The Bugle - The hottest Bugle ever! (4199)

Episode Date: July 10, 2021

Andy, Alice and Anuvab focus on the week's biggest news - fish on meth, Teletubbies getting vaccinated and the terror of climate change. Plus, sport! And when we say sport, we mean football! And when we mean football, we mean Q UNIT's MIGHTY ENGERLAND.And next week is our 200th show since relaunch! Listen to The Gargle here: https://pod.link/GargleWe are funded entirely by you, the listener. Listeners who sign up via thebuglepodcast.com have long enjoyed the opportunity to get: mentions on the show (in the form of lies), merchandise and general sense of wellbeing for supporting this fine work of art. As of this week you can also support the show directly via Apple Podcasts. Our new channel ‘Team Bugle’ also includes The Last Post, The Gargle and Tiny Revolutions, shows which currently carry ads - but they will be completely ad free on this channel. So if you love The Bugle, and it’s siblings, then please support The Bugle via our website or Apple Podcasts where you can subscribe today.Buy a loved one Bugle Merch - COLD AND WET WEAVER T SHIRTS ON SALE NOW).Follow us on YouTube or Insta and see parts of this episode with actual video.The Bugle is hosted this week by:Andy ZaltzmanAnuvab PalAlice FraserAnd produced by Chris Skinner  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Dancelaguard fans, you will be thrilled to know a book is coming out if you fund it via Unbound. We are publishing the Dancelaguard Reader by Alice Fraser and Dancelaguard, a glorious insight into the world of Dancelaguard, self-published romance maven, and online bestseller. If you would like to find out how to support it, go to thebugelpodcast.com. If we get enough support, we will publish the book. That's a real thing that's going to happen. Thebugelpodcast.com to a real thing that's going to happen. TheBuglePodcast.com to support the Danciler Guard Reader. Hello, I'm Alice.

So you're about to listen to the bugle, but have you listened to the Gaggle? It's great. It's a podcast. I'm the host. We talk about all of the news and none of the politics. It's like the bugle, but not the bugle. It's the Glossy magazine to the bug Bugles audio and newspaper for a visual world. And we have an episode in the podcast feed now. The link is in the show notes of the Bugle. So after you've listened to the Bugle, go over and listen to the gargle. I'll talk to you soon. Bye. The Bugle, audio newspaper for a visual world.

Hello Bugleers and welcome to issue 4199 of the Bugle. I am Andy Zoltzmann in the Shed of Immutable Correctitude. It is Friday 9th July 2021 and for all of you listeners this week we have a special free gift. As we build up to our 200th episode since re-launch it's your chance to introduce yourself as a bugle co-host, simply fill in the gaps in the following intro to describe yourself and your role in the world and you too can imagine that you are a bugle co-host. I am joined today for the first time by a very special

... someone who has built a ... reputation in the world of ... their incredible work doing ... in without ever once being ... someone who brings to this show a unique ... distinctive and an incredible of yes it's the person described by as one of the most they'd ever come across a bit harsh it's none other than there you go I hope that made you all feel very special. And joining me and we have from Sydney, Australia, Alice Fraser and from Mumbai, India, Anu

Vab Pal. Hello, both of you, welcome to this special forehanded bugle with our special guests from home. How are you both? I'm well Andy, hello Anu Vab, hello bugleers. We are now in Sydney lockdown and everybody is having a real panic about it as though we haven't watched the rest of the world suffer for the last year and a half because our suffering is special. We've had a week of lockdown Andy, we're really on the edge.

It's sort of gone the other way because So how many cases have brought about this lockdown in Australia? I think it was in the 40s today. There was about 40 something cases today. Oh, excuse me, you mean like thousands? 40,000? No. All right, okay. No.

Because in Britain we're only around about 30,000 a day. And frankly, everything is off now. People, we've just, we just give, we've clocked off as a nation, the virus is, I mean, it's a thing in the past, isn't it? Chris, I mean, it's, I've got to think, what virus? Doesn't even exist anymore. It's just not. No. But luckily, football has conquered the virus, as we will discuss, later on, and of our house, how things have been, and by. Everybody got the virus in April and May in India. And a lot of people died and then the ones that didn't

are now going out without masks and deciding to do it all over again in case history was not a reminder. And the Prime Minister has said it is time to frighten people so that they can stay indoors. So one thing that has happened because of this Andy Alice is that a lot of Indians have started watching this European Cup football thing. And I have to say, you know, having sort of background in drama, I haven't watched a lot of football, but I remember it in two phases.

