The Bugle - UPDATE: America is still f---ing mad

Episode Date: February 7, 2024

Recording together in Andy's shed surrounded by cricket memorabilia, are Nish Kumar and Chris Addison. On this week's episode:Trump vs Swift: a 'powder keg of stupidity'Super Bowl LVIII conspiracy theoriesJoe Biden calling Benjamin Netanyau a 'bad f---ing guy'Tucker Carlson meeting Vladimir PutinRishi Sunak's Rwanda policy bet with Piers MorganLiz Truss launching PopConSend thoughts and questions for Andy at [e-mail]. Click follow to make sure you get every episode and please drop us a nice review or rating wherever you choose.PLUS: Become the owner of an exclusive episode of The Bugle, on 12 inch vinyl! It's your last chance to get your name on the artwork. Become a premium member NOW! https://www.thebuglepodcast.com/donateThis episode was presented and written by:Andy ZaltzmanChris AddisonNish KumarAnd produced by Ped Hunter, Chris Skinner and Laura Turner Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello buglers and welcome to issue 4,290 of The Bugle, the show that has chronicled all of history, apart from the first 13 billion years or so. I am Andy Zoltzman and full disclosure after the shock revelation last week that I have now in my life been to a punk gig, I should try to restore cosmic order to the bugle verse by emphasizing that I have never ridden in a Hell's Angels rally, attended a dogfight, participated in an exorcism, not an official one anyway, eaten a pelican, performed a tracheotomy, used a pogo stick, not proud of that, paid nuns to do a motorcycle pyramid or built a bloody glue. Those are things that are still on my bucket list, but I haven't

done them yet. Joining me today, right here, right now, or right there, right then, unless you're here in my shed, at this very second that we're recording, which I'm willing to bet that you are, in all six glorious dimensions, Nish Kumar and Chris Addison. Welcome, welcome to the shed. Thanks, Andy. What a place to be, finally in the shed. Is it all your expectations?

I've never been in the shed. No, me neither. I've seen it so often on a Zoom. And the first thing I said that Chris said I was about to say that is that it's like being inside your mind. I'm looking directly for the benefit of listeners at a DVD that just says Cricket in the 70s. I'm looking at something that appears to be a video of Cricket in the 1970s on a now obsolete format. It could not be more Andy Saltsman.

There's a lot of cricket bats here and a picture of Muddy Waters. But what we don't see is somewhere there must be, and I'm guessing possibly in this final cabinet, a crippling sense of shame. There's so many cricket bats! But the thing is some of them are in order. That's what feels unlike me. That's only the worst of them. They have numbers on them. Everything else is chaos. There's so many cricket bats. It is absolutely incredible. It'd be great if you ever actually needed to have therapy. Instead of you could do such a shortcut you just bring your therapist and they go have a look at what I've done today. It's thrilling to be here. I've actually just come fresh from football and I've never bugled

this close to football. I've certainly never bugled this close to having any exercise so I'm worried that the sort of extra oxygen in my blood that's flowing around my body is gonna make me even angrier. Right, okay. So I mean, Lennox Lewis used to do that. He used to do chest boxing, didn't he? So he'd do a round of boxing and then play chess in the fight.

Fight a black guy on one square and then a white guy on another. And then work his way around. I can't remember that from it. I'd have to check it back over the stats of his career for that. Yeah, well, I hope you managed to soldier through this hugely important recording,

a lot of very important things happening in the world. We are recording on the 6th of February, 2024, just as the surprising news that King Charles has died would have reached people on this day in 1685. Charles II, the party king, Chucky Tutu as he likes to be known, popped his remorselessly fornicatory clogs on the 6th of February 1685. Some of the obstacles are taking effect on... It's straight in! Can you get cancelled by association? That's just a fact, just a pure fact.

He died, Charles II, 6th of February 1685, at which point an estimated 17% of the British population were his out of wedlock children. On this day, in 1918, the representation of the People Act was passed, allowing women to vote. I think this political correctness has gone mad. Only women over the age of 30 provided them at minimum property owning qualifications at the time. This followed 17 years after the death of Queen Victoria, who according to legend didn't

believe that women existed. The increasing weight of evidence that they either definitely or probably did resulted in the 1918 Representation of the People Act. And despite many people's concerns that if women were allowed to vote vote then up to 35% of babies would be born as potatoes, men would be forced to wear clogs or that cheese would become sentient to poisonous and or contagious especially at weekends the acts was passed. Things luckily haven't panned out quite like that and now we've reached the utopian ideal where female politicians have proved themselves to have the capacity

to be just as absolutely useless as men. we'll touch a little bit on that from a British perspective later in this show. On the 7th of February, the US State of Mississippi officially certified the 13th amendment approving the abolition of slavery in the year. Any guesses? 1978. Good guess. Is it going to be something even worse like 2002? It's even worse than that. It's 2013. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Is there a more telling anecdote about what America is than they had an African-American president and one of the states had failed to ratify the amendment abolishing slavery?

