The Bugle - Lock Up Your Sons! (4241)

Episode Date: September 28, 2022

Well you can't spell Ukraine without N, U, K and E, so we have a look at the latest actions from the descendent of Ras Putin. Also, Britain tanks it's economy, Italy tries out Fascism and NASA fire a rocket at a rock.Our 15th Birthday Special Tour is coming to the UK and Ireland this year: https://www.thebuglepodcast.com/liveThere's no ads in this show, thanks to you! Cast some cents and pennies our way: https://www.thebuglepodcast.com/donateThis episode was written and presented byAndy ZaltzmanAditi MittalChris AddisonAnd produced by Chris Skinner Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Dancelaguard fans, you will be thrilled to know a book is coming out if you fund it via Unbound. We are publishing the Dancelaguard Reader by Alice Fraser and Dancelaguard, a glorious insight into the world of Dancelaguard, self-published romance maven, and online bestseller. If you would like to find out how to support it, go to thebugelpodcast.com. If we get enough support, we will publish the book. That's a real thing that's going to happen. Thebugelpodcast.com to a real thing that's going to happen. TheBuglePodcast.com to support the Danciler Guard Reader. Before we start this week's Bugle, a quick note that we did have a slight technical issue

with the audio from one of the contributors to this show. We do hope it does not hamper your enjoyment of the show too much. Hello, Buglers, and welcome to issue 4241 of the Bugle,241 episodes if you ignore the 3,700 plus that we missed out of pure unadulterated facturativity from the very heart of this solar system. I am Andy Zoltzman. Coming to you live, albeit live only in the sense that you are listening to it right now in your time, at least from London, the city where the new King King Charles has stamped his authority on the nation with a brutal campaign of repression and intimidation In which he has burned down Parliament in prison the entire government and announced full supreme executive power

For him to I'm just hearing that has not actually happened Shame had my hopes up there not obviously what I would want to happen just a bit of an improvement on what is happening Anyway, oh my go joining me to assess the latest muleings and pukings of our still young human civilization Let's stop being some patient of our failures We only had only have the keys to this planet for around 10,000 odd years the dinosaurs had tens of millions And I couldn't even crack the f***ing code from joining me from the leafy spurts blender of bromley southeastern It's the man tip to be the new James Bond Or be it only being tips to be the new James Bond during this sentence. It's Chris Addison.

Hello Andy. Hello, hello, Budelas. It's lovely to be Budeling. To be honest with you, it's just nice to get a bit of a break. I've been writing my Liz Trust musical, the book of Maureen. I've got a few songs already. There's I am 16 going on 17 IQ. Sit down, you're dropping the vote. The impossible dream. There's no business like show business. Sorry, sorry, Andy that's wrong. That should just be there's no business. There's also everything goes and the act one finale scene where she re-shuffles her cabinet, which is just a cover of sending the clowns. So it's pleasant to be doing something else.

Well that's good, I look forward to seeing that. And joining us from Mumbai, India, let me just quickly check the traffic reports from India, it's busy on the roads and it looks like it's going to remain that way until 6,000 years from now. Anyway from Mumbai, it's a DT Mithal. A DT welcome to the Bugle again. Thank you so much for having me Andy. I am I am so excited to be here. I actually just want to do a special shout out to Erin. You know who is a bugle who

came from my last show in Amsterdam a couple of months ago and she was not feeling well because she has long COVID. And so she was resting in my dressing room. And after the show, I went up to her and initiated, a very long chat with her to the point that she got breathless again. I would like to apologize to Erin. And just to all of you, viewers who have this thing today,

usually Andy gives me a two day notice and I educate myself about what's happening in the world and then try to be thoughtful about it and stuff like that. And we had one day notice this time, so this is basically unsubstantiated nihilism that's going to come from me. I have no idea what's going on but I'm confident about it. Oh that's alright. Unsubstantiated nihilism is actually quite often enough to get you voted into power, let alone to just to do a podcast. We are recording on the 27th of September, 2022. To mark this date we have a special 27th of September themed quiz. Answer these questions and win a trip in the Bugle Time Machine to the 27th of September themed quiz. Answer these questions and win a trip in the

Bugle Time Machine to the 27th of September of your choosing, past, present or future price subject to a successful completion of Time Machine. Question one, on what date in the year 1066 did William V. Conqueror that's about THEEE, apparently, distancing to that and decedent of Megan V. Stallion? Did he set sail to to the antecedent of Meghan the Eestallian. Did he set sail to cross the channel at the start of the Norman Conquest of England? Question 2 on what day in 1777 did Lancaster, Pennsylvania become the capital of the USA for one single day after Congress hot-footed it from Philadelphia in between the 26th and 28th of September?

