The Bugle - Obama and his Al-Qaeda style video

Episode Date: March 23, 2009

The 68th ever Bugle podcast, from 2009. Written and presented by Andy Zaltzman and John OliverThis is a classic episode from The Bugle, to support us, and to keep the Bugle alive and free of ads, please visit http://thebuglepodcast.com/ Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Dancelaguard fans, you will be thrilled to know a book is coming out if you fund it via Unbound. We are publishing the Dancelaguard Reader by Alice Fraser and Dancelaguard, a glorious insight into the world of Dancelaguard, self-published romance maven, and online bestseller. If you would like to find out how to support it, go to thebugelpodcast.com. If we get enough support, we will publish the book. That's a real thing that's going to happen. Thebugelpodcast.com to support the Danciler Guard Reader. A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A Audio newspaper for a visual world. Hello, Buglers, and welcome to Bugle 68 for the week beginning Monday the 23rd of March, 2009 with me Andy Zoltzmann here in the geographically undeniable City of London and in the sweetly fragrant Spring City of New York.

In the cute little country of the USA, it's John Hoops Oliver. Hello Andy, hello Bueglis, Hoops, Hoops Oliver. I heard you've been whirling a hula hoop around for three other days. That's right, I was at a botical reference, I was gonna say, that would be wrong. So in fact, floor gymnastics. I had to go for a medical this week, Andy,

that was part of my application for a Greek card in my ongoing tango with US immigration. And this in itself seems strange because to argue that you need to be physically fit to live in America. It's slightly undermined by the size of many of the people who live here. Unless that's what it's all about, I'm under weight and they won't let me in until I've piled on enough weight that I need to leave my apartment each morning by being winched out of a window by a crane. I had to get a bunch of immunization shots and give blood for a tuberculosis test. Tuberculosis! Maybe I hadn't been clear enough on my form. I'm from England, not pre-industrial revolution England. The doctor always cuban. He rolled up my sleeve and started getting

ready with this spiky thing and said, look to me, with real serious desires. What do you think of Castro? I said to him, well, what is the best answer to give? Very admired what you're about to do to me. And even Crossroads said, I don't like Castro. I hate him. And he stuck me with the needle on the word hate. He decided to talk about something else,

a different subject. He might have been a bit more gentle. Anyway, the point is, I'm going to get the results after this. America really make your work for it, Andy. This is better than worth it. Immunization shots. That sounds like some kind of photo shoot

for a strange fetishistic website. And we'll just do a few immunization shots now, love. No, you look beautiful, it's art. Are you up to date on your tetanus sweetheart? So with me in the special beautiful Samproof Safe this week, I'm delighted to say we are joined by Dominique Strauss-Karnley, Managing Director of the International Monetary Funds. Hi there Dominique, how's it going?

Well it's got a lot of interesting stuff to say about the state, the World Economy No Doubt, and we'll be not hearing it later in today's show. It's the Mughalfee Mutform Monday the 23rd March, which means that it is 234 years exactly since the US Revolutionary Pin-Up Patrick Henry said, Give me Liberty or Give me Death. Now John, that is a game show I would pay to watch. Haha, that's to be fair, you know, fair, famous words from Big Pat, but with high

tight they do sound like the words of a man who was really just opening negotiations with himself and was going to haggle himself down from liberty or death. Deliberately starting with two diametrically opposed positions, but you know he's just kind of making sure that he can keep both his freedom loving side and his suicidal side happy by reaching some kind of compromise, probably allowing himself some liberty maybe a 9km curve you'd keep himself under control and some death maybe taking up smoking or bare wrestling so you know he's a happy man basically all I'm saying is he was misinterpreted at the time and it's also a hundred years since Teddy Roosevelt who just packed up and moved out

the White House put his pith helmet in a suitcase 12 dismiss darsh and went on a cheeky little post-presentative safari, on which he bravely killed or trapped, not one, not two, not three, but 11,000 animals, including 512 big game creatures, including hippos, rhinos and stuff like that. 512, why that number you may well ask, well obviously Roosevelt wanted to have a straight nine-round knockout composition to find his favourite dead animal. And I guess once he'd killed more than 256 realistically had to go as far as 512 or he's left with it having to do a qualifying round and that's not really fair on any of the animals he'd killed.

