The Bugle - Swearing at the Queen

Episode Date: March 17, 2008

The 21st ever Bugle podcast, from 2008. Written and presented by Andy Zaltzman and John OliverThis is a classic episode from The Bugle, to support us, and to keep the Bugle alive and free of ads, please visit http://thebuglepodcast.com/ Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Dancelaguard fans, you will be thrilled to know a book is coming out if you fund it via Unbound. We are publishing the Dancelaguard Reader by Alice Fraser and Dancelaguard, a glorious insight into the world of Dancelaguard, self-published romance maven, and online bestseller. If you would like to find out how to support it, go to thebugelpodcast.com. If we get enough support, we will publish the book. That's a real thing that's going to happen. Thebugelpodcast.com to support the Danciler Guard Reader. A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A- Audio newspaper for a visual world. Hello, Bughlers! Welcome to issue 21 of the Bughal, the world's only audio newspaper as far as we're concerned. For the week beginning Monday, the 17th of March, 2008. With me and his ultimate in London and in New York City USA, John Oliver. Good morning afternoon or evening, Bughlers delete as appropriate.

I'm back. I've cheated death. I shook hands with the devil. Now I'm stronger than ever. I can never be defeated. I think this means I'm technically immortal now. Apologies go out. If any of you had problems getting last week's Bughal, apparently we had server problems. Now there is a reason

for this and that is that the British and American governments fear the bugle and the power of its satirical comedy and not only have they been trying to stop the bugle being broadcast via iTunes, but they also kidnapped me last week, chained me to radiator and stole all of my jokes. But we are back. As always, some sections of the bugle go straight in the bin. This week, a home electronics section, including why buy a dog when a plasma stream television gives you so much more in return. Does the internet chat room in the end of the traditional stand-up argument? And does the camera spell the end of traditional painting?

And also, in a special history pull out in the bin, if Henry VIII had been alive today, would he have been dead by now? Top story this week and be proud to be British. Go on, try harder. Even if you're not, at least try it, you might like it. Prime Minister Gordon Brown suggested this week a new holiday celebrating Britishness and on top of that encouraging school children to swear allegiance to the country every morning to combat a perceived slide in national pride.

There is no national pride in Britain anymore Andy. But for good reason we've lost everything. We are the shell-shocked man walking away from the casino at five in the morning rehearsing what he's gonna tell his wife. We collectively have lost our shirt. There's nothing left. I'm sure this pledge of allegiance will achieve that far more effectively than such outdated and unproven methods as an adequate all-round education and specifically the proper teaching of history. Lord Goldsmith, the former attorney general who was in charge of this report, said, yeah, I reckon what this country's errant youth needs is some half-fast bullshit like this.

That will get them on the straight and narrow. So well done, everyone involved. Lord Goldsmith said he favoured swearing allegiance to the Queen every morning but would also accept maybe a pledge to Britain in general. Now there's no way people are going to do that but there may be a compromise here and that is swearing at the Queen every morning. You really might get school children interested in that, turning every morning to face a portrait of the Queen on the wall and unleashing a volley of swearing. We'd be good at it, it would be fun, it would engender a sense of community, and it would be an energetic piece of punctuation to start the day.

Besides, it's also basically taking the Magna Carta to its natural conclusion. Turtivace the Queen, you f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f You f*****! Lord Goldsmith Report emphasized the need to strengthen British culture identity, and this comes at a time when British culture identity is under threat as never before from such factors as aggressive alcohol promotion. There will be a ceremony in which all British teenagers will have to put on the football shirts of their respective country, sing abusive songs about World War II, and urinate into fountains, thus communuting with generations of British hooligans before them. Head teachers have led criticism of this old idea, lately in the proposals half-baked, and there's some echo of national pride right there, because that is the last bastion of

Britishness, sneering at things. That will be the last thing to go. The day that we can't scoff at other nations, we've arranged at France, we'll put a pillow over our face and hold it there until the twitching stops. If their wrists are strong enough, that is. It's like the fact that we mock Americans for whooping and cheering at things. We now ridicule the very concept of enthusiasm. That is how cynical we've become as a nation. We find positivity laughable. Yeah, in fact, the Shadow Justice Secretary Nick Herbert described these silly suggestions as profoundly un-British. Perfect.

