The Bugle - Satan Destroys America!

Episode Date: November 14, 2020

Alice and Josh join Andy to celebrate/mourn in the aftermath of the US election. Does Jon Voight have a point? Also, robot wolf news, pubes and vaccinations!We have a sister show, The Last Post, which you can hear here. Follow us on YouTube or Insta and see parts of this episode with actual video.The Bugle is hosted this week by:Andy ZaltzmanAlice FraserJosh GondelmanAnd produced by Chris Skinner LISTEN TO BUSH'S BOARD GAME THING Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Dancelaguard fans, you will be thrilled to know a book is coming out if you fund it via Unbound. We are publishing the Dancelaguard Reader by Alice Fraser and Dancelaguard, a glorious insight into the world of Dancelaguard, self-published romance maven, and online bestseller. If you would like to find out how to support it, go to thebugelpodcast.com. If we get enough support, we will publish the book. That's a real thing that's going to happen. Thebugelpodcast.com to support the Danciler Guard Reader. A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A Audio newspaper for a visual world. Hello, but you guys and welcome to issue 4173 of the but you all audio newspaper for a visual world albeit a visual world which only sees what it wants to see. I am Andy Zoltzmann in London here in the shed of truth in that this room has been shed

of truth. Good to have a fact clear. I have a couple of weeks to keep it pure. Joining me this week from irrespectively Australia and the USA, it's Josh Gondelman and Alice Fraser. Hello to both of you. Josh, this is the first time you've been on the bugle as a citizen of what has now officially become a rogue state. So how's that working out for you?

It's very exciting. I'm expecting my kind of government-issued eye patch to show up soon and I'm just gonna get on a boat and fight people in other boats I think is what I'm gonna do. Yes, we are recording on the 13th of November 2020. Alice, can we learn from Australia where essentially essentially, we're going to look further at the state of the American election and after-math. Can we learn from Australia where no one stays in charge long enough for anyone to bother talking your war when they get democratically de-fenestrated?

Yes, Australia has a very well-balanced political system in that we have compulsory voting, which means that politics is by necessity, incredibly boring. And also, we just roll our Prime Ministers, depending on what fashion our shoes are. Like, if they don't match the drapes, we get a new Prime Minister. We change the drapes a lot. That sounds like so much better a system. We will touch more on these matters. In due course, we're recording on the 13th of November, which is World Kindness Day. So you can take 24 hours off and then get back to resentful odious meanness for the next 364 days everyone. Tomorrow the 14th is loosen up like an up day. The 15th of November is Philanthropy Day. Keep

trying. Well the 16th is International Day for Tolerance. It's just not working is it? We need too many days. 17th of November, unfriend day. Yes. We had enough of this wokery after four days of attempting to be what we're not. Let's focus on what we good at as a species, resentment and unfriendliness. The thing to remember is it's also Friday the 13th today. Yeah, the point is, Friday the 13th where you are. And that means it's the only day of the year that you can go back to all of the idiots who goes to do in the past and go with little ghost emojis and go, ooh, there hasn't been a f*** boy here in 30 years. On this day, the 13th of November in the year 2002, the St. Bryce's Day Massacre took place English King Ethel Reddy Unready, ordered the killing of all Danes in England.

So no wonder, some one thousand and eighteen years later, the EU is being so difficult in those Brexit negotiations and not giving us exactly what we want, they've got very long memories. Ethel Reddy, his name does not in fact derive from the modern word unready, apparently, according to Noless of Source than the internet, but from the old English word unread, meaning poorly advised, which is a classic early British euphemism for f***ing quitted. And a certain train, a tradition of leadership, that continues very much to this day. There was an anecdote written by the celebrity historian William of

Momsbury, a 12th century superstar of history, that Ethelred had shat in the font as a child at his baptism, which I guess is, you know, that's a kind of story that it's hard to shift, isn't it, from your reputation? Really sets the narrative, really. Yeah. I also think if I was going to be kind of, if I was going to be a historian, I'd want to be one

in the 12th century, just because there's so much less to have kept up on. Yeah, I mean, there was some decade, literally nothing happened. You could just clock off, pick up the salary as a historian, not have to do any work. Now it's, you know, the 24 hour news cycle. Let's just ruin the... As always, the section of the bugle is going straight in the bin. This week you've got a how-to section. Obviously, with the lockdowns this year, people have been trying to build up new skills. We're going to help you this week with our how-to teaching you new skills, including how

