The Bugle - Selling Barack Obama's seat

Episode Date: December 15, 2008

The 56th ever Bugle podcast, from 2008. Written and presented by Andy Zaltzman and John OliverThis is a classic episode from The Bugle, to support us, and to keep the Bugle alive and free of ads, please visit http://thebuglepodcast.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Hello Bugleers and welcome to issue 56 of the Bughal for the week beginning Monday, the 15th of December, 2008, with me Andy Zoltzmann here in London and in New York City. It's Mr. John Oliver. Hello, Andy. Hello, Bughlers. I might have to apologize for my voice a little bit. Today it's a mixture of exhaustion at the end of a busy year, bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a Yeah, yeah, well, I'm not saying anything seductive yet. I'm just sounding tired It was our office Christmas party last night. It was a robbery goes last day. No, it's probably the most Manly man I've ever met a person company very much included

What do you mean I benched 350? He don't even know what that mean good point Intribute I serenaded him on karaoke with the song Wind Up and Eat My Wings. And I think he was simultaneously both moved and provoked. He's like a lion who comes up to you and places his head on your shoulder, but knows that it retains the ability to kill you. So we haven't really had a bugle office party, do I have we?

Yeah, we've not had a bugle office party, John, but we're still trying to find a venue that is equidistant between London and New York that isn't in the sea. What's the situation regarding the new mini-toss-up? Well, Andy, because it was talk of this bugle with you being willing in a hospital car park. Yes, I could easily have been holding a pair of four steps and a tranquilizer gun, but no. I haven't, I know you often start these bugles, John, with stories of who you've met this week. Well, I tell you what, I haven't met this week.

My new son and or daughter. So there is no baby's ultimate yet. At least not that my wife has told me about. Well, I know she could have had it already and just been wandering around with a space off the stuff that I've jumped by just a spiked me. Whimmy, no.

Stop non-naindropping, Andy. I had my, Andy's old man in corporate in office party, which involved me and my wife going out for lunch, so it was pretty raucous. Yeah, did you get a bit of an elephant? It kicked off. Did you photocopy your nudges? Well, no, not this time, but I did have them painted.

I'm a more of a traditionalist in that regard. So let's go like an 18th century themed office party. So, I mean, what do you think we should do for the Buu will office party, John? It's hard to say, isn't it? I guess like a meal somewhere, followed by a kind of a two-man riot in the street. Right. No, why would you get into a physical fist fight? Sounded like an ordinary date, I mean. Oh, yeah, why?

You live hard, Andy, that's all. Here's what it's been said. Live hard, die hard. Well, at least, well, I do the latter part of that at my gigs. So, anyway, this is the bugle for the week beginning, the 15th of December, which means it is 500 years ago. This month, John, since Michael Antle, began to work on assisting chapel as covered in bugle 34 in the Mickey Paint Brush story. This week, ironically, John, exactly 500 years, since that moment, 500 years ago, a man called Dave began painting our spare room.

And Nick Quirky, how history repeats on itself. Does Dave have the same ambition? I don't think so, he's a solid workman, he's doing an excellent job within the rather restrictive parameters that we've set in. Have you saying just paint it all bone? Basically, yeah, I don't know, I don't know. I don't get the feeling he's bursting to be more creative, but outstanding performer Dave. But anyway, even more importantly than Mickey Paintbrush getting stuck into the system in 1508, on Saturday the 13th John, it was five years since Al Qaeda Chief Operations Officer Salamassain was captured in exile in Iraq.

And these six foot two inches, lamb and fundamentalist and part-time warlord, is still a waiting trial in Guantanamo Bay today. I'm confused. I'm very confused. Well, you know, it's a dramatic week for you Andy. Can I fill some slack with it? As always, some sections of the bugle go straight in the bin this week,

a fast food section, because the year 2008 on means just one thing to food lovers that it's 50 years since the invention of instant noodles and 25 years since McDonald's developed the chicken McNugget. To commemorate the former, here is an audio instant joke. Now, if you put your MP3 player or stereo in boiling water and stir it and play that joke again, I think you'll find it's a pretty witty quip about why I am like a large piece of furniture made out of a crocodile By which I mean I'm a snappy dresser. Oh, there you go. Oh, oh, you don't need to hear that if you've if you've doused you

