The Bugle - Swede Dreams are Made of Trees - Bugle 4106

Episode Date: April 27, 2019

Andy, Nish and Nato Green look at the environment, the anti-vac movement, Putin & Kim's drink up and The Avengers. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Dancelaguard fans, you will be thrilled to know a book is coming out if you fund it via Unbound. We are publishing the Dancelaguard Reader by Alice Fraser and Dancelaguard, a glorious insight into the world of Dancelaguard, self-published romance maven, and online bestseller. If you would like to find out how to support it, go to thebugelpodcast.com. If we get enough support, we will publish the book. That's a real thing that's going to happen. Thebugelpodcast.com to support the Danciler Guard Reader. A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A- Audio newspaper for a visual world. Hello, buglers, and welcome whether you like it or not. And if you've gone to the trouble of downloading this podcast, let's assume that you do like it.

To issue 4106 of the bugle of the world's leading and only independent listener-funded audio newspaper for a visual world. For the week beginning, Monday the 29th of April 2019, we are recording on Friday the 26th of April I am Andy Zoltzman and I am here as this self in the case where I am and to hear this week specifically is London which in days gone by of course was known as London those days gone by include last Wednesday and Christmas 1828 my current pulse rate is let me me check, multiply that by 6, 364 beats per minute.

And what is making me so excited? Well, it's having the two guests that I'm about to introduce you on the Bugle this week. Firstly, joining me in the studio is the Beaded Balthasar Abadinash, Nishkumar. Andy, I would really appreciate you not quoting directly from my Tinder profile. Hello Andy, hello Douglas. How you doing? I'm alright, well I've not had almost no sleep. I'm a man. The English should know that Andy's been taking on. I think what he himself would admit would be the minimal amount expected from a father

of two children this week and is left of absolutely destroyed. Yeah it's been a busy week with school and also my my wife has today finished and handed in her doctoral thesis after that's four years of study. It's a genuinely big achievement. It is and it brings to the end a glorious period of my career when I could really for once feel like I was genuinely a show with superstar because I've been in my forties and sleeping the end, a glorious period of my career when I could really for once feel like I was genuinely a show with superstar because I've been in my 40s and sleeping with a student by sleeping with, I really mean sleeping with. So how have you been over the last few weeks?

Well you know it's been the usual couple of weeks, Andy. I was the subject of an op-ed piece in the Times News Paper for being too offensive for the free speech awards. So very much just business as usual. I hosted the free speech awards, thought that in being the free speech awards, all bets were off. But it turns out some bets were very on. Very, very extremely on. And describing the daily mail as a hate-filled shit rag,

turned out to be too much for several of the more sensitive members of the audience, one of whom was Matthew Parris who wrote a big piece in the Times about what I am. Right, in the inter-most times. Viva free speech, Andy. Viva free speech, unless you say something about someone I know in which case shut the f*** up. I mean I guess saying shut the f*** up is free speech as well. I guess it is. It's like tennis isn't it? And now joining us all the way from San Francisco fresh from his Beagle debut back in March. Well fresh-ish, a few weeks ago now. It's a man whose name can trigger a Trump supporter or not one, but two different levels.

Nito Green. Hello, Andy. Hello, Nito. Is it working? Are we connected? I think we are in the future. We are in the future. We are in the future using the wondrous technology

of a transatlantic yogurt pot. Welcome back to the bugle, Nito. How have you been in the last few weeks? I've been fantastic. I finally got a hold of the complete unredacted Mule Report. All right. Through secret channels, I was able to read it. I can, it took me about a day.

I can report that every part that you saw publicly that had been redacted just said, this mother f***er. Ha ha it's very much what we all suspect it but you know is that enough to impeach I'm just not sure it is. And I mean just generally in America any the build up to the 2020 elections continues.

I imagine the kids of San Francisco absolutely beside themselves with excitement at Joe Biden standing and I don't think is running next year. Well I don't want Joe Biden to be president but I would like him to give me a massage. Right, that's it. Well I mean the two often go hand in hand. We are recording on 26th of April, a belated happy birthday to my sister Helen, currently touring with the illusionist live show in the Southern Hemisphere, do go and see if you're on that side of the planet. Happy birthday also to former Bugle co-hosts.

