The Bugle - Karadzic's Scooby Doo disguise

Episode Date: July 27, 2008

The 38th ever Bugle podcast, from 2008. Written and presented by Andy Zaltzman and John OliverThis is a classic episode from The Bugle, to support us, and to keep the Bugle alive and free of ads, please visit http://thebuglepodcast.com/ Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Dancelaguard fans, you will be thrilled to know a book is coming out if you fund it via Unbound. We are publishing the Dancelaguard Reader by Alice Fraser and Dancelaguard, a glorious insight into the world of Dancelaguard, self-published romance maven, and online bestseller. If you would like to find out how to support it, go to thebugelpodcast.com. If we get enough support, we will publish the book. That's a real thing that's going to happen. Thebugelpodcast.com to support the Danciler Guard Reader. A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A- Audio News Paper for a Visual World Hello, Bughlers, and welcome to issue 38 of the Bughal, the world's greatest audio newspaper for a visual world for the week-beating Monday, the 28th of July 2008, which means that the day, the year, and the addition number of a Bughal all end in 8, which means that

the world is 23% certain to end this week. Sorry, that is clearly partly our fault. I'm Andy Zoltzmann in the beautiful city of London and in New York City it's Mr John Oliver. Hello, Buggers. Hello, Andy. How are you doing? I'm okay, thanks, John. I had a slightly awkward encounter a few days ago with Will Ferrell. I only saw the show. He was he was a guest on the Daily Show and as he's walking down the corridor to go on I can see he was wearing a Chelsea shirt. Right. And I've met him before but I certainly don't know him and as the interview was going on All I can feel was this rage swelling up in my stomach and after he came over to say hello and I said to him Oh, so, uh, you support Chelsea then and he said, I don't know. I just I just like soccer in general

I haven't really chosen a team yet. I found myself saying, well, you have now, Will. You've chosen Ferrell and you've chosen badly, and now you have to live with that choice. Well, it's strange to say to someone who is in a very different tax bracket than me. It looks slightly concerned. I could feel the who-looking in me coming out. It is Monday 28th of July this week which means that's yesterday Sunday the 27th was National Sleepy Head Day in Finland and was the laziest person in the house is traditionally thrown into a lake and John to me this is

the problem when a country has too many lakes they look for flash things to do with them. This discrimination against the laziest the 21st century's version of the persecution of the early Christians by the Lions. It's got to stop. I wasn't by the Lions, Andy. The Lions were just following orders there. As always, some sections of the Vueg will go straight in the bin. This week, a special Vuegle forgery section, how to pass off a brand new sofa as an 18th century shades long that once belonged to dead French Queen Marianne Twannette. It's amazing what you can do with a couple of baguettes and a dead alligator. Also how to fake the early works of the great masters.

Remember even Rembrandt drew Stickman when he was a nipper and his first self-portrait is basically just a circle with two dots for eyes. Also in the bin a free bugle audio direction to help you find your way around town. This week left here next week we'll be giving you right at the next set of lights then first left. ["The Last of Us"] ["The Last of Us"] ["The Last of Us"]

["The Last of Us"] ["The Last of Us"] Top story this week, Radavan Cariditch. There was big news from the old world this week when it was revealed that ex-Bosnian servile leader and warlord, Radavan Caraditch, have been captured. And warlord has to be one of the coolest, or be it morally reprehensible, sounding job titles available. Either that or warlock. I think I wanted to be a warlock when I was a little Andy until I realised the amount of paperwork that was involved.

I just loved the idea of riding a pitchfork. You were a pretty good warlord in your time back in Britain before you were hounded out of the country. Yeah, that's a part of my life that I don't like to dwell upon now Andy. I did what I did. General Gretrian. Well, I can say there's a streets of South London, a lot more relaxed since you left. Yeah, relaxed, but a little more unruly.

I ruled with an iron foot. So, Caraditch was the most wanted war criminal in Europe and was responsible for tens of thousands of deaths and has been on the run for 13 years. Now, Richard Holbrook, the US diplomat, tried to explain his significance as a figure to Americans by saying, this is a historic day, one of the worst men in the world, the Assama Bin Laden of Europe has finally been captured. Here's a thing, Holbrook, I think you'll find that Bin Laden, if you some have been the Garden of Europe, he's pretty much the Bin Laden of everywhere.