But as so often happens with presidents, their acts and spawn traditions and since then every retiring president has had to personally hunt down and kill 11,000 animals, ideally bringing some species to the brink of extinction and currently George's W. Bush is on 4,500 but only off the running of mock in a catarie and getting a job in an abattoir. Well, interestingly Teddy Roosevelt famously also said, speech softly and carry a big stick. You will go far, he explained why he was much in demand as a mafia sidekick, a boatary advisor and a snooker coach, but less so as a copped for a boat race crew,

a helicopter pilot, an astronaut, and hamlet. This is of course Bugle 68. As always we have a section of the Bugle going straight in the bin this week. As it's Bugle 68 we have a special feature section on the number 68. Going straight in the bin. As always we have a section of the bugle going straight in the bin this week as it's bugle 68 we have a special feature section on the number 68 going straight in the bin and Interestingly John 68 degrees centigrade is the ideal temperature you don't need me to tell you this for developing black and white film So for this addition of the bugle is being recorded in the dark with John and I bathing and developing liquid fully clothed though, we're not animals

Six-deh also the number inches in height of no less than four American presidents. Can you guess them? Times up. It's Harrison, Polk, Taylor and Grant in descending height order. Actually, they're all equal at five foot eight What about some average retall men? They were John so if someone says my, my, you must be as tall as James K. Polk, then if they've signed up right, you're 5'8". So deal with it. There's nothing wrong with it. And if you are 5'8", this week's bugle will include a free, inaudible bonus silent joke at the end of the podcast. 68 AD, of course, also the year in which Roman Emperor Nero killed himself.

So we ask this question, if you are a Roman Emperor, what year would you kill yourself in? That section in the bin. Top story this week and OMG! The Pope, as they call him in Queens Pup-pup-pup-pup-punit Do they really job? No, what kind of church have you been going to? You know, you know the Pope the one who does his business in the woods that one

He yeah, he went to Africa this week and now I know that sounds like the start of a joke But it's actually true. He's there for a week long tour and what a tour It's gonna be Andy. He's going to be playing all his greatest hits, God Hater Borshians, Game Arroges Wrong. That one's been very good to him over the years. And of course, the crowd wouldn't let him leave without that old Catholic classic, Don't Use Condoms.

It's the stairway to heaven of his back catapult. And he put his divine foot in his divine mouth, even before landing in a plane. He wasn't, he wasn't personally flying there. The Pope can't fly as far as I know. By saying, condoms are not the answer in the continent's fights against AIDS. Ah, it is a thing Andy, they are. That's why it's so annoying that he would say something like that. And when I say annoying, I mean f***ing annoying. Now you want to give people space to say whatever they want.

When it's a man in his supposedly holy compassionate position, saying things like that, you really want to tell him to go f***ing wrong. You mean you don't say that because of the position he's in, but you desperately want to. Of course some of the Catholic Churches on say but you desperately want to. Of course, some in a Catholic church, you'll say that AIDS has no track with condoms, and that your cheeky little AIDS virus looks at latex and thinks, I'm getting through that. I'll tell you, I'm getting through that,

and I'm going to infect, that is just the way I roll. Of course, science does take a slightly different view from that. The Pope, of course, is suggesting abstinence rather than contraception. And I guess at least you can certainly not accuse the man of not practicing already quite literally preachers. And I guess you can't really take abstinence much further than being poked these days. Anyway, of course, back in the middle ages being poked

was pretty much an excuse for dipping it in anything that moved. That's it, me. Who better to give advice on sex, honey, than the pope? That's certainly a super barrier of expertise for him. I've always said, if I want advice on theology, I'll go to the UN Surgeon General. But if I want advice on sexually transmitted diseases, I head straight for the pontiff.

