The Bugle - The Best Of The Bin: Part 1

Episode Date: August 24, 2022

Andy introduces your picks for the best of In The Bin, including from the first ever episode (it evolved quite strongly from there. Including bin bound contributions from episodes 1, 4035, 4080, 4049, 167, 4202 and 37.We're back with a new show next week. Please do come and see The Bugle live this autumn - with new dates set to be added! https://www.thebuglepodcast.com/live Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Dancelaguard fans, you will be thrilled to know a book is coming out if you fund it via Unbound. We are publishing the Dancelaguard Reader by Alice Fraser and Dancelaguard, a glorious insight into the world of Dancelaguard, self-published romance maven, and online bestseller. If you would like to find out how to support it, go to thebugelpodcast.com. If we get enough support, we will publish the book. That's a real thing that's going to happen. Thebugelpodcast.com to support the Danciler Guard Reader. A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A- Audio newspaper for a visual world! Hello, Buglers, and welcome to the final sub-episode of our Summer Hiatus 2022 and what a hiatus it has been. This week, the best of the bin.

The section in the bin has been a key part of the bugle ever since about three minutes into its existence when the first section went straight in the bin. This week, we present you some of the finest rejected sections from almost 15 years of bugling and on the subject of 15 years of bugling we have added an extra show in London to our 15th anniversary tour. That's on the 22nd of October also at the Leicester Square Theatre. The 15th of October show has now sold out. We also have shows in Birmingham on the 27th of October Glasgow on the 30th of October and Dublin on the 3rd of November. To get tickets go to the google podcast.com and click the live

link at the top or just search on the internet or ask someone nicely. But now the best of the bin at part one. We've enjoyed putting this together so much that we're saving part two for a future sub-episode. And to begin our first selection of the best of the bin, let's go back to the very first section in the bin. Way back in 2007, an episode one of what has become the world's leading and only audio newspaper for a visual world. As with any newspaper even an audio newspaper like this, some sections do go straight in the bin today, those sections are the travel section, will people please stop going to keep the airport it was designed by a heronamous boss. Just recycled and also in the bin is the special lifestyle section you and your stationery. Why is it in there and that is a needlessly

heavy piece of sound. of sound. As always, some sections of the bugle are going straight in the bin, including our exclusive bugle Glaston Breer Review. We look at some of the less well-known rock and pop acts who wowed the crowds at Glaston this year, including Juggernautica. The pioneers of haulage rock, the jugs were back at the farm for the first time since 2004, with new this year, the former lead driver of truckylands, another lollipaste rock band. Of course, Juggernautica, the first band in Glastars, me history,

to use a fully functioning articulated lorries and instrument on stage. And they're big hit, no worries when you're in my lorries. That went down an absolute storm. Also, the jury 12 great bands, former jury from a long running fraud case, formed as an accapella band during two and a half years of rather dry technical testimony

in which they started singing close-harmonies of bits of evidence to keep their attention in their minds. And anyway, was the last time you went to a music festival. What do you think happens there? What do you think actually happens? Do you think every band is a concept band? Some kind of profession. Yep.

Mostly, I mean, that is generally what happens. Isn't it? Yeah. Yeah. I do go to there is an actual truck fest. You know this right? Oh, I don't know. I haven't I haven't ever been invited to truck fest

Well, I don't have a truck Yeah, where they just open up the back of trucks and they're the stages, right? So I've heard it's pretty rockin right if the trucks are rocking Does that work for other vehicles like a like a smaller a fiesta? Scooter fest Who's ticked van first? Van first, what? Scoot a fest. Scoot a fest played for the Boston Biddy's in the 1950s nursing home baseball league. I'd agree. The jury 12's, big hits. I don't care if you're innocent. I just want to go home. The evidence is all over your guilty face brackets like you got on a baby.

And Ali, bye bye. You can't really remember the 4th of December. And also, I mean, my personal favourites this year, oh, I'll be there, obviously didn't go. Grumple Stiltskins, the tantrum-based American Strop Rockers who smashed it up on the half-stage, with a 45-minute screamed version of their smash hit lost glob of chewing gum on the bustle of pain. So our Glacimary section in the bin, also in the bin,

well, related to another historic anniversary, it's the 10assen reception in the bin. Also in the bin, well, related to another historic anniversary, it's the 10th birthday of the iPhone. And then our special iPhone section in the bin, we look at where the iPhone will be in 10 years. And our scientists here at the Bugle are predicted that within 10 years the iPhone will be able not only to completely read your mind, but predictively writes all your emails and texts for you. You just have to trust the software. And if your iPhone 12 breaks off your marriage and hooks you up with an Uzbek cattle rancher instead,

