The Bugle - The Bugle – Maychive II

Episode Date: May 27, 2014

Some stuff that happened in May, before this May (but since 2007). Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Dancelaguard fans, you will be thrilled to know a book is coming out if you fund it via Unbound. We are publishing the Dancelaguard Reader by Alice Fraser and Dancelaguard, a glorious insight into the world of Dancelaguard, self-published romance maven, and online bestseller. If you would like to find out how to support it, go to thebugelpodcast.com. If we get enough support, we will publish the book. That's a real thing that's going to happen. Thebugelpodcast.com to a real thing that's going to happen. TheBuglePodcast.com to support the Danciler Guard Reader. This is a podcast from TheBuglePodcast.com. Hello, Bugglers and welcome to Bugal269's sub-episode, Init.

I'm afraid there is no full bugle this week, John, has been briefly back here in Blighty to do some filming for his telly show and to be comprehensively beaten by me at Paul in one of the finest displays of human ship the modern game has seen We're very sorry about the recently disrupted bugle schedule I'm sure you understand it has been rather difficult given John's new show and my Well, I've got some new shoes. I'm trying to wear it. None of some shirts do I? So not a lot of free time on either side of the bugle Atlantic But we will try to get out as many new episodes as we can whilst John's new show. Bedzin, we should be back with Bugle 270 later on this week.

In the meantime, we've been delving around in the archives again. For another, this week in Bugle History, beginning in late May 2008. With this. BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP Top story this week and abortion. The abortion issue and it's the electoral pinnarder both sides smashing to pieces in a frenzy to get to the sweet sweet votes within. In Britain the upper-time limit for abortions will remain at 24 weeks. That's the big news. There have been an attempt to cut it down to anything from 12 to 22 weeks so they were willing to be haggled. They had a 10-week negotiation zone. As long as it was a Fortnite lesson, it's that final Fortnite, which hurts them

for some inexplicable reason. In America, there are groups that want a portion stamped out altogether, and I'd like to argue this extremely delicate point by Petra bombing the houses of doctors who perform abortions. But in Britain, we simply like to lobby to have a Fortnite knocked off the top. The second world war really knocked the fight out of us, I think. I think it's great news, John, that the 24-week limit isn't coming down because it's going to help us maintain our cherished and hard one place near the very top of the European abortion league. Because we are really great at getting pregnant without really meaning to. But yeah, those who want the time limit reduced, clearly want women to think the decision

through a bit less. Now there are against a woman's right to choose or think or think about choosing or vote. We're probably against that as well. And they'll get to that issue as soon as they're done with this abortion confuffle. And that is the first time those two words have ever been near each other. Well, embryos and fetuses, we've all been one or both. So I guess we all hold a bit of a candle for those simple days when all we had to think about was splitting the odd cell here and there or later on in the process, pretending our umbilical cord was a guitar and axing out some fat chops on it in the privacy of our own womb. I'd love to have seen your first scan, Andy.

Head, throne back, eyes closed. Doing a version of the Windcries Mary. Well, Johnny was the 70s, you know, guitar's rule. Any cut in time would have contravened any medical or scientific evidence, but who cares about either of those, Andy? I don't make decisions based on them, or my decisions are based on moral grandstanding.

In any medical emergency, I ignore doctors and listen to the person who is shouting the loudest. If that person is shouting through a megaphone, then so much the better. It's not just abortion that the British Parliament, the original and still the best, has spent most of the last week voting about. They've also voted overwhelmingly

in favour of human animal hybrid embryo research in an effort to help find cures for diseases such as Alzheimer's whilst also attempting to boost the ailing British film industry by spawning a host of low-budget horror movies featuring half-human, half-goose super-creatures, escaping from a poorly secured laboratory and flapping rampantly through British high streets, eating breadcrumbs and honking at children. Now, I don't know a lot about this kind of science, John, but much of the opposition to it is simply based on the assumption that we don't want our children to have to go to

school with a kid who's got the head of a rhinoceros. And it's also based on the as-yet-unproven theory that God wants old people to be able to enjoy the most miserable and hopeless possible ride into the inescapable chasm of oblivion. If the Almighty Lord hadn't wanted us to die slowly of Alzheimer's, he would have sent us a cure by now already. If a conservative MP Edward Lee said that this was ethically wrong and almost certainly medically useless. So strong words there from Professor Lee.