Is there a more telling anecdote about where America finds itself? Well, actually, we might have one. Oh, yeah, sorry. I'm going to lie up. But before that, as always, a section of the bugle is going straight in the bin. This week, well, we have a free giveaway for you because the increasingly liberal government in this country is set to ban disposable vapes, thus denying British children

the God-given right to spread cherry-cold scented clouds and leave to triters that takes thousands of years to biodegrade a right that our ancestors fought all manner of wars for. I just think it's a bit sad that my great-great-uncle Neville lost his life in France during the First World War and yet my kids will be denied the simple job of filling their lungs with an addictive, if frugally flavoured, fume-based substance with as yet unknown health implications before tossing away the remnants. This slowly decays a metaphor for the failures of untrammeled consumers.

My great-great-uncleuncle wasn't actually fighting in France when he died during the First World War. He was on extended holiday in Saint-Tropez and the heart attack was to have a brothel window to escape a debt collector who also happened to be his wife, besides which he's fictional, and that didn't happen. But the point stands, he could have existed, he could have fought in that war.

There's so many things that are that young children have been deprived of, simple joys. Yeah, many of them don't even know what the inside of a chimney looks like. Oh no, it's you know, traveling at breakneck speeds along country roads in the backseat of a car with no seatbelt and another drunken drunken parent driver. The warm glow of that hard-earned chilling after, you know, a 14-hour day up that chimney or the visceral thrill of taking down a Christian in front of a 70,000 strong crowd in the Coliseum while wearing a Panzermann line outfit. Even listening to Test Match Special live from India. All those joys. Sadly gone.

But to make it up to our British listeners, free with this week's bugle, you can get your choice of our two free audio vapes. Simply hang a speaker around your neck and play this snippet of sound as you walk down the streets to generate the same effect as vaping. Vape A. Watermelon or is it bubblegum or maybe a little bit of moat? And vape B. Menthol but I'm not ill. What is menthol and why? At those are your two audio vapes do use them responsibly in the bin. Those are your two audio vapes, do use them responsibly in the bin. Top story this week, America is still f***ing mad. Evergreen headlines.

It's election year as exclusively revealed on the bugle over recent weeks in America and indeed in many other places, India, but almost certainly the United Kingdom. But the phrase, a powder keg of stupidity could refer to so many things in American politics and people. Well, it was your wrestling that was lost. So I don't know why they've nicked that from you first of all. Well, I'm very influential. I would list all the things that could be described in American politics as a powder cake of stupidity, but I'm nearly 50 years old,

and I don't think that realistically, I've got time to do it justice. But when a senior figure in the Republican party is, A, calling something a powder cake of stupidity, and B, not meaning that to be a good thing, you know that something especially a lunaticular is going on even by the bat-shit-headed standards of Trumpic America. And what we've had has been reports that Trump supporters have

apparently pledged that they will wage quotes, holy war against Taylor Swift, the multi-war winning singer and Kansas City Chiefs head coach. There appears to be an assumption that there is a conspiracy involving Swift to basically steal yet another election from Nish. I know you're a died in the wall, Swiftie. I'm one of the great Swifties. I've got my Euras Tour back tattoo locked and loaded for when she gets here next year.

It gets here to the shed. Yes, it is interesting. She's playing stadiums across the country, but she is playing the shed as a warm-up gig. That's acoustic. Just Andy and Taylor Swift. I said she could look at my signed cricket bats. We know she likes sports. Yeah, exactly. So she's dating... Now, how do you pronounce this man's surname is it Kelsey? Travis

Kelsey. Travis Kelsey right so she's now being accused of... It's Tray Vice Kelsey. She's dating Tray Vice Kelsey so she is now being accused by prominent Trump supporting Republicans of being an op or a psi-op engineered by the deep state in order to benefit Joe Biden. I'm reading these words from the New York Times. Okay, so she is in a relationship with Travis Kelsey and he plays for the Kansas City Chiefs. He's the star tight end, which is amazingly a position in American football and also pornography. And so there's a right-wing conspiracy that the Kansas City Chiefs have been given a free pass to the Super Bowl so that Taylor Swift can be pictured in the stands at the Super Bowl.

