The Bugle - The Honey Badger Bugle

Episode Date: June 3, 2025

🎧 Support The Bugle! Get bonus shows, exclusive video episodes, and smug warmth at thebuglepodcast.com This week, Andy Zaltzman leads an international panel of Buglers through the chaos of politics, wildlife, and billionaire bromances—with a special focus on honey badgers, New Zealand’s political drama, and the heartbreaking (or not?) Musk/Trump split. Andy, Felicity Ward and James Nokise dig in to... 🦡 Honey badgers are fearless, chaotic, and possibly the spiritual animal of this podcast. We investigate their weird mythology and even weirder attitude. 🇳🇿 New Zealand politics is heating up—by Kiwi standards, at least. We delve into coalition collapses, policy oddities, and why it’s all oddly polite. 💔 Elon Musk and Donald Trump: the bromance is off. What happened? Who kept the merch? And can either of them survive without the other’s echo? ⚠️ Warning: This episode contains BS. You’ve been warned.📺 Watch Realms Unknown, now fully visualised on YouTube. Produced by Chris Skinner and Laura Turner. Possibly supervised by a honey badger. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The Bugle, audio newspaper for a visual world. Hello Buglers and welcome to issue 4343 of The Bugle, the planet's leading and only audio newspaper for a visual world. I'm Andy Zoltzman here in Bugle News Headquarters, a shed in my garden where we keep tabs on literally everything that happens in the universe. Well, I have a computer, so I could do that if I wanted to. The things I generally keep tabs on generally involve people hitting and throwing balls at each other.

Joining me to forensically analyze the latest week to have rightly consigned itself to the history books or to the history social media feeds these days I suppose. Firstly from here in London it's Felicity Ward. Hello Felicity. Hello. Just when you said hitting balls with sticks it took me all of my willpower Show us your back! Good is the answer to that. Oh, that's good. That's good. That's good news. And also joining us from basically as far away as you can get on this planet without

going into space in New Zealand, it's James Nakise. Hello, James. Woohoo! Yeah, I'm just cheering for myself being awake right now. This is amazing. Yes, we are recording at not entirely sociable hour New Zealand time, but a lovely sunny day here in London. We are recording on the 2nd of June, 2025, the anniversary, coincidentally,

of the 2nd of June, 1962, a day which saw one of the 20th century's most brutal conflicts, which is admittedly a hotly contested title. It's Chile versus Italy at the Football World Cup, a game that has gone down in history as the Battle of Santiago, a sensational match described by the BBC's David Coleman in a piece of footage that is one of the greatest things on YouTube along with the exploding whale. Coleman described it at the time in his report to the world as the most stupid, appalling, disgusting and disgraceful exhibition of football possibly in the history of the game. It's worth looking up by the sanitised, primped, injury-exaggerating standards of today's game. It's worth looking up. By the sanitized, primped injury exaggerating standards

of today's sport, it is truly extraordinary. Limb clattering fouls, body charges, fistfights all over the place. And that was just the first eight minutes until Giorgio Farini was sent off for kicking an opponent. It wasn't even football shaped, as some players were back then. The police had to drag him off the pitch. In the meantime, Chilean left winger Leonel Sanchez broke Italy's

Humberto Maschio's nose with a left hook. Not entirely footballing behaviour. After sending Mario David of Italy off for attempting to kick Sanchez in the head, the referee, Kenneth Aston, attempted to hack out a temporary cease foul, but after a half time of intense negotiations the match and the violence continued. Paride Tumburras charged at Chile's Eladio Rojas with a chainsaw, causing a partially lost shoulder and a significant bleed just outside the six yard box that confused goalkeeper Carlo Matrell when Chile took the lead, with a Jaime Ramirez header that skimmed off the puddle of blood into the bottom of the corner in the 73rd minute.

Francesco Janek, a student of Roman warfare for Italy, catapulted flaming balls of tar into the Chilean penalty area as Italy sought an equaliser, but Alberto Fuviu responded by galloping down the left wing on a horse, wielding a mace which he swung hard at Sandro Salvatore's temple, causing the Italy right back to need to be patched up with some cement and given an extremely potent triple shot of grappa before he was able to continue. Jorge Toro's decisive second goal in the 87th minute came after onorino Landa distracted the Italians by lobbing a grenade into the six yard box, enabling Toro to slot home through the cloud of smoke at different times.

And I've only very slightly exaggerated, and I've only exaggerated a bit after half time. So it's one of the great sporting events of all time. I didn't know how long that was going to go for, so I had a peanut M&M. Just the one or the full packet? I mean, to be honest, when I start talking about historical sport you can book in a three course meal generally. I'm surprised you get the guests in at the beginning. I feel like this is a pre-record. You could just do that up top with Chris. Yep. And call us in.

