The Bugle - Texas(shole) Ted

Episode Date: February 28, 2021

Andy is with Baratunde Thurston and Nish Kumar to talk vaccines, Texas and protests.We have a NEW SHOW. Subscribe to The Gargle and get topical jokes about everything except politics: https://pod.link/1552687312Buy a loved one Bugle Merch (or some for yourself, it's allowed).The Last Post, keeps appearing here. Follow us on YouTube or Insta and see parts of this episode with actual video.The Bugle is hosted this week by:Andy ZaltzmanBaratunde ThurstonNish KumarAnd produced by Ross Ramsey Golding and Chris Skinner. Listen to Chris' Travel Hacker here: http://pod.link/1480712081  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Dancelaguard fans, you will be thrilled to know a book is coming out if you fund it via Unbound. We are publishing the Dancelaguard Reader by Alice Fraser and Dancelaguard, a glorious insight into the world of Dancelaguard, self-published romance maven, and online bestseller. If you would like to find out how to support it, go to thebugelpodcast.com. If we get enough support, we will publish the book. That's a real thing that's going to happen. Thebugelpodcast.com to support the Danciler Guard Reader. A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A Audio newspaper for a visual world! Hello, Bugglers, and welcome to issue 4184 of the Bugal Audio newspaper for a world that mostly just looks at things on screens these days. I'm Andy Zoltzman, coming to you live, albeit no longer live by the time you hear it, so not really live, from my shed in South London, and I'm joined today. From just up the road in Brixton also South London by

Nish Kumar. Hello Nish. Hello Andy. Hello Bugglers. Good to see you. Good to be here. How have you been in the last few weeks since you were last on any massive, exciting news of exciting walks in a park? No, I mean I've been leaving my house habitually. Andy, I've been alerted to a slightly alarming trend. Regulistices podcast will be vaguely familiar with two characters in the Southern Hemisphere, namely my teenage cousins, who opened the Pandora's Box of Bugal Wikipedia Vandalism when they encouraged Bugal listeners to demolish my Wikipedia page a couple of years ago. They actually showed me something slightly alarming. There are people doing lip syncs to my stand-up on TikTok Andy. Now I'll show you. When they said

that to me, I understood about three of the words in that sentence and none of them in the context in which they were being delivered, But they showed me short videos on the short video sharing website TikTok where people are lip syncing to me doing some stand-up of how monopoly. And I'm all for it, Andrew. I'm all for it. I think the only logical extension is for this, is for the next series of RuPaul's Drag Race to feature Drag Queens lip syncing to my full hour long stand-up shows. I'm ready for it. It's a new world and I've been accidentally thrust to the forefront of it.

Well, it's quite a exciting development in your career, isn't it? Yeah, well, I've got f***ing coal else going on, Andy. This is pretty much all I can cling to. Well, you don't technically have an inverted commas job at the moment, but some teenagers are mouthing along to things you've said about four years ago. Well, I think that's how Jesus started, wasn't it? That's how it kicked off for him. And, like Jesus, I'm a bearded brown man who's been somewhat controversial in the realm of whity.

And fully Jewish as well of course, isn't it, isn't it? Also, joining us, and I don't know if he has ever been lip synced on TikTok. A huge welcome back to Baratund, I thirst. Oh, this is where I express gratitude and excitement about being here with you. Insert gratitude and excitement, module. It's good to be back here with you, Buglers, I too am coming to you from a shed

this one in Northeast Los Angeles. And I know what I'm spending the rest of the day doing. I am going to find all previous appearances of Nishkumar on the Bugle podcast. I'm going to lip sync them on my brand new Tik Tok account. My life has purpose. Thank you. How have you been about to the house? How's 2021 feels like 2020, the overtime edition?

