The Bugle - Mourning Has Broken (4240)

Episode Date: September 20, 2022

Andy is with Tiff and Anuvab to look back at a momentous moment in blah blah blah, platitude, honour, homage, anecdote, respect. Goodbye to the Q-Unit, we'll miss you. Our 15th Birthday Special Tour is coming to the UK and Ireland this year: https://www.thebuglepodcast.com/liveThere's no ads in this show, thanks to you! Cast some cents and pennies our way: https://www.thebuglepodcast.com/donateThis episode was written and presented byAndy ZaltzmanTiff StevensonAnuvab PalAnd produced by Chris Skinner Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Dancelaguard fans, you will be thrilled to know a book is coming out if you fund it via Unbound. We are publishing the Dancelaguard Reader by Alice Fraser and Dancelaguard, a glorious insight into the world of Dancelaguard, self-published romance maven, and online bestseller. If you would like to find out how to support it, go to thebugelpodcast.com. If we get enough support, we will publish the book. That's a real thing that's going to happen. Thebugelpodcast.com to support the Danciler Guard Reader. A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A- Audio newspaper for a visual world. Hello, viewers, and welcome to the first ever bugle to be recorded in a United Kingdom reigned over by a king. Since we last puddled into areas, the Queen, or an out Queen, and a pro-celebrity non-executive head of state of our British hearts and nation for over 70 years died.

At the age of 96, since then, there's been a period of official national mourning. The queue to end all queues, a state funeral attended by so many world leaders that the TV commentators simply gave up trying to guess who was who and still less worth over from. We've had the biggest fancy dress parade in living memory and now we have a nervous wait to find out what kind of country emerges from the scratch card of history as normality research itself. Yes, after 70 years of unbroken quenery and 134 out of the last 185 years, we now have a queue of kings lined up, starting with Charles stretching out beyond the span of living imagination to a distant time when King George VII rules over the last remaining visible peak of the Scottish Highlands. So here we are. I am Andy Zoltzmann and I am now officially a subject, a term with which I'm not entirely comfortable of Prince Charles,

who was, well, of King Charles, Prince Charles of course constitutionally instantaneously rebranded as King Charles III, aka KC III, or triple choppy, or cha-cha-chall, or chaz-y-spangled hat, as you wish. Providing the continuity that royalty and monarchy bring to our increasingly fractured and politically chiseled land. To reflect on all we have seen and experienced these last two weeks, for this issue 4,240 of the bugle, I'm joined by, firstly, by a woman who was not chosen to give a reading at the Queen's funeral for reasons that remain unclear to this day. Yeah.

Tiffany Stephenson. Hello. Hi, I think Chucky 3 is actually Revenge of Chucky. All right. Or it could be Bride of Chucky, in which case, the Bride of Chucky is called Tiffany. So it could be my reign in many ways So who knows?

We never know these days and representing the Commonwealth AKA Empire Light aka the whoops. Let's try that one again, but this time less violently association of nations from India and of our pal Hello, and you've actually been here in London for this whole strange process. How have you found it as a sort of an outsider looking in? You know, it's quite interesting because I've been in London and my parents have been in London as well. And they arrived on the day that homadjustity passed away. And my parents are of the Sanman Rushdie generation of Indians, you know, midnight children as it were. And they wanted to go to Buckingham Palace on the day of a demise. And nobody was sure what the protocol would be and how the following

days would pan out. Because your royals will in Balmoral, which apparently is in Scotland. So it was basically loads of people from the Commonwealth staring at each other at Buckingham Palace, carrying flowers. I'm sure of where to put it. So to pondering whether this was the right sort of field, the right amount or too much, are we being respects or loitering outside the House of the Queen, which basically sums up the Commonwealth's relationship with the monarchy over the last 70 years? I mean, it was a very strange day. I was at the Oval Cricket Ground, which was supposed to be the first day of the third test between England and South Africa. And news that the Queen was very ill was announced. There was a

very strange feeling about the place. There was a lot of rain around, so they didn't play any cricket anyway. And then I went to the BBC where we were due to record the first episode of the news quiz, which was then cancelled when the official announcement was made. And then I actually walked to Victoria Station from the BBC, which is near Oxford Circus, and I went past Buckingham Palace. On the way to Buckingham Palace, there were a lot of extremely full pubs, it should be said, people paying their respects in the traditional British way. And so I might have even walked past you then, Anne who has had, it was an interesting