I generally think 4,000 episodes in and it's never occurred to him that we could just be here at the halfway mark. Because like his stories, that's when it gets interesting. Sing. Sing! That's what you're on the show for, Felicity. That's right. Comedy bing bong. I'm here. Back and forth. You set them up. I knock them down. On this day in 1839 in China, well China destroyed 1.2 million kilograms of opium that they had confiscated from British traders, which then gave Britain a reason to start a war called the First Opium War.

And we hear a lot from our politician about bringing back our glorious history. And I sincerely hope they mean the bit of our glorious history when we were the world's leading drug dealer the Pablo Escobar of the early Victorian era, Team GB. Well, here Simon's just announced that he wants to invest in more warships I think, more defense. I think it's time. It's actually the drug war that he needs to participate in more. Get the junkies, get the junkies involved mate. I mean, they're not on time, but they are motivated.

Yeah. You know what would help you deal with that cold winter bill that's coming your way in the UK is a little bit of OPM to take the edge off. That's what they did in Grandpa's day. Is it gold? I couldn't feel it. I can't feel anything. As always, a section of The Bugle is going straight in the bin. This week, film reviews, the big summer blockbusters that have been released this week. We review Ethel the granny sniper four. What a follow up this is with her new high tech bionic elbow smart eyeball and invisible mobility scooter. Can Ethel continue to save the world by surgically

assassinating the world's most dangerous baddies? If you've seen the first three films, you'll know the answer. Almost certainly. Yeah. As long as she takes her meds and has a good snooze after lunch and the intriguing romantic subplot as Frank moves into The nursing home is he really Ethel's old boyfriend from 70 years ago? Or is he a Russian Android spy agent hitman purporting to be the non-engineering who Ethel had heard on quite good authority died of a Heart attack playing cribbage more than 10 years ago with all the graphic violence fruity language creaking joints and bond like medical accessories that fans of the fruity language, creaking joints and bond-like medical accessories that fans of the EGS franchise have come to know and love. Ethel the Granny Sniper 4 promised to be the biggest grossing movie

worldwide in the over 75s demographic and of course the original computer game is also onto its sixth iteration this summer. Ethel the Granny Sniper from Zs to Zombies promises to be thrillingly brutal as always but also with poignant reflections on the nature of mortality. Also we review Badgergeddon 3 Roadkill Revenge, fairly self explanatory, the CGI recreation of the Badger Battalion destroying a six mile traffic jam on the A46 is set to break the franchise record for human body count. And it's a great film. Badger leader, Badger's hammer claw has never been more deadly with his new retractable tungsten scimitar tusks and ability to mutate from badger to bollard in under a second. Can Britain's last line

of defense the badger proof team secret police cadets flannel and gooch stop the marauding omnivores from destroying the nation? Or will badger's hammer claw be brought down by internet Indonesian conflict in the badger community sparked by an influx of American honey badgers intent on world domination, led by their golden pelted leader, Dinald. It's not the most subtle satire in the Badgergeddon franchise, but you know, it works. At three hours and 25 minutes, and with even more questionably anthropomorphized Badger sex scenes than Badgergeddon 2, which remains banned in more than 98% of the country in the world, Badgergeddon 3 won't be

for everyone, but it will be for someone. And that someone is almost certainly you. And finally, we review Horace and Clark, painstakingly accurate adaptation of the 1952 World Snooker Final between Horace Lindrum of Australia and New Zealand's Clark McConnachie. Played over two weeks at the Holdsworth Hall in Manchester, clouded by the aftermath of the death of British King George

VI just a couple of weeks before. Can the two players set aside their personal grief at the death of the monarch to focus on the best of 145 frame contest, playing 12 frames a day in their quest to become the first player from outside the British Isles to win the coveted world title? Or would they be distracted by unquenchable feelings of romantic attraction towards Britain's beautiful new young queen? The scene in which Lindrum clinches the match in the 110th frame, taking an unassailable 73-37 lead, despite experiencing erotic visions involving a coin and the young monarch's face coming to life and refereeing the match looks set to be the most controversial scene of the cinema year,

but it is unquestionably artistically impressive. The film does fizzle out a little. The match continued for two more days after Lindrum had taken the winning lead. He eventually won 94-49. Fact, genuine fact, the final two frames I couldn't be arsed with. But it's nice to see a history-based film actually stick with some facts for once. Although whether Christoph and Eisenhower did actually meet in the crowd on day six of the game to discuss what would happen after Stalin died the next year, that's for historians to argue about. So when I said painstakingly accurate, I meant the recreation of the actual snooker scenes

