The Bugle - Palestine Inaction

Episode Date: July 11, 2025

🎧 Support The Bugle! Become a Team Bugle subscriber for bonus episodes, exclusive videos, and that warm fuzzy feeling that you’re funding nonsense: thebuglepodcast.comThis week, Andy Zaltzman is joined by Ian Smith and Nish Kumar for a global dive into activism, absurdity, and the only sport where selflessness still exists (sometimes).🗺️ Palestine Action — protestors, direct action, and is this chat even legal? Andy, Ian and Nish break down who’s doing what, why, and whether it makes a difference.🏅 Meanwhile, in a move that absolutely no one saw coming (except everyone), Donald Trump has been nominated for a Nobel Prize. Yes, really. What next? A sainthood?🏏 And in sports, meet the world’s most selfless cricketer—proof that somewhere, deep in the heart of cricket, the spirit of the game is still alive. 📺 Watch Realms Unknown, our visual fantasy-comedy show, on YouTubeProduced by Chris Skinner and Laura Turner. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The Bugle, audio newspaper for a visual world. Hello Buglers and welcome to issue 4347 of the Bugle audio newspaper for a visual world with me, Andes Oltzman, increasingly at ease with the fact that I have to this day never once been described as the Jimi Hendrix of the harpsichord. But I haven't given up on that dream yet, I've bought some wood. I'm joined today, right here in London, live and in person, and in three possibly more dimensions by two people whose dreams have similarly been crushed to dust by the cruel hand of fate.

Firstly, it's no time Wimbledon champion Nish Kumar. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha I'm bugling in shorts for the first time. Right, is that an attempt to bring that tennis vibe to the bugle? Because obviously I bugle in trousers because Fred Perry won his three Wimbledon titles in the 1930s wearing trousers. And I bugle in shorts and with a mullet and having just recently taken crystal meth in tribute to Andre Agasson, my tennis hero. Also joining us a man who's repeatedly failed to acquire the world's largest collection of Napoleon figurines it's Ian Smith. Hello Ian. Yeah what a dent to my confidence as well.

This is bad man management Andrew. Yeah I don't think I've got one Napoleon figurine. Yeah, you're way off then. He was probably short enough to be considered a figurine. Yeah. That would be a good sledge on the battlefield, wouldn't it? Sledging. So Andy's already referenced cricket. Because for full disclosure,

we are in the middle of the summer of test cricket and he's side hustle is as the statistician on the BBC's radio coverage of the cricket I will say his head is not in the game no he has already asked me what is going on this is a direct question what's going on in world events he's even forgotten the word news this This could be a very, very sidetracked podcast. I thought at the beginning you called it NUS. Yes. If you ever look at the NUS.

Me and Nevs were like what are you talking about Andy? Is it Slavic word Nevs? I think it is. We are recording on the 9th of July, 2025. Just a few short days after England conceded 1,014 runs. Sorry, sorry, wrong show. And to be clear, they conceded that against India. And for any people who work for UK immigration,

I have been supporting England throughout this test series. At no point have I been cheering for India. At no point has I watched Shubham and Gill's geometrically perfect high elbowed forward defensive or watched Rishabh Pant rolling around swinging his bat like a toddler musketeer. Did I do anything other than cheer for England? And I will be cheering for England again this week when I go to the test match with my dad, who will also be cheering for England, okay? To be absolutely clear, England's in the bath. But Nish, who would your grandparents have cheered for? My grandparents would have cheered for whichever army was pointing a gun directly at their face.

I imagine my grandparents would have been openly supporting England whilst in private going, hehehe, suck it. I just feel like one of those racists taxi drivers who's sort of going further back until he can prove that you're not British. Where'd your great great great great grandparents come from? Oh, I see. This was discussed before the start of the record, but this week in sad news, the Conservative MP Norman Tebbett died.

