The Bugle - The Future Is The Past (4198)

Episode Date: June 26, 2021

Andy, Nish and Josh tackle the big stories - aliens, cheerleaders and horny politicians.Buy a loved one Bugle Merch - COLD AND WET WEAVER T SHIRTS ON SALE NOW).Subscribe to Tiny Revolutions with Tiff Stevenson, episode one, with Armando Iannucci is out now.The Last Post, keeps appearing here. Follow us on YouTube or Insta and see parts of this episode with actual video.The Bugle is hosted this week by:Andy ZaltzmanNish KumarJosh GondelmanAnd produced by Chris Skinner with additional editing by Ross Ramsey Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Dancelaguard fans, you will be thrilled to know a book is coming out if you fund it via Unbound. We are publishing the Dancelaguard Reader by Alice Fraser and Dancelaguard, a glorious insight into the world of Dancelaguard, self-published romance maven, and online bestseller. If you would like to find out how to support it, go to thebugelpodcast.com. If we get enough support, we will publish the book. That's a real thing that's going to happen. Thebugelpodcast.com to support the Danciler Guard Reader. The Bugle, audio newspaper for a visual world. Hello, Bugleers, and welcome to issue 4,198 of the Bugle audio newspaper for a visual world. It's Friday the 25th of June 2021, and I am and these oddsman here in the shed of ever-lasting

veracity in South London just a couple of miles away from a room of absolutely no veracity whatsoever, from where I'm joined by Nish Kumar, hello Nish. Hello Andy, hello, buglers. Andy, do you want to break the news to the buglers or shall I? What? Saltzman is hanging out of his ass. The man. You're going to have slightly explained that to him.

The man is, no, I refuse to explain that to Americans. You could Google it. Andy's not really a term that I'm familiar with, to be honest. Andy's ultimate is incredibly hug over. Joining us from across the pod, no doubt with a vaccination status update as well. It's John Blumman. Hello, it's so nice to be here.

I've been fully vaccinated for a little over a month, and so it's just been non-stop heatonism in the God's hands, that's all. Just going into Pizzeria's in person to pick up my pizza, cautiously seeing one to three friends at a time. Just the world is my oyster and the oyster is still kind of close.

Who's this? Thank God you can get back to your real hobby, Josh, of making your post. It has been too long since you've been deprived of that basic human right. Oh, it's incredible. It's a rush. I am on the globe. Right, we are recording on the 25th of June, so it's happy 118th birthday to George Orwell, old Stevie surveillance state himself, he announced a renowned overestimator of the organizational capabilities of pigs,

briefly runner of the least profitable agricultural establishment in history, and most famous, of course, for his hilarious comic high school slasher novel about an American under 17s rowing eight and their cocks who drank a magic potion on their transatlantic flight to compete in Europe to improve their rowing, but it had unexpected side effects and they ended up devouring terminal four at Heathrow Airport when they landed. The classic of its type, 1984. How are you able to do this? Hanova. Tomorrow is the 26th of June and interestingly, nothing happened on the 26th of June, between the years 1597 and 1718, according to Wikipedia. And such, nothing happened on the 26th of June between the years 1597 and

1718, according to WikiPedia. And such was the lack of anything significant happening on the 26th of June during the 17th century that radical calendars advocated removing the day from the calendar entirely in favour of either the 32nd of September or more controversially the north of January in an effort to curb new year excesses. The disagreements over the future of the 26th of June understandably tore Europe apart, as of course did basically everything in those days, leading to the fifth Bavaria Castilian War from 1693 to 96, which was only voted the eighth stupidest War of the 17th century by a panel of voters convened by the University of Leicohl in 1700, losing out to amongst

other conflicts, the War of Oswald's testicle, the harpsichord War, and the War of the Inviolable Pumpkin. In the end, it was agreed to keep the 26th of June, but only at the cost of the 29th and 30th of February, after theologians concluded God got bored in the winter and had run out of steam by mid to late June, leading to the lack of events on the 26th. It didn't have the desired results, however, at least not for a long time. Only three things happened on the 26th of June over the rest of the 18th century, according to Wikipedia, and seven things

in the whole of the 19th century, which was quite an action-packed century by the standards of the time, before things were laterly picked up in the 20th century. But a bit of concern, there hasn't been an event on the 26th of June since 2015, according to Wikipedia, as if the world needs moral conflicts dug up again.