I'm fully acknowledging that it's a different year because so many things feel the same, but so far so okay, I think. Yeah, we'll tighten it. I remain cozy free and able to pay the rent, which are massive signs of life success. These are the hashtag life goals we've all been seeking. And yeah, I'm relatively healthy of mental and physical types. I'm glad to be here with you all. And you know, we got rid of the be fouling president

we had since the last time I appeared with you, so that is most definitely progress. I'm kind of relieved to not be obsessing or fearing news headlines quite as much as I did. It's a strange thing to feel stalked by the news. We are recording on the 26th of February 2021 today, apparently it's Carpe Diem day. Now if my study of Latin at school and university serves me well, Carpe Diem means complain and then die, which is good advice for life and also for doing a satirical comedy. On the 27th of February, 1951, the 22nd Amendment of the US Constitution limiting presidents to two terms was ratified. Recent evidence suggests that, well, certainly in some cases, that was two terms too many

and possibly a re-amendment of that is due. Also, we're going to discover on Monday, this is quite exciting, whether the 29th of February, the Renown once every four years, leap year bonus day will happen or not this year, because generally, the 29th of February happens in Olympic years, and the Olympics was delayed from last year to this year. So, 29th of February's have taken place in 2016, 2012, 2008, 2004, 2000. And indeed, all years with the Summer Olympics back to 1904. So, we will soon know if leap years are related to Olympics or just the calendar. There's any other crazy theory you may have heard. Anyway, watch this space, figure is. On the 28th of February 1939,

the erroneous word, Dored, was discovered in Webster's new international dictionary. Prompting an investigation, the error, apparently, was caused by a note being wrongly interpreted. It was included as a word meaning density, as opposed to density being one of the words for which the uppercase D or lowercase D was an abbreviation. So it got into the dictionary and it took about 15 years to fully remove it from the dictionary, the word, Dored meaning density. But what other words could have slipped into the dictionary by mistake? We investigate here at the bugle, could now common words such as sausage be similar printing errors sausage could very well be an abbreviation for essay usage

with essay being an acronym for surplus arses our words like pelican cucumber and janitor accidental forgeries does putrid actually mean the lace of a tennis shoe and should kettle actually be wazak and vice versa You decide as always a section of the bugle is going straight in the bin this week, a corporate business section, and we're all about corporate business here at the bugle. And while we're looking at, while the corporate world and fake reviews on big corporate website,

I'm going to go and concern about the number and sophistication of fake reviews for products sold by large online retailers. We're going to help train you to spot the bogus review Beogus now not obviously not all reviews can be trusted as readers of the observer newspaper in August 2000 would no doubt testify after reading about a young British stand-up comedian who was described as Grindingly mediocre and yet who has gone on in just two decades to develop a moderately adequately successful career in radio podcasting

on cricket statistics. So don't trust all the reviews that you read. So the challenge for you, Bueglars, can you spot the fake review of a teapot from these reviews? Is it review A? This is a nice looking teapot, which does the job and looks the part. The tea comes out hot and wet, which is all you can ask for. Is it review B?

Disappointed. The instructions did not specify that you're not supposed to drink directly from the spout. Is it review C? This teapot changed my life after just two brews. I became four times as attractive to all sexes, and one week on I can now bench 580, speak 12 languages, communicate with the dead just by offering them a cuppa, and know all the lyrics to the entire er of British rock legends deaf leopard without ever having listened to their music.

Or is it review D? Last were allowed to use teapots in Britain again after four decades in which Brussels made us brew our tea and colander. The answers will come next week. And can you spot the one review of the children's book, Spot the Dog? That is actually a review of Spot the Dog. Is it review A? This is easily Joseph Conrad's most depressing and unsettling book. Is it Review B? Recommended? Instantly improved my ability to identify what is and what is not a dog. Is it Review C? My JL-421 Bedonker Donk Tank was delivered promptly, approved unsuitable for combat use, two stars. Or was it Review D? I needed a book about STD's lesson learned, always read beyond the first letter of words.

Spot the dog was no help to me whatsoever. Answers next week. Top story this week. Vaccine roll out begins. Well globally this is very exciting news. COVID the virus which has proved such a disappointingly tenacious little shit over the past year and a bit. So stubbornly reluctant to give into the kind of short term is grandstanding political bombast that so many countries

have come to depend on to work their way through difficulties could be set to face its toughest opponent yet belated global cooperation. Because the COVAX scheme has begun, the global initiative aimed at achieving something vaguely approaching equitable access to COVID vaccines for the less economically advanced, advantage nations of the world. Provided, of course, there's still enough for some countries to get one over on other rival countries, for example, Germany, by finding one aspect to the virus, we can not spectacularly

f*** up more than anyone else. So, I mean, Nish, you are a global vaccination correspondent and have been since the very first time you appeared on this show. Indeed I have. I've been waiting for this portfolio to be approved. This is, it's interesting news. This whole project tells us quite a lot about the world in general, both its good points and its bad points. Yeah, I mean, the positive headlines, which we should open with under the current climate of general providing gloom, is that 600,000 doses of the AstraZeneca vaccine have arrived in Ghana and making Ghana the first country to receive coronavirus vaccines through the Covax vaccine sharing initiative.