I remember when the English football team had a group of people that looked very strong and spent a lot of time looking like people who haul raw meat and the fans looked a bit like that. I've been watching this game now 20 years on, I think 96 is the last time, sorry, and now they all look like they're in a physics class and the coach looks like he teaches Boolean algebra. So I think that the team seems to have changed a little bit, then I don't know anything. It has changed. I mean, the fans haven't changed. The fans are still very much like, well, not so much that they're hauling meat, but they are, may in fact themselves be meat on the way to some form of avertois. But the players, well, I mean, they are, I mean, England, it's just another one of the traditions

that we're losing as a country. The great tradition of our football team being massively inept under pressure, not having a fucking clue what any of the rest of the team is doing and underperforming massively. And things are not comfortable with it. I mean, Chris, you're more of a football fan than me,

but, when is there anything left that's distinctive about English what if we apply competence and strategy to a tournament what have we got left there's nothing that differentiates us from everyone else. You just got to see if you're struggling with you just got to understand that it's a team of Irishman Jamaicans and Nigerians and for those on one side of the political debate they'll go yeah I told you so and those in the other they'll make exactly the same point. They are unusually likable squad at teams as much as you can tell these things. They're usually politically aware

for footballers and I mean very few of them have criminal records if any. for footballers and I mean very few of them have criminal records if any at the moment she's another another tradition has gone out the window now this is bugle 4,199 which means let me work it out we've done almost 200 full episodes since I'll relaunch late in 2016 we're heading towards 500 episodes in total that is more episodes than I've had hot dinners in the last three months. Just and it's also more episodes than a number of drafts of Hamlet Saliliqui that William Shakespeare or Will the Quill, Billy the Blow Vierta, got through before he finalized to be or not to be amongst the drafts that he jettisoned were.

No, I just can't make the call. Can you help me out guys? Give me a cheer for to be. Give me a boo for not to be. Also, he got a solid. I'll do a coin toss. Heads for B. Tails for not B. Yeah, let's make it best of three, as well as in your outy GT or whiskey sour and G's or the f*** do I know. We are recording on the 9th of July, which means Monday the 12th is a happy birthday for Henry David Thoreau the 19th century American writer who famously took himself off to live in the woods for a couple of years on his own To live at one with nature all be it walking distance from his mates house and a town But he wrote some interesting things Also his mates were I did all this laundry

You know at least he made an effort. He made an effort. He said this, most of the luxuries and many of the so-called comforts of life are not only not indispensable, but positive hindrances to the elevation of mankind. Well, very noble thought, Henry, but that is no way to build a consumer economy. Without attitude, we would never have developed Google Glass and the world will be much poorer. Much poorer for it. A lot of 19th century American writers went off into the woods and thought up stuff. You know, I've gone to some woods and I haven't, I've only come back with petty logistics thoughts. You know, the soul of my shoes coming off, I need to go to a cobbler.

That kind of stuff, you know, I need to reduce two of my debit cards. You know, that kind of stuff. This guy goes up into the woods and comes out with like a whole treatise on free will. On, on, you know, Adam Smith, you know, he went off and then just came back with this entire theory of supply side economics. You know, if I went down to field, I just, you know, if I came back with this entire theory of supply side economics You know, I if I went under field. I just you know if I came back all I think of is you know Did I did I breast the spin thing in the washing machine or did I know? So I think as Indians we deal with the outdoors very differently then writers of the 19th century As always the section of the mule is going straight in the bin. Firstly, a free Delphic

Oracle to help you to free people about the future. Choose from one of the following free Delphic oracles. Let not the sausage be cast unto the winds, but stand but twix the mountains and the bus depot. If you should bark, no dog shall seek to speak, but if you bark again, the goat will fly into the skyscraper. When the sun rises in the west, then shall your leader speak the truth. With metal spoons may you eat or lunch, but he who uses only the knife shall be hungry by tea time. He who prays for a milkshake may wish he had prayed for a straw and my boy Lollipop you make my heart go giddy up. Please use those wisely and responsibly. Also in the bin a special well a special football. I think it was a boy Lollipop it.

