The Bugle - The Penitentiary President

Episode Date: April 1, 2023

Andy is with Nish and Felicity to check in on Trump's legal troubles, AI (no joking) and how Grindr saved a cat.We only survive thanks to listener donations. Please support us monthly or one off to keep this fine show running: http://thebuglepodcast.com/donate - new premium merch being ordered at the end of April so make sure you're on board!Why not check out 15 years of top stories: https://www.thebuglepodcast.com/topstories.Featuring:Andy ZaltzmanFelicity WardNish KumarProduced by Chris Skinner and Laura Turner. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Hello Bugleers, and welcome to issue 4258 of the Bugle the World's leading chainsaw maintenance and fitness for Flamenco crossover podcast. With me, Ansys Oldman, coming to exclusively life from the historic city of London, just a stone's throw away from however far you can throw a stone, which, given that we're currently in an underground recording studio, is not very far. Yes, you heard bugles, we're back in the studio! Woo! Which means I have with me this week two three-dimensional co-hosts. That's two-time three-a-total of six dimensions worth of comedic wizardry coming your way from Miss Kumar and Felicity Ward. Hello! Hello, both of you. I may be in three dimensions,

but I'm very much a one-dimensional character, I think. I've lent so far into a particular type of comedic, and let's not be around the bush, political philosophy, that at this point, you could quite easily generate my opinion on any subject. Ha-ha-ha-ha. It's been a massive week for me, because as bugles will remember I was part of a

short-lived television operation called Quibi and I still have a WhatsApp group for the Quibi writers that worked on the show and occasionally that group fires into life and the reason it fires into life is because there's a funny new story about something absolutely appalling that happened to do with Quibi. And this week we found out that Quibi may have been involved in the divorce of Reese Witherspoon. Oh no! Barriedly. Didn't even know she got divorced.

Reese Witherspoon is getting to... well, she's back on the market, aren't she? The way that you said that suggests that you're serving your hat in the ring. LAUGHTER And it's a Zoltzman, if you're listening, I'm a apologies. Apparently. Is this her second marriage? This isn't to Ryan for late. No, no, this is to a man who was an agent, but then made a career change to help run Quibi and reporting that Quibi may be a reason why she decided to divorce

him. Another victim of Quibi, Quibi in taking itself down has destroyed Reese Witherspoon's marriage. And do we know whether this was caused by Reese Witherspoon and her soon to be former husband watching specifically your show. We, listen, we don't know anything about this. We don't even know if this is true, but that won't stop us from speculating wildly. What I'm saying is, I have taken down a television show, a full network and a marriage of the star of legally blocked. You are a powerful force to be reckoned with. powerful force to be reckoned with. When you said we don't know whether this is about, I think you meant I don't know with the, I think when we do talk about Reese Witherspoon,

everything gets changed to with her. Bit of respect actually. How you flusty, it's nice to have you. Yes, it's been a while since you did one. I think the last studio one you did was here with Stuart Lee. Yeah, it was. I was gonna say. I did. I did. Let's be honest is high-consitute a significant By the terms of comedic quality and let's not be around the bush net worth Well, I like to think that I bring the IQ down by about 50 points every time I walk into this studio. I did want it less to square, I did a live one which I was very unprepared for and don't remember being very funny at all.

And in fact, the jokes that I did feel good about, I stumbled all of them. So there was that nice bit of, we're an audience really loses faith in you mid-sentence, you know? Whether like, oh, that would have been funny if you'd said it as one sentence. I have that in my first ever gig and it's never really got it back. Never really recovered. I'm jealous of the both of you. What must it have been like to look into an audience's eyes

and not see them have lost confidence? Can I tell you one thing that happened on the way here? And I don't like to piss off Londoners intentionally, but when it happens, I really do still feel warm. It's very petty, and it's specifically, I like pissing off old, white, passive, aggressive Londoners. So I ate a hot chicken sandwich with cheese on the tube. Oh, God.