is painstakingly accurate, as well as the clothing and decor. And that's all you can ask for in a film. Anyway, those were our three films of the summer here from the Bugle Film Department in the bid. It's such an Andy Zoltzman flex. And that's all we've got time for this week. To... It's such an Andy Zotsman flex to get a Kiwi and an Aussie on the podcast and then drop

a specific bit of sports knowledge that neither the Kiwi or the Aussie have any f***ing idea of what these are about. We played pool for the Queen? There is so little of what I understand when I come on this show. So little. Just here to feel dumb. That's my purpose. I'm like, I hope no one knows this.

I hope it's not just me. Look, I see the purpose of the bugle as to not just entertain but to educate and you know it's very much the BBC's Reithian values and to be honest young people today don't do enough about don't know enough about 1950s snooker and you know if no one else is better. The problem is Andy I'm from New Zealand it's going to be a comedy club gig where some dude's going to stand up and go, Oi, I'm McClone Eccles's great grandson and your mate's a dickhead. And then what do I do with that mate?

That's true. I've got to say, I really perked up when you included honey badgers. I'm like, now I'm listening. Let's talk. I love honey badgers. They're like the animal equivalent of a hobbit where once they've eaten, their intent, the next thing they think about is where their next meal comes from. All they think about is eating. It is extraordinary. And they have no regard for their physical health they are so interested in eating sweet things I don't know how many documentaries you've

watched on honey badgers I watched a few if you couldn't tell and watch them look at an entire beehive and go this isn't gonna be good but I do love funny and then they go in and they're just getting in stunned to f**king dead they're like god damn it this is really on me but I love funny and then there's an amazing part this is the best this is this is my one of my favorite things of any documentary ever a honey badger started eating a snake and the snake kept biting him in the face but the honey badger had like a locked jaw and was like eating his body and both of them just slowly dying figuring out who is going to die full and you think they're both dead and like the documentarian has been following this particular honey badger for like three years is crying it's like two hours later she's figuring out what to do

and then the honey badger was actually just paralyzed by the snake the honey badger comes to looks around and the first thing It does goes that's right. I was in the middle of lunch And then continues to eat the snake I'm met a metaphor for the history of human commerce. That's capitalism. Have we got time for the top story? No, I think if you just want to do some plugs then we can wrap and go home, yeah. Don't get me started on honey budges, that's the same as getting Andy started on history or cricket.

Can we keep this show focused? No! When have I ever been focused? Well a top story now and it's almost like we're desperately trying to avoid the appalling realities of the world. I mean, it has been another tricky week for the Northern Hemisphere, with war, brutality, failure, human rights atrocities, genocide and genocide-related pedantry winning out once again over hope, truth, happiness and the idea of human progress. So instead for our top story this week, we're popping south of the equator for New Zealand news now and James.

James, I mean, we joke about, about, you know, war maybe too often on this podcast, but New Zealand is on the brink of what could be, you know, a defining conflict between fur patrol and the government. Fur Patrol being, as I'm sure you'll explain, a prominent rock group. Yes, it's all coming up, Milhouse, as we say over here. Andy, the Fur Patrol, now there's a lot of different names here, so I'll try and summarize. Essentially, the Aotearoa New

Zealand Music Awards was last week. The leader of the house, Chris Bishop, was at those awards. We are unsure if he was there as the leader of the house, of the government, or as just a fan, because he was wearing a fur patrol t-shirt. During those awards, there was a performance by a beloved Māori artist called Stan Walker. Now it's been an interesting time for Maori in New Zealand, so there was quite a lot of Maori sovereignty, pro-Maori paraphernalia during his performance. The leader of the house, he did not like this, and he may or may not have been drunk, but he was definitely holding a beer while wearing his fur patrol t-shirt. He said very loudly, what a load of crap. Now, he went on quite loudly about this all being a load of crap to the point

where an older gentleman turned around and said, shut up, dickhead. And now that is the worst insult you can say in New Zealand culture. It's a bit like Australian rules, for the sea bombs as far as the eye can see. But if you call someone a dickhead and you mean it, that's a fight. So what we've now got is the leader of the house calling a prominent Māori musician's performance crap while wearing a Ferb Patrol t-shirt.