Now, my first question is, guys, why are we giving them the vaccines and why they not coming from Wakanda? I've seen Black Panther. There's absolutely no way that that guy wasn't able to knock up some sweet viruses and put them in vibranium vials. Secondly, Andy, let's take a moment and enjoy the fact that this is a good new story that involves the West bringing viruses to Africa and it's not ending in everyone dying. That is, that is not historically where the direction of travel that that has got. White people turning up with viruses has not traditionally ended well for people of my skin hue and darker, frankly. It's been an

absolute shit show. There is a sort of story that's been bubbling under in the last couple of weeks in Britain about how certain black and minority ethnic groups are having a lower than expected vaccine turnout. Now obviously, as a member of a minority ethnic group living in Britain, I want to make it clear that I will absolutely be taking the vaccine when it's offered to me. I can't wait. I'm just going to shove it up my ass and hope for the best. Okay. I'm excited to receive the vaccine. However, white people do need to understand that we are not exactly crying wolf here. And

there is something ancestorsly concerning about a white guy approaching you saying, I'm just going to put some disease in you. It will definitely be fine this time. Well, you're all trial skims have a few teams in trouble. Let's even if they were a couple hundred years ago. What box? No, never mind. Yes. Oh, that's great. I've been, what I've been concerned about the language of the Kovacs situation. And maybe it's an English to American English translation. But when I read the Kovacs scheme,

that doesn't inspire a load of confidence. It sounds conspiratorial and a fairie is. And I sense a bit of backpading by British press about this rollout. A Ghana nation of 30, 31 million people is getting 600,000 doses of the remaindered vaccines. And it's just I think for any colonial power or former real progress is when you start with the former colonies and work your way back, rather than waiting to give the left over vaccines to those who you've ruled over and determined the fate of and in some ways. On the side, aside from this scheme to spread vaccines around the world, rich and powerful countries have been tying up and stoppiling their supplies first, because, well, I mean, let's be, we were far-sighted enough to have become rich and powerful in the first place.

And what would have been the point of that if we don't cash in our membership benefits at club global privilege and club inequitous legacies of history, when we need to, you know, that's just how these things work. The World Health Organization has warned that the inequitable vaccine distribution could extend the pandemic and cause avoidable long-term economic and travel disruption for years and years, as well as potentially facilitating the rise of more funky and fruity new COVID variants. But still, from a British perspective, we're winning! We are winning! Go Team G8R Syringe Layden Dust World! we are winning. Team GP.

That is the most enthusiasm I've seen from a British person outside of a football arena in quite some time. It's true emotion, amazing. I guess one question is, yeah, why are generic versions of these successful vaccines not being manufactured all over the world already. And I guess the answer to that would be

we won the f***ing Cold War. So free markets. That's actually the answer we give to quite a lot of questions actually. What would you be having for lunch? Anything I f***ing won, we won the f***ing Cold War. How many roads must a man walk down? Before you could go, well, I'll walk down before you can go?

I'll walk down any roads I want Bob Dylan, because we won the fucking Cold War. It is very depressing because I would have thought the one lesson we would have learned from this entire, let's call it what it is, shitshow, is that we are all interconnected. And our success and relative health surely depends on us at least taking an interest in our fellow man's success and relative health whether that be

at home or abroad. You know, in a world where we travel more and more, the fact that we might not be able to do that should be a sort of real start lesson learned. But we are basically like across between Ebenezer Scrooge and Guy Pearson Momento. We just keep being visited by ghosts, but we cannot remember what the ghost said. Every Christmas morning, we wake up and think, you know what? This year, I'm going to tattoo it on my body next year. I'm going to tattoo it on my body. I'm thinking it might have been something about, um, uh, be less generous, and that way you'll become an absolute legend. But I think that's what that's the gist of it.