Also, you know just put point of interest there. I do McDonald's do not invent the chicken nugget. It evolved. Also, you know, just put point of interest there, I do, McDonald's did not invent the chicken nugget. It evolved. Well, you say that, John. To mark the launch of the McNuggets here in this section in the bin, we will be looking back on the life and time to the man who inspired this culinary revulsion revolution. Franco Luigi Chickens McNugget. The Italian Scottish gangster who used

to threaten rival mobsters all the way from Palermo to John Agrotes by leaving breaded chicken testicles on their pillows. Also in the fast food section after allegations that produced chain toasty woof-woof has been serving whole newborn dax and puppies in its hyper-realistic superior range of hot dogs. We investigate what really goes into your snack? Is that lettuce in your burger or the severed wings of ferries' fetuses? It's lettuce, but the fact that I even had to ask that question means that the answer is irrelevant. They might as well call it the Tinkerbell burger. Also in the bin an audio skiing section in which John and I will be speaking specially loudly so you can hear it whilst plummeting downhill at 100km now towards a tree.

And we look at the role of snow in the history of skiing, would it be such a popular winter activity if snow did not exist? Plus, we look at which of the great composers from history would have made good ski jumpers, the following would have been good, Mendelssohn, Rimski Korsakov, Schubert and Purcell, and the worst would have been Beethoven. Because he was deaf, he couldn't have heard the ground approaching. Top story this week and world-class corruption and the incredible story of corruption came out of Illinois this week and this is even impressed by Illinois standards. The state made it possible for Al Capone to live out the Italian-American dream. This story concerns

Rod Blagoivic, the Democratic governor of Illinois, estate so riddled with corruption that the FBI agent in charge of the investigation said during the press conference, if it isn't the most corrupt state in the US, it's certainly one hell of a competitor. You may well say, oh no, it's not that impressive then, he's governor of Illinois, of course, he's corrupt. I would just say, think of the number of corrupt people, he must have beaten to be clung up. This guy is the best of the best, or indeed the worst of the worst, depending on how

you look at it. Andy, I don't say this lightly, this is corruption on a burloscony and stuff. Wow, big worst John, big worst. I don't band that around, let's remember that Silvio remains the standard by which other political crux will be judged. He's the high watermark for weasels. I'm going to go even further, Andy. But, go, Ivich, is the placicoparesse of politics.

And I can't think of higher praise than that. Well, it's a letter that he tried to sell Obama's old senate seat. And I want to ask, John, is there anything really wrong with it? I mean, do we want capitalism or not? I mean, it's sure it's all or nothing. Blagojevic is merely trying to stop communism sneaking back in whilst capitalism is going through its little spell.

Well, is there anything wrong with it? I mean, I guess it means legally or morally, towards both of those, the answer is yes. Well, you say that, John guess it means legally or morally, towards both of those, the answer is yes. Well, you say that, John, but in the transcripts, Lagoyavitch, I said that the seat was, quote, a valuable thing. You don't just give it away for nothing. And I think it's good to see someone pricing democracy so highly. That's right, but come on, Andy, you know, that could mean anything. You could take anything

entirely in context and make it look badly. But the White House also picked up Blagoa, which apparently being annoyed at a bomb as a assumption that this transition of power might be able to not involve the exchange of money and favors. And he said of him, give this motherf***er his senator, for nothing, f*** him, out, and he,

I'm guessing a pardon is out of the question now. Besides, that's President Mother f**king getting in. Show some respect. If that phrase rings a bell, Andy, that may be because, give this m*****er the presidency f**king him was one of Hillary Clinton's most popular campaign bumper stickers. I guess though, it was inevitable though, this is Barack Obama's old Senate seat.

And, you know, ever since the election, the market for Obama memorabilia is skyrocketing so you know it's understandable he thinks he can make a tidy profit when everything they even a little pencil that he used to write his first speech as a six year old Obama to a classroom full of inspired classmates yes old MacDonald had a farm and we must strive to ensure that he is able to keep that farm as long as he wants to and we must give old MacDonald the help and advice to make his farmer more secure and profitable business. Perhaps Old MacDonald himself would like to reassess the counterproductive diversity of his livestock and poultry portfolio.