And because of that, people will vote for Joe Biden. Is that, am I summarizing that correctly? No, that is the absolutely correct summary. And I'll tell you what, I think we can all agree. If there's one organisation that is going to favour progressive politics, it is the National Football League. It is the organisation that punished Colin Kaepernick, not for protesting the national anthem, but for not protesting it hard enough. They wanted Kaepernick down on both knees. The fact that he was taking one knee was not enough for them. And it's an organisation that has hosted such progressive franchises as the New England plan rives and the Minnesota white men of the best. England plan rives and the Minnesota white men are the best. Reince Priebus, have I pronounced that right? Reince Priebus, former Republican National Committee chair, if indeed he exists. Reince Priebus is a legal tenet.

He said that he thinks the Republicans are pursuing a questionable strategy by attacking Taylor Swift and the NFL. And he was the one that said that it is a pelt of cake of stupidity. He said, I think we ought to have a few things in America that we can agree on. And those are two things. So I mean, is that, I mean, is that for a start? Are those the only two things America can hope to agree on? And even if that is the case, should Taylor Swift be, I mean, should that, for a start, are those the only two things America can hope to agree on? And even if that is the case, should America have to be of one mind about the multi-grammy

award hoarding pop troubadour? Horde? Are dissenting views on the Pennsylvania-born shake it off star no longer acceptable in the so-called land of the free? Chris? Listen, I've got to put my hands up here to say that I am not completely impartial on the whole Trump versus Swifting. On the one hand, I increasingly feel there's something a little bit off about Trump.

And I know that I absolutely, I genuinely love Swift. I love to shake it off. I'm a huge fan of Lover, that's a great album. I adored Gulliver's Travels. Lemuel Gulliver. There aren't enough people called Lemuel these days. There should be more Lemuel. There must be some in the NFL, they've got... Yeah, for sure. Well, there are a few of them you think, because the difficulties, the minute you've managed to get

to assemble a decent number of Lemuels, they'll panic and run off a cliff. Anyway, Travis Kelsey is as niche as the tight end. The tight end for the Kansas City Chiefs. I do love that that is a position. I've seen that guy in his Game Day leggings, and let me tell you, as Nish says the tight end. The tight end for the Kansas City Chiefs. I do love that that is a position. I've seen that guy in his game day leggings and let me tell you, it is not a misnomer. Other positions in American football include wide on, low sack and deep back hole, presumably. Anyway, but look, it strikes me that conspiracy theories

are just the standard is dropping. Back in the day it was the Illuminati and global elites, people were convinced that the moon landings were faked, but the NFL are throwing games to get Biden elected. It just feels a bit low-brow, you know. Only a couple of notches above Greg Wallace is using TikTok to try and shift the odds on who's going home this week on Dancing on Ice. So in an attempt to rectify this situation and with one eye on merch opportunities, I've constructed a random conspiracy theory general exercise so that would-be conspiracists and lonely men sitting in their basements on jizz-encrusted cushions can once again get behind some proper gold-plated batch shittery. So it's quite a simple system. You spin each of these three wheels

once. The first determines what is being affected, the second determines how it is being affected, and the third determines who is doing the effect. So let's have a go. All right, so spin the first wheel. Unidentified flying objects. Spin the second. Are being chemically castrated by...

Spin the bird! The Jews. Let's have another go. Spin one. White history. Spin two. Was constructed in a lab by... And number three. The Jews. One, let's go.

Spin one. JFK. Classic. Two... is spread in chemtrails by three... The Jews. It is always the Jews for conspiracy theories. They're basically like creative writing projects by anti-Semites.

The third wheel in this system is just a disc with the Jews written all around. It's like the dartboard at Jeremy Corbyn's house. Anyway, you can buy that from the Bugle shop. When it is a genuine concern, but as you say, the standard of conspiracy theories is going to add a time when they're more and more popular. I guess it's like anything, if you spread it too wide, the standard go. Because it used to be that from the Republican point of view, pizza delivery-based mass child abuse conspiracy, there's a bit of imagination and creativity

that's gone into making that shit up. Yeah, but you know what it doesn't have? A celebrity endorsement. The presence of Taylor Swift is designed to bump these conspiracy theories up and also it does sort of weirdly fit in quite an odd tradition of American conspiracy theories because in the 60s there was an American conspiracy that the Beatles were a way of smuggling, they were spreading pro-drug messages in their songs for an international drug cartel headed up by the Queen of England. That was a genuine conspiracy theory in the 1960s.