As always, a section of the bugle is going straight in the bin this week. Celebrity pugilism. We have a full celebrity fighting pull out supplement. Obviously, the, you know, it's got a media hit of the Millennium so far. Celebrities fighting professional pugilists. Nish, have you got, have you got any fights put in? I'm in a constant rolling fight with whitey. Anyway, after the recent sensational face pummeling dished out by the renowned boxing expert and shit head Floyd Mayweather, two professional performative Logan Paul.

The world is tend to hanging on its tend to hooks to find out which syllabus is going to be next to volunteer to have their moushes moshed for the pseudo-intertainment of the easily distracted, and we are just hearing a well, it is very exciting, this fight has just been confirmed, George Foreman against David Attenborough, which could be an absolute classic Attenborough,

of course, all of picked up some tips and all those animals he's been goading to eat each other for his entire TV career. Look for Tim dancing into the ring saying I'm a beetle I'm a beetle but will it be enough to see off the former World Heavyweight Champion and his collection of combat grills but also there's coming up the renowned Megatool and YouTube star PewDiePie that name of, of course, for a Pius Diogenes Pythagoras. He's taking on an M1 Abrams battle tank kindly lent by the US military. Whilst any available Hemsworth is gonna go up

against Brenda the Bower Constrictor from the Mid-deco to Reptile Sanctuary, she's underfeated in 65, of course. But I'll give you, hasn't faced a beefcake of the dimensions of a Hemsworth before. And just hearing that rock V-Rock is on, it's Dwayne the Rock Johnson versus a two ton cube

of Karara marble. The Dwayne the Rock Johnson surely has advantage in having won the toss and getting first go, but if he doesn't use those industrial drills to good effect, you can't help thinking he could struggle when the platform comes into use. That section in the bin. Top story this week, America is being invaded by aliens. That could be the conclusion of a Pentagon report into UFOs. Josh, as our

American alien life correspondent, bring us up to date with exactly how deeply the aliens are already embedded into American society and politics and how much time we all have left before they kill us all. Yeah, this is a big story. The Pentagon has an unclassified report about UFO sightings, which is terrifying, but not because of the potential for extraterrestrials. I'm more scared of what is the US military doing in the sky where the easiest explanation for people to accept is aliens. Like, you can't let the public know

we're using a proton beam to taryhole in the fabric of space time and it looks like a floating orb. Let's just say maybe ET Israel. So, there haven't been any confirmed extraterrestrial sightings. There are a few that are that are unconfirmed, like that are truly unidentified flying objects. So there is the potential that that they are extraterrestrials. But the Department of Defense hasn't ruled out going to war with space on the premise aliens might exist and could possibly have space-aged death rays of master's structure.

So, the officials have examined over 120 incidents from the past two decades, including three videos that were declassified last year and described as showing unexplained aerial phenomena. They seem to have investigated these just with slightly more enthusiasm and urgency than, for example, the Pentagon rights of the 6th of January. Tell us about the priorities of America as a nation in 2021. I mean, I think it's certainly like we don't have a problem with Caucasian domestic destruction. If space creatures want to come here and destroy us with lasers, that we've got to look into. But look, when the calls coming from inside the house, America will answer happily and invite the caller in. Or I guess invite them to continue staying inside. Who cares about CDD when you got UFOs? In the other American news,