Mix all the difference. Also in the bin this week a special football supplement because well as we've touched on already this is the first bugle ever to take place after England as a football nation has qualified for the final of a major football tournament. But what if it isn't? Archivists have found what may have been an episode of the bugle, dating to Friday the 29th of July 1966, the day before England played West Germany in the World Cup Final. Let's just hear a little snippet from it. Well John let's talk about the football before you start banging on about Linda and

f***ing Johnson again. What's it going to be this week? Freedom of information, Vietnam, the airline mechanics strike, so what? Gee, he's giving it a rest buddy. Let the man do his job. But before we do that, I just want to say that I don't think you can separate the recent explosion in blues music here in the United Kingdom from the improved performance of the England football team.

I know the Rolling Stones are getting on a bit now. They're heading towards their mid-20s. That's too old to be playing a kind of music they play in my opinion, but you can't argue with the fact that since they and the animals and the other bands in the British blue season have come on the scene, we've reached a World Cup final. John, I think we've lost the line. Anyway, later on in this week's bugle, a fashion section, I mean, seriously, what are people wearing these days and don't get me started on their hair? Also, we look at the government's austerity program to these things ever f***ing work. And of course, we will look forward to next weekend's scheduled

birth of Jimmy Wilde, who will of course go on to become the founder of Wookie Pedia. So there you go. I mean, it is, its authenticity is, it should be said, disputed. But we'll leave it up to you to decide really think that's an authentic. Someone ran a tea bag around the edges of that recording. Top story this week, Temperature Records Tumbling in places you really don't want to see Temperature Records Tumbling. It's, well, I mean let's start with the latest on our great planets, heroic efforts to narrow the gap to the likes of Venus and Jupiter and the race to be the solar systems least and habitable. Or, I mean, we're probably never quite going to catch up with Venus, but I still want to be no Vag Jocke of Egypt, turn it to be honest.

You can still try and put in a good run and maybe sneak a set off in no disgrace. It's hard to love those planets, we gotta respect them. But things have been hot on this planet, certainly not cricket matches in England where they've mostly been wet, but elsewhere some highly alarming temperature records, 49 degrees Celsius in Canada the other week it was 48 degrees in Siberia and a temperature record being set in Antarctica, 18.3 degrees, which doesn't sound all that hot until you remember. It's f***ing Antarctica! It's not f***ing Mallorca! Um, Alice, you live in a notorious, um, notoriously stupidly hot place, uh, Australia. Um, I mean, how, uh, is this just the rest of the world looking at Australia thinking, oh, that seems to be a nice place.

Let's try and be more like that. Or is it something more worrying for you? It's pretty, I think it's probably envy and he thinks in America, getting hot, hot, hot, and by hot, I mean sexy and by sexy, I mean terrifying. There's nothing else Americans find scarier than sexiness. Just look at how they dress for Halloween. You think things can't get too hot for this,

is as hot as a Hollywood star who hasn't eaten carbs for three weeks, taking their shirt off for a scene in which the globe is at a tipping point towards irrevocable environmental degradation. Woo, you can see that all of their abs and also shellfish are being boiled alive in their habitats. Yes, I mean, that was a detail that was slightly alarming. And I've heard of you saw that muscles of the coast of Washington State and Canada were being essentially cooked in the sea. Which I mean, is that, you know, just a more efficient means of producing food for humanity? Or is, again, is it a sign that we are all doomed?

You know, there is a massive labor shortage in the United States, so muscles are cooking themselves. I think that's great for holiday makers. I look, Alice, and I really don't understand this. I read the article, it said, Temperature in Canada and Northwest United States is hit 44 degrees. I read that and I thought, oh, they're talking about how nice

the weather is. 44 degrees is any Thursday in Jeppour. Um, at the height of winter. The words, oh, they just recorded a new heat record in Antarctica. I have that up with, you know, sendin' is I really don't want to hear at any point in my life, such as, well, no one told me it was a pantomime cow. Anyway, do you still want the steak? Um, also, and for everyone in carriage D, it's now biblical swarm of scorpions Well, no one told me it was a pantomime cow anyway. Do you still want the steak?

Also and for everyone in carriage D. It's now biblical swarm of scorpions practice time and Sorry, I know you've woken from an 18 month coma, but yes, he is still prime minister I don't want to hear any of those sentences and I mean no one no one reacts Well to a sentence. Oh, they recorded a new heat record in Antarctica. Oh, well done Antarctica. That's such a great story, isn't it? Because Antarctica is generally useless at being hot, but this just shows that if you really want something and you put the effort in with the right kind of support around the world, you can achieve your dreams. No one reacts to that like this before you move into a seamless and un-lifting song about success against the odds. This is, I'm not comfortable with it, and just the concept of a heat dome.

