The Bugle - Mad Max and Anti Vax (4214)

Episode Date: December 6, 2021

Nish Kumar and Alice Fraser join Andy Zaltzman to discuss Britain growing increasingly cynical about the Mad Max chaos being unleashed by the government, including plans to create its very own Guantánamo Bay. Meanwhile anti-vaxxers are using fake arms to get out of the Covid jab, and Jeff Bezos is going to fix the climate by turning down the sun.Some things to tell you:The Bugle Ashes Urncast is here: http://pod.link/UrncastOur new site is thebuglepodcast.comThis show has no ads, support us via our website with a regular or one off donationBuy a loved one Bugle Merch Follow us on YouTube or Insta and see parts of this show with actual video.The Bugle is hosted this week by:Andy ZaltzmanNish KumarAlice FraserAnd produced by Chris Skinner and Ped Hunter Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Dancelaguard fans, you will be thrilled to know a book is coming out if you fund it via Unbound. We are publishing the Dancelaguard Reader by Alice Fraser and Dancelaguard, a glorious insight into the world of Dancelaguard, self-published romance maven, and online bestseller. If you would like to find out how to support it, go to thebugelpodcast.com. If we get enough support, we will publish the book. That's a real thing that's going to happen. Thebugelpodcast.com to support the Danciler Guard Reader. The Bugle, audio newspaper for a visual world. Hello Hope Euglers and welcome to issue 4,214 of the Google Audio newspaper for a confused, aval-plectic self-loathing crumbling but still visual world with me and

his ozman here in Sydney, Australia. Coming to you live from the Alice Fraser Museum. Well, it's Alice Fraser's flat but is a home not merely a living museum of the self. I think for us all to think about, I'm joined by the curator of the museum of the self. Alice Fraser, you have not paid the entry fee, please give me a dollar fifteen. I'm technically a flash photography, and I've strictly observed the bits that you've roped off. Well, I was the one who insisted that we have bath time before we started the podcast.

Yeah, I mean, let me emphasise to to listeners that bath time did not involve me. No, who's that involved? I mean, I'm on in Photoshop team bonding, but there are certain limits. As we discuss on the last week or six weeks ago, you introduced a new interactive exhibit to this, which is intermittingly noisy. Yes. How's that going?

Laser Fraser, as I call her, or Fraser Junior. She is, she had a bath, she needs a bath. She caused a bath to have to happen. And joining us from the icy wilds of South London, we can only issue freshly bathed himself. It's Nish Kumar. You assume incorrectly Andrew. All right. I show it yesterday, but all you've got on me at the moment is about six and a half hours of

somewhat interrupted sleep. How are things going in the cold and brutal land of the North? Well, Andrew, since you left this hemisphere, everything has gone to shit. Oh right, because it wasn't going that well before I left, to be honest. We've embraced partial Mad Max chaos. Now, we've embraced full Mad Max chaos. And as soon as this podcast finishes I'm going to be strapped to the front of a car with my blood going into whatever that guy's

name is. The kiss from my bow boy. Nicholas Holt I think. Nicholas Holt that's the one. We are recording on the 6th of December, Monday evening, the 6th of December 2021, just over 36 hours as we record away from the starts of the ashes, which is the reason I'm here at the England's Quadroneal attempt to avoid total humiliation on the cricket field in the world's second greatest hemisphere in terms of world snooker champions created. Sets of roller blades manufactured, horses tamed and polar bears hosted. For further details on the ashes, do listen to the two-part series preview on the Bugle Ashes Earncast, the new podcast from the Bugle, with me and Felicity Ward as we get the old band back together from the Irn believable podcast, Nish.

Obviously you are very excited about the impending ashes. Very excited about the impending ashes. I slept in to meet in the yesterday because frankly, I missed time to die at Coke. Amazingly, and somewhat depressingly, that isn't code for cocaine. Incredible. I was doing some of my mid-range stand-up comedy last night

and before I went on I thought. Save it when everyone's not worried about new variant. I basically decided oh you know I'll have a diet coke to pet myself up and it did work the gig was fine but unfortunately I woke up on the air every hour because I'm a therese xerovman and the age is starting to catch up with me and I'm unable to process capping but what it is fantastic training for is to me stay up all night watching the ashes listening to the episode of the week if you're watching me a gig in the next couple of weeks and there still are a few in the diary, you're going to get a very tired and unfocused performance

as opposed to an energetic but unfocused performance. I was gonna say it's good practice for watching a baby and although Andy and sister he came over for his job doing a cricket commentary for the ashes, I think he came over to the baby because the thing that he says he loves about cricket, long boring, you don't know how it's going to turn out. I'll also true for childry. Before we started recording, Alice, you were in the middle of telling me that your baby

gave Andy a somewhat unfavorable review. Not his worst one, just to replay. No, no, you have to understand this through our thoughts. Yeah, it did. And not just through up on me, but I mean, through up on me, I think within 30 seconds, have you? Oh, yeah, yeah, I gave you a cloth as well. So she managed to like somehow, I think within 30 seconds of you. Oh, yeah, yeah, I gave you a cloth as well. So she managed to like somehow arc over the cloth and come around the side.