And this old gentleman has called him a dickhead. And it turns out this old gentleman is a guy called Don McGlashen from a famous New Zealand band called the Mutton Birds. And he is beloved. It's, I'm not sure what the English, it's a bit like Cliff Richard calling someone a dickhead. You don't expect to hear the word dickhead come out of his mouth, but to be called a dickhead by Cliff Richard would just haunt you for the rest of your life. So Don McGlashing calling the leader of the house a dickhead about heckling a Maori performer, it's national news. The deputy prime minister has come in

and said that obviously it's the leader of the house's right to say that it might be crap. It could have been crap. Art is subjective. The prime minister has weighed in and said that the leader of house has always been a big fan of New Zealand. The prime minister has weighed in on this. I cannot stress that enough. It is as close to civil war as New Zealand has been. To add fuel to fire, third patrol,

the people on the T-shirt have come out and said, even though he was wearing our T-shirt, we do not in any way, shape or form support him saying that things were crap. This could be deferred New Zealand civil war after of course the Māori wars and the Auk Elven wars of the early 2000s. Obviously. So things are very tight here. The League of Palace Prince Bishop has come out and said in hindsight, he

probably shouldn't have said anything out loud. That is the most New Zealand's result that we could possibly have. And that it is probably a tie. Could I just say, I did actually read about this and I read, I was like, okay, it just kept, as you said, it just kept building and building and building. And at the end of it, all I could think is, and they call women emotional. Like just, ugh. And also if you haven't seen the New Zealand Prime Minister, try to imagine someone who

looks like somehow the son of every single person from guess who. That's it. Like a well-dressed skin tag. That is what Christopher Luxon looks like. Google him, tell me I'm wrong. Well, I think that my favourite part of the story is when he gets called a dickhead and he turns around and says, well, I could say the same thing to you, mate. And Don McGlashen goes, well, I wasn't the one talking. And this is all recorded in all the prominent

New Zealand websites as a massive confrontation. Now to anyone who doesn't know New Zealanders, you might go, well, that's just two people having a polite disagreement. But in New Zealand culture, these are haymakers being thrown. As you guys will know from your time here, these are generational wounds being opened up. You're a debt kid. I could say you're a debt kid. Well, I'm not the one talking, so you're obviously the bigger debt kid. I mean, hard to recover. He may not be re-elected. Yes, so does appear to the list of great human conflicts, good versus evil, truth versus lies, capitalism versus communism. Shame we never got to see that one with both at full strength. It was like Mayweather and Pacquiao all over again. America versus itself, Italy versus Chile 1962. We can now add Fur Patrol versus Chris Bishop

from the New Zealand National Party. And we should have, I mean, when you sent us the link, Fur Patrol, I just assumed it was a kid's cartoon series or a police branch devoted to clamping down on people wearing animal costumes for whatever personal reasons. But they are in fact a New Zealand rock band. And Chris Bishop is not Christopher Bainbridge, the early 16th century Bishop of Durham,

but the New Zealand Minister of Transport and Housing and Infrastructure and Sport and Recreation and Leader of the House, responsible for the management of government business in Parliament. And James, that really does show there is not enough to do in New Zealand. If you can be a government minister with all of those portfolios, then I don't know what that tells about the police. Just as a smallest side note, I did beat him in a high school debate in 1999 when I was still drunk from the night before. And I mean, he is now the minister of everything

and I am a recovering alcoholic. So I don't know. I think again, it's a tie. I think I call it a tie. Was he at school in the capacity that he's the same age as you or did he come to debate a child? Look. Mr. Claridge. to debate a child. Look, in that moment it was teenager versus teenager. Okay, well I'm proud of you for beating him. American news now and, well, a tragic relationship breakdown.

Elon Musk and Donald Trump have split up. Elon Musk has left the White House. These are very worrying times. He is reportedly on the loose somewhere in the world. If you do encounter Elon Musk roaming around the world after his escape from the White House, the advice is that you do not attempt conversation. You wait until his charge runs out, then take him to your local robot repair garage and see if they can rewire him before you switch him back on. And if all else fails, run in a zigzag and climb a tree. I guess it was sort of inevitable that this whirlwind bromance should peter out. And I do

apologize sincerely to any listeners called Peter, who are feeling dirty and ashamed of having their name used in a sentence referring to Elon Musk and Donald Trump. I sincerely apologize. So he said that he will, Trump said that he must continue to visit the White House as quotes a friend and advisor to the president. Now, I don't think Trump has any genuine friends, and he's about as likely to take advice on board as Tolstoy is to write a pornographic sci-fi novel. That's the Tolstoy.