But anyway, with individuals like Old MacDonald and the greater public of America working together for our common good unified by belief in freedom and sound agriculture or principles, children, we can create a nursery rhyme we can believe in. With a mo mo here. Blagoa Vichert has faced allegations of misconduct and ethical violations. Almost since the first day he was elected after campaigning on a promise to what else clean up government in Illinois. To be fair to say, you have to say that.

And also to be fair to him, he did wink whenever he said that. And had mentioned that he was running an ironic campaign, but I think voters just failed to pick up on his signals. Well, that's like, you know, the start of a court case. Everyone always says the whole truth, nothing but the truth. And we all know no one means it. Among the many, many charges being laid against him are conspiracy to commit

fraud and solicitation to commit bribery which include him trying to shake down a children's hospital for campaign contributions. He threatened to cut off funding to a children's hospital, not even a normal hospital, a hospital for children. Anyone can shake down a hospital landy, I've done it myself, I'm sure you have too. But a children's hospital, that requires an almost inhuman lack of conscience. When you have a conscience that small, you're basically a cat.

But the allegation that really got him into trouble was, as you mentioned, that he was essentially trying to sell the Senate seat, which has now been vacated by a farmer to the highest bidder. And how do you even make money from something like that? And he's an open Senate seat, not a Mercedes. You can't just place it on a garage fork or by a barber to the highest bidder. How do you even make money from something like that? He's an open-setting seat, not a Mercedes. You can't just place it on a garage fork or something

and say, this is an absolutely beautiful Cennet-C. Real steel, this one. Only generally used by a politician with natural ambitions who used it when he was on a campaign trail. What can I do to put you in this Cennet-C today? Just sit in it. Tilly, try it out, see how it feels. Oh, you look terrific. It's ergonomic.

This is a course, John, only one side of the story that you're giving here. And if I may, just give the other side of the story. From Blagova, which is own website, which surprisingly, and in contrast to, for example, the US and world media, and in contrast to, for example, the US and world media and also the rest of the internet, is not actually leading with the news of his arrest and the charges he faces. In fact, the two top items on his website, two hours ago, before I came

in recording, Governor Blagojevich meets with laid off workers protesting at Republic Windows and Dores. He says he's showing solidarity and stressing the importance of protecting workers rights and also Governor launches annual Keep Kids Warmen Safe campaign. So let's focus on the positives John. Just not healthy. Well yeah I mean you know why must we always focus on the bad things like allegedly trying to profit from illegally selling a sanity and not on all the children who's kept warm and safe. What a cynical world we live in. OK, well let's do that. Let's talk about the more positive sides to this man, one, he

has the most incredible hair. I mean, it looks bulletproof. If you fight a gun at it, you wouldn't even bend a follicle. It's so magnificent. It's dangerous. It's the kind of hair which people follow. It's a hit not a hairdo. If you gaze into it you can see your own soul. I'm not exaggerating Andy, he can probably use that hair as currency in jail. But as always, sport has in fact led the way in satirising the situation. According to us the associated press at John, Mono League ice hockey stars the Las Vegas Wranglers are going to wear black and white striped prison style uniforms At one of their forthcoming games will also feature on their their shirts spoof prison issue numbers on their jerseys with the letters ILLGOV at in Illinois Governor before the players regular number

They're also going to auction a top of the range seat at one of their games to the highest bidder. Take that, Blagojevich. Lampoon's by an ice hockey team. And not just any ice hockey team, John. An ice hockey team from Las Vegas. An ice hockey team in a desert. A team that has lampooned nature itself simply by existing. I think we should take them on and the, if the Bugles ice hockey team. Yeah. Bugles favor ice hockey team. Wr. The Bugle's a favourite ice hockey team. Wrangler still I die. What's even more incredible, Andy, is that the day before this story broke, the previous day, Blokoye, which was asked about the rumor that he was being bugged and was about to be charged,