to build an arc. And we cannot emphasise enough the importance of dealing with the sewage issue. Really cool, no, a hell of a lot of problems. And it's the etymological origin of the word arc in fact when he finally disinvolved he was asked what kind of boat is that and his incident response was just how to cook a fossil it's tricky I'm not going to deny it very hard to make it tender and get the original flavors out how to adapt a family car for space travel part one take

the current engine out part two will follow next week. How to win Wimbledon, quite simple, really start playing tennis at an early age, be good at it, try really hard and take it from there. Failing all that, sneak into Wimbledon at the dead of night and pretend to play a match against a made up opponent, then emotionally climb up to the players box to give your imaginary family a cuddle. How to sneak up on someone whilst wearing a medieval suit of armor without being noticed, oil your joints, absolutely key. And how to forge a vote, just make a mark in a box next

to someone's name afterwards Democratic Party. It turns out it's as easy as that. That is literally all right. That's what they're trying to do. Top story this week, it's all over, apart from it being all over. This is a US election and COVID vaccine special. Both things are now done, complete. We've found a vaccine, so the virus is over, apart from it not being over and it not being clear exactly how well the vaccine will work. And the US election, while we're recording this on the 13th of November,

Josh and the election still rumbles on 10 days after it took place and a week off the result was confirmed. And despite the result being pretty clear cut in the end and the election, having been monitored by both sides throughout the world, having accepted that result, and it being really important to get on with stuff, like trying to stop more than 100,000 people of Dana-American contracting coronavirus in the vague.

Charming faniquated idea that the US is at least in some respect, still a beacon of hope for the world. But despite all that, it's still up in the air. It's still anyone's, it's like a cat. That's been kicked up in the air, was landed in a tree, and has been gaffer-taped to that tree by the person who kicked it in the air, who then says, well, we're just gonna have to wait

until Moxie finishes his flying lessons. How was, we recorded some nine days ago on the Wednesday when it was starting to become clear that Biden was, was, was, was going to win, but it hadn't been confirmed. And before Trump had really given it the full, the full loon, let's call it, how's the last nine days been, been for you in America?

I, well, it's been a roller coaster over here. And one of those roller coasters where a bunch of people have died, but they still leave it open. I think that's a real problem, but that is the mood. It was on Saturday, last Saturday. It was very exciting. The mood where I live in New York City,

it was very exciting, not so much because Joe Biden inspires confidence. He more inspires you to call your grandfather, while you still have the chance, while you still around. But people are out in the streets celebrating and cheering that Trump was gone. And this is where Donald Trump is from, right, New York City. Can you imagine what it's like to have people

in your hometown just applauding the worst day of your life? I can. My high school did a production of Fiddler on the roof, and the Ketu played Tevye wasn't Jewish, and I was right there. That's not the point. It's not the point. I'm just saying I've been there. It's bad.

But practically before the car horns honking in jubilation had transitioned back to their customary honking and get the f*** out of the way, Republicans had started to gingerly signal that they thought there was fraud. to marry Honking and get the f*** out of the way, Republicans had started to gingerly signal that they thought there was fraud. Mike Pompeo, the Secretary of State, joked, joked, he said, that he was preparing to transition into a second, transition peacefully into a second Trump term, which is a kind of joke.

You can't make when you're the Secretary of State. That's like your gynecologist going, you're pregnant, psych, inappropriate. We come to you for facts. Well, in the South, you go to your gynecologist for a few facts and a religious sermon. But like overall, the feeling here is like, the Republicans are kind of tiptoeing towards a coup, right?

These little signals of, we want to count all the legally cast votes, which is a little suspicious when you carve it out like that, right? That's like saying, like walking into a bar or a guy is screaming, I wouldn't cheat on you with anybody in this room. It's like, okay, what aren't you saying? What are you leaving out here? It is really like, they're kind of approaching it slowly, they're testing the waters. It really feels like they're approaching a coup with the same method as, like, wouldn't it be weird if we kissed?

