The Bugle - The Bin King – Bugle 4096

Episode Date: February 9, 2019

Andy, Alice and Hari look at the State of the Union, and what a state it is. Plus, is a place in hell actually a privilege for a Brexiteer and Sweden has a new monarch.Also, emoji news and the latest on Producer Chris's broken arse.With@HelloBuglersAlice FraserHari Kondabolu@ProducerChrisMore episodes and info on our website: http://thebuglepodcast.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Dancelaguard fans, you will be thrilled to know a book is coming out if you fund it via Unbound. We are publishing the Dancelaguard Reader by Alice Fraser and Dancelaguard, a glorious insight into the world of Dancelaguard, self-published romance maven, and online bestseller. If you would like to find out how to support it, go to thebugelpodcast.com. If we get enough support, we will publish the book. That's a real thing that's going to happen. Thebugelpodcast.com to support the Danciler Guard Reader. A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A Audio newspaper for a visual world. HALO BUGLEURS and welcome to issue 4,096 of the Bugle the World's leading and only audio newspaper for a visual world. In his first day, the 7th of February, 2019 and I am Andy Zoltzmann here in London, a city

brazing itself for whatever it is, it turns out it's asked for, or not asked for, or had asked for it on its behalf by everyone else and vice versa. Confusing times here in London, I'm joined by the wonderful Alice Fraser. Hello, Annie, how are you? I'm well, thanks. 50 is 50 sleeps now till next time. I mean, I'm bracing myself even though I have no skin

in the game. I've been infected by the fear and or excitement of the people around me. Right, but luckily you have another hemisphere you can escape to. Ha ha, it'll let me out. It'll let me back in. Oh, I don't think Australia likes my style of comedy, Andy. Ha ha ha ha. Um, after you know, this is not a flawless country.

And a safe distance of one ocean away, but in a country that has its own political issues currently. Johnny us from New York, it's Harry Condomolo. It's own political issues currently. That's a bit of an undersell, isn't it? We're part of an understatement. Hey Andy here else. Hello. How's America? and that we're part of an understatement. Hey Andy heels.

Hello. So how's America? Very good. Every time you ask me questions like that, I know you're saying with some kind of mocking toner intent. It's terrible Andy, it's bad. It's not really mocking, just in these difficult times. We turn to each other, we are bonded.

In Britain and America, we are bonded through history by various things and at the moment we are bonded by our own political incompetence. We find shelter in each others. It's the sympathetic hand-class of somebody who you know has also shat themselves in public. How much research did you do for that? How much research did you do for that? We are recording on the 7th of February. February, of course, is a round month and Bugle is proudly supporting the charity fundraising month-based scheme of Fobuary in which you fob people off with half-ast answers to legitimate questions.

Britain's politicians have really got stuck into this month. Very much like one of those guys who grows a full set of Victorian mutton chops, bushy as two legitimate questions. Britain's politicians have really got stuck into this one this month. They're very much like one of those guys who grows a full set of Victorian mutton chops, bushy mistast and toot and calm and beard from November. And we are also supporting February, where we pledge to tell at least one fib every episode of this podcast for the entire month. Later in the year, other awareness months, including praypril, in which we will pray to a different god every day for an entire month to see what happens.

It's like those sample sizes are the cosmetic counters. Hinduism alone can cover that. Chulai, in which we will chew every bit of food, 32 times before swallowing it. Snorgest, where we promise to be as dull as possible for an entire month, which is some challenge. Obstructember, where we have to be as obstreparous as possible for the 30 days of September and October in which we pretend to be a medically qualified doctor for an entire month for charity. As always a section of the bugle is going straight in the bin and a couple

of sections this week, including Valentine's Day. Next Thursday, the 14th is, and you don't need to be a rocket scientist to know this Valentine's Day. St Valentine, of course, renowned as the most romantic of all the saints way more romantic, for example, and St. Gribard, the business like, St. Valerian, they're not very confident with girls. St. Edith, they're not easily impressed by flattery, and St. Scuey, the patron saint of being non-plus by bodily functions, hence the term, Scuey-Mish. Which is also a term used by very posh people

to describe the art of Edward Malk. Um, for valentines. For... For... He took me a minute, and now I can't let go of it. Let go of it, Ellis. Let go of it. For our Valentine's Day section, we are presenting you with a bugle multipurpose audio

construct your own Valentine's Day card. So you just have to audio delete the bits of this Valentine's Day message that you do not want. Dearest, in certain name of your intended beloved here, I've long for you ever since the day I first saw you, stroke the moments I heard you'd been released, stroke, Tuesday afternoon, stroke. It became clear that Brenda wasn't interested, stroke, the end of the cricket season. When I'm not with you, all I can think about is you, Stroke, Snooker, Stroke, Lunch, Stroke,

