The Bugle - The Bugle plays away: Bonus Bugle

Episode Date: September 7, 2018

Some bits sneakily kept back from recent Bugles recorded live at the Edinburgh and End of the Road Festivals.See us live in London in London, Salford and Dublin in coming months.With@HelloBuglers@Aliterative@MrNishKumar@AnuvabPal@ProducerChrisMore episodes and info on our website: http://thebuglepodcast.comWe are proud members of Radiotopia Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Hello, Bugles, and welcome to sub-ep episode 4079 CodeName Alpha of the viewer. It's week off time to try to give the world the opportunity to take a few moments for itself, without us telling it off for being so naughty, and hopefully pull it together a little bit for the run-up to Christmas. So for your audio delectation this week, we have some more choice morsels that were deemed too choice to be broadcast at the time you recorded them, but have now subsided to accept more and more importantly safe levels of choisness. Right, let's crack on with this week's sub-episode show with bits of other shows. Chris, crank it up. We'll have a quick bugle feature section now. And...

And this week's bugle feature section is Sleep, which is something that many of my audience have enjoyed over the years. And... Who here likes sleeping? You betrayers of the words of John Bon Jovi. Now, a reporter shown that inadequate sleep causes $400 billion of economic losses every year in the United States. It results in 1.2 million lost days of work each year. I mean that is at $400 $400 billion a year. Now the global terrorism index puts the

economic cost of terrorism globally at around 100 billion per year and bad sleeping, 400 billion in the US alone. So I would say, take that bin Laden. You dead, beardy bastard. People needing a snooze is more of a threat than you could ever dream of being. You have been owned by the things that keep people awake at night. Television awkward marriages and worrying about the future of Tess Mites cricket.

That is, you've been schooled. A number of, cause I mean, a lot of people actually do blame John Von Jovy. Well, because he famously sang the Great Lyrics, I'll live while I'm alive and sleep when I'm dead in the song, Sleep when I'm dead. But let's look at how his life has panned out. He released in the 1980s four albums in less than five years.

Then there was a significant gap to keep the faith, which included sleep when I'm dead in 1992. That was one of only two studio albums that Jovey produced in the almost 12 years between 1988's New Jersey and of course, Crush in 2000. This decline in productivity is a classic symptom of insufficient sleep. Now, it can be caused by lifestyle and social factors, but in the case of Jovi and his

bandmates, was the result of a philosophical belief in the pointlessness of snoozing. Since Crush, he's released only six more albums in 18 years, so the evidence really is overwhelming. I mean, the thing is... Oh, sorry, it's just one every three of that is well down on their well-rested healthy and days of the 1980s. Well look, they churned almost one a year but they were still young enough then that when John Bond's mother Doris Jovy said, John Bond put your pajamas on and go to bed, I don't

care if you're a platinum selling rock star or not you do as your old young man, they did it, they went to bed and they got this this news can't argue with science people you cannot argue with science I have a feeling Andy John wonder of you forgotten their career they might call you in for a quick recap I don't understand how sleep can be costing the economy in that way because I'll be honest with you I've slept about three and a half hours in this entire festival and it has resulted in me putting so much money back into the economy in coffee and kebab. If I wasn't awake at three o'clock every morning I wouldn't be currently pumping money back into the

economy via Palmyra on Nicholson Street which is thank you and outstanding kebab house and also the only restaurant currently in the United Kingdom to feature a picture of me on the walls due to a consumption of shawarma that the man who owns the business described as borderline heroic. Well, I think that's the first time in Buegel history that someone has been applauded for eating a showarmor kebab. On this day in 1977, the big ear, a radio telescope, but Ohio State University, received a radio signal from Deep Space. The event is named the WOW signal.

After someone wrote WOW on the paper printouts of what was received, there was a 72 second burst of radio waves. You don't need to be a rocket scientist to know that. You just need to have wiki-pedia. Apparently, originated from the constellation Sagittarius and was represented on the printout as the Alphanumeric sequence, 6EQ, UJ5. Now, if we got, there is, that is the sequence, that was the closest we've ever come to receiving communication from outer space. Although there are now various explanations that suggest it was not some alien message, one suggesting it was just a pair of comets, no big deal. Another suggesting was, in fact suggest it was not some alien message. One suggesting it was just a pair of comments, no big deal.

Another suggesting was in fact it was in fact a planned alien invasion that by the time the signal was relieved had in fact already happened around about the year 1BC. And the letter 6 EQ, UJ5, represented the votes cast by the aliens for the name of the alien baby child that was to be implanted into humanity to disrupt the planet for the next 2000 plus years. There were six votes for Eric and Quentin, five for Jesus, and also five for Ursula, how different history might have been, had that one. We can only assume there was some kind of recount or repassage or casting,

because of course, as we now know, Jesus did win. Others think that this is in fact a football score from the Sagittarius constellation, but came through in the wrong order was the result of a match on Sagittarius between Espel Tibo, Aquila Quarence and Jebel United. Just came through a bit jumble after a thrilling 6-5 victory for Quarence that was by all accounts the most exciting match of the history of the entire Sagittarius constellation. And the signal was in fact a radio phone after the game.