I mean, like, I know, it would be funny, right? Because we're friends, and it would just be like funny to kiss. And that's what they're like, but with overthrowing the democratic process. Yeah, I mean, it's not surprising that a Republican party is against transitioning, but I feel like the coronavirus, much like the election has been full of scary pricks. And I feel like the depressing reality of this kind of Trump coup waggling or whatever it is trying to figure out how to go to both the banana republic and the wealth gap at the same time, is that the people who voted for them are living in a completely different news landscape. They're not dealing with the

same scenarios that we are. They've got this world in which the liberal media are deeply invested in stripping away your personal freedoms to call people the N word. But also four senior officials from the Pentagon were fired or resigned this week, which is a way to turn the chill vibes of a lame duck presidency into the, oh my god, duck presidency. Right, that goose that walks around terrorizing you in the video game. with that goose that walks around terrorizing you in the video game. It's an untitled, aggressive goose presidency. Well, Trump has reacted to the, the outcome very much as you would expect anyone in his head and body to react like a deranged psychotic toddler. And he's fought very bravely.

It must be said against his long term enemies, at reality, mathematics, dignity, good sense and democracy. And we've got to give him credit. He has galvanized the American electorate. He garnered more, please don't be president votes against him than any candidate in history by a mile. In fact, by five miles, if you stack the almost 80 million votes now in a big pile. Now, I'm usually for someone who likes to claim that he's setting records for the biggest things ever. He's not responded very well to this sergeant Snowflake is in full meltdown and we're enjoying if that is the right word and it's very much absolutely the wrong word, the final desperate

thrashings of the Trump cantankercy. And it's some, I mean, he's been throwing around the numbers, you know, how well he's done and all the you know to go more votes than any other any other candidate the history of humanity apart from the person he was up against. He more people voted against Trump than voted for the winning candidate in all the presidential elections held from 1788 to 1908 inclusive. That is 31 elections worth of votes. Now I know those numbers are not relevant, but that's what happens with votes and statistics. Those numbers are going to get twisted to prove a point. And admittedly at the time, 1788 to 1908, there were certain restrictions on the number of votes cast caused

by bodily organs such as wombs and skin. But still, the point more people voted against Trump than voted in favor of the president and the first 31 elections of American history. There's all this all this math right like all the contested votes. Oh he's down by 30,000 in the state. He's going to contest. But like really, this is only a function of like American democracy being so messed up to begin with because it's all about the electoral college. He's losing by five million, more than five million votes

and he's going, but these 30,000 are the votes that are important. These are the ones that can make the difference. This is like watching a TV show called America's Got President where like the public wants this, but if Howard Stern says you're not the president, then you're not the president. All men are created equal, Josh, unless they're born in Pennsylvania in which they're created. Superhuman. Superhuman. I don't know anyone is surprised that he can't accept the results

of this election. This is a man who can't accept the topography and color scheme of his own actual head. But I do think now, Josh, that it's, you know, there's been a lot of talk about, you know, reaching out and healing from America. And I do think it's very important for the Republicans to reach out to these 80 million ordinary people who voted against Trump to show that they understand their care concerns about America. Those on the right have to get out of their bubbles and learn to empathize with a swell of opinion that drove this record vote against a president and not demonizing stereotype these 80 million people as just idiots.

I fully agree. I think there was this kind of wisdom. I mean, wisdom is the wrong word. It was an idea on the right, not wisdom though. There is this idea that like, as if Trump lost, we wouldn't hear about COVID in the news anymore because it was all a scheme to put, to dent and ding the Trump presidency,

so he would lose. And there is no more media bubble than that. There's no more media bubble than the media, your media diet being like, science is going out the window once this guy loses. Nobody is going to care. And it's like, of course that didn't. It's ridiculous. Of course that didn't happen. Quarter of a million people died to make him look bad. Those are the ones that avoided. So, the Trump reaction, I mean, it has been completely extraordinary. And it is either the greatest piece of investigative journalism in human history that will make Woodward and Bernstein's Watergate, Flynn Flam, look like an expose, the owner of a switch up, eating

a small chocolate bar and not paying himself for it. Or it is the frantic ravings of a nuclear grade delusionist. And I guess, you know, what you think very much depends on whether you're the kind of person who likes things like evidence as a side order with their main course of accusations. I mean, it's, it is, I've spent a lot of time this week trying to read a breadth of news coverage from America at Josh and it's left me essentially massively pessimistic about the entire future of the human species and everything related to that issue. But it's a, it's already chance that they're any kind of reconciliation, because it seems that basically the two sides are living in sort of parallel universes essentially. And is there any way that any form of sort of cohesion