Oh, I'm sorry, he's not a professor. A Dr. Lee then. Oh, he's not a Dr. Lee then? Leithen. He's not a Dr. either? A Minister Leithen. He's not even a Minister. Oh, strong words from X Minister Edward Leitheir, a fully qualified Edward. As our Edward Leith Tory MP, who has recently voted the British politician most easy to fit into a rap lyric, said that in modern Britain, the most dangerous place to be is in your mother's womb, especially

if you've already been born. But that does sound a bit like a promotional tagline for an action thriller starring Samuel L Jackson as an amniotic sack. That's for all that mean is that voiceover, the most dangerous place in Britain was his mother's womb. Cut to Samuel L Jackson in a womb with a machine gun shooting his way out. And also, the most dangerous place in modern Britain is clearly never been to Swansea. Boom! Boom Andy! Take that Swansea! Boom! John, that is merely based on the reaction to that

gig we did there a few years ago. That's not a good gig. Well actually the gig was strong. I stand by the gig, the reaction was harsh. What newspaper in Britain described the scene of anti-abortion protests being alongside pro-abortion protests? Pro-abortion. I don't think that's the phrase that people like to use. And I think they prefer pro-choice. These people aren't for as many abortions as possible.

Abortions for everybody. Don't knock it till you've tried it. They don't look at every happy new mother as a missed opportunity. There were extremely emotive speeches in the House of Commons because, and that's what this issue needs, even more heightened emotions. And also, there is nothing quite like hearing white old men pontificating about the rights of abortions. And Mark Pritchard, another Conservative MP, argued, I believe that terminating a child that's been woven and knitted in the womb should be a choice of last resort, not the latest manifestation of Britain's throwaway society.

I totally agree with him, Andy, but he brings up a far more important point. How are knitted children getting into the womb? These poor woolen bastards don't have a hope in life. Who is getting into women's wombs in the night and knitting woolen children? It's al-Qaena, isn't it? I know it. Before we move on to 2009, why not pop online and buy a ticket for my satirist for higher show at the stand in Edinburgh 13th to 24th August. There is no answer to that question, there is simply no good reason why you would not do that.

Unless you don't live in the right continent or hemisphere, or are legally barred from entering the UK, or can't be asked, or simply hate the concept of life comedy and or me. If not, go to edfringe.com, type saltman into the search box and book your seat for the show is event of the millennium so far. And please do send your satirical requests for the show to satirize this at satirist for hire.com, including the date of the show you're attending. I will also be doing a London run and a UK tour later in the

year on to 2009 now and something about camping, I think. Top story this week, Guantanamo! All together now, Guantanamo! Just the fellas, Guantanamo! Now the leaders, Guantanamo! Remember Guantanamo Bay? Isn't that how you start your gigs these days? Yeah, it is, yeah.

I'm trying to bring a little bit of the stadium spectacular to small comedy clubs. But you remember Guantanamo Bay, Andy? Yeah, a little bit of the stadium spectacular to small comedy clubs. But you remember Guantanamo Bay, Andy? A little look in the corner of Cuba. Beautiful place, Andy. You really must go with your... You ever can spot a commit a terrorist act or more importantly, look like you might. Well, Abama pledged to close the not remotely exclusive results as soon as his second day in office, saying unambiguously that he would ensure

it was closed within 12 months. Now, the problem with saying things like that is that you then have to do them. I guess that's why politicians don't often say things like that. And in a major bipartisan defeat this week, Senate Democrats, that's right, Democrats, have said that they will block the move until he comes up with a plan for where to send the detainees. Obama lost the vote 90 to 6 as the Senate is sent to be voted to keep the President Grant Animo open for the foreseeable future. Whilst Obama didn't say this out loud, you could read across his face that he was thinking,

what the f***! And the point is no U.S. senators want Grant Animo inmate in their states. And Lamar Smith, the representative from guess where, that's right, Texas said, no good purpose is served by allowing known terrorists who trained at terrorist training camps to come to the US and live among us. Guantanamo Bay was never meant to be an end is Ireland. Where to begin? I mean, there does seem to be some kind of confusion here,

and no one is suggesting that the inmates are moved from Guantanamo Bay into the bedrooms of America's children. And perhaps they should have been more specific and made it clear that that had been ruled out as a possibility. These people will be going to maximum security prisons from which, to round up, no one has ever escaped. No one. One senator even said, you know that they'll be in there trying to tunnel out.