Anyway, I'll keep going with that. And then next year, somebody remind me to write it. Fucking down. Yeah, we do tend to get in our own way a bit. And if of all of this, I remember the beginning of the pandemic. It was so naive sounding where COVID's going to bring us all together. This is the alien invasion we need to unite our disparate tribes. And now it's just like every person for themselves just flinging babies to the waistside to get

a hold of that jab. It doesn't matter. We have forgotten all of that. And it doesn't bode well for the climate change cooperation. Then like climate change is like you have no idea what I am capable of. If you couldn't handle a little flu, what do you think I'm gonna do to you?

In other very exciting vaccine news, a man from Liverpool was offered a COVID vaccine after a clerical error and an automated computer system led to his local surgery thinking that he was significantly overweight, well more was significantly overweight. Well, more than significant overweight, he was 1,000 times over the recommended weight for his height, which they had recorded as 6.2 centimeters and not as it should have been 6 foot 2 inches. I mean, I think this is one of the greatest stories to have emerged from this crisis,

possibly the most extreme case of small man syndrome in real life. It gave him a body mass index of 28,000, which is 1,000 times the recommended healthy level. For a man of six foot two, a BMI of 28,000 would work out if I've done the mass correctly, which I might have done, as weighing approximately 90 tons, or in everyday pollens, five shipping containers

full of marshmallows, four luxury motor homes, three elephants, two Lancaster bombers, and the Partridge family in a peterie. Yeah, this is a story, there's very few, and I think maybe this is the first unequivocally funny piece of COVID news. There is just no downside to this story whatsoever. The whole story is basically a guy nearly got a vaccine because everyone thought he was basically a whole bunch of tanks.

And no one's getting hurt by this story. It's a real relief that no one at the Dr. Cedri at any point had gone down and gone, oh, it's one of our patients of man or a small planet. I mean, I read this story and I had a different response. Though I like your take, Nish. I was more concerned about the massive intelligence failure, which allowed one of MI6's most notorious experiments to go so wrong. A tiny little future man, six centimeters tall,

made entirely a tungsten and neptunium and other heavy metals, a key asset in the war on terror, a war for freedom, outed by the British tabloids, in an attempt to undermine the strength of that great nation, that won the fucking Cold War. So, I'm pouring some out for the lost military asset. Yeah. The queen got jammed this week, which suggests we do not have a lot of faith

in our national anthem. That's it. That's a wrap. You have to cut right there. There's nothing more that can be said ever in the United Kingdom. That's it. That's really good. The end.

The UK. The UK is, well, we're making our way towards the other side of the crisis. And Boris Johnson, our Prime Minister, published what I described as a road map out of lockdown. It's going to be, lockdown's going to be lifted in four stages. The code names of the four stages are, oh, shit, a fucking hell, Jesus. And, damn, fucks sake. And hopefully we'll be at full gav-fuck's sake

by the end of June. And, Nish, I know you're a massive fan of roadmaps of all sorts. How do you see a Johnson's road map to a post-COVID world? This is a very interesting road map because it's one of the few roadmaps that involves the direction, turn left at the massive f***ing pile of dead bodies.

And try not to look too hard at them or think too much about the cost and toll that this is taken on the entire country. Yeah, look, obviously I am trying to see the upside to all of this and there is a definite upside. We have a road map that in four stages leads us June the 21st to being fully out of lockdown. And I'm trying to be more positive about this. If for no other reason, other than last week, my agent said to me, I have to stop calling you because you're really bumming me out. And there was then a pause on the line and she said, Oh, on second thoughts, you never answer emails.

And that is a very sobering conversation to have to have with someone where your own administrative incompetence is so pungent that it's causing someone to have a really negative impact on their own mental health in order to do the basic credits of their job. It does not reflect well on me quite frankly. Well, in California, what's the, the path to the future looking like?

I think we're going to recall our governor. We're at a different, we have a different sort of road map in California. It involves no one being able to afford a place to live, it involves a remaining contingent of trumpites who don't believe in anything except mass death and destruction and it involves an embarrassing loss of discipline by our governor some months ago which he will never escape when he went to a fine dining restaurant technically outside looked like it was inside and that one move is getting people signing up to recall him from his office. So a little different in California. A lot of money, not evenly distributed.