And we still, I mean, obviously that's, you know, that operation was still covered by the official secret. I think it's 75 years off from death of the Queen. So, we probably won't know for sure one way or the other in our lifetimes. And there was that time that John Lennon was murdered by the Colombian drugs guy. He was the White Escobar. So as you say, the reason that this conspiracy has emerged is essentially because of this of Taylor Swift's nascent romantic romance with Travis Kelsey. For whatever reason, Swift has

neglected to have a relationship instead with any leading figures in the Republican Party to quell such speculation. She could have easily had a relationship with Mr. Trump, with Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell, with the ousted speaker Kevin McCarthy, or even with the late president Rutherford B. Hayes, whose campaign slogan, Oh, Behaze Yourself, proved so effective in the 1876 election. And nor has he endorsed the Republicans. I don't know why, perhaps because she doesn't think supporting their rapist insurrectionist conman for the president would hit particularly well with her fan base. We just don't know. I'm not going to prejudge. New York Times report said that the Biden team is even perhaps angling for an official endorsement

from the singer who did not write either Gimme Shelter or Beethoven's Ninth, but nonetheless has been extremely successful. And also another fear seems to be that swift might and strapping for the ultimate nefarious conspiracy encourage people to vote. Yeah. Which, you know, encouraging young people to vote, that goes against pretty much everything the American political system is.

Yes, it does tell you something about the Republican party's current predicament, entirely self-induced current predicament, that the worst thing that could possibly happen is if young people vote it. That is the, it's the predicament, actually self-induced current predicament, that the worst thing that could possibly happen is if young people voted. That is the predicament, actually, the Conservative Party here and the Republican Party in America is the one thing that they have to do is make sure that as many young people as possible get nowhere near the polls later on this year. The Conservative Party here extended the vote to expats this week, which is an absolute

guaranteed way of getting old gits. But there's this news breaking that they're proposing extending it to the dead. The grateful dead or the dead in general, just the dead people provided over a certain amount of wealth when they died. So Vivek Ramaswamy, here we go, former presidential candidate who has openly admitted that he is a total and irredeemable, sorry I misread that, has thrown his support behind Donald Trump, my mistake, conspira theorised, I wonder who's going to win the Super Bowl and I wonder if

there is a major presidential endorsement coming from an artificially, culturally propped up couple this fall. So I mean that, I don't know where you start unpicking that. Let's be quite clear about Ramaswamy. So he had a presidential candidacy. It's been abandoned due to lack of interest. He's now positioning himself to try and be Trump's running mate. The problem with Vivek Ramaswamy is they are going to have to examine some of the laws about who is allowed to run for office, because he's not actually a human being. He's a horses colon and anus that was surgically removed and brought to life by a witch's curse. Tragically, the witch was interrupted mid-process,

so Rama Swamy has the body and face of a man, but instead of a brain has the colon of a horse, and as such is cursed to spew horseshit for the rest of his living days. So they are going to have to examine some of the rules around who's allowed to run for office. And he is another... And listen... They're not a president though, because I think James Buchanan was the president of Soltan with a Buchanan burn! Take that! It's another... The continued political career of Vivek Ramaswamy is another blank. It's just another example of the conservative Indians who are ruining politics. You know, in America, in Britain, Ramaswamy, Rishi Sunak, let's not forget the original Indian conservative, Narendra Modi, the old reverse reverse Santa. The whole thing is making me as a Hindu

Indian embarrassed to enter rooms. I'm entering sort of bent over apologizing. Nish, there are lots of reasons you should be embarrassed to enter rooms. That's not one of them. I've realized that I'm conducting myself the way white people should have been for the last 2000 years. We've been the bad guys for five minutes and we're all hunched over in shame. You guys striding into rooms with your back straight saying another day of doing things people will always think are cool. But I mean to be fair, I guess, you know, when he says I wonder who's going to win the Super Bowl, it is a pretty hard game to call. I mean, obviously the Kansas City Chiefs are

their huge big game experience in recent years, two Super Bowl victories, the coaching ingenuity of Andy Reid and their quarterback, Wizard Patrick Mahomes. The 49ers with their potent and varied running game and the confidence of having scraped through two gripping matches in the playoffs to make it to the Super Bowl. You can see why he's finding it hard. But you have to remember,

the 49ers are up against the combined strength of the deep state. Yeah, the ands of course. I'm fascinated to know how that would manifest itself. And of course Taylor Swift, fresh from all those victories in the Grammys. So my prediction is Kansas to sneak it by 141 points to zero. Swift running in for 17 of Kansas is 20 touchdowns and the frankly showboating two point conversion at the end of the first half. That's my prediction. That's my prediction. Vivek, if you're listening, click the money on.