When you've committed terror attacks on that scale, I think you've earned the right to be the touchstone by which other assholes are judged. Holbrook also described Karajic as a major thug. It does seem that the Hey Warcromb Tribunal might rule that to be something of an understatement. So where has this internationally renowned douchebag been hiding all this time, Andy? It must be somewhere pretty impressive to have voted capture for over a decade.

Was it in a cave? An underground bunker? Maybe inside an invisibility cloak? No, none of those. Instead, this modern day scarlet pinpunnel chose the master disguise of becoming a bearded new age doctor and practicing medicine under a false name in Belgrade. That was it. His plans to avoid capture was just to grow a beard and hope for the best. Come on, that's not even Scooby Doo standard.

When they caught him, he was heard to be screaming, oh, it had gone away with it too, if it wasn't for that pesky war crimes tribunal. Yeah, Carragist apparently has become a self-proclaimed expert in human quantum energy, which is a bit of a sideways career move from genocide, maybe he's learned his lesson. But perhaps that means he would have liked to use the quantum energy power chip golf glove, which accords to its own website, can really improve your driving as well as your short game and your ability to order ethnic cleansing. It does seem from Carriedage's example that there is no better place to hide than directly

under the nose of the authorities dressed up like an off-Jewtie Santa Claus. So since 95 he's been renting an apartment in Belgrade and using the name Dragon Dabbage and he's been making a living practicing alternative medicine and pretty alternative seeing as his specialist area was mass genocide. You just don't get that in mainstream medicine Andy. This is very good news basically unless I guess you're a Serbian nationalist musical writer and you were just putting the finishing touches to the score for your hit new stage show, Radavann, What a Man.

In which case, I guess you'd be pretty pissed off and have to write a new ending. But for everyone else in the world, it is a good news. And he's apparently going to defend himself. Good idea. Because I think what history shows us is that there's one thing that genocidal desps

but generally don't lack. And that is self-confidence. Arguably, they have it to excess. And this is part of the problem. Always entertaining. You stick a desk butt on a witness stand, and the fireworks will flow. Well, it's great to just go, perhaps this is just,

is skate planning, just gonna put on a false mustache in glasses, and then just walk free out of the courtroom. It's perhaps been linked to the new Serbian government, which took power a couple of weeks ago, and apparently wants to get a place in the EU. And it just shows what an incredibly powerful continent's Europe is, John. Yes. That's when a membership of EU is up for grabs, then basically anything goes. And I think maybe looking at this, if we really

want a peaceful world, we should offer Alcoida a place in the European Union. Because they're reckon if we did, they'd probably have been lard in the post by sundown if they thought they could get some decent agricultural subsidies out of us. Either that or if we learn one thing from this is that if we want to find bin Laden we should start checking acupuncturists in the Washington DC area. It's possible that he's been selling a Roma therapy candles for the last year out of his own shopping filly. Carriedish's lawyer expressed disappointment and complaint about the way in which his client was arrested. He said, people showed him a police badge and then he was taken to some place

and kept in the room. And that is absolutely against the law, what they did. Now, it does seem a little bit petty, John, for someone who is basically going to spend the foreseeable future watching videos in the hagg and saying, yes, I suppose that is me and that one as well. It does seem a bit petty. For someone who I guess most people would agree has really

overstep the mark legally with his mass killing foible. But then to turn around and have a go at the police on a matter of technical procedure, it just seems a little rich. It's all the wonderful details of this story. The one that trumps the whole bunch is the revelation that he also had a bi monthly column in healthy life magazine. Let me run that boy you again as it can be difficult to take in the first time. A man charged with ethnic cleansing worked for Healthy Life magazine. Although to be fair, they as a publication have always been a safe haven for despots.