Next week there is another bugle live and this, we're not recording it in a woodland clearing at midnight. We're recording it at 9.30pm at the Leicester Square Theatre. On Thursday, 13 September, I will be joined by an all three syllable surname cast, representing Britain, Europe, the Northern Hemisphere, and all of the world's women. It will be Tiffany Stevenson, and on behalf of the Southern Hemisphere, the Pacific Ocean, and everything in and on it, and men in general, James Nakeiser. And we will also be welcoming back the disembodied cauliflower brain of Donald Trump, which will no doubt have some interesting things to say about the Machiavellian plottings to

bring down his presidency being waged against him by, amongst other shady forces, his own behaviour and words. That's at 9.30pm, Thursday 13th September, Lester Square Theatre, tickets at LesterSquareTheatre.com. Other forthcoming shows include another bugle live at Lester Square Theatre on 14th November with Nish Kumar and Felicity Ward. On 7th October, the Lowry in Sulford with Alice Fraser plus AN other TBC, only a few tickets left for that one, and on the 8th of October will be at the Sugar Club in Dublin with Alice and David Odochety. And from the 18th of December to the 5th of January, I am back at Soho,

with the latest instalments of my year by year definitive chronically of this planet, 2018 the Certifiable History, tickets now available on the Soho Theatre website. Oh, and oh, and I'll be doing a stand-up show in Toronto on the Soho Theatre website. Oh and I'll be doing a stand-up show in Toronto on the 20th of October. That too, more details to follow soon. Well, you've been waiting for the goat news all these years. Alice, you are our goat's news correspondent. Yes, apparently according to science, goats can judge human expressions and they are attracted to people who are more smiley, which is a great thing for goats unless the person is smiling in anticipation of eating a delicious goat. But as with all of these science studies, it's more complex and at first appears, the effect was only significant when the happy-faced photo, they put two photos, goat chose the happy one, but it was only significant when the happy-faced photo was placed on the right-hand side.

When the happy photos were placed on the left, go chose no significance preference either way. So, the researchers think this is because goats are using one side of their brains to process the information. I think it's important news for right-leaning goat-luring aficionados. In other goat news, a Minnesota couple of pioneer to goat yoga, where they lure three dozen people to come to a residential area of Farada in Minnesota

on Saturday morning, and just have their yoga repeatedly interrupted by goats. Apparently many said afterwards they could not wait to try it again, and some have arranged to bring goat yoga to their houses Charity Cooper as of Alexandria said this was great. We just came to play with goats and maybe do some yoga It does start this this research on goats responding to happy I do I guess suggest that that whole trauma with the trolls was very much a learning experience for goats as a species. But it does also make you think, what the fuck are scientists

doing? If they have time to investigate whether or not goats respond to smiley faces before finalising that fucking cure for malaria. Concentrate scientists. We want any scientists in? What kind of science do you do? Pharmacy. Pharmacy. That's just witchcraft, isn't it? It's just... Are you NHS fans? I don't like the NHS. Clearly a lot of problems, particularly with junior doctors, new government, just breaking news. Actually the government's just announced a new scheme where they're going to force junior doctors to take their patients home with them at weekends. LAUGHTER So they can get the full 25, 8, 3, 6, 6, NHS that we all dream of.

And, of course, there's going to... A lot of junior doctors, early in their careers, kind of, for their own places, still live at home with their parents, so it's going to lead some slightly awkward situations. Mum, is it okay if I bring someone home this weekend? Oh, have you met someone new, darling? Not exactly, his name is Reginald, he is 98, he has Alzheimer's and a colostomy bag.

Oh, very modern. Well, as long as you're both happy, darling, that's all that counts, but I'm not gonna tell your father that he'll absolutely sure he's ready for it. Right. It's more going news. More going news, far away. That's all that counts, but I'm not gonna tell your father that I'm absolutely sure he's ready for it Right, more go news. Oh more go news far away It was the championship game of cock borough in Kergistan in Bishkek Which is a traditional sport popular across central Asia in which horsemen battled a drag a goats carcass towards a goal

That sounds like an awesome sport Alice. That's basically rugby, but a bit less violent. And with a dead goat. Well, I mean, it's the only sport we get to eat the ball afterwards. And what happened in the final? Was it a good game? Someone won. Not the goat. Brush your teeth. He's not only one of the most important phrases in the entire vocabulary of parenting, but it's also something you should remind yourself to do almost as often as you remind yourself to listen to the bugle. Both are unquestionably the most important part of your day if you want to stay healthy. Quip knows that and their team of dentists and designers is focused on helping you take

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Quip starts at just $25 and if you go to getquip.com slash bugle right now, you'll get your first refill pack free with a Quip Electric toothbrush. That's your first refill pack free at getquip.com slash bugle. Right, it's time for some more sub-episode action. Are you cricket fans? Give me a cheer for your cricket fan. Congratulations on your entirely correct lifestyle choices. Why do you not like cricket? That's no fucking excuse.

Other than the fact that here's what you could have had. Instead you had baseball which is essentially cricket for people who cannot or will not think. As many here's what you could have had things in America for example, the Queen. Who would you rather have the Queen or Donald Trump as your head of state? She is technically our head of state? She is technically our head of state. She's just not technically our leader. Listen, Uncle Sam. Or are you just very insensibly breaking some very important news to us?

I regret to inform you that she's still technically art head of state as well. I mean, I actually post-Brexit. I mean, that could be quite a...is Prince Philip clearly... he's not getting any younger. Let's put it like that. And, I mean, when looking to build global alliances, could we be looking at some kind of romantic link up between Her Majesty the Queen and Narendra Modi? LAUGHTER Wow, I think I just lost my erection forever. LAUGHTER

That's an easily my favourite Kenny Rogers song. LAUGHTER That's an easily my favourite Kenny Rogers song. Oh. Yes. What's that? What's that? What's that? Well, I'm looking forward to after this gig.

Daddy, I've got a few questions. Right. Like the Empire Randy, the spot-gast is falling apart. Well, that concludes this week's Bugle sub-episode. We'll be back next week with that Bugle Live from the Leicester Square Theatre in London. Until then, goodbye! you