And question 3, which of the following dates is the odd one out? The 27th of September 1867, the 27th of September 1291, the 27th of September 1584, or the 13th of April 1953. Pensdown. And your answers, question one, it was the 27th of September in 1066 that when you the conqueror led the storm in Norman to cross what was then known as the sea to land on the south coast of England a couple of weeks later their beat King Harald's army taken advantage of the fact that well the Normans had had a by-week while big Harold was getting clanky and cranky with the Vikings in Yorkshire William the conqueror then claimed the throne of England and his continental influence

remained until we finally voted the Normans out 950 years later in the referendum of 2016. Question 2, the answer was 27th of September, 1777, Lancaster was the capital of the USA for a day scheme which could be set for an exciting 21st century reboot, with the capital of America set to be shared amongst 365 different places a year, just to try and calm the f***ing place down. And question 3, the odd one out was the 13th of April

1953 it's nothing to do with it not being the only one that wasn't the 27th of September But it's the only date on which CIA director Alan Dulles launched project MK ultra an illegal mind control-based human experiment involving drugs electric shocks Century deprivation and other forms of physical and psychological abuse. That's what really marks it out from the other three dates. Isn't America fun? You may be saying that's a bad thing, but then they named an airport after him, Andy. So, that's what... Torture is the best way to get an airport named after you. Which begs the question, what was John Lennon really up to?

I think technically they named the airport after his brother. But the point is that... Did they? Yeah, they did. Yeah. You can't prove it though. I think technically they named their airport after his brother, but the poichstabs. Did they? Yeah, they did. You can't prove it though. It's just called Dolace Airport, maybe it's both of them. It could be. Yeah, and they do have a mind control electric shock room that you can go in there.

Yes, it's next to the quiet room, which is a terrible piece of planning. As always, a sectionEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP you with a sound effect more soothing than reality itself every week from now until everything is fine. Simply play this week sound effect on a loop and you should not feel more relaxed to calm and equanimitous than if you were simply watching listening to all reading the news. Here is your free sound effect. So if you could put in some kind of industrial machinery drilling just kind of clanking metal animal mayhem and like a an alarm going off. And for what duration would you like this to play Andy? No, no, about seven or eight so you can build it up two seconds. Okay, I'll leave off two.

Here it is. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it.

That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it.

That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. Top story this week. Well, you can't spell Ukraine without N, U, K and E, which is a bit of a concern. If you try to tell what's about to happen in World Events based on the letters involved in the place where those events are taking place. Now, I do know this is not a reliable method of divining the future using the letters in a place. I know this after a very disappointing holiday to Slovenia in which I spotted no vols whatsoever.

Not to mention my unsuccessful trip to find some new bays for my snooker table in Azerbaijan, although I did return from Bangladesh with a much-receded hairline. But anyway, here we are. Deep into the second six-month re where Vladimir Putin's concerted attempt to prove that there are no warnings from history so obvious that even the biggest f***ing idiots in the world can't ignore them. And the Kremlin, Gremlin, has threatened to quadruple down

on his heroically incompetent invasion of Ukraine by new king, the entire human race, not his words, not even actually his inference, but an inference from his inference, The nuclear threats is back, and back without a bang as of yet. But Putin said, I am not bluffing. He said it somewhat bluffly, but Chris Aditi, is he bluffing? That's my question to you. It's quite possible that he's not bluffing to be absolutely honest. I mean, he's a lunatic, but look, here's the thing, we've been here before, right?