And we had about this, the tragic heat dome in North America. And it was not a term I'd come across before. I mean, I always thought heat dome was a memo from the Pope to himself in winter, because of course, prayers get up to God much more accurately and quickly if delivered through a warm dome rather than a cold dome. That's one of the reasons there are more spires than domes because they're easier to heat. So if you're a cathedral or temple owner with a dome, you probably should actually paint it black to absorb more heat. It might not look as good, but the bread has become 3.8% more efficient.

But it's um, it is... There is no heat dome with those metal things that the butlers put over your breakfast. A closh. I think all closhes? Yes. They are closhes, yeah. I've always thought of the thing. But I was pretending I didn't know that, I can't make a fake. I very much do know.

The finest closh work I've ever seen. It was, some years ago in Paris was on a weekend with Mrs. Z my wife And we went to this restaurant in Paris and there was a This dish that came out It was a ridiculous restaurant. We had their cheapest possible lunch deal. But on the table next to us, this cloche came out and it was lifted up with great ceremony. And underneath was an inflated bladder containing a chicken.

And we checked the menu and the price of the chicken in a bladder. The worst birthday balloon. It was, it some like 220 euros. And then they stabbed the bladder. So it then deflated and you could eat you could then tear apart your bladder skin and eat your chicken. But hasn't that been a gender reveal party? reveal party. What gender would be revealed by a chicken in a bladder? I think probably that your child was going to be posh. Some extraordinary things have been said about climate recently as these increasingly concerning

events increasingly happen increasingly. Baroness Worthington, lead author on the UK's Climate Change Act said, concerned scientists are no longer concerned. They are, and I quote, freaked out. Now when scientists, I would expect to hear an embarrassed as mouth. Not a embarrassed, not talking about scientists, but is this the kind of language we need? You know, freaking out the scientists are freaking out. You get that on a news report, you're going to pay more attention than scientists have expressed

some concern. Is the kind of language is changing? You can global warming, to global heating, climate change, to the othernization of the planet and concern, to fucking freaked out. Maybe that's what we need. Yeah, and I think it matters for the scientists, you know? If somebody told me, you know, Albert Einstein is worried, I'd be like, okay, Albert Einstein is freaking out! You know, openheimer is worried, openheimer is freaking out, that's a concern!

That could be a nuclear bomb in the gut, so would say, the environment is essentially like a shark in a swimming pool. It won't go away. It keeps getting angrier. And whilst we know we should have dealt with it ages ago, like when someone first said that's a shark's egg in there, and it's about to hatch, but we didn't because we couldn't be asked in the shark extract, it was a medic-pensive now. It's getting harder and harder to enjoy a swim whilst all jumpy-tops nibble this way through another set of pensioners.

We're essentially in that situation with climate. So, a scientist understandably Alice are looking for other things to turn their research minds to that are slightly more entertaining. And one of which is turning fish into drug addicts. You are our PiscINE addiction correspondent. Bring us up today. Yes, Andy. In other humans can't be trusted with the natural world news. A number of scientists have tried to assess where the fish can be addicted to stimulants, because they're worried that wastewater that it contains drugs will affect the underwater environment. So they did a test on fish. And again, scientists,

who got the funding for this? They've got two groups of trout put into separate holding tanks, and they've laced one of the trout tanks with men, which then they went and checked it back later, compared to the placebo group and the meth tank that they checked I assume was incredibly clean and all the fish were fighting each other. But they're worried because there's aquatic habitats in places like Czech and Slovak Republics that have been contaminated with quite high concentrations of meth. And I just think this is a great study, Andy. I think this is a great study.

I'm glad that they got permission to do it. Other addiction studies include horses on heroin, ducks on ketamine, and flamingos off cocaine. Don't tell me those arrogant f**kheads aren't already off their faces on Charlie. They are the bird that would back you into the corner of the party and settle in on one leg to talk about their crypto scheme.

It's like Facebook, but the blockchain. Let it go, Alex. Let it go. Never. I just want to mention, who in the world, you know, I'm just looking at this from a screenplay perspective here. Who in the world thought about combining finding Nemo and breaking bad? Yeah. That is sort of classic Hollywood brainstorming, isn't it?

