the cafe nod. That's right. Extra sausage. Right, also. So we both had interesting weeks. Issue 49 and what a great number 49 is. Most test wickets ever taken in the series of cricket.

Oh boy. You don't need me to tell you that John. I think I do. Also the most hedgehogs ever eaten in one sitting by the late actor Paul Newman who was rehearsing for the 50 egg eating scene in Cool Hand Luke. And to make it easier. To make it easier for himself. He warmed up by eating 50 hedgehogs so that when he got to do the scene on camera he'd be able to manage it easier. To make it easier for himself, he warmed up by eating 50 hedgehogs so that when he got to do the scene on camera, he'd be able to manage it. But sadly the last day,

he got 49 hedgehogs down the last one ran away and he was stopped by the police, scrambling around at the undergrowth. So 40-249, also interestingly enough, the dial-in code for Germany. Let's not go into that. And also the number of strings on a harp. Who would have thought, Andy, you could find a number. So inspirational. You like it. You like a one man says in me, too. It'd been the 20th of October, John.

That means it is what, Saint's Day? Come on, you should know this. Is it Saint Barry of Lincoln? No, John. It's an Andrew of Crete. Now you've had a crack at me for being a bad Jew. So, too shy. As always, some sections of the bugle go straight in the bin.

This week, a smuggling section. It's the new middle class trends sweeping through Britain and America, a fun hobby for couples, friends and families. And we give you tips on how to smuggle antique teddy bears, golf trophies, swivel chairs, carrots and other rare vegetables. And the key is to dress everything

you're smuggling out like an old woman and wheel it through customs with a concerned look on your face as if it is genuinely a matter of time. Also how to tell the distance between importing, smuggling and bringing your own stuff back from holiday, there's a three very different ways of getting things into your country. And also a look back to the golden age of smuggling, when smugglers were the star footballers of their day. Also a special giveaway going in the bin of Smuggling, when Smugglers were the star footballers of their day. Also a special giveaway going in the bin this week in association with the junglers chain of comedy clubs,

a free heckle. And this week we're starting off with the classic, Get Off Your Shit. So take that down to a junglers comedy club with your special bugle token and heckle away. Top story this week, American News. And it's getting closer and closer to election day. This has been a marathon campaign, Andy, so much so that I think every American voter should be greeted outside the polling booth after voting with huge cheers, wrapped in one of those silver capes they give to marathon runners and presented with a medal for having completed the most grueling

election in history. You made it to the end, you're all winners, even though around 49% of you will in fact be losers. I for one am looking forward to this being over, Andy. Due to my job, I'm simply watching too much news at the moment. There is only so much news the human soul is designed to take and I think I am well over the recommended daily threshold. What is that amount? Because I think it is about 45 minutes. Because most major news bulletins here in Britain are half an hour long. So maybe we brits have a slightly lower news threshold.

It should be said John that the original marathon run by the Greek Rana Fideopedes on the way back from the Battle of Marathon did result in him dropping dead as soon as he finished it Which does possibly point the finger to a McCain victory the main news from the campaign trail this week was the third and final presidential debate from Hofstra University Long Island what university Hofstra and the... Bless you, John. What university? Hofstra! Are they always coming to? Obama is leading in almost all polls at the moment, although this is perhaps slightly clouded by any potential,

Bradley Effect on Election Day, Bradley Effect, being the more palatable way of saying racist effect. All the talk of the build-up was of John McCain needing to land a knockout punch on a barmer. At one MSNBC pundit, pundit said he needs a knockout. LL Cool J had a song called, I'm gonna knock you out. Good point pundit, but LL Cool J also had a song called, Lisa's got a big old butt. And I'd be more impressed if you managed to force that into a commentary