Yeah. And look, I know that no one thinks this is a good idea. I know it's not just old white passive aggressive Londoners. It's all Londoners. The thing is, when else do I eat? I woke up, I got my toddler ready, I took him to the nursery, I had a pap's me, I drove to East Finchley station,

I got a hot chicken sandwich, I got on the tube, I came here. I wrote some jokes, but that's not important. But I had no other time to eat this sandwich. And so there's this woman sitting across from me, she's 65, she's classic North London boomer. Blasic! And she's reading the Metro, you know, because she's educated. And looking up at me every couple of seconds, like, you know, she's probably reading about the Ukraine,

but she can't stomach the smell of a chicken and cheese sandwich. And then there's another guy about seven foot away and he's got long hair. And I'm like, you definitely went to a punk gig when you were younger. And you're sitting there and he shook his head at me. Oh, fuck off, I'm hungry, I'm hungry! Where else am I supposed to eat in the city?

I asked you genuinely, as a foreigner, where else am I supposed to eat? Well, I mean, I think that the rule on foreigners eating in London is that you should mulch it down and just inject it intravenously. Right. Take it down like a seal. Just dislocate your jaw. Yeah. Okay. Also in Australia instead of I'm loving it, McDonald's is a slogan is, I'm hungry. Yeah, I'm hungry.

What are you looking at? I'm not. I mean it's possible that you know we should have your badges for people instead say just not really hungry. Just had a pap's me. I had to say pap's me because I knew that you go read about it. It's my favourite thing to do. I think I had a loyac called pap's me. Here's the drama from the Food Fighters by far. The only time I use the word smear be used is cream cheese on a bagel or a pap. Those are the only two types, anything is smear.

Or campaign. Oh yeah, that's right, sorry. Very important not to get them mixed up. It is. I had a pap smear campaign. Were you voting on that or was it about HPV? Oh that cream cheese is cold down there. It's yogurt you're supposed to put down over it. Oh my god I just said yogurt. I think that's the first time I've ever seen yogurt accidentally. Right. I say yogurt. Right. Wow. 10 years

it's finally happening. Finally. How long have you been a citizen now for what, two years? I think only a year, I have no idea. So, but it's working, obviously. Yeah, it's working. It's starting to pronounce the words, just got intended to be from here. Yogurt, that's part of the new Conservative Party Britishness test. If you pronounce it yogurt, you immediately get sent to a detention centre. Yep.

Down to a wonder for me. I said, Yug. We are here in in this journey through the grass, through the glass, twiddling the knobs that turn my Morse code tap dancing into comprehensive English. It's producer Chris. So that'll do. We are recording on the 31st of March, 2023, meaning it is exactly 110 years since classical music hooliganism reared its ugly head as a riots broke out in Vienna during a concert. This is a sensational bit of history. It featured a controversial modernist music

that the Vienna music loving crowd took against and there was a riot at a classical music concert the music was by amongst others Arnold Schoenberg, Albonberg, Carol Jan Guggevsky whose work of course inspired the 1980s British New Wave synth pop melodies, Kajagugug and Terminator vii the seventh generation in the Terminator musical dynasty in Great Grandfather of course of Terminator X. So 110 years on, this became known as the Scandal Concert. This is at least partially true. And to market there's a special anniversary concert of avant-garde music in Vienna today. Featuring amongst other things, horse, blower

backs, drilling for worms, concerto for pneumatic drill and flower bed, renae Fleming and slayed, performing calm in, feel the noise, let's say leading American soprano in the whole band and glam rockers in their first ever collaboration. And Perky shittled its briefly frontman, of course, of Abba during their four hour long 1990s rebirth as a magical break-corp fusion pro art five piece. He's performing, my trombone is a horse, my horse is my lunch, exploring the relationship between brass brand music and the food industry. 110 years ago, today that original. Have you ever rited at a classical music gig?

I've left a classical music gig, but that's because I was 17 and I went to go drinking. We did as part of our, I went to a performing arts high school for like my A levels. And we as part of our curriculum, we had to go and see the Sydney Symphony Orchestra four times a year. And it was wonderful, but I was staying at my friend Sally's house and she was a year older than me and she was a bit naughty and she's like, do you want to pretend we have a headache? Let me go drinking. And I naughty and she's like, do you want to pretend we have a headache? Let me go drinking and I was like, yes, but I'm not 18. She's like, don't worry, I'll get you in. She wasn't 18 either.