If you are a mean once had a column writing about earwax candles? And there is still a letters page to this day called Ask McGarby. For those who don't know a lot about Radavan Carriageitch, here is a Carriageitch Fact Box. Radavan Carriageitch is an award-winning poet, an expert in psychiatry and alternative medicine, a qualified fugitive, and a convicted embezzler. But it seems now that he will probably be best remembered for genocide and human rights violations.

Carriageage presented a game show called Radavan's Carrot Tips on Yugoslavian state television in the 1970s, in which he advised housewives how best to use carrots in traditional Slavic stews, salads, and carrot cakes, all with a subtext of Bosnian Serb nationalism. Carriageage sometimes thinks that he might have been really good at baseball, but he never actually played. But he thinks that if he had played, he'd probably been a useful third-base man and modeled his batting style on Mickey Mantle. But Boston Red Sox manager Terry Francona thinks that Carriage it might have made a better

shortstop and would be better off concentrating on getting on base rather than going for the big glory shots. Ironically, Francona's father was called Tito, also the name of Tito, the former leader of Yugoslavia, who ironically managed to keep a lid on the kind of nationalism from which Carriageage ultimately made his name. That's just one of life's little quirks. Terry Francois incidentally thinks that the Bosnian war was bad, and wishes everyone could have sorted out peacefully.

Rad of Anne Carriageage thinks the Red Tox aren't quite the force they were last year, it seems those two will never get along. Other news now and President Bush and Wall Street, Bush who will not be President for much longer just to hang in there. Everyone, it's not too long now. In fact, think of it this way, children can see now will be born into a world where he is not leader of the free world. There's a lot we thought. Actually, that's interesting, because I've got my second child, due out of December 19th.

Oh, no. So he's gone. Oh, no. His or her first month will be blighted by the continuing dying embers of a bush era. Can he or she not, can you not just convince them to just stay in a little longer? Yeah, I can't even compromise with the American political system. Maybe they can bring the inauguration forward a couple of weeks and we can... Yeah, meet your halfway.

Bush was caught saying something really quite unpleasant at a fundraiser when addressing a room full of people after he asked for the cameras to be turned off. But here's the thing, and if anyone says, and can we turn the cameras off of this, the very last thing that you want to do is turn off your camera. If anything, you want to turn another backup camera on.

And maybe have someone capture in the moment in watercolour as well, because something good is on its way. He talked about the economy in Glib and eventually incomprehensible terms, saying, there's no question about it. Wall Street got drunk. That's one of the reasons I asked you to turn off the TV cameras. It got drunk and now it's got a hangover. The question is how long will it sober up and not try to do all these fancy financial instruments?

That's not what Andy makes no sense. Now he has been consistently mocked for his speaking style but that is taking it to a whole nother level. I definitely know what he's trying to say there. To be fair, I get the implication, but he ends up sounding more like a Lewis Carroll nonsense poem. Later on in the video, he starts ranting, Beware the Jabberwock my son, the jaws that bite, the claws that catch, Beware the Jew jump bird and shun the frumias bandus snatch. I think it's a bit harsh though, John, for everyone to be so critical of Bush. To slam a guy for a few little words he may or may not have said, or in this case, did actually say.

In the privacy of a political fundraising event. Because we live in a cynical age, John, and like a German research scientist, looking at x-ray scans of people stomachs in an investigation using Bering-coated sausages to see how the digestive system works. We do tend to see the worst in people. Oh, let's take a moment's silence now, just so that Andy can think about what he did with that joke. That was a long walk to a labored punchline. I know, I prefer to think of it as a kind of sevy ballasteroidal skull fold. That was a long walk to a labored bunch life.