This is as far as we're prepared to go, John. A bit of bunting once a year. That's it. That's as British as we're going to allow ourselves to be. He's absolutely right, though. National pride is un-British. The only time we can collectively justify facing a flag and listen to the National Anthem is when we've just won an Olympic bronze medal in the women's two-person dinghy. It's difficult to know what the government intends in the celebration of Britishness,

because part of what it means to be British is not being sure of what it means to be British. That goes back centuries, and I think the immigrants who are going to be made to make these pledges might see the irony in pledging allegiance to a nation that was largely responsible for destabilising the place they've just run away from. I'm sure they will pledge that allegiance with a rye grin on their face. It doesn't help either, that we have a terrible national anthem. God save the Queen is an uninspiring musical dirge. It is virtually made to be sung sarcastically.

If they really want us to be proud British citizens as they claim they do, they're gonna have to sit the Queen down and politely tell her that her song isn't gonna be default number one anymore. And I have a suggestion, Andy. Yackecy Sachs, the Benny Hill music, Andy. That way we wouldn't have to sing it, we just have to run around at top speed for a minute or so chasing a woman in a bikini. It would help both national pride and national fitness. Come up with a better idea. I think John were that to be implemented, particularly in major sporting events. Spritting would be basically undefeatable merely by distracting its opposition by doing a Benny Hill to hunt before kickoff. It's kind of like the British

hacker in many ways. I think God saved the Queen as a song is responsible for the laissez-faire attitude that has made this nation so complacent, particularly about the queen and her needs to be saved. We now just let the queen indulge her lifelong hobby of extreme sports and also jumping her 1953 BSA golden-flash motorcycle over a pile of chambermaids. There have been hints that the National Anthem will be updated. It is, as John said, Britain's greatest embarrassment, particularly the unknown verses that no one really knows about, which include verses about killing Scottish people, which for the British national anthem is slightly touchy subject, also verses about what you should do if you find an injured bird in your garden, how to kill a bear with a standard

kitchen fork, and what to do if you think your wife is having an affair with Napoleon. These are all a bit outdated now, but that's, you know, always say it's the first first by which someone has just killed over and died of boredom. You say it's outdated, Andy, but let me tell you this, you take out that verse next week, you're tempting fate Napoleon will be banging your wife. And other things a bit of a problem, those, as I said, what it means to be British, because I think to English people, what Britishist means is being English. And so the Welsh, the Scots, and think to English people what British means is being English and to the Welsh, the Scots and the Northern Irish what British means is being English. So no one really fully understands what it means.

It's being English. Right. So we're all English. We're all English. Oh that's really. That's really from the well Scottish producer Tom. He's flicking me a big V sign as always. Yeah, the good English V.

Yeah, well to wield it. What are you doing, Scottish gesture? Yeah. All right, he's giving me the Glasgow kiss. Er, in fact, we're so proud of our nation that the 300th anniversary of the Act of Union, which basically formed the United Kingdom as it is today, was celebrated with a stamp and a small exhibition. That is how proud we are of our nation. There are also plans afoot to change the treason laws in Britain. To what is not yet entirely clear but if they had half a ball they'd

change it back to how it used to be when it was written in Norman, French and essentially said you can't kill, conspire against, or wage war against the king and his family. You also can't have sex with his wife, heirs wife, or his unmarried eldest daughter. That's right, you couldn't bang the king's wife. The king put that into law, which makes me think that he was a bit worried about someone banging his wife. Because that is an other reaction. Surely there's no greater act of patriotism than to show the king how much you admire his choice of wife by banging that wife. The penalty for this and he was classic old British justice and it was, and I quote, to be drawn on a hurdle to the place of execution and there be hanged by the neck, but not until