the Democrats' attempt to re-write election voting law is blocked by a Republican filibuster, the bill known as the For the People Act, would touch on virtually every aspect of how elections are conducted, removing obstacles to voting, that disproportionately affect people of colour, reducing and controlling the influence of big money and politics, and limiting partisan influence over the drawing of congressional districts. Now obviously Josh, these all seem like, well let's put it in layman's terms, f***ing obvious things to do if you're a democracy fan and democracy does still have quite a lot of fans despite

it's piss-poor form over recent times, but fans are loyal in the sport. But the Republicans, I mean it's a results business isn't it? And I mean they're clinging on to these tools in their repugnant golf bag. That's true. It is a politics is based on results and the Republicans are doing an amazing job at ensuring no results from the sleds. The Senate Republicans didn't just oppose the bill, right? That's one thing if they vote just voted against it. But they, as you said, they filibustered to block debate on it, which means they hate voting so much. They refuse to even do it themselves in solidarity with

the people of color who's votes they were surprising. From the grand old party, this counts as a refreshing bit of ideological consistency. They're not voting, we're not voting. That is a slogan that has to be. I mean, we talk a lot about American democracy on the bugle and clearly all democratic systems have there, shall we say, inbuilt floors. But if you were designing a system from scratch now and you suggested all the things that are in place that the bill is trying to remove, you would be taken to somewhere quiet and told to spend 30 years alone with yourself until you've come to your senses, wouldn't you?

Yeah, I think some of these conventions of democracy, like the people who like them, cling to them as like, this is how it's done, this is the process, we have to have rules. And the people who don't like them, I think rightfully say, these were implemented 250 years ago by people who had never operated a light switch. So maybe it's okay to rethink. It does feel a bit like being a democracy fan in 2021 is a bit like being a Manchester United fan in 2021 in that you're largely existing on the memory of previous glories, and all your possible hopes are being hollowed out by some very, very rich Americans. I guess the difference with Manian Itons is at least they've won some things within the

last two and a half thousand years. A couple of Harris who is leading the White House's vote in rights push. Centre reporters that it is clear, certainly for the American people, that when we talk about the right to vote, it is not a Republican concern or a democratic concern, it is an American concern. Now, here is the problem with that. It absolutely is a Republican concern if people are going to vote. Given that their next election slogan is going to have to be vote for us in order to

die of disease and organ violence. The literal last thing that they need is for more Americans to vote. Of course, this is a group of people. This is a deranged cult of white supremacists and conspiracy theorists. Of course, they haven't accepted the election results. They have still not accepted the results of the civil war. They are still hoping that that gets re-litigated. These are people who watched Lincoln like it was Nightmare on Elm Street.

It's now just feeling like the idea of democracy is being mocked, right? Like, Democratic Senator Kirsten Sinema has rejected the calls to eliminate the filibuster, which would allow Democrats to pass more legislation with a simple majority, winning a vote, rather than the 60 vote threshold that's in place. And even the phrase simple majority, sounds like, like we're being mocked, right?

But when you idiot, you can't even pass legislation with a simple majority. What kind of democracy is this? None nuts. There are Republicans arguing against the acts. Josh, it seems to me that they say it represents federal infringement on states authority and the states right to conduct their own elections without fraud or more accurately with the level and type of fraud that states right to conduct their own elections without fraud or more accurately with the level and type of fraud that they like to conduct their elections. Is that something that we should just let them get on? If they want to be fraudulent, surely that's

their own democratic choice to undermine their own democracies, isn't it? I mean, it just the level of hypocrisy to be like, a woman has no right to govern her own physical body, but we can take any liberties with the electoral body that we want. It's just like truly horrifying, and that sums up so much of Republican philosophy. Well, I mean, when you talk about the hypocrisy, Mitch McConnell called the bill a solution looking for a problem. It crews dismissed it as partisan legislation written by elected Democrats designed to keep elected Democrats in office.