Well, good luck to them. Have you seen maximum security prisons? There aren't conveniently placed trampolines next to low fences. They're not getting out. You cannot tunnel through a floor with a plastic spoon if it's reinforced with steel. Well, you say that, John,

but when Johnny Cash did his sanguine in prison gig, people actually used him as one of those pummel horses and tunneled out underneath Johnny Cash. It was a great gig, though. Let's not let that affect our enjoyment retrospectively of what was an incredible gig. I see, if you listen to the recording, you can just hear the sound of prisoners vaulting over him. And the terrorists are getting taken straight there. They're not putting them on charter flights

with a map and some money and saying, well, when you land in America, please report straight to the maximum security prison. You really mustn't stop off on the way to do any terrorism, okay? Can't stress that enough. Guantanamo, of course, based on the irregular Latin verb, Guantanamo, Guantanamo, Guantanamo, Guantanamo, actually, guantanamo, guantanamare, guantanamaxi, guantanamactum, which of course means

to wantonely and deliberately flout international law. Also, the military tribunals, they're back, aren't they? And that's good news for fans of military tribunals, bad news for fans of taking legal picnics on the moral high ground. And a barmer, of course, how he has previously described guantanamo as a sad chapter in American history.

I guess I think in any book you want a bit of light and shade, don't you, right? You know, that chapters in American history, I mean, there's lots of happy chapters, and there's got a lot of sad chapters. And I guess it's starting to look like a bit of a mess. I'm just waiting to see some kind of common thread come through.

Maybe I'll just have to wait for the sequel. It's a real emotional roller coaster of a novel. Yeah. Also with these supermax prisons, Andy, Maybe I'll just have to wait for the sequel. It's a real emotional rollercoaster of a novel. Yeah. Also with these Super Max prisons, Andy, there are already 347 convicted terrorists in these prisons, and they are yet to break out or turn anyone terrorist inside there. And even if they do convert someone,

very much those some ones are already in a maximum security prison. That is literally the safest place for any new terrorist to be. The court has said that America can hold these detainees indefinitely. I guess John, what do you think about indefinite detention? Objectively. You've got to remember that time is really just a concept and we're all just a bunch of molecules randomly thrown together by fate and science. So what does it really matter at the end of the day? You would make a terrible human rights defense lawyer.

Listen, dudes. I know it's not. It's because I'm about to blow your mind here, man. I don't know. That's probably not much consolation if you are being held indefinitely. But then if you are being held indefinitely, then A, well, you shouldn't be listening to this podcast for a start.

We're not on your sort of socializing with the bugle. And two, you're not on the best position to comment objectively. So keep out of it. It's not your business. Grand Tenor of course. Oh, kick it when they're down, Andy. Grand Tenor, of course, currently boasts

an unimpressive three for 775 conviction rate for its invades. That's not a good batting average. Oh, in baseball terms, I was batting 3.8. Look, I guess in legal terms, just tantamount to convicting only three out of 775 possible inmates in a prison camp. Either way, you look at it, it's got,ount to convicting only three out of 775 possible inmates in a prison camp. Either way, you look at it, it's got, could do better written all over its report.

Also, there are 240 residents, or as they were known under the Bush administration, pre-convicts, still lodging, shake-it-mo, or one-star hotel with inadequate facilities and often rude staff. And it's hard to know what to do with them all, John. I mean, you, because letting them go is obviously problematic. You could, I guess, have a five-side football tournament with five, eight team leagues. Each team was just six players and a rotating sub. That's an option.

But once that's finished, it hasn't really solved the overall problem. And there's a problem also with offloading detainees who have been cleared for release, because a lot of them don't want to go home on the grounds of that they're scared of being killed. Albania has taken some in as guests, but then I guess Albania doesn't have a lot else to do, apart from being a bit mysterious.