thing, interesting thing to see. Let's get the show started officially before we go into this in a little more depth. We are recording on the 20th of September, the funeral was yesterday as we record, so the national period of mourning is now over. But looking back in history, this week in 1857, Anuval, the siege of Delhi reached a rather brutal, somewhat murderous conclusion in the kind of history when Britain prefer to flatly ignore, because it's more convenient that way. We don't have to rewrite the history out of which we'd already edited stuff like that. Because it makes us feel a bit awkward about some of the more imperial era relics that we like to feel proud about on important state occasions. I'll now share with you, and about everything I was taught at school about the Indian Rebellion of 1857. Yes.

Oh, there you go. That was illuminating. I've always wondered at the, I've seen some of your history books in Britain and it basically goes from the Battle of Trafalgar straight to defeating Hitler. And I wondered if you had any suggestions at the tip, on if you had to you had to fill those 200 years with history history any nonsense because you know what I cover the empire fair enough. What would you fill it with? Would it be cricket statistics? What would those 200 years?

What definitely hop. Definitely, definitely for me, you know, the career of WG grace and the birth of international cricket that came about the greatest peace and joy creating force the world has ever known. So I'll probably go with that. On the 21st of September, three years after that, 1860, the Battle of Palikow in the Second Opium War was a decisive British victory. The Britain's strategic objective in the Second Opium War was the legalisation of the opium trade as we tried to consolidate our position as the Pablo Escobar of the 19th century. Soon after that British troops

burned down the Chinese Empress summer palace. And again let me check my school history notes for a few more details on that one. You're all welcome. Remember, as the saying goes, those who are ignorant of history are doomed not to be haunted by its harrowing lessons of the depravity of humanity. As always, the section of the bugle is going straight in the bin and, well, we have to have this at this time in the United Kingdom. A commemorative audio supplement with highlights of every single minute silence observed over the UK over the

past 12 days, all layered over one another to give a unique commemorative audio momento of our National Morning and condensed into 1.5 seconds, so you can listen to it at, well, minute intervals for the rest of your lives. Here is our official conglomeration of all the minute silences of the last 12 days. You've spoiled it, Ann if I've spoiled it. Let's have another go. Let's have some successful. What's very disrespectful? Let's have another go. I'll take the clock on it. We've got to do a second and a half. Hang on. Here we go. I'll set the clock on it, we've got to do a second and a half, hang on, here we go.

That'll do. Also, in the bin, a special interview this week with Sestrangeford Pumpetigraft and the Royal Crown Sergeant Trainser of the Noggins since 1947, who gives the bugle his exclusive tips on how to strengthen your neck muscles to cope with a life of 24, 7, 365 crown wearing, plus added tips on how to sleep without your crown falling off. Because I know the new king is an avid listener of this show. Also, we have some of the history of the necocides performed by monarchs to hone their crown supporting musculoskeletia, his little snippets from that interview. Well, indeed, the average crown weighs of course 120 kilograms. Queen Victoria, by the midpoint of her reign, had a neck like an absolute will of beast. It was quite strikingly beautiful in a certain light, according to Benjamin, Disraeli. That came, of course, from years of balancing a seal

on her head for an hour every morning before breakfast on the advice of my predecessor, the Earl of Bakyshire. This of course was the origin of the Kipper as a breakfast food. It was something that both the seal and the Balcini Queen Victoria were prepared to eat whilst they discussed affairs of state. And going further back, the trend for elaborate necroths during the reign of the First Queen Elizabeth in the 16th century originated of course from her extraordinary large royal neculature. She ended to most potent, of course, when she headed a flaming cannonball off the white cliffs of Dover,

directly into the Spanish flagship El Butragonio in 1588, the turning point in the defeat of the Armada. I'm afraid that the full interview is in the bin. And can I just say this is my first time encountering royal commentators. Oh yes. They were out in all their glory. I think they had been waiting for years. This was their sort of major test match, if you will. And I think after day four, it was really difficult for them to say something inside

four. Yes. I'm not repeat. Dive. For Dive. Take minute 35. Yeah, that's better. That's better.