It was truly tactical. We are recording on the Siktor December. Yesterday the Fiddler December was apparently World Bath tub party day. So maybe we should have had a bath before the show. So we thought we would record today instead because the 6th of December is the anniversary of the battle in the bath, the 1956 Olympic Water Polo semi-final between Hungary and the USSR. How also known as the Blood in the Water Game?

Yes, at the Melbourne Olympics, across the line between sporting event, out of control party and massive politically charged physical and symbolic fights. We're going to exaggerate wildly by the end of the game that pool was 80% blood, 20% water, and that's even a land for the proportion of blood that is already watered. Two of the Russian players have been sent off for being a shark and the USSR's goal has been ruled out because an attack submarine was lurking in an offside position, but Hungary nevertheless won-nil and Soviet communism had taken a budgie smuggler's wearing body blow from which it would never recover with the iron coming down less than four decades later. That is called a things

ball. As always, a section of the bean, in fact two sections of the bugle are going straight in the bin. In the bin this week a science skepticism section, we're jumping on this particular bandwagon to ask, is gravity a hoax? Did Married Curie invent cancer to make a profit from discovering radioactive penicillin? Were the ancients right? Are there really only four elements, Earth, air, fire and water, was to meet tremendous love in the pocket of the element franchising industry? If vaccines are so great, how come the Greeks built the path and on invented the Olympics and took vase-based pornography to new heights without them,

and given the low economic productivity of the world during the last Ice Age competitor, now should we be thanking global warming for giving us more exciting jobs than mammoth spotting co-respecting and dinosaur evasion consultant. In short, is science shit. That is our special pull-out supplement in association with the 21st century because sense is for losers. And also in the bin this week Alice. Yes, a how to pretend it isn't Christmas yet section. I feel like Christmas is crept up on us and we don't want to admit that it's happening. I certainly don't want to admit that it's happening here with some tips on how to pretend it isn't Christmas yet.

Tip number one, no matter what anyone tells you, no matter the temptation, even if the demand is accompanied by bells, don't hack. Tip two, especially not at good tidings, try keeping your headphones in in public spaces. Once you've hacked at something, it is all over. Put your fingers in your ears and go, la, la, la, la, la, but importantly not, fa, la, la, la, la, la.

You might as well put on some green stockings and volunteers in Elf at the local Westfield Shopping Center. Once you've hacked it, something tip number three, what does Shepard's know about anything, really? Like, would you get your vaccine misinformation from a Shepard on Facebook, I think, not, which brings me to another quibble I have with the Bible, which is the lack of media literacy.

Who are we citing as an authority, a burning bush? Like, why is that more convincing than anything else? No one's going, oh, that's nonsense. No way to make a burning bush told you. I mean, why is the burning bush, I mean, I guess it was the desert your options are burning bush or burning rock. And to be honest, I would believe the rock. My point is,

f***ed Cheppets. And also, I've always wanted to know what shepherds dress up as a Christmas. Is it children, cus' fairs fair? Well, to be honest, I would take advice from a burning bush over many serving politicians these days. Tip 4, except into your heart, the truth of Yuletide, two words that don't mean anything anymore, being used to mean something that doesn't mean anything except for like 12 days of the year. Tip number five is everything in the pear tree.

Like is it cumulative or is it subsequent? Are the lords are leaping in the pear tree? This is why we need the Oxford comma, which is to say, tip six is be pedantic about the specific and rational meaning of Christmas song lyrics, drive that shit into the ground like a man on a roof in a slay, strap to some actual real life act, truly heavy reindeer. Tip number six, tell your family you're doing a no-consumption Christmas, which is good for the environment. So instead of buying gifts, you just all give vouchers promising to do nice things for each other. Six A, then do not do those things. It's the end of my tips. Any Christmas tips for homelessness?

One word, Hinduism, baby. It's a high-fordated. I'm a Jew-boo, so on one hand, we don't like material objects, and on the other hand, we kill them. So... You know, you see the baby Jesus being born and everyone celebrating, you're like, oh, this doesn't end well.

I'll say it, this podcast features three of the worst Jews of all time. And only one of them has any mitigating factors for that. I would say if I have to give any Christmas tips. The one is the importance of knowing the difference between the homophonic words slay and slay, which caused all the manner of problems at Easter. Two is important for remembering the true message of Christmas, which is that if you are in a hotel in or any establishment that rents out rooms and a heavily pregnant woman arrives, especially on a donkey, pretend you're booked out. Childbirth is a f***ing messy business. And also, don't buy too many presents.