John, how's that pronounced? Oliver, Irish, I think. And on, what, today, the 60th anniversary of this exact same day by coincidence in 1959, when there was a famous public punch up in a Santa Monica bar between the Hollywood stars, Marlon Brando and Mickey Mouse, after the latter defecated compulsively throughout a poker game, finally bringing Brando to breaking point when for the 12th time that Disney characters said, don't blame me, I'm a mouse. That of course was the same deborced evening on which Gufi got a bit over excited during the game of roulette and hump the

groupie's leg celebrities, lived by a different set of rules to the rest of us. No offense niche. On the 29th of April, so this is the week, the week beginning, the 29th of April, on the 29th of April, so this is the week, Google for the week beginning of the 29th of April, on the 29th of April, 1945, Eva Brown, a woman whom I think it is fair to say, had an at best questionable taste in men, married her long-term boy, Adolf Hitler. You can say that Eva Brown did indeed. That's quite right.

29th of April. And on the 30th of April 1945, Eva Brown said her unforgettable final words, worst honeymoon ever. As always, some sections of the Beagle are going straight in the bin. This week, a books section, I'm looking at some of the exciting new books that have recently come out, including J.M. Stribble's new, a beginner's guide to misleadingly titled books, which is a fascinating insight into 14th century falconry. So pretty much what you'd expect.

How to escape death by the late Brian Zerksy's granch, the unfinished chapter 12, on living alone at one with nature on a vegan diet in a mountain cave, God had only by a friendly crocodile is especially poignant. We also review 12 and other words that sound really weird when you think about it by Professor Flann's Don't Pledge Art, lovely bit on the word flouting. And a couple of sports of biographies, including f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f*** another f***ing fence. What? I just cut these f***ing things down, I asked Jason, who was sitting on me wearing a helmet, shouting something along the lines of Ron Faster for f***ing sake. He ignored me as he saw from dead. Well, if I had a f***ing helmet like you, I said, I wouldn't be so

f***ing worried about falling over. I jumped over the last of the 30 f***ing fences and ran as fast as I f***ing could. I said, I'd worked out, that was the quickest way to make people climb off your back as a horse. Everyone started cheering, not fucking surprising. They had that to just jump over 30 fucking fences. Shit, I thought, I wish I'd been born a cow. Ha! Very similar in tone to football of Roy Keen's or Tobago Fierciani. Top story this week.

The environment is being saved. Great news here. Britain has been visited by the 16-year-old Swedish climate activist, Greta Thunberg, who has basically made our politicians aware that the planet is extraordinary action. She was the goal of kicked off this wave of school climate protests that we've talked about before on the bugle and it's extraordinary seeing the reaction of our politicians. She addressed a parliamentary committee and politicians have been lining up to thank her for finally telling us that we did need to do something about it and does raise the question, why were we not told before about climate change?

Why did this one 16-year-old get frivolous access to this secret information that even our senior political leaders were not aware of? It's one of the great scandals of British politics. And she's been much criticized by the right-wing commentary at in this country, by the sort of people who describe themselves as being classical liberals, which is a phrase that means I'm liberal, but before the abolition of slavery. And it's good to see that the Venn diagram between people who don't believe in the science on climate change add the people who are willing to publicly bully a child

is in fact a circle. She attracted criticism from Brendan O'Neill, who's a writer from Spite magazine, who said she looked like a cult member with her monotone voice and look of apocalyptic dread in her eyes. Spite magazine is a magazine that apparently promotes free speech, so let me use some of my free speech to tell Brendan O'Neill to go jump up his own arson die. She's also been criticized by parrots who's already switching his episode off. It is fan. He's also been criticized by Toby Young. They don't give you some context. Toby Young is the Lord Voldemort of rich white male privilege. In that every time he thinks

he's done he comes back and he seems to spend a lot of time being angry with a child. Lord Voldemort is the most evil wizard in the world and his big plan was to kill a baby. King hell Voldemort. Anyway, while we talk about planets, some like that. Reading about Brendan O'Neil, it's hard to take a grown man seriously with basically his argument is that a girl made him feel bad by mentioning science. Uh. Uh. Uh.