Yeah. What one of my favorites, I think by D6 was a gentleman saying it was a delight to meet him. She was wonderful. And he said, there's a few times. And then the main guy said, well, is there anything you have to add? And he said, well, she asked me, is that a door? And I said, yes, ma'am, that was the kind and warm person she was. And I think I think that's when

anecdotes have reached their complete nadir. I don't know. I think we can compete with that. There was a the corgis had no idea of her status. That's good. Yeah. And there was also the Queen's image in a cloud. Let's not forget the Queen's. We've seen the Queen's image in next to be telling me she's on stamps. This is just ridiculous. You're seeing her on stamps. telling me she's on stamps. This is just ridiculous. You're seeing her on stamps. You're seeing her on coins. She's everywhere. That was within that was in the first day. That was like the first day of commentary on it, but actually on the first day, like on Monday just got actually got my period out of respect for the queen. It's what she would have wanted. I do actually call it creeping the colour. So that. Well, I mean, it was interesting, wasn't it,

that the things that were announced as being out of respect for the Queen. And we saw this particularly in sport. So I mentioned that the test match I was out on day one. So the second day was canceled. And then they resumed the game on the schedule third day. And they announced that they were continuing with the cricket as a mark of respect for the

Queen, but to be able to pay tribute and there was a kind of moving minute silence and various other things at the ground. And Prince Philip was a big cricket fan and supporter of various cricketing charities in his time. But football cancelled all of its games out of respect for the Queen. And then boxing was cancelled, but rugby carried on. I don't know what, you know what that says about the relative levels and styles of violence that were and were not respects, respects for the Queen. Then on the resumption of football, Liverpool scored an injury time winner to beat Dutch Champions Iax as a mark of respect to the Queen, while Tottenham Hotspur lost

the sporting Lisbon also as a mark of respect to the Queen. And Chris, I know as a Tottenham Hotspur player, we look upon the Queen as an icon of stability and continuity. And I guess Spurs is defeat to Lisbon. I kind of adjust you that the Queen exemplified the fact that some things in this country must never change. Some traditions are inviolable and spurs losing it. Important for all matches is one of them. Is that how you interpret it? I was actually blaming Prince Charles for our defeat. I was like, for once I've got a new target.

Sorry, King Charles. Can I please get off this island? You were at the cricket and be surely, surely when you were at the cricket and they announced it, did one person go, well, she had a good innings? Well, you know, there was a kind of genuine outpouring of emotion around the country, as well as a lot of kind of, performing, performative, excessive respect

paying various TV journalists, making sure they were filmed whilst paying their respects. And some really weird things happen to us all centre-parks, the holiday parks, they incur the fury of their customers by announcing they would be closing their venues on the day of the funeral and telling the people who were staying there to stay somewhere else, which was not ideal given at Center Park as a holiday destination, is already the somewhere else that people were staying. They then backtracked appropriately because what we know about her Majesty of the Queen is she loved having somewhere to stay and ideally with a water

slide. This was middle-class crisis. I have not seen the middle-class rage since they ran out of freeshenet during Wimbledon. It was quite, I was like, oh, this is interesting. And then someone said, I think on Twitter, and I can't, we could probably find out who it was, but said, good luck.

You've spent a week training these people in archery, crossbow, swimming and hunting, all kinds of other things like they're not leaving without a fight. But it's absolutely insane. I think it was it and summers or one of those. Yes, well, it has to be said that businesses paid tribute to the Queen in some of the most moving social media posts in the five billion year history of this country. Lego land theme pop tweeted a picture of a Lego Queen because I think the Queen's reign will be remembered as the reign in which more children played with Lego than any other monarchs. And some as as you mentioned the undergarmentier and the Bidromial accoutrement retailer also paid tribute in a

tweet because no, I've got no f***ing idea why they do that. Why? Do it. The three loved our edible knickers, the edible thongs. We're going to take a day off selling this because people need time to really sit with their feelings. But not in that way.