To think, oh, well, finding Nemo successful, breaking bad as successful, they cover different demographics. Let's put them together and get trout hopped up on meth. Yes, an innocent aquatic fish school teacher. [♪ Music playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing in background, playing COVID news now and well as we discussed earlier on lockdown is easing in the UK under the government's fingers crossed scheme. In Australia lockdowns are tightening and this controversy Alice over vaccinations in a private school. Now look at some private school children at St Joseph's College were apparently given coronavirus vaccines

even though they are under the age of 40. And is that the age that you're supposed to get your vaccines in Australia currently? At the moment, yes, we have not enough vaccines and also not enough virus. So they're going down by age group. And we've got to prepare limited supply of vaccines at the moment because we didn't have anyone dying. But look, we've got Delta now. So we've got something fairly limited supply of vaccines at the moment, because we didn't have anyone dying.

But look, we've got Delta now, so we've got something to look forward to. So this is a mistake that people are calling probably not a mistake in the Indigenous students were to be allowed to be vaccinated, given that they are more vulnerable to the disease. And instead, all 163 year 12 borders at this elite private school were given the vaccine through an era. And if you've ever tried to inject a private school child

without a permission slip from their parent, I would like to hear about it from your jail cell because that shit doesn't happen. It doesn't, that is not the kind of accident that anyone is going to have in a private school. So, people are, you know, understandably outraged both the other private schools outraged that they didn't also get to take advantage of this loophole slash accident and everyone else outraged at the privilege of the private school people? I mean, does it reflect poorly on us as a species, do you think, that it took a global pandemic

for people to start getting cranky about the purchase privilege of private education? And it's just another example of humanity really not being very good at getting around to doing stuff in time, rather than, you know, sort of thinking ahead, we wait until there's a pandemic and get annoyed about the kind of privilege that gave me a very healthy leg up in life. I mean it's it was typical we leave things late oh we could write some really good poetry and design some jet engines but no let's wait for a world war before we really raise our game and it seems similar similar with this and we've happened in terms of vaccination in in in India

how's how's that all rolling out at the moment? Well, very simple, Andy. Prime Minister Modi said, I mean, look, just to digress for one second, Alice, it's really fantastic. You said there are about 40 cases in Australia, and you probably know the names of every individual that I've spoken with.

And it's a little bit different here. I think we're in about 340 cases, but today it was 40. Stop that, 340. But the England cricket squad had nearly that many cases. Yeah, the whole of Australia. I mean, at the height of the pandemic, they were talking about the state of Othepradesh as everyone having COVID, and that is the size of Brazil. So we didn't know the names of everyone.

It was hard to keep that statistic. But Prime Minister Modi has said this week everyone needs to be frightened, a third wave is coming and he's figured out the best way to scare people which is why he's putting his photo on each vaccination certificate. Well, look, I think it's, I think don don't worry, Annabab, I'm not complaining. I'm complaining about other people complaining. That's the, that's where I sit in the hierarchy of people complaining about coronavirus

in Australia. I think it's good that this, uh, St Joseph's incident happened because it was good training for these young private school boys, uh, in taking advantage of Indigenous people, um, which I think is, is part of their fine tradition. It's part of the school curriculum, aren't it? But there is some good news from vaccinations in that, according to the Teli Tubby's Twitter feed, all four Teli Tubbybies have now been vaccinated. I mean, some have said why are they getting preferential treatment?

But, you know, they're all, I mean, I'm almost be 30 years old now, because the show was first on in 1997. Well, according to their vaccination certificates, they're only 18, which means that either time moves in a different way, where they are, or they are lying on their birth certificates. Well, they're in showbiz Alice. Of course everyone drops their agent showbiz, don't they?

But this is, you know, this is all new information about the Teletubbies. I didn't know they went to private school for one. But tell me, tell me, honest, what they wear is slightly less ludicrous than some private school uniform than this country. I'm enraged that these teletops have been vaccinated. They're cute jumping kids, screenbelly, burblers with their patronising, kooing and their terrifying whimsical infant sun god, Ammon Ram or like, Ammon Warr.

But you say that, I think it shows they're being a bit more responsible now, because at least they're taking the threat of COVID seriously, setting example, they know their influences as much as children's entertainers. If only they'd been quite as careful about STDs back in the day, then things would have been a lot smoother. I just quickly read up on the vaccine, they took Alice and they took a vaccine called Astra Tobica, excellent vaccine, and they read a lot of comments under it. And so this is not a vaccine. This is apparently a joke.

I didn't really understand the joke, because there's a CNN story. I don't know if you guys saw it before yesterday in India, where thousands of people have fallen prey to an elaborate fake coronavirus vaccination drive, where doctors and medical workers were arrested for injecting people with salt and water. There were 12 different vaccination drives where they were using saline water and injecting it.