Um, Brendan, I wrote this in his article, anyone who doubts that the green movement is morphing into a millionarian cult to think as a cult the West, particularly nicely made a house. Ha. Ha. Um, should take a close look at Jeffersonburg.

As you say, increasingly looks and sounds like a cult member with a monotone voice. That is just all teenage friends. All teenage, and obviously, mention not necessarily a cult, you might just have a dream of working as an announcer at a train station.

The look of apocalyptic dread in her eyes, the explicit talk of the coming great fire that will punish us for our eco-sins. He highlighted this and I guess that shows that these days there is a fine line, a fine and evidently hard to discern line between deranged member of a cult and someone who's vaguely up to speed with the sides. Spike Twack has seen retrouble a couple of months ago when it was revealed that they'd actually received some of money from the Koch brothers, NATO, your fellow countrymen of course. And what that basically means is stare and bunching

s***s. Sir, nicely translated into that modern colloquial English. To be honest, if actually this supposed-in-look- look of apocalyptic dread in her eyes. Presumably that's because she knows that by saying anything, people like Brendan O'Neill will write articles about her. And also, to be absolutely fair to her, if she is looking at climate change science, she is looking at the apocalypse. If I meet anyone under the age of 21 who does not have an apocalyptic dread in her eyes, I think they are off their rocker.

She's not talking all to cult. A sinister cult that threatens to This is not a tall horde to cult. A sinister cult that threatens to preserve our planet and everything we hold dear, terrifying, truly weirdly terrifying. Surely, guys, one of the prime defining features of cults is that they tend not to be supported by thousands and thousands of peer reviewed scientific papers. Yeah, this very few scientists that backed up the bag one

from Wild World Country. Of all the things for teenagers to lecture us about the scientific evidence about the threats the climate seemed like, I would prefer that. I don't know if you ever tried to listen to a teenager talk at length about how we don't really appreciate Nietzsche enough, but I'll take client science over that any day. It's her visit here has been the sort of cresting of a wave of the last couple of weeks that's included a mass protest by Extension Rebellion, a large group of young people. Sorry, I mean us. I'm a cool young guy.

Sorry grandads, I'm about to screw X and dubstep all over this snapchat. Wiki, Wiki, while, while, west. It's been a lot of screw X reference, I've been doing it recently. I just couldn't go through the way I've been doing it. Andy, is Alex paying you for a product placement? Yeah. Um, extension of a valid is a group that describes itself as a movement that uses non-violent civil disobedience to bring issues on climate change to the fore and they say they want

radical change to minimise the risk of human extinction and ecological collapse. So I'm self-interested. Well, to that I say, get back to San Francisco in 1967, you're f***ing hippies. Minimize the risk of human extinction. Well, let's light up a doobie and sing some Dylan Round of Cankfire, you're fucking hippies minimize the risk of human extinction. Well, let's light up a dubious thing some Dylan round a Kangfire you're stinking bait Nick Jesus I saw I saw a headline in the independent that said

Extinction rebellion climate change protesters glue themselves to the London London Stock Exchange Which I understood to mean naked climate change protesters glue their own clothes to the London Stock Exchange, which I understood to mean naked climate change protesters glue their own clothes to the London Stock Exchange. It's quite a good way of protesting, didn't you, to glue yourself? I've always said there is no more potent protest than anything that involves the exposing of a Peterson Centesticals. There is nothing anyone wants to see less than a hippie's bulls-out. And that was, what was that from the news? I'll be honest.

I mean, we didn't miss Easter long. That was actually a quote of one of the pharaohs when he insisted Jesus Poppa loincloth on while he was up on the crucifix. Oh the pharaohs, sorry, I'm a little behind of my Bible studies. Fair enough, you're an even worse Jew than me. I've found my post to quote from my next story, so... Anyway, I'm not going to get to Jesus, he probably would have glued himself, had the technology been there and said, obviously nails with the options to buy this. To make this point.