We have been here before. I was a kid in the 80s and being a kid in the 80s involved being absolutely certain that you were going to be annihilated in a nuclear war any second. To be honest, Andy, if we get blown up tomorrow, I'll have had 35 more years and I thought I was going to get in 1987 and I can't really complain about that. But it does mean that I have had training at a very, very young age about what to do in the event of a nuclear conflagration thanks to a government leaflet called Protect and Survive. Now many buglers will be too young or foreign to remember this. So it might

be a useful time to summarise the main points in case all things go off. So, if you come across a nuclear weapon, the chances are that it's probably more scared of you than you are of it. You need to maintain eye contact with the warhead, walk slowly backwards and make a submissive gesture such as offering to buy it a drink or opening the door and letting it go through first. Nuclear weapons are attracted by bright colours and opposing political ideologies. So as the geopolitical situation becomes more fraught,

do avoid snazzy jumpers or twatting on about the rights of the individual in a democratic society. And most importantly, if you see a smaller tactical nuclear weapon, do not under any circumstances approach it. It is highly likely that the ICBM, the intercontinental ballistic mother, is not far away and they can be very, very protective. Well, that's really showing to know that those safe vessels are still in place.

Of course, it's just about keeping a sense of proportion, isn't it? Yeah. Aditi, what's the reaction being in India to the bluff or non-bluff threat, stroke and non-threat? You know, nothing, nothing because nobody cares. It's a fact. It's a fact. I mean, look, OK, if he had to do it, he would have done it by now. If he's that unhinged, that nuclear bomb would have gone off like seven months ago, but it's not gonna happen.

And this is because I mean, this is the planet that he's on as well. You know what I'm saying? Like if an internet influencer gets cancelled on the internet, they don't disappear from the internet. They come back to the internet to post an apology video and then sell their apology t-shirts. So I don't think he's gonna, he's gonna destroy the earth. And I mean, this attention that he's getting right now has a professional attention, seeko myself.

And why would, why would, why would you do that? I think, I mean, I think I'll be on the game to him and that would be unfortunate for the attention he's getting. So I don't think I'll be not too scared here. He did say in his message to the world, I want to remind you that our country also has various means of destruction. Fortunately, for the rest of the world, foremost amongst these means of destruction at Russia's disposal is self, and the classic Russian destructive strategy. Unfortunately, Russia quite often takes down its enemies, allies and neighbours as collateral damage in its determined attempts to destroy itself. But there is long been a suspicion about Poochie that he is not necessarily someone to whom you'd entrust a small puppy, let alone control of a faded

sclerotic corruption ravaged former superpower with an alcohol and winter problem, plus a nuclear arsenal. So, understandably the world is a little tense at the moment and he seems to be in a kind of phase of dangerous floundering. The invasion has not gone. I think it's fair to say particularly well the world still seems to try to work out if it's possible to negotiate the t*** cat that is Vladimir Putin down after the metaphorical military tree in which he finds himself or whether you can just lob a big hungry doggy up into the tree or just set fire to the tree and be done with it. But at the moment the world is still waiting for someone in Russia to do the decent thing

for us and either do to him what once happened to his great uncle Rass or Coaxing into entering a Ura Gagarin impersonation competition and hope that his unstoppable competitive nature and arrogance will end up with him blasting himself into space, Gagarin style, but in his now traditional manner, without having thought about what happens after he makes that first move. So here we are in this kind of awkward, awkward situation.

What's your way out of this, Chris, for the world? I mean, you obviously have a plan generally for getting the world out of major crises of all four. Yeah at any given moment I've got I've usually got something going I mean I think probably the thing to do with putting it is just to it's just a way to out because basically he's just he's a man who is slowly shrinking the targets that he claims serving him if I so initially he wanted to kill Zelensky and take Kiev Within several days that was just maintain the Donbass region right now. He's losing the Donbass region So he's gonna go all right Crimea eventually he'll go. Oh, oh, just sabastopol and then he'll go all right Just this corner shop in sabastopol fine just this finger of fudge bar and eventually that's that's it

And he'll kind of just disappear into it into a puff. That would be my thinking, but the simpler one would be to someone inside the regime to kill him. I do hope. I'm delighted by the prospect that Putin's final defeat looks like it may welcome the hands of a man who once went on national television and pretended to play a grand piano with his penis. So I sort of hope that whichever member of the Russian State Security Services is finally tasked with walking into his dacha and shooting him in the head, they force him to watch that clip on YouTube first. So in an attempt to turn the tide of his struggling invasion, he's launched a mobilisation campaign. Now, of course, Putin already has strong runoff for the Shipbag of the Century award. Well, of course, we know from previous centuries, he can't always pick the winner off the less than 45 years. But he's launched his mobilization campaign to try and recruit 300,000 reservists