Spoken from brutal experience there Andy. Routal experience. There's still a few stains on the bathroom floor. Final tip, don't buy too many presents. It's spoken from brutal experience there Andy. Routal experience. There's still a few stains on the bathroom floor. Final tip, don't buy too many presents. Kids usually zone out by number three and car, remember what it is when asked years later by for example a gospel writer. What they got for their first Christmas. Gold, fracking, and no sections. It had been. Top story this week, Britain being more and more cynical about politicians. And as you're going to do, top story is a missing words question for you this week. Can you guess the missing word in this headline? Trust in politicians to act in the national interest

rather than for themselves has blanked dramatically since Boris Johnson became Prime Minister. Can you guess what that is? Is it C-***? It's not that, no. I mean it's along those lines, but... What do you say, I'll fall down. It's free-fold of herb. I believe, and I take most of my grammatical cues from Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers, free-fold is a herb. Okay. Okay. Free-fell. That's correct. Yeah, I mean, I've been out of the country for two and a half weeks.

And in my absence, Britain has become more cynical about politicians than ever. Do you think this is justified? Well, Atty, without the weight of your satirical bulwark against political excess, this country is... You were its final defence. And yet you went to Australia to watch cricket or so you say. This is a somewhat disastrous poll result. 5% of voters poll by the Institute of Public Policy Research said they thought politicians were in the

job primarily for the good of their country. Can I just put you up on that, Lish? Just the way you said five percent there. I mean, that was just a very matter of fact as if this isn't something to be screaming into a void of despair about. Is this the depth of your own cynicism? Is it something to be despaired about, Andy? Or is it a politician finally delivering

on their campaign policy? Because there's one thing that was implicit in Boris Johnson's campaign, it will be, I will be sleazy as f*** and make you all distrust politicians. Why would we expect anything less from a man who's basically spent most of his life misting the women of Britain in his own juice? Oh, oh dear, you've just ruined Christmas.

I think it's the 6th of December. That's the kind of phrase that needs at least three weeks. Not for Christmas. Putting the O into aerosol. I can't believe we're surprised that trust is plummeted under the stewardship of Captain Gisme. I guess it's a two-way street though. I don't know if the poll investigated where the politicians trust voters as well. I mean from what I've researched I've done

that's down from the standard 0.3% to just 0.1%. So it's a bit of a two-way street really. The report outlines four major areas of challenge for policy makers to focus on to try to improve political trust in Britain. These include stop being f**king crooks, stop being f**king liars, try saying something you mean at least once per term of office or five years, whichever is f**king longer. But before you say something in public, ask yourself, is what I'm about to say, total and obvious bullshit? And five, I know I said that before, but you know, that's the way things go, stop pretending not to be lying crooks. But at least confident in your true selves. I feel like the pivotal point in this was that they started calling corruption sleaze, which sounds sort of sexual. Yes, I think it did use to be

a bit sexual, didn't it? On room the 80s, sleaze generally involved some form of leather and involved some form of leather and parliamentary denial. Now we're back in the era that I was raised in. I came of age in the 1990s, the era of Tory party sleets. And I miss those innocent days of 1990s Tory party sleets because back then it was just all having extra marital affairs and the odd strangle wank that went around. It wasn't a raw engine vault or something. There was an orange involved, somebody was having a time

with themselves and had a bit of a strangle at the side. It didn't go well. Let's not delve any further into that. But that was the old school sleaze. Only people affected were the wives. I missed that era. Right, Tory sleaze.

Everything has a nostalgia field come back. And is this because we thought, you know, Britpop coming back into fashion? Is this really just, you know, the 90s being once again the decade we earn for? We had the dawn of the era in which a politician will do a strangle wank in order to win back popular? Well, I mean, not long ago Boris Johnson

tried to kill David Attenborough, but when you're trying to kill Attenborough to improve your poll ratings, you know things of sunk pretty low. One of the worry elements of it is the trend is on the decline in terms of trust and politicians. In 2014, when David Cameron was prime minister, 48% of voters is the trend is on the decline in terms of trust and politicians. In 2014, when David Cameron was Prime Minister, 48% of voters believed the politicians were out merely for themselves.

That then increased to 57% by May 2021 after two years of Captain Jusmas did number ten. And it slept up to 63% last week in the wake of the Owen Paterson scandal, which has been extensively covered on the bugle. Basically Owen Patson did some corruption and the government response was to try and make corruption legal. As far as possible that's as quickly as I can summarize that entire sorry affair. The report picked out various things, stagnant living standards and I don't see a problem with this because we're keeping told environmentally that, you know, we can't keep growing, can't have continual growth. So clearly the government is just running a trial scheme. And if it works out for the poor, then the ritual sign right off. So it's very good.