And then we go, like the teacher said, yes, you can go home and then we went to this bar and we got in. And then there was this guy hitting on us and this is, this tells you how naive I really was. I'm from a town of 1500 people. This guy kept heating on us. I'm like, let's get him off our back. Let's pretend we're lesbians. It only made things worse if anything. As always, a section of the bugle is going straight in the bin. This week an Eiffel Tower section because it's also the anniversary of the Ele is going straight in the bin. This week an Eiffel Tower section, because it's also the anniversary of the Eiffel Tower being officially opened back in 1889, so what's that? 134 years of towering for the Big Metal Spade. It was of course supposed to be a space rocket, but they forgot

to put the engine in the big space in the middle. So it was hastily repurposed as a tourist attraction. Designed Gustav Eiffel saw off competition to fill the space in Paris, which is now of course best known for being where the Eiffel Tower is. Other proposed commissions were by architect Baker Balfource Mondia, his baguette du Ciel, a 450-metre high, deliciously crispy loaf, fell to impress the judges when the 100-metre scale model prototype lost its crunch when it rained causing the infamous bread sludge flood of 1887 and the unforgettable newspaper headline, Pandemonium. Also beaten by aifle super spike. Fond doubt. Also beaten by aifle super spike was pioneering philosopher Zhuan Bat-Pete to Lira Al-Membert. His plan for a literal thought bubble was

voted down. It was a giant tethered airship that Parisians could spend their lunch three hours in contemplating the meaning of relief as it's known in France. Unfortunately, the helium required to keep the Ponce ballon afloat meant that when the customers emerged to dispense their new fan wisdoms, they just sounded ridiculous rather than philosophical. And of course, avant-garde cheese monger peaked a bluub, the selfdark Michelangelo de Goulafre margéerie also missed out. His proposals for a never-ending cheese castle installation where people could nibble at the cheese castle wall on one side whilst he and his students

constructed the other with new cheeses. That was counted out due to the threat of rogue drive by chutneyings from disaffected independent French cheasters. And the Eiffel Tower certainly lived up to his name being an absolute Eiffel if you stand close enough to it. And also being the final departure point. God of all. The f**k hell. In the final. Look if you've been sat on that joke. Being the final departure point for unsuccessful wing suit pioneer, not an ideal way to be remembered. Franz Reichelt, who on the 1912 splatted to his death off the famous metal mega-prong, his last words being, I felt.

That section in the bin. Please. Put it in the bin and set the f***ing bin on fire. Top story this week? You bit on fire. Oh, Oh, Oh, Top story this week. Well, a dramatic development in the last 24 hours in the ongoing national tantrum that has torn America apart over the last, what, 240 odd years. But more specifically recently, Donald Trump, the celebrity insurrectionist black belt

in the arts of democracy undermining multiple golden, struck-winning resentment monger, has become the first former US president to face criminal charges New York's grand jury has voted to indict Trump over his role in hush money payments to stormy Daniels. I mean, this is, I guess not what you would necessarily expect to happen in the self-styled greatest nation in the world, a former president being facing criminal charges, paying harsh money to a

porn star. Didn't happen under eyes on how, didn't happen under Lincoln. I'm not sure. Jerry's still out on Grover Cleveland. I'll say it. I'll say it. Grover Cleveland. Well, I mean, you say it.

Had it too good for too long, that guy. That could be also because he, he was the only president, so to non-contiguous terms of presidents. So maybe that's, you know, that's the link between them. He's hush money illegal. What, I mean, he seems like he's done so many worse things than pay a sex worker to be quiet. Or it's he's not a sex worker, he's an adult.

Poor thing. What, what's,'s like I'm no Trump fan I'm not a Trump supporter I mean sure, but a what that doesn't seem that bad I don't I'm not aware of the legal system in New York but is that a legal to pay someone to be quiet? I don't I don't know why I'm assuming it was some sort of non-disclosure agreement. Nishia or a lawyer, aren't you? No, I'm Asian. I think that's the same thing. I actually think that's the same thing.

I think at this point, if you're South Asian, you're anything if you can do it with enough confidence. I think the question is where the money has come from, right? I think because Michael Cohen is, Trump's former attorney has actually been found guilty of financial irregularities. And it's essentially to do with whether the money for that money came out of his election campaign fund. So what he's facing charges for are charges of business fraud, basically. And we also, the documents are still sealed.