of varying levels of training from a little bit to absolutely f*** all, to cannon fodder the sh**t out of in order to avoid himself losing face, which doesn't seem a good way of dealing with your problem. It's a classic male behavior, is it not? You know, bottle things up, work, things are tricky at work. Don't talk about your problems with your friends and then you end up mobilizing 300,000 people in threatening nuclear war. Get it out in the open. It's the 21st century Vlad. It's not gone particularly well this mobilization. Basically, the Russian reservists have been putting a flight or fight scenario and they've gone for option A flight and proudly donning their uniform they've

been hotfooting it to any available airport or border crossing. I mean I can sort of understand that from the reserve's point of view Aditi that I mean the attraction of being sent to die by a lunatic despot has rather worn off for humanity over the last few thousand years. Internet, it's ruined all of us for more than two decades. My favorite piece of news that came out, the data mobilization was announced, that there was a spike in the Google search results for the term, how to break your own arm. My second favorite thing, there's many favorite things about this warm mobilization effort that I love personally, is that they are sending out letters.

So apparently, the military reserve, that they're supposed to send out these letters to you, right? But apparently, it's been going to like random people, to like children and old people and women. Somebody said that this is actually a move by here to sort of do discontent among the public. Who knew? Who knew? I was very impressed. I was very impressed that now it's going to take letters to bring down, you know, what you should be. I mean, you know, people have been, you know, just fleeing to airports, any available border crossing.

So in terms of that, it's not hugely popular this mobilisation, but I guess we've all been there, haven't we? You send out an invite to someone to come to a party, you're holding to celebrate yourself and they instantly try to leave the country. I remember that happened with me back in 2006 and with, and I invited John Brown for dinner. But anyway, I mean, we've all been there. We've all been there. I mean, the alarming thing is that Russia apparently has 25 million potential reservists I mean, the alarming thing is that Russia apparently has 25 million potential reservists that it could call up, but the problem for Russia is that only a reported 17 of them are enthusiastic,

although 13 of those people have misheard the question, as would you like an ice cream rather than would you like to be a porn and a pointless political power game possible side effects may include death. So it seems there's not a lot of public support. More than 2,000 arrests have been made as people protest against the mobilisation. I mean, what do you think Putin could do to try to improve the public relations side of this? Well, they're already sort of trying to qualify the statements that they've already made saying,

they're not just mobilising everybody, there will be certain exceptions to this. So they've announced groups who will no longer be required, should they reach, you know, should they receive a mobilization notice. So for example, there'll be an exception, he says to the mobilization, this is the one that really struck me for fathers of four or more children.

There must be an absolute festival of f***ing going on across Russia right now. The place must be like Freshers Week at a Catholic university. The whole country probably smells like Peter Stringfellow's house. Satellite images are showing long cues not just at the borders but outside nightclubs and IVF clinics. Black market prices are through the roof for chocolates, roses, and secondhand positive pregnancy tests. Not the only way for anxious Russians to get hold of the necessary number of kids, of course.

What I'm saying is there is going to be an excellent seller's market right now for any excess children you might be wanting to get rid of. I've looked and there is no mention of selling kids on the sanctions list, so you can just go for your life, I reckon, obviously, it's not for everyone, but if you've got twins Why not sell the spare one make some money and cut down on rocketing grocery bills win win all hell Why not sell both of them remember the antiques roadshow rule their worth more as a pair

In the in the Ukraine Russia's been putting on referendums in parts of the country that it controls, described as sham referendums. And I mean, we know certainly in this country that even a properly run referendum is an absolute source of unending pain, confusion and dispute. So a sham referendum, it seems unlikely that this is gonna work, surely. Well, I mean, are they sham referendums? Because they have had a 400% turn out of voters. And it's four times as legitimate

as any previous referendum in history. They haven't announced the results, I'll grant you that. But the latest polling does show that 52% tick the box marked, yes, I want to join Russia. Well, 48% tick the one mark, No, I don't want to stay in Ukraine Seems all above bought to me Andy I find that a bit confusing just go to the houses and not a bit confusing, just go to their houses and steal their fathers and sons and all of that. Like what I love about this is that now you know the phrase lock up your daughters

and wives because Putin has now changed to lock up your sons and fathers. And as a homophobic man I, I'm so big. You know, on a separate point, obviously, Slava Ukraini and all of that. But I, for one, am worried about the level of expectations of victory by Zelensky is going to put on other comedic actors who've starred in satirical political sitcoms. I just feel like I've got skin in the game. Well, I mean, to be honest, Chris, I mean looking at the people currently in charge of the United Kingdom, you've got to be pretty close.