He was a stalwart of the Margaret Thatcher government and he was also very famous amongst the South Asian community in England for establishing something he called the Tebbett Test, which was by, in order to establish the loyalty of South Asian immigrants to England, they would have to be asked whether they supported England or India in a cricket match and he died this week And I can think of no more fitting tribute than the fact that me and my dad are going to cheer for India at lords against England on Sunday RIP big man See you in the next life

Right can we focus everyone please? We are recording I've come in and accused of being distracted by the cricket. I've talked about nothing other than the fact that I'm going to the cricket at the weekend. Right let's get this show back on track. We are recording on open bracket quotation mark close bracket quotation mark percent sorry got my shift key stuck there 9th of July 2025. On this day in 1795 American financier James Swan paid off the US national debt $2,024,899, the debt that had accrued during the American Revolution. That's equivalent of $37.5 million in today's money. Now for clever money folk to pay off the US national debt now You would need one million James Swans. Sorry one million and one. Sorry. That's now one million and two But I'll update it at the end of the show

On this day in 1850 US President Zachary Taylor died after eating raw fruit and iced milk Disappointing for the lad. Quite a nice way to go though I guess. But the question is, was he assassinated? Rumours have swirled ever since. But we at the Bugle, after extensive research, can reveal that no one knows for sure but rumours have swirled ever since.

But if he did die and was assassinated through the medium of fruit and milk, who could have been behind it? Was it Big Meat, the fast-growing American mid-19th century burger and fried chicken lobby were looking to de-glamorize all food that wasn't meat, so having a president die after eating fruit was exactly what they would have wanted, thus shaping America into the remorselessly carnivorous nation we know today. Was it perhaps big milkshake? The theory that eating fruit and ice milk separately was probably fatal led to the blending of the two and vigorously shaking the mixture

to render any remaining bugs and bacteria unconscious while you drunk it and therefore ineffective. That was the foundation of the all new milkshake, the drink that shaped America into the milkshake guzzling nation we know today. Was it the CIA? Well it wouldn't be the last time they tried to bump off a president would it? Or would it? Or maybe wouldn't it? The secretive organisation claims to have been founded in 1947, but what if it was operating off book from as long ago as the 1780s, at which point no US president had ever died? Now nearly 90% of all US presidents have died. the fucking dots people was it Lee Harvey Oswald was it the Russians obviously why would they not have done or was it the

12 year old John Wilkes Booth all-american junior assassin of the year from 1849 who went on of course to have a famous career in the major leagues anyway that's that happened 1850 you a Zachary Taylor fan? Yes. Where is he in your top 44 American presidents? I can think of a couple of key figures he's already coming above just by virtue of having a funny death that's more of a sort of significant legislative achievement I think than some of the other incumbents of the Oval Office. How do you think Trump will die? Well, it's certainly not going to be from eating fruit.

Okay, yeah. With the best will in the world. Yes, well, he's learnt his lesson, hasn't he? Oh, maybe that's why. Yeah, he's never driven in an open top car through the middle of Dallas and he's never eaten fruit. That was Kennedy's biggest mistake. The roof that could have changed history. And he's never gone fruit. That was Kennedy's biggest mistake. The roof that could have changed history. He's never gone to the theatre either.

You can see he's a man, people accuse Trump, he is a man who learns the lessons of history. Well is that your pitch for a new podcast, How Will Trump Die? Yeah, or even a different person every week. Oh, right. Different celebrity. That can be a very positive thing, isn't it, because we're very negative about death. But actually, you know, it'd be quite a person. I mean, personally, I don't want Trump to die. I want him to be immortal.

I want him to be abducted by aliens and put in a perspex box floating around the Earth for all eternity when no one can hear him. Well, one of the... you forget that Elon Musk put a convertible in space. Yeah. Sometimes remember that and think oh yeah there's a there's a convertible just going in space with like a mannequin in it. Yeah I just feel that some days you really think about it and you think we don't deserve to continue with this species. Like they're a point like I'm not against humanity as a concept but there are certain times where you hear sentences like Elon Musk put a

convertible in space and you think I think actually we got to wrap this up. But then you see Shubham and Gill effortlessly come through the covers and you think maybe there is still hope and beauty in the universe. Oh my god it may It felt like I was looking directly into the face of God himself. Can we focus Nish? Right as As always a section of the bugle is going straight in the bin this week We have a special what prime ministers did next section after the news that former Downing Street work experience kid Rishi Sunak Has used his stint as prime minister as a springboard to fulfil his lifelong dream of working for celebrity bank Goldman Sachs.