can emerge from this? You know, I'm not sure. It feels really tough. Mark Zuckerberg reportedly said that Steve Bannon hasn't broken the rules of Facebook enough to be suspended, to have his accounts suspended, after he said that Dr. Fauci and the head of the FBI should be beheaded. So it feels like as long as that's allowed, we're going to have a few picky differences

of opinion. As long as the right wing media is like, you know, we should cut off more heads. And the left wing media is like, well, maybe you should use anesthesia before you cut off someone's head. So it's like a little tough. It's all about freedom of speech, Josh Gondelman,

but the problem with freedom of speech nowadays is that you don't have to do it to somebody's face. I all for freedom of speech if they can then speech you right back in your face Right because then that becomes like the freedom of fists and we'll see you know It's like there's at least a next step there but on the internet like I don't know. I've been I've been on the internet and It does seem like the country is coming together over the fact that I'm a twerpy little Jew. So maybe the healing has begun. The American government's cyber security and infrastructure agency has issued a statement

saying that the election was the most secure in American history, but there is no evidence that any voting system deleted or lost votes, changed votes, or was in any way compromised. Trump nonetheless has repeated an unproven report that a voting machine system deleted almost three million of his votes. I mean, maybe if you paid more taxes, you could have afforded a more secure voting system.

We just don't, we just don't know, but the thing is Josh, I mean, there's no evidence that these things happened, but what if they had happened? What if they had happened? Well, this is you were talking about counterfactuals and bad statistics. The talking point on the right is if you don't count California, Trump, you know, it's even. It's like, you're sure. And if you if you don't count, if you don't count Texas, he won by six million. And if you do count the rest of the world, he loses by six billion.

But we just let everybody vote. Like there's no, that doesn't matter. This is all, right, it's all counterfactual. But I think you're talking about cybersecurity experts. I've got a cybersecurity expert for you. What? Rudolph Giuliani. Oh, what?

Rudy Giuliani, the cybersecurity expert. That's technically, that's what he does. That's his job, even though he's consistently butt-dialing reporters and getting caught on hot mics. So he's more like, he's more like the goofess of cybersecurity where he's just like, don't do this. He held the press conference last week and it was announced that it would be at the four seasons and then of course,

it was immediately corrected to, it will be held at four seasons total landscaping, which I think if you're gonna go to four seasons landscaping, don't fuck around with partial. Go for total, that's what I have decided. It is the funniest thing that's ever happened in history. It's somehow the funniest thing to happen to Rudy Giuliani this year, and one month before

he was caught on camera by Borat with his hands down his pants. We're not giving the Rudy Giuliani the comedy credit he deserves. He's like Will Ferrell in the early odds. Just crushing left and right. It's amazing. It seems like Rudy Giuliani is just walking around answering his phone ready to fall for stuff. I think we should have a prank show where someone, one person just pranks Rudy Giuliani for

30 minutes every week on camera, Ashley Kutcher, whoever. I would love it. I would watch it every week. But for some reason, people think this Italian Mr. Magoo is like a convincing and authoritative presence on television. And that's because one day, 19 years ago, he made a serious face on a serious day. Here's my hot take, and this is pretty scorching. At this point in history, Rudy Giuliani is the primary beneficiary of 9-11

Even more than Osama bin Laden because Rudy Giuliani is currently not at the bottom of the ocean Although I do think he could be tricked into living there fairly easily He's not just a yes man. He's a yes and man. He gets into real He's not just a yes man, he's a yes and man. He gets into real, in-roption, and he gets... I had the great joy of my father was doing a meditation course for 10 days during the pinnacle of this election cycle. So I got to tell him about four seasons total landscaping and it may be the pinnacle of our father-daughter relationship.

What an incredible choice by your father. I can't, that's, he's the best guy I've ever heard of. We're just like, I'm gonna take 10 days off during this period. I'm just not gonna be aware of things. And then you get to go, oh, there have been so many things. Just too late. So, Alice, I'm like, I've met your father,

and he doesn't strike me as being a natural Trump voter. So you're saying he took a 10 day meditation course over the election. So if you then extrapolate that over, you know, and assume that all people who wouldn't vote for Trump would do the same. That means that all Democrat voters would have been on a 10-day meditation course during the election. So all their votes are fake

essentially. I mean, the four seasons to the barcle, and you know, it happened a few days ago now, I'm sure, all of Bueglers were aware of the things. But it didn't entirely bowed well for the Trump regime's efforts to discredit one of the most open and scrutinized elections ever held that they couldn't organize a press conference and it not end up outside a gardening center in between a sex shop and a crematorium.