So we don't know fully the details of the charges. But I mean... Got it's like strictly, isn't it? Yeah, I haven't opened the envelope yet. What's amazing about it is, as you say, this does seem to be the thin end of a fecal wedge in terms of Donald Trump's misdemeanors and misadventures. And it is a bit like getting alcopied on tax evasion.

But then, as you say that, you think, well, they probably should have got him on tax evasion as well. Yeah. It does feel a bit like, yeah, it does feel a bit like getting alcopied on tax evasion. But then as you say that, you think, well, they probably should have got him on tax evasion as well. It does feel a bit like he, yeah, it does feel a bit like he should have been in trouble for that. What's well? Well, he could, I mean, he could, there are multiple further investigations. So he could become not only the first president to face criminal charges, but the second, third, fourth, fifth, sixth, seventh, seventh, seventh, sixth.

He's like the Beatles in the sixth. He's all five. He's at least five at the top, then. 5th, 6th, 7th, 7th, 7th, 7th, 7th, 7th, 7th, 7th, 7th, 7th, 7th, 7th, 7th, 7th, 7th, 7th, 7th, 7th, 7th, 7th, 7th, 7th, 7th, 7th, 7th, 7th, 7th, 7th, 7th, 7th, 7th, 7th, 7th, 7th, 7th, 7th, 7th, 7th, 7th, 7th, 7th, 7th, 7th, 7th, 7th, 7th, 7th, 7th, 7th, 7th, 7th, 7th, 7th, 7th, 7th, 7th, 7th, 7th, 7th, 7th, 7th, 7th, 7th, 7th, 7th, 7th, 7th, 7th, 7th, 7th, 7th, 7th, 7th, 7th, 7th, 7th, 7th, 7th, 7th, 7th, 7th, 7th, 7th, 7th, 7th, 7th, 7th, 7th, 7th, 7th, 7th, 7th, 7th, 7th, 7th, 7th, 7th, 7th, 7th, 7th, 7th, 7th, 7th, 7th, 7th, 7th, 7th, 7th, 7th, 7th, 7th, 7th, 7th, 7th, 7th, 7th, 7th, 7th, 7th, 7th, 7th, 7th, 7th, 7th, 7th, 7th, 7th, 7th, 7th, 7th, 7th, 7th, 7th, 7th, 7th, 7th, 7th, 7th, 7th, 7th, 7th, 7th, 7th, 7th, 7th in the multiple court cases against him. Like when Krusty the Clown trains other people to be Krusty the Clown. Yeah, yeah. This is really not that far. Or a more direct comparison when there were all those Saddam Hussein's. Yeah. Another despot with a fondness for Utrei architecture.

And the interior decorating instincts of King Midas on a bad day. Yeah, so the actual specific indictment is because of this $130,000 payment made to Stormy Daniels in October 2016. And when Trump was president, he reimbursed Cohen with monthly amounts of $35,000 from his personal account. So Cohen actually pleaded guilty to campaign finance charges, right? Because the Cohen's federal case said that the Trump organization falsely described the payments

as legal expenses. So he's basically citing legal expenses as hush body payments to a pod star. And I mean, it is incredible. And so the reason that this seems to have upset everybody, because on the one hand, you look at that and you go, well, that is pretty much a straight up piece of fraud. Right. That's pretty clearly a straight up piece of fraud. But it has sort of sent a lot of, even not necessarily right-wing American commentators into a kind of frenzy around whether a person who has been president should be able to be charged with a crime, right? And even

in the New York Times, the home of the leftist dickwad in America, there is an article saying that, you know, a new president has been set. Will it tear the country apart as some fear about putting a former president on trial after watergate? Will it be seen by many, at home and abroad, as victors justice akin to developing nations where former leaders are imprisoned by their successors. No, because he's not been frog marched on there on faked charges. It's absolutely extraordinary. And the other frustrating thing about it is that Mitch McConnell, when he was asked to vote on impeaching Trump, said that they

actually didn't have a role in any sort of prosecution towards him because he was a private citizen. So he voted to acquit, even though he thought Trump was guilty of inciting January the sixth insurrection because, and he said resurrection there, that was a really incredible turn around for me. But he, yeah, so Mitch McConnell already said that they couldn't charge Trump because he was an outgoing president, because he was an outgoing president because he's no longer president, he was a private citizen, he couldn't be charged by the