Declining expectations for the younger generation, again, not so many people should be worried about, they've got avocados and selfies. Don't need hope, income, they're owed home or holidays. Inequality of opportunity and reward, high bound devotion to ideology in the face of evidence, what was still officially a Christian country, so we can't abandon that. And the effects of austerity on the ability of government and government departments and local government to function effectively on behalf of the people. And when this is not a huge surprise, is it? I mean, as the old saying goes, if you hurl a javelin into your own foot three times, it hurts when you take a vinegar foot spa. Well, it's just like, simply sting. One of the least interesting musical tribute acts I've ever seen. One of the other stories that may be affecting Britain's trust

in its political leaders is that Boris Johnson is facing a potential police investigation. I mean, insofar as the police have said, that they're considering complaints from labour MPs that the Prime Minister and his staff held Christmas parties in breach of COVID regulations a year ago. And just this morning the policing Minister kicked Molthaus was sort of wheeled out on the morning news shows. And he said this, I've been assured no rules were broken. I don't even know if an event took place, but if it did, no rules were broken. My favourite thing is somebody, I just saw this as a headline, so somebody was wheeled out saying police don't generally investigate things that happened in the park. That's right, actually Andy, since you've been away analysis will be used for you guys. We've gone full minority report.

And police will only, through the use of pre-cog technology, be investigating things that happen to the future, or things that happen if they involve minorities. LAUGHTER The report says there was a values gap opening up, which I thought was a rather charmingly British euphemistic way of saying, bunch of f***ing. LAUGHTER which I thought was a rather charmingly British euphemistic way of saying BUNCH OF BUNCH!

There is a values grand canyon opening up. Oh yeah, it's becoming more cynical. Is that just what the politicians want us to think we are? All I would say is, are people becoming more cynical or are they just paying attention? It's such a fine line. It's very hard to look at the oceans 11 of mass country that Johnson has assembled at his front bench. Who have, and listen, this is a personal allegation, murdered all the old people. Allegedly, allegedly, I'm trying to clear this,

legally, allegedly, allegedly murdered all the old people whilst maintaining steady libidos is the conservative part is actually aroused by the deaths of old people. That's just a question I'm asking. That's a question I've been asking for a number of weeks. They haven't answered it. They haven't answered it. They haven't answered it. Hancock saw the death rates grabbed a part. I'm just presenting the information as it's presented to me. Look, the fact that this has reduced faith in politicians over the last year has shattered my faith in people like, now this is your breaking point. Fantastic point, Alice. Fantastic point. Like, who took until this year to really lose faith?

Yeah, they spent the last year handing out PPE contracts to Willy Wonka. Oh come on, Willy Wonka would have got shit done. To stomp he's qualified to deliver protective equipment and the doctors would be sent into war zones with masks made of licorice. last kind of licorice. Bob the sentient trash island update. Now Alice, last year you took people through on the last post the evolution of Bob the sentient trash island in the parallel universe from which you were receiving transmissions. But it appears that it's basically happening in reality. Now, the Great Pacific Garbage Patch, a giant watch of plastic debris in the Pacific Ocean, halfway between California and Hawaii, is basically the symbolic 51st day of the USA. I think, at its absolute, 600,000 square miles, which is the size of Mongolia, a fifth of Australia or six-and-a-half UK?

Yes, the great Pacific garbage patch or what the cabbage patch dolls evolve into in the Pokemon universe. It's floating around, around what's called a giant which, which where currents come together and they cause this debris to accumulate. And there are species who are living the libertarian dream on this floating plastic floor and floor that's usually found only on the coast has made its way to the middle of the ocean where it's presumably building a new society. They're creating a permanent habitat on these floating trash islands. And look, there's a lot of stories that I made up for the last post that are coming true.

And I'm not mad about it because it does mean that we're going to see Duane the Rob Johnson as the vice president. I think the only problem with that sentence might be the use of the word vice. The great Pacific garbage patch, of course, is what the former England cricket captain Douglas Jardine used to call Australia, I believe in the bill. It was on series, 1932, 1933. The report said the scientists are concerned that plastic may help transport invasive species and it doesn't get people to give a shit about where plastic ends up.

Is this the kind of language niche that we need to hear? To get the attention of politicians and public life, you'd start talking about things coming over here that aren't supposed to be, you have our foreign divided attention, invasive species. I'll be honest with you, more than anything else, when I heard the phrase trash island, I was like, no, what have we done now? Honestly, you're not, it's King Dunpole now. mean, I think calling it the great Pacific, I resent the use of the word patch here. Right. Because it does sound like something we've deliberately cultivated in the Pacific,

as opposed to just a load of rubbish that we've managed to somehow hurl into the sea through a combination of our own negligence. And to be fair to Japan, a tsunami, which just a huge contributing factor to why they're here. So let's leave the Japanese out of this for once. I'm just applauding the pioneering spirit of all these tiny open ocean species, the little Thor-hired owls of the open ocean. That's a very funny joke if you did the same year five project as I did. LAUGHTER Well, I mean, I think, you know, I mean, basically, what we're talking about here