He's been dead since 1910. So I mean, it's been a strange... I mean, you could just presage every story on any podcast or news broadcast. It's been a bit of a strange time. But what have you made of the Musk Trump breakup? Well what's better than seeing a rich loser fail? Two of them failing then falling out. I a rich loser fail, two of them failing, then falling out. I love it because I know and they know that money and in their case a hair transplant is the only reason that people hang around with either of them, which as a reminder is gender affirming care. So I started doing my favorite petty thing. Every time I'm speaking on a podcast and Elon Musk

comes up, I have started reminding everyone that everyone still calls it Twitter. And I know that that pisses off Elon Musk. I love, no one calls it X. No one says I X'd a message. They still say I tweeted it. When people talk about their X, no one is thinking about Elon Musk except for Grimes. I love that he failed.

I love that he failed branding. I love that even his son whose name is X still calls it quitter. You know, I don't know if you've seen X, he's the kid that walked around the White House. Elon used him as a human shield while he tried to give off the appearance of being what humans refer to as a father, but instead he just continued to look like one of the lava people from the X-Files. He looks like if their skin was stretched over a piece of mechanical furniture, somehow hollow and bloated at the same time, the eyes of a serial killer, the mouth of a pensioner in a nursing home awaiting his next bowl of soup. LAUGHS So I'm happy.

Well, that's good. I mean, who says there's no good news in the world anymore? LAUGHS I mean, it has been, James, it's been obviously a tricky time for Donald Trump this week, his titanic efforts to enrich the working classes of America by causing a global trade war that pushes their businesses and their employers' businesses to the precipice of collapse. He encountered a bit of a temporary iceberg in

which judges ruled that his tariffs were illegal, then other judges deruled that ruling and then they're trying to derule the... Look, it's one of those things that's not worth taking any notice of, because by the time you've got your head around what's happened, what has happened will have been de-happened by other happenings, which will themselves be in the process of unhappening. I mean, I think basic principle is there's a special presidential exemption, which is the fourth and a half amendment, which states that you can break some of the laws all of the time, all of the laws some of the time, you can't break all of the laws all of the time, but Trump's looking for a loophole in it somewhere. But anyway, the breakup with Musk, where does that

leave the world? We've invested in these romances, James, like Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie and former England football captain Billy Wright and whichever one of the Beverly sisters he married back in the 50s. We devote ourselves to these things, but I mean, how will the world cope with this breakup? Well, as a child of divorce, Andy, I'm feeling uniquely vicious to comment on this. So what we're entering into now is, you know, obviously they're both victims of their own toxic behavior in that Trump can't stay loyal to whoever he's partnered with.

Elon has fathered a whole bunch of Doge kids and decided that that's his job done and now he's going off to another country. I think the key thing is the quietness of Elon Musk in all of this. He's being a bit more quiet and he's almost being meek. That's a clear sign in getting divorced that he's about to drop some really dark personal shit, uh, online about Donald Trump. So I think that's, you know, that that's the, the T is about to be served. Uh, and it's, it's probably going to be robust.

Uh, so it's definitely, uh, some horrible back and forth. I think we're all quietly waiting for that car crash to see what happens when mom and dad really go no-hold-barreds at each other. Like how small is Donald Trump's dick? How small is Elon Musk's dick? Why were they looking at each other's dicks? Why won't they stop talking about each other's dicks? None of us want to hear about either of their dicks.

And yet for four days, the news cycle has been nothing but these two men measuring what's left of their dicks. So the darkest times are ahead, Andy. That's the quick answer. The darkest times from the giant shadows of tiny penises. According to the New York Times, musk has been regularly consuming, amongst other things, ketamine, ecstasy, and psychedelic mushrooms. And I mean, it's quite interesting. I mean, these are essentially performance enhancing drugs. If the performance you're trying to enhance is having a completely indestructibly deranged view of politics, economics, and the human race in general.

And I guess, you know, we should remember the words of Jesus Christ, that he or she who would not seek escape from daily interactions with Donald Trump via the use of psychotropic substances cast the first stone. Yeah, fair. And I guess with Musk, he might be the only person for him using ecstasy and magic mushrooms makes them more in tune with reality rather than less in tune with reality. And they could be seen as a sort of gateway between rampant plutocratic power crazed egotism and a return to sober normality.

So interesting to see how this pans out. Here's the thing, Andy. I don't think we as the public can have it both ways. I don't think that we can watch Elon Musk, the world's richest man, get involved in a US election with Donald Trump, get him elected, make up his own ministry, start to deregulate and deconstruct American democracy, and then turn around and be surprised that he's been on a shitload of drugs this whole time. It's an incredibly stupid decision financially. Why would you go from just being a freewheeling, world traveling, super billionaire who just runs around fathering kids with women

who really need cash and get involved in US politics unless you have been high for months. We've all been on that massive bender where you start off at like junglers in Birmingham and end up in Estonia. We've all done it, but he's really taken that months long drug bender to a... Do you remember 2006 Andy? Well actually it wasn't me then. No he doesn't. That's the point.