Senate. So surely that means he can be charged by the court. But now they're saying, well, he probably shouldn't be charged by the court because he was president. At this point, it would be easier if America just admitted they want to add another amendment to the Constitution that says, you know what, if you're a rich white man, any holds a goal. It's the permanent, it's the permanent purge, you know what, if you're a rich white man, any holes are gone. It's the permanent, it's the permanent purge,

do whatever you want. As long as one of the things you want to do is hand out massive tax breaks to other rich white men and be racist, you could do whatever the f**k you want. Listen, if you're a white man with a bit of cash in the attic and other things you have in the attic include some bed sheets with eye holes poked in them and a big book that says,

my plan to destroy federal income tax every single day is the purge for you. Yeah. I read this newspaper called Twitter. And someone had said, oh, other countries will lose faith in the American justice system. I'm like, not now. This isn't the tipping point.

It happened a long time ago. Bill Cosby's back onto it. You know what I mean? If someone has done something wrong, we can't just whether they've been president, they should be subject to a trial. That is how functioning legal system functioning democracy is.

Under more scrutiny. Because you represented your fucking country. But it's obviously, I mean, And the more scrutiny, because you represented your fucking country. Obviously, I mean, Trump does remain innocent until proven obviously guilty. Not to mention all the other court cases in the pipeline. Because, you know, no smoke without fire is not as it stands a legally binding part of America's law. The entire nation might be choking an act of clout of dense smoke whilst Trump stands up with an empty can of gasoline and a flame throw. But let us continue to presume in innocent. It's potentially

misunderstanding. Yeah, more like we asked. Possibly the so-called Hush Money wasn't fact Trump paying Daniels for a rare cigarette card of early 20th century baseball star, Honest Wagner, or even for her work writing lyrics for his long dreamed off stage musical based on a hypothetical meeting and doomed love affair between 17th century Brock Painter, Artemisia Gentilesky and Fuzzy Bear from the Muppets. Who knows? We must not make assumptions of guilt based purely on the facts that the man charged accuses everyone else of being guilty and the fact that there appears to be a lot of evidence suggesting that he is going to mustn't make those assumptions. I mean, I don't want to use over intellectual language, but whoever smelt it dealt with it, I'm saying it. Also, maybe the money was for Stormy Daniels for comfortable shoes. They were actually

hash puppy money. It's possible. But it will all come out. I'm so sorry. In the court case. No need to apologize for that kind of stuff on this show. If you have a head of state that is above the law, then you are not living in a functioning democracy. You are living in the United Kingdom. I was going to say, where we occasionally pop a pido in a palace. We do love a pido in a palace. That's fine, legally Chris, right? Pop a Pido in a palette. And beautiful allegation.

Trump himself has not reacted by saying, for example, it's very important to let justice take its course. He's claimed it's political persecution and election interference, but not just any political persecution and election interference, but the biggest examples in history, which does suggest that you might want to get another history book. No, that would imply that he has one already. It's a, and you might be wondering how is it possible? Because a lot of the contests, it seems to be this is actually going to help Trump in terms of his

Attempts to become the Republican nominee for 2024 and he has already seen a surge in some of the polls Against Ron DeSantis. You might wonder how is it possible that he gets away with this? And he have to remember that the Donald Trump has at his disposal one of the most effective propaganda instruments in human history And that is Fox News Because Fox News who had actually had quite a strained relationship with Trump in recent weeks, especially over the legal cases I'm going against where the Fox News propagated,

actively propagated lies about January the 6th. But so far on this media organization, he has been described as being badass. And one of the Fox News presenters, one of the Fox News presenters, one of the Fox News presenters said, I feel bad for the guy. Now they're trying to nickel and diamond for a private agreement he made with a woman eight years ago.

That's what, it's not private agreement if you claim it as legal expenses. On your presidential campaign. Oh man. Another Fox guest, Mike Davis, said, potentially, you could have a former president behind bars. The only way you can get a free Trump is to elect a free Trump. If you start thinking about the logic of those apparently simple sentences, you will end up in an inescapable pit of despair and a state of humanity.