You can't buy that kind of experience. Benedict said that the Roman Catholic Church was, on my quote, at the forefront of the battle against AIDS. Let's really hope they don't actually represent the forefront, or people are going to want to know where all that AIDS research of money has gone. Well, they are at the forefathers, aren't they? They're just on the wrong side of it.

They're putting up above what machine gun posts. He went on to say, you can't resolve this with the distribution of condoms. On the contrary, it increases the problem. And then went on to even object to the use of condoms between married couples. Okay, that pushed him over the edge, Andy. He can now go f**king self. As long as he does it safely. I think the best way of looking at this situation is that reality and the Pope have basically had a divorce. Now, I know the Catholic church has a very strict view

on divorce as well, but let's face it, the relationship between the Vatican and reality has been increasingly strained for decades. I'm not sure that they've even been talking for the last few years. It's best for both parties that they go their separate ways. A good love to them. Let's hope they each find someone else. I think the Pope may have a very happy future with magic. I'm not really want to talk about this, John. I've had far more children than the Pope has. I've had two to nil, I think. Means I've had infinitely more children percentage-wise than the Pope.

So in many ways, he's done more personally to curve over population than I have. But I guess on a broader scale, I have never discouraged the people of the world from taking basic health and safety measures to control the spread of these and reduce unwanted pregnancy. So I guess in this one,'s sort of one or all.

Yeah. And this issue has divided even clergy who work with AIDS patients about 22 million people in Sub-Saharan Africa, infected with HIV. And in 2007, three quarters of all AIDS deaths worldwide were there. So to combat this instead of condoms, what is the Vatican's big plan for combating the AIDS pandemic in Africa? They favor non-artificial contraception, including fidelity, marriage, and abstinence

from pre-marital sex, and that's it. Keep it simple. It also seems to be a plan from the 17th century when people were too busy dying of plague to worry about dying of AIDS. And not content to throw hail mares at lethal diseases. He also turned his holy eye to the global economy, making it appeal for international solidarity.

Now you might think, what does that mean? Is the Pope about to say something interesting? Well, no, he isn't, because he went on to point out that while the church does not propose specific economic solutions, it can give spiritual and moral suggestions. Oh, that's great! Everything's going to be fine then. Spirituality is of course the cornerstone of keensian economics. I don't blame the Pope for the spread of AIDS.

I think we're shooting the messenger here. I think there's only one thing to blame for the spread of AIDS. And that is the AIDS virus itself. Right. When it's cocky, it's arrogant, it's selfish. It has no real regard for the well-being of others. It's an arsehole, as well. no real regard for the well-being of others. It's an asshole, but well. Well, without wanting to sound racist, I'll go as far as I say, as I dislike all viruses. I'm not a violent man, but if a virus knocked on the door of the Bugle offices right now,

I would punch it right in the face, a little shit. Spoiling people's lives, of course you then get the virus rights campaigners picketing the Bugle and trying to shut us down, and you have some guy, absoling down my microphone wrapped in a save the virus banner banner, but you know, no one wants to see that. I'm prepared to stand up for my beliefs. Both the French and the German foreign ministers agreed that the Pope's comments were a hugely irresponsible move. And when you've united the Germans and the French behind something, you know you are doing something bad. Because to get those two together is not easy.

Throughout history it's basically only been the opposition to the last Iraq war and this, that's it. Hope also told a mass in Africa. The Africa is a continent of hope which does seem to me looking at the state of Africa, a bit of positive spin John. I guess it's a bit like an estate agent telling you that a property has got a lot of potential after it's just been bombed during an earthquake in the middle of a snake infestation. Revolution news now and there was another revolution somewhere in the world last week but where was it? Well I have the result here. The latest revolution comes from, is it your home country? Are you about to have to put a new portrait on your wall? Madagascar!