So, rumour has actually that Obama is set to start auctioning off these inmates. In fact, I've got a leech copy of a US government advert that's due to come out. There goes, have your own living piece of US extrajudicial history helping out around the house, starting at just $299 for a standard inmate caught up unwittingly in a global political power game, up to 899 for a dilution mate who is quite probably an active alkyd, a member but isn't saying much on the issue. Never has helping the US government move on from an international embarrassing issue been so affordable. And the running costs are low, these gentlemen which come in five different categories of anti-US sentiment from simmering resent resentments to thunderingly incandescent fury, have become a

custom to low daily calorie intakes and a limited range of wardrobe choices. Sign up now for your chance to buy your own diplomatic time bomb. Obama and Cheney did back-to-back speeches about national security on Friday. Cheney insisted that this speech was about not looking backwards, but for a speech that was not about looking backwards, he sure as shit used the past tense a lot. And Obama chose to speak at the National Archive, literally in front of the Constitution. Not the most subtle move, he's ever pulled, but you know, it does seem like we're past subtlety at this point. He said that national security is the first thing he thinks about in the morning, and the last thing he thinks about in the morning and the last thing he thinks about at night.

And you know, that sounds good. And then I'm sure he means well, but there is just no way that's true. I bet that the first thing, the very first thing he thinks when he wake up in the morning is, f*** me, I'm president! I'm president of the United States! I live in the White House! I'm gonna take my morning dump in the White House! And there's nothing that anyone can do to stop me. Wow! And I would imagine the last thing you think tonight is probably... Is it too late to order down to the kitchen for an ice cream?

Because I can have free ice cream whenever I want. Why? Because I'm the president! I'm the president! Hahahaha! A sure as night follows day, decade follows, decade, and May 2009 was followed just one year later by May 2010 and a big old oil blooper. Top story this week, oil slick news. Well Andy, when we left the bugle two weeks ago, oil was pumping into the ocean off the Louisiana coast and everyone was talking about it. Well, 14 days later, nothing has really changed, other than the human response going from shock to depressed resignation.

The leak is still pumping out oil like John Grisham pumps out novels indiscriminately and on an almost incomprehensible scale. At the time of the place for oil, Andy, most of the time that place is under the ground. It is not, I repeat, not all over a dead fish. Unless the dead fishing question is a seared tuna and the oil in question was squeezed out of an Italian olive. A little joke to remind you of last week there, Andy. Yeah. I say, I don't eat a lot a lot of tuna fish down there, John. Really?

Not a great deal, no. Oh, what a little bit of sea bass. Oh yeah? But not a lot of tuna going on. One next time I'll do that joke, and I'll substitute the tuna for the bass. Do that. The Obama administration has responded this week to public concerns that they are not doing enough, making it clear that they're trying everything from drilling relief wells to firing in mud,

golf balls and human hair to clog the pipe up. That's true. To sending down a fat scuba diver to sit on top of the leaking well under the strict instruction not to swim away until they've sorted it all out. And that's for the scale of this disaster, it is truly appalling. One media report here said, the leak has grown to nearly 19 million gallons over the past five weeks. If the oil filled gallon milk jugs lined up side by side, there would be enough to reach from New York to Chicago and back. You know what?

You had my attention there at 19 million gallons. I really don't think a figure like that needs to be put into any further arbitrary perspective. I think basically everyone understands that 19 million gallons of anything is a f*** of a lot of gallons. You're not going to find yourself confused when someone finds you up and says congratulations. I'm happy to tell you that you just won 19 million gallons of grapefruit juice The only confusion there is gonna be what hold on what competition did I enter that had that as a price? Immediately followed by thinking oh shit. What am I gonna do with my brand new massive amount of grapefruit juice? You are not gonna find yourself saying excuse me, but can you give me that information again? But this time in milk jug for

I'm absolutely no idea whether what you just said is a lot or not. In fact, can you please tell me how far my milk jugs of grapefruit juice would go if lined up side by side? And please express it to me in terms of a round trip. Otherwise, I'll just get confused again. So the milk jug says that's a relatively new form of measurement as far as I'm concerned.

Because I'm generally here. You go with the bottle. Football pitches. Oh, okay. Right. Or buses. Uh-huh. Yeah, it was tall as a bus. Yeah. When I went to a cinema screen the other day that said it was just tall as three buses. Right, so they could have said like a bus filled with oil. Yeah, how many buses filled with oil with that page on? Yeah. And how far would those buses go in a traffic? Would they stretch in a traffic jam? Right, there you go.