is bonus habitats for these, these, these, these feckless evolutionary lieabouts that have, you know, been so dependent on a specific type. We've given them bonus places to live, and yet we are getting more and more crowded on land, but we're the ones that cop all the criticism. I don't think that's fair, is it? Yep, and if the important and pivotal cane-toed vote in far North Queensland has anything to say about it,

introducing species to where they're not meant to be is only a good thing. Listen, let's be honest, we're only about six weeks away from somebody in the Republican party in America suggesting we invade the garbage island to bring democracy and as a side note the military industrial complex to the garbage patch. I just can't wait for Libertarian entrepreneurs to move on to it and try and make it their own. Like that time they bought a cruise ship. They bought a cruise ship as a Libertarian paradise and then they realized that they didn't know how to get milk. The scientists were quoted saying, it's not an island of plastic, but there's definitely a large amount of plastic corolled there.

So surely the conclusion is, we haven't put enough plastic in the sea yet, and if we want to create the first human-generated continent, there needs to be more. I mean, it's not hard to make a lot of plastic into an island of plastic. All you need is a big lighter. Right. Yeah. Well, global warming. There we go.

I mean, I think this is great news for the anti-environment lobby. LAUGHTER Covid news now, and an Italian man is facing charges of fraud because he went to get his Covid vaccine with, and he guesses, yes, a fake arm. So not to lean too heavily into stereotypes here, but he's an Italian, surely they noticed he was only talking with one hand. I mean, it's, this is, I'm an impressive. There was a story back in October about an anti-vaxxer selling 1,500 prosthetic arms online.

But it's inherently very revealing about how dumb they think medical staff are. Like, I thought doctors were stupid enough to be fooled by a fake arm, I wouldn't believe them about vaccine. Well, I think, I mean, trying to detect a very trace of homeopathic logic in the thinking behind the average anti-vaxxers, like trying to find a lost cuddly skunk in a huge pile of dead skunks, it's probably going to end up in the family, and you're definitely going to end asking yourself, why has it come to this? What have we become? And if I do find it, what the f*** am I going to do with it? But I mean, there's an element to which vaccines by their nature are hoaxes themselves. There are hoax on the body to make it think they've had a disease. So, you know, they started it. Surely that's that's double jeopardy. Double jeopardy, right? Hoax on

a hoax. Yeah. Cancel's each other out. And also, as I said earlier on, we are, you know, still a Christian country. Do you not think many other American, Australia? So, understandably, there is some skepticism after the jabs that Jesus had on the cross-fail to give him a unity to crucifixion. LAUGHTER You're bringing it back, Ralph. You're a terrible joke, but you're a worse Christian.

The headline here is this story is weird for Italy. Even Italians think this story is weird. So basically Italy is in the process of introducing something called a super green pass which takes effect on the 6th of December. It requires people to prove that they've vaccinated to go to cinemas, theaters, nightclubs and get served indoors at bars and restaurants. So this is obviously caused some panic in the uh, scienceless asshole community. Um, and so they've increased it. So people just try to work out what the best way is for them to not get the job, but still be able to obtain the pass. So a 50 year old man, 50 years old, half a century on this planet.

And this is what this man's accumulated half century of wisdom has led him to, decided that he was going to buy a prosthetic arm and try and get the injection in his prosthetic arm. Now, the people administering the jab are professional healthcare workers. And he thought that he could sneak a fake arm past professional healthcare workers, and also, La Republic and newspaper in Italy, actually contacted the healthcare worker who said that they felt offended as a professional. And because the arm was well made, but it wasn't the same color.

Like also when you stick in the needle and it meets wood like although I think we're being uncharitable to this man maybe what he's trying to do is not avoid getting the vaccine. Maybe what he's trying to do is slowly assemble a real doll that is immune to COVID. It's been Rodic Rampant in the action figure community and they never are included in any of the official statistics. Did you just class a real doll as an action figure? Because it is in one interpretation, yes, it gets a lot of action. I mean, it's an action figure in the most literal sense. This whole thing is so profoundly offensive, because there are people that require prosthetic limbs

for actual medical reasons. And this guy is out there using one because he can't be asked to get a f***ing vaccination. Or he can't be asked to chop his arm off either. Yeah, you know what? Have to chop his arm off either. Yeah, you know what? Have the courage of your convictions, you f***ing. Chop your arm off and then avoid getting. But it's the equivalent of me getting a wheelchair to the shops

because walking offends my beliefs. Very reminiscent, of course, of when Charles I tried to sneak out of it his execution in 1649 with a prosthetic head. Well, I took my kids to get their vaccines. They're giving special stickers. So you could choose, I think, between, I've had my vaccine, I'm not a f***ing lunatic. Have you seen the people in charge? I'm pretty confident this is not a massive conspiracy. Well, I got brave boy when I took that one along for myself when I had my job. And well, I got brave boy when I took that one along for myself. When I have my job.