Congratulations to Madagascar and commiserations to all the other unstable regimes who entered. Better luck next time. Yep, Madagascar has been very much living up to the first three letters of its name recently. Military back to Koo, headed by a former disc jockey. Yes. This is what world politics is all about these days, John. He's been the elected president Mark Ravella Manana has been booted out by a common bless you, by a combination of upstart 34-year-old ex-groupster, Andre Rajo Alina. Bless you.

Public protest, military backing and the courts. So it's a pretty messy situation. Rage accused Rav of being a wasteful tyrant. Rav hit back and said Rage was using terror and repression to overthrow him. It all got messy, the military became involved and all of a sudden Rav is out and Rage has pronounced himself new, head boy of Madagascar. Now this of course, John, is not standard behaviour for a DJ. Admittedly, I guess most of the content just to knock out a few tunes and see how party

people make some noise every now and again or whatever it is they do. Or I guess if they're a radio DJ, just to be aggressively flirtatious with travel reporters and pretend to like obviously dismal pop tunes rather than run for mayor of Antelina Rivo, start agitating against the government over the perceived selling out of the country to overseas multinationals, go gone over the support of military factions Spokane violent unrest then overthrow the president and install themselves as leader provoking up wrong Contornation from other nations in Africa and around the world the former DJ mr. Ragellina address support is in the capital on Wednesday to promise a return to Normal life to security and above all national reconciliation and he then, now here's how deep is your love,

by the Bee Gees. You're listening to Madagascar's new government, let's talk more music. Ahead, traffic on the ones. I'm a watch mate. On the ones. On the one of every time, you know, 11, 21. You get some traffic.

Oh, I see, right. That's standard DJs, Patter. No, I'm not familiar with that mate. You'd be an awful DJ. You're a fool. Yep. I guess you'd be more awful DJ. You're awful. Yep. I guess you'd be more a club DJ than a radio DJ, because you don't have to give out traffic

if a way to when you're playing club sets. That's right. You obviously call Cox, stopping at the middle of playing some huge drum and bass. I'm saying the A505 has snalled up a little bit. It's trying to avoid the area. Inch-in-ch-j-j-j-j. A president or not, Rajolina, is a 34-year-old

former disc jockey, and there are always certain things which make you think you're not achieving anything with your life, Andy, when you realise that your favourite athletes are all younger than you, that some of your favourite musicians have already recorded their best work and died of a drug overdose younger than you, and then of course, that someone has overthrown

an African country before hitting 35. And you're 34. Yep. You have an overthrown a single African country. You have not still got three years. Not four in a trying, John. I know, I'm just saying, it's still very, very much part of my long-term plan.

Now the daily show and the bugle of just stepping stones. I'm coming for you, Tanzania. But a DJ becoming president, John. This to me sounds like the plot of a mid-budget 1980s comedy starring Michael J. Fox. Yes, the DJ. That's the DJ who somehow has to lead his country through an economic downturn without once turning into a wolf. Andy, I'm in LA next week. I will pitch it.

Pitch it, John. I'll pitch it. I'm pitching that movie. And now will pitch it. Pitch it, John. I'll pitch it. I'm pitching that movie. And now a Madagascar fact box. Madagascar has been an island for more than 50 years. However, Madagascar is tethered to the sea bed with string, and if a shark ever bites through that string,

Madagascar will float across the Indian Ocean and smash into the west coast of Australia, starting a war. More people live in Madagascar than your eye have had hot dinners. across the Indian Ocean and smash into the west coast of Australia, starting a war. More people live in Madagascar than your I have had hot dinners. You can see Madagascar's from space and vice versa, so I'm told. And who might have doubt these self-reclamed door to door astronauts would keep banging on my door to tell me these things? Well congratulations to Madagascar and space, but I'm still not going with you in your

special rocket. I've got a family now. But ironically, space actually begins 100 kilometers above Madagascar, whereas the African mainland is 250 kilometers away, which means that Madagascar is 60% close to space than to Africa, which means that Madagascar is effectively a UFO. Madagascar is bigger than the Beatles geographically. No man is an island, but if Madagascar was a man, it would be called Umburto and would at 226,000 square miles be the biggest man in the world. And also if Madagascar was better at sport, I'd probably know some more interesting facts about it, so it's only got itself to blame.