International Tax Law, but that's more to do with my job as an international tax law than a bad reflection of you, Stroke, Brenda. If you won't be my Valentine, I will take out my disappointment in the form of a platinum-selling album or series of harrowing short films. Stroke, emigrate, stroke, fabricate some proof that Brenda's new boyfriend Steve is still seeing Debbie. Love from Gesu, Stroke, question mark, question mark, question mark, Stroke, Silvio Berlusconi. Delete that as applicable and send as an MP3 file. I mean, Andy, I always have mixed feelings about Valentine's Day because I've never had the romantic Valentine's thing because I've always been surrounded by the kinds of people

who think it's an overblown commercialized holiday. Which also, yes, of course it is, but it's nice to get stuff and love. But also, possibly, I've given the impression that I'm not that into Valentine's day because whenever Valentine's day comes up I remind people that St Valentine was also the saint of epilepsy and bees. That is one. That means multitasking taken to an impressive level. Yeah, you don't want to get your remits mixed up on any given day.

Horrier, what's your attitude to Valentine's Day? Well historically, I've hated it, but this year I find myself in a happy loving relationship and I like it now. Right. I don't quite understand the correlation, but yeah. Also, in the business week, a special celebrity section, this week focusing on what celebrities think goes into a chicken nugget. Christian Bail, the Hollywood actor, thinks that chicken nuggets contain the remnants of

beach terrapins, washing powder, and that scurff off a beach on a windy day. Plus corn flour to mix it all together. Martina Hinges, former tennis champion, thinks that chicken nuggets are made of recycled copies of 1960s New Deal magazines. The used tennis ball from the French Open, what she would think that, and meat from all the zebras and wildebeests that they kill filming nature documentaries. Simon Sharma, the celebrity British historian, thinks that a chicken nugget is made by getting a single chicken and compressing it down to nugget size, using a mechanical nuggeting machine, the blood of the crushed poultry is then used to make ketchup,

I believe is the famous historian. And Belinda Carlisle, pop star former, former, frontwoman of the Go-Gos, believes the chicken nuggets are made out of whatever is left of your mountain village after the chicken bandits had been through town, plus cornflakes. Those sections in the bin. those sections in the bin. Rightfully so handy. Top Story. America has its state of the union. America in peril.

Karma apologizes for being late. Yes, indeed, Donald Trump delivered his second state of the union address on Tuesday, urging unity despite well, Donald Trump delivered his second state of the Union address on Tuesday, urging unity, despite well being Donald Trump. It was an astonishingly perfect platonic rendition of bare face topocracy. I mean, I say bare face, despite the fact that he, at all times, seems to be peering through a skin-tight, bank-heist mask made out of old ladies' tits. Or that thing that people in prison do when they want to protect themselves from jail predators by smearing themselves in their own poo. Ah! But what thing?

What do you do that thing? I heard about it on a podcast. It's called Bronsing Up. Look, Alice. You should not mean. Which part? Exactly. You should not need to be told

that not everything you hear on podcast is true. Ha ha ha. You have all people. That was in the bin three months ago. It's fair to say, Harry, not everyone was impressed by Trump's speech. Nancy Pelosi sitting behind in the speaker of the House of Representatives applauded to Trump very much like a conservationist, applauding a colleague who has just castrated the last remaining male of an endangered rhino species and said, right, where do we plant them?

So they grow. So, I mean, how did you enjoy it as an American? Well, Andy, I expected to be really angry, but I was mostly numb. So I'm at that stage of grief now. I was offended as a stand-up comic by all the undeserved standing ovation. Not a single joke that I would want to even bother writing, it wasn't even kind of funny. Every two minutes someone standing up. I mean, is this not just that comedy of awkwardness,

the funny, because it's not funny? You know what? I think if there weren't consequences, I could see that. I mean, it was a big deal. Melania was there because it is stipulated in her contract. The contract she signed to play, Donald Trump's wife until 2020, at which point there was a team option for four more years. That option will likely be picked up. She looked orange, which I found amazing, because they always say spouses start looking like each other after a while, and it didn't take that long. She was a very sharp orange.