The British Cabab Awards solemnly express their sadness and a tweet, a touching tribute to a moniconda whose reign, sales of cababs, have soared by thousands of percents. This is where we've collectively lost our minds. Like you don't mind people mourning, but just like watching a nation descend into madness is, you know, like the queue five miles long, I was like in nine months' time, we're gonna have all these queue babies. As a result, they say for true Cockney

is born within the sound of the bow bells. I think a true royalist will be conceived within view of Westminster Hall, Prattamonjay. But we've sort of entered into levels like, and everyone kind of doing in their own way, but then the policing of how other people did it, and if you weren't showing the expected levels of deference and the wall-to-wall coverage, it just felt like we were living on insane island, right? It was, it was, I mean, it was, it was kind of hard to, to discern where that, you know, because there were clearly a lot of people were hugely fond of the Queen, even people who weren't necessarily fond of the

monarchy as an institution. And, you know, people, you know, come to respect her over her long reign for the way she'd done a weird job quite impressively. Now I've got, you know, I have a weird job. I think she's one of the only people, you know, who has a weird, a weirder job than me as monarch is weird than cricket statistician, stroke, comedian. I think that is, you know, that is, so I respect her for doing that for so long. So there was a huge amount of both institutional and personal affection and gratitude in a lot of ways. And if you don't have a life of massive privilege, but also a huge amount of service. Now it is amazingly rare how to, how rarely, those two actually go together. It's usually one or the other, but to get both was, I guess, fairly rare.

But as you said, I mean, the queue was, and people were queuing up, up to 20 hours at one, point some people went around twice. And it was, well, it's quite amazing. They, the British addiction to queuing. Yes. And this kind of desire to feel part of a historic moment, I can sort of, you know, understand, understand.

There was a lot of complaints about queue-barging, as well from various TV celebrities and politicians. Beckham Cue, didn't he? There was like a lot of respect for the fact that Beckham Q, he joined it too in the morning. I was almost tempted to go down just to do a couple of hours in the queue to get the vibe, because I definitely think the B but gonna announce casting for the Q,

one Q, one epic romance. It's gonna be like, so if a sense of, because it is a huge time of change and I get it like my mom Well, you know watched the funeral and was very upset. She was upset the day off and she said she's been there my whole life So for someone like my mom I can sort of understand that sort of sense of constant What I don't understand is when other people are told off and not

Paying those yeah, yeah, absolutely. Same levels of like kind of, you know, morning or what's considered respectful or not respectful, I suppose. Like even people talking about Meghan holding hands with Harry, the level of commentary on that sort of mad, you know, like people on Twitter. And I was like, these people for real, and I was like, are these people for real? Like she's holding his hand.

She has to make it all about herself, but like Pearl clutching, like they were like Hollywood movie stars, like, whatever next, the show and affection in public and a town of Marlin, you know, like I was like, what do you, what do you, how do you think humans should behave? Like keep a respectful, simmering resentment from each other, you know, like that, that you actually, so it's, so it just, if people felt unhinged, maybe I was on Twitter too

much, but it definitely felt unhinged on Twitter. Oh, yes, well, to be honest, all life feels unhinged on Twitter, too. So I think particularly the time of it extreme, such as, and it was interesting that, you know, that everything sort of stops, stops, you know, kind of regular news stopped. But what was allowed to go on was the media handing of Harry and Meghan. That went unchecked. I don't know if it's that of some kind of mark of continuity

amidst this time of change. I'm not quite sure what the tradition of that was. BIRD BIRD BIRD BIRD BIRD BIRD BIRD BIRD Just this is my first time encountering you know what morning in Britain entails. Now about 15 years ago one of India's biggest movie stars Raj Kumar died in South India and we reacted in the uniform way Indian movie fans react by setting shops and buses on fire. And it was perfectly understandable because that's an understandable way of reacting. He was a big movie star. There were giant posters of him all across South India and we said buses and shops on fire. So immediately the police were called out and it was a natural outpouring of grief. It makes sense. The buses were empty, fair enough.

Now, this is my first experience with what morning entails for your 60 million people which is a conundrum you know because I encountered a large number of existential dilemmas people saying should all the shops be closed? Should they be open? Should all entertaining and dining be shut? Is that respect? Or is that disrespect? What would you have wanted? Should I swear a vow of silence? Should I keep talking? Should I keep have wanted? Should I swear a vow of silence? Should I keep talking? Should I keep my friends? Should I run a marathon?

