The Bugle - The Bugle Review of 2021

Episode Date: December 19, 2021

A year we'll never forget! Sure, there's been a global plague but lets not forget the other highlights - the storming of the Capitol Building, the American war on women's rights, and the Afghan withdrawal!However we've also had the chance to talk about two guys getting it on with a Creme Egg, the British royal family and a man who, er, put a flare in his bum.Some things to tell you:The Bugle Ashes Urncast is here: http://pod.link/UrncastOur new site is thebuglepodcast.comThis show has no ads, support us via our website with a regular or one off donationBuy a loved one Bugle Merch Follow us on YouTube or Insta and see parts of this show with actual video.The Bugle is hosted this week by:Andy ZaltzmanNish KumarAlice FraserNato GreenTiff StevensonHari KondaboluDavid O'DohertyBaratunde ThurstonAnuvab PalChris AddisonNeil DelamereFelicity WardAditi MittalMark SteelTom BallardStewart LeeAnd produced by Chris Skinner Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Dancelaguard fans, you will be thrilled to know a book is coming out if you fund it via Unbound. We are publishing the Dancelaguard Reader by Alice Fraser and Dancelaguard, a glorious insight into the world of Dancelaguard, self-published romance maven, and online bestseller. If you would like to find out how to support it, go to thebugelpodcast.com. If we get enough support, we will publish the book. That's a real thing that's going to happen. Thebugelpodcast.com to a real thing that's going to happen. TheBuglePodcast.com to support the Danciler Guard Reader. The Bugle, audio newspaper for a visual world.

Hello, Bugles, and welcome to your end of year 2021, 2021 Special and what a year 2021 it has been. There will be a live bugle recording next week. We are recording in Melbourne on the 22nd of December. There's also a bonus actress for high show on the 23rd of December if you want to come along to that. And in on the 4th of January we've added a live bugle earlier in the evening on the 4th of January before the Saturdays for high show. Before those shows however let's remind ourselves of all the great things to have happened in 2021. All done, let's look at some of the other stuff now and let's start in January with events in Washington DC with Mark Steele and American civilization correspondent, a role which you've embraced with great enthusiasm over the past four and a bit years. In fact, you were on the first bugle after we relaunched just before the election of President

Trump. So just bring us up to date with the recent events in Trump's America. I mean, let me first say, will the aliens get here already? I, this is the time. We're weak, we're diseased, we're destroying ourselves. This is the time. You know, there's a lot of things one could say about Trump, but the man can make an exit. I mean, he leaves with a bang, bang, bang, bang, bang.

Wednesday started great. You know, it didn't start out all shit. I actually felt optimistic for about an hour because the Democrats won the Georgia runoffs, which gave them control the Senate, the House, and the presidency, which is a huge paradigm shift in American politics, because it changed the question from how Republicans going to prevent anything from being done, to how are the Democrats going to f**k this one up? That's huge. Yeah. Yeah.

Very big victory also. It was Rafael Warnoch and John Osoff and they beat Kelly Leffler, who's the most racist NBA owners since Donald Sterling. And David Perdue, who is a generic rich white guy from casting. American politics needs more of them, doesn't it? I mean, he'll be back. He'll be fine. They're currently bathing in gold coins so both of them refine

uh... but warlock and also uh... one again which is exciting i wish the headlines read republicans get knockoff but nobody decided to uh... i was for you and i don't write jokes like that i much appreciated that's that's been the best thing that's happened to me this year. A black man and a Jewish man are now the two senators of the state of Georgia, which to explain how likely that is. The only thing less likely is if they became senators in the country of Georgia. So I was in a good mood until I put on the news about, you know, sometime in the afternoon.

And I saw the Capitol under siege that colonizers were getting restless. They were, the Capitol was raided by Trumpers, prod boys, and would appear to be extras from Mad Max, Fury Road. Also potentially some tourists who saw a line and just gotten it. I think that's how the British Empire started actually. If we go back to the very beginning of this sorry story, of course. After months of claiming the election was stolen in years of being a piece of shit, Trump released the crackin. They smashed through the doors of the capital and went onto the Senate floor.

They went into Nancy Pelosi's office and sat in her seat. Things were destroyed in stolen people took Selfies of themselves or as they're now known self-incrimination ease Some were armed some had handcuffs Two IEDs were found IEDEDs, of course, are improvised explosive devices. You might be familiar with those since they were found in a rock during the most recent war we had with them. When we claimed that we were trying to bring democracy over. If the people of Iraq had seen this footage from last week beforehand, they probably could have said,

don't worry, we have that here already. It was true. I mean, I think one of my favorite point, if you can have a favorite, that seems the wrong word. But at that rally that you mentioned before the violence kicked off, as Trump was still to him was throwing his toys out of the prime by toys. I mean, violent supporters and out of the Pram

I mean directly up the road to storm the Capitol building He called the election result bullshit and at which point the crowd then started chanting bullshit bullshit and I think that might have been peak irony in human history Trump's crowd chanting bullshit bullshit at Trump might, I think that in fact might be the basic, the moment that all civilisation essentially ended. It's over. There's nowhere for the human race to go after this. Especially as, well it's just so out of character of it. It just shows you it's always the one you least expect. It's an end up causing trouble isn't it? All his neighbours, well he keeps himself to himself, you know. In February, vaccine news dominated in a way that's not at all relevant now, I'd say.