Right. They love carrots to be fat. So how they keep their eyesight so sharp. He chose a very interesting strategy in the beginning of the state of the Union because he chose history. He began with talking about World War II and the liberation of Dachau and then he went into the moon landing and how incredible an achievement that was 50 years ago, and then Buzz Aldrin was there. And it seemed like he wanted to focus on things he did not accomplish and was not there for, just to remind people how good it could be

or was at one point. Like I was waiting for him to mention Jonas Salk, curing polio, I was expecting him to say, remember the Wright brothers, and when they flew in Kitty Hawk, I was expecting him to say, remember the right brothers and when they flew in Kitty Hawk, I was expecting them to say, remember the 1984 men's hockey team, which beat Russia in the Olympics? I expected him to say, do you remember when President Bill Pullman gave a speech in front of the world as the aliens invaded the United States and rest of the world. And as humanity conquered the universe once and for all.

Also remember Beyonce. Always remember Beyonce. All right, I'm just going to have to put you up on something here. It was 1980, though, yes, Soviet Union versus America, I talk about the miracle on ice in the late year. Oh, no. It wasn't Sarajevo 1984. Far from it. Oh my God, I am so embarrassed.

Because obviously everyone caught that error as I was thinking. Look, I don't mind bullshit on this program, Harry, but I will not take sporting factual inaccuracies. There was a sporting element to this, because the Republicans in particular kept chanting USA, USA, and I don't remember what Trump said to trigger that reaction, but I was scared to death that there would be a hate crime during the state of the year. Whenever I hear angry white people chant that I start walking in the other direction, it's strange because they were chanting USA, USA, while in the USA during the state of the

USA's union. What is going to be very redundant? Sure of these things. I'm just interested in you. You mentioned that, you know, you mentioned a lot of things he had nothing to do with. And also, well, raised the fact that there were more women in Congress than ever before. And in a way, he did, I mean, that is his accomplishment in a lot of ways that's clearly he finally woke America out of his sexist slumber. He's given, he's given, he's's given feminism a real shot in the arm. I mean, a president who is less of a gropie misogynist

probably wouldn't have been nearly so inadvertently progressive. I particularly enjoyed the way that the large number of women who were sitting there, a lot of them chose to wear white in deference to the suffrage. I thought that was because they just come from playing a cricket match. They wanted to assert that they weren't having their period

so that he'd take them seriously. But that they sort of alternated between, I think, trying to encourage him in his more sort of reasonable and statesmen like remarks by standing up and applauding him with a few notable exceptions. Social media star Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez was particularly working on her stank face at all times. Stank face. Stank face. Yes, like when someone makes a stank and

you're, ooh, that's the face you make. Right, okay. It's a legitimate word in modern parlance. Stank face. Right. She, anyway, she had a face on. Yes. It's my point. She looks about as impressed as a vegan nun at a pagan badger slaying and devil summoning convention. And tweeted afterwards, she was criticized for not looking positive in her usual style and not unreasonably tweeted, why would she with Trump speaking out of his own mouth. And tweeted this, we are flying without a pilot now

I that I would dispute from from Alice on Alexandria a Casio Cortes I think there is definitely a pilot in America and that is in many ways the problem It's not the lack of pilot. It's who the pilot is what he's doing and the fact that he's locked himself in the cockpit and is shouting what he's doing and the fact that he's locked himself in the cockpit and is shouting DIGGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGIDIGID crooked and no one bothered telling him which tells you a lot about what people think about him. Stop slutshaming him. I mean the crookedness just seemed symbolic like yes. That is appropriate. I mean to his credit by his own tie. To his credit he brought out a family who lost loved ones who were killed by undocumented

immigrants, which is evil. It's evil that he chose to do that, but he brought them out. He brought out a couple of black folks who were pardoned and released from prison. He brought out a little girl who survived cancer. Where has he been? Where has he been caping all these people? Well, I mean, I think they're part of the actors that apparently also serve as cancer and has he been keeping all these people well i mean i think they're part of the uh... the actors that apparently also

serve as victims and all these uh... shootings they're from the same reputory theater this this conspiracy right right to the top but i think he should be commended uh... for exploiting such a diverse range of people this is the kind of representation I did not want necessarily, but still I like the fact that some of us are now on the screen. Trump said we must reject the politics of revenge, resistance and retribution,

and embrace the boundless potential of cooperation, compromise and the common good. At clearly someone switched the verbs in those sentences on the auto-cute, it was a classic, anchorman style prank, and it was clear supposed to be, we must embrace the politics of revenge, resistance and retribution, make a lot more sense. Trump calling for conciliation and bipartisan cooperation. To me is like someone writing the words, do not allow your dog to foul the sidewalk. On the sidewalk, using his own shit. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Throughout the speech, Nancy Pelosi was staring at a stack of papers in front of her. I don't know if there was like a copy of the remarks or basically the order of events. As she was staring at those papers, she looked like she was staring at a menu and hated every single dish. LAUGHTER