You have to be pretty close to... Yeah. I mean, I think if it was put to a vote tomorrow, Chris Addison versus Liz Truss. And there's only one winner there, isn't there? Yes, that's absolutely true. But a bag of soil toilet roll versus Liz Truss would get the same result, wouldn't it? What about a bag of soil toilet roll against?

I guess you're worried about splitting the vote. Exactly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, I could always enter into a confidence and supply pact with the bag of soil toilet roll More on the Italian election later in And we will keep you fully up to date with the world's dissent into newly conflict over the next zero to 500 years the next 0-500 years. British financial chaos news now and the trust government is just a few weeks into its regime and unencumbered by the restraining yokes of a democratic mandate, any economic sense

to support their own party or the people of the nation or indeed the belief of the international markets. They have set Britain on a path to economic chaos, it seems, that even the beloved ghost of Margaret Fatcher would struggle to justify. They've launched themselves with this, what they call a mini budget, which has, I believe the term is f**ked spooked the international markets. With essentially promises of huge tax cuts and massive borrowing, because the future is always amazing how generous unborn children are. You just whack it on their tab. The Institute of Physical Studies said this, that the budget could leave a long-term hole in public finances to the value of £100 billion a year.

We should say this is only an estimate, and it's also entirely possible that a magic dragon will shit giant golden eggs worth £1 billion each directly into the treasury a hundred times a year. So we don't know which way it's it's going to go. I mean, it's been described as a clown show economics and casino. Essentially, they put the economy on 17 red and they thrust our national fingers into the plug socket of destiny and just to see if we get hot or burned. Chris, how did you say I know you're a massive fan of the British economy? How do you see... How did you see...

How did you see... Well, what's that tickling you real old Andy? That's just a couple of turds floating on the top of the slurry of shit we're all in. That's what a couple of turds floating on the top of the slurry of shit we're all in. That's what that was. What a non-budget that was. Another absolute triumph for the mass department at Eaton. A short turn out some students. Quasicuiting, not a real quiting, just a quasi-quarting.

A man who has the smile of someone who's farted and is just waiting for it to float over you, described it as a mini-budget, which beforehand seemed like an attempt to downplay it, but now just reads like a threat as in, that was a mini budget, what the f**k is a full-quarting budget gonna look like? I'm not saying that reactions do, it have been strong Andy, but when I bought a copy of the financial times on Saturday, it was on fire. The Office for Budget Responsibility didn't get sight of the details before Quarting made the announcement, but the Office for Budget Irresponsibility rated the fiscal event an unprecedented five disabled airbags out of five. Already, letters of no confidence are being submitted by Tory MPs,

letters of no competence are being submitted by economists, and letters of no condiments are being submitted by the hospitality industry, which is how to make the difficult choice between turning the lights on or buying ingredients. According to Bloomberg, this is true, the only currency of the 151 that Bloomberg follow and track, which is currently doing worse than sterling, is the Madagascan Aurea-ri, if that's how it's pronounced. I think you might actually be Madagascan Aurea-ri. Quite interesting, if you know.

Moody and Standard and Poor, not just three words to describe the atmosphere in the country, but also the names of the International Credit Rating Agency, so who now look likely to downgrade the UK from an AAA rating to an AAAAAAARGH exclamation mark rating. It was a disaster.

Critics of the measures have claimed that they will benefit the well-off much more than those less well-off whilst conservative commentators and spokesparrots have retorted that the measures will benefit the much well-off much more than those less well-off. So it's hard to see how those two sides of the argument can be reconciled. Amongst other measures they've reduced stamp duty, a tax paid when you buy and sell house so people currently struggling to afford a potato for dinner, will be encouraged to buy a five-bed detached house in Surrey by this, that should hopefully get the economy moving.