In other American news, the current president, Joe Biden, took some time out from buttering up... Current president had time of recording. Took some time out from buttering up the world's leading pop stars to endorse his presidential campaign to call Benjamin Netanyahu a bad guy according to... The original BSG! According to reports. I mean, that's... yeah, that's big talk from a present. It's big talk. It's, I mean, I'd say, say what you will about Biden. Like a stock clock, he is right twice a day and f***ing old. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha essentially change the judicial system in Israel to make it legal for B Netanyahus to commit any and all crimes that they wish to commit.

Well he's basically trying to make it legal to be a bad f***ing guy. Yeah, yeah. That's what that's all about, isn't it? And you know, he's conducting a bombing campaign and a military campaign in Gaza that is, listen, I think if you are taken to the international court of human rights and the evidence presented against you is things your own ministers have said, that's not a great look. That's not even a particularly good look. The interesting thing about Netanyahu is that he's consistently presented by leaders like Rishi Sunak and Joe Biden in public at least as being someone

that they're trying to do business with and resolve the two-state solution peacefully. But Benjamin Netanyahu has been quite clear he has no interest in peace or a two-state solution and at this point everyone is trying to get Garfield to run on a pro-Mondays platform. Like it's very clear he doesn't want any of this to happen. Listen I don't mean to be controversial but I think we should stop electing knobbeds. We've given it a good go with those guys, your Netanyahu's, your Orban's, your Trumps, your Johnson's. The knobbeds have had a proper crack at this,

and they're just not coming up with what we need. I'm not starry-eyed about the whole thing. I know we're not likely to vote in any actual humans. What are we, Scandinavian? Come on. But at this stage, I think just any kind of change. Do the dickweeds want to go? Sure, why not?

The arse wipes, let's let a couple of those guys in for a bit. I would take anything up to and including creepy douchebags right now. I draw the line at treacherous shit weasels, but on the other hand, never say never, the knob-heads have got to go. There's your new t-shirt. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha They were beaten by Taylor Swift in the end of the year. They threw it. They threw it. Wasn't that the original name of the 49ers?

The thing is, it's a weird sort of confected diplomatic row, isn't it? And Biden, of course, has denied that he's said it. And I think he's in the fortunate position to be a member of the team.

And he's a member of the team. He's a member sort of confected diplomatic row, isn't it? And Biden, of course, has denied that he's said it. And I think he's in the fortunate position of being pretty much the only politician in the world who when he says, I have no memory of that. Who will be? Yeah. Yeah. Probably haven't.

What I will say is I was trying to quickly Google to make sure that I found the exact correct wording that his spokesperson used. What I would say is if you're looking for these comments, try and Google in Biden Netanyahu, don't Google bad f***ing guy, as I have just done because it has... On Andy's Wi-Fi. On Andy's Wi-Fi! It went to pornography alarmingly quickly. Oh man. I was once... Very much like Renaissance art.

David. I was once the focus of some of Biden's attempts at diplomacy. Oh what? When... So I met Joe Biden. Oh no, Chris, it wasn't a real... That was a TV show! No, I know.

So in making that TV show we made a little film for the White House Correspondence Dinner in like 2015, something like that. And it involved filming Julia Louis-Dreyfus as the Veep in Veep, along with the then Vice President, Joe Biden, mucking about together. So there was a point where we basically we sat in his official residence the naval observatory whilst we waited for it to go dark so we could film this this scene and he very sweetly sort of came and sat with us and and tried to kind of chat and entertain us he by the way did not like me at all but he um so and he said um, I got something that you'd like.

And he went off and he got an enormous binder of his mother's poetry. What? Yeah. And his mother, his mother was Irish and hated, hated the English to the point he told us where, once she stayed in a hotel where she was told that the bed had been slept in by the queen, and so she slept on the floor.

She wasn't having it. And he read us this poetry. This poetry was all smashing the English, making their blood run. Are you sure that wasn't the American National Anthem? It was the English National Anthem, not that one, Scots. But yeah, and he read all of this and then said, what do you think of that? And that is Joe Biden's diplomacy. It was extraordinary.