But was trying to be polite. There was a lot of people picked up on the fact, Harry, that Trump didn't mention climate change. And from a global perspective, that, I mean, it's a bit of a curious oversight, given that climate change is essentially the biggest issue facing the entire planet. The clock is ticking, and even more concerned, it's not a real clock. It's obviously not just a clock. There's wires clearly sticking out of it. Joel Clement, who'd resigned from the Interior Department over Trump's battle against climate science. Said the Trump's administration strategy

is to ignore climate change, pretend it doesn't exist and pretend the science doesn't exist, even if it is coming from its own agencies. Well, I say, have you got a better way of dealing with climate change than that, than just flatly ignoring it? Because there's no other solution that isn't really difficult, quite expensive and a bit inconvenient, so that has to be the best option. I'm going to disagree with you Andy, with regards to him not

mentioning climate change, because he kind of mentioned it, because he said AIDS will be eliminated in a decade, which to me implied global warming will kill us all by then. That's right. I assume that's what he meant. Actually, that kind of lateral thinking has become a whole mark of Trump's presidency. For Jesus. Also, coming out as anti-AIDS is not courageous since it's not 1987. We're all going to agree to that. Trump was also criticized for his speech being too long,

clocked in 82 minutes. Well, here at the Bugle, we're not entirely in a position to slam anyone for banging on endlessly, whilst being paytably divorced from sense and reality. And if you two, Bugle listeners, want to see a man going on a bit too long, whilst the woman behind him looks unimpressed at his obvious bullshit, come to the Bugle live US tour shows with me on stage and Alice on a big screen behind me.

Looking palosian I would imagine. I'll be sure to clap sarcastically at various points. Yes I was keen to come along but you make your visas very expensive America so I'm going to be here in the remote form of a judgmental Android. This tour starts on the 26th of February at the Bellhouse in Brooklyn, then strapping the comedy loft in Washington DC on the 27th of last Boston on the 28th of February. Then when the Columbus in Providence, Rhode Island on the 1st of March, the Iron Horse in Northampton Massachusetts on the 2nd of March, punchline Philly in Philadelphia on the third of March, the Lincoln Hall in Chicago on the fourth of March, the Cedar in Minneapolis on the fifth of March, comedy works in Denver on the sixth of March and the Alberta Rose in Portland on the seventh of March, yes you're right, there are no days off in that lot and quite a lot of

miles to cover, so as long as the transport system works and it always does in America, doesn't it? It should all be fine. Then three days off then we finish San Francisco at Cubs on the 11th of March and the dynasty tight-writing Los Angeles on the 12th of March Details on the bugle website or the rest of the internet or my website if you can get the dust off it or from your local priest or any passerby And I will be there in all of those places, but also more importantly in my bedroom. Then as well, a news, should he stay or should sit go? A lot what you've done there. Yeah, thank you. Thank you. The clash.

First of all, I should let you know, I did some research, focus solely on American news coverage of what's happening. And what I discovered was that Venezuela is a country on the northern coast of South America. Yep. Right. So that's the, that's the coverage. Right. Well, that's probably more in depth than, than a lot of American news outlets have gone. Well, I mean, to sort of sum it up. While we are all very focused on our own political

chaosies, it is important to remember that other places in the world are also wallowing in their own horrifying barrels of governmental bum juice. The ongoing political crisis in Venezuela has divided both the country and the international community around it. Some people backing President Nicholas Maduro, who is a madman with the madman we know, and others are supporting the man who's challenging him, who seems a lot more sane except that he's running up against President Nicholas Maduro, who is, I think, to put it mildly, made out of bananas. I mean, to call things under Maduro pretty intense is to understate things deeply. It's like calling David Tennant pretty charming when in

fact talking to him is like having your face sand blasted by the approval of every human you've ever respected or wanted to bang until you're just a puddle of smiling sludge. Yeah, I mean absolutely. Venezuela has had a bit of a tricky time of late. And yeah, it seems to come down to this, this is chustle for power between Maduro, the undemocratically pseudo-elected president and Juan Guido, the democratically unelected self-proclaimed interim president. On the side of Maduro, authoritarian led China and Russia, on the side of Guido, would be authoritarian led Brazil and the USA.