well, I think we all agree in this day and age, your phone knows your f*** of a lot better than you do. iPhone's in 2020, seven will also be able to physically eat your loved ones and turn them into really realistic emojis. They'll be able to predict your entire life story and death to within 99.94% accuracy, saving you the hassle of worrying about the future and whether or not that tickly cough

is or isn't fatal. And your iPhone will be able to perform invasive surgery on you whilst you sleep. It will completely monitor your body so that you will wake up in the morning having already had your appendix locked out without even knowing you needed it. So exciting times for the future of iPhones. The iPhone turning turned. Is that mean that it's now turned as old as the children who make it?

That's pretty amazing. Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! As always, a section of the bugle is going straight in the bin.

Well, it isn't this week. There is no section in the bin. Life is in the bin. Ah! Ah! Oh, God! This is what I was worried about. Well at least I have some cricket on but we're being stuffed by the South Africans again. Now as always some sections

of the bugle are going straight. Where? Good point well mate. In the bin! Good point, well made. In the bin, this week, keep fit section. Who here is attempting to keep fit at the moment? Very few of you, good, the rest of you, heroes. We already can't afford pensions. The last thing we need is people living longer and healthier lives. But if you are into that, we review the latest Keep Fit accessories, including the Breeze Block Bandana. It really works up your neck muscles. The trampoclean, which is a

bounce up and down whilst doing the dishes on the trampoclean, you simply place your trampoclean next to the sink and then wash and dry your dirty crockery and glassware whilst giving yourself a good bit of a boring. And that burns up more calories than death. Also, very good for your fitness, barking. Have you ever wondered why you never see a dog in a hospital? That's because... Barking is the healthiest activity known to humanity. Just 10 bouts of barking at a real perceived

or imagined threat to yourself home owner or sense of normality can burn off more calories than being a gladiator. And also opens up your epiprockles and lungle tubular's good and proper. And also... It's got to be a better bark, not that shouting bark. That is not.

Put some fucking effort in for fuck's sake. That's the problem with you, you train a dog using subtitles. Those sections in the bin. As always, the section of the bugle is going straight in the bin. This week, the Country Music Awards section, hot on the heels of my visit to Nashville, Tennessee, they're holding the annual Country Music Awards. Interesting place, Nashville, incidentally. For those of you who don't know, it's my first time there, and I had not

known before or when. What Nashville has, you wouldn't necessarily expect a city in Tennessee, USA to have in the year 2017, is a full scale replica of the Parthenon, the famous ancient Greek temple that sits proudly on top of the Acropolis in Athens, it was built in 1897 for the Nashville exposition and it's still there. I mean, it's quite fascinating, Anuva, one of these relics from time gone by, but clearly Nashville sat around in the late 19th century and thought, well, we're a growing city. What do we need? What is going to see us through the next few thousand years? Any ideas? How about a fucking path and all? Why not? Big awards at the country music awards. There's always a lot of speculation over who's

going to take away the big gongs, including biggest hats, most hats, least original song, best beard to hat ratio, most objectively sinister lyric about a young woman that is always very hotly contested and least original album as well. So there's some very tightly thought categories. Some of the big stars of country are performing live including Hinckley Struggins, he'll be singing his hit song, I'll give my soul to the devil but he ain't getting hold of my truck. And Grave on Hudge showing the influence of Donald Trump with his recent country chart number one, I'll build my wall around your heart though because I've seen you looking at Riccardo. Anyway, those

sections in the bin. As always, a section of the bugle is going straight to the min, this week an exclusive supplements to Martha E. Return of the Hitz Emmy award-winning early 20th century costume drama Downton Abbey. Now there you are, did you meet the Downton Abbey crew at the Emmys, John? No, but I did see the weirdest juxtaposition on stage that whole night was Julian Fellows, the writer of DowntonAvy, standing next to the cast of Entourage, and it was clear that neither side really understood what the other one was doing with their face. I prefer to think of Julian Fellows as the host of the rightly short-lived BBC 3 comedy panel show, Nevermind the Full

Stop, so panel show. I'm totally based on punctuation and grammar. How did that not work? That had no stream for exactly more over it. How did that not work? That had no streams of sex and war over it. Why did fellows not get the Emmy for that? And yeah, he does get it down to, it's down to now be big in America, John. I definitely don't care. Anyway, well, so here's our exclusive supplements with spoilers on the second series.

