The Bugle - The World Drifts Into Anti-Semanticism

Episode Date: November 18, 2023

The APEC summit in San Francisco gets people onto the streets, except the homeless. Also, Bernie Sanders gets cross, the Middle East is very complicated, and David Cameron has a new job.Plus, is there a god?PLUS: Become the owner of an exclusive episode of The Bugle, on 12 inch vinyl! Become a premium member NOW! https://www.thebuglepodcast.com/donateThis episode was presented and written by:Andy ZaltzmanNato GreenAlistair BarrieAnd produced by Chris Skinner and Laura Turner Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The Bugle, audio newspaper for a visual world. Hello Buglers and welcome to issue 4281 of the Bugle audio newspaper for a visual world albeit an audio newspaper in which you can't trust what you hear for a visual world in which you really shouldn't believe what you see. Don't shoot the messenger, or don't shoot anyone just a general piece of life. I'm Andy Zoltzman, the undisputed champion of disputing things, oh no, I've just lost my title

by saying that. I'm here in London, or as the Romans called it, how's the Romans before they founded London? After they invaded our God-given Britishly British land in 43 AD, thank you Brussels, hashtag take back control. And I'm joined today from San Francisco, a city which escaped Roman colonization by a mixture of luck, geography, non-existence at the time,

and exorbitant property prices. Joining me from there, NATO Green, welcome back NATO. Hello Andy, hello bugleers. How have you been since you were last last time? A few happy weeks ago for this planet. miserable, alternate jags of uncontrollable sobbing and binge drinking. I did discover something Andy. I was, you know, politics is so stupid and we end up having to write about the same things again and again. And so, do you have this experience where you're like, did I write this joke already? And so, I went back

to listen to older Mugles to see if I had done a joke already. And I was switching between a few episodes. You know how like DJs will cross fade between records? And I realized that if you start any Andy's Altsman joke in the history of the bugle and at some point switch to any other Andy's Altsman joke, it will still play. So Chris could remix the entire bugle back catalog by just splicing Andy setups and punks lines together in a free-for-all manner and it would still sound like Andy. Right, okay, well I mean it's good to know that I've got such incredible theatrical

range. Also joining us on the bugagle for the first time. So bringing something fresh to this, what evidently is a tidal format. Someone I gig with for the first time, literally a millennium ago, or at least in a different millennium. Uh, well, well, welcome to the Beagle to Alistair Barry. Hello, Al, how are you? I'm very well, my friend, how are you?

Very good. Welcome to the show. I feel slightly awkward that we've got one guest coming from the glamour of San Francisco, and I'm speaking to you from the holiday in Express Hall that you attach to a large multi-story car park. Levels of glamour that Alan Partridge would genuinely look down upon.

I must say, I very much like what NATO said about your jokes and I don't mean that in a bad way. I've always been a very big fan of your wordy introductions of your, especially when we used to do political animal and those very long, I've always thought you could actually do 20 minutes off stage just splicing your introductions together and actually not bothered with the gig at all. So I think we we spotted an opportunity.

Yeah, but if only I'd done that during my brief not particularly successful clubs, Dan Lupker here, then I think my 20 minutes actually would have gone a lot better. We are recording on the 17th of November 2023. On this day in 1810, Sweden declared war on the United Kingdom. Thus beginning the Anglo-Swedish war.

One of my all-time favourite wars. It raged from November 1810 until July 1812, and when I say raged, it raged like a bench in the park. No fighting ever took place. No one was killed in it and trade between the two countries continued largely unaffected. Why can't all wars be like that? But there were still surely English people making jokes about having five weapons left over at the end of the conflict. I mean, I thought the films, they films wouldn't be so exciting,

but, and maybe the poetry wouldn't reach Schultz Heights, but other than that, that sounds like the ideal blueprint for a war. It seems like a very like Swedish thing. Yeah. That just so that they would have a war and not show up. Like, Sweden seems to be really committed as a nation to not doing war effectively. Like to non commitment.