That suggests that they might not have the personnel needed to achieve this takedown of the election. It really was like a beautiful metaphor between a sex shop and a crematorium. That's where the Trump presidency exists because either they're trying to f*** us or they're just burning shit down. Ha ha ha ha.

One person who's not happy at all about the election is actor John Voight, who has described America's current situation as the biggest fight since the civil war, righteousness versus Satan. And let me emphasize this is not him voicing a trailer for a new superhero movie. This is his genuinely Held belief, but if he's right then Satan moves in even more mysterious ways than God. I mean you've got to give him both credit for their distinctive moves I guess, but I mean it's quite a curious way for Satan to go about just destroying America by encouraging The highest election turnout for over 100 years. And essentially a system just about holding together under ridiculous pressure.

Yeah, I feel like if the devil took the shape of Joe Biden, we'd be like, come on, Satan, you've lost your fastball man. Another tweet that's awesome, a former Republican Congressionalary Primary candidate for Pennsylvania, Dean Browning, you know, the one, the white Christian guy who posted a tweet saying that as a black gay guy, everything is much better under Trump. He needs to claim that he forgot to switch accounts to his fake account, which he uses the spouting by-l under the guys of being black and gay, which of course is a Christian. He'd never do, and then claim to be quoting a post he'd received from another

Twitter user who issued a video claiming to be that person, which it turned out he was not. That guy, anyway, Dean Browning, put out a tweet saying, what Trump built in four years, Biden will destroy in four months. Now, I mean, building, a built seems a curious term. Josh, I know I'm on the other side of the political seesaw from Mr. Manny's built in very much the same way that Bashar Alasad's architects have spent so much time building new residential and commercial districts in Aleppo. But four months, that seems, I don't know, optimistic. I mean, that's the dream.

There is nobody cooler than the Joe Biden that conservatives imagine. I don't really like that, Dan. He just, he wants to show up and give you health care. And the whole country is just gonna be a Marxist, highly lubed orgy. And you're just like, wow, this guy sounds at least fascinating. Like, if you were to hear the Republican descriptions

of Joe Biden and then you were to, without having seen Joe Biden and then you saw Joe Biden and heard him talk, you'd be like, this guy, no way. No way, it's like when you, when like someone you know now is talking about their best friend from childhood and like, he's fucking awesome. He just crushes beers. He's out there slaying chicks. And then you meet him and you're like, dude, you just got fired from managing an apple bees because you kept doing that prank where you put onion rings on your dick. And now look,. And now look, Joe Biden hasn't faced any consequences

for his sexual misconduct. But what I will say, he's probably not as bad as your friend from childhood, but he is not as awesome as the Republicans are building him up to be. Terring Trump's all legacy down in four months, that, God, I like, dream of that. Yeah, he's gonna come into your house and steal your guns from you and then take your daughters

and teach them how to sext. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A- Vaccine news now and well it's all fine now everything's been fine yes Covid numbers are rising alarmingly around the world but there is hope of a less shit future in the not too distant future the Pfizer biotech vaccine initial trials have shown that it's 90% successful, leading the world stock markets to absolutely soil themselves with excitement. That's the economy of the world. We'll get back to full exploitable action in just a few months time. Obviously there are logistical issues with immenizing the world. Obviously the

old must come first and by old I mean old rich nations rather than the than people. The drug itself needs to be kept at minus 70 Celsius or maybe it doesn't, depending on which articles you read, it might or might not work, Ditto. But still, this has been an unusually quick progress for a vaccine. In the past they've sometimes taken thousands of years to find the right vaccine or the right prayer or the right sacrifice to get rid of a disease. I mentioned the 90% effectiveness in the trials. The best prayers plateaued out at only around 30 to 35% effectiveness, so not enough to stop the progress of some of history's top celebrity plagues. Alice, you are a vaccination and inoculation correspondent. How excited are you about

this development? Look, I am moderately excited about this development and I'm excited to see the ways in which people manage to politicise this life-saving technology. I'm excited to see the ways in which it goes wrong and is badly distributed. I'm excited to see the ways in which it goes wrong and is badly distributed. I'm excited to see the arguments that we have about who deserves to live and who deserves to die. I think that's a beautiful insight into the human character. And I for one will be stabbing an old lady to death in order to crawl climb over her still twitching corpse in order to reach this still twitching corpse in order to reach this vaccine before it's fully proven in fact. Another issue that has arisen in the battle against COVID is the evil influence of Danish Mink, the disease has apparently spread to Mink and the news has emerged that Denmark has