and he said this, I should say, if anybody wants to take my conversations, go right ahead, feel free to do it. I appreciate anybody who wants to take me conversations, go right ahead, feel free to do it. I appreciate anybody who wants to take me openly and notoriously, and those who feel like they want to sneakily aware of taping devices, I would remind them that it kind of smells like Nixon and Watergate, but I don't care whether you take me privately or publicly, I can tell you that whatever I say is always lawful, and the things I'm interested in are always lawful. Andy, he's mad. He's out of his mind, or he

has no short-term memory whatsoever. He's essentially a goldfish, or, or perhaps he just forgot to say, you can absolutely take me starting now. From now, nothing illegal, from now. I can only hope you weren't taping over the last couple of weeks, because, well, never mind, the point is from now, we're all agreed. British News now and Northern Irish artist Michael Stone is facing 16 years in jail after an ambitious piece of performance art was drastically misinterpreted by the judicial system as an ambitious piece of attempted murder. Stone, whose previous portfolio of works includes Loyalist Killing's numbers 1, 2 and 3 and Paramilitary and Autobiographical Self-Installation piece involving 20 years of violence and terror, was convicted for his controversial

November 2006 work Storming Stormont, in which he attempted to burst into the Parliament buildings in Stormont, carrying a gun, a knife and a bomb with the intention of artistically bumping off Sinn Fein leaders, Jerry Adams and Martin McGuinness. Well, John, I just think it's a sad day when society prizes arts so little that an innovator like Stone is hauled up in front of the beaks. I mean, this is censorship of the worst kind. Well, this surely is well, Andy, one of the great terrorist defenses. We're essentially trying to kill two people and then say, I was supposed to be performance art. It is frankly disappointing that we're not seeing anything that imaginative down in Guantanamo.

It just goes to show what we had with the Irish troubles, Andy. Johnny, where you were right, you really don't know what you've got till it's gone. The judge said that Stone's stones defense that his actions were a comic parody was, quotes, hopelessly unconvincing and self-contradictory. One star of you, John. Of all the things you can say about Markle Stone, what you can't say is that he isn't entertaining in court, because he has really brought something to the table there again. You know, he's seen, there's a big credit crunch and he's thought, he's like, Placicle, how can I entertain?

What can I terrorist Michael Stone do? This has to go down as one of the greatest uses in criminal history, along with Jack the Ripper when he said it was for a school science project. What are you saying? I was supposed to dissect a gerbil. Oh, my mistake. Lee Harvey Oswald's, ah, just saw a wasp on the president's neck and I was trying to shoot it off in case it's stung him. And OJ Simpson's, I'm OJ, you know, the ex football star. Is there been a few films?

Yeah, geez. Great. OJ impression, Andy. Thanks, mate. I've been working on it. You're just nailed in there. I've spent a whole week in an American football helmet just to try and get in the pot. Well, you could tell, and that was time well spent. And British Barack Obama news now, and the Supreme Court in the US, throughout an appeal that Barack Obama is in fact too British to become president of the united states now there's good and bad news there the good news is that that means that he's just British enough but the bad news is that they insist that he's not actually British at all and at this case stems from the fact that Obama's father was born in Kenya at a point when it was under British rule, happy days, I mean. Oh, such happy days.

For the bridge, not so much for the Kenyans. Therefore, his father had a British passport and the appeal claims that this meant that Obama was born a British citizen. That means he's R's Andy. This means we either take him and he becomes Prime Minister of Britain or it means that we now control America again.

Ah, bingo. What did the Bayankees make your choice? According to British law at the time, which is an odd way to decide these things. He is British, he is British. No matter where he was born, the fact that he had British owned father essentially, means that he belongs to the Queen.

The question I need to ask, John though, is how can anyone be too British to be president? I mean, surely America, she wants someone who is as British as possible. Those are all the qualities you want in a president. You want someone with a great British virtue like talking English, wearing clothes, and using napkins. And that is what you need in a president.

