The Bugle - Orcas, AI, Idiots: A summer feast

Episode Date: August 17, 2023

Andy is recovering from the cricket so here are some brand new sections we held back, just in case, featuring Chris Addison, Hari Kondabolu, Alice Fraser and Anuvab Pal. AI, mad science and Orcas all make the cut.Listen to the latest Bugle Ashes Zaltzcast and buy our new book: https://thebuglepodcast.comThe Bugle was presented and written by...Andy ZaltzmanHari KondaboluChris AddisonAlice FraserAnuvab PalAnd produced by...Chris Skinner and Laura Turner Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Bugglers, we are live from Leicester Square Theatre on the 16th of September with Chris Adison and Alice Fraser. It might be our only London date of the year, so get your tickets. No! Oh, get them at thebugglepodcast.com. That that is important. The Bugle, audio newspaper for a visual world. Hi Bugle, it's producer Chris here, and he is on holiday still trying to decrycate himself. When he's successfully decrycated, we'll be back with some of the greatest Bugles of all time, probably in early September. In the meantime, you still want new bugle action rights, so here are some bits we deliberately held back for you to enjoy, starting with Andy, Chris Edison and Harry Condavolu.

Cancel culture news now and a chemical weapons expert has been fired from a conference after it emerged that he posted tweets that were, uh, brace yourselves, everyone, slightly critical of the British government. Um, this is, uh, I mean, slightly, uh, Kafka-esque, um, if Kafka had begun his story as Greg Asempsor, a work one morning from uneasy dreams, he found himself transformed in his bed into someone who was no longer going to be an expert speaker in a government- government back conference. What happened to me he thought, oh I remember, I retweeted a meme showing Peter Abbott devouring a letter with Liz Truss' face on it. This is essentially what happened. It was the chemical weapons demilitarization conference, which is not a some thought an unexpected sponsorship deal in non-leg football. It was in fact a meeting of experts to talk about how to defend yourself against chemical, biological and other naughty weapons and attacks with pieces

of fresh fruit, I think. The London-based weapons expert, Dan Kajeta, had been due to speak at the gig, but was de-invited. Now, did it count as being cancelled? Chris, because this expert, Dan Kajeta, was not instantly given a talk show on GB news to complain about being cancelled. So does it count as a full cancellation if that didn't happen? No, absolutely not. I think I find the procedural aspects of it odd. I don't know why the government needed to vets his social media feed.

If they're wanting to know who's said they're shit on social media, they just need to know who's got social media, both one to one. Including a lot of Tory MPs, six, just keep them. Yeah, basically say we are **** **** **** don't vote for us. And the minister. Yeah. I listened to, you know, there's the Johnson biography of his time at number 10, just published by Anthony Selden and Raymond Newell.

And I listened to it rather than read it. And there's a lot of text which is just written in a quite a neutral tone, but whoever was reading it really fucking hated John's because the sarcastic is like 11 hours of sarcastic and erratic phenomenal at which point John's has said he was too busy amazing I fully recommend I mean it's the latest instance of someone being being de-platformed and yeah we are yeah we live in nations famous for our tolerance of free speech. I'm personally a huge tolerance fan. I demand that everyone else tolerates things just as tolerated as I do and if they don't and

they should be put into a special pod and f***ing f***ing space. There is no place for the intolerant in my Britain, no arguments, no second chances, f*** off. So obviously it would be nice to say, in terms of this cancer, that Chris and Horry were our absolute first choice for this week's bugle, but we had actually booked the Pope, Barack Obama, Beyoncé and British comedy legend George Formby. Sadly we did have to cancel them for being respectively. We did have to cancel them for respectively controversial views on birth control, being a cricket skeptic, insensitive lyrics about whether or not people are ready for jelly and not responding to his emails. So it's tough, well everyone can be cancelled, you know, it doesn't take a lot. We are just hearing in fact that high-board diving in next year's Paris Olympics will be rebranded as de-platforming to fit with the current trend.