Yeah, so for all of the denials that the White House has been putting out, it really sounds absolutely in character. Yeah, 100%. Wasn't he once caught on camera describing the passage of a barbacaire and the Affordable Care Act as a being a big f***ing deal? He's like, oh, he's just like big f***ing things. Affordable Care Act as a being a big thing.

He just likes big things. Or maybe just like big. Another one of the great American states people, Tucker Carlson. Yeah. Doing his bit to bring about a global peace. By going to Russia, which he says is doing very well. Yeah. I mean, when Tucker Carson is being

deployed to Moscow, just I think that's, I mean, that's, that's a very bold claim that he's been deployed. It's very much a self deployment. I don't think he's there on State Department business. Tucker, yes, okay. Unless they're actively trying to leak stuff to the Russian government, I'm not sure you'd give Tucker Carlson anything to go to Moscow with. I mean, where do we go from here as a species? If, you know, we've got Tucker Carlson meeting Vladimir Putin, is, I mean, are we just done? Well, this is the proposed thing, isn't it? They've said that there's a rumor that he's in Moscow,

and he's posting pictures on social media himself in Moscow and he's saying that everything's going well in Russia and the rumor is that he's going to have a sit down with Vladimir Putin, which I imagine is going to be two people with, I'm just going to say it, the energy of a pair of absolute sex pests. Like I can't prove anything, I'm just talking about the vibe and the vibe is the frost Nixon of sex pest Tucker Carlson and Vladimir Putin. It's it's an astonishingly molesty vibe that they share Yeah, the man who's uh, the man whose name sounds like what a police chief in a tv show shouts when he's choosing two minor characters for a job TV show shouts when he's choosing two minor characters for a job. Tucker Carlson! You're on stake out!

The man who looks like the coach in a Nigel Farage-produced reboot of Friday Night Lights. The man who looks like what happens when Brooks Brothers build a branch on an old Native American burial ground is upsetting snowflakes, libtards, crybabies and anyone with a shred of actual decency again. To be fair to Tucker Carlson, I doubt he wanted to go to Moscow at all. Somebody probably just said his name three times and he appeared. But the only real difference between Tucker Carlson and the Candyman is that when the Candyman appears after he says his name he doesn't then hit you with the

travel expenses. My main complaint against the longtime anti-LGBTQ plus campaigner and admirer of strongman political leaders who dress as like he's at a New England boarding school, is that visiting Moscow and then going to the ballet just feels a little bit on the nose. If ever there was a man who needed to get laid, it's him. And by laid, I do mean, fellated by a truck around the back of a harvester. I've always thought of him as basically a grifter, so when he set up a $72 a year streaming service in December, I assumed it was just another scam. But actually, I've had a look. There's quite a lot streaming service in December. I assumed it was just another scam but actually I've had a look. There's quite a lot of stuff on there. There are TV shows including The Traders, Last of the Summer, Wine, Wine, Wine, I May Destroy Democracy, Only Morons in the Building,

Curb Your Immigration and It's Always Sunny in the Interment Camp. There are also films including One Angry Man, The Bad and the Ugly, Psycho, Inglourious Bastard, Schindler's List 2, The Reich Strikes Back and Apocalypse Now Please. He's definitely got the vibe of someone who's going to watch some of interest and go, I just was happy for the family. I was happy for the family and the career achievements of the guy. The property prices were remarkably low for the area. It's a good part of Poland. Gambling news now and please gamble responsibly, obviously.

The Prime Minister, Rishi Sunak, has been slammed. Did you just make yourself laugh by remembering it was Prime Minister? It really felt like an involuntary reaction as your body reacted to the phrase, Prime Minister Richie Soonak, as it came out of your own mouth. This still doesn't seem happy, right? Can't be wrong.

Can't be right. I mean, it's not as wrong as some others. Yeah. It has been criticized for essentially accepting a bet from Piers Morgan of £1,000 that he will fire an asylum seeker from a catapult or maybe send him in a plane to Rwanda by the time of the election. Piers Morgan basically bets him, Sunak, then shook his hand. So the bet is complete, essentially, under the laws of gambling, unless a duel happens.

I can't remember. And he's been being criticized, being out of touch for betting on the Rwanda. He said he was taken by surprise. Now, this is an interview with Piers Morgan. He's, Rishi Sunak, he's's quite young isn't he, but he's still over 40. If you're being interviewed by Piers Morgan and you're taken by surprise by him doing or saying something a bit grandstandy and provocative in highly questionable taste, you do not have the judgement skills to be Prime Minister. That he's let himself...