They have in Stockholm there's a giant museum of the Vassa museum Have you been there? Oh, yes, they're greatest worship. Yeah, yeah, that they like built to defeat their enemies and then immediately sunk Yeah, I mean it lasted us. I think about 20 minutes, didn't it? Longer than your club No, no, no, no, no, they went on far longer than 20 minutes. As always, a section of the bugle is going straight in the bin. This week, Napoleon Bonaparte, to mark the launch of the new Ridley Scott blockbuster Napoleon featuring Wacken Phoenix. We ask some searching questions about Napoleon, including did Napoleon actually exist or like Maximum's Desimus

Meridius in Gladiator also featuring a Wacken Phoenix directed by Scott. Did Ridley Scott just make him up? I mean, it's quite possible, isn't he? He's got a bit of a track record for it. Maximum's known as Maximum's, of course, because there's remarkable consistency throwing 180s when playing Darts. Also, we ask, if Napoleon had invaded Russia from the other end in 1812, would he have been any more successful?

And he answered, no. Also, we asked, could the rumors be true that Nappy, as he was known by his mates, escaped from exile on Centrelayne, and before his alleged death in 1821, and it's now making a living in Vegas as an Napoleon impersonator. Plus, we ask who would win a battle craft,

gymnastics mashup competition between Napoleon and Simone Biles, and I personally would definitely tune in for that. Also, we give you tips on how to make your own Napoleon at home. We have an advice from a leading historical figure, modeling expert. You can make a decent bicorn hat out of some old underwear and a coat hanger apparently. Plus we tell you how to divert electricity from your home circuit to bring your model Napoleon to life. You will of course need the Bill Peers permission to do this and you will

also need a live chicken and five gallons of vinegar. Don't ask, just do it. That section in the bin. The fact you managed to get through a whole bit on Napoleon without mentioning Wellington once means you have to be hounded out of Britain to return, I think. Absolutely great. Played by Rupert Everett in the film apparently. Oh really? An interesting portrayal having essentially someone who's quite well known for his sort of slightly flamboyant and often I think he's played drag quite a lot. I'm looking forward to the film enormously, but I think it would add a certain historical level to really annoy those people who fetishise your

churches and your Wellington's if he did turn up at Bought Waterloo wearing Wellington boots in a dress. I always think that the reason they don't go to full historical accuracy in film is that then like 80% of the film would be taken up with characters saying you have horrible breath because no one has invented toothpaste. Top story this week. San Francisco has been the center of the world. Exciting times for you, NATO is your home city as host to the APEC summit. APEC I think is basically a global cartel that artificially fixes the price of advox, but the summit in San Francisco this week, I mean, it's brought your city to a standstill,

hasn't it? Have you enjoyed the grand jamboree? It's, so the apex summit, the Asian Pacific Economic Cooperation Forum has brought 20,000 diplomats and businessmen to the San Francisco Convention Center to plot the further plunder of the world. And so we, it has totally jacked up traffic. Everyone from here is staying away from downtown unless you are going there either to plot the aforementioned plunder of the world

or protest people doing that. One of the other, there's no other activities happening in San Francisco right now. The city has, we're excited to welcome the 20,000 delegates to the city to enjoy the culture for which we're famous to try some of our drugs and the fentanyl that people we've been overdosing on at record numbers. There was, you know, there's been all these news stories about the decline of San Francisco. It's a failed city homelessness and they managed to make all the homeless people disappear and clean the city city and people ask two questions.

One is, why didn't we do that last month if you could just do that? And two is, where did you put the homeless people? So we think that they're being fed to the APEC delegates. So because our mayor sort of has like a case of Munchausen by proxy towards the city, where she sort of goes in cycles of like trying to destroy the city

so that she can take credit for saving it. And you know, we didn't want people to lose out. There was a check camera crew that was robbed at gunpoint. So while they were filming, so that's exciting. San Francisco famous for our gaze. We had a gay event called gay pack, so that the delegates could come and enjoy the fisting that we invented. I don't know why they called it gay pack when

Pacific Rim was sitting right there. Family show. Family show. We have people chaining themselves to delegates, getting arrested, not getting arrested, wishing they could get arrested because it's cold and wet and they want to go home and their butts are getting cold. So it's been an exciting week. Tell us what they've been doing with the homeless people then, is that how it works? Basically they've managed to turn them into protesters because that way they can be corraled into some sort of prison cell and kept warm. So you've managed to kill two problems

with one fell swoop there. That was sort of the genius of occupied Wall Street, if you recall, is we're not homeless, we're protesters. You're a whole... I like the fact that a check camera crew was robbed at gunpoint. I have to say, I've never been to San Francisco, I've been to America quite a lot.