Ah! Tough crowd. Finally, this week, some news from India, Anuva Pal alerted me to this story. A government official in India has been suspended after he ordered a reservoir to be drained because he dropped his phone in it. The food and respect called Rajesh Viss was taking a selfie as you do when you're in front of a reservoir otherwise how do you prove that either you or the reservoir really existed. He dropped his phone into the water. I wish probably had two options. Option one was to think, oh that was careless, oh well it's only a phone, I can get another one. And learn a valuable

less amount, not taking selfies near reservoirs without attaching the phone to a floatation device just in case. Or option two, empty half a million gallons of precious life giving farming assisting water out of the reservoir over three days of pumping in an effort to A, find the phone and B, hope that being underwater for three f***ing days of pumping in an effort to a Find the phone and be hooked up being underwater for three F**king days hadn't in some way damaged it. This is one of the most sensational pieces of desperation phone retrieval in the proud history of humanity. What this this is why you got a back stuff up on iCloud

This is what happens also what's on that phone? Something's on that phone. Well, it probably has a backup on the iCloud, but the iCloud then rained into the reservoir. It's clever. And what he knows, the tip is, isn't it? If you phone gets waterlogged, the best place to dry it out is in a pile of rice. So if you're going to drop your phone in a reservoir, India's probably a pretty good place. Perfect.

To do it. The dilemma, of course, is that you need to get your phone to get the rice delivered. This is why I asked you to stick with landlines. You never have this problem with the landline. You drop a landline phone in a reservoir. You can just pull it out by the core. How would you drop a landline in a reservoir, Chris? What circumstances could that happen?

Well, if you're using the landline next to the reservoir and you're being a bit careless, then it goes in the reservoir. I don't know how much more straightforward that could be. You can't take a selfie with a landline. Well, what kind of attitude is that? I've got a de of defeatism that has got pushed the trovelless into that. Younger bugleers are now giggling or a phone.

Those three people have pressed paths to a Google or a phone. The age, the 321 to 35. My children who are 14 and 17, they cannot get their heads run, no idea that you use to use a dial on a phone. I've stopped demonstrating to them, they cannot get their heads run. It's a lost art like Stainless Window 80 or Cathedral building. Yep. Oh, which craft trial holding? They all come back though.

They all come back. You can do a little, you can probably do it on a stag weekend. Can you learn to dial a phone? I'll build a cathedral. More future if humanity news now. And well, all of what we've been talking about might be completely moot because it's quite possible that we will have been Well brought to an end as a species by a war with nature Nature's creatures are starting to take vengeance on

Humanity for all the wrongs that have been committed over recent millennia in particular an Orca of the Coast of Spain, a vengeance-fueled Orca, no less, by the name of Gladys, or as her friend's call her, has been wreaking havoc on the yachting community. Won't someone please think of the yacht owners? It's a, well, it's a harrowing story. This things are getting very, very awkward indeed of the coast of Spain.

Gladys the self-stalled Liam Neeson of the Megadulfan world was apparently hit by a yacht, and after copying a bit of a yacht working, rather than brushing it off as an unfortunate accident, has gone orc about and solemnly vowed not to rest until all yachts are dead. Now obviously we humans know that yachts are inanimate objects albeit female ones, but if you're an orca you could be forgiven for

thinking that they're jumped up pricks who couldn't give a shit about you and your aquatic mammal friends, whereas in fact that is just the owners. But anyway, Gladys has struck back by orcering three yachts sinking two of them. Those are pretty good stats. That's what, batting 6666 for the season so far. She can keep that up for the whole summer yachting season. She can easily win the coveted MVO award. I mean, this is hugely worrying, isn't it? Because not only is Gladys on the wet walk-off, but she is apparently sparked a wave of copycat or copy-orca boat clonkings and is apparently training other walkers to attack yachts.