God, or I'll get a help. We are, don't worry, we are. And I mean, if you think climate change is bad here, why'd you literally see what is going on there? Why above pre-industrial level? I, at one point many years ago, I got, I was arrested for blockading a bank with a bunch of activists, among other things,

about Wells Fargo's financing of, of private prisons and rainforest destruction. And we had locked the bank entrances and the police came and said, look, we understand what you're trying to do, but we need to clear you out of here because if there's a fire on earthquake, people won't be able to evacuate the building if you've locked the doors. And we said, if there's a fire on Earthquake we're going to get the f*** out of here on our own. You won't need to ask. I couldn't deal with the irony of the headline, Occupy Wall Street literally crushed under the collapsing banking

system. It was a world Earth Day on Tuesday. Of course, happy world Earth Day guys. So, you know, Donald Trump issued a statement in which you failed to mention climate change. I mean, fair enough, it's like when a friend or family has a really bad illness, you don't want to keep banging on about it all the time. I said this, these words, environmental protection and economic prosperity go hand in hand. It's true. Like a child and a kidnapper. And also a strong market economy is essential to protecting our critical natural resources and fostering a legacy of conservation. And

that may be true, but the strong market economy doesn't have the greatest track record. No, it's not unless there's a deleted seed at the film Wall Street where Gordon Gekko goes on a carbon offsetting mission to South America. Trump internally often had the curve on science to be fair to him. Early this month he shared the news that the noise from wind turbines causes cancer a discovery that had had looted every single medical expert in the world. But noise from wind turbines can so please kids, if you're listening to this stay away from noisy wind turbines for your own good. It might might seem cool. I know there's a lot of peer pressure to hang around on the wind turbines, but please stay safe.

Please for the love of God stay in small enclosed spaces and smoke your delicious cigarette to avoid cancer. In other, nothing world leaders news, Donald Trump's former friends, Vladimir Putin and Kim Jong Un, they are, they've been meeting each other, Kim Jong Un, take the train, chose how devoted he is to saving the environment. And I'm not quite sure exactly what they've been talking about. I've had a mid-Pugum Prume taking some time out from this extremely hectic schedule of watching Western democracy tear itself apart, giggling and saying, God, this is going well. Europe's Thanos. I imagine that mostly talking about what's going on in the world, snooker championships as well as the fucking on fortnight, flossing and girls.

But, um, Nish, I mean, why do you see this, this Kim Putin summit in the grand scheme of things? Well listen, it's the alien versus predator of geopolitics. It's not an ideal scenario to have those two together. Even less ideal, according to a report of the meeting by the independent newspaper, there were several bottles of champagne being seen wheeled into the meeting. And this is direct quite for the paper. A shiny face, an often slurring Mr Putin, was happy to emphasise his point.

Did they just get pissed together? Did they just get shit faced? Bunt, is that necessarily a bad thing? Is that not what the world needs? I mean, how many world wars did Boris Yeltsin start? And I mean, I reckon Yeltsin was absolute my him. Oh, yeah. Stalin looks like he could put a few away.

And I mean, let's face it, he was going up against Churchill, who is the Stalin of mass alcohol consumption. I'm just not sure you're winning Matthew Parris back with some of that. Churchill liked to draw. He used to drink half a bottle of whole rosé with love. Look, the Kim Putin summit makes sense to me, Kim Jong-un met with Donald Trump and then he said let me speak to your manager. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha at the end of their meeting, they were serredated by a car sack choir as they tucked into beetroot soup and reindeer dumplings. And if those two were trying not to appeal like super villains, can I suggest that they don't literally eat Rudolph and then eat the only food stuff that turns your stool into a vampire's punchball? Didn't reindeer dumplings get paid £200,000 for a non-disclosure agreement by Trump during