Top story this week. Vaccine roll out begins. Well, globally, this is very exciting news. COVID, the virus, which has proved such a disappointingly tenacious little shit over the past year and a bit. So stubbornly reluctant to give into the kind of short term is grandstanding political bombast that so many countries have come to depend on to work their way through difficulties could be set to face its toughest opponent yet belated global cooperation because the Kovacs scheme has begun the global

initiative aimed at achieving something vaguely approaching equitable access to COVID vaccines for the less economically advanced advantage nations of the world. Provided, of course, there's still enough for some countries to get one over on other rival countries, for example, Germany by finding one aspect of the virus, we cannot spectacularly f*** up more than anyone else. So, I mean, Nish, you are a global vaccination correspondent and have been since the very first time you appeared on this show.

Indeed I have. I've been waiting for this portfolio to best route. This is, it's interesting news. This whole project tells us quite a lot about the world in general, both its good points and its bad points. Yeah, I mean, the positive headlines, which we should open with under the current climate of general, providing gloom, is that 600,000 doses

of the AstraZeneca vaccine have arrived in Ghana and making Ghana the first country to receive coronavirus vaccines through the COVID vaccine sharing initiative. Now my first question is, guys, why are we giving them the vaccines and why are they not coming from Wakanda? I've seen Black Panther.

There's absolutely no way that that guy wasn't able to knock up some sweet viruses and put them in vibranium vials. Secondly, Andy, let's take a moment and enjoy the fact that this is a good new story that involves the West bringing viruses to Africa and it's not ending in everyone dying. That is, that is not historically where the direction of travel that that has gone. White people turning up with viruses has not traditionally ended well for people of my skin hue

and darker, frankly. It's been an absolute shit show. There is a sort of story that's been bubbling under in the last couple of weeks in Britain about how certain black and minority ethnic groups are having a lower than expected vaccine turnout. Now obviously, as a member of a minority ethnic group living in Britain, I wanna make it clear

that I will absolutely be taking the vaccine when it's offered to me. I can't wait, I'm just gonna shove it up my ass and hope for the best, okay? I'm excited to receive the vaccine. However, white people do need to understand that we are not exactly crying wolf here and there is something, ancestrally concerning, about a white guy approaching you saying, I'm just going to put some

disease in you. It will definitely be fine this time. While, you're all trial skims have a few teams in trouble. Let's even if they were a couple hundred years ago. What box? No, never mind. Yes. Oh, that's great. I've been, what I've been concerned about the language of the Kovacs situation.

And maybe it's an English, English to American English translation. But when I read the Kovax scheme, that doesn't inspire a load of confidence. It sounds conspiratorial and nefarious. And I sense a bit of backpading by British press about this rollout. Ghana Nation of 30, 31 million people is getting 600,000 doses of the remainder vaccines.

And it's just, I think, for any colonial power or former. Real progress is when you start with the former colonies and work your way back, rather than waiting to give the leftover vaccines to those who you've ruled over and determined the fate of and in some ways. On the side, aside from this scheme to spread vaccines around the world, rich and powerful countries have been tying up and stopping their supplies first because, well, I mean, we were far-sighted enough to have become rich and powerful in the first place. And what would have been the point of that if we don't cash in our membership benefits at club

global privilege and club inequities, legacies of history, when we need to, you know, that's just how these things work. The World Health Organization has warned that the inequitable vaccine distribution could extend the pandemic and cause avoidable long-term economic and travel disruption for years and years, as well as potentially facilitating the rise of more funky and fruity new COVID variants. But still, from a British perspective, we're winning! We are winning! Go Team G8R Syringelite, Layden Dustworld! We are winning! Team Gp! That is the most enthusiastic I've seen from a British person outside of a football arena in quite some time. True emotion.