I mean, this is not where she goes. This is a good thing. This is a what first of all, I've never wanted to make a Pixar movie so much in my life. This is the kind of art I'd like to make. Secondly, notice that it's yachts. It's not fishing boats or smaller vessels. it's yachts. It's not fishing boats or smaller vessels. It's yachts. This is the kind of political revolution

I've been waiting for amongst the members of the animal kingdom. Gladys was traumatized by a boat hitting it. Now, training others to ram these yachts. And also, it's not just, think about the training. On one hand, you're like, okay, it's clearly, she's training them for violence, but it's not just think about the training on one hand. You're like, okay, it's clearly she's training them for violence But it's not a pointless violence. It's not just fueled by vengeance Diverse found copies of the autobiography of Malcolm X the Communist Manifesto and the art of war by Sun Zoo in the waters

Where the yachts were hit so I mean clearly this is something bigger, this is what we've been waiting for. I think you might be right, because the article in question suggested that the orcas were after revenge for being trapped in illegal fishing nets, which rather begs the question, how did they realize the nets were illegal? Now, we know that orcas are highly intelligent creatures as you point out, Harry, and we know that in the same way that we know everything that we've learned about nature which is because David Asimbroth told us. Given that these Hawkers are sort of intelligent it's entirely possible that they've had some kind of legal training probably starting in a school of fish, they in the

University of Dolphins, well a fellow-ghost degree in the faculty of huge humanities before going on to stay on law school. And the likelihood is they're not ramming the boats at all, just trying to deliver a summons, or is there better known to the Underwater Legal Community, a sub-pena. Perhaps, given the orchestra's intimate knowledge of and presumably respect for the law, all that's really needed here is some kind of strongly worded cease and desist letter. the law. All that's really needed here is some kind of strongly worded cease and desist letter. Well, the Orcologists claim that Gladys who has described as being black and white with fins aged between northern 100 over 20 centimeters in length and of no fixed

a bowed has been training these other orcas to attack yachts and they must now be concerns that renegade gangs of guerrilla orcas in their dolphinian and bellenian buddies could soon bring an end to all shipping if I may exaggerate slightly which given that we're living the 21st century, I emphatically may. I mean, and also, you know, if this copycat behavior spreads not just within the orca community but between species, we're in trouble. I mean, if, for example, pigs learn these same vengeance skills, we could be heading for a very uncomfortable bacon blowback and sausage reckoning in the not too distant

future. And I'm not happy about that at all. Do you feel if we are truly in a war with nature, the government should be putting out some kind of information in the mold of the old nuclear war protector and survive booklet for the 70s and 80s? You know, just simple advice like, if you encounter a tree, remember it's probably more scared of you than you are of it. Just lie down and wait for it to go away. You know, if an animal is threatening you, try neutralizing the threat by domesticating

it. The years, packs of ferocious wolves would slaughter and eat humans, but now they fit in the handbags of Kardashians, can only be fed steamed packed joy, or they should come to the kind of violent liquid diarrhea that's very hard to scrub out at the bottom of a Gucci quilted leather at tote. The same is true of plants, domestication drastically reduces the dangers. They've been very few sunflower on human homicide since we started using them as a staple crop, unless you can't eat a few hundred people who die each year choking on muesli. LAUGHTER That's just dull with his, isn't it?

Yes. You know, so we heard a lot about humankind's war on nature. Yeah. Right. And if you believe the news coverage, it would seem to suggest that we're very much winning. That but, that said, I regularly drive free miles to buy a sack of specially formulated gravel which I bring home and place in trays my cats then

shit in the gravel and I clear out the shit and eventually the gravel washing and cleaning the trays before the whole cycle begins again and I have to drive another three miles to pick up more of the gravel. So I'd say nature is doing better than most people seem to think they've basically managed to get a ton of their guys Behind enemy lines and have us set up entire shocks full of food bedding and toys for Well, it's harrowing we will of course bring you weekly coverage of the Final climactic war between mankind and nature over the following three thousand years on the bugle Some more secret gems now. We've got Alice Fraser and of a pal and Andy

Technology news now and scientists, then again, have done something f***ing useful for once in their stupid f***ing lives and found a way of turning humid air into renewable power. We on the bugle have documented many of the more ludicrous scientific discoveries and alleged breakthroughs, but this Alice seems to be something that could be genuinely exciting. So could we soon once this technology is harnessed of turning humid air into. So could we soon, once this technology is harnessed of turning humid air into electricity, could we soon all have our own power stations in our gym kits? So when we work up a sweat, we can power a coffee machine or a developing world village according to choice.