And it is, Venezuela is having a rotten time, particularly economic. It's a blue chip economy. Blue chip, the famous acronym that stands for Bad Leadership, Unstoppable Immigration, Crime, Hungry, inflation and poverty. 1.4 million percent inflation. It's hit recently, which is, I mean, when it gets over the key 1.3 million percent, you've got real problems. And despite of

its many problems, the 4 million Venezuelans have emigrated since the beginning of Hugo Chavez's rule in 1999. That's more than 10 percent of the population a poll a couple of years ago showed that well over half of the people wanted to leave And despite all this Maduro party at my house despite all this Maduro stormed to victory in last year's presidential election with a suspicious sounding 67.8% of the vote. Yeah, you know, they just wanted to make it 69. That always happens. It's all these like strong men dictators.

They always win by landslides. You gotta keep it close. If you're gonna cheat, you don't wanna make it too obvious. Don't go for an A. Get like a C+. I mean, I'd won 52% all so close though. I really enjoyed this quote by Guadalaj mother on CNN, which is that she told him when Obama became president, that he walked like Obama and Obama rolls up his sleeves and Guadalaj also does that, but she added, it's not like he's mimicking Obama. It's just the nicest mom in the world. The kind of supportive mom you want.

Donald Trump has threatened military intervention in Venezuela. When how's that going to work out, Harry? I mean, just looking at the history of American military interventions driven by the fear of communism. How have they generally gone? Poorly. Poorly. It has led to massive spending, a great deal of death.

I mean, this is a theory, Andy, and I'm not going to spend too much time in it, but I think it might have to do with oil. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I disagree. Is it not just the attraction of a country with both the V and a Z in its name? There's something a luring about that.

It's one of the most luring countries known as the Vennet, the Oehler. The Venice of the South Americans. The Venice Wailers were northern Italy's leading remace on Simplonnes Bob Marley Tribute Axis. Well, your one's better. Maybe it's just curiosity. The rest of the world, Rahuas, Russia and China, so interested in it and America, seem

so worried about it. Despite that, there's at least seven countries between Venezuela and the USA if you wanted to walk from one to the other. Maybe it's, you know, the fascination of how a country of 30 million people and huge potential oil wealth has never made it to a football World Cup final storm. Only South American country. Not to have graced. They must have been focusing on something else.

They're clearly planning. They've focused everything on taking over the world, rather than football, like the other South American countries. Or how come a country so close to the cricketing hotbed of Trinidad and Tobago? How has it never embraced the greatest invention in human history? It's a confusing, it's an alluring country. I can see that. Maduro who enjoys the backing of the Supreme Court in his country has rejected demands for new presidential elections, offering dialogue instead. And I think by

dialogue he means the kind of dialogue where he punches you in the face and balls. And you get to say ow. I find it really bizarre that European countries, a number of them, had deadlines for mature to call for elections or else they would recognize Juan Guedo as president. First point, where is the US's deadline? Does the US not get a deadline for a fair election? We had a compromised election, unstable leaders, and I do think there's a threat of another civil war. No elections.

Secondly, I think the whole not recognizing another country is absurd and childish. Like clearly he's the leader right now, right? Is Maduro here? No, I'm right here. I don't see Maduro calling an election. I guess you're the president now, Juan. But I'm right here. Too bad Maduro couldn't step up.

It's childish! In political correctness gone mad news now, Howard Schultz, the billionaire Starbucks mogul has used the terms, people of means and people of wealth instead of calling them billionaires at a recent Q&A event. It's a weird linguistic conflation of the plight of the super rich with other people's actual plight. To use the syntactical construction most often deployed by, for example, people of color. Like the harder struggle you guys go through that is different from poor people is that you have to come to terms with the truth of the adage, money doesn't buy you happiness

and I'm sure that's very hard, but not as sure as I'd like to be, I'd like to find that out for myself. I mean, how far are you going to take this kind of euphemistic approach? Are poor people on a yacht doing wealth face? Is having an affair with a Tennyson Stoctor cultural appropriation? Can I refuse to pay my taxes out of solidarity? He said that the moniker billionaire has now become a catchphrase. You mean punchline? I wouldn't. You mean punchline. he said that the moniker billionaire has now become a catchphrase. Which you mean punchline. I wouldn't.