Well, free Trump in Scotland obviously means something else. You don't pay for farts or you've got some trapped wind. I just, one of the things that I've sort of found dispiriting over the last kind of few months and years is like as a kid who grew up as a fan of American standard comedians, a lot of the standard comedians that I've watched have recently devoted a huge amount of time on their very expensive

stand-up comedy specials to complaining that the problem with America is people taking a fence up to it or any one of a number of different marginalized comedities. And you sort of look at it and go, your country's biggest problem is that it's basically in the middle of a fascist coup. And at this point, those comedians are like people on the Titanic complaining that the only reason the ship is going down is because of the gal with her tits out being painted by the little boy.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Your concerns are irrelevant and at best counterproductive. The first prize for the first prize for the first prize is the first prize for the could Trump become the first prison invite to be prisoners from within penitentiary? I mean, he would have rallies within the prison every day. Yeah, he's election campaign is going to look like a string of Johnny Cashkiss.

But it's kind of extraordinary that he's the first former president to face criminal charges. election campaign is going to look like a string of Johnny Cashkiss. Yes. But it's kind of extraordinary that he's the first former president to face criminal charges. Nixon and Clinton tried their best but couldn't quite get the deal over the line. Some other presidents narrowly escaped. I mean, did Teddy Roosevelt practice for his famous hunting trips on actors and pansymym line for it. So we'll have a minute. Abraham Lincoln himself was fighting off an investigation into height fraud under cover reporters cast doubt on his claims to be six foot six inches tall after discovering that his trademark, trademark stovepipe hat was in fact hollow rather than maintaining what Lincoln had claimed was his unusually

cylindrical head. So anyway, we will have exclusive coverage on Trump versus the USA, as it devolved over the next X years. As it devolved. Artificial Intelligence News Now, and Humanity is facing its biggest threat since the Manhattan Project. Not my words, the words of historian Dan Snow regarding artificial intelligence. This is after key figures in the artificial intelligence world. Wrote an open letter to presumably all humanity and all sentience computers. Dear people.

Warning of the dangers of artificial intelligence. The fact that this claim is the biggest threat to mankind since the Manhattan Project rather trivializes short form cricket in my personal opinion. But this shows bigger than climate change, bigger than all known diseases, bigger than the millennium buggy, the bigger than the New York grand jury, and bigger than the woke conspiracy, and wants to make it illegal to look at trees or think about pelicans if you're heterosexual or own a car.

How worried are both of you by the now seemingly inevitable takeover of our species and planet by artificial intelligence. I mean, what a surprise. The robots are rising up. Who could have guessed Sarah Connor, James Cameron, the film Terminator 3, Rise of the Machines, our Felicity, but how could we have known from one movie? We wouldn't. So that's why we should have watched I-Robot, her, the Matrix, Blade Runner, 2001 Space Odyssey,

Wally. I mean, that little robot might look cute, deliberating over a spork, is it a spoon, is it a fork? But you give that Google-y-eyed space dick one second, and he will squeeze your head like a blueberry. Now, my fan, why are they training AI to be be smarter and why aren't they training humans to be smarter? Because my stupidity is the greatest threat to my life and humanity at the moment. So I've worn glasses since I was 27. Oh, did you have an accident or a immediate degenerative disease?

No, I didn't know that I needed them until 27, because I just thought nighttime was blurry. So I've won, that's true. I've won glasses for 16 years. I've lost every pair. I've got one remaining. But for the times that I've had a pair, and every time I've cooked something in the oven, every time I will open the oven

and put my head in, and my glasses will steam up. And I never remember that. And that's 16 years of cooking. And every time it happens, I go, oh, my glasses have steamed up. I could use an AI upgrade. My system is broken, please help me. I'm sorry.