Irish Prime Minister speech news now, and the Irish Prime Minister Brian Cowan delivered the traditional White House and Patrick's Day speech, and in doing so, made a spectacular goof, Andy. Now everyone loves goofs, but this was a particularly good goof. The speech that Obama had just delivered moments before was accidentally still on the teleprompter. So probably to Brian Cowan, just started reading that again, including a passage that introduced himself. He started saying, we begin by welcoming today a strong friend of the United States, and then continued for about 20 seconds before realizing what had happened.

He should have kept going. See it through to the end of the speech and refuse to admit that he made a mistake. That would have been far more entertaining than backing out. I mean, he might have gone away with it, I guess, you know. And he could even have claimed that Obama had stolen his speech. But sadly, we did notice, as after 20-odd seconds, do you say, or in layman's terms, after the 10th use of the words Hope and Change. But I think maybe this was actually deliberate, John.

I think this could be the start of Obama, the prankster president, deliberately swapping people's speeches around. Because international politics is a pretty serious game these days. So you can't blame him for trying to just, you know, lighten it a bit with a few little gags. I mean, you imagine Shavez up at the United Nations for his annual bout of America bashing. And all of a sudden Obama's done a cheeky little girl on the teleprompter and their shoves going once upon a time there was a lovely country called America and everyone loved America hang on Obama we're like you again but somehow I just can't hate you as much as the last guy this just goes to

show how infectious Obama is he is so good a speaker the people don't just want to emulate him they want to copy him verbatim. Hamid Karzai has taken to perform the Yes We Can speech to anyone who listened to him. An Angela Merkel in Germany has been heard talking about how difficult it was for her growing up fatherless as a black man in America. Of course this kind of thing has happened before John, probably of course, to Jesus. And the recently discovered Gospel according to some Keith. Tells the story of how Jesus picked up the wrong role of papyrus one day and started reading out the local travel news instead of a new parable.

He began, my children, there's been a donkey pile up on the Bethlehemton Nazareth road, up to 20 animals involved in that one, police were advising you to avoid the area. Oh, I think this is the wrong one. Oh yeah, that was this. No, no, that's my novel. That's not finished. And I'll suggest some chick-lit.

Here we all have our secret guilty pleasures. Right, this is the one, the parable of the goby barman. How was your son Patrick's day, Andy? Pretty sensational, John, just, you know, traditional roast leprechaun. That's not tradition, Andy, that's barbaric. I had to film a piece during the St Patrick's Day parade, which was some,

guess it was kind of like filming a piece in hell. I was groped for 90 minutes by drunk 18 year old girls. All right. And I was absolutely no fun. Really? What were you wearing? I was not asking for it.

Don't put this on me, Andy. Just say it on. I know you're free to express yourself however you want, but I don't know I can't wear Bermuda shorts instead of Speedo's. It's my right. In other Obama news, Barack Obama has sent a video message to the people of Iran. John the show to the Obama is learning from al Qaeda's successful marketing tactics. Clearly, I need to take it a step further with a bit more smiling and slightly friendly rhetoric, which I think is an improvement.

And once again, Obama is breaking new ground for humanity, Johnny, showed it's possible for a black man to become president of America. Now, he's shown that it's possible to release a video message without calling for the death of all infadels in the destruction of the satanic worst, and also without having a load of machine guns in the background. So it's a definite step forward for the video messages that form a political communication. [♪ INTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ And now it's a bugle fitness section!