been slaughtering millions and millions of mink. I think was it 15 million mink they were I know, 17 up to 17 million. 17 million mink now. Well, nobody think of the mink. Yeah. Denmark has decided to call all of its farmed mink, which is up to 17 million animals because of the spread of a mutant form of coronavirus. Apparently these mink get it and then change it up in their little mink bellies and give it back worse to people. But of course, just slaughtering the mink without a referendum or without legal basis has obviously resulted in a political outcry

and the Prime Minister has admitted that the plan was, quote unquote, rushed. So this massive mink murder is apparently not legally justified. It's a COVID-based mink extraduegeical assassination. And the thing that is most shocking to me about this story is that I had no idea minks were still a thing. Like how many 1930s mob moles are still running around demanding mink coats from their sugar daddy's? That's an extraordinary number. Just forgot I painted Denmark. And I did not see a single mink, uh, anyway.

Like this is going to be unpopular. Um, I don't like the killing of all these minks. I mean, I mean, it makes me sad to think about a mass mix slaughter on that scale, but I do, one percent of me likes the idea of something that makes the virus easier to get for just the rich because they're all posting pictures from their private islands like multiple tests. We're all safe. We've been social distancing. We took our masks off for the picture on this island that nobody else has access to you. And

I like the idea that that maybe one super wealthy person who is thus far avoided all proximity to coughing and people will put on a mink coat and go, oh no, is this it? Whereas I've got a denim jacket at home that's totally safe. Of course the Dane slaughtered all their denims in the, I think, 1750s to clear land. The Denmark massacre. The origin of the name, of course. Britain news now and the Prime Minister has resigned. Dominic Cummings, the acting Prime Minister of Great Britain, has, well, he's quick, he's going to leave No. 10 Downing Street and his frontman, Boris Johnson, by the end of the year, another one of Johnson's key

aids also, this week. I mean, this is awful. This is an awful week for British democracy. Cummings by walking out, let down all the people who voted for him last December to wield Machiavellian behind the scenes power incompetently. And now people are wondering, what was their vote for? I mean, obviously, it's a bit of an oversimplification to say that everyone who voted for the Tories last December was necessarily voting in favour of Cummings, many were voting negatively to prevent Jeremy Corbyn's Labour Party executive director of strategy and communication, Shamist Milne from being the unseen force behind the scenes. But this is, I mean this is rocked British democracy to its core. Is this

made news in Australia, Alice, the resolution of coming? Well, my Twitter settings are still based on the UK. Twitter still thinks I'm in the UK because I like to trick my algorithms where I can. But apparently a senior and other ten sort of said that Dominic Cummings has promised to be out by Christmas, but Dominic Cummings has said to a BBC journalist that rumors of me threatening to resign are invented, rumors of me asking others to resign are invented.

And if anyone knows how to invent a rumor, it's the man who told you that Brexit would be good for the British economy. Okay. It's been, I mean, a difficult time, I think, for the John Sonion government. It's the obviously non-transferable skill set of provocative

campaigning has turned out not to be transferable to the actual job of governing a f***ing country, even a ridiculous one of the UK. And so Cummings is on his way out leaving Downing Street in the hands of Paul Boris Johnson, a humble journalist, caught up in a job for which he has no relevant experience or skill through no fault of his own, other than his own responsibility for his actions, decisions and their consequences. And he's posted an advert today asking for a full-time henchperson skills required, include looking shift you whenever a camera is present, a postgraduate qualification in bare-faced hypocrisy, the willingness to undermine democracy, both for fun and work,

and to treat parliament like a plating, and also no point to allow the good of the country to become a distraction from the more important governmental business of controlling the news cycle, salary, the raw adrenaline of covert power. Monster Wolf News Now, Alice, you are a robotic wolf correspondent. This has been a great time for robotic wolves. Yes, indeed, Andy. A Japanese town has deployed a series of monster wolf robots to deter bears. I said what I said. That is what I said.