We're going to do just fine, is what I'm saying. For the remaining Californians who haven't fled to Texas, that was a strange move, given what's happened in that state recently. It's interesting times. And I have to say, I had ridiculed your prime minister, well, since I ever heard of him, and I thought, there's nothing Bojo can do right. And maybe that's true, but the idea that he exceeded my very low expectations, and you actually have this roadmap, and he's not yet in real jail jail, I've got to eat my words a little bit.

Like he's done less horrifically than I anticipated, at least from over here. less horrifically than I anticipated. At least from over here. Texas news now and, well, Ted Cruz, Baratunde, living, breathing insults, everything good and precious about life has found himself under criticism once again. Because firstly, I mean, there's a couple of size history. story, whilst the big freeze was happening in Texas, the state of which he is for whatever reason, a senator, it was in the grip of an enveloping icy catastrophe and he, in layman's terms, f**ked right off with his family for a few days in sunny Mexico. Not really sort of projecting the we're all in this together vibe, more the f**king, I'm Ted f***ing cruise vibe. And also

during the opening testimony of the Senate hearing into the Capitol riots, he was not only wearing an eye help facilitated deadly assault on my own workplace t-shirts and a f***ed democracy bandana, but he was also dicking around with his phone suggesting his mind was not entirely on the job. I mean, is this all part of his early campaign for 2024 presidential election to project himself as being so much of a f***** that he could even supplant Trump in the affections of the Trump-Pikes approach? Here's what's happening in the United States. We are more divided than we've been since the actual Civil War.

We have different views of truth and reality, the Fox News universe, the actual universe. We've got violence at our US Capitol, we've got families that have been ripped apart ideologically, spiritually. And despite all that, the one thing we can come together around is f***ed at Cruz. It's a universal truism. Even his friends hate him. Even his constituents. Like, why did I, why did I

vote for that? I really, I really f***ing hate Ted Cruz. And what's beautiful about Ted Cruz, he's not so much a man as a sort of opportunity for us to find that common ground that is so inaccessible of late. And just when you thought it can't get any darker in America, we can't get more divided, we can't get more hurt.

He goes and reminds us that we can unite against him. So I am, I'm somewhat grateful for his commitment to Tom Fulery and embarrassment and shamelessness. And at the top all of that with his trip to Mexico, he blamed his daughter. You know at the end of the day, like that's when you realize like, oh, father of the year also, just that my my daughter wanted it and like a good dad, he had blamed it on the institution of fatherhood as opposed to his own choices. So that's, I'm grateful for Ted Cruz's existence because it gives me something to agree with

insurrectionist over. I also have a positive. I got to find that's overlining when I came. The clouds are dark. One aspect of the Mexico store, I particularly liked was the neighbors of his, hired a mariachi band to play out some of these house. Maximum trolling. Oh, that's good.

That's good. And that's the sort of civic engagement and community spirit we've been missing in this country. It's all incredible. It's all incredible. And about a day, what are you hitting the mouth so aggressively on the head when you said that everybody hates him?

Because obviously the only reason we have had this confirmed, because obviously people saw him at the airport and were like, is that fucking Ted Cruz getting on a plane to fucking Mexico? So immediately took five hours of him because they all hate him. But the reason that we've had it all confirmed is because one of his wife's friends leaked the text messages. So even people, even people who he is friends enough to be in WhatsApp groups with think he's an asshole.

And what's amazing about is Ted Cruz's hypocrisy at this point is one of the naturally occurred wonders of the world because the man's capacity for self-awareness is almost minus 1,000. He went on a conservative podcast and said of the decision of his wife's friends to leak the text. He criticized the action and said, just you know, treat each other as human beings, have to some degree some modicum of respect. And that is like Jack the Ripper accusing someone of making a sexist joke. That is thermonuclear hip hop scene from the cruise rights. Which is a very, it's arguably the most sustainable energy resource in the world, but just self perpetuating. We found a call fusion through Ted Cruz and theocracy engine. Just on his phone while