That might be a whole nother I'd do. In fact, the report then went on to say in the worst case scenario, if 39 million gallons of spill, the oil would fill enough jugs to stretch from the Louisiana marshes to Prince William Sound in Alaska. That's where the Exxon Valdez ran a ground in 1989,

spilling nearly 11 million gallons. Stop this bullshit now! That is officially more confusing than the basic facts express. In fact, if you manage to successfully unravel that mystery novel of a metaphor, you suddenly realise that this disaster is now significantly already worse than the Exxon Valdez. The problem is that by the time you've worked that out, another million barrels of oil have just been shot into the ocean, and another whole team are now working out whether the milk jugs

were now stretched to Utah or back or not. I really do wonder, Andy, whether the manpower put into coming up with stupid analogies like this, would be better diverted into coming up with ways to stop this f***ing leak. Because the complexity of imaginations on the show seems to suggest that if successfully hardest, this could all be over by now, at the very least they should all take their stupid milk jugs down to Louisiana and start scooping some f***ing oil out of the gulf with them.

One of these milk jugs made of. I know, are they porcelain? I'm guessing a porcelain milk jug, Andy, I'm guessing you're classic por of these milk jugs made of. I'm guessing a porcelain milk jug and I'm guessing your classic porcelain milk jug. You've got to be looking at some spillages and breakages as well. I just don't think they've factored that in. If they wanted a more impressive distance they should have used maybe longer and thinner receptacles that could have laid end to end. Right. Maybe I don't know. Yards of ale.

You know, you know, the yard of ale. Yeah. Yeah. That would be good. You could get a Portugal. Yeah. Well, I think that would have made me pay more attention. Or maybe, you know, if they'd frozen it into cricket bat molds, how many, how many frozen

cricket bat, oil cricket bats with, I don't know if you can, can you freeze oil, Chris? I have no idea, I'm afraid. No, I'm not a scientist. I can look it up for you, like. That'll be great, Chris. Can you please ask, can you please find out if you can freeze oil and therefore if that oil could be frozen into a cricket batshake? If the answer to the first is yes, I'm getting the second is yes as well. I'm onto it. Thanks Chris.

All this speculation prompted one of our favourite ever bugle emails the following week. Comes from Dr. Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, apparently. So his email suggests that that might not be entirely true. He writes, dear John and Andy, on the subject cricket bats, you have my full undivided attention. I was struck by your question about the size of the oil spill in cricket bats. Assuming that the cricket bat is too inches thick,

4.75 inches wide, and 22.5 inches to all from total shoulder, and that the handle is 11 inches long and 1 inch in diameter. The volume of a cricket bat is approximately 0.973 gallons, thus using the US Geological Survey's estimates of 500,000 to 800,000 gallons spilled per day, estimate as of May 27th in brackets, we can calculate some vital importance to statistics. For the sake of simplicity, only the higher estimate will be used from now on. Every day, 822,247 cricket bats could be fashioned. Out of the oil, if these bats generated in one day were laid handled ato

They would stretch 435 miles This is enough cricket master stretch from London to Paris and back a total distance of 422 miles Or if you prefer for our North American listeners the distance from Boston to Toronto bracket 430 miles Very interesting. Yeah, or as of May the first 43 days after the start of the oil spill, there would be enough cricket match to stretch from New York to London 5.4 times, or from Caracas, Venezuela, home of Hugo Chavez, to Piong-Yag North-Carrie, home of Kim Jong-il, and back, or from Tripoli, Libya, home of Colonel Goodaffee,

to Harare, simple away home of Robert McGarby, five times. I hope this puts this disaster into better perspective for all of the listeners, except for the Americans, who probably think that a cricket bat is a terrifying, flying, blood-sucking mammal that rubs its legs together to make chirping sounds at the bat. Since early Dr. Mami Damand in a chat, brackets and yes, he does have a doctorate in engineering. So he could, well, I guess it could have been right from him, although his pro style, it's not quite as inflammatoryametrician expect from him. I love everything about that email Andy.

Everything about it. I love the joke at the end of our cricket bats. I love the intensity and the amount of statistics. And I love the fact that he hasn't even said who it's from. That is what a great email. There you go, little bit of science. On 2, 2011, when someone caught a great big giant rat. Run away, Serb News now.