It's true he did Andy it went Lisa's got a big old butt. I know I told you I'd be true But Lisa's got a big old butt so I'm leaving you Let's see become got a major player in American electoral politics now Well, it's huge because he comes up with soundbikes as strong as that one. Right. Any other ones? We should never have. Yeah, back seat of my cheap. That was another and now I'm at that. That's clearly a reference to the underfunding of the military in Iraq and in adequate provision of equipment. He's always been

concerned about it. And here is the beauty of going up against the Democrats. You may not need to deliver a knockout blow to them as they have proven adept over the years at landing that punch on themselves. Who could forget Al Gore and John Kerry repeatedly smashing themselves in the face until electoral defeat, or in Al Gore's case, electoral victory, then electoral defeat. He even lost an election he won. Do you know how terrible you have to be at running campaigns to do that in a democracy? Pretty bad. It did seem though that Obama was pretty much going rope a dope in that last debate. He really wasn't, you know, he was just letting McCain kind of punch himself out, kind of leaning over whispering in his ears, that all you got, John. They told me you could punch before swinging off the ropes and knocking an old man to the floor. Watching McCain get angry at an angrier and a farmer essentially doing nothing was like

one of those cartoons where one man put his hand on the forehead of the shorter man who just squint his face around until he falls over. This debate was a much testier affair than the other two partly because McCain came out like someone had just told him a farmer had eaten his burrito. The one he'd been saving especially for after the debate. Did he seem like he didn't quite go in hard enough though John? I mean his tactics seemed to be like a rugby team that seven points down and went for a penalty kick in the last minute instead of kicking it to touch and going for a try in a conversion. And for our American listeners, ten seconds left on the

clock, seven points down went for a field goal. And for our American listeners, 10 seconds left on the clock, seven points down went for a field goal. And for our non-US non-rogby cognizant listeners, get a f***ing life sunshine. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha which is absolutely the single most charming form of expression there is in the entire world. Neither candidate was particularly impressive and you start to wonder if both of them are having second thoughts over this job altogether, because in their defence this was not the job they applied for over a year ago, since then the economy has crashed like a panda on a motorbike, and frankly no one will blame them for having a part of them which wants to chuck it all in.

The way things are now the upcoming four years look a lot less attractive to sort out. So how do you think Obama could contrive to lose from here John? He's only got a couple of weeks and he's a really bulls up badly and McCain is making it even more difficult by being so shit. Do you think this is why he appointed Pailin? Was that he realised how things were going and he wanted to guarantee defeat? I think that is the only rational explanation at this point. It's also the only way of explaining an inexplicable moment during McCain's answer to a question on late term abortions, which I'm always hoping for whenever a moderate opens their mouths.

Come on late term abortion question. Come on. When McCain ridiculed the concept of women having concerns over their health. When he said of Obama, he's health for the mother. You know, that's been stretched by the pro-abortion movement in America to be almost anything. That's the extreme pro-abortion position. Quote, health. He was even putting physical quotation marks

around the word health, Andy. Now, I'm not a campaign manager, and if I ever become one, I'd like you to hold a pillar over my face until the twitching stops. But I don't think that's a great way to go about winning the female vote, and not only the female vote, but the male vote as well.

In fact, just a general human vote. Really, if a barmatillusion here, what he would have to do would be one or all of the following. Mutter about all that while fiddling with his jacket during a press conference. Make a pass at Joe Biden live on television. Set fire to a stars and stripes while urinating on the Lincoln Memorial, or announcing killing first born children as a new money-saving policy. I'm guessing might be something in that because you've got to analyse these policies in terms of their impacts on the incomes of the average American family in these straight and financial times. And in fact most

families would be significantly better off under a killing the first born scheme. So it might actually be a vote winner. In fact, in many ways John, first born children are attacks on the fertile. Whereas I think from a cane to win here, what he would have to do is get under a barmer's skin literally and then play him like a puppet, make him do Nazi salutes and terrorist fist bumps left right and center I think you might have a chance then or he's going to need some quality endorsements. It has color in Powell actually because there's a lot of rumors about him being about to endorse. He hasn't done that yet but no one would be surprised if he did. Right one of the reasons he hasn't done that yet, but no one would be surprised if he did right One of the reasons he hasn't done it yet is because apparently he's been busy singing hip-hop songs in the album hall about

Nigerian email fraud I heard about that you do want to check what they're singing about Before you start jumping around he has shown his Galability on previous occasions I guess that's true that's true he's got a track record At least this time was a little more obvious. Are you sure this is a genuine hip-hop song? Okay, okay, well, that's good enough for me. The surprise issue which emerged was both candidates' desire to appeal to one man in Ohio

who was referred to as Joe the Plumber. Joe the Plumber was mentioned 20 times during the debate, four times more than Iraq. And this followed a running that Joe the Plumber had with Obama on his campaign trail 20 times during the debate, four times more than Iraq. This followed a running that Joe the Plumber had with Obama on his campaign trail when Joe questioned Obama's tax plan and how much money that would lose him. Obama had responded that perhaps everyone would benefit if we, and I'll quote, spread the wealth around a bit.