Yes, Andy, as again the Dildo manufacturer has declared witnesses power and a team at the University of Massachusetts apparently have successfully generated a small continuous electric current from humidity and they published a paper back in May and since then they've made a device that's the size of a thumbnail, it's one-fifth of the width of a human hair and is capable of generating roughly one micro-watt which is enough to light a single pixel on a large LED screen. But this is very promising according to a number of other scientists who are looking at similar ideas. It's just the idea if you can create energy out of the humidity in the air.

It's going to be incredibly environmentally friendly if you don't count how costly and energy intensive it is to make the devices and how difficult it might be to scale them up. Still, it's a really lovely idea and arguably a good thing that maybe a billionaire could invest in instead of machines for shooting themselves into the most inhospitable parts of the atmosphere or just a suggestion. So, will we all be dangling our mobile phones over pans of boiling pasta to give them a quick recharge so we can then post Instagram stories about how our hands and arms have been scalded by steam while we made pasta? It's just the future, Anne and Rob. You know where this all started? All of this I

can power my laptop with my sweat thing. There's always one person to blame for everything. For this I'm blaming the Serbian inventor Nicola Tesla. Oh yeah he's got a lot to answer for. He said of course Elon Musk, Alice's favorite name, the car after him, he believed that the earth was basically a large battery and you could charge either end of it and everything in the air around us could be used for electricity. Like a lemon. I just feel like this is, you know, again, a really hopeful technology, but as somebody who's fairly cynical about the human nature, I can just see this going badly wrong and people trying to steal each other's clouds

and fighting over vaping, and maybe we need to back off this until we've all calmed down a little bit. But was it California last week where one particular street lights went off because too many people were charging their cars and taking it from the lab posts. Well, I mean, there's always skeptics and then we have the same with solar and wind and, you know, people saying, oh, yeah, what if the sun's not shining or the wind goes off or that, and that'd be the same with this, you know, what about when it's dry? What then?

So we better open a few more coal mines as a cover bet. And also we always got to think with any Scientific breakthrough. We have to think of the sci-fi endgame because you know anything can always lead to Disaster in the end of humanity and I just can't see anything other than this leading to Rogue electrified microbes in the air growing to 12 trillion times a normal size and eating their way through Manhattan Is there any way that won't happen? I mean, direct correlation. On the other hand, I've always wanted to be a cloud farmer. It looks fun.

It's just so hard to train the dogs. Well, they're easy to train on the ground. It's just once you shoot them into the air with a trebuchet that things go wrong. That's basically what the Soviet space program is all about cloud farming. I live in the technology capital of the world. And every time I step into a hotel in India, there are all these conferences going on for different companies.

15, 20 years ago, I'd be able to recognize the conferences. It'll say, Steel Industry Meet. Last week, I went into a thing and it just said, Conference Cloud Question Mark. I don't know what the future of Indian technology is, but I figured it's going to be a lot of words, next to words that don't mean anything. Yeah, well that's a great future.

Now it turns out that, I mean this discovery was sort of accelerated or even happened because of an accident. It wasn't deliberate piece of research, but they've sort of something accidental happened and they've picked that up and run with it. And it's like many of the great scientific breakthroughs, famously penicillin, Alexander Fleming left a pencil in his lab overnight.

And when he came back in the morning, he had a attendance with jar of pills. Gravity, I mean, if Isaac Newton hadn't had a snooze on an apple tree, we'd still all be floating around in the air and snooke would be a very different and even more difficult game. X-rays, they came from an accident. No, I didn't know that. The pervy German physicist, Wilhelm Runtken, was trying to develop a way of seeing through

people's clothes. He went a step too far and enabled doctors to look right through to people's bones instead. Microwave ovens, Percy Spencer, trying to develop a machine that could turn an insect into a superhero by blasting it with magic braze, almost worked, instead found a way of cooking sweet corn quickly. And LSD of course, that was famously discovered by accident, Albert Hoffman in the 1930s, had been tossed by the MCC, the Marlambon Cricket Club who formulated and guard the laws of cricket, with finding a way to make cricket more exciting by finding a replacement for the LBW law that also had a convenient three less acronym.