But if you tried to have a jab with a prosthetic arm, you get a sticker saying, I'm a f***ing idiot and I deserve everything that falls with me. There is concern though, a legitimate concern, I would say, that the authorities are worried because what if they do injects a prosthetic arm and the arm then develops bionic powers and the new race of music arm, so you know what humanoid takes over the world.

I mean... It's a trick that arms already magnetic. This guy's up there in terms of crazy Italians with molecular. This prosthetic arm is his over-pointed horse to the Senate. Except instead of the fall of the Roman Empire, it's the entire human race that this is indicative of. It's a collapse of humanity. It took the Roman Empire a long time to collapse, after Caligula. It's a solid 300 years or so still to go. Immigration news now and the former Brexit Secretary David Davis,

Ser conservative politician, has said that home secretary pretty-per-tell plans to send asylum seekers to another country while their claims are processed may create a facility as notorious as the Guantanamo-Bade Attention Camp in Cuba. It's not entirely clear if he say that this is a good thing or a bad thing. This is a victory for Australia is what it is. The fact that the notorious prison camp that they're pointing to is not literally the one that's doing exactly the same thing as the suggesting.

It's very, very funny. It's a huge reflection of how much of our culture is filtered through an American lens that the comparison has gone to Guantanamo Bay as opposed to the inspiration for this which is Australia's immigration policy of and I believe this is a direct quote from the Australian legal system. F*** off with full. I just think British Guantanamo Bay is like normal Guantanamo Bay but the weather's worse and the guards think they're hilarious. the weather's worse and the guards think they're hilarious. Oh, you heard this one. Oh no. But on a loop for 24 hours, like what they did with Norega, it was like,

and that has really been large section of the British publics and presses, one problem with Grahattava Bay, insufficient beef eaters. Pretty Patel and hearing that the accusation that the plans could result in a British Guantanamo said, obviously it's very flattering to be compared to one of the greats, but we don't want to get complacent, we want to keep improving. David said Patel's plans are deeply flawed. The Home Office has also not stated the actual locations that they've got in mind for their office or asylum processing facilities. Australia is at Manas Island and Nauru and New Zealand, I think.

It does suggest that we're holding out for somewhere really good and tart to go, perhaps, I believe that's what the Scott expedition was casing out the joint for. Maybe the International Space Station. Or dare I say it, let's Australia again, out the joint for, maybe the international space station. Or dare I say it, let's Australia, again, for a time. It worked once, and that is why we have that policy, take one, pass it on. Yeah. Well, it might work quite well if you get someone new, that is an Australia, and you know, in a hundred years time or so, we'll have someone else to play at sport. I mean, there's a trash island just going there. It is a real return to the Victorian values

promised by the Conservative Party. After their 18-month investigation into the concept of eugenics, they're now back to continent-exing people they don't want in the country. Incidentally, Trash Island was the working title for Australia for about 150 years. LAUGHTER

I've said it before, and I'll say it again. People should not be surprised title for Australia for about 150 years. I've said it before, I'll say it again. People should not be surprised about pretty fatales potentially in human immigration plans. When, by her own admission, her own suggested immigration reforms would have prevented her parents from entering the United Kingdom. This is a woman who is tried to do the legislative equivalent of inventing a delorean so she can deport her own mother. And yes, I have South Asian parents.

They can be quite irretain, but I don't know if you're trying to f**king send these f**ks back to where they came from. If you can't see yourself in the iPad, dad, I can't see you. You know I'll go back to where you came from. I'm so fond of your mum, Nish. I sat next to her in the audience of a bugle once in Leicester Square. And she turned to me about halfway through and like very earnestly whispered, he doesn't mean kill all wide people.

I was like that, thanks Mrs. Scuman. Further criticism. I've not just written, but Europe as a whole, and the attitude to immigration has come from Pope Francis, who described the neglect of migrants as, quote, the shipwreck of civilization, which I think also an issue is a daily telegraph review of the Mash report. But we're nearly adopted as a working title at one point. Pope Francis said it's easy to influence public opinion by instilling fear of the other. It looks like someone's been studying the history of Catholicism and all other major

religions. I'm just saying, if you're not going to listen to the Pope, if history's teach it, taught us anything about Pope's, if you're not going to listen to the Pope, you better have another better, bigger Pope. And be willing to use it. Even the head of the Catholic Church thinks this is bad. That's not going to be the head of the Catholic Church thinks this is bad. That's not gonna be the headline. Even the head of, what is, let's face it,

the world's blingiest international pedophile ring. It's like, this is too far. That's what the origin of the phrase, keep it under your hat, which came from the Catholic Church, where they have such enormous hats. Moving on now to human efforts to stop the sun shining news now and Alice you are the Bugles snuffing out all light correspondent and Amazon the tech and retail giant is apparently trying to turn the sun off. Yes, they're donating cloud computing time to run a model on how you could dim the sun.