I know, I prefer to think of it as a kind of savvy ballersteros goalfold. You know, I might have hit the drive-ins of the car park, but I pulled off a great shot onto the grid and I've ended up with a solid tar. But I think we live in a cynical age and I've had enough of the cynicism, John. I think it's time to take President Bush at face value for once, just because he and the truth

have had a bit of a stormy, distant relationship over the years. I'm going to give the leader of the free world some credit and assume that he was just telling us the bold truth. And in fact, it is the most logical explanation for the world's financial crisis that Wall Street did actually just get a drunk. Because how else could you explain so many of the world's leading economic brains conspiring to screw up the entire world economy through idiotic schemes like lending lots of money to people with no money. That's the thing, if Wall Street did get drunk Andy, who's fault would that be our wonder? Would it have been anything to do with the drink specials that bartenders Bush and

Choney were ramming down their throats, encouraging them to do fiscal body shots and looking the other way as they balanced on their head and drained a financial keg. Even this crash analogy is an understatement because Wall Street not only got hammered, it also snorted an unfeasible amount of cocaine, threw up in someone's garden and screamed something racist at the cab driver on the way home. Wall Street is a bad drunk Andy because it is not a pleasant person. But something even worse actually happened later on. He was making light at the foreclosure

crisis saying, and then we've got a housing issue as well, not in Houston and evidently not in Dallas because Laura's over there trying to buy a house right now to peels of great laughter. And there he is, and he really know funny piece of material, is stuff on people losing their houses. He, especially when it comes from the mouth of someone who was mainly responsible for it. Moving on from the current president to the future one, and Barra Khabarma has been wowing the famous old continent of Europe, which of course is the continent that's given the world political leaders such as King Zogav Albania, Gerald Batliner, the former regarung

chef of Lisztinstein, and Hannah Spirit, former leader of the pop group, from Come Fascist Political Organization, S-Club7. But Obama said that sometimes America and Europe have drifted apart, most notably of course, over the divisive issue of Iraq and also to use the movements of the world's tectonic plates over several hundred millions of years of divisive prehistory. So Willa Barmaj on set in motion a shunt of the US back towards its true Euro-African origins and move the Earth's crust. I mean, we know this man has a lot of influence over people with his formidable rhetorical skills, but can

he persuade the earth to reverse its last couple of billion years? Well, he's elevated rhetoric and he is truly inspirational and well, if plate tectonics can't feel that then they really have no heart whatsoever. What interested me John was the difference in coverage between Obama and McCain who also I think came to Europe and non-quite-knowledge because there's no actual TV footage of it. But apparently he was giving a speech yesterday that was interrupted by one TV network to report on the rescue of a bear cub in California. That shows the difference in media treatment of the two cameras. That's true. That shows the difference in media treatment of the two candidates. That's true. That's true.

Exploiting African natural resources news now, and apparently the Saharan Sun could provide all of Europe's electricity. A huge £35billion super grid in the Saharan Desert could give Europe all the power it needs by the middle of the century. The plans been backed by Gordon Brown and Sarah Cozzy. Presumably also this could also power most of Africa as well but that's by the by because that sun belongs to us John. We discovered the sun. Africa is lucky that we have leased it to them to heat up their deserts. Yeah talking of

which they always quite a lot of rent for that sun that's been shining on them but no we'll talk about that later when they got back on their feet. And it's good news, well, I think from the Sahara's point of view, because frankly, it's about time it got off its fat sandy arson, did something useful for the planet. The the solar-powered field would be an area slightly smaller than Wales, and either apparently need just 0.3% of the like, the fell on the Sahara in the Middle East to power the whole of Europe's energy needs. And the Sahara gets a lot of sunlight, Andy, and very intense sunlight. So would this make the Sahara

now the richest region on Earth? Because if the future means that the more sunlight you get the richer you are, that bad news for Britain, Andy, we're going to be down at the bottom of that table, keeping Norway company. Some people aren't in favour of this. People have gone to all this effort to ensure access to oil. We owe it to everyone who have given their lives in these conflicts, not to just cave in at the first sign of alternative energy, it's being genuinely viable on a global scale. So we have to be strong in the face of threats like this to our oil-based economy, John.

Other green technology and developments include attempting to harness the power of sexual tension, because let's remember there are a lot of teenage boys in the world, and also quite a lot of female French teachers. And we just need to hook those two up to a generator and watch the sparks fly, albeit only in one direction. Also, another green technology is a giant treadmill in Africa for migrating wildebeest to run over. That apparently could generate enough power to send Argentina into space and back again. And also they are trying to harness the power of swearing. And in my house I reckon that

could probably keep us going for the next 50 years. next 50 years. Bugle Feature Section now and a relationship section. Tomorrow Tuesday will be 27 years to the second since Prince Charles and Princess Diana TM got married. Uniting and warring houses of Windsor and Spencer and ushering in a new era of peace for war-torn Britain. Of course, it didn't quite work out quite as well as the commemorative cup and sources would have you believe. But that's often the way John with the relationships like this, let's not forget Prince Charming and Cinderella.