I think that rates a full 2.1 Chernobles on the hypocrisy target. New York Joshua Ulivis, having its Meryl election and what former Mayor Rudy Giuliani's just this week had his law license suspended for quotes being a massive fucking ages. So what's happening in the the race to follow in his glorious glorious footsteps? So we had our mayoral primary election, which is basically the election Because the Republican candidate won't win and now that I've said that I've certainly conjured a victory in doing But in our it's our first step towards sending our current mayor six and a half foot tall stack of blank paper Build the blasio off to be ineffectual at things as a civilian. Like he's going to fail at changing light bulbs and helping old ladies to get

cereal down from high shelves at the grocery store. The city this year implemented ranked choice voting, which means that people can include up to five candidates on their ballot in order of preference, so that conceivably you can vote your conscience and vote pragmatically. And this kind of ballot really feeds into New Yorker's favorite pastime, having incredibly detailed opinions about things that don't matter to people anywhere else in the world. As an outsider to this, it was interesting looking at the various candidates. I thought that Maya Wiley had an interesting platform of investing in public housing

and increasing funding for education and homelessness, but depressingly it looks like she's gonna be edged out. And maybe the mistake Maya Wiley made was to not grasp the only thing people wanna know about from a New York mayor. What are their policies towards the Ghostbusters? Are they, pro or anti? Where do they stand on the ninja turtles?

Heroes in a half shell or sewer based menace? We need to have the answers to these questions. I truly think you could get elected mayor in New York City by being like, I hate when people do crime and having like a good bagel order. That like truly is enough. Cheerleading news now and at last. Well yes it's a topic that's not been covered, it's been remiss of us actually on this August audience paper. Huge news in cheerleading, 18-year-old cheerleader who has won the right to say to save softball at the age of 14, which

is obviously enshrined in the, I believe it's actually woven into the underpants of the Statue of Liberty as well. But it's, cheerleading obviously, it's very, it's arguably the most American thing. It's a very demanding, gymnastic discipline as well as being gender stereotyping monthly magazines, sports of the millennia, six millennia in a row now. So just, again, just finish it on this story a bit. So this cheerleading story went all the way to the Supreme Court. A cheerleader in Pennsylvania was suspended for a year at because she made the Junior Varsity Squad as opposed to Varsity and she

posted on Snapchat, F*** school, F*** softball, F*** cheer, F*** everything. Which rules? Although it is sad that kids these days are so dependent on their phones that they didn't even know that they don't even realize, that's the kind of thing you can just scroll in the back of your notebook. You can't remember. Visit ConzaConsum.com. It's just too online. I really, truly love this story.

We do so many stories here that make me feel despair and I love you here. And this is like, even a Republican dominated Supreme Court, they ruled eight to one in the favor of this young woman. And I can't wait to see how this is perverted. This ruling is perverted and twisted to destroy the nation in the future. But thanks to Mitch McConnell, the court is full of Republican ideologues who make rulings like teachers can't talk about Palestinian liberation, but bullets are free speech. When employees unionize, that is the same thing as enslaving their bosses.

Cheerleading unfortunately would never take off in the United Kingdom, because I can only imagine a group of British people being confronted by somebody with a lot of them and vigorous shouting, give me an A and just all responding, no. Boris Johnson Prime Minister described him as totally fucking useless. And it turns out that Hancock has responded by saying, you got the first two thirds of that right, right? Absolutely, on it. Put a mask on this, ladies, put a ronker down. You are our cabinet minister's big naughty correspondent, and it's just obviously been a very busy day for you, keeping up with

the latest. Yes, and what I would say is, I embrace yourselves to this, because I would say that my writing process for today's view goal has been fairly comprehensively derailed, because this morning, as Andy has alluded to, the health secretary, Matt Hancock, the man who puts the Matt Hancock into the phrase, another catastrophic error by Matt Hancock, has become embroiled in a sex scandal. The son newspaper obtained a photo from inside the Department of Health of Hancock sucking face with one of his aides like teenagers, apparently. To be completely honest, I wouldn't know because when I was a teenager, I was too busy nailing nailing my A levels to bother with things like kissing or fun Hancock now joins the Hall of Fame of politicians court shagging who also have P-Nile names