they are dead, but that they should be taken down again, and that when they are yet alive, their bowels should be taken out and burnt before their faces, and that afterwards their head should be severed from their bodies, and their bodies be divided into four quarters, and their heads and quarters be at the King's disposal. And it took until 1998, and the Crime and Disorder Act to get the punishment further downgraded to life imprisonment 1998. Thank goodness I didn't try to bang Prince Philip. I wasn't aware that that deterrent was in place and now that I know that it definitely

isn't, I'm probably going to bang Prince Philip. So does that mean also, given that you're not allowed to sexually consult with the wife of the heir to the throne, that anyone who consulted so with the late Princess Diana should have been hung drawn on quarters, by which I mean... They could all have been hung drawn on courted. That's quite a list. Was that your name bleeped out in there? I'll f**king sue you, John. //

Former New York Governor Elliot Spitzer has resigned after being linked to a prostitution ring. This was a spectacular fall from grace. In fact, it was a plummet from grace straight towards an open lion's mouth. While tugging on the release string of his backup parachute, the now-discraced ex-governor of New York was at one point known as the sheriff of Wall Street for his pursuing of dirty dealing in finance. Now he's to be permanently known as that guy who spent $80,000 on horse. Just goes to show how quick nicknames can change, Envy.

It's interesting though that whenever this story was reported, it always described these prostitutes as high class prostitutes in some cases even world class prostitutes. But I think that's quite reassuring. At least the guy was playing top dollar. And I think if he's prepared to make sure his Wang gets the best available service, then he's probably going to do the same for the state that he's supposed to be governing. If Elliot Spitzer can't do his job without spending $5,000 an hour to boost his ego, that's not his fault. That's the fault of the people who elected him without first taking the time to ask him

whether he needed the assistance of Top End Cauter's Anster function. Andy, the greatest country in the world should have the greatest legislators in the world who should be banging the greatest prostitutes in the world. If you want to have a political saw that relies so heavily on moral grandstanding, then at least is having a decency to research what it's like to be a moral. There is nothing more hypocritical than a squeaky clean politician standing up on a special plinth and giving an eye-watering speech about how important upstanding moral values are without having the decency encouraged to consult with hookers, deal class A drugs

or take brides from the mob, that is the very least they could do. Otherwise, there'd be no better than the Pope telling us not to play snooker. Good point. And in an out, in an out almost unsurprising twist, he had also campaigned for much harder penalties for men who use prostitutes.

And like you said, does this not make him a great law man though Andy? He managed to set legal traps that would in snare men like himself. Men who had themselves designed these legal traps and then got caught in them. Men like himself who had set traps so well that even designers of those legal traps, like men like himself, could not wriggle free. So well designed were those laws. He must be so proud and ashamed of himself.

This story is both the reason he was and now isn't governor. It's incredible how often these powerful men turn out to deeply desire that which they rail against the hardest. We had it here recently with Larry Craig who repeatedly supported homophobic legislation before the whole knock knock who's there, Larry who Larry Craig and I please touch you penis I was there for Barford For the he's not alone John. He's not alone. No, Chomsky the arch enemy of the American right actually goes to bed every night Cuddling a little woolly Donald Rumsfeld that is granted knitted for him and Shamy Chakrabati the head of the human rights group Liberty keeps

750 slaves change to a giant radiator and her garden shed and makes them write out to her speeches in illuminated text. It's clearly true, whenever someone is railing hard it's to gain something, you can bet they're either doing it or about to. All I'm saying is, don't be surprised, if one day George Bush straps a bomb vest to himself and heads for an Afghan marketplace.

And in other resignation news, Admiral William Fallon, the command of the US Middle East forces, has quit. He's recently made controversial statements suggesting that invading Iran would be silly and that the US has taken its eye off the ball in Afghanistan, or repeat these are allegedly controversial statements rather than balled statements of fact. He's made the naive, unpatrotic mistake of suggesting that diplomacy might be preferable to conflict in Iran, to which a Pentagon insider responded, he might as well have put some stars and stripes under pants on and set fire to himself.