That didn't work out too well either, once the excitement of the wedding was over and it was down to the daily grind of married life. Charming increasingly found the powerless ceremonial duties of a modern Royalty, both twice and invacuous. Although Cinderella looked damn hot in a ball gown, her working-class route soon shone through embarrassingly on major state occasions. She was wont to making lured comments to foreign dignitaries and dancing over enthusiastically whenever the Royal band started playing, I will survive. Charming descended into alcoholism and depression as the magic of their early courtship wore off and he soon resulted to teasing his poorly educated wife about being rubbish at scrabble

and undermining her fragile self-confidence by telling her that, as the years went by, she looked more and more like her sisters. Cinderella sought comfort in the arms of a pumpkin who'd been turned into a tennis coach. And once the inevitable divorce was finalised, both had become characters of ridicule in the gut of press. Cinderella ended up selling cheap jewelry on a cable shopping channel. And King Charming, as he now was, presided over the final days of an outdated monarchy before living out his life in exile and bitterness,

trying to seduce remaining waitresses on a cruise ship. So to mark this anniversary, a special bugle relationship section. Andy, you're the new brother's groom. Your children are so lucky to have such a wizard of the fairy tale ringing to them at night. I tell it like it is. Now sleep well kids, why are you staring at the ceiling?

And relationship of the week, John, of course, is where else to start, but with the Darwin's the famous fake canoe death couple who have been sentenced to over six years in jail each for their part in the fraud. So has it been big in America, John? It's not, and you may need to slightly give Americans the background to this absolutely ludicrous story. Yeah, basically, it's about six years ago now, Mr. and Mrs. Darwin cooked up a plan whereby he would fake his own death in a canoeing accident, and basically they would claim his life insurance

and various other benefits. He then lived in secrecy through a secret door at the back of their house for several years whilst their two sons thought he was dead and then they moved to Panama. I know I have a deserved reputation for lying John, but this is all fact. He's often referred to as back from the dead Canoist and that really is an amazing title to have for yourself. However, illegally it was obtained. Back from the Dead Canoist. It's a heck of a nice breaker.

I cannot introduce you to John. You may know him as the Back from the Dead Canoist. Oh, that sounds fascinating. How did you get that name? Well, long story short, I was a Cano, I died, and now I'm back. Part of the olives. That was how Jesus was known in the first year after the boil. I think what this proves, this story about the Darwin's though, is that if you fake your

own death in order to scam insurance and benefits and then live in secrecy for several years, whilst your children think that you're dead, they've moved to a new continent to take advantage of your ill-gotten gains and then pitch about other blue pretending to have amnesia, it does put quite a lot of strain on your family relationships. Who's isn't disappointing at Scuse-Though when he turned up and claimed that he had amnesia. He could have at least turned up in his canoe claiming to have discovered a new continent. That's basically what Columbus did and he got away with it. He's a hero nowadays. Well, I don't believe it when anyone dies now? I'm half expecting the Queen Mother to picture.

Well, the sunset I'm fine. I've just been running a motorcycle gang in Kent. Bugal relationship advice now. And one, if you're going through financial difficulties with your partner, don't fake your own death and rip apart your entire family. Two, if you're a high profile man and enjoy the benefits of a warm, long and successful marriage,

try not to get filmed partaking in a sadomasochistic orgy that has then plotted all over the world's media, revealing a secret side to your sexuality that you've kept secret from your partner for over 50 years. And finally, any relationship relies on respects. If you're having a minor squabble with your partner about a matter of sporting trivia, do not, when proved right, react with excessive triumphalism, thumping your chest and ulyulating before parading around the kitchen shouting, stick that one in your pipe and tell it where to stick itself,

and making yourself a giant silver trophy, which you then cuddle up to in bed every night. Take that one from me. Your emails now and this one comes from Joel Oliver, who writes Hello, Andean John in order of hilarity. Oh, come on. There's no need to divide us. Well, he doesn't say what order, where that's ascending or descending.