Yes, indeed I am a prophet. In March, Arch Royalists, Tiff Stevenson and NATO Green joined me. Royal news now and well since we're on the subject of wasting public money, it's time to look at the later situation in the Royal family here in the United Kingdom. And for anyone worried about Britain, in this post-Brexit, post-divorce phase, worry no more because the vital signs of life are still there. The definitive proof that Britain lives on alive and well because we are still tearing ourselves apart over the Royal family as it tears itself apart. Now, there's very few things that

genuinely bind this country together, Tiff, but Medieval feudalism remains one of them. I'm over the past week. The country's been divided once again into fundamentally people who couldn't give a flying f*** about the internal squabblings of our symbolic non-executive figurehead family and those who do give a flying fuck about it. I'm not sure there's a bridge between those two halves of the countries. I think there is, I think there's a, I like abolish the monarchy which is me but also at the same time, I quite like Meghan and Harry. And I view them like we don't need the royals anymore, we've got celebrities now. Let's just go like the America, the Americans and just have celebrity families. We don't, I mean, it's been an

interesting week because back in 2018, myself and a little known comic called John Oliver, both did bits on TV about why, both did bits about, well, answering the question of are you excited by the Royal Wedding, which I was asked multiple times, and by Americans, like kind of, because I think Americans assume that British people are generally on board with the monarchy, and when I was asked, you know, like, was I excited about the wedding? I said, no, how would you have to feel if you had to pay every time a card ashing, got married? Like that's sort of how I feel about royal weddings. I, I, I'm following this as an outsider to your shenanigans.

So, and I'm trying to follow who people are. So, but so, but here's where it looks like if Stephen Fry was a sausage casing having an unallergic reaction to itself. I didn't watch the Oprah Winfrey interview with Megan and Harry because, well, I'm 46 and, you know, I'm not really an adult in any respects in my life, but I have grown out of giving a flying one about stories of princes and princesses and castles and magic hats and Families being appointed by God to do a specific job for an infinite number of generations So that is my one concession to adulthood and I'm just not my view of the royal family It's very much like someone's view of snooker who doesn't like snooker I mean the similarities are obvious. I don't really care what happens. I don't understand why it's on TV so much. I'm slightly confused by the strange old-fashioned clothing.

Most of the countries don't really like the idea of it. It will be nice if it's a little more diverse and it's probably a matter of time before China takes the whole thing over. So, yeah, I can see that people do like it, not my bag, nothing against most of the royal family's individuals as outdated historical relics go, they're fine in the grand scheme of things, if you overlook the perpetuation of the socially corrosive view that you can be born special. And I'm prepared to do that just this once. But I think the problem with this is that, and why this is called such ruckians, is because the royal family is a beacon of Britishness and in this interview it was really an assault on some of the absolute pillars of British traditions such as not talking openly about mental health, not calling out racism and of rich and powerful men's wives being

nice and quiet and not saying anything. Now those are three book walks of our history and society and they rode roughshod over them so you can understand what some people have got very cross about it. I love that feature of British news coverage that were the buildings talk. Buckingham Palace is speaking to 10 Downing. 10 Downing had a certain rebuke to Buckingham Palace. The palace would like a word. Buckingham Palace in 10 downing or spooning. April now, the sexiest month in the mind of T.S. Eliot, he was a bit odd. And also, it was a very sexy Easter as revealed by Tom Ballard. There's been an advert featuring a same sex kiss on a Cadbury's cream egg advert, and it has caused all manner of holy meltdowns, Tom. You are contradicting the laws of Almighty God

corresponding. I'll bring us up to take that. Thank you, Andy. I'm finally feeling the segment. I've been waiting for my chance. Ben, be in coach. Yes, look, this is an advert, this is sort of Kit-Ran in February,, basically two men are sharing a cream egg. They're celebrating the 50th anniversary by both kissing each other and sharing an egg between their mouths. While a voiceover says, we are down with that. Of course, bigoted zealots like Andy Zoltzman would rather voiceover simply say, down with that.

That's not how he's out of sitting it through. But 30,000 people signed a petition to try and have the ad withdrawn saying that it was offensive to members of the Christian community, which, you know, I thought it was pretty kind of tame and I, it's just two guys kissing, you know, I think if they really wanted to offend the Christian community, they could have shown five guys f***ing each other's f*** holes with giant chocolate dildo f*** eggs. Well dressed as giant f*** bunnies, shoving f***ing covered f***ing crucifixes and each other's f***ing buns,

shooting their f***ing cream all over each other's f***ing, as well as furiously f***ing the f***ing out of each f***ing f***ing balls and f***ing out their own f***ing f***ing trees. You know what I mean? That was just like... Right. That maybe could have worked. LAUGHTER So I mean...

But I see... I mean, I do ask this, you know, respect... Respect respectfully as a Jew, Tom, but why do your people hate Jesus so much? On to May now, and here is a D.T. Mittal explaining how the Indian administration took aim at the scientific community. Top story this week. Well, chaos in India, as D.T. has already told us, it's a well-trategic and terrifying times in India. Narendra Modi, the Prime Minister, has taken a fair amount of criticism. I think it's fair to all be it not from himself. And accusations that the government is misrepresenting and suppressing the true numbers of cases and

deaths in the pandemic. And when you are obviously lying about the numbers of cases and deaths in a pandemic such as this, and those numbers are still absolutely horrific, it does suggest that things are really going very badly indeed. A D.C.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A.A It's increasingly difficult to sort of like shrug and grin at a lot of things that are happening around you. You're like, where does charity begin and the real life end? And so that, like as that line blurs further and further, last week we had the Lancet, which is a British Medical magazine that wrote a very skating editorial on Narendra