He was known to have been heavily against the bombing of Iran due to the lack of credible evidence, to which the president reportedly said, that's a lovely thought little girl. Why don't you paint me a picture of it and stick it to my fridge? So who do you think is in line to succeed, Fallon John, as head of the US troops in the Middle East? The concept of chaos. Right. It's going to be given an official admiral ship. Admiral Chaos. It's going to be gold. I heard a rumor that Joe Torres was in line for the job, the former New York Yankee Supremo.

He's reported to be bored of the major leagues and wanted to say if his trademark hand dog Jell's can bring priest to the Holy Land. And also an outsider who's Brian Ashton, the Underfire England rugby coach. He's rumoured to have accepted that he really doesn't know what he's doing on the rugby field anymore. And as keen to see if he can get the Middle East to do some instinctive unrehearse peace-dealing under pressure. Well good luck with that Ashton, if you're going to try that, at least pick the right type of negotiators. There's no use asking them to negotiate off the cuff and then getting Jamie Noon to hammer out the details of a ceasefire. That's one for our American listeners. Other news now and the Middle East. Bush announced this week that he is sending Vice President Dick Cheney over to the Middle East next week. Wow, it just got

worse for those poor, poor bastards. Bush said his goal is to reassure people the US is committed to a vision of peace in the Middle East, and their goal is not to shudder every time he speaks. It seems a slightly curious tactic of bringing peace to the Middle East to send Dick Cheney there, of course renowned for his involvement in wars in the Middle East. I guess maybe what he's trying to do is create a kind of atmosphere of humour bordering on hilarity that laughter is of course the best medicine and if the entire Middle East is pissing itself that Dick Cheney has been sent to bring peace and maybe they'll all learn to get along. It's not clear if Cheney will go to Iraq on the tour, but it will be a shame not to,

as it is the fifth anniversary of the invasion of Iraq this week. Happy birthday, war! Hope you have a wonderful day, here's to many, many more years ahead. Blow out the candles and make a wish. You wish for civil war, didn't you? Oh, don't tell me or it won't come true. Happy birthday. I think you're being a bit harsh on the Iraq War, there John, because it's only five. It's only turning five now, so it's really still only small. I mean, think what you were like at the age of five. I don't want to always five. I committed all kinds of hypocritical human rights abuses, so, you know, we shouldn't get on our high horse, that's all I'm saying. Budget news and budget fever has rampaged through Britain like the flavour of red pepper

through an airline meal. There was no getting away from it this week. Kids were skiving off school to listen to the budget, crammed down their radios in their tree houses and dens. It's that unique budget day feeling. The chance with it's second Alice of Darling was criticized for the budget being dull, which is a bit like a boxer complaining about his opponent sucking in one in the chops. I think if a budget is ever exciting, that is really the time to worry. I'm not most people in Britain, I don't really care what happens in the budget,

as long as he doesn't slap an X or two P on the price of a bag of dried apricots. A smoke is a drink that has been hit hardest as usual. It's a bit unfair because most teenagers don't even have jobs, so how they expect it to fund their habits. They also brought in some controversial moves, attacks on swearing, a retrospective education tax. So if you feel you've used something that you learned at school or university in your everyday life, you have to send the government £10 in the post. And also to dissuade people from living on into the 80s and 90s at great expense of the state, there is now a one off windfall tax rebate of £80 to anyone who dies before the age of 80. So that's positive news.