So he's basically insulted both of us. Greetings from Australia. John, you may be interested to learn that I have an ancestor named John Oliver. As I learned of the deeds of my several great grandfather, I came to a startling conclusion that you, John, share a very distinctive characteristic with him. John Oliver, the other one, was captain of a sales ship that arrived in Melbourne, Australia in the 1860s.

Oh boy, what was he sailing there? It was probably people. It was probably your criminal ancestors, sorry, Gary on Andy. Upon hearing of the fortunes found in the Victorian goldfields, captain Oliver's crew abandoned the ship and fled to Western Victoria to try their luck looking for shiny things. This is where the similarity was unsurface. After his crew left him, John Oliver decided to abandon his post and seek a quick pile of money in a place that seemed to be abundant in opportunity. You, John Oliver, have abandoned your post, have abandoned your country to seek fortune in the goldfields that is show business in America.

Let me tell you, I found very little gold in that field. Now I'm not a lover of England being born in Australia. However, this does not dampen my outrage at your traitorous behaviour towards the country that accidentally jettisoned their best and brighter citizens to an island that the Dutch tripped over on the way to a house party. You are disgraced your name, John Oliver, your heritage and to the glorious man, you are privileged, I like this bit, to share the glory that is the bugle with.

I propose that the bugle's name be changed to, the bugle brought to you by Andy Zoltzmann and another person for shame, John Oliver, for shame. That is both barrels, isn't it? Yep. I don't know if there's any fugal listeners who are called Zoltzmann out there. I'd imagine that other than my immediate family. I'd imagine that might be more. I'm not sure they're regular listeners.

Imagine that might have been more had we started this podcast in the 1930s. A great holly from history, novelties near from Nicole Valentino. Dear John and Andy, it took a lot of thinking, but I finally came up with my vote for Hottie from History. Hatch put the queen, who would be king. Something about Androgyne just plain turns me on. Me too, Nicole. Me too. This feisty female Pharaoh was the fifth Pharaoh, say that three times fast, of the 18th dynasty

of ancient Egypt. She's generally regarded by Egyptologist as one of the most successful Pharaohs, raining longer than any other woman of an indigenous Egyptian dynasty to quote Paris Hilton, that heart. The sexified hat-sput assumed a position of Pharaoh and her reign as king is usually given as 22 years. The other most famous female Pharaoh was the infamous Cleopatra, another hottie, but her general sluttiness solace her reputation enough to even be

considered as a bona fide hottie from history. Good argument. Good argument. What a luck about this is a really rounded pitch for Hottie from history. Hatchputt illustrious career included a married to her half-brother Thutth Mose, the second who was considered a god, not bad. She also re-established disputed trade networks over some naval expeditions in an attempted diplomacy and healthy foreign relations.

Keep it going. It was also so half-fingled, I'm feeling a bit ill Andy, was also, don't make those noises. Was it also one of the most prolific builders in ancient Egypt? I'll talk me some higher glyphs. She even has her own room at the Met Museum of Art in New York City. Let's see Florence Nightingale climb that.

Oh, that was a disappointing night. It was a lovely email and all of a sudden you have to make it slag off Nightingale, the original hotty from history. She just waked for the climax here in every sense of the words Although cats cans of her momified remains indicate that she had arthritis bad teeth and diabetes before she died a 50 years young You and the have a type I still think that That has the queen who would be king is definitely a historical hotty, or indeed even a hotty from history.

Well done, Nicole V, that is a very strong nomination. Oh no, I'm gonna have a bath. Oh, I'm sorry. Sorry, I'm gonna have a bath. I was just gonna see if there's any existing images on the internet for, let's see. Oh yeah! existing images on the internet. Let's see. Oh, yeah! She looks good in stone.