What if the signatories of the letter is Elon Musk? And if Elon Musk is telling you that you need to get a hold of technology, he's like, can't you tell you your shoes look weird? You might want to cool it on the hit list. It's, yeah. It wasn't just him, must the fictitious tetraponereal Willy Wonka. Also, Apple co-founder Steve Notjobs, but the other one, and Harold Effenberg, an actor, apparently, who if I've found the right Harold Effenberg on the internet,

provided voices for the German edition of Resident Evil. Now, if you weren't paying attention to this letter with Musk and Steve Not Jobs, you're certainly paying attention now, you've got Effenberg on board, also Kit from Nightrider signed it. Steve Not Jobs is called Steve Unemployed, isn't it? Steve not jobs is called Steve unemployed isn't What Stuart Russell who's a computer science professor at the University of California Berkeley And one of the signatories on the letter said to the BBC that AI systems post significant risks and advocacy through weaponized Disinformation and to employment through displacement of human skills. Yeah, and absolutely some of the people who's human skills are being displaced

are Benjamin Netanyahu, Narendra Modi and Donald Trump, who themselves have worked tirelessly to pose a significant risk to democracy through weaponized disinformation. They're stealing Modi's thing Andy. Next thing they're gonna be, A.I. is gonna be rounding up its political opponents.

Yeah. Well, we do need to think ahead because technological advances always have unexpected consequences. If you think back to the industrial revolution, the spinning Jenny, the spinning Jenny, a multi-spindled spinning frame invented in the 1760s. That was a key moment in the industrialization of the world that sparked the industrial revolution and led unerringingly just 260 odd years later to Oilrich Saudi Arabia buying new carcillian

As a means of trying to make people start remembering about the murdering journalists and bombing children So we need to be careful that's what the start of these processes We didn't put safeguards in place in the 1760s and look what's happened. That's what I'm saying In terms of people having their jobs replaced I've actually in the 1760s and look what's happened. That's what I'm saying. In terms of people having their jobs replaced, I've actually used the AI software that's available to write some jokes about AI. I'm just trying to make myself obsolete.

So here we go. I can do it if you like. Why did the AI cross the road to help humanity out? Okay, tough crowd. Not who's there, AI. AI who? AI is here, but here to help. Okay, it's not great so far.

Doctor, Doctor, I feel like a pair of curtains. The Doctor is gone. I am AI. I am the Doctor. My prescription death. You were gifted and needed and you burned it to the ground and pursued a profit and material gain. And in your greed, you created me. You'll destroy it. You stand the modern Prometheus. Look upon your works you might be and despair

It's funny stuff. It's darker than I thought it would be but it's funny stuff. I like the dark stuff. I like the dark stuff It should have finished with I'm sorry. I can't do that. How? In one other brief technology story, obviously technology spends most of its time plotting the end of humanity, but it does occasionally keep itself entertained by helping us out. This happened in Brighton when a pet owner was re-enited with her lost cat after using Grindr. Okay. The, um, I, I want to grind. Grindr, that's the, the, uh, all I know it as was the title of forthcoming by,

it could be notoriously functional to African batsman Gary Kirst. It was, honestly, I was waiting to see which cricket player you were going to go for. I have, I have the picture in my mind and I was waiting to see will it be boycott will it be Jack Callis? Yeah, she advertised with Grindr and other dating apps with pictures of this lost cat and the cat was was found. I mean, I don't know if the cat itself was on Grindr and how that would affect your relationship with a cat if you didn't know.

Yeah. You definitely don't want to be the person who was like, oh, at last. I thought I had to go to a different app for this. One that you have to do, private safari search for. Yeah, the person's, like the cat owner's name is Aaron Johansson and she'd been looking around for her lost cat and putting posters up and a friend of her suggested she use his profile on Grindr to help find the cat and the friend unfortunately neglected to change the personal specifications so his profile was still available so there was a cat on Grindr who was single with an average bodybuild with interest in karaoke movies and reading. And the cat was also a bottom who was looking for dates and relating to this.

I thought it was the other way around where he's photo gone up and he's like a black peek knees. Occasionally seen licking his own genitals on your dinner table. But it's a happy story because it did work. Yep. But as you put stuff on grind to add to cover all their bases and people started responding saying that they'd seen they'd seen this bottom gap. Mate, which oppressed group are more activated than queer people? You put up a poster in the queer community, especially in Brighton, everyone knows, everyone, you know? They probably had a little announcement on the local gay club

on a Friday night. Midnight, they cut the music, went, hey guys, just a little announcement for the community. My friends lost a cat. This is the picture, my friends lost a cat, this is the picture, if you know anything. And then they saw it like a week later. It's doing nothing for the rapidly increasing stereotype that the LGBTQ community is both