But in global economics news, stock markets fell yet again, as Wall Street realised that the emergency measures banks used to combat the credit crunch had merely papered over the cracks, which were cracking even more underneath. I'm not economist Andy, we both know that, but I'm starting to get the idea now that we're heading for economic meltdown. I don't even know what that means. But I have a strong inclination that's where we're going. But it's interesting again what Bush is doing. When the Clinton staff left the White House, they supposedly took the W off the keyboards because George W Bush was coming in. That must be already guaranteed to be the funniest practical joke of the 21st century. Bush, by contrast, is leaving the global economy and the American economy in a state of total chaos,

a furious world angry at his wars, etc, etc. So if his Star Wars were to remove all the relevant keys of his keyboards, they would have to remove all the letters of you stupid. Look what you've done. Taking keys off a keyboard is one thing, leaving the world on the precipice of Armageddon as a whole mother. Yeah, saw that one out. Leaving the world on the precipice of Armageddon as a whole mother. Yeah, saw that one out Your emails now and we've had an absolute deluge of diagnoses for John's illness of last week John Do you actually know what was wrong with you? Well, there's a lot of armchair doctors out there I know a don't because I didn't go to a normal chair doctor chair doctor's out there. I know a don't because I didn't go to a normal chair doctor. Right. But we've had some quite interesting diagnoses that suggest that you were wrong about it being

exhaustion. Brian Martin from Ajax in Ontario. I'm forced to conclude that John is, or other was since he is most certainly dead by now, suffering from the black death. Apparently that adorable little homeless rat he brought back to his apartment last week was in direct contravention of the no-vermin clause in his lease and it wasn't so harmless after all. I base my dog notice on the feeble quality of Mr. Oliver's winging during the podcast. Oh come on! In addition to his not looking at all well in his recent appearances on the Daily Show. If Mr. Oliver's doctor has taken to seeing him dressed in a large bird's

head mask and a full length wax covered coat. The diagnosis is confirmed. What Anna's diagnosis is this? Dear John and Andy, it is democracy. It is trying to sprout in John and is obviously not taking. I'm afraid the only cure is to sit for 24 hours in front of a constant stream of attack ads. This will cause the democracy to run screaming into the night and all will be well.

Then she says, or it could be syphilis, but it definitely looked like democracy to me. And I like the near certainty with which she said it could be syphilis. Joe and Chicago has another theory. He writes, I specialize in diagnosing from afar, and obviously what John is suffering from is a persistent, vegetative state. How else can you explain his disdain for the cryptic crossword? Good point, Joe. Good point. There is no other explanation. consistent, vegetative state. How else can you explain his disdain for the cryptic crossword? Good point, Joe! Good point. There is no other explanation.

Hotties from history now, and this one comes from Eliza in St Andrews in Scotland. She would like to nominate the Roman Emperor Octavian as a hotty from history. She writes, is there anything sexy than absolute power over the known world? I think not. Octavian may have been uptight as hell, but he was probably incredibly kinky. That is tarring all ancient Romans with the same perverted brush. Probably rightly, but anyway. It's always the one who makes laws rewriting the definitions of marriage who tend to have the dirtiest minds, just look at the Republicans in Congress. Plus, after he changes name to Augustus, so much more vulnerable than Octavian, you see.

You thought about this too much, Eliza. He had the foresight to name the hottest month of the year after himself. Coincidence, I think not. An email coming from Sierra Leone now, that's right, Sierra Leone, is from John Fielding and it says the vote must go to the divine Florence Nightingale, whose hotness was not diminished by her unfortunate accident when she dropped a bedpan on her foot and was then s forth known as the lady with the limp. Kasslam! PUNS from Sierra Leone, the first draft to Kanye West single.

It's great to know that years of civil war and Sierra Leone have not completely wiped the pun out from that country. That's great to see. This one comes from Alan Ward. He writes, Hi, Bugle, I have to say, why has Genghis Khan not been voted as the hottest hottie from history? Just look at the fact, he had 20,000 grandchildren, so he must have been superhuman. Conquering most, if not all of Asia, from the back of a horse, then fertilising hundreds, if not thousands of women as he went. I think it must have been his charisma and charm that got the females going, not the fact that he had just killed thousands of people and might kill them as well. History has it wrong, he is the

very epitome of virtue and an inspiration to all men. Genghis Khan, good nomination. Sport, England is conquering Europe, not for the first time, although this time using the medium of football and not leaving a trail of devastation in its wake. There are four English teams in the last eight of the European Champions Cup, John, is America excited about this? Well, they're excited. The fact that's nearly a democratic majority, Andy. We nearly, if we get more than 50% at any point of the competition we really do deserve to be kings of Europe once more. But these aren't just any four teams