You mean punchline. That is not what a catchphrase is. A catchphrase is like was that or I know you are, but what am I? Billionaire is just math. Yeah, or you have a. billionaire is just math or you have a also billionaires were never oppressed so we should be able to call them whatever they want. Well you say they're never oppressed but the way I look at it is how many billionaires are there in the world? A few hundred? Not that many. How many starving people living below

the poverty line are there? Hundreds of millions. So who's really in danger here? If we don't look after the billionaires, because they don't breed that much, they're like pandas that they could easily die out within a generation or two. So please support the rich. I feel that Shultz has a legitimate shot only because there are so many basic people in the United States. So I think Shultz can ride the pumpkin spice wave to the presidency. He could probably get elected just promising not to write people's names wrong on their takeaway cups.

At least, at least being an achievable promise that will be rare in politics. Look, I quite like Starbucks there, a good place to go to the bathroom. If the restroom for a rest. Or the wee room for a wee. Brexit news now, and well, that's another clock that is ticking. Six with a stranger room. Sorry, go on. I mean, starfucks. Brexit news now and that is another clock that is ticking.

In fact the only time you can't hear the Brexit clock ticking is when the politicians pop out of the clock and go, Cuckoo! Cuckoo! European Council President Donald Tusk has said that there is a special place in hell for those who promoted Brexit without even a sketch of a plan of how to carry it out safely. A special... Why do they always get their own special...

I'm sure you sure he didn't mean a special place in the Cayman Islands? That seems far more likely. I can just imagine Virgil guiding Dante through the circles of hell, gesturing to the irresponsible, promised politician's zone. Right next to where Sisyphus has to roll up his rock

up at the hill again and again, but it's like when nine to five, they're all made to sit on chairs made out of stinging nettles, but they are allowed to wear protective pants, but they have to be made out of their own moral fiber and then after hours they have to be the dead pig whose mouth get f***ed by David Cameron So Virgil getting leading Dante? Yeah, it wasn't that the Dante's inferno, like Virgil was guiding him through those

I do hope that at some point Dante turned to Virgil and said all that shit you wrote about farming was a pile of art anyway I'd I guess I think this idea if maybe this is tusk promising there will be a special place in hell for those behind Brexit. And some kind of deal sweetener because even for me as a natural remainder, someone who would like to just go back on the entire thing. If the EU were able to promise that Boris Johnson, Michael Gove and Nigel Farage would be sentenced to an eternity in hell with only each other for company, I would sign up for that.

Yeah, but you have to acknowledge that these people will not be reading that as a bad thing. You know, having been going to these private schools as children or what you call public schools, I don't know, your English people are weird. You never mean what we say. All they will hear is like, oh, a special place for me, just to be honest. I mean, if we're going to go to hell, I might as well be in the boys' club there. I mean, it's sort of not fair to say that they promoted Brexit without even a sketch of a plan of how to carry it out. There was definitely a sketch.

It's just that it was drawn in crayon on the back of the napkin, and it just had a little smiley face labelled Brexit and an out arrow. That's a sketch of a plan. To reason me is, as as we speak back in Brussels to try to hack out her 47th attempted plan B, it's hard to know exactly what she's hoping to squeeze out of the withered husk of hope. But as Arthur Conan Doyle, author and cricket enthusiast, famously wrote in his little non-book, Sherlock Holmes, Negotiator Treaty. When you have ruled out

unprefable, whatever remains, however unpalatable, must be what you can tell people it was they actually voted for. One small note to look at it, what Tusk said in a positive light, you know, a special place in hell. Well, that's at least one place Brits can go without a visa. That's good. The Bank of England Governor Mark Carney has warned of the fog of Brexit in a speech. But does not fog, eventually clear, just let the winds of fate, the sweet breezes of time blow away the mists of this ephemeral confusion and reveal the clear waters ahead between us and the now unavoidable waterfall we're about to plummet over in our national dinghy of destiny. I mean it isn't written very famous for having at one point

these pea soup fogs that literally killed people. Yes. Yes. Yeah, but, yeah, we grew out of that. Well, now we just have diesel cars, bumping fumes into children's buzz. Missing Royal Treasure News now, and some of the Swedish crown jewels that were stolen from a cathedral last year, appeared to have been found in a bin in Stockholm, two crowns and an orb from the year 1611 were stolen. But they still work interestingly.