Damodar Das Modi's handling of the pandemic in India. And as a comedian, right now, it's kind of weird to talk shit about Modi because this is the first time in history that everyone is also talking shit about Modi. So it's a weird sort of satisfaction mixed in with sadness. And this is not the first time that the Lancet has asked the central government of India to do better. In fact, the first time the Lancet had written to the government of India was to describe the mental health impact of Article 370 removal on the people of Jammu and Kashmir, which happened on the day that we recorded an episode of Live in Edinburgh with you, Nish, which was about 200

years ago in 2019. I now know my history in Buehgal episode number. But at that point in time, people were pissed at the intervention of Lancet. They were like, who's this British ass magazine to ask us questions like, we're going to introduce our own magazine. And we're going to call it the Hacksaw, which is what our healthcare system has taken in the past few months. We're going to publish our own shill, okay? Like someone actually said this. They said, what do we care about?

What the Lancet says? It's run by Chris Lamo liberal terrorists. And like one, find a bunch of Chris's and a bunch of Lamos who agree on anything, try it in order to come together, far be it from something as organized as terrorism, right? And I'm a liberal, I'm a liberal I'm a liberal let me tell you I don't want to do anything I really don't want to be organized like when you say organized religion to me it's not a religion part that scares me it's the organized

I just this too much work but at that that time, when the Lancet had written about the Indian government, the same handles who were previously tweeting, hashtag boycott Lancet, this time were the ones asking for oxygen cylinders and remdesivir for their loved ones on social media. I mean, if there's poetic justice in this poetry, this is not the justice anyone wants or deserves. But really, this time, Modiji has displayed

a massive respect for the dead in India. That's why he's killing more and more of us. This time, Lancet told Modi to take responsibility for his mistakes. Now, this is a guy who hasn't taken a single question from the press in six years. So responsibility is a guy who hasn't taken a single question from the press in six years. So responsibility is a huge ask. At this point, the Modi government is as useful as a one-legged man at an asking contest.

Lancet told the central government to own up to its mistakes. And that is not going to happen because Modi himself has blamed a lot of his own mistakes on Pandit Jawaharlal Nehru, who is the first Prime Minister of Independent India. Like he has done it so often now that it's become a running gag on Twitter, like on Indian Twitter, couples upload pictures of their newborn babies saying Nehru did this. But Narendra Modi and his government have displayed a kind of vindictive nastiness towards science and reasoning that I normally deserve for my exes. It feels like science once slept with Modi, then call him back and then got married to the

opposition. I'm starting to understand the crisis now. Thanks, sir. So, in terms of what we're going to relate to, in June, we welcomed Chris Anderson to the Bugle family and he profiled the horny British, shall we say politician, Matt Hancock? I was in WS Miss this week looking for a copy.

All right, big shot. I'm flattered. Yeah, I've got the cast. I've got a voucher. I've got a voucher for a big, big bar of dairy milk, free with my daily mail. I was in there, I was in Smith's week. No, I wasn't looking for that.

I was looking for a socially distanced version of Hello Magazine called Hello Magazine. When I happened to notice an amazing issue of entitled, Thicki Monthly, and just under a picture of cover star Nadine Dorees holding a book upside down, with the words, this month's quiz are you Matt Hancock. So just a check. I bought it. Let me read it to you.

Question one, you find yourself in Boris Johnson's office in number 10 Downing Street. Opposite you is a talking haystack in an ill-fitting suit with gistanes by the half-open flies. It asks you if you want to be secretary of state for the Department of Health. Do you, A, politely decline on the grounds that there may be others better suited to the position since you yourself have the intellectual chops of a turnip with a face drawn on. Or B, jump at the chance in the deluded hope that the power you will wield might in some way fill the insatiable black hole in your soul that you first noticed when Emma Swinton, who you'd fancy since year seven, laughed at the fresh Prince haircut you just got because

she once said she thought Will Smith was hot. Question two, there is a global pandemic. You, a man no one in their right mind would trust to be able to spell PPE, let alone range billions of items of it, have to arrange billions of items of PPE. Who do you contact? A, a company which has made surgical items

for the past seven decades and supplies many of the largest hospitals in the West, or B, some guy called Marco, you met on Hugo Stagdo who was really hilarious and provided the nurses costume. You made the groom go on a pub crawl in who responds to your WhatsApp offer of a contract with a dick pick captioned, get it up your bum boy, three lowly loads of sainsbury's handle tied bin bags and an invoice for £180 million. And question three, 127,000 people are dead. Do you resign? A, yes, or B, of course not. Shame is for Catholics and Pussies. If you answered mainly A, congratulations, you're