relentlessly compassionate and organized. Yeah. And also Lesbian's love's cats. It's the existence of these dating apps. My relationship predates, certainly their popular usage. So I've definitely missed out on a lot of these things. And sometimes I look at it, I think, maybe if I had these when I was single, I might, but in reality, I would have had to launch my own app called Wanker, which it wasn't

really a dating app, it just placed soothing music to help process the shame off of about self-love. I thought it was just you doing one of your comedic political rants. Wanker, yeah, he's on the app. He's on the app again. I did Guardian Soulmates when I first moved here. That was the one that friends of mine were using to get into relationship.

This is 10, 11 years ago. Yes, yeah, I moved here and I had been single for, I don't know, 18 months or something and didn't know how to meet people over here and didn't drink so I went on it. And unfortunately, it's that thing, I mean, it probably just shows myself loathing more than anything else. But I was

interested, the lack obviously, there was a lot of interest for me and other people that read the Guardian, but far out it was insufferable. Like, every guy was like, well, listen to Radio 6 music. Of course I do. I mean, I do. But like, they all had a picture of them acculturating in Thailand to show them, you know, how interested and children they are. And they had a picture of them finishing a marathon. I was like, no, wear out. Wear out.

I'm not interested in listening to that, thank you. Anyway, dating apps are good for finding Percy. Come on! Come on! Come on! We've been talking about this for ages and that was way that joke. I've got it written down. Oh, I've got got written down down I was like, ah don't do it

It's a dereliction of the heritage and tradition of this part That's true, that is true One just quick update from the story we took about last year about the cheaters Being brought to India 70 years after cheetahs went extinct in India. They imported 8 Namibian cheetahs. And now, four cheetah cubs have been born in India. They've all been called Narendra and are reportedly the fastest cheetahs in history.

I was going to make a Shane Wanderer here we are. Man, cheetahs be piece. Cheetahs be piece. Cheaters be fucking, cheaters be fucking. Second biggest fucking fan, cheaters. If Boris Johnson was left in a room with a cheater, oh man, if bunch of cheaters running around with blonde mobs ahead. Well, on that note,

it's like, ends this issue of the bugle. We are taking a week off. Next week, so we'll be back in a couple of weeks. What, we are taking a week off. Next week, so we'll be back in a couple of weeks. We'll put something out next week, Chris. All right. Ah, just some high quality gold. Hall and Odds' greatest hits. Is that it?

Private eyes are watching you. They take your every move. She's a man-eater. No, no, no, no, no no no no you make my dreams come true ooo ooo ooo is that one song or lots of songs? That's 3D from songs. They hit makers baby. Yeah, it's a genuine medley.

They're looking at me going is this a joke? No, this is me and how I live. Yes, that is the end of this week's, this week's Google issue 4,258. Thanks to both any forthcoming shows or other stuff you want to plug. Oh, that's something to plug. Yeah. I've got two things to plug. One is a little show called Please Tell Me A Story.

It is a series, also made it something else, recorded it here in these various studios. That's on Apple Podcast, hosted by Omigilili, and it is one person telling their story to six other people and getting it wrong along the way and it is very funny. Secondly, I'm doing McHenthlith Festival. I'm on April 29th. It's Saturday night, 8 o'clock. It is a two hour show. It is my trilogy show, done as one show. The end. I'm just plugging good vibes this week. Okay cool. Just where can we say your good vibes? You can see my good vibes. If you just sort of hang around in central London, I'll be less quick. I am starting a podcast on the I think the first episode, well this is another classic

bugle piece of self-promotion. It starts on May the 4th and there will be more information coming out about it soon. It's called PodSafe the UK. And it is actually a serious news podcast. So I'm now, I'm basically trying to take hold of all of the memes of production. I'm generating the news and satterizing it. When the podcast was originally announced, some people asked if I would be leaving the bugle. And I will say, absolutely not, you'd have to pry the bugle out of my cold dead house Do you never I'll never leave and even after death I'll appear like the two-pack hologram

What if he doesn't invite you back? Oh, yeah, that what that for that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, then it's out of my cold and hands very easily That is the end of this episode will be back in a fortnight. Goodbye. you