So he came up with LSD, after initial tests proved, a bit too exciting for the crowd and players alike at a Gloucestershire versus Northhand, second 11 trial match. The experiment was quietly shelved, and they took the LBW Lawrence. The LBW Lawrence The LBW Lawrence The LBW Lawrence The LBW Lawrence The LBW Lawrence The LBW Lawrence The LBW Lawrence The LBW Lawrence Reptillion Messiah News Now and scientists in Costa Rica have documented a virgin birth by a crocodile, a female crocodile living in isolation for 16 years, laden egg that had

a stillborn baby crocodile in it, but this essentially raises a lot of questions that this crocodile without mating could give birth to... I mean, does it mean that Jesus was a crocodile? Does it mean, I'm coming this from a lapsed Jewish perspective, that a crocodile is now the best we can hope for for our long awaited Messiah. Or is it simply a sign of crocodilian evolution? Because let's be honest, if you're a female crocodile, you ideally want to be able to breed without having to congrungeulate with a male crocodile, because let's be honest, they are not the most attractive species. Each of their own, obviously, but I can see why a lady crocodile might want to breed unadid.

I mean, they're not exactly leopards or parrots or mandarin fish, or sorry, I'm not sharing too much. I feel like everyone is missing the lead here. What we have discovered is an invisible crocodile. Right. Ha ha ha ha ha. I mean, that's, yeah. Oh, you're going, yeah, I mean, that's very much

the Sherlock Holmes approach when you've eliminated the impossible, whatever's left, however, in probable must be the truth or whatever it was that Sherlock so famously and fictionally said. But I guess also if you're a crocodile and you've been in isolation for 16 years, you must be bored out of your reptilian mind. Surely? I mean, because I mean, what do you do? The novelty of sneaking up on a log, pretending to be another log, that must wear off pretty quickly.

When how do you find fulfillment in life as a crocodile in solitary confinement, aside from looking at scants at stuff, I mean, and writing sonnets about loneliness to perform with more scode clacks of your crocodiles? I mean, there's ****nets about loneliness of a form with more scode clacks of your crocodiles. I mean, there's f*** all else to be doing, isn't there? Well, it does cast sublight on the commentaries of the Bible and so on and so forth. Nobody hitherto knew that while Jesus was very able to bite down, if you could keep him from opening his mouth again by just holding his nose and chin with just two fingers, incredible.

Right. Well, you know, I'd once gone sightseeing to the southern Indian temple town of Humpey, which is infested with crocodiles. And the tour guide said that that particular day's tour was off because crocodiles were sightseeing. And so, you know, it all depends on what you're going to do. One day, they look at us, one day we look at them. Exactly. Exactly. At that particular day, they wanted

to find out about the seven-century Vigia Naga vampire and the group of crocodiles went about in the Indian sun to do that. So, I mean, I think that, you know, there are ways to keep yourself busy, you know, just because you don't have Netflix doesn't mean you can't get out. That's all I'm saying for crocodiles. You mentioned the world life in India. An elephant in India has been having a bit of a tough time of late. And if I just bring us up to date with the ordeal.

Big story this one. The elephant's name is Eric Komban which almost sounds like something out of a Bruce Lee movie. And Eric Komban does a big fight about this elephant. It's a single elephant, it's not part of a herd and he's from the state of Kerala but basically he's been going into Tamil Nadu which is the neighboring state looking for vegan meals. It's been eating a lot of rice lentils, vegetables, so much so that you know various forestry officers in Tamil Nadu have captured him send him back to Kerala. He keeps coming back looking for rice in lentils and I'm wondering if this is even an elephant or a millennial who lives in Brixton or not in Hill.