And I have to say, if I was robbed in America and it wasn't at gunpoint, I would feel short-checked. I feel it's only fair that fire arms were involved at some point. And you can't come back and go, got mugs, what did you have? Just an attitude, I think that would work. I was particular, another story about the impact

on the city. There was a couple that was due to get married, found that their wedding venue was inside the Summit Security Zone. The last thing you want at a wedding is delegates at an international economic conference milling around. It just devalues the entire concept of making long-term promises and sounding like you actually mean them. I think that's a very inauspicious start to a marriage. It depends on what you registered for, Andy, because if your bridal registry included trade-related intellectual property rights, you might have hit the jackpot.

Elon Musk pulled out of his planned gig at the summit, the fictitious Tecdra Brunnor and Cartoon, Badi had a schedule change apparently, and had to spend the afternoon stroking his white cat and fostering anti-Semitism instead. So, it's not been all that, but I do think this idea of solving the entire homeless problem could be something that, I mean, this might be the big positive for the world to emerge from this summit.

And we just need more global summits everywhere all the time. And we will solve all street homelessness. It seems like that solution has been staring us in the face for. How's the world's homeless through protest and basically removing from the streets that way? Yeah. That is it. That is it. That is it. Well, because obviously over here, I don't know if no, you've followed this over here. It turns out homelessness in Britain is a lifestyle choice. Yeah. According to our recently departed home secretary. And I've always thought, you know, pitching a tent at the Glastonbury Festival is a lifestyle

choice. Pitching it on the high street, I've always felt slightly less of a lifestyle choice. And I don't know if you've seen, you may have seen our very famous homeless lifestyle magazine, the Big Issue, featuring, you know, centerfolds of men on, you know, various levels of heroin overdose and a special supplement for partwentures you can buy nearby. The British... it turns out that you know I'm going to blow your mind. Do you know how they solved the homeless problem in San Francisco for the summit? Are you ready? Go on then. They put them in homes. Oh. And somehow that works. In terms of the meeting between Biden and Angie, so I mean, a few slight moments of

awkwardness, for example, when Biden called President-G a dictator, which apparently he doesn't like very much. Biden said he's a dictator in the sense that he's a guy who runs a country based on a form of government that is totally different from ours, which, it's a bit of a, that's a slightly restricted definition of dictator. I love that Biden backpedaling on the dictators, like, oh, it's just different,

I don't mean dictator in a bad way, some of my best friends are dictators. It's such a significant meeting that the leaders of the United States and China met that the world's largest superpower met with the United States. Well, I did like, there was one quite saying that they agreed and this was a huge step forward, that they agreed to share military intelligence. And I was kind of under the impression that they had actually been sharing military intelligence for many, many decades now. It's just they didn't like to let each other know that that's what they were doing. You've got,

you've got Trump, who basically is there calling anyone who doesn't vote for him vermin. I almost think that Biden saying that she might be a dictator is almost a term of endearment. almost the term of endearment. In other American news there's been a highly entertaining squabble NATO which made Bernie Sanders from a presidential candidate gets as cross as I think I've ever seen him be and bearing in mind that his fundamental state of existence is being crossed about the entire state of America and the planet. That was quite impressive. Just bring us up to date with the scuobble that provoked Bernie Sanders to get. I think a repetitive gavill banging injury.

As I may have said before, Bernie Sanders is a 82-year-old bald Jewish socialist grandpa who went to University of Chicago in 1962, which is also a description of my dad. So when people are like, oh, I really love Bernie Sanders, I'm like, I get it, my dad is cool too. So, but so it was it was at a hearing of there's a Senate committee that Sanders is the chair of. It's the Senate Health Education Labor Pensions Committee, aka the Help Committee, because they mean well. And the title of the hearing was standing up against corporate greed, how unions are improving the lives of working families. And the Republicans on the committee couldn't have that. So Mark Wayne Mullin is a senator from Republican Senator from Oklahoma who challenged the president of the Teamsters Union to a fight during the hearing.