Should I climb big ben? As a foreigner, I was seeing. And then sensibly, as a nation you decided, any sort of work would be disrespectful. Yes, at home. And I recommend using this as a tactic, whenever you're feeling lazy, every year on this day of her passing

Yes, and staying home It was a very good mark of respect because the queen had so many homes The the the Met Office Reduced the frequency of its weather forecasts as a mark of respect. It was unclear how giving more regular and detailed weather forecasts could be disrespectful, but it should also be added that reports have reached us that Tefnutt, the ancient Egyptian weather god, who still operates the weather in the northern hemisphere, albeit an less high profile way than 3,000 years ago, did agree to keep the weather as

predictable as possible throughout the 10-day state morning period. So it was, and it was, yeah, it wasn't too much rain, so thank you, Tefnutt, and the Met Office for that. British cycling strongly recommended that people did not ride their bicycles during the Queen's funeral as a mark of respect. That's very much up-sec Chris. That's a personal blow for Chris. Again, unclear. You know, unicycles, I could sort of understand that. Juggling? You're just like... On a unicycle disrespectful. Definitely. And you're up and down the aisle of Westminster Abbey during the funeral.

Fair and difficult. I can see that. cycling broadly is hard to see. Also the NHS put operations on hold for the day of the funeral and GP surgeries were closed. I don't know if that was a mark of respect or just basic staffing logistics, but either way that didn't seem appropriate and the petitions page on the Parliament website was shut down until after the period of morning just in case an opinion should be promulgated at this sad time of national reflection. So I just said a quick question Andy and Tiff on what you guys think of this. Again, my first observation of this, the Airbnb I'm staying in next door is a Taekwondo class. And they said the Taekwondo class instead

of the usual hour would be half an hour long in memory of the Queen and I just want to know if that's something she would have wanted, if that was disrespectful, disrespectful. I don't, I don't, I don't, you see the going ahead or not going ahead, a half a Taekwondo class. It feels like utterly pointless. What's going on? What sort of emphasise to me the the the strangeness of the monarchy in its position in this country? And I'm not I'm not I'm not an arts Republican. I'm not definitely not a monarchist. It's a it has a strange place doesn't it? That it's massively anti-democratic, but if we had a vote on it, all the polling suggests that people would vote to keep the anti-democratic institution, and it's, you know, a lot of people love it, particularly in the older generations, a lot of people are pretty skeptical about it. I think quite a lot of people are fairly ambivalent towards it. But it's just the the instant promotion of the bookies favorite Prince Charles to become king with literally not a heartbeat mist. I mean, no, it's it didn't emphasize how strange it all is

and you know, we're having to rejig our national anthem of which I as repeatedly stayed on the bugle, I'm not a fan, appealing to a deity that I don't believe in to save someone who already has the best medical care and security detail money Can possibly buy I believe their wasted words apart from it being a musical dutch But there've been other promotions and reallocations. They've been reprinting Wales has had a princess inventation of Williams wife Kate she's now Princess of Wales Camilla

Prince Charles's wife has been officially Consortificated I believe is the technical term, and Prince Andrew has been left in the care of two corgis. So it's all changed. The Queen consort sounds like the last chocolate left in the box after coffee and orange creed. It really is, it really is. Oh no, just there's any Queen consort left. I don't want one of those. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa of the Commonwealth, thanks to our, well I may, let's, you've been basically described it as shared history. It's highly voluntarily shared, but shared. Now, let's, what was the reaction? Because I know a lot of people in India are still awaiting

for an official apology from the British state for some of the more, shall we call them enthusiastic excesses. I've been passed some of the more, should we call them enthusiastic excesses, have them pass some of the more elagenous, executative bloopers or the more famine exacerbating or masochistic abominable assumes, that's I believe they're called, or the more diamond swiping trickle treaties and the the more acquisitive impilferings, it is an apology what India wants from Charles. Well the BBC headline was very good. It said India pays respectful indifference to the state funeral. And I don't know what respectful indifference is,

but Indian Twitter, and Tiph was out Twitter went crazy. Indian Twitter went absolutely berserk about the Kohino Diamond, because it seemed like, however, inappropriate it might be. It seemed like this was a good time for uncouth people and Twitter to come and say these things and they were saying give us the Ko-Hino back and they were Transfixed on the fact that the thing that the jewel that sits on top of the Queen's crown is the Ko-Hino which in fact it is not it sits in the Queen Mother's crown and I think it's in the Tower of London. Yes. And then Twitter started putting up photographs of random jewelry saying that this belongs to the Queen. So there's a lot of people in there have moved on, Andy, and in fact the day before her demise, Prime Minister Modi renamed Rajput, which was the central avenue of Delhi, leading to the