We look at what other Prime Ministers and indeed other political figures from around the world did after leaving office. And well let's start with Margaret Thatcher. Do you know what she did after she left office? She was called back by B. Elzebar. That was definitely off book. She dabbled for a while as a professional Maggie Thatcher impersonator, there was still quite a lot of demand in the 1990s, before returning to her first love of chemistry and trying to find a way of turning her renowned decades old secret stockpile of milk into gold.

Clement Attlee, the man who made modern Britain and founded the welfare state, left office in 1951, then dabbled with circus work as a trapeze artist, testing out his theory that people are more effective with a safety net. After moving sideways and inventing a powdered hammock for camping expeditions and developing a self-folding dressing gown, and following an afternoon drumming with the Beatles, Atlee was last heard of working as a Hollywood stunt body double in the 1964 superhero movie Mustachioed Potato Man. Moving across the Atlantic, US President Rutherford B Hayes left office in 1881. After he left office he toured a stage show entitled O.B. Hayes Yourself, a mixture of political reminiscences, slapstick vaudeville ditties about prison reform and

trampolining. Pope Innocent XIII faked his own death after getting bored of the papacy after just three years in the Vatican and lived out his days as a choreographer rumoured to have been on the verge of discovering the macarena before choking to death on a special crucifix shaped Easter sausage that he forgot to cut into edible chunks. Julius Caesar became a corpse, Abraham Lincoln, theatre critic briefly and Tootin Carmoon became a professional hide-and-seek player. That section, in the bin. News time now. Top story this week, cricket!

Well, it's been a difficult time for the world, I think we can all agree on that. But, there's a story this week for the world, I think we can all agree on that. But there's a story this week that has brought hope to the entire universe and it came in the unexpected form of South Africa's Vian Mulder, who even cricket fans hadn't taken much notice of until quite recently. He ended up captaining South Africa against Zimbabwe due to the two first choice captains both being unavailable. And he had the chance to set a new record for the highest ever score in a Test match

held by the West Indian legend Brian Lara, one of the greatest players of all time. Mulder got to lunch on day two of five, 367 not out against essentially Test Cricket's weakest team. This record was there for him and he chose not to take it. He had the self-awareness and humility to say, I am, we are Mulder. I have no place holding one of the most prominent records in cricket. Mulder is a player who it's fair to say has not over-festooned the annals of international cricket with formidable acts of skill, heroism and brilliance previously in his career, which dates back internationally six years and round about 20 matches.

And he, I mean that's, to me this this is it's one of the greatest things anyone has ever done in sport to think you know there's a romantic element to sport and you know an element of this sort of this you know this sort of sporting heroism and to have that humility to say no I am too shit to hold this record this should be lorded to. Ian, I know you for whatever reason have yet to embrace cricket into your heart and soul and life, but I mean even you must have been impressed by it. Well I know Brian Lara because he had a video game. Correct. Brian Lara's Cricket. Yeah, making him PlayStation's second most popular Lara. I think. Narrowly beaten by Lara Croft.

Only one of them was played by Angelina Jolie and that is the correct state of affairs. And Angelina Jolie starring Brian Lara biopic would be at best a controversial piece of costume. Only one of them had perfectly triangular breasts. As far as I'm aware, I hadn't actually played Brian Larrie cricket. But yeah, I mean it seems very nice, but as we're reading like the Guardian article about it, and it was saying that this record stood for 21 years and it's one of sports great records, but do you not think that it, it's sort of, you're like, yeah, it stood for 21

years because everyone's refusing to beat it out of politeness And it feels I guess you just gotta beat it like it man United Went nine nil up after 45 minutes can't imagine all the team going like now hang on no more goals We all know the record is a 1956 10-nil defeat of Anderlecht It was a fantastic team. we're not worthy of that, so let's just keep it to nine, maybe let them score a couple of goals. I don't know, I think you've just got to go for it. Was Brian Larris against a good team? Well, it was against England. But they were good at the time, England were 3-0 up in the

series, so it was in a dead game on a dead pitch. And that's a different debate because actually a lot of the biggest innings in cricket are not necessarily the best innings. It's not Lara's best innings. No, no. I'm saying it's probably not in Lara's top five best innings. But we are on Mulder. Could have annoyed cricket fans for all time by putting himself at the top of that list. He could have placed himself amongst this pantheon, at the top of this pantheon of batting legends but he thought, no, I am Wee Ann Mulder, solid professional cricketer, perennial struggler against the top teams in international cricket. I have no place here.