Sean O'Brien, the teamsters president, and Sanders had to bet repeatedly gavill to call the hearing back to order. I love the whole exchange because to call the hearing back to order. I love the whole exchange because, I guess Sean O'Brien had tweeted at some point, you're a punk anytime anywhere, and Mullen wanted to fight him and said, stand your butt up right now. And O'Brien said, I will.

And Sanders said, we're not fighting. We're here to talk about working families and and so here's my favorite part is is Senator Sanders in attempting to redirect the scuffle said to Senator Mullin this is a hearing Sean and Brian is the witness do you have a question for the witness and then Mark Mullin said you said any time any place This is a time and a place and Senator Sanders said that's not a question So then that is a dumbest thing about what Mullin did was he brought he he brandished color printouts of

He brought, he brandished color printouts of, of Sean O'Brien's tweets. Like he had had the presence of mine to print out in color. That is like some very much like okay boomer energy. He's like not understanding how the technology works. That you had to print out color copies of tweets in order to make a point. But here's the thing, Mark Wayne Mullin is a former MMA fighter. Not very successful one, he had five matches, I believe. But a former MMA fighter nevertheless,

Sean O'Brien is a teamster from Boston. And, Aleister, I don't know if you know anything about teamsters or Boston, but if you had to bet on a fight, and your choice was a professional MMA fighter or literally any teamster from Boston. You go with the teamster from Boston. You go with the teamster from Boston.

I was driving the outpair tonight to do this and listen to a couple of politics podcasts in the car and I listened to the last bugle and it struck me that actually the bugle was by far the most sensible one because everything else is so utterly bad shit, crazy, that it doesn't make any sense to do anything apart from comedy. I read that exchange, you know Bernie Sanders in the middle banging his gavel while you stand your butt up, you stand your butt up and him, I think Bernie Sanders said, the American public think little enough of us as it is. He's got a point there. So you're suggesting that these kind of exchanges are not high level political discourse,

Malin. I don't like thugs and bullies. O'Brien, I don't like you. Because you've just described yourself zing. And then they went on to say, do not put O'Brien, do not point at me, that's disrespectful. Mullen, I don't care about respecting you at all. O'Brien, I don't respect you at all. I mean, this is, we mentioned Abraham Lincoln earlier on, and the great history of American rhetoric and the other back and forth between politicians

and political figures. I mean, it's hard to see where American political rhetoric can go from here. If you think, if you think, if you think, if you think, if you think, if you think, if you think, if you think, if you think, if you think, if you think, if you think, if you think, if you think, if you think, if you think, if you think, if you think, if you think, if you think, if you think, if you think, if you think, if you think, if you think, if you think, if you think, if you think, if you think, if you think, if you think, if you think, if you think, if you think, if you think, if you think, if you think, if you think, if you think, if you think, if you think, if you think, if you think, if you think, if you think, if you think, if you think, if you think, if you think, if you think, if you think, if you think, if you think, if you think, if you think, if you think, if you think, if you think, if you think, if you think, if you think, if you think, if you think, if you think, if you think, if you think, if you think, if you think, if you think, if you think, if you think, if you think, if you think, if you think, if you think, if you think, if you think, if you think, if you think, if you think, if you think, if you think, if you think, if you think, if you think, if you think, if you think, if you think, if you think, if you think, if you think, if you think, if you think, if you think, do mosthenes did with famously cured its stutter by chewing pebbles, whereas of course American Republicans now famously sort out their squabbles by taking the pebbles out and just chucking them each other across Bernie Sanders. Yeah, I mean, I think, you're probably not far off. The, what I saw in a, in a

local zoo here in London that show you to take my kids when they're about the age of that your kids are now Alistair and I was taking my kids round and a monkey uh, shot on its hand, ate some and then threw it across the cage at another monkey. And that monkey is now a senator for Arizona which I think is important to remember. You have taken part in what's been described as one of the largest acts of Jewish civil disobedience in Bay area history. I'll give it bigger than when Moses turned up with a large number of people saying,

I think we should have gone right rather than left. But so what exactly is this huge act of Jewish disobedience? So, hello Alistair, good to meet you. I'm staying in the streets with the people. I have gathered. The destruction of Gaza has come at great human cost, but none greater than the fact that I lost 3% of my followers on social media. Due to my controversial and provocative stance of being unequivocally against killing children. So that is aligned too far. As a Jew, it was been sobering in recent months to discover that I am in fact anti-semitic.