The entire package, as I said, could cost around about 100 billion per year or more just make up a number who's counting anymore. And with tax cuts thrown in, because otherwise why would any self-respecting billionaire bother getting out of bed in the morning, it will all have to be funded by free magic money from ThinAir, also known as increased government borrowing. And our government is now like a kind of confused 21st century modern day neo-liberal Robinhood, stealing from the future to give to the rich whilst wearing tight green trousers and hanging out with monks. Um, but I guess it's the old political, so the old political saying goes, if you eat enough hallucinogenic newt, you might convince yourself you are a dinosaur, but there's a

greater chance that everyone will just think you're an extremely questionable denigest. Hence, a lack of confidence in the British government. Well, we mentioned the Pound Sterling, the renowned currency, with which this country pays for stuff. Here now is your Sterling Facts Box. The Pound is called the Pound because its origin dates back to the 12th century when under a bie law introduced by Henry II. If you pound it on someone's front door for an hour, they will legally oblige to give

you 16 ounces of metal. The highest value the pound ever reached was when England itself was valued at £2.99 in the year 1485. This was when Richard III facing defeat and death of the Battle of Bosworth famously spooked the currency markets by offering his entire kingdom for a horse. Horses were available at the time for as little as £2.99 from Eddie's equine Emporium, the budget horse market run by Sir Edwin Gleibulli, the Duke of Trumpton on the snows, meaning that £1 could buy land and assets, valued today at £3.8 trillion.

If the current slide in the value of the pound continues, by the year 2381, one pound will buy you half a molecule of Gercod in a McDonald's hamburger. The pound is known as Pound Sterling after the early English saint Eurling, a Saxon monk and financier who'd played the markets during a famine in the year 734, and ended up swapping a single pig for 250 viking ships, 3,000 units of diamond and encrusted weaponry and 10,000 flaggons of unlicensed mead. This followed the series of complicated off-the-books futures trades in a broth shop by the River Thames, that location later became known as the Stock Exchange. Erling's second miracle, which qualified him for

saintly, was when he made money magically sprout from a tree, simply by promising that the state would pay it back in 80 years time. And finally, the current collapse in the value of the pound is thought to be in part because people are worried that when King Charles's beaky profile replaces the more a strangely snouted visage of the late Queen, coins will have to become wider and therefore cost more to make. After the statement on Friday, the markets tanked and then Quartant gave an interview over the weekend suggesting there will be more tax cuts to come. And the market tanked again. Then, on Monday, in response to those two events, he suggested that he'd set out a plan to bring the debt down on the 23rd of November and the market tanked. Yet again, every time the chancelor opens his mouth, the markets get worse. At this point,

snatching him off the street, tying him to a boiler in the cellar of a safehouse and gagging him looks less like the major crime of kidnapping and more like solid fiscal policy. Ha ha ha ha ha. Well, we approach in the end of this week's bugle. Just, well, have a quick look now. The Italian election, and maybe cover it in greater detail next week. I mean, Italy, obviously, quite high up the list of countries

in Europe who ought to remember that voting in far-right governments does not always end well. However, Georgia Maloney and the, sorry, and her brothers of Italy party are set to lead what has been described as Italy's most right wing government since Benito Mussolini on the subject of far-right government that didn't always end either well or indeed the right way up from a meat hook. Um, the coalition led by her party

is one around 44% of the vote. The coalition includes, brace yourselves, long-term buglers, Silvio f***ing burlisgoni. Lurking around again, his thoughts are Italian party. Picked up eight percent of the votes. Forts of Italian means, come on Italy. Or is it, I'm not sure I've phrased it.

Come on Italy, come on! It's slightly alarming that we've seen a lot of right-woods drift in politics over recent years, and she's tried to play down quite how right-wing her party is and quite how fascistic its origins are. Chris, how worried are you by this? Well, I'm not too worried because I feel like Italy might have made a sort of genuine good faith error. Because the party has essentially won the election, it's called Brothers of Italy. Is it possible that most people just thought they were voting for Mario and Luigi. And why wouldn't you?

They'd be excellent for the economy. They're very good indeed at collecting gold coins. They have an imaginative transport policy and there's very little in the way of public transport in the mushroom kingdom. And during tricky renegotiations on the EU-Covid funding package repayments, they can use a power-up to grow to twice the size and become invincible. I do think that putting Mario and Luigi in her new government is something that Georgia Maloney should think about. It would be another

attempt to make her fascist party look cutler. If Mario was explaining the policies, they'd probably seem less objectionable. Eh! It's a me! A Mario! We're gonna stop all the migrant boats with the Navy gunships! You likes you like oh Mario I can't disagree with you you're so non-flatting I did use this so it's been big news in India you know I would like to call it on my unsubstantiated nihilism card. I mean like to me I was just like wow they literally elected a refreshing summer salad to its highest office because