And in an age where humility, perspective and self-deaggrandisement are not only fading relics of times gone by but are rumoured to be about to be made illegal in the United States. Mulder did not so much step up to the plate as step down from the plate and in doing so became a hero for our age, sacrificing his own chance to carve himself into cricketing immortality and in doing so carving himself into cricketing immortality. I just think it's nice that we can start with a story about a white South African not taking something off a black horse. It's not been often enough in history that we've been able to summarize an anecdote with that sentence. Do you think that was on his mind?

I think if you're a white South African with conscience at the moment, given some of the events of history and given what one of your fellow travelers is up to in Elon Musk, you're doing everything to offset. This is carbon offsetting the negative PR to the white South African community caused by Elon Musk. I think it should be applauded. However, I do understand a lot of people will be hearing this and calling it rank communism and being demanded that Vian Mulder is hauled in front of the House of Uncapitalist Activities Commission. But also if you think about it, with Elon Musk sending the convertible into space, if that convertible was on earth it would have been causing a lot of pollution.

Yeah. That's true. But did he? Was the roof down or up when he... The roof was down. That seems naive. Then you won't need to put the aircon on. Right, no. Is there air in space?

No, famously. No one knows. Well, I guess we haven't been. There was enough air in the studio in Texas where they faked space. Yeah, it's well, listen, it's he said something very nice at the end. He said, you never know what's my fate or what is destined for me. But I think Brian Lara keeping that record is exactly the way it should be. It's heartwarming stuff.

And you do sometimes wish, you know, you would hope that Donald Trump would have looked at his record as a one-term president and thought, I don't deserve to belong to the pantheon of such luminaries as FDR, for example. But he just sort of pressed on. I'm pretty sure he's going to seek a third term. And so, you know, he's, he doesn't have the level of self-awareness of the unbolder. Yeah, he's become instantly a hero for all humanity for me. I too have given up my quest to overtake Brian Lara as the top test scorer. But where's my commemoration conversation? Other world news now, and Benjamin Netanyahu has nominated Donald Trump for a Nobel Peace Prize.

But yeah, that's it. We're in 2025. Both those words make sort of thematic sense. They shouldn't do, but they do. Well, it's easy to take the piss out of Trump being nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize. And that's bad. It shouldn't be easy to take the piss out of the nominees for the Nobel Peace Prize. Should be really difficult to roast them. You shouldn't be able to go, oh this is a

f***ing moron, negotiated peace between two war-torn countries. but I guess he's sort of forging peace through the lesser-known method of making sure that there's no one left to be at war with. Yeah, and doing that on multiple fronts as well, not just environmentally, politically. If there are less countries, there's less chance of war breaking out. Yeah, but I guess that's statistically true I mean it's the same I guess with you know, if you have with tennis players that if you put 128 tennis players In a like a tennis Like area like a facility they probably have a Grand Slam singles competition

The fewer tennis also worth noting for listeners that Wimbledon is slam singles competition. But the fewer tennis players... It's also worth noting for listeners that Wimbledon is also happening. So Andy is. Andy's direction... Andy's attention has been pulled in a couple of different directions. The fewer tennis players, the rather less likely a spontaneous tournament is to break out. You're quite right.

Hmm. I mean, it comes to something where this is so inappropriate that even the fact that Netanyahu was nominated Trump for a Peace Prize is a declaration of war on the concept of irony. One of history's biggest nominating one of history's other biggest for a Peace Prize is beyond my powers of comprehension. It's like asking Ronald McDonald to pick vegan of the year. of comprehension. It's like asking Ronald McDonald to pick vegan of the year. It's absolutely astonishing. Unless they have something planned in which the two of them

acknowledge with the level of self-awareness that we are in Moldova has laid out for all humanity to learn from. Think well the way that we can create peace for the world is by spending the rest of our lives on a desert island, arm in arm singing Love Lift Us Up Where We Belong. It's come to something. Netanyahu is having what are being referred to as indirect peace talks in a couple of the articles, which again should give you a pretty good sign that neither of these two fucking cunts is interested in the concept of peace. They can't even talk directly about it. Does that involve like, the sort of mirrors? Yeah.