And is that really different, I ask you, from Astra to Beaker? Well, I mean, look, the tele-tubbe is getting injected. The problem with this as a propaganda move is it's the tele-tuppies audience as far as I know is children, very small children who are I don't think we need to be convincing two-year-olds to get vaccinated. Was this like the pester power thing? You're hoping that when their parents are at the supermarket they'll start winging enough that their mom gets a Pfizer. Like I don't know. Big voting block at this, big voting block. I know, I know also. Oh, universe.

They are role models, and as I said, they take their public role very seriously. La La, of course, in the forefront of raising awareness of dementia, away before it came fashionable. Dipsy, short, of course, for Dips and Maniac, and the raw honesty of the bush, Dipsy, Zanna's shame device struggles with the bottle was really very influential in helping people around the world. Po, of course, that short for peak oil,

to a warning for the world to move away from fossil fuels and Tinky Winky, well let's not go there, still subjudice, of course. Indian News Now, and well, Anavab, whenever you're on the show, there seems to be always some ludicrously complicated court case involving corruption, big business in the government. And this week is no exception. It's a can energy, a Britain-based energy giant, a very odd legal dispute with the Indian government. Yeah, I mean, it's, you know, other countries like, you know, in the West, etc. you guys have love, you have fresh air. We have court cases. That's really what gets us going. That's just a thing.

It's how we live. Now, India passed a random tax law in 2012 where they charged can energy billions of dollars in extra taxes. Khan Energy said we're not gonna pay this. We're going to go to an international court and the government of India lost in the international court. And this year, a French court has let

Ken Energy seize Indian government assets in France. So the Indian government has to return $1.2 billion plus interest to Ken Energy. And the Indian government is not talking to Ken Energy. So Ken Energy has done the next best thing, which has gone around the world, seizing Indian assets. He started with France, and the first thing they seized in France is the Ambassador's house. So the ancient ambassador was quoted as saying, where am I going to live?

Which is an excellent question at the end of any arbitration. I mean, what's, what's, there was so, also something I read about them, to take hold of, uh, uh, uh, um, Indian air aeroplanes. Exactly, exactly. So basically you are right, the world has changed a little, apparently British companies cannot just seize Indian assets like it's 1860. Um, now they have to do it through a court and in this court, indeed they won. So they have a range of Indian assets they can take, diplomatic missions, aeroplanes, so anything that's an alter ego of the government of India they can take. They can even probably take national icons such in Tendulkar, the Cricketer, and keeping anything that's

an alter ego of the state of India, the French said is fair game So if you guys have suggestions for K&N energy, I think they have a website right so I mean I mean are people worrying now that they might get on an air India flight and they'll be sort of plain clothes K&N Executive's just rifling through their hand luggage and helping themselves to you know jewelry. Yeah apparently There's some precedence to this and day. I think some government seized Pakistan Airlines plane for unpaid debt. A similar thing happened to Venezuela. I think a Western country seized a couple of hotels. My only hope is that when they seize these things,

they better get the pilots or ticket home. I just think it's really unfair to see individuals along with the assets because it's not 1750 anymore. Sport now and England is beside itself with excitement after making it into the final of the European Championships for the very first time and only their second final of a major football tournament after the 1966 World Cup. And when you put it in those terms, I think you have to really recognize what a heroic effort of under-achievement English football has put in over the years with the resources, money, population that England has to have been so fucking shit for so fucking long is something that I really, I don't think we get enough credit for.

But as we're saying, English football has changed the players are more socially aware and politically actively active, but something that haven't changed are the significant proportion of England's fans being platinum grade f*** heads. And it's very hard to warm to England fans broadly. I imagine it's even harder if you're not English and they heroically, after a tournament, that has really been notable for its good will and particularly for the Danish team, who at the start of the tournament, their star player Christian Ericsson had a near fatal heart attack on the pitch during their opening match and they managed to come back from that and make it as far as the semi-finals.

And they all seemed like a good natured side and the England football fans took it upon themselves to boo the Danish national anthem and then aim this is not all England fans, some England fans aim a laser at the opposition goalkeeper whilst he was attempting to save the crucial penalty in extra time. So it's you know as outside observers of football and Englishness. What lessons do we learn from this? I for one I'm delighted Andy to realize that among the side effects of long COVID,

as well as erectile dysfunction being absolute football game seems to be in the mix there. I mean, it is, like I said, it's 55 years since England won a tournament, or even reached a final. And I don't think anyone's quite sure how the nation is going to react other than with a ridiculous amount of excitement and a frankly potentially planet-ending degree of smugness. This is the problem, Andy. We already know that England are sore losers.