Which many people here took to mean that Obama was about to slap a Lenin mask on and prance around muttering in Russian. The media fell in love with Joe the Plumber at camping outside his house that night, but by mid-morning the next day they were already looking for dirt on him, a weather-read register to vote, and the fact that he was once a member of the Natural Law Party, with George Harrison and once belonged him, which can involve yogic flying. This lightning quick relationship between the media and an overnight political celebrity is a dance as old as time.

It's nature and action and the the natural new cycle. First, a significance is lavished on him which is neither warranted, asked for nor deserved. Then every facet of his personal life is scrutinised and publicised until he's left, a broken shell of a man living out the remainder of his days as a half remembered punchline. It's like watching Lions mall on Antelope and Vultures then tearing the carcass apart. Joe the Plumber is today's Antelope and the media are the Pulitzer Prize nominated Vultures. Did a Plumber not respond to Joe the Plumber's question about his tax policies by asking Joe the Plumber a question about plumbing? Surely that would be

the way to go without you knowing your job. I'll do mine, so I'm showing. I don't come down to where you work and knock that plunger out of your hand. Let's not forget the running mates too, Andy Joe Biden has been consistently gaffing this campaign. How's he? And not really receiving the attention he deserves for them. In many ways, he's a victim of how prolific a gaffer he is. He's just expected from him now. My favourite, I was this week

during a stump speech and he was giving on the economy when he said, and I quote, the most important issue is a three-letter word, jobs, J-O-B-S. He even spelt it out. That's got to be one of the biggest campaign gaffs since Grover Cleveland opened fire in a school. And now the first of two special Bugle Presidential campaign profiles. This week, John McCain. John McCain always wanted to be president. From the moment in 1954 that he was given a talking Dwight D. Eisenhower doll for his 18th birth.

He retired in the Navy in April 1981, coincidentally, just months before Prince Charles and Lady up Diana Spencer got married. In the 80s he supported Reaganomics, as well as other forms of new age exercise like at Robics and Tantric Badminton. He is renowned for his maverick behavior in the Senate, including voting against his own party and hiding up trees making squirrel noises. That's genuinely maverick. At whilst most people do now know that John McCain is running for president in 2008, no one knows that he actually tried to run for president in 2000. He had a campaign bus called the Straight Talk Express, so called because all anyone was

allowed to talk about was how much they fancy girls. Ironically, he was later accused of homosexuality. The evidence, apparently, being the testimony of a woman who correctly claimed that John McCain had never slept with her. So he therefore must be gay. Similarly, the claims that he'd fathered an illegitimate black baby, he transpired to have omitted to include either the word not before the word fathered. Or the words adopted a bang that they she often, instead of fathered an illegitimate black baby. But I guess in the heat of electoral battle such trifling linguistics mistakes are inevitable. And also when the Iraq war started in 2003, McCain volunteered to fly a bombing mission over

Baghdad, quotes for old times sake. However, if he flew he'd have had to fall for his military pension, so he just played a golf war computer game instead. The The The The The British news now and it's been a great week for Prime Minister Gordon Brown, unemployment is soaring and his government has had to back down humiliatingly on its plans to attain terrorist aspects for 42 days. They're going to have to stick with the current 28 days and that's enough time for football World Cup. Should be enough time to deal with the terrorist.