Viceroy's house. The Rajput of the British Raj, he renamed it to Karthavya Path, which is the part of hard work. And he said we need to shed our colonial baggage and all of that ill-timed because it just happened about 20 minutes before the Queen passed away. And then immediately that evening he said that he was a huge fan of the Queen. And he was because Prime Minister Modi, who's obviously personal likes and dislikes now guide a 1.3 billion people, got some sort of a present from the Queen that Mahatma Gandhi had given her. And this is what I've realized, if you reign for 70 years, you can re-gift stuff

from generations of great leaders. If she might have some stuff from Emperor Nero that she can pass on to Mario Draghi, you know, there are things you can do if you've been in charge. But I just want to say one very quick thing about the monarchy, and I just want to know what you guys think of this.

And we've discussed this on this podcast, Andy Tiff. I'm a huge fan of monocles but not the wishy washy constitutional kind because there's too much leeway to the general public and it's dangerous. I mean you want to get old school on it, you want to go back to? Exactly. And the Emperor Akbar, for example, the great Indian Emperor ruled for 66 years. Now, if he found out that you just respected him, he'd have your head smashed with an elephant. And then you sort of know where you stand. So, under an elephant. So, benevolent waving and constitutional neutrality doesn't cut it for you,

and if you want elephants on heads. It's meek, it's meek and so my request to your public is just two things. Please bring back drawing and quartering and be heading. America is obsessed with the British monarchy very much. Here's what you could have had. Donald Trump, he threw some shade at Joe Biden, the president, because he was seated near the back of the funeral service. And Trump said there's no way he would have been treated like that. Well, for a start, well done, Donald, for making the state funeral of our national state granny all about you. But it was also an interesting revelation that evidently as president, past and perhaps

future, Trump was contemplating either joining the Commonwealth or re-adopting the British monarchy or even reapplying for colony status because that is why Biden was so far back because the Commonwealth heads of state were in front in front of him. So maybe this is Trump's unique way were in front in front of them. So maybe this is this is Trump's unique way of saying America made a mistake and wants to rejoin the United Kingdom. Yeah. There was me just thinking it was because Biden didn't get on the bus. Like the bus was fascinating, wasn't it? Well, there was there was there was an interesting apparently the German president arrived in a

Black BMW with the number plate Germany won or GER1, which I laughed. I liked the idea that actually if we're going to play to the stereotype that before getting into Westminster Hall, the Germans had laid down a couple of towels on the front of Houston, make sure they got the best seats. And President Matarella of Italy was dropped off in a Maserati. I mean come on! What happened to the state Vespa for instance? Yeah, that would have been cooler but you've got to, everyone was really sort of playing

to tight with this but there was a motorcade wasn't there for Biden and then everyone else on the minibus and it's like that one person whose dad drops them off and is Rolls Royce like and so yeah I mean it was it was they were asked to this is what according to Politico Westminster Abbey informed the world leaders they were told there would not be permitted to use their own state cars and they were also asked to arrive via commercial flights where possible to this ceremony which is an excessive display of wealth and paddentry but keep it low key if you're coming guys. I have respect to the fact that she was better than you.

Charles' crown has its own car, and then you've got like sort of dignitaries arriving from around the world and heads of state, but like get your sandwiches and you're right being there because you're going on a bus, mate. There was something that Justin Trudeau did the night before. He was staying at the Savoy and he joined the people at the piano bar to sing songs from the band Queen to Respect the Queen. And that was not seen in very good life. Also, I've realized another that I spent more and more time in this country, that it's impossible to explain this country to anyone, right?

How do you, for example, tell the world that I love you for this country means I will join a stoic queue and associate my beloved monarch with a fictional Peruvian immigrant bear who loves marmalade sandwiches. How do these things connect? How do I go back to India and explain to people that these four disparate things are connected? Well, I mean, if you try to start understanding Britain and all its rituals, you've made a massive mistake. You have to accept it.