This is so Japanese that if any other nation on Earth was deploying robot wolves to deal with their bare problem, I would accuse them of cultural appropriation. This is the most amazing story and it brings me great joy. Apparently these are sort of animatronic robot wolves that respond to the presence of movement by howling and making, quote, machine noises. I guess it's turning, you know, it's like the Post-it-Note people when the glue wasn't good enough, they turned it into a benefit. If you see pictures of these robot wolves, they're on platforms, they are terrifying,

they're like a Halloween party gone wrong. And they've sold, apparently, they've sold about 70 units. Unfortunately, since 2018, apparently, the market for robot walls to deter bears is not as high as you would want to eat. It has a shaggy body. They are blonde and they have red glowing eyes. And it's in the town of Takikawa on the Northern Island of Hokkaido. They've just purchased and installed two monster wolf robots. After bears were found roaming their neighborhoods in September. And city officials had said there'd be no bear encounters since, but there'd been a massive uptick and people suddenly shooting themselves in the street.

I mean, it's not the vaccine. This is the kind of genuine scientific breakthrough. All humanity can truly, can truly celebrate. Josh, I mean, it's like a scarecrow, but a robot and for bears, not crows. I mean, this is- Not crows, and it's a wolf, not a kind of fanciful man. Here's my question. Are they not afraid of the robot wolves turning against them?

This feels so inevitable if there was a movie where the first scene was robot wolves being installed by a town to stave off their bear population. The last scene would be a robot wolf paw poking up from the dirt. The end, question mark. That's, this seems so inevitable. How bad are the bears in this town? And this is the solution. How many pies are being stolen, piping hot,

off of window sales, that they've enlisted a robot wolf army against the bears. Just seeing some breaking news that Donald Trump is claiming that Republican voters were scared off from voting by Democrat-run wolf blitzer robots. So this is, you know, we might not hear the end of this. Strangely naked statue news now, and Britain has been torn apart once again by division. This time over a new statue of the pioneering late 18th century feminist Mary Wollstonecraft, a new statue unveiled in London this week, not of Mary Wilson Croft. It must be said, but four Mary Wilson Croft featured a what can only be described as extremely naked woman emerging from a sort of artistic creation of other women. And I mean, it's been very criticised,

Alice, the sculpture of the so-called Mother of Feminism, as inappropriate, philosophically incoherent, willfully odd, artistically pointless, bafflingly pubic, distractingly bougier, and just a bit shit. So I mean, how do you view this statue of this remarkable woman? Andy, as a leading Info-Enteron News voice, I'm here to tell you that I have no opinion on the statue. What? I think the statue is fine. I guess it to tell you that I have no opinion on the statue. I think the statue is fine. I guess it's a stat, if you don't like the statue, make your own statue.

I feel statue-based politics is much like statues themselves, which is to say briefly eye-catching and essentially a waste of your precious, precious attention real estate. I mean, sure, you can care about more than one thing at once. You can care about statues and building a place where women are given the same opportunities and support that any other human is given. But also, you know, for a fact that you only care about this statue because you saw someone else caring about it. I bet there's a hundred ugly statues you don't give a shit about, and if you love Mary Wolston Crafts so much, name one of her albums. And don't say her daughter Mary Wolston

Craft Shelly, because that doesn't count Mary Wastoncraft Shelley, or as we call her, Mary Wastoncraft's monster. LAUGHTER I mean, the same thing happened, Josh, when Michael Angelo unveiled David, of course. You know, Mickey Chisels was strongly criticised at the time. People said, well, I can't be just to appreciate David for his stone-slinging skills. Why do we have to see his nuts, Zach?

And, you know, this is... It never totally happens whenever any work of art is released people that will divide opinion. Well, of course they did have to adapt the original David, which instead of a penis had a tiny a David on the front. They turned that into a much less offensive penis shape. Yeah, that was confusing and upsetting to you. As I said, it's not a statue of Mary Walsoncroft herself. I think, however, it is a statue of a woman who has taken her clothes off before dressing as Mary Walsoncroft for a fancy dress party. I think that's mind-to-date.