That's all I'm saying. Oh dear. Unfortunately, I have just found a picture of her mother's hydrovates. To be fair, she probably looks good for her age. And another hot inomination comes from Ash Dunn in Manchester, UK, the real one he writes, not that poxy ripoff in New Hampshire.

Salutations, Chaps. That's a superb British beginning to her missing. Salutations back to you, Ash. I would like to venture forth my nomination for Holes from History. Marie Curie, a seriously saucy science seductress, who must have been quite the between the sheep shoestopper. Oh, yeah! And the gorse on this Randy researcher's career, she was exposed to so much radiation that

she eventually died of a plastic anemia. Wow, what wouldn't she do? It would be the ultimate bargaining chip in the laboratory of love. Come on baby, I know it might sting to do this, you know not as much as radiation sickness remember the safe word is Pallonium. Radioactively hot. Turns out me and Mary Curey have one thing in common at least. So do keep your emails and hotties from history nominations. Flooding in to the bugle at times online dot com dot uk uh... sport now and uh... olympic news china has said that it will allow protest and

demonstrators during the olympics the only stipulation being that it will only be in three designated areas and the is one of those designated areas the back of a police man and is that incredibly similar to the other two designated areas? And in other Olympics news, the Iraqi athletes have just been banned from the Olympic Games. Well, Andy, that is great news from America. Just when they thought they could have the much needed photo op of Iraqi athletes parading happily around the opening ceremony, they're left with different soundboots, such as this one from a female Iraqi sprinter who said, well, I guess I can compete in 2012,

but the way my country is going at the moment, I don't know if I'll be a life boy then. Well, that is a different piece of PR than her wandering around, smiling and waving a flag. Paul, it's not just been a tough few years for Iraq, you know, and now that is another quintessentially British under State Barandhi. It has been tough. Cricket now, and following the England selectors' surprise choice of Australian Ruford DARREN Pattinson to play against South Africa in the second test match, large on the ground that he looked like a strapping lad in a decent bloke, they have now turned their attention to

the Philadelphia Phillies, all- star second baseman Chase Utley. The chairman of selectors Jeff Miller said, Utley's never played cricket as far as I'm aware, but he's a winner and he's in form. Utley is set to replace out-of-form wicketkeeper Tim Ambrose. Miller said that Utley is used to playing with one glove, so he should be even better with two. Meanwhile, Bollard Jimi Anderson is set to be rested for the next test match in Birmingham and replaced with a World War II QF-25 Pounder Howitzer. Miller commented, Jimmy's knackered and we

need someone who can blast a few holes in the South African batting lineup. The QF-25 Pounder has proved itself on the international stage and we're confident that the South African batsmen are less confident against heavy artillery than they are against human bowlers. We also know that their captain Graham Smith is scared of sharks, so we're also including Jemima, the hammerhead shark from the London Aquarium, in our matchday squad. And finally, for this week, the Bugle Forecast. This week, I am heading up to Edinburgh for the Edinburgh Festival, where I'm playing a friendly Bugle list and soon I'll be passing through at the stand in the afternoon, to 40. And hosting political animal show,

The Underbelly, to come along. I was really nervous. I was selling things at the end of the bugle. Yeah, yeah. It's the Advert section. This is the Advert section. In which case, can I say how much I enjoy Pringles? So, except I don't.

I don't enjoy them at all. I find them a really bland snack. And the forecast this week is for my first show on Thursday, will I have finished writing it in time? John, what do you think? Andy, I mean, I would say it's more likely for a tornado to hit Stretem and to physically carry you up to Edinburgh, placing you carefully down into your flat.

So, I mean, that is the long way of saying, I don't think it's going to be really handy. But what are you basing that on? I'm basing that on past experience. And also on the kind of trembling tone of your voice. Well, what is your prediction? My prediction is it will be absolutely pin-sharp and ready to go. Well, good luck, Andy thanks good luck. No sorry I wasn't saying good luck yet I was saying good luck to the first audience of that show. Good luck. So do Jonas next week where I will

be in Edinburgh at the festival and Jon will still be in New York. Bye. Bye. Bye! Bye!