But it's part of being British, you just accept it, you don't question it, you're an examiner. The funeral was a fascinating occasion and spectacle. The Queen was, you know, a few of us are exemplifying the best of British modesty, peacefulness, humility, and what better way to pay tribute to that than by a mile-long procession and military personnel, tulled up with everything from machine guns to weapon-great-saws to a tactical nuclear weapon disguised as a fancy hat. It was an extraordinary procession, also a total sell-out, huge, huge crowds.

Certainly the biggest crowds in London since the protest in favour of a second vote on Brexit in 2019, another moment of shared communal loss and emotion. It was, at once, an incredible choreographed performance and unbelievably fucking ridiculous. And that is what we do best in this country. We do fancy dress parades better than any nation in the world could possibly dream of. And I mean, it's hard to, you ask these questions,

you know, when you're just watching the parade, AnuVab, you'll ask, well, a number of things about the funeral itself and the parade, I mean, why was Boris Johnson there? No real reason, other than the fact that they invited all eight living current and former prime ministers John Major Tony Blair Gordon Brown, David Cameron Theresa May Boris Johnson and aching void of nothingness and Liz Truss. Mr. void of nothingness stood in, well Boris Johnson's an absolutely f***ing gold during his last few months as Prime Minister and is of course set to become Lord Void of nothingness when Johnson's valedictory on his list is announced.

You might also ask why was the coffin pulled on a gun carriage by 142 sailors? And that of course was in tribute to Jeff Boycott's series turning innings of 142 out of the SCG in the 1970s, 71 ashes. Another question you might have asked watching the funeral is, why do the drummers put their sticks under their noses whilst drumming? I don't know if you know, so they do a little bit drumming, and then the drumstick could go up under their nose. I did a bit of research into this, and it's because it's a tradition that goes back to the 18th century that drummers in the 18th century

that drummers in the British military have to smell that their drumsticks are made of wood. Because this came after a disastrous defeat during the war of Percival's cheek, the Battle of Denys Chavez, where French agents snuck into the British encampment, switched all their drumsticks for cheese straws and rendered the British infantry unable to march into battle in time. Because the drumstick straws disintegrated to crumbs within the first three minutes of the advance. Ever since then all drummers have to sniff their drumsticks for cheeseness, at least every eight whacks. So that blows out my theory. I always thought it was so they could drum a bit and then go, oh look, moustache. Also, and apologies, Bugles, if I have said this before, she did exemplify hope of a more egalitarian future for this nation because the queen lived a

very long, healthy, happy working life, still working until days before she passed away. She was given a regular income, somewhere to live, no questions are. So essentially, she was a trial scheme for universal basic income, which is often put forward as a means of dealing with some of the economic inequalities of our times, often derided as costly and effective lefty twaddle, but the Queen showed how well it can work, which makes a Queen the most effective left-wing political and economic experiment in British history. So, let us give a give a give credit and thanks to that. So let us give credit and thanks to that. I mean, some people say that the monarchy is what makes us as a nation.

Other people say it restrains and restricts us as a nation. I think both sides are right, essentially. But I can't see it changing in the next 50 years by which the I fully intend to be one or more of living in space with Elon Musk in his band of time traveling Renegades or you and Secretary General or No one rents in his player or dead or host of last week tonight. So I did not really go affect me too much in in my lifetime and I think there's so many more things that are more urgent to address in this guy I would like to see it scale back and I the sort of pomp in the tradition leaves me a little bit cold but I appreciate that, you know, a lot of people like it. But there's so many more things about our

political system that I think are more urgent, whether it's our first-part of post-system political patronages and other house of lords and people that are the capital. 70% of the cabinet being privately educated. Yes, so I think there's this thing that we need to address more urgently than one of the few things that has actually been discernibly functioning as it's vaguely supposed to. If you had to do one job for 70 years, what would you, what would you most like to do? Well, I'd like to be a monarch or dean by God. I think it's really good. I think it's definitely better than being petty Indian comedian travelling the world. I go, I was going to say I quite like being a petty comedian

travelling the world. So if we could just keep this going, um, you know, and also film star, you know, so let's, let's work on it. Go. Let's work on it. I mean, yeah, could I, you know, would I enjoy part of it is like how much do you enjoy bagpipes? You've got to bear that in mind if you're going to be a queen or a king because that's how