They should be disqualified from people not being British enough. The claim about a bum was brought by a man called Leo D'Onofrio, who is both a lawyer and a professional gambler. He was essentially a constitutional fundamentalist. He also wanted to McCain to be disqualified because he was not technically born on American soil. He was born in Panama whilst his father was doing something hugely un-American, I believe,

serving in the American armed forces. And technically according to the constitution, Dinoffre is that neither Obama, nor McCain was therefore eligible. He got to be born on US soil. He means actual soil. You've got to plop out into a bit of proper stars and stripes in boss mud and be caked in American earth

for the first hour of your life to be eligible to be president. Preferably in the exact geographical center of mainland USA. It's very old term, this natural born citizen, John. I don't know, do you consider yourself a natural born Brit? I mean, I don't really know what that means. No. But it's a very old and natural born system. I remember when Matilda was born, uh, John almost two years ago. Now, roughly what happened was, um, Miranda was kind of going,

whee, whee, whee, whee, whee, whee, whee, whee. And all of a sudden, that is a rough interpretation. Ha, ha, ha. So, yeah. So, is it all there? The whaling and, I'll put that one on there with your, with your OJ impression, Andy. Yeah. It's too, too, very idiosyncratic impressions while I do OJ or childbirth, with what you want to hear. So it was, yeah, basically, wait, wait, could you do OJ giving birth, Andy? Could you do that now? Go on, do that, OJ giving birth to a child.

I'm OJ Simpson, you know, oh. So anyway, so what, what was happened? If we get back to the natural born citizen joke, was it where, where? Congratulations, Mr. and Mrs. Ultraman. You've got a beautiful baby citizen. Oh, thank God I said to Miranda. I really wanted a natural born citizen to save money on expensive surgery later.

But this guy is clearly an absolute nutter, John. He said, this is from his original application to the courts. Senator John McCain is an American patriot who has valiantly suffered more for his country than most of us ever will. He has shown bravery beyond that which the country has any right to ask. And it is with very deep and sincere regret that I respectfully requested this honorable

court order the secretaries of the several states to remove McCain's name from the ballots. Very deep. If you could do anything else, you know, I'd let him stay on. He said the tide. I'm mad, you see. They're tides by madness. They're tied by the constitution, Tom. He continues in his blog. I couldn't have shown the candidates any more respect, but both of them should have known that if either were to become president, despite the loyalty they have for this country,

now this is where it gets interesting. The dam would be broken, and the waters of foreign influence would be forever capable of drowning our national sovereignty and placing our military in the hands of enemies from within. Now, this, John, is where he crossed the line from constitutional pettent to institutionable penis. Did he write this down, Andy, or did he shout this at traffic? I don't know, but if he shouted at a traffic, someone wrote it down and put it up on his

website as a block. The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The The in how stable it is. Things have got so bad up there that there are rumours that some households in downtown Toronto have even been locking their front doors at night. Canada. Canada. Canada, truly, is on the brink. And the gangs of people waving hockey sticks are marauding through the streets. The only thing preventing complete societal breakdown is the fact that it's so cold there that you stay outside for longer than 20 minutes here freeze to death. Prime Minister Stephen Harper, who was real-rated just two months ago, was facing a vote of no confidence he was almost certain to lose. So he asked the governor general who represents the Queen of England, the Queen, the biggest cue there is, to suspend Parliament until the 26th of January.

Who knew Andy? The Queen was still so involved? She runs that joint. Well, I was your question. Who knew that Britain was still so involved? And I would imagine that the Queen didn't even know that. Can I? What? What are you asking me for?

It does seem disappointing that a supposedly independent country would go running to mommy the second that things start getting tough. They're not one of those creepy 11 year old kids who still breastfeed. And in other British news the display of tobacco in shops is to be banned in England and Wales under government plans. There have been a lot of complaints John that this is another example of the nanny state but it would be quite a bad and inconsistent nanny John that let wouldn't let your children see cigarette packets, but would thrust in their little faces cheap whiskey, processed

cheese, pornography and birthday cards. P.R.A.R.A., it's kind of the kind of low level hide-and-seek that you play with two-year-olds, and that's basically how the government treats its subjects. And maybe this will help. Will it work, John? Well, smoke has so far have not been put off smoking by, for example, the prospect of years of ill health, followed by a slow and agonizing death. So having to ask for cigarettes without being able to point

at the exact packet they want is not going to prove to be an insurmountable obstacle. The government's plan further measures to disweight people from smoking, including smearing all cigarettes in the mucus of emphysema sufferers. Legally a bludging shopkeepers to punch customers in the face whenever they buy cigarettes, keeping all cigarettes in a pit of poison of snakes, having cracked teams of police liaison officers with loud hairless to try to talk smokers who look like they're about to buy cigarettes out of doing it, and also fitting shops from the alarm which when a customer asks for cigarettes, plays a siren and the words, peterfile alert.