John. These are four of the richest eight teams in Europe. Now statistically what are the chances of four of the richest eight clubs being four of the best eight teams left in the competition? They're depressingly high. That is something which America would support. That is capitalism in action. That shows that the system works. To me, John, it shows that competitive sport is dying before our very eyes. Of course, some winging bleat mongers complain that hardly any of the players, managers, coaches, owners and tactics are English and the English football is suffering because of it. But I would say that this shows this, but I would say that this shows what a sizzlingly

amazing nation England is. We realise that we don't have the sporting capabilities to beat the best. But we know how effective a self perpetuating plutocrat can be and we're not afraid to use it. So we've carried out a superb piece of delegation. English decline as a nation can be traced to when we started to throw too much of our energy into sport. So by delegating the actual tedious hard graft of playing and winning to our minions from overseas, we English can concentrate on the important celebration phase of football. And also saves millions of pounds of taxpayers' money teaching children to play and enjoy sport when realistically hardly any of them are ever going to make the

great. Well done, English football. Olympics news now, and China's foreign minister has strongly criticised anti-China forces that he says are determined to politicise and polarise this year's Beijing Olympic Games. It's straight how often these anti-China forces turn out to be human rights groups. It is an uncanny correlation, isn't it? Well, if human rights people got against China, it's starting to look like a vendetta. I know they're so much anti-China

as they are pro-human rights and that really backs them into a corner on the whole China issue. It's interesting that the Olympics basically has been reduced to an obvious scheme by governments to make the international community forget about appalling human rights records. It's clearly working for China, it's going to work for London. Who cares about detention without trial when you can watch a Romanian girl not fall off a plank of wood for fear of being beaten up by a 50 year old man? I don't. I'm prepared to overlook it. And it also worked for Australia, at the very moment that Kathy Freeman crossed the line in Sydney in 2000. The then Australian leader John Howard was personally signing the death warrants of 50,000 Australian children who'd shown insufficient interest in sports. But as long as the trophies and the medals

keep flooding in, Australia just doesn't care. And great news for the Czechs this week. As Martina Navratelova has reclaimed her Czech citizenship after abandoning it for the United States citizenship years ago. Fantastic news for the Czechs who now I believe receive all her retroactive Grand Slam titles. Congratulations, checks. You are great tennis players once more. Do you think it's a later further American sports stars defecting at the first opportunity and protests at the Bush administration's actions around the world? Yeah, and all to the checks as well. That's that's how to do it. You can't dilute it by going here and there. Everyone has to

become a cheque citizen in protest now. I think this really reflects badly on America as a country John. All I will say is you don't get Tim Henman changing nationalities at the drop of a hat. Point made. And now it's the audio cryptic crossword. Strap in folks, this clue is 12 across. It's five letters long, and it really explores how cynically commercial opportunities are exploited. And it is this. King of Computing, Heads, East and South to find things that inevitably crash and disappoint children. Buggles forecast now, and this week it is a Nostradamus forecast. How many Nostradamus forecasts are going to come through this week, Andy?

I think two forecasts are going to come through this week. One, his forecast that France is going to dissolve right this week. He's very clear about that. And secondly his forecast that a man with a pointy head will become World Badminton Champion. I think it's only one this week and it's going to be the one about metal bird shooting fire out of their beaks. Well, let's see who's right. I'm confident. Very confident. We're away for Easter next week and he's going to say some very very important time to think about what his people did to Jesus. Well he was going to

think we've been through this before. So next week there will be special audio DVD extras bits of the bugle that were not able to be broadcast on the grounds of Insufficient quality or insufficient time. Let's be honest Well, there's something for you bugle obsessive to listen to as You wonder whether or not Jesus is coming back this year and if so does he like chocolate rabbits? So do email us the bugle at timesunline.co.uk Bye! Happy Easter! Jesus is dead!