I started the gig in Jonglos in Birmingham and the crowd moved to Estonia. That's different. Look, can I say in all his time associated with the White House or even as a man, and I use the word loosely, doing business in the United States. This is the single best thing Elon has done for the American people. He has, with this article, single-handedly just made drugs uncool. And that's a win for kids, that's a win for people's health, and a win for people who don't take drugs, who go to parties and have to listen to newfound hallucinogenic spirituality from soft cotton tat wearing, communist manifesto

tarrying but not reading, circle wire rim glasses and mustache wearing, inheritance beneficiaries. No one who has any respect for themselves or drugs or fashion will take drugs after knowing Elon Musk does them regularly and still comes across as such a f***ing runner up. No one will do it. You've made me so much more optimistic about the fruits of the world this week, Felicity. Thank you. I hadn't seen that angle. Honestly, once you have depression for a while, you really start to see the upside of the most horrendous things. Well, on the subject of health, it's obviously a big issue in America. And there's a new report, the Make America Healthy Again report commissioned by health secretary RFK Robert Kennedy. You don't need me to tell you what the F stands for on this family show. RFK is of course the medical science

fact and wellness skeptic who was somehow in this least plausible of alternate dimensions found himself as the health secretary of the world's most and least health obsessed nation. Oh, that those two titles should be held by the same country, but that's the world we live in. A 73 page report has been published, as I said, the so-called Make America Healthy Again program, which ostensibly rails against the very foundations of modern America, personal choice,

a complete lack of corporate accountability, and poor people being as ill as possible for as long as possible. And they say they're trying to change this, but these are strange times, as we keep saying. None of the old certainties still pertain. Now, RFK claimed the report was based on gold standard science. But according to another report about the reports by Notus, the not for profit nonpartisan news site, RFK's gold standard science was the same gold

standard that Ben Johnson achieved in the 1988 Men's Olympic 100 meter final. And that was significantly based on bullshit. Seven reports cited are, it seems, entirely made up, others mischaracterized or taken out of context, and science is so much easier when you can invent stuff for fun, which explains why George Lucas is so much wealthier either than Galileo or periodic table celebrity Dmitri Mendeleev. Furthermore, the report also ignores many of the biggest dangers to public health in America. It doesn't mention the fact that RFK himself has, amongst other twatteries, taken out smoking prevention offices and an STI

laboratory. The report is laced with vaccines, vaccine skepticism, which at least is on brand. It's also anonymously written because why would anyone want to be able to check whether a medical science report has any input from, for example, medical scientists? And it's also at best light on detail on how it will be possible to make America health again under an administration devoted to reducing regulations and to bending over coquettishly to the demands of corporate lobbying. So there's a few little glitches in it, but fundamentally they've made quite a lot of it up. But I mean, is this the way science should be now, Felicity, that actually just making shit up

is that's what people want rather than facts that are generally gonna disappoint them? Give the people what they want. Look, I feel like he might not be the hero that we want, but he is the hero that we deserve. I honestly, I think we've had enough. I think humans, we've had enough. We've run out of time.

We've made everything bad. And maybe it's time to just let a rubris happen. Let's just let the snake eat itself. Because if you are shocked that the health secretary who looks and sounds and acts Like if Tom weights went too hard on nitrous oxide bulbs then shot himself in the throat But didn't recover mentally when the bullet went near his brain Isn't a reliable source for help like this man looks like he doesn't wash himself with a flannel He looks like he washes himself with a corn on the cob. You know what I mean? Like, let it happen. We did it to

ourselves. This is a symptom of who we are and this is the best we can do. It's over. And I guess the problem is with scientific truth is that it is generally negative and it wants to control our lives. You can't live forever. You can't fly purely through willpower. You can't turn a courgette into a sausage just by oinking at it. That's the kind of bullying factualism that holds our species back in a fuzz of resignation.

And with all the health scares that are out there at the moment, eating a chicken nugget, his tantamounts, playing water polo with crocodiles, claim scientists. Trying to use a toaster in the bath can be bad for your well-being and result in soggy breakfasts, claim scientists. Gravity applies seven days a week, warn scientists after spate of Thursday plummetings. What harm does it do to give people a little respite by just making shit up? Five bites of hot chocolate per day can make you immune to rheumatoid polypopulitis. Sitting on the sofa watching 24 hours of sport a day on TV reduces your chance of being run over by a bus

by 100%. Citrus fruit can stop scurvy. That kind of bullshit that actually makes things better for ourselves. That is what science should be doing. And RFK is, you know, he's ahead of the curve. He is, he's a of the curve. He is. He's a leader and he's a hearer.