Set up. So you never have to look anyone directly in the eye. And it's a double negative thing as well, because if you get war times war equals peace, I think, is that how it works? Yeah, that is, yeah. Is that what works in the 20th century with World War certainly. So Netanyahu came with a copy of a letter that he sent to the Nobel Prize Committee and said it's nominating you for the Peace Prize which is well deserved and you should get it and then according to Time magazine Trump responded by holding the paper that Netanyahu presented him and saying coming coming from you in particular, this is very meaningful.

And listen, who amongst us could not appreciate that Benjamin Netanyahu, a man who currently, lest we forget, stands accused of war crimes and crimes against humanity relating to the war in Gaza, which has led to the deaths of, according to estimates, more than 50,000 Palestinians. I'll say this for the guy, it takes a thief to catch a thief. And that guy knows what the opposite of peace looks like. To be fair, I didn't say coming from you in particular, this is very good. I said it's very meaningful.

And it means we are f**ked. He also said that Trump deserved the accolade because he was quote, forging peace and I think forging is the entirely appropriate word there. I think for once a politician is speaking in directly in terms that we can understand. Now like I say I've been busy with other stuff, but I have also come to realize there's no point following the news from Washington DC on a day to day, even a week to week or a month to month basis because it would have changed or the implications would have changed. But for Benjamin Netanyahu to fillet the Trumpian ego-plonker, metaphorically speaking of course, almost certainly metaphorically speaking, with talk of a peace prize, whilst basically on the same day his defence minister Israel

Katz talked about driving the people of Gaza into a camp, and that's the kind of thing, maybe I'm a little oversensitive to these things and words such as camp because of my Jewish heritage, but that's the kind of thing you would have expected, let's not go there. Katz described the proposed non-voluntary lodging arrangements for the people of Gaza as a humanitarian city to be filled by an emigration plan and that is the kind of propaganda euphemistical language and maybe again I'm a bit sensitive to this because of my Jewish background that would have been used by, no, no, no. Can I just come for, his? His name is Israel Katz.

Yes. It sounds like a charity. It sounds like, like, it'd be like our defence minister being called Batsy Dogzom. And then every time you've got to say, Israel Katz has suggested, it just sounds like the cats of Israel have just got hate in their feline hearts. Well I mean it's in many ways, again we can find the positives in these things, it means that everyone involved in the film Cats is no longer responsible for the most appalling cats of the decade so far. So we can cling to these things.

Do you think James Corden is funding the idea just to get that title away from him? Get driven down the SEO? idea just to get that title away from him. Get it to page seven of Google. Anna Allen Beck who's an Israeli board law professor at Case Western Reserve University has also submitted a nomination for Donald Trump before the deadline and she said that she'd done this because by securing the release of hostages, he had demonstrated why he's a deserving recipient. One of the other things she said that qualified him and that he was standing firm against is anti-Semitism.

She said Trump had been standing firm against anti-Semitism. Now, bear in mind that this is happening in the same week where Trump, at a rally, used the word Shylocks to describe bankers, which I mean, I don't know if we can talk about textbook cases of antisemitism, but it's pretty close to a textbook case of antisemitism. So it's a sort of stunning level of cognitive dissonance that we've got ourselves into now, where Trump can literally say something that the Anti-Defamation League describes as very troubling, but New York Congressman Daniel Goldman described in more direct terms as blatant and vile anti-Semitism. It's come to something that Trump can do that in the same week and then be submitted for the Nobel Peace Prize for his fight against anti-Semitism. I'm losing my mind here. What the f*** is going on?

So I guess in conclusion we can maybe say that a Nobel Peace Prize for Trump is at this stage still premature. Do you agree on that? It's premature in the sense that referring to a single sperm as a premature baby is premature. Listen, if we're getting into this terrain, then let's just go the whole hog. Somebody nominate the bugle for a Nobel Peace Prize. Well, yes, I mean, I think that actually makes quite a lot more sense. It makes more, it makes, let's just put think that's that actually makes quite a lot more sense. It makes more it make. Let's let's just put it this way.

It doesn't make any less sense. Yes. OK. How who is allowed to nominate? Is it like the Ballon d'Or has to be like the club captains and the captain? Is it like a committee of the world's most peaceable people? So I'm going to I'm going to I'm going to break the habit of a lifetime on this podcast and actually tell you that

I do know this. According to the Nobel Foundation. This is your last time on the show. Nominators can include any head of state, national level politician, professors of various humanities and social science disciplines, directors of peace research or foreign policy institutes, former laureates, and this final category says podcast listeners. Oh, right.