That's what Pele thinks. That's what I think. Brown, of course, is never happier than when things are going absolutely terribly as the recent economic crisis has shown. So I would imagine he's absolutely loving unemployment rocketing up. It's quite hard for me and a new John to really understand the issue of unemployment

since we've never really had proper jobs. Yeah, that's true. I'm self-employed and actually last year I was briefly unemployed. I had to sack myself after I caught myself stealing stationery from my own office. Yeah. But I did end up then rehiring myself just because I'd like to work with people that I know. Even if you don't like them.

And everyone deserves a second chance, too. Yeah, there's going to be two million people out of work in the UK by Christmas. So we seem to want to return to a real Dickensian Christmas this year, Andy, spluttering orphans and caught death. The way Christmas used to be before it became commercialized. I think it's a good thing, John, that they've kept detaining terrorist suspects to 28 days. Because I've found that if you have a deadline you work to that deadline, you know, what can be done in 40s or days, you should be able to do in 28s. You know, if you just cut out

the time you waste doing things like watching unicycling crocodiles on the internet or trying to perfect the art of solitaire, good, aggressive solitaire. But there is a loophole for the government whereby if those 28 days detention happen to coincide with Wimbledon, then they are allowed to extend it to 42 days because it's a basic, basic British right to watch Wimbledon uninterrupted. It's in the Magnificator. That's fair enough. Yeah, at Home Search, Ujjaki Smith, the toll-dampees, the plans to extend terror detention to 42 days will be dropped. Now, this really can mean one of two things. One, we're in grave danger

now, or two, it wasn't nearly as important as was claimed when they were first trying to ram it down our reluctance throat. So, which is it? Are you in danger of us or were you lying to us? And is there any way that you could be doing both? And I say us, of course, I mean you.

And because I'm protected by US national security. The same US national security team who seems so reluctant to let me back into the country whenever I come here. A Liberal Democrat leader, Nick Clegg, added the decision to prepare emergency legislation instead is merely a fig leaf, which does little to disguise their defeat. A lost confidence in that analogy halfway through Andy. It should have committed and seen it through to the end. It is merely a fig leaf covering up the penis of defeat and the balls of shame which hang and sway behind it. Or indeed the vagina of humiliation.

It's impossible to tell which because of the leaf. You know, that's a problem with the Liberal Democrats. I never really fully commit to something. Also in British News this week, there was a parade of our Olympic heroes in London, John, and what a great day for Britain, that was just two short months after they had been heroes. People were reminded that they had been heroes with this special parade.

And I think the country needed this. It's been a very difficult couple of months since then and really only sports can give us the kind of quantifiable unalguable triumphs that that really to such mass approval and politician can only dream of that level of adulation. I mean Gordon Brown, he could plan absolute blinder at a major global conference. He could save the world economy, cure the environment, rescuers stranded dolphin even from a swimming pool or a tennis court. But if you return home and parade it up and down Whitehall and around Trafalgar Square in an open top bus,

people would probably throw bins at him. That's the difference between sports and politics. Do you remember Andy, when England won the rugby world cup, we went to that parade into Trafalgar Square, really solely to procrastinate from work. And now I wonder how many Nazi parades were full of people doing just that. Just go to show, people will let you do anything if it means that they can not do some work. So what Nuremberg was all about?

Exactly. Did it on a weekday? But it was no fool in that particular capacity. Boris Johnson, the Moronic mayor of London, are referred to British swimmers and sailors during the parade, as achieving the greatest aquatic triumph since Horatio Nelson won the Battle of Trafalgar. What? That is not like with like, that was warfare! And not one died in the skulls, did they? Or did they have cannons on board? Because if they did, I can't believe I missed that. I think naval warfare will be quite a good thing to get into the Olympics.

Yes. Because it's probably done when you watch the sailing and you know we've been angstly one one the gold medal in some kind of boat or other. And but he knows really dull to watch. And it's kind of impossible to tell who's winning or what's going on but if they were far in cannons at each other and they had lots of people leaping over board with eye patches on Then everyone would tune into what's that there is not a single person in the world who would not want to watch a full-scale naval battle instead of yachting Google feature section now this week's feature section is on ringo star and feature section now and this week's feature section is on Ringo Star and Ringo Star does not want to hear from you. He has posted a message on his website demanding that no one

sends him any more fan mail or objects to be autographed. He says he is simply too busy to deal with this stuff and he said it in quite a stroppy way. Here's a little clip. Please do not send fan mail to any address, thank you, and no objects to be signed. Nothing. Charming Gringo. I'm warning you with peace and love that's not a piece of love Andy that's warning people with arrogant and spectacular selfishness good old ringo always amusingly getting his words mixed up if you add up on the average Beatles total lifetime they probably spend around about 3% of their time signing autographs right I would think and also to And also to be fair to Ringo, both Lenon and George Harrison have long since given up signing anything.