That's like being surprised when a bird shits on your car windscreen. I had no idea they would do such a thing. It's not great quality to say the Prime Minister will be fine as long as no one surprises him. Someone jumps out and shouts boo, he might nuke Scotland. He said in the interview, he's not a betting person. There's a couple of things about this. Is this the same Rishi Shunak who before he went into politics worked in investment banking and then hedge funds?

That is as much of a betting person as you can possibly get. And the same Rishi Shunak who supported Brexit, the biggest blind f***ing punt in British political and economic history. But to me, him claiming not to be a betting person just based on that was like Hugh Hefner looking at Canova's The Three Graces and responding, not my thing, I'm not really into nude women. But then people have posted a clip from an interview he did on Test Match Special, the BBC's critic commentary. Declares some interest! Of which I am upon. And I was there the

day he was interviewed at Lord's. It was last summer and we had a big interview during the lunch break and I absented myself from my chair whilst the interview happened. But he said during that interview that he was quite into spread betting when he was working. So when he says he's not a betting person, he's, I don't know, should we say, being forgetful? Is that fair? It's quite, I mean, even for the last few years of British politics, it's quite the thing to have to try and wrap your mind around. So he was doing an interview with Piers Morgan, the journalist citation needed as part of a television program. He presents on Talk TV a Rupert Murdoch-owned right-wing news channel that has so few viewers, I should be presenting a show on it. And the conversation turned

at one point to the Rwanda plant, which just is worth reminding bug Buglers, that the Rwanda plan, the bones of it, are that anyone who comes here seeking asylum or comes here as a refugee is put on a plane to Rwanda to be processed offshore, like the wet dream of a racist travel agent. And in the process of that conversation, Morgan said, well, you've not actually successfully managed to deport anyone as part of this game which is absolutely true and so he said I'll bet you £1,000 to a refugee charity that you don't get anybody on those planes before the election will you take that bet so what Piers Morgan is saying is that he will actually be giving that money to a refugee charity what I would say to him is just give the money to the charity like

there's no real but what was amazing about Rishi Sudak in that moment is that he said yes I'll take the bet and shook his hand but didn't then say I will also give the money to the charities. The whole thing. He looks so surprised in the moment. It couldn't be more and lots of people have been pointing this out on social media today, but it couldn't look more like a kid who's been bullied at school trying to get in with the bigger boys. It's an absolute embarrassment. And as the country is so fond of talking up at the moment, what would happen if we went to war with Russia? Because there's been a lot of talk about how we don't have enough people in the army, so we might have to have national conscription. I would say no one needs to

worry about that. If we go to war with Russia, our Prime Minister might get bullied by Vladimir Putin popping out from a cupboard. During this, he was also asked if Kier Stammer was a terrorist sympathiser, Kier Stammer, the Labour leader and responded, the facts speak for themselves. So I guess on one interpretation, that's just him saying, no, obviously he's not a terrorist sympathiser. But also I'd like to, I mean, this idea of the facts speak for them.

Have we known nothing else from this millennium that facts do not speak for themselves any more than a ventriloquist dummy speaks for itself. That is the whole art of 21st century politics. You make the facts say what you want them to f***ing say. Well, I mean, listen, we can all use those kind of rhetorical flourishes. I mean, the Rwanda plan, I mean, obviously people are very outraged at the moment because it seems out of touch, given the cost of living crisis, that two very wealthy people could be making

bets like the f***ing beginning of the movie Trading Places. But obviously, at a base level, we should also be outraged by the inhumanity of the Rwanda scheme. And, you know, we can all throw things around. And, you know, all I'm saying is, is Rishi Sunak sexually aroused by human misery? The fact speaks for themselves. The fact speaks for themselves. He's knocking one out every night thinking about, is he? I don't know, is he?

The fact mean for themselves I think I think there's been a lot of this he's out of touch nonsense since I there's been a whole lot of he's no Man of the people kind of response to this, but he is a man of the people he is It's just that the people he's in man of are the terrible terrible I thought it was refreshing to see him taking a pointless gamble with his own money for a day. That's quite nice. And if we're honest here, his real danger is winning. He's a tiny little fellow. If no, he's no bigger than his own son or charisma. If Morgan chooses to pay him the grand in one pound coins, it's going to take him absolutely ages to carry them what they want to his big event. So I mean, what, what's, you know, obviously people criticising for taking this Betz, it

was in bad taste and out of taste. I mean, what Betz do you think he should be, he should be taking on? Should it be the number of asylum seekers who die in British custody? Is that a more appropriate? Yeah, and if he likes bread betting, is he going to be betting on the names of the asylum seekers on the plane? Like it doesn't, he's opening a dangerous door up for himself. I mean, presumably the bet he should be taking is whether or not he's gonna be prime minister at the end of this year. Is he allowed to do this? Because he can throw that fight. What's the technique? I mean if he put all of his and his wife's combined wealth on that bet he could get himself a tenner Let's start doing that let's commit as a nation for all of the British Regal's out there if you see where she's seen I try and get him to bet all his money on something absolutely absurd and if you surprise him