the presidential campaign. I'm not drawing any conclusions. The coverage of it has been so, so, like, weirdly shallow, like, like, time, the time magazine article about, about the summit. I can't remember, it was a time of the news week. Basically the entire thing, it went through, there was man spreading, they both of them took turns spreading their legs very wide as they were sitting together. It mapped out the unamilized the body language of how they shook hands compared to how Kim and Trump shook hands. They talked about Kim as a heavy breather. It just, it really, what was conveyed is that at least in the United States, our entire foreign correspondent press corps does not speak either Korean or Russian and therefore

cannot intelligently cover anything other than body language of foreign dignitaries. Or is the situation that the journalists also got shit-faced and we're trying to panic and file something based on some photos they googled the next morning. Google image search, reindeer dumpling. Nice angle on this summit. Kim Jong-un turned up in an armored luxury Daimler limousine and the German comic, in fact, with Daimler, has said it has no idea where he got this car He's been e-baying vintage cars. Yeah, either that or he's a surprise guest today now deleted episode of Pimp My Ride I would guess that Kim Jong-un just figured out how to like build one of his labor camps into a knockoff time-ler factory. And it was like, look, you're intellectual property laws don't work in my country.

If you want to sue me for copyright infringement, give it a shot. In other people ignoring the massive white of scientific evidence news now, it has emerged according to UNICEF that more than half a million children in the UK missed out on the measles vaccine between the years 2010 and 2017. This has been blamed on a mixture of the difficulty of getting a GP appointment and anti-vaccination propaganda online.

This is a common, this is Britain, but it's best. This is delusional propaganda and government underfunning. That is what we do. Keep calm and carry on with your measles. Obviously, as we've already touched on in this show, in the earlier section, one of the great human skills we have as a species that elevates us above the beasts, is the ability to take the obviously fraudulent claims of a lone tool or a small group of tools and fools, weigh them up against the combined intellectual heft of the world's

greatest scientific minds supported by years, decades, centuries even of laboratory and empirical research and progress. Consider the various merits of their respective arguments and conclude, yeah, let's go with the guy standing on a rubbish bin wearing a luminous jock strap and shouting at traffic. It seems to know he's talking about, I like the cut of his jib. I mean, you're not far wrong with that description often, the characterization of an anti-vaxxer because one of the most prominent ones is Rob Schneider, star of the film, do you speak alone, male, giggle? Not just that. Of course, everyone would want to listen to medical

advice from Jenny McCarthy, the actress from MTV in the 90s. I don't know about you, but I floss because David Ducuffney told me to. That's just how I go about my day. At least with ignoring warnings on the environment. There's obvious benefits in that. Economically, we can all have a blast now. Lots of fun to be had. Who doesn't enjoy cars, flying to my nice and big old plane, eating the old cow here and there, wearing a funky new shirt imported from the other side of the world and then burying it in the ground after wearing it once so that no one can steal your inevitable style, not freezing to death in winter and burning effigies of the environment for threatening our way of life.

All those things are fun, but anti-vaccination. I don't see the sense in that. No, I love my kids, but I think I'd love them even more if I expose them to a dangerous illness. It will make our bonds stronger. Yeah, it's... Listen, it's hard to not read stories about anti-vaccination and not think with fiff and deservedly so. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha But if we just shut our eyes and ignore it completely, it will either a happen or be not happen

to lead according to your political preference. We've started to rear its idiotic variety of heads again in the last couple of days, essentially, to sum up what's happened since then, same shit, same total lack of shit. And the big curve ball is the EU elections coming up that we were supposed to be not participating in because we were supposed to have launched ourselves into a glorious new independent future. And the European elections, well there's a certain, there's a few ironies flying around here. The Nigel Farage's new Brexit party looks set to do very well in elections for the thing they're explicitly set up to

extraordinary. Absolutely, the Brexit party. And also, obviously, we're leaving the EU to get back in charge of our democracy, but the EU elections have proportion representation. And it's basically the only chance you get to vote, where you'll vote definitely counts for something, but we're making ourselves more democratic by removing that option from our repertoire. So... Yeah, Nigel Farah's gaggle of racists and f*** quits and b***s are leading in opinion polls at the moment. So we're going into the European elections, pretty determined to elect a party who are