I have been informed that I am an anti-seite because for using words, apartheid occupation genocide war crime fascist context, anti-signism, colonialism, ceasefire, and morality. I've also been called anti-Semitic for not simultaneously in every utterance about anything. Also saying Israel has a right to exist in defended self, I condemn Hamas in the events of 10-7. Hossages Yemen, Weger, Armenia, Kurds, Darfur, Kony 2012, and Sudan. Apparently, my controversial anti-killing of children views are secretly a dog whistle that I am knowingly doing to Nazis

to invite them to kill me and my family. I have inciting violence against myself because I didn't realize that Jew haters the world over are in their layers waiting for the signal from the obscure left-wing Jewish community in San Francisco to launch their attacks So it's been very weird on my social media. Some people are legitimately upset about about the war and some people have lost the plot. Like, did you know, Andy, that Hamas kills and beheads people?

I'm against killing. I'm not more against beheading. Do you know what I mean? Like, I'm not like, oh, they just bombed everybody to death. At least they weren't beheaded. So, this past Monday night, I was one of 650 Jews who occupied the Oakland Federal Building to demand a ceasefire for many hours. And it was a very Jewish action. Is it an anti-Semitic trope if it's just our personalities? Like the protesters, there was a lot of anxiety, like there was a lot of discussion about how to center ourselves and calm ourselves while people were chanting. There was a lot of anxiety, like there was a lot of discussion about how to center ourselves and calm ourselves while people were chanting

There was Everybody, you know, there was a lot of like did you bring snacks? Of course, Jude planned to bring the enough food to the protest We're gonna be there for a while. Do you have a snack? Do you want something to get you a snack? Do you want us to bring you a snack? Do you have a layer? Are you gonna be cold? Do you have your allergy medication? It was very stereotypical. But I'm optimistic that the Palestinian peace movement

is ultimately gonna be successful because it's the only movement that has a signature scarf. And I think you can't underestimate the power of effective accessories. But the thing that you don't realize about protesting in civil disobedience is that it's fucking boring. One thing you should know is that it's not difficult to overwhelm the police.

If they're about 40 Homeland Security police and 600 protesters. And in other protests, like police overreact with violence and then they say after the fact that they feared for their lives Not this time I can say Infantely that when police are confronted by 600 Jews Singing low Yessigoy dancing the horror. They're not afraid of anything

Unless there's so many snacks that slightly afraid the cholesterol might be in serious danger Yeah, they were afraid of picking up some contact diabetes. Yeah. The cause for a ceasefire have, well, cause massive fractures in the Labour Party here. Labour must be getting jittery at this point with a general election due in the year or so's time, and it does seem completely unloosable. And they're having to try and find ways to make things more difficult for themselves in the traditional Labour Party manner. Eight shadow junior ministers have resigned after refusing to back the party

line on not calling for a ceasefire in Gaza. Kirsta, more wants a humanitarian pause before then unleashing the forces of unhumanitarianism again and so eight shadow of junior ministers have resigned because they want a ceasefire. So it's essentially, I mean, it's a lot to a large extent as we talked about on the people before, a semantic argument about what ceasefire and what pause means. And it does seem a bit disappointing. And the idea you can say it, to your anti-Semitic. In, well, let's talk a bit more about UK politics. Now, Alistair has been a tumultuous week, not just for the opposition, but for the government, home secretary, Suhela Bravenman, mentioned earlier on,

was sacked by interim prime minister Rishi Sunak. She then issued a scathing resignation letter, or departure letter, accusing Rishi Sunak of betrayal. Bravman much fated by the right wing of the Tory party for being consistently even more wrong than all the other Cabinet ministers and doing so, more provocatively and divisively. And she reacted to being far-doll, the restraint diplomacy and sensitivity. We've come to expect from her time in Cabinet, chundering out a furious letter that said in several hundred words what she clearly meant to say to Soonak in four letters, one vowel and three consonants. It's, I mean, the bizarre