George your meloni. I would I would order that. Yeah sounds nice with parma ham. Yeah. When we ant, these are like part of the menu, I'd be like, oh, I'll have a Georgiomaloni. In one final piece of news, huge celebrations at NASA this week. It's not often you see people celebrating a high-speed crash. It often looks at best insensitive, but you could understand it this week from NASA, because what they've managed to do was fire a satellite 11 million miles to crash into an asteroid, and it ended up 17 meters away from its target, which is, I mean, that's quite impressive level of accuracy. I mean, that's the kind of level of actually the bugle pretty, you know, aims for with

its satire and, you know, we do achieve that over 90% of the time. But 17 meters away after going 11 million miles, that's quite impressive. It's spanked into 160 meter wide chunk of space rock called dimorphos or dimmo to its friends, it is an Australian asteroid. I mean it's hugely impressive achievements. Basically it's the world's longest ever snooker shot and it's absolutely smashed into it. This is just like scientists that NASA NASA playing cricket in the sky. I am very worried that if the brain comes back into the crease, somebody is going to be like, was that maintaining? Michael, is this all above board?

I mean, in international law, do they not have to wait for the asteroid to shoot first? And is it wise in any case? Isn't this just going to make the asteroids resentful and angry? This is the classic American following policy mistake. It's al Qaeda all over again. You mark my words. Ten years from now, we're going to wake up to the news that a group of radicalized young asteroids with fake IDs have hijacked a plane and flown it into a planetarium. I think this point, this is supposed to be some sort of like a, um, which are preemptive exercise. That like there's actually no asteroid coming to us. They were just doing this just in case, like this level of preparation makes me think that NASA knows something that... And thank you so much, NASA, for not telling us.

Well, that brings us to the end of this week's Beagle. Don't forget, there are Beagle live shows, imminently, across the British Isles, London on the 15th, which I think is sold out, and 22nd of October at the Leicester Square Theatre, Birmingham on the 27th of October, Glasgow on the 30th of October, which will feature Nish Kumar and Josie Long two shows. We've added an extra show in the afternoon at something o'clock 3.30 Let's go with that. I think it's a bit later than that, but yeah, I'll call it afternoon. Turn up then and

Dublin on the 3rd of November Featuring a global all-star cast involving Chris Addison who's just been added to the lineup congratulations Chris Thanks. I'm glad that application went through. Career highlight, no doubts. I will also be doing some satirists for higher stand-up shows in the middle of November, details on the internet for the bugle-lice shows go to the buglepodcast.com and click the live button at any anything to alert our listeners to. I will be at the New York Company Festival on November 8. I will be up in New York, comedy festival on November 8th. I will be touring India in December. And if there are any Finnish listeners, my show, the world according to comedians, will be on Finnish public access television in December.

Please tune in because I haven't been paid yet. LAUGHTER Chris? I don't really have anything to talk about at the moment, other than third and eventbring. I'm doing the bugle I'm afraid I'm going to dub it apparently. Well there you go. We will now play you out with our latest instalment of the Bugle Wall of Fame featuring our premium level voluntary subscribers to join the Bugle Volumptu subscription scheme at whatever level you choose or to make a one-off or a curing contribution to keep the Bugle free flourishing and

independent, go to the BuglePodcast.com and click the donate button. This week's Bugle Wall of Fame in Scripties are Sarah Stillwell, who was of course the first person ever to use a ladder. Brian Fitzsimmons, who wrote most of the beetle songs, not all of them, but most, Dan Muk personally carried one of the very big rocks all the way to Stone Hinge back in the day. Whilst Graham Lewis designed a far better helicopter than Leonardo Da Vinci ever managed himself. Thanks also to Matthew Gwynn who discovered gravity before Isaac Newton did, and David Tully, who of course formulated Fermat's penultimate theorem, and the one before that.

Damian Loney was the person who edited Homer's Iliad, down from 1035 books to a more manageable 24, and Greg O'Hoffman concocted the idea for football pictures to be rectangular, rather than octagonal. Robert Blom added three extra strings to the violin, previously a one stringed instrument, sparking its success in the musical world, and finally Lucy Perrone, Apologies for Enemies' pronunciation, famously circumnavigated Antarctica on a windsurfer. Welcome to The Wall of Fame. leave circumnavigated Antarctica on a windsurfer. Welcome to the Wall of Fame.