The champion is of course former New York mayor or candidate Anthony Wiener. I suspect he will remain Undisputed in that status unless it turns out there's a French politician called Claude Pignis-Hole or a Russian bloke Called Demetri ball bag and listen I am not here to moralize about people's sex lives, but the optics are sub-part because Hancock, as health secretary, the person who's been responsible for our COVID response, has presided of a death toll of 128,000 people, at least 128,000 people. So the question we now have to ask is, is Matt Hancock sexually aroused by old people dying? I don't know. I'm just asking the questions. The real story here

is not that Matt Hancock, a man who seems to have had his capacity for charisma surgically removed and also looks like a child's drawing of an adult that's been brought to life by a witch's curse, has had sex. Neither is the story that, having seen the pictures of the woman involved and his wife, Hancock is punching like P. K. R. Mahamadali. The story is that firstly these pictures were taken before the guidelines were changed and the government was still encouraging social distancing from people outside your household. Right? Now, when the scientists now Neil Ferguson broke lockdown rules to do some sweet banging, Hancock said he welcomed his resignation. Secondly, the identity of the woman involved

is incredibly important. Her name is Jela Colodangelo and she's Matt Hancock's friend from university who he made an unpaid advisor who was then given a £15,000 a year role on the board of the Department of Health. She is also a director at Luther Penn Dragon, a lobbying firm who claimed to offer clients a deep understanding of the Department of Health. She is also a director at Luther Pendragon, a lobbying firm who claimed to offer clients a deep understanding of the mechanics of government. Some of the firm's clients have received millions of pounds in government money during the COVID-19 app. This coupled with the story about Hancock's former neighbor

winning a contract to produce medical supplies to provide having no previous experience in the area and a judge ruling that Matt Hancock acted unlawfully by failing to publish details of contracts awarded to companies that provided protective equipment is what makes this story so spicy. Basically, in one fell swoop, Matt Hancock has ruined sex and corruption. And the thing is, last November, the times when he actually hired this lady, the Times newspaper in London actually tried to break the story last November, because it feels like

a very, very blatant conflict of public interest. But it was met with widespread public disinterest. But now, in the photos, Hancock is to be frank, grabbing her ass like it's hell of full of vaccines. People are really starting to pay attention. And the Prime Minister has said that he accepted Matt Hancock's apology and considers them out of closed. Of course Boris Johnson is not going to sacraman

amidst allegations of corruption stemming from an extra-malotal affair because that would be like me sacking someone for being both brown and niche. And Hancock has presided over one of the worst death rates in the world. He should have been sacked over protective equipment shortages. He should have been sacked over his handling of care homes where untested elderly people

were sent to spread the disease and killed thousands of people. And the idea that he might be sacked for an extramarital affair feels a bit like getting alcohol on tax evasion. But what I would say is that to be quite frank with you, he's shown no inclination to resign, the government has shown no inclination to sack him. Because when it comes to this conservative government, Al Capone has got nothing on this pack of crooked c*****. Yes, well, I mean, it's a kind of straw that breaks the camel's back, situations, and you cannot break a camel's back if the camel's vertebrae are basically just sawdust already.

Yeah, in this case they're just blowing out the camel's back. I do like that. I do like that camel. The term ignores that he breached the social distancing guidelines, which is, you know, I don't know. Covid's brought many unexpected benefits to the world and new euphemisms for doing the deed. I thought handcork should have started out and been like, yes, I did

shaker and no, I didn't breach the guidelines. That's right. I've got a two meter ding dong. Labour's analyst Dodd sent to handccock's position was hopelessly untenable, which is sadly no longer a factor in whether or not someone should retain their position. Politics 2021, I'll at least get with the time. Hancock has asked for privacy on this personal matter, and I guess being openly hypocritical whilst in public office, isn't he the personal private matter these days? You know, it's done a little bit of nothing else. And what does you say?