So it seems a bit unfair that it's only him and McCartney still have to do it. Well, Andy, I've been inspired by Ringo. I will no longer sign any autographs as myself. What I will do is sign autographs as Ringo Star. I'm going to pick up his slack. Anyone who wants a Ringo Star autograph, please just let me know and I will be happy to sign. I'll even personalise the message. You could email us at the google at timesanline.co.uk and we will email you back.

Just the word to Ringo Star, just from Ringo Star. Brackets, beetle. Brackets. I don't really understand the autograph though. Why ask for an autograph and when I ask Ringo Star for something better as memorabilia than an allegedly scrawled version of his name. And why don't you ask him to send you a fingerprint so you can frame him for crimes he probably didn't commit or swob with a DNA sample from his cheek so you can clone Ringo in your garage.

There was a previous controversial incident when a topiary Ringo star, and that also made my favourite three words put together, was beheaded. After he said he missed nothing about the city of Liverpool, but I think that was less to do with that comment, as it was about the fact that there was a topiary Ringo star. That is, that's tempting to behead Andy. Again, not because it's him, but because it's topiary. If there was a topiary and the salt man I think I'd have to get my shoes out. Some take it. Some take it. No no fence. You'll have to chop your head off before you f***ing chop my head off. Shrub face. A few background facts about Ringo

Star he was of course renowned as one of the finest drummers in the history of the Beatles or so the name Ringo derives from the irregular Latin verb Ringo Ringo-Ryngere Rynxy-Rectum, meaning to beat something arithmically. Your emails now and thank you for all your emails and your birthday greetings to the Bugle on the historic occasion, it's first birthday last week. And also to the heroic Bugle amongst you who claim to have listened to all of the bugles in one sitting. This comes from Eric Dukeer in Columbia, Missouri, who says, I don't know why and I don't know what it says about me, but I listen to all 53 bugles in a row.

Well, there are only 52. I think if you've listened to that, I mean, you've probably lost track of the essence and time. Including this one that hasn't come out yet. 24 hours 39 minutes and 20 seconds of Holties from history, audio cryptic crosswords and enough snooker and cricket jokes to carry me through the rest of my life. You can never have enough snooker and or cricket jokes.

That's not possible to have enough of them. You can have some, you can have a satisfactory amount, you cannot have enough. When it was over, it continues there, I was closer to death, both metaphorically and literally. If they use this tactic at Guantanamo Bay, these wars would be over. That's our contribution to the world. I can't believe we filled an entire day and 24 hours of bugle bullshit. So thank you eric and a couple of others who claimed to have done the same.

Well done, heroes. Heroes for the world. Quick email from Nick Richardson, who says, gentlemen, if Sarah Paling is elected vice president or to any office higher than afforded to a manager of an IHOP, I will kill myself. Did you get that? I will straight up murder myself,

probably with a fire poker. Since early, well, well done, Nick. You've made your feelings on that, absolutely clear. John, on behalf of our non-American listeners, what is an IHOP? It is the International House of Pancakes, Andy. That shouldn't just be an American issue, it's international. All right, sorry. And I hope it does sound like Steve Jobs' new Pogo stick.

Kabul. Thank you. I'm here all week. I had a reassuring email, comes from Sarah Hughes in Dumbass America. That's her words, not mine. And she writes, Andy and John, do not fit. The economy and the world will be in great shape

in a few short weeks. That's a lie, but it could be a fact, very truly, Sarah Hughes. That is comforting, Andy. I think that's basically on the level of what politicians have been saying, But it could be a fact very truly Sarah Hughes. That is comforting, Andy. I think that's basically on the level of what politicians have been saying, as they have speculatively hurled billions and billions and billions of pounds and dollars at the problem. That's pretty much it. She has said more in two sentences than they've said in hundreds of pages of bullshit documents.