With war raging across Europe, can Lord Grantham complete the Times Crossword and point at a tree before it's too late. Will the scandal of the slightly over-tosted toast ever be satisfactorily resolved? Will Bates ever recover from having a sip of water? Will Old Mrs. Crowley and the oxygenary and Dowager Countenus ever get it on? Will Butler cast the mid to dipping his trungler in the soup just to see what it was like? Will Lady Fortgill recover from her embarrassing flatulence in front of Lord Scryphant, and what was Assistant Sub-Vellate paying forth going on about when he started screaming

about tearing the hearts out of Virgin's and scratchs and sacrificing them to be Elsie Bob. Plus, how will the family react to the shocking discovery that Lady Ethel has of a All coming up in series two of the un-missive all-down to Navi. Oh such class-based drama. As always, a section of the bugle is going straight in the bend. This week, a natural world section to help the natural world fight back in its battle against the bad luck of biodiversity destruction. We at the bugle have teamed up with the organization for the introduction of new creatures

or Ike to give you Bugle as the chance to choose a new hybrid to be bred in captivity and released into the wild. The world has already seen wonderful hybrid creatures entertaining and thrall millions, the Mule, the Tygon, the Larger, which is a llama, Tyga hybrid, the sausage dog, the mermaid, the horse, chest mermaid, the horse,

Jessna, the buffoon, cross between a buffalo and a raccoon, the snake, which of course is half worm, half crocodile, the widgeon, cross between a whale and a pigeon, which of course itself is a cross between the pig and the camajan, no wonder the crab might go. You can choose from one of not one, not two, but five contenders for the new hybrid to be unleashed on the world in spring of 2022. Contender A, the Zebrillium, the Zebra Chameleon cross that can flip the colour and pattern of its stripes to order. Contender B, the Bumble Vulture, do you like birds of prey but wish you could hear them coming? This fuzzy but carrying hungry B scavenger

cross could be the one for you. Never again be surprised when a car patchy-o-addicted raptor swoops down to feast on your local carcass. Also, stripy. Contender C, the Labra Dolphin, lovable loyal doggy, but with added aquatic functionality and sonar, sign me up.

Contender D, the Tyrannosaurus ferret, fairly self-explanatory, and Contender E, the Anaconda Minium, Partsnake, Pater Partsnblok. Let us know your preferred creature, and the winning entries will receive one daddy gamut, one mummy gamut, and a deluxe silk lined Bluetooth enabled auto womb to grow them in. Do please send us pictures of the results. Also, in our natural world section, Fossil of the Week, and this week our Fossil of the results. Also, in our natural world section, Fossil of the Week.

And this week, our Fossil of the Week is Geraldine, an 8cm long 420 million year old trailer bite from modern day Portugal, much missed by all who knew her. Geraldine sadly did not live to see her beloved Portugal in the 2016 European Football Championships, but nonetheless was proud to be an author-pod and a member of one of the most successful and long-lasting classes of animal ever to grace his famous planet. Whilst little is known of her personal life, she is thought to have been a keen swimmer, an owner and user of a very natty exoskeleton, who was highly skilled in the use of antennae. While some of her lifestyle choices and world views may seem dated to our modern tastes, Geraldine seems to have lived a happy life,

and been an valued member of the trilobiteabout community and although she guarded her privacy tightly, she never once complained about being preserved for eternity in rock and hounded in death by the paleontologist. Geraldine is our fossil of the week. That section in the bin. As always, some sections of the bugle straight into being this week a home safety supplement, including advice on what to do if you fall off your sofa, one, stay calm, two, deploy your parachute if your sofa was by the door of an airplane. Three, spend a minute or two assessing the situation before you make your next move. Do not rush into action.

And four, call your local MP or government representative to ask him or her what they're planning to do about it. Also in the bin, a section on how to care for exotic pets. Including lions, if you have a lion, remember that lions like privacy. So make sure your lion has its own bedroom. He may miss home, so make sure he's set him up with a games console and a zebra hunting game. That should satisfy his blood less temporarily, but if he starts getting stroppy and demanding a kill, take him up to the local park to feed on the ducks. That's all for your best of the bin part one. We'll be back in the very near future with

a full episode of The Bugle as the United Kingdom looks forward excitedly to getting rid of its current Prime Minister and looks forward extremely unexcitedly to getting a new one plus everything else that's happening in the universe. Thank you for listening, don't forget to buy your tickets for all of our live shows, including that extra London date on the 22nd of October via the Beagle website, thebeaglepodcast.com, where you can also join the Voluntry of Fritz and Scheme and make a one-off or recurring contribution to help keep the Beagle free, thrashing and independent. Goodbye. you