Boris Johnson can't fire him because if he starts firing people for contraband smooching dereliction of duty and premium grade hypocrisy, it's going to not end up not only just firing himself but imprisoning himself in the tens and then Anne Bolining the shit out of him. Sport news now and well obviously only one place to start in sport this week, the match, everyone is talking about a fascinating clash of styles and cultures. A showdown for the ages soon to take place in London this year, are you excited? I'm very excited, but I would like to get you to actually say what it is because I have a feeling you're leading me in a trap. Right. It's the holo twins versus a relationship rugby final.

Thank you. You know what? Full me once by getting me to care about rugby, shame on me. Yep. Yeah. Quins back in the first final since 2012, which we covered exclusively on the bugle. Um, when they, well, no one else we had exclusive rights. Josh, yes, yes it was. And in this, it's, uh, it's a very exciting, a very incredible run to the playoffs featuring

back to back wins in the last play of matches when they had a play sent off. This after beginning the season, playing like a wheelbarrow full of forgotten haddock, then the headcoats left. They remember that sport doesn't have to be about the remorseless eradication of hope and joy, despite what the England football team and indeed quite on the cricket team might try and tell you. And since then, they've played almost severely brilliant high-risk attacking rugby, so spectacular that it's even been possible might try and tell you. And since then, they've played almost 3,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000, of our American listeners might find easier to comprehend, it's a bit like being in an NFL game and being 28-0 down. And they came back to win in extra time. It's supposed to be the best thing that's happened in the world in the past 18 months.

And if I may return to my catchphrase from when I was 14 years old, none gives a f*** about rugby. None gives a f*** about it. I thought this was maybe me just having an American perspective, but I'm glad to know that the perspective of not giving a fuck about rugby is roundly represented on this podcast. And it's kind of a deeper sense of the world. Now cricket is getting increasingly more popular. Zoltz would have had to abandon it for at the Christmas gifts.

If it's a system of athletic relativism, cricket's popularity is growing. I've not abandoned cricket in this. If anything, I've been doubling down on it. Literally professional level. There's also a football game going on on Tuesday. Nischingland, England, Germany. It's the big one. The big one. I mean, in terms of, you know, being a, being a newspaper football reporter,

this is what, what you dream of, isn't it? The chance to be, I mean, incredibly infantile about an England, Germany clash. Yeah, this is a great chance to lose all perspective about everything and to immediately equate a what is basically glorified Tidley Winks and to compare that to a world war which I was in 11 years old in 1996 when England played Germany in the European Championships that happened in Wembley a fixture and I think in a venue that is gonna be full repeated on Tuesday. And people just used it as a lovely excuse for some just broad racism against Germans in the newspaper.

So, I mean, I guess we're in for a sort of exciting 48 hours. Yes, and then the game will happen, and it will be on for the week before. Yes, that's England so far. I've had a 1-0 win, a 0-0 draw and another 1-0 win. They've had in three games, so what's that? Two hundred, four and a half hours of football. They've managed to kick the ball accurately at the goal six times and get it in the goal twice, whilst not letting their opponents kick it in the goal six times and get it in the goal twice while it's not letting their opponents kick

it in the goal. I mean, it's, I mean, I know the world, the world is, you know, it's, it's coming highly strong and needs to calm down a bit, but it's the right way to do it, to present sporting Mogadon to the planet and the people in the football team. I do think, I know the object is to win, but maybe they should let the other team kick it in the goal sometimes just to keep people watching Or get better at kicking in the goal yourselves. That's what you choice this Wow, wow Josh for you know for somebody said that they did on a side football You appear to have achieved the level of about 90% of people employed by British broadcasters to talk about football. I think actually we should kick it in the go more often.