not Matt Hancock. If you answered mainly B, commiserations, you are Matt Hancock. Please ask the person who helps you read this to explain to you that eventually the shit is going to hit the fan, bounce off the fan and get stuck between two pieces of bread and when that happens someone is going to have to choke down that foot long turdsob and smile. Stack up on Condon and Smack because that someone is you. The month of July brought the final of Euro 2020. Yes, it was in the wrong year, but England made the final in a spectacular way. Oh, and there was racism. Here's Nish Kumar. On the 8th of June, Garas Southgate, the England football manager and Latter-day Saint, and I will murder anyone who says otherwise, published a universally praised blog post explaining

that taking the neighbours and anti-racist gestures of the whole team had adopted after a long conversation within the squad where the black payers talked openly about their experiences of racism. Then there was a screeching sound that sounded like a beegee had taken a punch to the ball bag. It was in fact the screeching U-turn of the Prime Minister trying to get back into the nation's good books when he condemned the booing. However, his other ministers did not follow suit. Pretty Patel, the home secretary whose latest round of immigration reforms included the phrase,

and I'm quoting directly here, hey, guess what, Pincos? I'm going to deport that trouserless freeloader Paddington Bear, and he can eat his marmalade sandwich, his in hell for all I care. She said the booing was a choice for the fans and that she didn't support the gestor politics of taking the knee. Patel has subsequently condemned the racism suffered by the players and has been rightly put in a place by Igla Player Tyrone Mings who claimed, you don't get to stoke the fire at the beginning of the tournament by labeling our anti-racism messages gesture politics and then pretend to be disgusted when the very thing we're campaigning against happens.

You could have saved himself a lot of time by just responding, f**k you, you hypocritical piece of shit. I mean, it's a different show. I mean, obviously politics is not what it used to be. But, I mean, it does show where we've come to, that the fact that the home secretary was being schooled on issues of social justice and basic human dignity by the Aston Villa centre-back. That comes as no surprise these days.

That shows what we are in third millennium Britannia, doesn't it? Yeah, and it's not just pretty Patel. There are various Tory MPs who said that they were not happy with the taking in the gesture. One of them said that they would not be watching any of the games. Leanderson, he said that he was going to boycott the whole of the European championship in protest at the decision to take the knee because he said it showed support for a political movement

and rest alienating traditional supporters. And I think we all know what he means when he says traditional, hey, on an unrelated subject, my favorite Disney film is Snow Traditional and the Seven Dwarves. I'm a man. Non-animated film is traditional men can't jump. LAUGHTER In August, the Taliban took over Afghanistan, but on the plus side, Alice Fraser was thinking about Bitcoin and only fans.

MUSIC Moving on from the Taliban, well perhaps not coincidentally. only fans. Moving on from the Taliban, perhaps not coincidentally, just as the Taliban began to crack down in Afghanistan, the only fans website is cracking down on people junking and poking their assorted undercrops on their website. They are set to outlaw sexual explicit material on their site. This does raise the question, is only fans a stooge of Taliban oppression, Alice? Well, Annie, it's sort of an astonishing thing, only fans being basically synonymous with

selling pictures of your junk to strangers has decided that the one thing they are no longer going to allow is junk pics being sold to strangers. And it's sort of casting ripples throughout the internet. It's sort of an existential doubt. It only fans is not showing pornography anymore. What can we trust about the internet? We all trust so much. What will the future hold if it doesn't hold? 299 tits. 299 tits. Whoppers for a fiver.

I'm personally moving away from that site because I have a bunch of pictures of Delboy and Trigger and they're going up on only fans and horses. Which is the most bugle joke I've ever made. I can't. But apparently one of the reasons why they're pulling the pornography off the only fan side is because payment processing companies are increasingly putting their foot down about what payments they will allow to be processed and what payments for what. So these are a mastercard. Last year banned a number of payments to websites that were covering online pornography. It was, which, you know, I hate to agree with

Bitcoin maximalists. I feel like this, if not Afghanistan, this is a problem that Bitcoin might solve. Is it because they don't want you to get your pawn on a layaway? Is that like you can't buy pawn on a credit card? Well look, the thing about Bitcoin, if you use Bitcoin on something like OnlyFans, is you could watch so many young men masturbating about their Bitcoin. Of course, we should point out, with the God's OnlyFan, many young men masturbating about their Bitcoin. Of course, we should point out with the guy I only found that many users do use the site for the very interesting journalistic articles. Let's never forget that side of it. But if they did, take the Taliban on as an only fans members, gave them an account. It might help only fans

shed the idea that they're just a two bit exploitative filth broker if they could also prove that they can exploit hard-line religious franchises as well, so they can cater for the entire spectrum of human activity from sex to sex. Well, the problem with religion though, generally relucked to cults. The problem with the hardline religious sex though, generally reluctant to go down the only fans' path, they prefer to go with the everyone whether they're fans or not at all. So it could be some creative tension between the two franchises. Well, if it's a month beginning with September and ending in er, then you've got a pretty good chance that Texas is going to pick a fight with women and indeed in any other