Because John, anything that adds to the difficulty and stigma of buy cigarettes, has to be good for this nation. That's what the government thinks. Who am I to argue with it? They should have the balls to go through with it to its logical conclusion. Your emails now and well, thank you very much for all your suggestions for what I should call my child. Some outstanding suggestions. I have to say this came from Catherine Blackley in Ithaca, New York. And he should look to the periodic table of elements when naming

his son or daughter. There are a lot of great options for boys. My favorite is a strontium, calcium and xenon. He's got a nice. A goat could be chlorine. Not sure about that. No, she good. Or oxygen. Matt Kendrick from Arizona said, and his baby should be named Guijon Paul, Gilbert, Amory, Eve Napoleon, Boll Zoltman, because as established in the very first fact of the bugle, Andy is a flaming Frenchie. You are a flaming Frenchie, Andy. To run up there with the greatest flaming Frenchie, Joan of Arc. There's one here from Nick Filardi, who he suggests King Arthur Zoltman. When you see this on a resume, you can't help but think he led the night of the round table. He can sure as shit manage my grocery store. Optimus Prime's ultimate, a good alternative to kick off for a girl, Optimus Prime's

ultimate would be good. Or Hellaz ultimate, when people see him they'll think, wow, that's one Hellaz ultimate. This one comes from David Pa, right, Sir Andy and Duke Oliver. Well, I think you've been over-provoking. Anyway, he writes, how about Plaxico? I'm already liking this. Hard Thwick, Obama, Norbert Zoltzmann. His initials would therefore be Phons. The same as the world's greatest Jewish superhero

Phons from TV's Happy Days. Plaxico was suggested by a couple of people, that's it. I mean, it's going to be hard to turn that down, Plaxico. Yeah. Well, it's the right thing to do. Yeah. Graham Anthony Trudeau writes, Andy's baby should be called Pachinko

and go to them to say, ultimately, I need the name for my hedgehog. So I will likely name it after, and these babies, one of the suggested names. Your baby might already have some influence in the world. There's a hedgehog somewhere just waiting for him or her to be born. Well, that's interesting because we wrote a list of names,

as you do. Yeah. And on that list of boys' names was Spike, which would be quite a good name for a hedgehog names as you do. And on that list of boys names was Spike, which would be quite a good name for a hedgehog. Excellent. He signed off Andy by saying, he is hoping your newborn doesn't pee in your face. Thank you, Matt.

That's a lovely thing to say. I love having to say thank you to Matt. Oh, thank you very much. It's good to know that I have the support of all buglers around the world for not getting urine in my face. I have to say Matt, although I respect your right to say that, I disagree. I hope Andy's newborn does pee in his face because it's classic slapstick.

What? What? How can white movies have you been watching, John? I'm not sure that was supposed to be slapstick. Tom Mulderig says, hello Andy, but not John. In this context, I understand that. And I accept that he said, I would like to friendly suggest to you Andy,

that the name for your incoming offspring should be Zem... Zemst for Zoltzman. After the short-lived form of local government implemented in Saurist Russia from 1863 to 1917. Yeah, that's good. That's good. There you go.

And you got the eliteration, as he goes on to say, good eliteration for that. Zemt's Vogue Zoltzman. Yep. Well, that's kind of appropriate because it was, of course, the threat of Russia that in many of ways, partially prompted my Lithuanian grandfather to upstitch and leave to South Africa in the 1920s, I think. Actually, he makes, you Actually, he makes some very strong arguments for this. I first off with Zem Strow's ultimate, you've got the alliteration in there

without having to name your child something ridiculous like Zebra, so that's good. That's good. And it's going on to say, here's a final thought. Have you ever heard of a tyrant or evil dictated that was called Zem Strow? I suppose you could argue that means we're due for one, but I prefer to go by the statistics.