So I think we're in with a shell. So I qualify as a professor of what was it? Professor of? A professor of various humanities and social science disciplines. All right. Is cricket statistics not a social science? Well, I think of myself as a professor of the groove. So would that be covered

by that? It's Laureettes female Eddie Stobart drivers. That's what I call them, the lovely Laureettes here. That is why you're always welcome on the show. The international listenership is baffled. Andy, in I'm going to be very careful how I phrase the next bit for fear of legal repercussions news. Good, right. At midnight on Saturday, Palestine Action was officially prescribed under the Terrorism Act in the UK government. It means that the group which engaged in a series of non-violent direct actions,

including a defacement of RAF equipment that's estimated to cost about £7 million, has been joined Al Qaeda, Hamas and ISIS on the official terrorism list and support for or being a member of Palestine Action is now punishable by up to 14 years in prison. Now this is a decision that's attracted a huge amount of criticism, not just from, maybe from some surprising sources as well. The Times newspaper, the former, what would you describe your relationship with the Times newspaper as? Well, I aren't. The former lightly racist aunt of this podcast, a Rupert Murdoch owned newspaper in this country in its editorial

described this news story as a misuse of the law. So it's received a huge amount of criticism over the weekend. There were massive protests in London and as if just sort of continuing to try and pursue a negative PR campaign against themselves. The British state arrested several people who were protesting in support of Palestine action, one of whom included an 83 year old retired priest. So we're really getting to the core of the terrorist threat in this country. Even discussing them supportively on this podcast

would be considered to be an act of terrorism. And just to cover our backs legally, I should say that every time you say Palestine, you're spelling it with two L's and I think it's E-Y-N-H at the end. Can I just say I hope that 83 year old priest gets the full 14 years in prison for supporting terrorism. They'll be out when they're 97, where hopefully they won't be able to do any more harm. The trail of devastation that they've left behind them will be just an echo in history by then. They arrested multiple people who were carrying signs that said I oppose genocide,

I support Palestine action and I think that's an absolutely disgusting sentiment and they deserve to be put behind bars for publicly opposing genocide and I don't, I think I've, could I get put in prison if they're like, I sensed irony in that. If they're like, it sounds like you're taking the piss, so I'm happy to do multiple recordings where the irony is dialed down from like, oh, I hate people who oppose genocide to, I hate people who oppose genocide. I'll just do a full spectrum and we can put out whichever one will keep me safe. Good. Okay, well that's... Listen, obviously this is a... it's been a very controversial story here. It's drawn a lot of criticism and allegations that the government is pursuing draconian quasi-putin-esque actions which is, let's face it, never a compliment. Never a compliment. Although it's an outstanding pasta sauce.

But what all of this makes me think, if I'm being completely honest, is kids have got it too easy these days. They got it too easy. Back in my day, if you wanted to be prescribed as a terrorist organisation, you had to get a pilot's licence. You had to source a series of box cutters and then use those box cutters to take a plane hostage. You then had to fly that plane into one or both of the twin towers and that's how you got to be a terrorist. Not spray painting a plane. It's pathetic.

These kids are getting participation trophies at school and they're getting called terrorists because they've spray painted some shit. It's a disgrace. If Osama bin Laden is turning in the sea. If 9-11 happened now on the news report, would you hear someone go, Hang on, I think that plane's been spray painted. Just before the impact.

They've graffitied the planes. That's disgusting. Some of that paint's going to rub off on that building. A former government minister also has urged parliament to designate the Israeli IDF as a terrorist organisation rather than Palestine Action. And look, I don't want to get into the legal nitty-gritty of it. I just think we are way past the time where we judge people by their actions. I think that's a very irresponsible thing to do.