We've been paying for this fitness section and the last 68 bugles and it's the first time we're using it. It's just not cost effective. Before we can go into it. The key is for everyone to limber up properly before attempting to listen to our good point. This part of the but not. Let's try a quick but we'll work out first.

Let's just shake out your downloading finger and tweak it and stretch and bend the knuckle and press. Good, okay. If they got again, they just take to listen. So let's work the inner ear now and listen and relax and listen and press. Good, okay. Now you've got to get into shape to listen, so let's work the inner ear now. And listen, and relax, and listen, and relax, and work it. Right, now you could have loosened up your bullshit receptors. I'll just give you a nice little gentle bit of bullshit to warm you up. Rabbits have no liver. And let it in, and let it out. I don't know, one, the Dwo the two homo influence is infested with scorpions

And in and finally let's crunch those audio quads and work it and pump it and honk it and groove it. Thank you, money maker Work those sonic delts Because we all got to stay fit you you know, otherwise we will die. And there's a number of different ways. Andy, I don't want to break it here. I mean, we will die anyway, really? Oh, no. I said all right.

No. Now isn't the time to have this discussion with you. So maybe you got a point, because otherwise Harold Abrahams will still be alive. He was an Olympic champion. Most parents teach their children to deal with the concept of death by buying them pets and watching them die, but are you going to use the Harold Abraham as a bar? That's not the entire reason for buying a pet, John. Of course it is. You know, you just buy a pet, take it home, put it on the kitchen table and just start battering it. No, it's not. It's just saying, look, put his child, love, love this animal and watch it die. This is what's

going to happen to all of us. That's what, that's what a pet is for. The fun nailing it to a board and ripping its liver out. You had strange parents, John, very old attitude to all its animals. There are a number of decent ways to stay fit. One, eat nothing but whale blubber. And itself, of course, whale blubber is not particularly healthy, it's in fact quite fatty, but the work in acquiring, the process of personally hunting down, wrestling and killing a whale, stripping its blubber and then swimming home again, that should get you into shape, so that's one good thing to do. You can take up a new sport, or to just ultimate fighting, that's pretty all around exercise, And if you can't get yourself into a decent UFC club, I guess you could just find your angriest neighbor

and provoking by hitting him on the head with a chair. Or stealing his bin. Yeah. Well, actually just provoked a nice cleansing bout of lawless brawling. So you're, you're, you're, you've got that exercise for free. A number of different forms of exercise that I can also recommend. Soxercise. Change your socks 25 times a day that will stretch out your hamstrings and also probably improve your abs. And there's Fretocise which you give yourself

plenty of stuff to worry about. And you know the process of fretting you know you burn off a lot of extra calories, you maybe leave your house unlocked, walk down dark alleys, things like that. You know the nervous energy, the process of fretting, you know, you burn off a lot of extra calories, you know, maybe leave your house unlocked, walk down dark alleys, things like that, and you know, the nervous energy, the kind of extra pace that you walk with in an effort to get home quickly before you have to get burbled. That adds up to a lot of calories used. And two bits of fitness safety advice, don't play squash in a line enclosure and never bench press a coffin or a funeral without bribe permission from the deceased deceased relatives. So that is your bugle fitness section. May you all live long and healthy lives. You're welcome. Now, warm down.

Your emails now, and we've had a few suggestions of who to put in the soundproof vault. And this one is from Sigourney Binder, who says, yo bitches, how I feel about that. I mean, you've got my attention, but I'm not sure I appreciate the manner in which you've got it. What's this shit with the sound vault thing? You've had three Americans already. How about a bit of balance here?