I don't know what kind of elephant this is. So, yeah. If they find an avocado stone, they'll know. They won't know. There's a petition in the Madras High Court seeking compensation for the damages that the elephant has caused in Tamil Nadu. I'm hoping that they are looking for damages from the government rather than from the elephant. No, it's tough time, captured twice, tranquilised, moved home. I mean, that's going to be one vengeful elephant they've got on their hands. This does feel like this elephant could become the Liam nation of elephants and no one wants to say that

And the thing is it keeps coming back to Tamil Nadu for meals like it hasn't I mean yes It's ransacked a bunch of agricultural land, but it's had hasn't attacked any people You know, it just keeps going back to the same villages and granaries and restaurants Because I mean the food the food in that part of India is delicious. But I would say the food in Carola is delicious. So I'm in the food in Tamil Nadu is equally. I mean, so why does the elephant rejecting Carolan cuisine?

We've just got an ungrateful Carolite elephant. That's what we've got. I mean, I'd say Carola has a range of great non-vegetarian food as well. It's got some excellent beef curry. In some way, it's almost got sort of a rebellious cuisine against the powers that we have to be vegetarian and Hindu. So I don't know.

Maybe it's a very nationalistic elephant. I don't know what it's trying to do. But in many ways, its diet is very, very modern. It's looking for dairy-free vegetation and rice. It needs to be on Instagram reals if anything. In other Indian news, Narendra Modi, the Prime Minister of India, has been visiting Australia. How has this gone down? I mean, it's an incredible thing to witness, Andy.

Yes, Prime Minister Modi is in Australia making deals about imports, exports, immigration, and having what appears to be an embarrassingly nice time. He's being cheered in stadiums of 2,000 people. There's a lot of like smiling photo opportunities. On one hand for Australia to be in good trick with major superpowers and massive countries, it's a good thing given our presently prickly diplomatic dance with China.

But given Modi's complex approach to such things as ethics, honesty and civic responsibility, it does feel like we're being a bit too enthusiastic and providing too many photo opportunities that may come back to bite us in the future. I have a quick question for you Alice. Now, as you know Prime Minister Modi has played quote unquote the Madison Square Garden to 50-100,000 people. He's played Wembley Stadium with David Cameron, where David Cameron spoke in Gujarati and they riled up the crowd together. In Sydney, I've never been to Sydney, but he played something called Kudos Arena.

20,000 people, is that a big gig-gang arena? Like would he be up there with Elton John or... Our arenas are constantly being renamed as various people fight to stop sponsoring them. And this is the arena that Bruce Springsteen played. So it's a large capacity arena. Our Prime Minister, Albanese, said the last time I saw someone on the stage here, it was Bruce Springsteen. And he did not get the welcome that Prime Minister Modi has got, of course, Modi played all of the classics.

Being in a truck on an Indian road, my girls gone home with their ex-boyfriend, and I'm having him tracked by government forces. You know, just the real ones that everyone really loves. But everyone was incredibly enthusiastic. And I think, you know, it's a nice time for Modi and I'm not I'm not sure if it's correct. I mean you just name some of my favorite songs. I mean I like the pre-remix version but that is a good one. He apparently one thing he did was have a

lot of anecdotes for Albanese about Indian street food. And Albanese didn't have an equal number of anecdotes of Australian street food. So he just interrupted speech and just said, Modi wins this food thing we're having, this competition and he's the boss. And he just called, he kept calling him the boss. Right. I don't know if that's an Australian term of india, and he's Springsteen's nickname, isn't it the boss? So we might just maybe

that's just what he always says to people who are in that particular arena. The problem with Anthony Albanese is he's quite cool, which I think you should avoid, but being a politician if you possibly can. In other Australian news, Alice, I hear that Australia is banning Nazi symbols. Is this, do you think, too early or maybe too late? Well, yes, Andy, Australia, Nation of Naysayers is about to say, nay to Nazi symbols passing legislation to ban the sale and trade of Nazi memorabilia. I mean, this is, first of all, most states already have a ban on the display of Nazi flags and symbols in public spaces. This is going to ban the trade in Nazi symbols. Exclusions include things like religious educational artistic purposes, which is good for those in religions who were using swastikers before they were cool,