someone was talking about what it was like to police during the riots that he f**king started and that immediately afterwards guy got a podcast and say, guys, can we just? What RIP decorum? There's going to be a revelation, maybe through one of Nish's government panels, that Ted Cruz is in fact the greatest actor of all time. He's been spending his whole life in the method acting role of a lifetime. And he never was a real thing. He was sent here to troll us all and somewhat bring us together. I can't imagine during the 9-11 hearings any member, elected member of Congress of the Senate not paying full attention. Like that would just be it. That would be your career would be over. So we've grown clearly as a nation in our capacity to tolerate in humanity. It's yeah. He was accused of having zero respect about by scrolling through his phone during

this testimony, which to be fair to cruise, would be a career best having never managed to get above active disrespect for other people before so that's you know at least that's progress getting up to zero And before before you go baritone there was is a question for you. Can you explain these words? I'm gonna give you a kind of multiple choice question only the strong will survive and the weak will perish are they? The tagline for a new action movie horn slayer starring Matt Damon? Of course, it's a movie Matt Damon's in it. Dwayne the Rock Johnson, Helen Mirren, a deep fake Greta Garbo's and alien robot and the unborn child of Harry and

Megan as DI fetus. Are those words only the strong will survive and the week will perish? The post match comments of cricket pundits analys analyzing England's latest defeat to India. Are they see the full backed tattoo found on the body of Charles Darwin in the new TV series Celebrity Exhumation? Or are they D? What the mayor of Colorado, City and Texas said to people wanting help amidst the cataclysmic winter storms? I'm going to go with all the above. Because I want all of them to be true, but sadly it's D. I love. Because I want all of them to be true, but sadly it's D. Oh my goodness. Yeah, this was an unsurprising moment.

I think what's remarkable about my nation and I have to, as I criticize the United States of America, fully embrace it, because I was born here, I'm a product of this place as well. So my country, Tizzif the sweet land of something. We have done such an effective propaganda job that people who are elected to government, which is like a collective will of the people,

rant against the very premise of government. People whose job it is to extend assistive hands to their neighbors, tell those neighbors, go, pick yourself up with your own damn hands. It's, it's, it's someone who's works at a social service agency, yelling at the people in line, why are you asking for help from the social service agency? Go get a job. And so the rant of this now former mayor, um, against the people of the Republic of Texas, who always want to think they're a little bit something special, a little bit something I want apart from the

rest of us and they were in a sad way last week. Just said what a lot of the propaganda has been teaching us that you're on your own. We have no pity for you. It's your own fault if you don't have power or drinkable water and you must not love your family enough. If you can't figure out how to unfreeze a natural gas refinery and get power flowing to your block, Jesus must not care for you enough. If you can't figure out how to move that arctic wave back up to Canada where it belongs. I'm sorry, I don't make the rules here. So good luck, citizens.

We've reached the point of the podcast, but we have to talk about cricket and therefore we're going to start you off. I accept your determination. It's actually rather compassionate. Thank you very much for joining us up to the cricket part of the show. It's been an absolute delight to have you have you won. Have you got any other shows that you can all listen to? Yeah, I'm looking forward to a new series called Only The Strong Will Survive and The Week Will Parish. It is the great contributions of Nish Kumar to the British people and the entire United Kingdom.

I am, if anyone's of a clubhouse app, you can find me there. If you don't know what I'm talking about, congratulations to you for having a life. And I will be on the Brian Williams program on March 4th in the United States, and I'm sure versions of it wind up on the global, avatorial platform and Democracy Under Mining Service known as YouTube.

So you can also find me there. Otherwise, baritunde.com is the best place to locate me and my digital wears Good thanks. I love to see you again. Thanks for having me. Thank you. Buglers long live The bugle I guess I'm gonna Thanks, well, yeah, that's the one thing it is quite good at This is classic Brexit Brit you do not show interest in things we're interested in we will deport you from podcasts Don't like cricket. Sling your hook brother. Great, well now we've got rid of Baratona. We can move on to the story that really matters. Crickets, Nish, Result, and Kumar Darby. Well actually to be fair, the Nishkumar Darby.