Good point Tom. He says, name your child Zemstro Zoltzman and no one gets at us. That's an unusual form of threat. Hard to argue with that. And this one comes from Stephanie Cohan, who writes, I've concluded the best name for your child is Waltzing. Not only is it gender neutral, but Waltzing's ultimate is a fine rhyme scheme. But most of all, you have the added bonus of dedicating both of your children's names

to the unofficial Australian national anthem. Should the two ever visit the landowner together. The fame of Waltzing and Matilda's ultimate is assured. What names could better commemorate a hobo nicking a sheep and drowning himself to a vade capture. Yourth Bugley, Stephanie Cohohan and Upstate New York. PS and John, I don't know how to tell you this, but it's your website. It's passed on. Did you know this?

The room was really tied to neglect. Oh, no. This Bugle has had a memorial service and remember the site, not that it is, but as it used to be. Oh, rest in peace. In walls and zeros. You love that website, didn't you? I did, I raised it like it was my own, which it was. That boat badly, if you ever have children. You can get someone else to do a bit of work on it, unless a week old. And then forget about it until it's dead.

It's just old fashioned parenting. I'm good enough with the Victorians, it should be good enough now. Exactly! So thanks for your suggestions for what to call my child. As said last week though, I'm the winner of this competition. My wife and I are the winners of this competition. Steadily undead, steady, bad instinct there. And we will reveal the winning name. That's right, we.

Even next week or in a subsequent bugle. So thanks very much for all your emails. Do keep them cascading in to the bugle at timesonline.co.uk. We hope to start having time to tell the Hotties from history around that we've been promising for about the last four weeks. So we'll do it next week. No, if I'm here. We'll do it before the year is out. Yeah, which year we don't know.

A quick sports section now and, well, history is beckoning once again. Careful. It happened this time last year with the Miami Dolphins. Yeah, we got excited though and they let us down Andy. They were about to go through the whole season without registering a win. Immortality was within their incompetent grasp and they fumbled it in a typical Miami Dolphins way and this this year I don't even want to mention the name of the team that could do it John. There is 18. There is 18 that are looking at zero wins in a season and they are from a state which really cannot catch a break at the moment. The football team

really are the bell weather for how that state is doing this year. I'll simply say good luck to the Lions and once I good luck. You've said it now, John. I just think there's no point winning one game. You deserve to have that record. Also in sports, the BBC Sports Personality of the Year will have happened on Saturday, tomorrow as we record. And surely, John, Plexico Borreste must have it so not like a successful app and decked on me, patient.

It's a fix. It's a fix if he hasn't got it. I mean, I know he's not qualified because he's not a British sports player, but even so. He transcends national boundaries, Andy. What he did was for all of us, or just for America. Yeah, people have won all kinds of Olympics, but not many people have shot themselves in the leg for the greater good of humanity.

That's right. It's Plexico's Deloose. I'm telling you, there'll be riots in the street if he doesn't win that. Well, there's been quite a lot of debates, John, about who deserves to win here. We've got Louis Hamilton, obviously Formula One champion, very sir. Why not, John? Plexico, Andy, I'm sorry, I insist it has to be here. Well, I think he deserves it. I think you're meering a minority of two in hoping that Blackscoe Burress walks off with the six thoughts person as if the year. But but people have been complaining about Hamilton or the only one because he got such a good car. But then he could say Chris Holy only one, the three Olympic cycling girls because he's got a bicycle. Yeah, Michael Johnson have been the 400 meter on he was without his special legs. That's

right. What Andy Murray being so successful without being Scottish and therefore fired by the injustices of history, Anton. Freedom! Football! Fuck you! And finally the Bugle forecast. Well it's the same forecast as last week. By this time next week.

Well I haven't child. Yeah, I think so. I think it's coming this week. Yes, this week. I think it's coming. And I think I actually think it'll be before Friday. I think it'll be back next Friday. Back next Friday.

Baby at win hand. With a baby. Come hell or high water. Somehow I will get an up. If it's mine or someone else's, I will be in the studio with a baby next Friday. Bye. In fact, if she's in the labor,

if she goes into labor next Friday, this studio is kicking out with a delivery suite. I could just shout over the noise. That could be the greatest podcast in history and the loudest. Hello, Bughlers. Ring-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding- Bunch.