trying to get us out of Europe and out of the post-industrial age. But where we belong. Yeah, I think that's official policy. It's just a restored feudal law to Britain. Yeah, fucking shit. I think they're trying to send the message that we don't want to subtly our failed democracy with your failed democracy. I'm really trying to understand what the mood is of the British,

like because when the Brexit vote happened in 2016, what we heard is it wasn't that the voters definitely specifically understood and wanted what they were voting for, but they just wanted to sort of tell like fancy pants elites that the people who think that they're in charge of the country are in fact a bunch of incompetent blowhards and, you know, mission accomplished. So like, can't the British people just declare victory and move on?

Like, it seemed like what? This is, you know, we've all politicians lie. Why is this the one promise that politicians are like, no, they could just say, we lied this. We lied again. Like all the other times we lied, this is another lie. We said we were going to do something, we said we were going to make America great again. It's not going to happen.

Sorry, welcome to politics. You dummies for believing in it. I feel like Brexit has become this moment of reckoning where people are waiting for, are excited about this thing that is never coming. I'm, I've, I've started to think that Brexit might be the rapture. Um, and so, uh, niche, I don't know if, if, uh, if you know this about me, but besides being a comedian, uh, my other, uh, job is I'm actually a professional labor union negotiator.

And so I sort of, I'm trying to follow just it from the perspective of the craft of negotiating. Right. And so here's my, here's my advice from Theresa May. As I understand it, MPs have voted down a no deal Brexit, a deal Brexit and a deal no Brexit. And so the only option left to her is a no deal no Brexit. I think that's the way forward. Sherlock Holmes said, when you've eliminated the impossible, you are left only with a fucking idiotic.

So, and her offer to resign, if the MP's past Brexit is sort of a high stakes negotiating gamble on her part, that the MPs are more committed to hating her personally than they are committed to their fundamental political ideology of accomplishing f*** all. Do I have that right? Yeah, you have that spot on. It's amazing the insight you guys might have seen. And so the Tory opponents of Theresa May, they want the option of the no confidence vote so that they can get rid of her, but they don't want to accept her offer to get rid of herself.

Uh, which is- Yeah, no, they want to push her onto her sword. They don't want her to fall on a sword of our own volition. They very much want to- They want to stab it. That's what I'm saying. one, two, they want to stab it. That's what I'm saying. Film news now and Avengers Endgame has opened in America, I believe. I mean, I'm not a match for a fan of the Avengers. I think it's a bad example. I'm waiting for the new comic book franchise, the conciliators to come out.

Proper role models from all viable world. NATO, you are our Hollywood correspondent, because you are geographically in the same time zone as Hollywood. Oh, I thought you were saying that I was the Hollywood correspondent because I'm a Jew. That was the subject. You don't have to say it out of your mouth. No, do you have any free time to teach no. No, no, no. No, no, no. No, no, no. No, no, no. No, no, no.

No, no, no. No, no, no. No, no, no. No, no, no. No, no, no. No, no, no. No, no, no. No, no, no.

No, no, no. No, no. No, no. No, no. No, no. No, no. No, no. No, no.

No, no. No, no. No, no. No, no. No, no. No, no. Yeah, although I think I might mess it up a bit because I would I would probably lead with bacon so I would probably lead with bacon and a Palestinian state so that might be a problem for some of our president So yeah, I'm very excited to watch the eventers. I'm going to see it tomorrow I at this point in my life, I'm a middle-aged man, so I am, but I'm still cool kids and indiscri-lix and whatnot like we were discussing earlier. But the way that I judge a movie at this point

is how many times I get so excited by the action that I have to go pee. And I am predicting Avengers in-game will be a three-uridadjacent movie for me. I will report back later. And it's one of those movies where like with these Marvel movies I get so excited and I'm so wrapped up in them and I'm so invested. And I also as I watch them think, don't think about this too much.