It's India v England. How would you fare on the Tebbit test? There was a famous thing in the 1980s, Norman Tebbit, who was a pretty right-wing conservative home secretary, talked about the Tebbit test and how immigrants from cricket playing former colonial partners, that's what we say, now living in England, should support England that cricket. And it was described as the Tebbit test. Now obviously it's painting me ridiculous because it's cricket. It doesn't really matter. It's poor. You can, you know, support who you want. It's part of your family heritage. You don have to abandon everything about a country when you move to another country and also

Supporting England cricket in the 1980s was a fucking bad idea Because England lost to countries that didn't even exist. I'm pretty sure though. I'm we managed to lose We lost I think to the Probably to the Vatican. I think I've some rematch from Henry the eighth days. We definitely lost to the Netherlands. It was, I mean, it was, I mean, and let's say no more about the 86, 87 test series again to Narnia. Boy, I'd point, boy, I'd point, can Aslan back. Who?

Wildly egotistical propaganda, adult politicians debase themselves in the greatest sport ever invented news now because in our medabad it was played in a brand new stadium, a 110,000 capacity cricket stadium, the second biggest stadium in the world after I think the Rundrado Fourth of May Stadium in Piong Yang which claimed 150,000 capacity, although it's North Korea, it could just be two benches, next to a pond. It was namely Sada Patel Stadium after one of the founding heroes of independent India, and it became on the morning of the first cricket match played in the stadium since it was rebuilt, this vast new arena on the morning of the India England third test.

It became renamed as the Narendra Modi Stadium and the capacity was miraculously bumped up to 132,000. They managed to find 22,000 extra seats somehow, according to Wikipedia. And I think they might have even tinkered around with the Wikipedia page. Now the biggest stadium in the world, because now Rung Rado stadium in Pyeongyang is listed as 115,000 official capacity. And it's this, I mean, niche. Essentially what we've got here is a part-time incidental sports facility and a full-time giant propaganda tool for a religious nationalist takeover of a once secular country. And as a result, clearly England were off put and didn't play very well at all and lost the game in a day

and a half. Yeah, England really took their protests against Narendra Modi. I would say arguably too far for the roundgird. They really refused to play, it was an interesting protest in that they steadfastly refused to play one reasonable shot across the two innings. And you've got to admire that level of protest, Andy. The stadium, like I said, is now, well, it's either first or second in your list of biggest stadiums in the world. Number three to ten in the list of college sports stadiums in the USA. And then, I suggest maybe America takes students playing sport a little bit too seriously. Why are they bigger than the professional stadiums?

To understand what is the logic behind that America? They're obviously worse. And next is the Melbourne Cricket Ground, the MCG home of the first test cricket match ever played in 1877. Coincidentally, that's exactly 52,580 days ago, and that's 4.5 billion seconds for our young listeners. The new Ahmedabad Stadium previously hosted the Namaste Trump event a year ago this week when Modi's fellow S S. K. P. from the bottle of democracy is surprisingly deep barrel Donald Trump visited India and mispronounced cricket as names like the irredeemable And that's really when you hopped off board was there.

When he mispronounced such in Tendulkar's name, that was really when Salsam was like, you know what, I was on the fence, but now... Trump. Yes, I mean, when you name a brand new stadium after a current serving politician, it does suggest that it's quality as a sportsman. He's not absolutely number one in your culture. Well, before you wrap up, since we mentioned Boris Johnson,

he's an interesting thing this week, Nishie, expressed feelings of guilt about his previous life as a journalist. He said that he felt a little bit guilty for some of the things that he'd written. He was speaking to a school journalist. He said, when you're a journalist, it's a great, great job. It's a great profession. But the trouble is that sometimes you find yourself always abusing people or attacking

people. Now, Mr. Johnson, without wishing to tell you how to do your former job, that's not really journalism, is it? That is being a c*** with a column. Those are very, very different jobs, very different skill sets. And as someone who has occupied the second of those two jobs, I can tell you, it bears no resemblance to actual journalism. Yes, it was a very strange thing that Johnson said. He was at a school talking to children about careers. And I mean, statistically putting Boris Johnson in a school classroom with some children,

it is likely he fathered at least one of the children in that classroom. Due to his, I believe, medical medically diagnosed sexual incontinence, I think that's the name of the children in that class due to his, I believe, medical medically diagnosed sexual incontinence. I think that's the name of the condition. He said, I was a journalist for a long time. I still am really, I still write stuff. When you're a journalist, it's a great job, but the trouble is you sometimes, you find yourself always abusing people or attacking people. Not that you want to abuse them or attack them, but you'll be in critical. Maybe you feel sometimes a bit guilty about that because you haven't put yourself in the place of the person you're criticizing and so I thought I

give it a go. So what Johnson seems to be saying, it's certainly the way that this has been interpreted in the press is it's more an attack on journalists, you know, doing the bare minimum of their jobs in holding the government to account and scrutinizing the prime minister's conduct since the start of the coronavirus thing. But, okay, so even if we take that as what Johnson felt that he wanted to get in the game and he felt that he was criticizing people in power, so he needed to take power, how does that relate to any of the following comments? In his 1998 column in the telegraph, Boris Johnson described gay men as tank top bumboys.