They made them to last in those days. Your modern crowns and orbs might have more functionality for today's social media conscious 21st century monarchs. But you know they'll look trendy and be super efficient but then you know after a few years they'll start getting glitchy just before the warranties up and they'll completely stop working within five years just in time for the new improved model to come out. But these old thrones, these old crowns and orbs, I mean for a start there's one question, what the f*** does an orb do? Also how do you manage two crowns and one orb? Surely you want it in an orb for each hand and one crown for your head.

What are you putting the crowns on your tits? I don't get it. The jewels were found by a security guard during what I assume were his regular bin-rubbing rummaging rounds. The discovery of these royal jewels in a bin raises so many questions for me and if first is that been the king now? Second! Second!

That's it! A point just came was... A police spokeswoman said work is underweighted to determine whether they are in fact the jewels that were taken. If they're not the stolen jewels, who's jewels are they and why they in the bin? Thirdly, what will the bin king require of us, his most bio waste producing subjects? Will he appreciate us for feeding in delicious scraps or resent us for our lack of respect and most importantly, will there be a royal bin wedding? I am 100% up for covering myself in

eggshells and used tea bags and going to that. A spokeswoman was unable to confirm the location of the Stockholm bin where the treasures may have been found, presumably attempting to head off a surge of garbage diving king Arthur Wannabees. The thieves, the crownal clapticians, said in the news report, to have, quote, fled the scene on ladies bicycles. I mean, this is the problem with the well-being tolerant of gender fluidity. In simpler times, people would have seen a male man

on a lady femur bike, and they'd have known something fishy was up. They'd have wrestled the crimson of the floor saying, you're not a real lady, but you're riding a lady's bicycles. You're contrabanding. God's holy law. So you must be up to no good, and it would be solved. Solved at source. I mean, I'm on in favor of people riding whatever bicycles they want to ride

But in the privacy of their own bedrooms And definitely not while they're stealing priceless ground jewels Where will it end with babies on diamond and crusted quad bikes old women on jet skis is not natural Someone at the site No, they didn't. I don't know, you're quite right. I just thought Orbs, they don't do it for me. I thought it was bad visuals.

It's nice pair of Orbs in the right place. Right time, man. Family show. Did they levitate? To me, it just looks like their monarch is not focused on the job in hand when you see a monarch with an Orb. They are ticking off the minutes until they can go bowling.

Did they find Thor's hammer? Was that amongst the things they found? Or... I think that's still a British museum, I think. I think it's about time that Marie Kondo go to the British Museum and start to ask people, does this bring you joy? Do you really need these ancient rocks? Do you really need this Greek statue? I'm very confronted by the whole Marie Kondo movement because as someone who was brought up very strictly Buddhist, if I pick up an object and it brings me joy, I have to immediately renounce it anyway. So I've got nothing left, man.

Oh, yes, emojis. The 2019 official list of new emojis has emerged with a number of newly useful and expressive representations to add to the pantheon of tiny pictures people use when they can't find words to describe their feelings. There are disability-themed emojis, a drop of blood emoji, which is meant to offer women a new way to talk about menstruation, but can also be used to add graphic flare to death threats, or the tears of a texting vampire. A skunk, a parachutist, and a waffle also join the list, which I imagine will please smelly Belgian skydivers no-end. I have also been informed through dozens of tweets that a new flamingo related emoji has also been added to the catalog and fine cool, whatever.

Now people don't even have to use words when they want to deliberately annoy me in a way that I'm supposed to interpret as affectionate and friendly banter. I guess that's the price of fame. If I fame you mean moderate specific niche podcast guest host fame, aka not fame. I don't know, man. I have to fight through such mixed feelings about this whole flamingo thing. I regularly do my own quite serious podcast in which I have gentle conversations about complex issues of interesting people and every time I do a call out for questions I get a fucking barrage of pictures of lanky pink birds gangling around in a salt puddle somewhere with their cumbersome beaks and pretentious unwillingness to use more than one leg at a time.

That's the house of lords. I mean I'm disappointed that there were no penis or vagina emojis or even a butt emoji. I think it's ridiculous because that's what the people want and as a result of them not providing that, people are still forced to use eggplants and bananas and peaches and so forth. I cannot tell you the number of times I have gone to someone's home with an eggplant because I misunderstood the message. I thought you needed an eggplant. I am not dressed for anything other than providing you with an eggplant. I'm not wearing my special underwear.