And look, I just, I mean, I would find this an inspiring piece of science and community and helping one another, except that it never ends with modeling, does it? Andy, the man who's training up people to be warehouse robots and firing himself into the stratosphere and an illusionally unironically shaped rocket is not going to be finding a merely experimental model of how to go about hypothetically sun dimming if you did indeed want to, for example,

turn it down from your volcano layer so you can terraform Mars into bioderms for worker drones. I don't know. It's not a comfortable feeling, Andy, knowing that that's the guy who's got his finger on the button of the sun, dimming. Speaking of which isn't dim sun your favourite meal? It's right up there. It has strong evidence from earlier on this afternoon as I came to terms with having a

shirt full of vomit. But it's a strange way of going about it, isn't it? Because I mean, it gets auctioned one in terms of dealing with global warming, is change human behaviour further, long-term benefit Because I guess option one in terms of dealing with global warming is change human behaviour further, long-term benefit and survival of the planet in our descendants, but it's bit expensive, and it's not an easy sell politically. So option two, dim the sun. Obviously.

And if you can't find the dim switch, leave the sun as it is, but then dim the amount of hotness coming from the sun to earth in a way that I don't fully understand. The potential downsides listed include unleashing crop dyes, and that sounds bad. A tactic that's bit tainted by history for my knowledge of the British Empire in India is anything to go by. And also that it would be impossible to stop once starting very much up the advance of short format cricket

all over again, that's slightly less important. There is a temptation, you know, to tell yourself you can't just dismiss these people as cartoonish billionaires. And then you read a story like this and remember that this is literally something Mr Burns tried to do in Simpsons. This is absolutely the plot of the two-power who shot Mr. Burns episode that he tries to block out the sun and apparently it's because they worried about the effects of climate change and in order to sort of reduce the impacts of escalating temperatures the idea is to dim the sun and at this point you realise these people will try anything except anything that might help. We can release these are emissions or we could chill the sun. Yeah we could stop

delivering one packet of Q tips in a box the size of an elephant three times a date at the same house or we could turn off the star. We could use less fuel or I could fly in space for a bit. I'm not in favour of timming the sun for a bit. Particularly while the assages is on, the cloud might swing around a bit more for Anderson to work. I'm more in favour. You can view anything through the prism of cricket. Yes.

That's one of the things I both admire and fear about you. To be fair, I feel ambivalent because my specialist on Amazon Prime, which people will always point out when I make fun of Amazon, but also you can't live in capitalism without being compromised. Which is the title of your Amazon Special I believe. But it's interesting, yeah, attempting a dimming the sun, dim sun to prevent the wands on destruction of the planet. It could work, I guess, but I won't shoot my working, or I'll speculate how gow about

it. I am regretting taking you out for lunch to the noodle place. Maybe before our next summer, we'll be able to eat a wind spring rolls round again. We should have addressed this issue long bow before we did. I quite enjoyed that one. I'll email the URL so you can all google us find your local waste disposal sites to help do your bit for the environment. I'll post the dumplings. That's it. Just a bit of chung fun. I'll take a bow. I like dumbling so much that I enjoyed that pun though. It could be because this people started recording it today.

I've loved the tub and I haven't had breakfast. And now I've got real craving for a dumbling breakfast. TURKISH ECONOMINE NEWS Now and Alice, you are, I are I believe emeritus professor of Turkish economics at the Thompson Lille University here in Sydney. Is that correct? Yes. So tell us what's going on in the Turkish economy right now.

So Turkish money has been inflating higher and higher. Now it's a six consecutive month of inflation with no lead on the inside. And the president, early on, has vowed that he will pursue interest rates at all costs, which, you know, when a dictator says at all costs, you're in for a surprise. And the thing about Turkish inflation is that it sounds delicious, and then when you taste it, you're like, sure, it's good, but Edmund betrayed Aslan for this powdery gummy square. Even if it has not seen, you've got to think quite twice about double crossing the massive f***ing lion who even if he wasn't a barely disguised Jesus metaphor is still a massive f***ing lion you know. In other words and inish I didn't

make time to read about the intercus economy but I have been thinking about what sort of reading program I'm going to allow my infant daughter as she develops and whether it will include heavy handedhanded religious propaganda. On one hand, I don't want my daughter to feel a sense of betrayal. I felt when I got to the end of Nania as a little Buddhist kid and realised it was Jesus all along. On the other hand, if you cut pamphlet Christian and brainwashing out of the canon of great English children's literature, you're left with some startling gaps. But did I never got to the end of the Narnia? When what was the scene like when they... And you crucify a liar.