And we are equipped to deal with the bad sportsmanship that comes with England's football fans losing a game. I don't think we're equipped to deal with what's going to happen if they win. I don't think that anyone can understand the level of chaos that will ensue. Chris, where do you put this in greatest moments in the history of humanity? From an English perspective, this is undoubtedly the greatest thing that's happened to us of all time, which is why literally every single radio station in TV show for the last four days doesn't matter what it's been about, it has on this so you thought you're watching homes under the

hammer it's now football edition this week look I just think all the football is a race between which team is going to realize that you can use your hands first I think New Zealand won that race, probably. Chris, when you say greatest thing in the history of the country, you are including the Magna Carter, the birth of the model in the naval industry, the industrial revolution, all of that. Yeah, I mean, that puts everything in the shade, really. It's only letting one goal in six matches, matches when they're doing this in a heroically tedious fashion But there's been some great football news in India as well recently, Anivab, I know you're an obsessive follower of global football But there was a very exciting moment for India. Yeah, well, you know

There's a lot of euro going on and we sat down and said, we've got 1.6 billion people and we haven't even qualified for the Southeast Asian regional finals. And what's the reason for that? So apparently, we tried to qualify for the World Cup but we lost to Qatar and Oman. Now, this is the bad news.

I'll come to the good news very quickly. Qatar and Oman. Now, this is the bad news, I'll come to the good news very quickly. Qatar and Oman have 750,000 people in all. This recording studio I'm in has more than 750,000 people. But still they're with third in our little pocket in Asia, however, we have a football called Sunil Ketri, who is right now the second highest gold scorer in the world after Cristiano Ronaldo, he's higher than Messi. Now a lot of these gold was scored in his house, a lot of these gold was scored in amateur matches, but just in sheer numbers Andy, because I know you like statistics. He is indeed the second high school

score in the world. So you have to wonder where is he during this tournament. He's in a studio in Mumbai, talking nonsense. And I blame the first world for this. You know, if Sunil Ketri was kidnapped and given British citizenship or Italian citizenship, you know, he's already ahead of Messi. So this is actually your loss. He's already ahead of Messi. So this is actually your loss. It's a loss of the Western world. So just to clarify, he's amongst currently active players. He's second behind Renaldo.

I've actually got an update for you, Anivvab, because sadly since the North Ketri scored his 73rd and 74th international goals against Bangladesh, classic brace for the Indian striker who of course famously also bagged a hat trick against Tajikis down back in 2008. Two teams Lionel Messi's never scored against it must be said. Messi was obviously stung by this and he scored a few goals in the copper America that have taken him back ahead of Sunil Ketchan. Now there's been a lot of talk about messies now

What is it 36 37 years old people say how long will he go on watch his motivation now and maybe this could be it his head to head in the International gold race with Sunil catcher that could put another four or five years on his career because he is not When I want to lose that race. He's already way behind Ronaldo. That's got a sting But to be behind Ronaldo and Sunil catcher., there's no way the little master's going to let that happen. No chance, and he looked, there's been some talk about some goalkeeper from Denmark having a flashlight laser pointed at him. I'm telling you Lionel Messi needs to come to India and play with Sunil Ketchery, and I'm only telling you this and that is this because you know football in India and you have attended a game and pointing a laser is the least of the goalkeepers

problems. One of the two games, one of which finished and the other of which did not finish due to a riot and Mason reeping thrown on the pitch of the blitz, the Calcutta derby of 2012, between East Bengal, now managed by former Liverpool star Robbie Fowler and Moe and back. But I mean, look, obviously... They were complaining about the laser pointer. They didn't, the laser pointer didn't achieve its goal, which was to have a cat leap right into the face of the goalie. That should have tried putting a cucumber on the pitch, I think. But I mean, who is the great, I mean, we do have to analyse this now.

I mean, who is the greater footballer, Lionel Messi or Senel Ketri? Obviously, internationally, they're neck and neck. You can't really separate them. Even the most dyed in the wall fan of Ketri's beloved Bengaluru FC in the Indian Super League would probably concede that Messi sneaks ahead on club form. But I guess the question is, and it's always been a question mark over Lionel Messi through his career.

Could he do it on a wet Wednesday night in Jamshedpur? And I guess we may never know. That is the question, or in Qatar, or Oman, or Darjeeling, proper football capitals of the world. That's, anyone can do it in Argentina and Brazil, that they're not even footballing countries.