And if you're one of those people that buys cans of milk with the photographs of missing European war criminals on the back, then one face in particular has been stirring at you over your cornflakes over the last decade. Racko Mladic, but no more. Racko has thankfully been found and returned to the loving arms of the war crimes trodging on the plague. Such a heartwarming story, Andy. They're so glad he's back. Yes, right. The man named after his father's pest control business has ironically himself been caught. And like a freshly trapped household rodents,

now faces being extradited to the back garden or the hage and smashed on the head with a brick or prosecuted for 15 counts of war crimes. But let's not assume the man is guilty, John, before due legal protest seemed to carry it out. Oh, okay. I guess, I mean, it doesn't look good, before due legal process is being carried out. Oh, OK. OK, yeah. I guess, I mean, it doesn't look good,

parading around, gloring in your own brutality for most of the early 1990s. Does raise a few question marks about the man. But, and I guess even the most ardent racco fans would have to admit that his behavior has been at best poor and certainly pretty questionable. But he has passed a fitness test and is fit to be extra-dited to face justice for some of the most debominable actions of the

late 20th century. One thing for sure, any international fugitives are having a bad bad year, 2011, in a bin Laden now there, 16 years on the run, from Laddich Chandi, or not so much on the run as living in Serbia the whole time without really big bothered by the Serbia authorities.hi, or not so much on the run as living in Serbia the whole time without really big bothered by the Serbian authorities. It wasn't even 16 years on the jog, and it was more 16 years on the pleasant afternoon stroll. On the running machine. On the treadmill. On a slow moving treadmill. 16 years on the treadmill. He faces accusations including a genocide charge over the killing of about 7 and a half thousand Bosnian Muslim men and boys at Srebrenica in 1995.

Good luck, O'Jane, you way out of that one, Ratco. Lightning is going to have to strike 7,500 times in the same place for you to dodge this one. But as you say, to our mates and sisters of Royal Wedding, John, it's just been one unending festival of killing or capturing the world's most wanted men. First, Bin Laden, then Ryan Giggs, and now Ratco Milattic. Since Royal Wedding, John, it's just been one unending festival of killing or capturing the world's most wanted men. First been Larden, then Ryan Giggs, and now Raccoon Milavitch. What were in the magic wears off, John? I think William and Cateringen have to divorce and remarry at least once every two months just to keep the world safe.

Well, you know why I'd be happy about that idea. Oh. Detonate the abom someone get the codes. Apparently, Mladich was living under an assumed name in a small village in Northern Serbia. Apparently he was not in disguise and was very cooperative. So now, disguise Andy, I've got to say that slightly disappointing, pretty low grade effort from the salty serve there. I suppose to be fair to him, Radavan Caraditch had set the bar pretty high with his herbal medicine Santa Claus costume. But if management put half as much efforts into disguising himself as he put into slaughtering innocent people, he might

still be on the loose today. This is undoubtedly a big moment for the Serbian people. We've not only been waiting 16 years for this, but we've also had to suffer through him living quite openly in Serbia, especially until as late as 2001, eating in expensive restaurants, even attending football matches, even signing autobiographies called Ion Ratcom Laddich by the actual Ratcom Laddich.

But perhaps the most infuriating moment was in 2009 when a bunch of home videos in most of him in these videos he was singing, dancing, drinking, playing table tennis and even taking part in snowball fights. And it really has been a big week for the sport of ping pong. That just shows that you can have good and bad publicity. They've got both the President of the United States and a Serbian war criminal, both on tape enjoying the sport. I guess it supports their claim that table tennis really is for everyone, Andy, whether you're a democratically elected head of state or a tyrannical military leader who is responsible

for the Srebrenica massacre. It's just a fun game. Some more details have emerged of the life led by the bell-bred bastards, the Serbian shipbag, the Yugoslav Yugoslav yourself. Oh, very good. He apparently used to own a goat called Madeline Albright. You're eating now. Please, that's not true. This is true, yeah. Well, I mean we've all been there, but Yeah, yeah, apparently named all of his goats off to the Western leaders who confronted him during the war and

It's not entirely clear why unless he was pretty abusive to those goats. Maybe you just wanted to win himself off Goat's cheese. I can't eat this. It's come straight out of Madden or Bright's others. I guess that's gonna put you off your lunch But it's true. Have you found it? That is weird. Yeah May 2012 was a very exciting time, particularly if your hobby was collecting vials of former American President's blood. Reagan blood news now and a violent front with Reagan's blood was put up for auction this week and bidding reached more than $30,000 until the sale was suspended after the Reagan estate threatened legal action. Now, the item in question is a 5-inch glass vile which contains traces of dried blood.