Congratulations! You will be presenting the half-time coverage. Well I grew up around Boston, which is like the world mecca for obvious cantankerous sports covers. obvious can't take her as sports cover. On my sports coverage I was involved in yesterday, a rare outing on the television doing statistics for a BBC's cricket coverage. Someone sent me a screenshot. So because of COVID regulations, I can't be in the commentary box. I'm in a production truck outside Devana. They call it the Stats Cave and someone sent me a screenshot of the subtitles that had, now it's over to Andy in the stud cave. And I thought, yes. Andy's also in the stud cave. This is what my career has been leading to. This is what's diving a diamond of cricket cricket as a sport is so boring Andy is a stunt Well, it's better than the alternative which is Andy built the stud cave after dedicating his life to becoming

Stud man after viewing his parents tragically murdered my And you're the magic mic of cricket That brings us to the end of this week's Google. Thank you very much for listening. I'm feeling slightly recuperated after that Josh any other shows you'd like to alert our listeners to oh my gosh I'm doing some stand-up again. You can find out about, I know, you can find out about that at JoshGondelman.com. I have a podcast called Make My Day. And Deezas and Merrill on Showtime and Hulu is back. We took a few weeks off and we're back on television.

And I worked there, not just a fan. I was so excited. Because people were like, you really seem to like those guys. Like, oh no, no, no, I'm employed. You should be. And they do really like that. Also, I work there. Fish.

I have two comedy albums available called It's in your nature to destroy yourselves, parts one and two. And I have also got a tour on sale for the United Kingdom and you can find out all about that at nishcoma.co.uk. I there's a live bugle on the 7th of September in London. I did mention previously that I might be touring the UK in November. That is now up in the air due to potential other things. I'll keep going, I'll keep going, I'll keep going going, I'll keep going. So there's the link, there's a link, just click, just click a link and see what happens. Anyway, we'll see, we'll see everyone on the 7th of September and

on up to purple cow in London. Until next time, thank you very much for listening. We will now play you out with some lies about our premium level voluntary subscribers to join them and make a one-off or occurring contribution to keep the show free, flourishing, and independent, go to thebugalpodcast.com and click the donate button and buy the various bits of merch as well.

Seth Wilson managed to get a surprisingly long way in science without noticing that there is no letter R in the term Ionic bonding. I'd always assumed it was an ironic bonding between atoms that were getting together in a kind of sarcastic we don't really want to bond but we're doing it anyway kind of way. No one ever corrected me, and nothing that major has ever gone wrong, so it just goes to show. It doesn't really matter why atoms bond, as long as they get the job done, conclude Seth. Julian Martin, wishes ghosts would just leave it out, frankly. I don't like telling people how to live their lives as Julian,

but I'm prepared to tell ghosts how to live their deaths. And my advice to them would be, just let it go. Seriously, you're not making yourselves happy, you're not making anyone in the living realm happy, move on, find some new hobbies, or at least do something constructive, like taking some dead ghost dogs for a walk. Ben Amos finds his enjoyment of historical films significantly impacted by pondering over the sheer logistical challenges of basic existence in times gone by. I can't take these films seriously complaints, Ben. It looks like everyone would have spent their entire lives desperately trying to survive, taking ages to get anywhere and ages to do anything, so as soon as the plot gets much more complicated than person eats cabbage, I tune out and think this is a bit far-fetched.

Boton's Seaposs Apologies if there's any mispronunciation, has many time travel fantasies, foremost amongst which are arriving at the murder of Julius Caesar wearing full ice hockey kit, depositing hip-hop star Eminem in the year 1215 in England just as the Magna Carta was about to be signed, to see what happened and whether any of his lyrics made it into the famous constitutional document, and opening up a skateboard shop in Jerusalem in 500 BC. And finally, for his part, if Ashleigh Templeton had access to a time machine, he would just zip round pretty much every era of human life, wind down the window when he got there, pop his head out and say, what are you guys wearing before zipping off again? I mean, seriously

says Ashleigh, how come it took us so long as a species to learn how to dress? I mean, I know we're not ourselves flawless, that will come in about a thousand years time by my calculations. But roughs, for example, and the 18th century wig, come on! Ashley adds that he has no problem with the toga, which he describes as a quality effort. Here end if this week's lies, goodbye. this week's lies. Goodbye.