BELL RINGS BELL RINGS Well, that concludes this week's Bugal, we will be back next week with our 200th episode since relaunch with... There'll be an extravaganza of all manner of things, hopefully, possibly. I'm quite busy until until then but we'll make sure something happens. By which side of course England will probably have won. Intribute to the Bugle reaching its 200th episode, one assumes that England will have won the football on Sunday, the relaunched Bugle. Any other shows to tell our listeners about Alice. Yes indeed Andy I will be doing a live show on Zoom on the I

think the 14th of this month. It's got the nowhere comedy club and the link is on my Twitter at a liturative LIT or ATIVE or as always on my patreon patreon.com slash Alice Fraser so that's a live show of Kronos which is the show that I've been working in. I was going to be doing it tonight in Bondite But unfortunately we're in lockdown, so I'll just be doing it probably in this room Also, I have a weekly show called The Gaggle, which is the I mean if the if the bugle is Audio newspaper for visual world The Gaggle is the glossy magazine pull-out section with all of the technology and science and boobs and none of the politics.

I don't remember that being part of it when you pitched it to us Alice. It was a very different show. Any of our many shows or podcasts coming up? Yeah, there is a slight possibility that I might have a short run at Soho Theatre starting 6th of September, but this is dependent on me quarantining in at least four countries starting with Mauritania and then a bunch of Greek islands and the Bagram Air Basin of Gunnstein. So if all that happens then 6th of September hopefully I will be standing on a stage for the first time since 2019.

Well, there will be a live bugle that week as well, the 7th of September at the Underbellies London Wonderground site in Earl's Courts, details on the internet. Thank you for listening, we will now play you out with some lies about our premium level volunteer subscribers to join them and keep the bugle free, flourishing and independent. For another 200 stroke, almost 500 episodes, go to thebuglepodcast.com and click the donate button. Stuart Elliott wonders whether glow worms only glow because they are really embarrassed about being worms. I'm not judging them, says Stuart.

I think I'd burn up a bit if I was a worm. I'm tolerant and all that, but the way they live is, frankly, well, very unconventional. So I think embarrassment is the most obvious explanation. Animals with a lot of body confidence, like lions, sharks and horses, don't glow in the dark, do they? Point proved. David O'Connor thinks there is an increasingly pressing need for a new tranche of musical instruments. They used to be loads more than there are now, notes David, serpents, all manner of now obsolete deltomers, snogger phones and parps aloots, for example.

But now everything is done on computers and we've lost the simple joy of seeing something and thinking, I wonder if I can make that sound funky if I whack it or blow in it. And I think that's a real shame. Ian Hembrow is much taken with the idea of the world needing new musical instruments. I'll get the conversation going, Cezean, by suggesting a mopadoon, a percussion instrument made from an old moped which you whack with a golf club. In fact, I've tried it and it sounded quite good actually, distinctive, clangy, but surprisingly surprisingly resident and melodic.

Well, at least it was until the owner of the Moped came storming out of his house and started shouting at me, then Rory McElroy asked for his golf club back. Ed Broughton wonders whether we're using parrots as effectively as we might in this world. Parrots have a terrific skill set for the modern world, says Ed, they're not afraid to dress well, and they just repeat whatever they're told to repeat. I think they could make excellent newsreaders, for example, or social media influencers, or perhaps even monarchs. Richard Gibson wonders whether we could harness modern technology to old mechanisms of dispute

resolution to streamline the processes involved in the online celebrity spat. Richard explains, dueling has had its critics over the years as a means of clearing the air, but we could shorten or even avoid 96% of all Twitter spots if the celebs involved, met at dawn, faced away from each other, walked ten paces, and then had to spin round and tweet something rude about the other person as fast as possible, whoever tweets first wins. Problem solved, obviously some celebrity egos would be fatally wounded, but I think that has to be more humane than the current system. And finally, Alan Priest once fell over a small hedge whilst transfixed by a passing bus on which he was convinced that a pigeon was not only caging a free lift, but specifically

perched on the front pretending to drive. I was impressed, Miss Alan. We humans have a primeval desire to feel the sensation of flight, but for pigeons, driving a bus must be similarly mind-blowing. And I imagine they often fly over people going for a run in the park thinking, you lucky bastards, what's it like? No wonder they crap on our car windscreens. It's jealousy, pure and simple. Hit end if this week's lies. Goodbye.