Just one quick final piece of American news. Pete Hegseth, the surprise and unjustifiable defense secretary of the USA, has warned the world to prepare for war to ensure peace in the Indo-Pacific region. Now reading between the lines here and knowing what we do know of Pete Hagsleth so far in his political career, to me it sounds like he's looked at the maps and he's planning to nuke either Australia or New Zealand. Do you have a preference for which one he goes for first? Nah, it's exciting. I think as an Australian, as a New Zealand, I think we both would be in agreement for Adelaide, right Felicity?

be an agreement for Adelaide, right Felicity? Just Adelaide. Hey, yeah, you know you're right. And only for the reason, because I actually really like Adelaide, I like the people in it, but that is the one place that they brag about that there was no convicts and they're all the colonizers. Well, if you want to say chance and dance, then you can get the f***. It's such an American thing of like the Indo-Pacific. I'm like, the Indo-Pacific? Like, do you mean like the Indian Ocean and the Pacific? Like that's, that's just a sea at that point. Like, it's very little. Like the Pacific is big enough. Like if you, it's like when Americans go, oh, happy Asian American and Pacific Islander. You don't need to lump up this, we've got a large enough area we're trying to cover

without bringing in whole other continents. It's so large. And what are we meant to cover? I just feel like Americans have this idea of Navy maneuvers in the Pacific without realizing none of us have any military. New Zealand doesn't have an air force. Australia is still building its submarine fleet. It's under construction. If the war happens, we need a timeout so we can like, we're going to end up swapping jerseys at half time with China if it all kicks off.

Like you barely have an Air Force. Neither of us barely have a national airline, let alone militarized. That is our Air Force. That's like literally, we're going to have to stop the Chinese invading New Zealand so we can play them the safety advert with Steven Adams and a bunch of kids playing basketball telling them to put their seatbelt on. Great jokes though. They'll always get great jokes from our New Zealand. I still remember the Lord of the Rings one.

I still remember it. That's because half New Zealand's comedy scene was in that. Yeah that's right. I was like I know them, I know them, I know them. Maybe I will listen to the safety announcement actually. Did you want to do, was there anything else? I think we've done, it was the raccoons, I'm not sure there's much. I haven't got a lot on either of the next two. I've got a bit on the other two. We are quite well stocked on bullshit stories this week, guys. I hope we're not including the honey badger rant in that on bullshit. I would call that educational. Christy, as a fellow fan of the honey badger, I was so tempted to join in and start talking

about how they eat Park Rangers bollocks and I thought I've got to back off right now. It's hard to have boundaries talking about a honey badger. But just on the snake that you mentioned, eating itself, if the snake has already been eaten by the honey badger, does the honey badger now eat itself with the snake? Yeah, it's like the old lady who swallowed a fly. Just something else comes and... Finally this week, art news and well some very exciting news from well 43,000 years ago.

It turns out that Neanderthals might have been artists. Scientists have claimed that a small red dot on a stone was a fingerprint that may have been an attempt to draw a nose on the stone that looked a little bit like a face. If so, the question arises why, after tens of thousands of years of evolution, were the Neanderthal people so f***ing s*** at art a red f***ing fingerprint as a so-called nose on a vaguely head-shaped pebble literally tens of thousands of years what the f*** are we being impressed by here no wonder these useless fingers were rendered extinct as soon as the first decent competition came on the scene or maybe maybe this is evidence that they'd already

been through a phase of highly technical artistic achievement, elaborately painted sculptural freezes depicting epochal battles between Neanderthals and fictional beasts, glorious polychromatic frescoes of divinely inspired imaginations of heaven and hell, entertainingly realistic paintings of Bison's playing snooker. But what we found here is something from the Neanderthals conceptual art phase, a dot on a rock, asking questions such as what is art? Who are we? What are rocks?

What are dots? What if we put a Bison in a tank of formaldehyde? These kind of things, they get to the very heart of what it is to be alive. Were you impressed or unimpressed by this dot on a 43,000 year old pebble? I love it. It's what I live for. I've actually got, I've got to go soon. I've got to get to another exhibition. It's just a shit on the ground. When I saw, if you look at the picture of the pebble, When I saw, if you look at the picture of the pebble, the dot is so small that I immediately thought the question is, did he 43,000 years ago also make the noise boop when he did it?