thing about Suella Bravenman being fired is not so much her being fired now because she's been fired previously and then reappointed within a week last time. I've lost slightly lost count of the number of times she's been fired. But the fact that she is in politics at all, I mean, something's gone wrong. As it not, Alice. Something's gone horribly wrong. I mean, I particularly like the fact that the Conservatives are meant to be the party of law and order. And she was kicked out, stoked, resigned, stoked, sacked by the least successful Prime Minister in British history. And six days

later, she was back in one of the great offices of state. And you do think, I thought the punishment should fit the crime. I thought that was one of your sort of shit. But no, no, let her back in six days later. I mean, she is astonishing having achieved, I don't know if Nita you're aware of the previous incumbent of the role, pretty Patel, who I was under the impression was the most evil woman on the planet, and Suella literally was like, hold my laughter. And it's a piece, with what we were saying about the cage fighting Americans, that we're now purely in the realms of fantasy. And Suella Braverman, I mean the lifestyle choices thing, she is a populist who seems also

to have massively overestimated her own popularity. I'm a populist. Is the term I think that should be used for most things? And there's that kind of widget, she's just saying what people are thinking. And you think, God, if this is really what people are thinking, I don't want to live on this planet anymore. It's absolutely a bit horrent.

Well, she said in this resignation letter, she said, I may not have always found the right words, that is a little bit of self-knowledge in a way, but I've always driven to give voice to the quiet majority that supported us in 2019. Well, a couple of things to pick up there in the two word term, quiet majority. But the kind of people that Suella Bravenman speaks for are the least quiet people in the cut they generally scream often from within a weekly newspaper column. And also it's not a majority, I mean in that 2019 election 14 million people voted for

Boris Johnson's Conservatives which is a lot of votes by historic standards in a British election but not a majority it was 43% of people who voted 30% of people who could have voted and around about 20% of all people in the country. So I mean that's classic bravaman for me to use two words and for them both to be fundamentally wrong. Absolutely wrong that the quiet majority is in fact the hysterical minority. It is literally you have to think the opposite. I mean, the whole thing about this Rwander scheme is that they were told that it was against all, but it's not just, oh, you can't do this, it's against all our international obligations.

And now they've got this idea that they're going to rewrite a treaty that's going to change it. They knew years ago that this wasn't gonna work, it wasn't Bravaman's policy, it wasn't Sunax policy, yet they nailed their colors to this, particularly unpleasant mask.

In order to, and this is the thing that really gets you, in order to, and this is the thing that really gets you, in order to shift 200 migrants, this is not a serious policy on any level apart from it within the pages of the Daily Mail, you know, hysterical minority area, but what I did know, so I don't know if you saw it today, Andy, in the telegraph, the, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that that Suveta Braverman has introduced a five point plan to get the Rwanda deal over the line. And you do think if only she'd recently been occupying one of the great old-fashioned states that have given her the power to achieve that.

Upon search threads, Alice. Can I ask a question? Yeah. So I'm trying to brush up on what's happening here. And am I understanding correctly that what has been called the Rwanda scheme was a plan to deport migrants away from the UK to us location most known for genocide

and they're surprised that that was determined to have humanitarian problems. Do I miss something? No, well, I mean, there's a couple of things. That's pretty much it. You could have added a couple of things to it. Basically, these are people that we say we don't have room and space and capacity for them.

We're sending them to a country that is more densely populated and considerably less well off than the United Kingdom. So you can throw that in. The Supreme Court rejected the policy this week as unlawful, which is a kind of legal term. They could have gone with unhinged, unenforceable, unjustifiable, unaffordable, and unfathomable,

the five use of modern conservative party policy making. But what's most frustrating, as you say, it's the time, money and effort splarged on this policy, could, if I've done my calculations right, have paid for and produced any number of alternative solutions to the global migration crisis. Now, as I've said before, we in Britain have to take the global migration crisis particularly seriously because of all global refugees and other asylum