month here it is explained by Alice with Chris Addison in uh... uh... uh... uh... ruling in texas uh... well i'm reading the american supreme court by an arrow five to four uh... majority uh... uh... texas law banning all abortions after six weeks of pregnancy go into effect this is already the uh... to republican side of the american political seesaw which is um... you are part of o'r ffyrddio'r ffyrddio'r ffyrddio'r ffyrddio'r ffyrddio'r ffyrddio'r ffyrddio'r ffyrddio'r ffyrddio'r ffyrddio'r ffyrddio'r ffyrddio'r ffyrddio'r ffyrddio'r ffyrddio'r ffyrddio'r ffyrddio'r ffyrddio'r ffyrddio'r ffyrddio'r ffyrddio'r ffyrddio'r ffyrddio'r ffyrddio'r ffyrddio'r ffyrddio'r ffyrddio'r ffyrddio'r ffyrddio'r ffyrddio'r ffyrddio'r ffyrddio'r ffyrddio'r ffyrddio'r ffyrddio'r ffyrddio'r ffyrddio'r ffyrddio'r ffyrddio'r ffyrddio'r ffyrddio'r ffyrddio'r ffyrddio'r ffyrddio'r ffyrddio'r ffyrddio'r ffyrddio'r ffyrddio'r ffyrddio'r ffyrddio'r ffyrddio'r ffyrddio'r ffyrddio'r ffyrddio'r ffyrddio'r ffyrddio'r ffyrddio'r ffyrddio'r ffyrddio'r ffyrddio'r ffyrddio'r ffyrddio'r ffyrddio'r people's wounds, which I mean Alice do you think this is, oh are we misrepresenting this? I mean it does seem slightly hypocritical. It's such a peculiar law Andy. I don't know if you've looked at the details of the law, but it allows bounties for snitches

like a weird pro-life video game where you just whack someone who's helping and their coins transfer to you. Me, me,ing, bing, bing, bing. But I know then one of those coins was a sperm and you have to quickly gestate your new baby to term and look after it for 18 years even though you don't know where that coin has been. If your grandmother was right all coins have been up someone's butt hole. Sorry, I got you right. Look, it's so badly written as a law. You have to assume that they assumed it wouldn't pass. It's like, it's very dog who caught the car and then had to figure out how to administer a rule that lets you basically just take $10,000 off someone involved in helping someone

in distress. It's completely incoherent, almost impossible to enforce. Unwheel the, it's like if someone just transcribed a drunk uncle's pro-life rant onto a napkin and then slammed it down in front of the Texas legislature and went, this whole thing before puking into a pot plant. That's basically how the American Constitution was written, isn't it? I'm sure the founding fathers were fucking happy. It was written in a Frankenbenny's on a Friday night. I just want to say in the rational society

where everyone gets all their tubes pegged at puberty, and then you have to do a test to get a child license. And it's a one question test, which is, do you want to have a child? And then they randomly select one social media post you've made, and you have to name your child that post in full. LAUGHTER APPLAUSE

Oh, I'm not being tricky for me. That means my first child would have been called Die Motherf***er Die. Um, DMD Zoltz. A'r 6 oes, a'r a'r a'r a a half and counting to get my head around it. You mean, if I want to go out and watch sport on my own, I've got to monetize it. What the f***? I mean, Chris, I'm not your massive fan of the brutal inhumality of American medicine, interest politics, what's your... Well, the thing is, my problem with this law, is that it makes it even more difficult to ask the age-old question, am I in Texas or am I in Saudi Arabia? Filing the ground, check.

Large areas of desert, check. Distinctive headgear, check. Religious lunatics are standard, check. Somewhat punchy attitude towards immigration, check. They're talking, but I can't understand what they as standard, check. Somewhat punchy attitude towards immigration, check. They're talking, but I can't understand what they're saying, check. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Hatred of women, masquerading as moral high ground, check. Really, the only way you can tell now whether you're in Texas or Saudi Arabia is to order some food

and see whether it comes with barbecue sauce or hummus. see whether it comes with barbecue sauce or hummus. October now, three words for you. Shrinkflation and Neil Delamere, ignore the end. Well, Neil, I think you are the Bugles Shrinkflation correspondent. Yes. Essentially, it's where the price of a product stays the same, but the quantity that you're getting for that price comes down. Yeah. Is that correct? That's pretty much what it is. Energy prices are going up. All the staple prices are going

up, so rather than some food company charging you more of the charging sim amount and they give you say five cream eggs as one example rather than six and you're meant to not notice this. It's happening all over the place. Even if you don't know, I bought a Terry's chocolate satsuma the other day by mistake. And this sort of stuff is everywhere. 90% of Britons in a recent survey said that they were annoyed at signs of shrinkflation.