I suggest that the next A-list celebrity you foster in your sleek, all-electric government-in-door soundproof safe should be retired Welsh politician and qualified horsemen-your-PH analyst analyst Lord Colin Welridge oysters McNeill UK Minister for Communities and Sport between 1909 and 1916 McNeill is more than deserving of this grand honour as you both owe him your freedom without this awe inspiring political powerhouse the Great War which surely have gone the other way in 1915 McNeil unleashed

a barrage of revolutionary policies in order to create a streamlined, efficient Britain. First year quite much needed resources, but radically reducing the number of balls used in Snooker. The purple, beige, gold, steel, spiked, rubber, congealed, flame and rainbow balls were all dropped as well as 27 of the reds. It was also responsible for reducing the overall number of administrative staff required for an official game of Snooker to one referee, by consolidating the duties of the pastry chef, card saunter, regional managing director, corner pocket guards, coin tosser salad tosser ball tosser ball tosser, toss guard rear gunner and wireless operator, therefore freeing up more than 11 million men for active service.

Finally, he increased the efficiency of shift workers by lowering the average length of a snooker game to less than a day during increased tax on metallic brass. What? Making operatic shot retake rules less likely to be enforced and amateur level. Unfortunately, in 1916, McNeil's lesbian affair, let's be in a fair with the Dutch as a full-cork. He was hounded out of office in disgrace before he could be congratulated for these changes

or improve morale further by implementing some way of making cricket less boring. You're sincerely Sigourney Binder. Andy, do you write emails under the pseudonym Sigourney Binder? No, I don't, but I wish that I did. Yeah, I wish I had written that, because that is, that, that challenges your book, she's it makes me feel like I've been slowly underplaying that. I'm not sure any of that is true. Was he even, was he even ministers? That man even

exists? No, really. Oh, I don't think so. It just exists. It doesn't exist. There is a Scottish boxical colon, MacMill. This is the whole thing is a lie. Now, this one comes in from Ann Anderson, who writes on the subject John about those concrete lines. She writes, John, thanks for including me in this ad. I feel very welcome in my own podcast. Before you get carried away by the concrete lines,

if those of you who didn't hear it, John, have you got that flat or not? No, I went down to look at it again this week, it's a bit weird that it's on Wall Street. Yeah, but it's a bit too expensive, but it did have concrete lions. It had the concrete lions. Right, I did love those lions. So John was looking at this flat with concrete lions anyway, and Anderson writes, before you get carried away by the concrete lions and I admitted appeal to the tin plate dictator in all of us. Amen. Please make sure that the listing agent was not trying to sell you the New York Public Library. Sure, it may look roomy and stylish, but there will be people trepching through your living room all day long,

asking for directions to the Stephanie Meyer novels. Also, there's a bit of a ghost problem in the basement, which may or may not affect resile value. So that's it from your emails for this week there will be more next week. The bugle at times online.co.uk that's where to send them and I promise I will get around to the vlog this week Tom shaking his head he's wrecking's I won't. I've been very busy this week and my little boy's been quite squawky but I will happen. Yeah you can try and wolf again. Yeah well. Yeah wolves don't write blogs John. Well you can't read Terry the wolf. Blogstock.com also postponed is the results of the website competition because we've overrun again and Tom was about to have a baby so he really

wants to get out of the studio. Sport! The Milwaukee Bucks forward, Charlie Villain-Waver, got in trouble last week when he sent out a Twitter message during half time of the game they were playing against the Celtics. His message was, in Dalokka room, snuck to post my tweet, we're playing the Celtics, Ty Ball Game at DeHalf. Coach wants more toughness. I got a step up. Coach was very upset and he when he found out about this afterwards, but here's the thing. Villain away finished the game with a team high 19 point and they ended up beating the Celtics. So, maybe rather than being cross, he should be encouraging this behaviour. Let the guy tweet

all the time during the game. On to court now. Kevin Garnett driving the lane on me. Better smack that shit down. We'll tweet in a minute. In a minute, smack that shit down. Dribbling the ball now. We'll probably put it in the basket in a minute. Versus in the first time that sportsmened's wealth in the process of playing sports. In fact, Ricky Hatton, the British boxer, blames his defeat to Floyd Mayweather in late 2007 to the fact that he was twittering throughout the fight. Ouch! Being punched in the face repeatedly.