I'm not wearing cologne. But now we have an eggplant. There's also a new Brexit-related emoji that expresses a sense of generational betrayal. And there's another one that expresses a determination to stick to a decision, even whilst knowing that decision is obviously and fundamentally flawed. And also a face to express the twin emotions of panic and inaction. So, I'm just exciting new Brexit emojis. Just quickly, interestingly, I learnt that emojis are named after emojis, who was an ancient Roman emperor in the 260s AD, who banned the use of words and made everyone communicate only by pulling faces

before he was inevitably his most Roman emperors who were assassinated, he was assassinated silently by his own very angry looking bodyguards. Mm-hmm. Oh, that fits in with my theory that the Egyptians invented the internet with their obsession with cats and little pictures. Ha-ha-ha. The way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way the way Your emails now this comes from Craig who writes, a higher Andy Stroke, f*** you Chris Stroke, statistically speaking Alice. That's not your next book. That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said.

I think. Ha ha ha. As long time bugleless as we'll know, right Craig, it's a longstanding tradition to listen to your fine bullshit whilst undergoing minor medical procedures. Ha ha ha. Now whilst this has been somewhat skewed historically towards vasectomies, Craig continues, I will be having a small OP procedure, whatever that is.

Outpatient, I think so you can walk in and out. All right. On my shoulder on Tuesday and social carry on this fine practice, I've selected a classic Google episode, 187 to listen to, and it's my all-time favourite with Johnny Showbiz recounting Bashar al-Assad's purchase of LMFAOs, I'm sexy and I know it, and the vision of him belting it out in his palace, dancing in his pants and singing into a hairbrush. I just hope I don't laugh at the wrong moment, and I hit a nerve and I use the loose

the use of my arm. Keep up the bush. Well maybe that's another, what injuries have you suffered? Well because of listening to the bugle, if you have any major or life threatening incidents, then do email into HelloBuglers at the Bugle podcast. I don't know if it counts as an injury, but I certainly volunteered to be on it

as a result of having listened to it when it's ruined my life. Well, my ears bleed every time Andy makes a pun, so that's kind of an injury to you. I've got an emoji to express it now. That brings us to the end of this week's bugle. Harry, thanks very much for coming on. If you've got any tour shows you'd like to alert our listeners to. I do.

I will be in Charlottesville, Virginia, on February 28th. That's right. Charlottesville, Virginia on February 28th. That's right. Charlottesville, Virginia. And if I'm able to survive, I will do Atlanta, Georgia, the next day on March 1st, Athens, Georgia on March 2nd, Asheville, North Carolina, March 3rd, Northridge, California, March 16th, with one W. Comeau Bell, and a bunch of other dates all over the country in the spring, Denver, Salt Lake City, Burlington, Arlington, Virginia, Wilmington, and so forth. Again, dependant on what happens during that Charlottesville show and all the information

on hurraycundabolo.com, more realistically, just Google, hurray, comedian, probably up who are the Simpsons and you'll find me. Alex, anything to plug? Well, my show on the 17th at the Museum of Comedy in London is I think there's only about five tickets left. So listen to the trilogy with me on it, that's free, and come to the Bugle Shows in America and otherwise support my work. There you go, consider those careers plugged. My career is plugged in many ways, like a golf shot into a puddle. Ah, we should have a quick update on Chris's injury before he goes.

Oh yes, also did you know plugging is work, never mind. It's an internet game. Don't Google it. Right. Thank you, Alex. Chris, yes. How did Crep it are you after your hip replacement? I could show you what the scar looks like, if you like. I mean, not for an audio podcast. Yes, sorry, I'm not sure.

I mean, maybe show us the scar and we'll react audibly. Okay, wait one second. In hip hip rain news now, Chris is limping his way and to show us his bits. His fresh new hip scar. Chris is about to just rob live on the vehicle. We need an hour rating for this episode. Ha ha ha ha ha.

Never taken my trousers down on the show before. Ha ha ha ha. So you say. Who wants to go first. Okay. Okay. Let's have a look. Ouch. That looks like a big slice in a person.

Okay now. Right. Also nice time. I can't see. I can't see, but I got nauseous as well. Yeah. Yeah, it's pretty gross. I mean, to be honest, Christian, ignoring the obvious message God was sending, which was run around less.

That's all, Puglas. Until next time. We'll have a full update on Chris's recovery from having his body-hacked at pieces by a deranged madman in medical scrubs. Until next week, goodbye. Bye! you