I think as well, so Palestine Action, from my understand it's been largely, or if not wholly, non-violent protest and they've been prescribed a terrorist group. I don't know if they've... They've proscribed, not prescribed. It's a very important difference. Okay, they've been proscribed. Yeah but I mean it's not like the doctor saying you need some of this this group. It's the opposite of that. Vowels are very important here. I will also say there's a there's another undercurrent to this. This is a real news story that's happening in the UK at the moment. A new civil disobedience organization has been formed that claims to be influenced by

some of the actions taken by Palestine Action and they have named themselves Yvette Cooper which I'm sure this is a total coincidence, is the name of the Home Secretary who has proposed the law making Palestine Action a terrorist organisation. So they have now called themselves Yvette Cooper to ensure that if Yvette Cooper, the Home Secretary, describes to prescribe their group Yvette Cooper as a terrorist organisation, then Yvette Cooper will be designating Yvette Cooper as a terrorist organization and that is a level of commitment to a bit yes that I do have a huge amount of respect for that might be peak 2020s Britain that you've got that glorious combination of massive

legislative overreach and childish wordplay and I think we can we can get behind that as a story. It was also pointed out that like six seven days ago all 264 female MPs received a handmade suffragette sash and were posed wearing the sashes of that well-known terrorist group who I think did more than spray-painting things. Yeah, they tried to rugby tackle horses. You can't crash tackle... she wasn't Samoan. Ted Cruz news now and it's been a while since we had a Ted Cruz News section on The Bugle but in the aftermath of the harrowing tragedy of the Texas floods

Cruz has come under what I think is probably justified criticism for swanning around the Acropolis on holiday rather than returning home to help his grief-stricken people. Now clearly, Cruz did then go home the next day, but he emphatically did toddle around the Acropolis and peek at its celebrity temple, the Parthenon, of course. No doubt, soaking in the historical lessons from Athens about how democracy can crumble to dust if you don't look after it respectably

and stop the plutocrats' necrotists from using it as a toy. So you know it was probably quite a good fact-finding expedition for the lad but his claim that he returned home his office said that he returned home as fast as humanly possible only stands up if you mean if you take as fast as humanly possible to mean not using any non-human form of transport such as a bicycle, a car or an aeroplane. In his defense, the Acropolis is amazing. I don't think that's quite enough to to to justify it was bad enough that on Saturday, the 5th of July at 6pm, which is a local great time, so about 11am on on Saturday morning more than 24 hours after the river burst his banks him and

his wife were spotted lining up lining up lining up to go and see the Parthenon I would say if you have legislative responsibility for a state that is facing a genuine catastrophe in which I think like at least a hundred people have lost their lives and You see a queue you're thinking we don't have time We simply do not have time with that would you respect it more of those video footage of him going can I get to it? Can I just get by there's a flood in my? I'm in charge of Texas and Pass you be like that guy's in a rush.

Again, horribly enough these figures are, the figure that I'm about to say was current to the time of the person who said it was talking, but an eyewitness saw Cruz and then told the Daily Beast he was with his family and a lone security guard. As he walked past us I simply said, 20 kids with his family and a lone security guard. As he walked past us, I simply said, 20 kids dead in Texas and you take a vacation. He sort of grunted and walked on. His wife shot me a dirty look. Then they continued on with their tour guide.

They were on a guided tour. They didn't even have the decency to go, we'll skip the guided tour and just have a quick look around ourselves. I mean, the only way that could have been made valid, and bearing in mind this is a Greek temple he's going to with his wife and children, is if he was going to sacrifice one of his family to make sure that the gods blessed Texas. But I don't think he did, we don't have confirmation of whether or not that happened. At least in short he got there quickly. As you've said Andy, it's not even his, this is not-

My degree was not wasted, I think I've proved that. This is not even the first time this has happened. No. In 2021, he flew to Cancun, Mexico during a disaster that left millions of people without power or water in Texas. And then after he was asked about it, he said, obviously, he described it as obviously a mistake. Ted Cruz is sort of determined to not learn from history. So you'll hope that he might look around the ruins of ancient Greece and think democracy can crumble at

any point. It's completely wasted on him. That's the maddest thing, isn't it? I guess we're just in a sort of day and age where certainly in like Trump's America you can just be shit and thick and do but if you sort of confidently go oh no I haven't I haven't done anything wrong people will just believe that. And if at least if the people in your state are freezing to death, at least go on a cold holiday. Go to Sweden. It'd be so much less offensive if there's footage of him seeing the Northern Lights and there's snow everywhere and he's like, oh I'm bloody cold as well. I know exactly how you feel.