migrants, approximately 99.94% end up here in Britain, if you only count the ones who end up here in Britain. So, I mean, it does affect us disproportionately to all other countries. So, but the amount of money they've spent on this row under policy, they could have built spring-loaded rebound cliffs to replace the white cliffs of Dover to then just twang people back in the direction from once they came. They could have spent it on a giant space hologram of Suella Bravaman, saying the words, are you sure you want to move here? We could have built a moat to go with our current moat,

or we could have installed giant space magnets that detect people with an insufficient level of inherent potential Britishness, splurps them up and plunk them somewhere in foreignania, or the rest of the world is also known. Or we could have just hired more sharks, bigger ones, like the ones we used to have to defend our shores until we joined the EU. And they made us replace the sharks with baguettes, which got very soggy very quickly. So, I mean, so much time and effort and money has been wasted on this obviously unneeded, the wrong solution to a, clearly, a massive, intractable global crisis.

And we, it drives me mad that the narrowness of the way that our politics approach is. It's happening all over for an ania, and that is a word that I am going to be taking from this podcast and enjoying tremendously to basically signify anything outside the coast of Britain is for an ania, although I think Wales and Scotland should probably be included, and certainly parts of Cornwall. But I think that you're absolutely right, it, we come back to the absolute post-post truth. It's so patently a ridiculous... I mean, they could have genuinely...

I mean, the jokes that you provide there aren't the absolute... They genuinely could have provided a luxury hotel built for each asylum seeker they're planning to send for the money they've spent. 140 million and they haven't sent a single asylum seeker they're planning to send for the money they spent 140 million and they haven't sent a single asylum seeker. And I do think it's quite, the rationale behind the Rwanda scheme is apparently that the idea of being deported to Rwanda would be enough to make people too scared to travel to Britain so it was a deterrent. And yet at the same time, they were keen to insist that Rwanda was a simply delightful place

to be deported to, and frankly, the holiday destination of choice for anyone with any taste. And those two things cannot sit in the same mind, especially as NATO says, if you say to 99% of the world, Rwanda, word association, Rwanda, was the first thing genocide? So it's not really somewhere that you want to go to, either by choice or deportation.

As a result of Bravman being sacked, there was a cabinet reshuffle. And I never thought I'd say these words, but David Cameron is back in fucking cabinet. And I think fucking cabinet is now how it is officially known after what's happened in recent years. Now it's been described as one of the great political comebacks. Now I really want to pick up on this use of the comeback. Now come back is someone who's worked their way back from retirement or obscurity. They've earned

their place back through achievement or re-honed their skills to enable another shot at success. In David Cameron's case, what he did to earn his comeback was sit around doing absolutely f*** call apart from some chunky lobbying, some corporate free loading and just sitting back and watching the chaos he bequeathed the nation unfold. And now he is, this is not a comeback. I read that he was in a shed, Andy. Yes, very much like me. Yeah. I mean, basically, I mean, since he jumped into the first lifeboat after ramming RMS Brexit, and it snouted first into that iceberg,

it's basically, I mean, he hasn't been very invisible in public life. And this is the weird thing about it. I can't understand, but Rishi Sunat's logic thinking, oh, I tell you what we need to get those wavering voters back, is David fucking Cameron. I mean, what voter is gonna think, oh, Cameron's back, that changes everything.

The thing with Cameron is, he left office, massively unpopular with people who were against Brexit and massively unpopular with people who were in favour of Brexit. And also he's not an MP because he, as I said, flounce that of politics both wrongly because he had a duty to sort out his own mess and rightly because we needed to be rid of him, a kind of shroding a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a,

a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a,

a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a,

a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a,

a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a,

a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a nationally formidable service of a couple years saying yes, boss to an ego maniac. And for our special competition this week, Bueglis, you need to explain why that is a just sensible and democratic system without using the words absolute fucking travesty, putrid parody of a political system,

or I thought we fought three fucking world wars to save our democracy two hot, one cold. I do send your answers in on the nearest available pigeon. The New York Times Sports and the non-existence of God news now and two things I'm really into, to be honest. The American Football legend Megan Uropino's retiring as facing, has been criticized after getting injured in her final match. She had to leave the field after six minutes after injuring her Achilles and said afterwards that this was proof that God does not exist.