That's all I can think about. Little dot, boop, it's tiny. I love, I can't imagine the amount of money that's gone into the research to figure out that was a fingerprint and that this was art. Like don't get me wrong, history is important, but we don't seem to learn from it. So why the f*** should we be learning that Neanderthals also like us putting a mustache, a funny mustache on a poster, used to get a little red dot and go boop on the pebble? I don't get it.

I love it. I am obsessed with the idea. I don't know why it's happening. I think Felicity has a great point. I think you know who else was an artist? Hitler. And he liked putting a little dot on his nose. And are we all just being sucked into Neanderthal?

Hitler. And before you know it, we're going down this dark pathway and finding out the real reason the Neanderthals aren't here anymore. I just, I think this is a plea really, artists listening to this podcast, just record your process because this is what happens when critics are allowed to write the narratives. All right. That's like a dot on a rock, a dot of paint on a rock. Have any of these people talking about this ever painted in their lives? All right, there's going to be people showing up to do archaeological digs of thousands of years and go, oh, this brick, they were trying to put a nose on it.

And like, no, it was just splatter from a painting session gone horribly wrong. We don't, we don't know. Like they've put thousands, it's a fingerprint. Yes, that's science. It's art. We don't know. Like he could have been shit. It could have happened.

He could have picked it up and gone boom. And they've gone, Barry, that's the worst thing you've ever made. Throw that away. Why are we trying to tell people that this is Neanderthal art? Just let it be a fun fingerprint on the rock. That's exciting. You don't need to build this whole narrative that there was like Michelangelo of cavemen putting dots on rocks and be like, oh, imagine the mystery. No, the mystery is why you were given money and to tell people that this

is art. It's hard enough out here for artists without dead people from 43,000 years ago taking up the stage. Like, get, this is just, it's like the ultimate white privilege. Can't even get a f***ing show up because some dude 43,000 years ago put a dot on a rock on the motherf***er. I just got to take my beta blocker. Give me a sec. Absolutely. I prefer to think that it's actually evidence that the Neanderthals had fingerprint recognition technology. And actually that was, you know, like the remnants of a, like some sort of front door

open like secret open. It's the beginning of biometric data. Yeah it is. Testify. Yeah. Yeah. Well, we will have exclusive coverage of the discovery of all forms of Neanderthal art on the bugle over the next, let's say 43,000 years. Beginning next week when we have on the show Alice Fraser and Neil Delamere, then we have Tom Ballard and Sarah Barron new to the show the following week.

So before we go, who has stuff to plug? James? I have a documentary series on the nuclear testing in the Marshall Islands, which was nominated for a New York Radio Award. And just for you listeners, it's harrowing. It's not funny. Please don't go in there looking for jokes. Please don't listen to it all at once. But I'm very proud of it. And it's about the effects of nuclear fallout on Pacific Islanders from the tests. That's called The Last Voyage of the Rainbow Warrior.

And do you come down that it was a good idea to just use an entire region of the world as human beings? Yeah, they were asking for it. It was the main conclusion we came to there. What have you got to plug? In the UK, I'm doing a tour show in September. I'm doing a tour show in September. I'm doing two tour shows. I'm doing Manchester and Bristol and they will please God be my last two shows the last two performances of this show

I've had it. I've absolutely had it. They're two-hour shows. It's called I'm exhausting. You can get tickets from LiveNation.co.uk you might be able to get them from my website. I haven't visited it in months. So I have no idea if it's up there. I'm very poorly organised. If you're in Australia, I am on Dancing with the Stars. That starts on the 15th of June. Awesome. If anyone in the world has Amazon Prime, I'm in the office, the Australian one,

that a lot of Ricky Gervais fans begged for. They're like, if only there was a remake with a woman in it. That's the most of the feedback I got. And then if anyone has Apple TV, I was an Australian playing a Northerner that was filmed in Wellington on a TV show called Time Bandits. I think that is still available to watch. Well, Buglers, consider yourselves plugged. There will shortly be details of the Bugle 18th birthday live online show. As soon as everything is confirmed, we will give you details of that. It will be in October this year, 18 years of pure unadulterated truth.

Bullshit. Oh, truth, yeah. Yeah. Thank you for listening. We'll be back next week. If you want to join the Bugle Voluntary subscription scheme to help keep the show free, flourishing and independent and get your exclusive access to the monthly-ish Ask Andy show, which I think we're probably due to record another one of quite soon Go to the bugle podcast.com and click the donate button. Goodbye