And of course that was 95% last year. So even within the survey, this sort of stuff is happening. Right. But actually, the average height and weight of the people annoyed has also come down. Yeah. Oh, wow. Interesting. Yeah. It is happening. Everything is getting smaller. A couple of years ago, I went to... I like going to Scotland for my holidays and I went to the Isle of Sky and I went horse riding and the horses were huge and massive and muscular. And a couple of weeks ago I went to Shetland. Unbelievably disappointing I have to say. They were absolutely tiny and I think it's time

that we start protesting this. The riding roughshed, obviously. I mean, it is tragic. Multi-packs of crisps have come down from 24 packets to 22, which is caused riding on the streets, bags of peanuts down by 10% in size, eggs, down from chicken eggs to worm eggs, fizzy drinks and now 50% more bubbles, equating to 8% less liquid. Frozen peas and amosually hollow, the supermarket chain adequate has just launched its new just packaging range range which has absolutely no including whatsoever. I mean jelly babies I remember they were jelly adults. Yeah, next year it will be jelly embryos. We're getting a band in Texas of course. I was really

out of go this is the rest of the examples include walkers which cut two bags of crisps from a 24 bag multi packs while the price stayed at £3.50. Smith's frasals and chipsticks now sell in a pack of six bags instead of eight for £1.00 and Andy, I believe frasals and chipsticks was the original name of your double act with John Oliver, isn't that right? It was, yeah. Is that right, frasals? That is. Frasals and chipsticks are also his nicknames for his testicles. Oh really? Chipsticks are also his nicknames for his testicles. Oh really? Hmm, frazzles, frazzles is a bit more fast than loose for rules. He's actually gonna base a buddy cop movie on his own testicles. Chipsticks, I was one day away from retirement. I'm too old for this. I hang lower, come on. Yeah.

To be honest, my testicles are in retirement essentially anyway, so it's too close to home. Obviously, the pioneer of spring inflation was Jesus Christ who fed the 5,000, but did he fill the 5,000 questions at Remain? And it's much about branding, isn't it? Is it shrinking, or is it new Vel cuisine? Potato, little otis and potato. It's very hard to tell, really.

There's a way around this as well, because all these foods are gonna get more expensive, right? So why do we keep buying them? A kinds and craft and all the rest are going, oh listen, you're gonna have to buy our stuff and it's gonna be more expensive. Let's go back to the old ways. Why don't we make them ourselves?

I mean, you could buy Pepsi Max or you could get a smoker that you know to cough their tire into an aquarium. I want the pump put bubbles into it. That's, you know, Pepsi Max essentially. You know, do you want Capri so no, do you want to piss in some tinfoil? These are the questions you have to ask ourselves. Is it a rough, yellow? Is it some white dogs here? I mean, I think outside the box. Yeah. I'm looking at a few other effects, more shrink-flation happening across British society. Andy, the number of balls in a cricket over

will be cut from six down to four. The number of surviving beetles is expected to be slashed by 50% any day now. Andy's ultimate shows are expected to come with 45% fewer puns. And in fact, cost pressures are now getting so bad, the Met Police has had to slash any criminal investigations into allegedly pedophilic members of the royal family by 100% now. They're down 100%.

Which is a save a lot of money. It's going to save a lot of money. Moving on to November now, once again, the penultimate month of the year. And Boris Johnson got himself into a mess with rule-breaking politicians. Here's a previously unheard section with Stuartly and Felicity Ward. You know, and you've said that he's not, I can't put my wangies this until people complain. You know, people saying that one of the things at Swung, it was that most of the papers, even the Daily Mail, had come out against him, although Tim Stanley is not bad for the journalist of that ilk, but I think he writes for the telegraph.

He was on question time and he said that in trying to get Paterson off the hook, he said, I think the Prime Minister was motivated by a sense of decency, which again got laughter from the very sparse question time audience. So again, with hope, I think maybe people are just getting to the point where if it becomes laughable, it's difficult to come back from that, I think. If everything you say is just appears laughably absurd, maybe it's hard to come back from that. I've been trying to reach that point throughout my career. I thought I'd find myself thinking that you know a lot of questions were asked about, you know, the one from the green party said she does 80-hour weeks, how can you have two other jobs as well as being in the P&P? But if they can do two jobs, there are more important

extra jobs that need doing this until right now than being a sausage person. On the like, we need Laurie Driver, Spin Men, Pig Slushers. Or, you know, if you're really bad at being an MP and holding a second job, maybe pick one and be good at it. Yes, I know that's novel, but you're not like a single mum catching three buses to be a nurse in the middle of town. You do and find, so just drop one. I would like to see Dominic Rob having to slaughter a pig or a pretty Patel taking a flytip side for to a dump or James cleverly delivering a low load of Saviloi. I think they can step in to where those current job shortages and see. I wouldn't like to see pretty Patel at an abattoir though. The joy that she would have in her face as she worked through