you're woken up in the morning. A piper wakes you up and you know listen my dad's Scottish but he's like you know you're bladder bag the the old bladder bags going off you know he's not he's not a mad fan of it and I live with a Scotsman who is not you know overly effusive he's like I don't mind it a bit but it quite overbearing. So you've got to bear that in mind. If you're going to be a monarch, that's what you're waking up to. That's your alarm clock. My alarm clock currently is my cat vomiting in another room of the house. Right. Which is quite an effective alarm clock because nothing will get you out of bed quicker than some another room. It's quite similar to bagpipes and

keep squeezing the cat to make sure it's got it all out. There was a lot of bagpipes at the funeral which I'd assumed was, you know, they knock on the Pope's coffin and they'd check that he's dead. And I think that's what we do with monarchs in this country is we play bagpipes for an hour. No, if you're not 100% dead at some point, you're going to say f***, that racked up. It's a long time to be to do a job. The population of the world tripled from 2.6 billion to around about 8 billion under the Queen's Rainer. She unleashed an era of unquenchable romance as the...

I don't know if you were going to say the banging era, an era of banging. This was a stat that I found quite interesting. The oldest MP to be in Parliament during the Queen's reign was born in 1871 and the youngest was born in 1996. So that's a long time, that's 125 years worth of births of MPs. There were 15 Prime Ministers, 16 if you include the aching void of nothingness during the Queen's reign. Well listen, she saved us from Boris doing a speech at the funeral. Like the Queen has got so much to know, she knew what she was doing. She was doing. Yeah. There have been 71 England cricket captains from Donald Car

and Molly Hyde to Ben Stokes and that's it. And 31 Securities of State for Education or Variations on that post, which really should tell British children, how f***ing low they are in our national priority list. Well, look, we are running out of time on this people. We did have quite a lot to get through in terms of British politics, but I think that might have to wait until next week. And also, then the incoming trust government will have unleashed what it's you for basically calling a fiscal event.

It's like an emergency budget, but they're calling it a fiscal event. It's like an emergency budget, but they're calling it a fiscal event, or panic-ridden shift storm, I believe, is the official economic terminology. We will report back on that next week. We have also run out of time to cover other major news stories, including the Chess Grandmaster anal beads conspiracy, which might be the greatest news story in the history of all humanity with all due respect to the Bible writers and other historians. I mean, we can't really go into it in superficial. This is a story that requires a full, a full analysis. We're going to save that for a future bugle. Because this has been a time of, well, of sadness, of loss. The retirement of Roger Federer has hit me very hard indeed and we'll never really be able to look at the world the same

again once that sumptuous backhand has played its last stroke. Thank you very much for joining us for our British 10 days of morning and national fantasy special. Don't forget to buy tickets to the Bugle 15th anniversary live tour shows available online now from any computer you can get your hands on. Shows in London on the 15th which I think is sold out and 22nd of October and Glasgow are we adding an extra show in Glasgow Chris? I don't know Andy, are we? Well, we'll sort that out.

Let's try and sort that out in the next couple of days out of respects for Majesty, Dublin and Birmingham. Details on the internet, also at theBeglePodcast.com, which is part of the internet. I'm also doing some satiris for high shows in mid-November details also on the internet. So if anything coming up? I'm doing Abba Risswiss, comedy festival on the first of October I think. So I'm doing my show Sexy Brain at that. So yeah, buy some tickets to that and

I have other live shows, but if you just go to my Twitter, active Stevenson or the Instagram, you can watch clips of me losing my mind and find out where I'm playing live shows. Adam Ab, Andy, I'm still getting over the words chess and anal beads in the same sentence. So I've been quiet for a while because it's been, I don't know whether this episode is about homage or anal beads of how much respect. But podcasts all last week has restarted and we are doing a podcast about conundrums from India, and it's available with podcasts available. And I'm doing a live show at Market Dreaten,

which is a town in Tropshire, and the show is about Lord Clive, whatever he was of India, and he came to my hometown with some intention so I'm going to his now. Revenge 250 years in the market. That's on Thursday the 22nd. So by the time people listen to this it will be done.

Thank you for listening, Beugluss. We'll be back next week. you