It's said to have been taken from a laboratory that tested Reagan's blood for lead in the days after he was seriously wounded by an assassin in 1981. And that really begs the question, Andy, what would you do with a vile of Ronald Reagan's blood? If you bought it, would you wear it on a necklace around your neck as a conversation piece? It would certainly be quite an icebreaker on a first date. Oh, what's that around your neck? This, it's a vile of Ronald Reagan's blood. That'll either be a great icebreaker or a great iceformer. In the way, you can in no way you stand very quickly.

He said bidding had reached 19,000 pounds in real money for the blood, which believed to have magic properties, John, including the ability to rehabilitate a flagging political party. The ability to wear a silly hat without it detracting from your air of authority. And also, the ability not to notice dodgy arms deals to Iran was happening outgoing every man kind of personality to make bringing down democratic elected government seem kind of fun again. Efficiency of the officials claim the blood was taken after Reagan beat death 1,000 in that famous assassination attempt in 1981. But it was in fact, or can really exclusively on the the the bugle spat out into a hotel basin by Margaret Thatcher when she put her

human teeth back in after a summit meeting in Washington in the mid 80s. It's been been on by various interested parties. These included the celebrity chef and culinary experimentalist extraordinaire, Heston Blumenthal, who is playing a new dish featuring a presidential blood catch-up alongside a sausage made of... well, don't worry, don't worry what it's made of, it's the taste that counts. What did happen to Abraham Lincoln's body anyway? Also, interest was the celebrity artist Damien Hurst who wanted to put the vile of blood in the cardboard box, get a school dinner lady to sit on it, and then call it the

remorseful sanctity of departed hope. Mikhail Gorbachev, who wants to touch up the blood spatter mark on his head from his first meeting with Reagan when they headbutted an argument over a chess game. And the Chelsea boss and Russian oil plutocrat Roman Abramovich, who's rumoured to be thinking of playing the vile of Ronald Reagan's blood on the left of a five-man midfield next season. But the leading bid at the time that the auction was cancelled on grounds of basic taste was Mitt Romney, who apparently thinks that a transfusion of Ronnie Blood will give him the credit bill of boost that he needs to win the presidential election in November and start

legislating America back to the 20th century. Credit bill of boost. That's a functional word. It is. Yeah. I mean many it saves you a syllable, isn't it? Freeze up a bit of extra time. It is. You say that a million times, then that's not an insignificant amount of time. Other items in the auction of interest included an entire bucket of Nixon's saliva. Apparently, he would dribble a lot while thinking decisions through in the Oval Office and kept a special bucket next to his desk so as not to completely soak the carpet. Also 12 points of Kim Jong Il's tears. The famous movie buff kept labeled pint bottles of his own tears and which film had made him weep them.

Half a pint on Bridges of Madison County, three points on finding Nemo and four points on the killing fields, but apparently those were tears of laughter. And also two and a half tons of Flora's Nightingale's toenails, apparently she had to cut them every day they grew so fast, just one of the details that made her so hot. Oh yeah, hello no. Also available at sea on various auction sites today. Further, bodily fluids, the urine squeezed out of Francis Drake's balls trousers back in 1588. If I make slightly recycled one of my favorite jokes

from the department. Yeah. Some drool, mocked from Yasser Arifat's chin from the first time he laid eyes on Madeline Albright. Oh yeah. And the cold sweat from Neville Chamberlain's forehead from when he read what Hitler had actually written on that piece of paper.

Well, it's not the first time that President's blood has been off the cell. Calvin Coolidge's blood, in fact, is still used as the basis of a homeopathic remedy for an addiction to making chicken noises. That's a fact. Here's something I read this week, John, about the Republican campaign. One of their advisors is a guy called Grover Norquist. Do you, are you, are you a buddy of his? I would say a buddy, I'm aware of him, Andy. He has a famous pledge that he makes people sign, which basically stalls democracy for the next century.

It's a good guy. He's a good guy. He said they stay today. It's all to the earth, Andy. Apparently, his day today is to make federal government so small that it could drown in a bathtub. And that, John, is the kind of imagery that could only have been concocted by someone who has drowned something in a bath. And just one year ago in Hang on, let me do the maths, it's 2014 now, take away 2013, Britain's future was cast headlong into constitutional mayhem.