Writing in the spectator in 2000, he spoke of Labour's appalling agenda, encouraging the teaching of homosexuality in schools and all the rest of it. In a 2002 column in the spectator, he wrote an article entitled, Africa is a mess, but we can't blame colonialism. And perhaps most memorably, in 2002, he wrote a column in the telegraph in which he described black people as picking innings with water melon smiles. Now, how the f*** does that have the first f***ing thing to do with anything you were talking about? You ridiculous vile f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing f***ing Another couple of things to alert you to. The gargle launched this week, the Bugle magazine supplement show hosted by Alice Fraser, the first issue features Tom Ballard and Alison

Spittle. Also on the 27th of March we have another Bugle live stream live show, tickets available from all reputable internet and well we've got we're sorting out apparently I've been reliably informed some new merch for our premium voluntary subscribers so if you want to get a chance to get the old merch before the new merch comes in subscribe now if you want. Nish anything to plug? Yes, I, Andy, I finally realized my eventual dream of becoming a recording artist. I'm releasing two albums on March the 19th, finally realizing my, my dream. They are, the two albums are the recordings of the last two touring shows that I did one in 2016 and one in 2019 and they're called, it's in your nature to destroy yourselves

parts one and part two and that's available on the internet. I think it's available and this is going to be a real change of pace for bugle listeners around the world, legally everywhere. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha tuning for that is a fantastic charity and I will be asking questions about sports. What more do you people want? We will now play you out with some lies about our premium level volunteers subscribers to join them and to book tickets for the Bugle Live livestream show on the 27th of March go to the Bugle Podcast dot com. Keirin Castellino feels sorry for non-migratory birds and wonders if interspecies jealousy between birds which toaddle off somewhere else for the winter and birds which stick it out through

the dark and icy months is one of the reasons that birds did not evalute into the world's leading super creaturesretures instead of apes. Some unknown as done talk can curse, as a long-standing avian disappointee. They've got all it takes to rule this planet, says done, the ability to fly, a hugely efficient means of giving birth, a more open-minded attitude to eating plentiful food supplies such as insects and worms, and an inbuilt capacity for aerial bombardment that accumins tens of thousands of years to replicate, but they just can't stop winging about each other's travel plans. Can they the birds?

Sarah Mawward once startled and attendant to the major art gallery by telling an entire tour party about an art movement called Penguinism, which she claimed involved Renaissance artists painting pictures of penguins as a form of protest against institutional corruption in the church, then painting over them with a picture of the baby Jesus. The entire movement was only discovered recently, Sarah explained to her audience thanks to extra technology and a newly found receipt signed by Caravaggio for a barrel of herring. Peter Scott briefly toyed with becoming a rapper after accidentally rhyming the word agriculture with the two words, angry culture, and instantly penning a fierce polemic about

the global impact of corporate agri business. However, when writing a verse about a corrupt policeman who fought baby farm animals for sport, Peter found himself rhyming, combine harvester with the cop swine calf wrestler and rightly abandoned the project. Phil Ridley used to be convinced that time travel would never be invented, but then again that was when he lived in the year 3539 in the British capital city of Zoltzden on Thames, so cut him some slack, I mean I used not to believe in intergalactic travel and yet here I am earthlings.

And finally, Jay Burke's firmly believes the world needs more paradoxes, but thinks it's now become impossible to create them. Oh hang on, just hang on there everyone. Yes, there it is, oh but hang on again. By concocting that one, Jay has disproved the second part of it, thus leaving the world still in need of more paradoxes. and Jay once more believes it has indeed now become impossible to create them. Hang on again. Oh no. Hang on again. Oh no.

Hang on again. Oh no. Hang on again. Oh no. Hang on again. Oh no. you