Now, this is, I mean, this is a fascinating story because I mean, it gets to the very heart of what it is to be alive. A, because sport is the greatest thing humans have ever invented and b because ever since that famous day in what was it 4,000 and 4 BC when Adam found himself unexpectedly existing and said who am I what year is it and how do I get here and an opportunistic bearded guy and a cloud said hey but I just made you and do mind those dangly bits I probably should have pop money inside for both logistical and aesthetic reasons. Ever since then, people have been searching for proof

of the existence or non-existence of God and all God's. Thus far, the most conclusive proof often in favor of God's existence is the number of athletes who thank God when they win, minus the number of athletes who blame God when they lose. Suggestion that God A exists, be like sport and see really hates losing. The main proof that God does not exist on the other hand includes pretty much everything that's ever happened in history, dementia, wasps, and the results of the 1954 and 1974 football World Cup finals. And indeed football may now have provided that clinching evidence that could see bishops, imams and rabbis and other priests from all the different

religions just quitting their posts in droves because in the final match of a phenomenal career, Rapinah was forced off by an Achilles injury, as I said in the first few minutes, not quite such a serious Achilles injury as Achilles himself suffered in the famous trovers as Grecionite had matched back in the mythical day, but serious enough, a Rapinah, one of their most influential sports people of her time to cite the injury as the final nail in the pumpkin of theistic belief. Pears Morgan, whose career many prominent theologians have claimed also is incontroversible evidence that we live in a godless universe, claimed that her injury was in fact proof that

God does exist and accused Rapinoe of brace yourselves are any being arrogant, self-promoting, pre-Madonna. So we're still waiting for verdicts from the world's religious leaders on whether Rapinoe's injury is or isn't proof of God's existence, or indeed of God's misogyny and homophobia, of which to be fair, there's a witty body of historical evidence or merely God's opposition to unnatural hair colors. What did you guys make of it? I don't know if you know where you stand on whether or not God exists.

But I mean, if he was to, you know, to prove his existence or otherwise, and he could be in deep cover and trying to make people think he doesn't exist by injuring Megan Rapinoe, is this the way that he'd do it? You have to say in this situation, it does seem that she was joking.

Oh, yeah. And there has been a phenomenal sense of homophilia from everyone who would have thought Pears Morgan would grab the wrong end of the stick just to make some sort of controversy. And she did, she snapped her Achilles. And of course, this being the world of absolute literal response where tone is missing

from Eddie Reported, she has in fact denied the existence of a theistic universe. And I'm not quite sure what she did. I think she was just a bit pissed out. Well, you say that, Alistair, but this is 2023. It's one of our fundamental human rights enshrined in the 21st century social media convention that has replaced all other previous form guidelines for how humans should behave. We can take everything that some people say completely, literally, whilst excusing everything that other people say on the grounds that they didn't really mean it, depending on whether or not we agree with them. So that's the world we live in.

And that is proof that God is this. That brings us to the end of this week's Bugle. Thank you very much for listening. It's Plugs Time. Alistair, you've got a show coming up in London. I have. I'm on tour at the moment with my show Woke in Progress, entitled Woke in Progress, specifically to annoy my mother, to be honest. But I've been on tour for a little while, it goes on into December. But the big date coming up is November the 28th at the comedy store. And sales are looking good, but it's quite a big venue. And so I still have plenty of tickets left to sell tickets for 28th November at the comedy store at www.alistabary.com. NATO, plug away. Well, bugleers, if you're in San Francisco and this comes out on Saturday night, I'm at

the San Francisco punchline. In January, I have a few shows for SF Sketchfest, a political stand-up show and a live podcast of the BITUATION room and then in February I'll be on tour in Portland, Oregon, within a way date. Check me out there. Very important dates to alert you to bugle us. We are on tour next year in March, various places around the United Kingdom. Chris, have you got the list of, I haven't got the list in front of me. Oh, and the listeners can go to thebugalpodcast.com forward slash live and see for their

f***ing selves. Alright, there. We'll just leave it at that. Also, if you want to help keep this show free flourishing and independent, do join the Bugle voluntary subscription scheme. Details on the Bugle website, and if you join as a premium level voluntary subscriber, you will get exclusive subscriber only access to the new monthly Ask Andy show when I answer all or some of your questions.

Until next week, goodbye.