Top story this week, Rainbow Roundup, it's Gugugugainews! into constitutional mayhem. And it has been a race to the bottom of the barrel this week in terms of fear mongering of the most fabulous kind. First on our homophobic hike, in Britain, a man called Lord Norman Tebbet gave a spectacular interview. Now, if you don't know who Norman Tebbet is, first off, congratulate. You must have lived such a wonderful life up to this point. What has shamed that that's all about to change? Norman Tebbet is a man who is the personification of everything that is wrong with the UK's law chip system. Because if he can be elevated to the title of Lord and have that title be

given to him in a non-sarcastic manner, something is tremendously wrong with Britain. He looks exactly what you think a man called Norman Tebbit would look like. Do an experiment now. Picture what you think Norman Te called Norman Teppet would look like. Do an experiment now. Picture what you think Norman Teppet looks like immediately. Now Google his name, click on images, see, you're completely right. Yeah, Teppet gave an interview to the big issue in Britain, which was immediately surprising.

It's a paper which was created to give homeless people the chance to earn a legitimate income And I believe the only legitimate income that Norman Tevye believes homeless people are good for is working as logs on his Anyway, the only way this interview makes sense It is if you were to either completely wasted or as we're recovering from a huge concussion or both because otherwise It seems like he permanently checked into the hotel crazy town. Now, I realize I think giving these three of those things

actually happened. I realize I'm giving this quite a big build up, but Tell me it is about to deliver. On writing checks that he's about to over cash. He went on a rant about Prime Minister David Cameron's intent to plow ahead with legalizing gay marriage, saying that it opened up the possibility of a lesbian queen giving birth to a future monarch by artificial insemination. Let me just give you this exact quote, because you're probably thinking,

no way, there is no f***ing way he said that. He said, and brace yourself, when we have a queen who is a lesbian and she marries another lady, and then decides that she would like to have a queen who is a lesbian and she marries another lady and then decides that she would like to have a child and someone donates sperm and she gives birth to a child is their child heir to the throne? Andy, I would like to spend just a moment inside Norman Teppett's head just to see what the world looks like from in there and then I'd like to get out as quickly as possible. I'd basically like to bungee jump into his mind, dip my head in there and then get to the f*** out. I think it's mostly just little people riding around on bicycles. But I mean, this is the ultimate, I think you've been harsh on him, John.

I think this is like a classic philosophical quandary. When we have a quim, who's a lesbian and she marries another lady, they decide to have a child with donated sperm is that child there to the throne. That's a philosophical quandary to set alongside things like Schrodinger's cat, which I think was if you have a cat and it gets a bit mind-sy, but is otherwise fine, whilst next door's cat has kidney, liver and bowel problems, but has nice fur. So you kid that next door's cat, do a full body fur transplant, so your basically healthy cat gets a lovely new coat. Is your cat still the same cat? It's, or Ockham's razor, which was Ockham, it's very famous for the soft hair, I'm a bit rusty on this, it's been a while since I did any philosophy. But I think

it was, Ockham has a beard and suffers a cranial injury that impairs his mental faculties, so he goes out to try and buy a razor, but ends up in a pet shop buying an iguana which he then teaches to graze the beard off his face and that he keeps in a jar by his patient. Is the iguana a razor or not? So when it sits very much alongside those great philosophical and ponderables but it does also suggest them, John, that why is he speculating on whether or not there is going to be a lesbian queen? And I think the reason is he has inside information on Prince William and Kate Middleton's imminent baby

Because clearly I mean they probably had they must have had scans done on it They must know what's coming out and clearly Tebets got some inside of political gossip that has shown that the Royal Fautatina is in fact a lesbian. Now I'm sure William and Kate won't mind us in pretty modern and well-adjusted, but it is a constitutional Pavlovajom. What are we going to do in this country with our new lesbian baby queen? There you go, that brings us right up to date. As I said, we should be back with Bugle 270. This week, do check out our SoundCloud page, SoundCloud.com slash the hyphen Bugle, and

keep your emails coming into info at thebuglepodcast.com. No further questions. Yours sincerely, and exultant, undisputed 2014 Bugle Pool Champion. Bye!