the animals hoping that they were still a little bit alive, as she took their life. God, that's the second awfully bleak image that I take away from this. Well, that's pretty fatale. It's just a dark back out in the world now. Do you know about Angela Minister? The Angela Minister, Angela Richardson,

the junior minister who lost her job from... She's a Tory, who abstained from the vote. She didn't vote against it, she abstained and she lost her job. Her job has been reinstated. Do you know what department she works in? The Department of levelling up, that is the name of the department. And the quote that describes it is, the UK government has a department for levelling up which is supposed to support communities in the UK to thrive, making them great places to work and live. You could not make this shit up genuinely.

She was out of her job for 24 hours and then it got back when the... Then she levelled back up into... The problem they've got me, I know this isn't sensible discussion time, but the problem they've got is it might be increasingly hard for them to whip their own MPs into voting for these ridiculous unfair, lying things. If they think it's going to backfire in them, because it's going to be a U-turn 24 hours later, and they're going to have to write a second letter to all the constituents that complain to them, saying I didn't agree with it anyway, but I was made to do it. It was kind of a difficult position

to put yourself in. Yeah, there's a book called Animal Farm, and it's just starting to smell like that. Yeah. Owen Patterson said following his resignation, he wanted a life quote, outside the cruel world of politics. And you can sort of understand that. Looking at his voting record on the website,

they work for you.com. He repeatedly voted against paying higher benefits over longer periods for those unable to work due to illness or disability, voted against raising welfare benefits At least in line with prices Generally voted for reductions in spending on welfare benefits in general voted against loss to prefer equality and human rights Against measures to prevent climate change generally voted against equal gay rights and voted against ending financial support for Some 16 to 19 year-old and training and further education. So you can see why he wants to move outside the cruel world of politics because that.

Well, that first must have now have been thoroughly and legislatively slaked. December, I'm right in it right now. Thanks for asking. And here's a bit from the Bugle Ashes Earncast, our spin-off cricket. Thanks. So the bugle other side of 3000X Weeja record board, we can commune with the former baggy green skipper now. We'll just place the call. Warik Armstrong is that you? Are you there? Hello.

I'm trying to get hold of Warik Armstrong with former Australian cricket captain. He's busy. What do you mean he's busy? He's dead. You can be busy if you did. Sorry, I'm not supposed get hold of Warwick Armstrong with former Australian Gricky Captain. He's busy. What do you mean he's busy? He's dead. You can be busy if you're dead. Sorry, I'm not supposed to say that. It's just between us. Who am I speaking to? Aileen, I'm his wife, who are you? Hello Aileen, I'm Andy Zoltzon from the Bugle Ashes Earncast.

It's a podcast. A rockmate? You wouldn't understand. Can you get Warwick for us? I was hoping to talk to him for the asses preview. No, he's teaching Shalimane the great out of ball legspin. Fair enough. What maybe you can talk to us and Alina? What do you personally remember about the 1920-21 series as the wife of the victorious Australian

captain? Well, I remember Warwick scored three centuries. Well, that's tremendous memory considering it was over a hundred years ago now. Well, the thing is, every time he scored a hundred for Australia I used to let him take me out for tea at the at the tea rooms. Yes, yes, tea, aren't unforgettable tea. Don't forget when a six foot three inch twenty one stone man takes you out of the two or three times in the season. It must have been a very exciting time for you. Oh, it was. And for cricket of of course, coming back after the war. Obviously, the current Australian team have also had a bit of a break from the game.

What do you think Warwick would say to the Australian bowling attack if he were alive today? Well, I think you'd tell him to go hard and burns off stuff first up. Push him back with some short ones, go full at Milan, cut off roots run, square of the wicket and make him drive. Try to stop Nathan line crying when Ben Stokes comes in, fast and straight with a bit of induck at best. So, corridor to butt, don't give wokes any room outside the stump. Yorkers to Robinson and Broad and let Jimmy have a nod out.

Well, bang on point, sounds like he's still got it. We've still got it. I used to sit by the boundary holding up different cakes for different bowlers. And if he did what I told him, he got to eat him. And did he do what you told him? Have you seen the size of him? Ha ha ha ha! Gotta go now Andy, I'm meeting Joan of Arc, Regamer, Crippage. Well, Alien Armstrong, Mrs. Big Ship, thank you very much for joining us. Yeah, little B.A.T.

That is it, the all bugle review of 2021. Don't forget tickets are still available for my remaining satirist for high shows, 21st and 23rd of December in Melbourne and 4th of January in Sydney and the bugle live shows, 22nd of December in Melbourne and the 4th of January in Sydney

before the satirist for high show. Details online, where you can also buy bugle Christmas jumpers, I think unless they're sold out, which they might be. Bye-bye! you