And this very moving email comes from Tom Hemings in Bristol in the UK, although his email address describes him as being Stavros Hamster. Usually it's the other way around. People's real name comes up in the address box and they make up a name at the end of their email. Maybe this is what's happened here. Maybe Stavros Hamster is his real name. He's got a board of having a stupid name. So scientists, emails, Tom Hemings. Anyway, Tom Stroke, Stavros Hamster writes, Dear Andy and short-term John Oliver Replacement, this is with reference to the assumption that John will have been killed at the Paling rally. Did that not happen then? Well, it's difficult to say, Andy. I was there on Tuesday at the Paling Rally in Scranton,

Pennsylvania, and whilst I did not physically die, I definitely did die in song. So, I think it still stands. So, what happens at a Paling Rally? Is that like a motorbike rally? Lots of people come along with an old Sarah Paling from the 50s. It is the single most depressing place I've ever been, Andy. It was just lots of old white people who are frightened. They're just scared. They're scared. Over half of the people I spoke to, and I spoke to a lot of them,

believe that Obama is both a Muslim and a terrorist and see no difference between those two things. It was absolutely soul-destroy. So Tom Stroke, Stavros writes, in the light of the tragic events that took place at the Paling Rally, I'd like to offer a humble tribute to the presumed late John Oliver in the form of this poem entitled, Requiem for a Bugleweight. A giant of our times has passed. His wit unmatched. His wisdom vast. Even Groucho Marx did

all his mind, though some did think that John just whined. And though his frame was frail and bent, he said bent. What? What? What? Is neither frail, and he gave off a fearful scent. His fortune with women was unmatched. His trists are horde of bastards hatched. I think history will judge that not to be the case. History and... Unfortunately with women has been the battle of the song. He's suggesting tens of thousands of casualties. Oh, that it could have been Andy and the interstead that pale in support of Thor and Shred. What mate? Rather than Britain's wise son, banished from the Isle of Albion. His remains are a turn home, placed in a shoebox,

packed with foam. And what's left shall be into SpaceHull, a tribute to audio content for a visual world. I mean, that's a fitting tribute to the ex me. Hotties from history now, Anas' approaches the one-year anniversary of the invention of Hotties from history, one of the most significant developments in the history of retrospective sexual attraction. Here are the latest nominations, and this one comes from Kathleen Donovan in San Francisco, California.

In San Francisco during the Gold Rush, an Englishman named Joshua Norton proclaimed himself Emperor of the United States and Protector of Mexico by sending a letter saying as much to the local newspaper. That's a good way of claiming power. Sure it's. Basically how Gordon Brown got in. This by itself is probably not so unusual, especially in San Francisco, except that everybody accepted this proclamation.

He was given a military uniform by the US Army officers, a non-voting seat in Congress and issued his own currency, which was honored in San Francisco. When he died, he was given a large and lavish funeral. Another odd thing is that people in San Francisco love him, especially to this day, and consider him to be a hero. There was even a serious campaign to get the Bay Bridge named after him a few years ago. People in San Francisco love him to this day and consider him a hero. Hot! He sounds really hot, John. I mean, you've got to be pretty hot to declare yourself an emperor of somewhere. And this comes from Stephanie Cohan in Upstate New York, who writes,

in the annals of history, there is but one man with more talent than John and Andy combined. Bold claim. Impossible, you say. This sensuous Serbian, this martial of electricity, this gloved genius, generated 1.21 gigawatts of power. Every time he took to the stage with his flux capacitor, a showcase showdowns, causing his forning victor in crowds to swoon by the millions who had a smile more mysterious than the Mona Lisa or that dot girl with the turban. It was Nicola Tesla. Who made Thomas Edison his bitch Nicola Tesla did. Who son of a beat John Oliver for the title of Double Hill click off champion Nicola Tesla. From me on the grave his accomplishments speak

for themselves. Hot. He got to be really hot to be featured as a character and played by David Bowie in the adequate 2006 film, The Prestige. Do keep your nominations coming in, Buda. Because we are getting very close to the end of the 12-month hot-y from history period. I can't believe we've been struggling this hell for so long. We should make a printable calendar that people can print off for 2009 from the website. So we can all have physical hotty from history calendars for 2009. Three D for Queen Victoria.