You can definitely see and arise the thought of putting a Mary Walsoncroft outfit. So it's important when you're making statues for important figures in history who are under-covered by our traditional mainstream history teachings. If you want to bring these people to the forefront, what you want is an amorphous blob of feminine spirituality with a nude lady lunging her muck and at you. I feel like that's a very important statement to make, especially before you've made an actual statue of the actual Mary Wollstonecraft or red of indication of the rights of women. You both mentioned the pubes situation is unreasonable. It's like the pasta from Lady in the Tramp's first date. It's just a pile of pubes. That brings us to the end of this week's Bugal. We'll be back next week with the latest on Donald Trump's heroic overturning of the election result

by 160 million votes to zero. Josh, thanks very much for joining us and providing your your wit and insight on this. Have you ever got any other shows or podcasts to alert our listeners to? Yes, I have my podcast Make My Day. It's a comedy game show with one guest per episode so they're guaranteed to win. And we're doing a live stream show on December 3rd to benefit Fair Fight, Stacey Abrams' organization that is their mission is sinisterly allowing every democratic vote to be cast.

And every vote in general, obviously, it's to protect fair and free elections and voting rights. So we're doing a live stream version that day with Gary Golan and Emmy Blotnik and more guests to be added later. Alex. Nothing quite so charitable. I have a show on the 27th of November

at the Comedy Store in Sydney. You can buy tickets to that online or go via my Patreon. If you're not in Sydney, I'm gonna be running a live stream and again details on my patreon patreon.com slash. Alice Fraser, I'm trying to run a live stream because they wanted to make me do a two-dream minimum and I didn't want to do a two-dream minimum because I don't like that.

Oh. I feel it's a four-dream minimum. I heard you talking about live comedy shows in a single tier shed from the corner of my eye. Speaking of comedy that you are allowed to do, Josh Gondelman, also you, Andrew Sultzman, I have a podcast called The Last Post. It's a daily, satirical news podcast set.

In an alternate dimension, we signed up to do 366 days of this year and we are getting there, which is something that I did not expect at the beginning of this year. It's been a delight, so join us there. Thank you for listening, Bughlers. We will play you out with some lies about our premium level voluntary subscribers to join them and keep the Bughal free, independent, and flourishing, go to thebughalpodcast.com

and click the donate button. And you can also find our spectacular array of merchandise involving a few things. Donate week, good luck. And before I record this week's lies, I should point out that in between recording the show and recording the lies, Dominic Cummings has fully left Downing Street instantly. This is the problem with recording a show and not putting it out within half a second of saying the words these days, things change. Lies time now. Riccardo Hanson hopes that it transpires that the Louisiana Purchase in 1803 was rather than an outright purchase of land by the USA from France, a 220-year leasehold agreement. That would mean that in the year 2023, 800,000 square miles of America would revert to French ownership, explains Ricard. I'm not saying the French would do a better job, but I just think the looks

on people's faces would be absolutely priceless, on both sides, and the food would get better. Leith McIndewar wonders how long the Pilgrim fathers squabbled before deciding on their name and how many options they rejected before settling on Pilgrim fathers. It's okay as names go, says Leith, but it's not all that, but I can understand why they rejected the Boatey Strop-Squad, the Westwood Widows and the Holy Herd, but whatever, it's clear they did not consult the ladies, typical 17th century men. Simon Peacock thinks plate tectonics should be banned. I don't see what good they do, says Simon, they just cause earthquakes and very slowly

shuffle the continents around, but in a really uninteresting way, unless you've got a few hundred million years to spare, and I don't care if you think I'm oversimplifying things, I've just had enough. Catherine Millican goes further than that even, and expresses considerable disdain for the Andromeda Galaxy. People always go on about it, but what uses it to me, asks Catherine. It's miles away, the piddly bit of light that actually reaches us from there, is already two and a half million years out of date, and it contains a trillion stars. That's way too many stars in my book, so it's hard to take any of them seriously. Dago-Brian assumed that the French cold meat's term, Sharkuturi, referred specifically to

foodstuffs that a Shark would eat. He was corrected on this linguistic misapprehension by an attendant at an aquarium in Marseille, whilst throwing a packet of salami into a 5 million gallon tank full of fish, large, hungry, carnivorous, delighted fish. On which subject, Peter Fermoy wonders, given that some bigger, widely eaten fish are called mackerel, why we don't simplify things by referring to smaller fish like sardines and anchovies collectively as micro-all. He also thinks that pike fish on this naming system are definitely way too big. They should be plankton sized at most, says Peter.

And finally, Andrew Puppman thinks that the best way to cook cabbage is to shove the leaves in a toaster. The key, however, notes Andrew, is not to try a toasted boiled cabbage mash-up. That is a recipe for a very fractious bath time. Here endeth this week's lies. Goodbye.