He has based his entire political career and reputation on his unerring ability, not just his ability but his unquenchable determination to do the wrong thing at the wrong time. It's on brand isn't it Nish? Yeah it is. The brazenness is what's so galling about this because in the statement where his office said that he'd made it back as fast as he could be possible, they also said this, the Senator was already in the middle of a pre-planned family vacation. That doesn't help matters.

I'm sorry, did he have non-refundable deposits? Well, yeah, you can see why he didn't want to. He'd pay for that hotel for an extra couple of days. Well, we are running out of time, so we need to very quickly do the Yorkshire news section since we have Ian here, the official Bugle Yorkshire correspondent. And there's been a, there's a hosepipe band, because when you think of Yorkshire correspondent and there's there's been a there's a hosepipe band because when you think of Yorkshire Ian you think of hosepipes you think of children dance go around the hosepipe on a warm spring day benevolent granddad

sharing their tales of youthful hosepiper Ian maidens proudly parading their village hosepipe through the moors and dales to mark the beginning of the uniquely Yorkshirean festival of true mania where people pay tribute to the great fast bowler Freddie Truman so how is Yorkshire going to cope without without without host pipes well yeah this is a big reason why I wanted to come on the podcast this week okay because the restrictions come in from Friday this released on Thursday yeah so you've got one day go mad with your host pipes if you're in Yorkshire just go absolutely bonkers

with them. Keep them on. Get them in while you can. Wash your children with them. Yeah, brush your teeth with them. Like use it as like a sort of speed thing. Yeah and the loophole that I found that I just wanted to tell people about is you can still use a hosepipe if it's a crucial part of a professional business. So if you're like washing cars and stuff. So very quickly you want to buy yourself a van, just put something on the side of it like Ian's wacky garden pipe cleaner and then you can go around and you can use the pipe and you can make a bit of money. If you get your pipes in, set up a business, people will

employ you to hose the gardens. I think there's money to be made here. That's the entrepreneurial spirit that made this country great. Go mad with it is what I'd like to see written on the new banknotes. Just go mad with it Well that brings us to the end of this week's this week's bugle. Thank you very much for listening Thank you initially and for bringing me up to date with some of the news that I might have missed whilst chronicling Shubham and Gill's 430 runs in the match Second most all-time of course by player in it anyway Second most all-time of course by a player in it. Anyway, a few plugs for you NATO Green is doing a show on the 20th of July at the DC Art Center in

Washington DC entitled In the Darkest Hour. Tickets available on the internet I do support all Bugle co-hosts who are going to the Edinburgh Festival. I'll have a full list of those who are going to the Edinburgh Festival next week. You guys are both going to be there? Yes, I'm going to be there. I'm doing the final performances of my tour show Nish Don't Kill My Vibe. If I sound hesitant, it's because I'm waiting for my own website to load up. On July the 23rd and the 25th, I'll be doing that show at the Montreal Comedy Festival

at the Place des Arts at the Plaste's Arts. Come on down. And then in Edinburgh, I'm doing the August the 1st to the 10th. Those will be the final performances of that show. Please buy tickets now. And I'm doing my new show, Foot Spa, Half Empty,

and it's on for the whole month of the Fringe. And I think it will be good. Right, well history will be the judge. And you buglers when you buy tickets to... We don't need to wait for history on this one. We could just get a ticket and go and see if it's good. There you go, you can pre-empt history buglers by going to see Ian's show. go you can preempt history by going to see Ian's show. Right the Bugle 18th anniversary show will be on the 26th of October at the Leicester Square Theatre and it will be live streamed around the entire known universe we will have full details and hopefully a ticket link by

this time next week. Chris is sort of nodding, sort of shrugging. Okay well anyway just put that date in your heads 26th of October the bugle will be 80. If you need financial viability this podcast is astounding to me. So full details forthcoming along with soon some tour extensions dates of the Zolt guys for early next year. Anyway, we'll be back next week when we have Alice Fraser and Anuvabh Pal to once again bring you up to date with what's been happening whilst the Lord's Test has been on. Until then, goodbye. Hi Buglers, it's Producer Chris here. I just wanted to very quickly tell you about my new podcast Mildly Informed, which is in podcast feeds and YouTube right now. Quite simply,

it's a show where me and my friend Richie review literally anything. So please come join us wherever you get your podcasts right now.