They get around it. There's a fudge. If I had to criticize CS Lewis, this Jesus metaphor in one way, I'd say he fudges the crucifixion. Listen, when has there ever been a problem with hyperinflation and an authoritarian leader?

When has that ever led to anything terrible? Moving across the Atlantic now, or indeed the Pacific from where we are in Australia, and massively responsible American politician wielding guns news now, and this week it's Thomas Massey, a congressman from Kentucky, who posted a picture of himself as a Christmas greeting in front of a Christmas tree with his family and they are all wielding what a hit-be-machine guns or some form of attack rifles with a message saying, Merry Christmas, PS, Santa, please bring ammo. Now, I mean, it's not ideal. I mean, I think, you know, if I was a Kentucky voter, I'd be a little concerned that this was his view of what the spirit of Christmas, particularly given recent shootings in America, it is as

crackless and insensitive as you would expect in Republican politics these days. But it does suggest that these people, Thomas Matty and his family, are the worst kind of gun rights activists, because they believe in the Second Amendment right for innocent Americans. They haven't bought Emma. Well exactly, they believe in the Second Amendment right for innocent Americans to be moaned down by lunatics. But also, they are relying for their ammunition on an obviously fictitious, wildlife dependent delivery service that only operates one day a year. And I think that's for them.

I saw a cartoon being shared around by pro-gun people and social media showing Santa applying for his concealed carry license. Which he shouldn't get, he's not an American citizen. Like, if he passes the background check, we know the system is deeply flawed. Yes, unless it's not a DVD of the movie Carrie and he's trying to hide it in the child's ugly ass for it. There's a Christmas present. He's trying to hide it in the drawer, was oddly asked for it. There's a Christmas present. Listen, you guys are just a bunch of pinko commies who don't know anything about the real story of Christmas.

Joseph and Mary turned up at the inn. The innkeeper said, there's no more room. Joseph lowered his sunglasses, lent towards the desk and said, I'll be back. He then plowed into the inn in his car and then got out and opened fire indiscriminately on all of the inn employees. Now, some of you might say, hold on,

isn't that a scene from the 1984 science fiction classic, The Terminator? Yeah, what was that based on? The Bible. And then the three wise men turned up and they were packing heat clocks firing pins machine guns they had the more Nish you're better than that. I'm not

Oh now I have concert these people are maniac I Think that's probably a fair call a f***ing maniac. I think that's probably a fair call. And also, I mean, it's hard to, you know, use a Christmas card is, you know, just a greeting of, you know, saying someone you'll remember them at that time of year. But when everyone's holding a machine, it looks very much more like a threat than a, you know, memento. People sent those, you know, cars saying what their family's been doing all year. I mean, you know, little Timmy, past his great four-fire lid and Marjorie learned how to do a backward roll and everyone else has holding guns and about to open fire. The family all posing together in front of the christary holy guns. Like this is beyond the pipe. Like even for

America, this is absolute nonsense. And it's like it genuinely looks like a still from like a sort of satirical comedy from the late 1990s. Yeah, let's have a snooker queue in there. Come on, just one of them. Gun people, I feel like the social equivalent of the man who thinks his hat is a personality, but also they can kill you. Well, back to the home. Well, that brings us to the end of this week's Bugle. Thank you very much for listening. Don't forget to tune into the Bugle Ashes Earncast in which Felicity Ward and I will be charting

the hopefully dramatic and not devastatingly predictably awful for England progress of the Ashes series. Over the next few weeks, don't forget Alice's show on the 9th of December at the Sydney Comedy Store, where I will be performing on the 4th of January, Rhino Rooms and Adelaide on the 14th and the European beer cafe on the 21st and 22nd of December. Tickets available in the ether or internet. And I am on tour for years. Bob Dylan. Yeah, yeah. The never ending tour, baby. I'm on tour in the United Kingdom February, March, April and into May. And we may have some US dates. Oh.

But I haven't got them yet. That's probably the word most useless plug. Done on this podcast. A podcast. A podcast that is a combination of satire and useless plugs. I will also be on tour in the UK in February and March. I'll be on tour in the UK in August. Oh, that's planet head.

Thank you very much for listening. And don't forget to listen to BBC Test match especially if you're under here me talking actual facts in my other job coverage starting late on Tuesday night in the UK Wednesday in Australia. That's it. Thank you for listening, Budalers. I'm not entirely sure when the next Bugle will be. We are coming up to the Christmas

Hiatus. There may or may not be another show before Christmas, but there will be something put out on the feed and don't forget you can listen to the Bugle Esch's own cast. In the meantime, goodbye! You can listen to other programs from the Bugle, including the Bugle, the last post, tiny revolutions and the gargle wherever you find your podcasts. programs from the bugles, including the bugle, the last post, tiny revolutions, and the gargle wherever you find your podcasts.