It's the only way to fully appreciate the lady. Stop it. So Ducy, Riemels and Hossies coming in to the Bugal at TimesOnline.co.uk and do visits the web page which has links to the bugle column from the print edition of the Times News Paper. Sport news now and we were going to do a world series preview of this point but unfortunately we don't know who's going to be in it yet after the spectacular Boston comeback against Tampa Bay last night we were recording this on the Friday. So it's gonna be the Phillies against either the Tampa Bay race or the Boston Red Sox.

John, it's pretty half of me to decide who does the point this, but I think I'm gonna have to go and say that I hope the race win because I'm a course tickler for language and both the Phillies and the Red Sox have got spelling mistakes in their names. Well, more and you should be supporting me because I can't be the fillies because they're in the same division as the Metz and I like the Metz.

Right. And it can't be the Red Sox for obvious reasons. It was a phenomenal game last night though between the Red Sox and Tampa Bay. And incredible comeback from the Red Sox. And my favourite moment in this astonishing example of sport was as one home run was hit. It landed in the stands very near to a fan it was holding up a sign which simply read I like baseball there is such a wonderful non-partisan simplicity to that you want to say I want to say that I like

baseball because I do I really like it so if there's you don't follow baseball of our listeners around the world, the Phillies, they're so cool because the club was initially founded as a polo club for Lady Horthes. The Tampa Bay Rays began as a touring team of Ray Charles impersonators. And the Boston Red Sox are so cool because when they were founded in 1901, they were a team of workers from the local Abertoir who would go to play straight from work where they weren't allowed to wear shoes. There's football news as well. This week, and that news is that England have won the 2010 World Cup.

After thrashing Kazakhstan last week, they disposed of Belarus in quite clinical fashion this week. And John, I know he shouldn't get carried away, but we've basically won the World Cup already. I just can't see any other nation, must or save everyone's money, just have the parade through London now. any other nation, must or save everyone's money, just have to parade through London now. I think, I think it's what's clear is that all England fans are basically bipolar. We're either very excited or very depressed and we need medicating or counselling. Well John, you look at the evidence though, name one other country in the world that beat Belarus 3-1 away from home this week. Good point. You can't do that. We are the best team in the world. We've got a best record in Europe.

Argentina lost. Brazil drew it home with Colombia. We've basically won the World Cup. I'm going to have to get a really enormous flag. Just time now for a final bugle forecast. John, I'm going to Paris for the weekend. Oh, nice. With my wife. Yeah, it's our last weekend of freedom before baby number two arrives in December. We're leaving

here. Yeah. I'll daughter with my mother. And I don't know, we're basically getting the train out on Saturday morning and we're getting the train back on Sunday evening. How many meals do you think we're going to be able to fit in to that time? It's definitely double figures. I'm going to go with 14. 14? That's a challenge. So you're shooting breakfast lunch and supper every day, that's taken as well.

So that's your basic six. Yeah, but you're going to go early morning snack, breakfast, brunch, lunch, a pre- breakfast meal. That's a big thought. You're eating on the way down to breakfast, right? So you've got breakfast. Right. So you've got breakfast. Yeah, then brunch.

Then you want something around about just off the midday to tie you over to lunch. So I probably just have a steak and chips and all kinds of. Then you have your full three to four quarter lunch. Then you're looking at an early tea late afternoon about five o'clock, you're probably wanting to have from the pretty substantial. And then dinner that's so big that it basically counts as two meals in one. Yeah, and then probably a snack like not snack as well.

And then a midnight feast. Midnight feast. And then you wake up in the middle of the night and get in room service. So I think it's possible, it's possible. We'll give it a go. 14, report back to you next week. I'll buy the spread at 14.

So goodbye from me. I'll be back slightly, Tell me your next week. Bye Bye