Like the basic plot doesn't make any sense at all You know, there are these infinity stones. We are told at some point in passing that they came from the big bang And no one is like well, why would that be true? You know, that doesn't make any sense and then the infinity stones there's the power time Energy, you know, there's all these different stones, but it seems the reality stone, it seems like once you have the reality stone, the other four stones are redundant.

Like once you can control reality, what does it mean to also control time at that point? And so the theory was, at the end of the last one, is that Thanos killed half of all life as a strategy of resource conservation to deal with scarce resources. I think that was what Greta Thunberg was saying. Greta Thunberg-Astano is the point. Yes. And so at the end of the last film, half of all life, everybody dies.

And again, a mathematician friend of mine pointed out that at a basic level, Thanos is math was wrong. That if what he's concerned about is the ability of the food supply to sustain life, then killing half of all life in the universe wasn't enough killing because it would just rebound in 30 years. So he needed to kill more people in order to have a longer growth curve,

which is adorable and depressing. So, but then as I watched the trailers get ready for it, it's like all this stuff of the Avengers saying, we don't have to, we can't bring them back, but we can avenge them, we can't take this. And it felt like the whole thing was, it's a movie that has built around the idea of grown men's inability to deal with grief.

So rather than just accepting, you know what I mean? Like that they're going to go fight Thanos and kill themselves rather than being sad about having lost their friends. You know, like if Thanos had been an asteroid that had killed all life instead of a guy who clicked his fingers and then the next Avengers movie was Captain America saying, I'm going to go punch that asteroid. We would recognize it as a stupid plan and just encourage Captain America

to take up writing some sad poetry and singing the blues, go to Guatemala, do some back-backing, find himself, try Ayahuasca, the whole, all the things that we all do when you're grieving. But instead, because it's a guy and not like the inevitability of death, Captain America gets to act out his bad judgment.

Well, man, get in touch with your feelings. It's like, well, no, I'm here to tell you that you are not even the most pathetic event just found on this podcast because I have in fact seen Avengers Endgame because I went to a screening at 7am yesterday morning. I went to screening with four of my friends who between us have a combined age of 183 at 7am because it was the earliest possible screening that we could get tickets for that also allowed all of us to go together in a moment that my mother described as quotes truly pathetic. move that my mother described as quotes truly pathetic. So, and did you were you able to use that on dating apps subsequent? I've updated my bio accordingly.

Well, that brings us towards the end of this week's Bugle. It's been a great pleasure to have NATO back on the show. Nice, thanks very much for doing it. If you only show or anything you'd like to plug to our listeners while you're here. I would be glad to. My new comedy album, The Whiteness Album, is available wherever comedy can be streamed and downloaded. Please check that out. And I will be at the San Francisco punchline, May 9, 10th and 11th. There we go. Well, Mitch, thanks very much for coming back on and having a bit of respite from your own pitch battles

with the distinguished journalists of this mission. Oh, f***ing hell. I'm not going to upset next. That is the title of your new TV show. As we approach the end of the show, it is time for what has now become an unstoppable tradition of bugle shows. The lies about our voluntary subscribers,

if you wish to contribute to the bugle, and it's continued independence. And thriving this, please go to thebuglepodcast.com and click the donate button. There are various options there to give as much, or as little as you see fit as often or as unoften. As you want and if you choose one of our premium options for one of a better word, we will tell a lie about you on this show and you can join the following people in being belied about by the bugle. Until next week, goodbye.

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is quite keen to buy tickets for Andy Zoltzman's solo show at the underbelly on the 18th of May, and indeed the live bugle on the 22nd of June in London, but cannot decide which, because they'll obviously both be fucking sensational. He's also considering a trip to the Edmund Festival to see Andy's new show, Control Z, at the stand from Tuesday the 13th of August, to Sunday the 25th, or maybe political animal, which there's quite a few shows of in the evening, or the bugle live on the 13th of August to Sunday the 25th or maybe political animal which there's quite a few shows of in the evening or the bugle live on the 16th or 19th of August such a difficult call, such a very difficult call. Thank you to all of those people, apart perhaps from the last one who may or may not exist. More lies next week. Goodbye. Bye. Goodbye.

Bye.