which is to say before they acquired their were using swastikas before they were cool, which is to say before they acquired their current unfortunate word, cloud of associations. I just look, I don't know. I'm generally considered myself more on the side of free speech than not, as someone of the first generation of teens with untrambled access to an internet, our parents barely understood their stuff that I was exposed to, that I feel in retrospect, I ought not to have our parents barely understood this stuff that I was exposed to that I feel in retrospect I ought not to have been exposed to. On the other hand, I don't know that the problem is the symbol. I don't think Nazis were bad because of the swastika. So I'm not sure that banning the swastika will necessarily ban people's affiliation with Nazi ideology, particularly given access to the internet.

On the other hand, if you're a small business innocently going about your work as a swastika salesman, I do think you should be encouraged to diversify. I mean, also, whether you should ban the sale of Nazi memorabilia, or just ban anyone who shows any interest in buying Nazi memorabilia. I guess that's a semantic thing, I guess. But personally, if someone is hovering over the bid button in an online auction on some Nazi memorabilia, then they should just be taken politely to one side and

told that they are never allowed to speak to anyone ever again or leave their house. And I think we have freedom and we have control. And also it's quite a wide ranging set of things, not a memorabilia. I remember Andy, I think you were doing commentary in Pakistan at some point. And you sent me a link to a clothing shop called Hitler's Things. Yes, that's why it was a fashion shop. Yes. It might just have been called Hitler's Things. I guess that's what it was a fashion shop.

Yes. It might just have been called Hitler, actually, or Hitler clothing. Yeah, driving through the streets of Karachi, that was, I mean, unexpected, certainly. And it didn't appear that the contents of the shop have been influenced by the name, luckily. Yeah. I mean, maybe, maybe... They've worked on happy dresses.

It's possible that Hitler liked a nice summer dress. I don't know, I don't know, but it was a bit of an unexpected shop front. I mean, for a while, Mumbai had a cafe in 2007 or eight, got Hitler's cafe, and it was an an espresso place and the owner was a millennial and he was confused as to why there was so much ruckus and he said I don't understand we just sell espresso's I wanted an affant garden name. In further news of the robot takeover. Classical music has been rocked by the news that conductors are set to be vaporised by alien robots in the near future. The first step towards this was a robot conducting an orchestra in Seoul, in South Korea, but it seems that

the vaporisation of all conductors by alien robots is therefore now inevitable. Does it get raises the question, do orchestras need conductors? Is it not time to see what these so-called professional musicians can do with an eager mania wagling a f***ing stick at them? Is this not progress? I think so. I mean, I think you're talking about this thing in Korea recently. The Korean Industrial Technology Institute came up with a conductor. That conducted the main Korean orchestra in Seoul on Friday

evening. It was called Ever6, that was the name of the conductor, did a pretty good job. There was only one complaint from the musicians that the robot couldn't listen. That tends to be a small problem as a conductor, but then they spoke to one person in the audience, one Ludwig van Beethoven, who said, that's okay, neither could he. So that's not an impediment to making great music, apparently. I mean, ironically, in Seoul, the robot conductor without a soul, led the performance by the South Korea's national orchestra. It's a pimped out metronome, right?

It's a pimped out metronome that's meant to look like a person and is just going to make everybody watching the performance feel really sad It's a name is ever six and the orchestra leader Troy Su-Yul who worked alongside the robot said that He was able to present the detailed moves like a conductor would do much better than imagined But on the upside also it can't be a dick and you know composers, am I right? Am I right? We all know composers. Leonard Bernstein, Zoben Mata, supposed to be complete, terrible human beings. All the great conductors are apparently in sufferable. Well, any elephant riders in the Beagle Ordenians will know that, you know, the conductor is the Mahoot, right? They think they're in charge,

but the orchestra can go out of control at any time and just trample you. So it's a dangerous position to be, and I think we should be replacing these kind of dangerous like mining and conducting very, very dangerous. I'm just glad the word Mahoot is making a comeback. Thank you, Alice. Also, I mean, I do think it's progress in terms of, you know, the quality and focus of orchestras, because if you're third violin, and frankly, no, I'm, because if you're third violin, and frankly, no, I'm gonna hear if you are or aren't playing,