Ouch! Ouch! He keeps hitting me. Ouch! Doesn't seem fair to punch a man while he's typing a tweet. Ouch! I'm not really familiar with twittering on the grounds that's been properly educated. But let's go through that right now Andy. I don't think that is the mitigating fact that I'm not a big fan of Twitter myself.

But I do not believe it's an educator. I doesn't seem afraid to do it. You can't be more educated than him. Ah, yeah, but he's just doing it to look cool. Wow, your argument is collapsing like the Parthenon. What being blown up by the Turks. I'm skeptical of Twittering. It's hard to hear radio presenters and people like that asking people to send in their tweets

without feeling that civilization is to all intense and purposes dead More than that. It's in fact a key step in the de-evolution of the human race back to single-celled organisms Whose feelings and thoughts can be simply but completely expressed in single phrases on the internet Might my words. This might seem like harmless fun now, but in a billion years time We're all amoebas telling each other. I've got a sore extra plasm today, or plankton's tweeting, uh-oh, eaten by a shark, well don't come running to me to ask for your dignity back. Also, well, what a weekend is coming up next weekend for sports,

John, it's the beginning of the Formula One season. They're interested in a new system where the drive with the most wind is going to win the title. I do believe it should be the driver with the most crashes. If they really want to get people watching it. Absolutely. It should basically be high speed dodgems. Of course in the old days it was very much the driver who could stay alive the longest who was ultimately crowned title.

Oh no, that's not necessarily true, is it? No. No, of course. You can rent one dead. Dead. He drove the last of course. Yoccan Rint won it dead. Dead. He drove the last win. He drove the last race and a half dead. And also next week is the boat race, John.

Well, it is of course the world's dullest event of any kind sporting or otherwise. I actually rode the course last night, John, and did you say the tems is in lovely condition? They've really prepared it nicely. Is it still quite watery? Yeah, very, very watery. And that's really what you want in a rowing race, John.

Is it over watery though? Is there too much water or is it just the right amount? There's a little bit much in the moment. There's still a week to go before the race. So they're just going to evaporate the top layer off and you get the nice rowing water underneath. So that's about it for the Mughal this week. Just time for the Bugle forecast and the forecast this week, John, is by this time next week,

Will Tom, our producer, have had his baby. Oh, okay. It's due in three days as we record on the Friday. So it's due Monday. It's due Monday. And it's said, if it is born on Monday, we'll have to be named Dugal 68 after it. Oh, there's no previous form, so I don't know. No previous form, what about,

when you were out early, Tom? I was going on time. Back on time. You were right on time as the 80s song proclaimed. I'm gonna say yes, there's a baby next week. Really? I'm gonna say no, I think he's got a cleaner. Really?

I think he's gonna hang on in there. So that again? There are definitely nice ways of saying that. I'm gonna say a preemptive, Tom, congratulations on your baby. And if you don't have a baby by this time next week, don't bother turning up to work. Also, we can forecast if he does have it,

will you have delivered it himself like a real man? Ha ha ha. Well, will you have taken the wimp's option and gone to a hospital? On a subway, I met a little baby called Georgia, strapped to real man. Well, we'll be taking the wimp's option and go onto a hospital. On a subway, I met a little baby called Georgia, strapped to a man, her father, just strapped herself to a man to get around. I wasn't her kind of public transport.

And this man sat down and he said, I didn't deliver this like Andy did. Your heroism is making its way around the world like a very ill-known new story. And of course we do have the Bugle Competition in which you can name Tom's baby for him. That's right! I don't email us the Bugle at times on line.co. Not UK and it just remains for me to say Dominique Strauss-Garn.

Thank you very much for joining us. Okay, we're going to have to release him now, I'd be stand back. I'm sure he's pretty angry. That's all from the Beagle this week. Thanks for listening. Bye-bye. Have a tremendous week. you