you're gonna make damn sure you come in with your twiddly-twiddly bits at the right time, if you have a robot conductor who can instantly vaporise you with a death laser from his battle. No more drifting off, trying to remember if pizzicato's an Italian snack or not, if you want your pasta and Dante or Allegretto Vardinna, or whether all bassoon players nickname their instruments becried or not, and you want your pasta and Dante or Allegrafe over dinner or whether all bassoon players nickname their instruments becried or not and if not, why not? You're gonna give, you're gonna give your full undivided attention to your robot von Kerrian.

You're absolutely right. Every time I've seen a classical music concert, I've thought, why is there not more violence? Yeah, blind ugly violence. You know, if your cello is off, your second cello is off. I think under fear of death music gets a lot better. Yeah, I mean that's quite dark. But I think history would probably back you up on it. And other art forms as well. Poetry for example, it's an exhibit, one the first world war. The OECD is at release of reports saying that this AI revolution that we talk about so much now.

The jobs most at risk will be high skilled jobs, such as orchestra conductor, lawyers, surgeons, weather forecasters, rock drummers, human cannonballs and cricket statisticians. It could all be on the way out. But AI won't be bothered with the less skilled jobs such as nightclub bouncers, toilet cleaners, hot cast hosts, so I'm half okay and half in trouble. I mean this is, is this a worrying sign that, but apparently that already the robot takeover is barely started and already they're being picky about what jobs they do. They only what the nice jobs and we're going to have to rely it seems on cheap imported robots to do the jobs that are entitled Western affluence affected

robots don't want to do. Yeah I mean I think is a terrible thing back in my day you know a robot would just do what a robot was meant to do which is sort of suck dust off the floor or you know steal your children away to take them to the goblin king or create an ethical conundrum that meant it had to murder an entire high school. Just that kind of thing, kind of a classic robot stuff, or a friend or child in a slightly creepy way and go to our space. It really proper, proper robot things.

And now I feel like they're getting, yeah, as you say, above themselves, they're getting prestige focused. Yep. I feel like we need to get, put them back in their place. Yeah, put them back in their box. Put them back literally in their box. Yep. When it comes to objective things, like say, like cricket statistics, the argument has

been that artificial intelligence will not have the human consciousness to give it empathy. You know, so maybe the future of critics statistics, having you spend your life in this, would be more empathy, human consciousness, more literature surrounding cricket statistics. So I need to start doing my stats in, in solid form or something. Or bust out crying if you're very unhappy.

I'll do that quite often on England or quite. So. I think it feels very unhappy. I'll do that quite often when England will play. So... ... ... One very quick final story. Well, we've been doing a lot of stories on new technology and AI.

And there's reports this week that technology that can reveal your private thoughts is not very far away from being developed and indeed perfected. In fact, I've got a progelype. I'm really not sure what I think about technology like this, so I'll just use the technology to find out. Turns out I'm terrified of it. And you know, that's just for me. I mean, my private thoughts are not particularly unexpected, Alice Annivab. I mean, you can probably read my private thoughts right now. Just give it a go. Family, brain Andy.

I think you're doing the podcast, but you're thinking, was Colonel Gaddafi a real Colonel? Well, no, but I mean, the ashes start in three days time, so, you know, it's, I'm just thinking about cricket, to be honest. But it might have got useful political applications, you know, to know what candidates are really thinking when they're, if you can, you know, if they had a special helmet that, you know, actually rather than them saying words, the helmet just spoke there in a thought. So we might avoid some of the issues we've been talking about in this episode so bring it on.

I mean a lot of political memoirs when you read you know all these books of presidents and prime ministers after the leave office you know you think they'll be filled with lots of insight and stuff and Obama's there's a lot of petty detail like you know the whole time David Cameron was talking I thought his fly down. That sort of thing, like, it's not great grand thought. That's what's really unfortunate. That's it, you lot. Remember, live Google, 16th September, London, be there or I will be sad.