He will agree to it. That's what we've learned. Yeah, let's talk quickly about his predecessor Liz Druss who was attempted to I don't know, relaunch, rebirth herself in Rebirth. Yeah, yeah, respawn. We mentioned this briefly last week and all the the extraordinary number of different factions in the Conservative Party and this new popular conservatism group that she was trying to launch along with Jacob Briggs-Mogg and various other members of the Conservative Party. And it had its launch today. Yes.

And it appears to have splintered into rival faction. The splinter faction at its launch splintered into further splinter factions. It's like a conservative party. It's the purest version of the conservative party possible. Yeah, it's popular conservatism is the name of the group, which is not how anything works. If I change my name by D-PolterJZ, I don't get to f*** the on-save. That's not how any of this stuff works.

Four MPs were built to speak, just two were present, Liz Truss and Jacob Rhys-Mogg. The former cabinet minister, Ranil Jawadna, who's seen as a kind of star of the Tory right, pulled out on Monday, as you say, swiping at his fellow panellists because there was in fighting. Simon Clark, who was another former cabinet minister, was removed from the line-up after calling for Rishi Sunak to be ousted. So as Liz Truss was on stage, tried to launch this party, she was doing essentially the political equivalent of Marty McFly and Back to the Future, fading away as she's out in front of an audience. The fact that people are willing to call themselves

trussites is absolutely astonishing given her political legacy. Listen, it has been discussed on this podcast before, but for a time I did a show for a short-form video platform called Quibi. And the reason it keeps coming up is because Andrew likes to remind me that I took down not only my show, but the whole platform with it. The premise of it was YouTube, but you pay for it. And in many ways Liz Truss is the Quibi of people. A bad idea, who we were heavily warned against that went as expected. But no one now was walking around going, man, I'm a real quibby guy. But there are still people calling themselves trust sites. And all they would say is like,

oh, no, sound a note of caution. King Charles is being treated for cancer. And Liz Truss has come back into public life on the same day. She's keep her away from him. She already did the mum. She's come back for the son. She's like the terminator but she actually gets results. Keep her the f*** away from King Charles, she's come back to do the son. She's extraordinary, there's a report about this meeting The Guardian that referred to her as being, quote, unfazed by the criticism. You've got that right. I think she might be the most unfazed human on the planet. In many ways it's a complete inability to be phased by the criticism. You've got that right. I think she might be the most unfazed

humour on the planet. In many ways it's a complete inability to be phased that was our economic undoing as a nation. I think phasability is a highly underrated quality in a politician along with shame and knowing when to go the f*** away now. Also, like, this whole popular because they're calling themselves and it's on the, you know, the livery behind them, Popcons! The f***ing Popcons! It sounds like a mid-90s CBBC show, starring the people who didn't quite make the audition for the Spice Girls, or a serial that had to be withdrawn after somebody choked to death on a free pong.

Even Quarté wasn't there, because he's standing down! He's standing down. He's standing down. He's standing down. Yeah, that all happened today as well and it's sort of being seen as like his final revenge on him. He's announcing he's going to stand down as an MP. Well it's like the old tongue twister isn't it? Quasi, Quartet, Quasley, Quash the was just a batshit bingo haul. It was because she was just hitting all of the key phrases.

She said that the leftists who were disguised as environmentalists were taking power away from families and giving it to the state and unelected bodies. She hit out, she said the attempts to achieve net zero was pandering to anti-capitalists and said that ordinary people believe the wokery that is going on is nonsense. And she said, wokism seems to be on the curriculum. And in response to this, you have to ask the question we all have been asking, who has been in charge this entire time? She keeps saying the left have been on the march.

The Conservatives have been in power for 14 years. It's unbelievable that the idea that the left has been on the march this entire time. I mean, I genuinely can't believe the gall. Well, I've started to wonder whether, I think for her, she's damaged. She genuinely has to believe this. Yeah, right. In the way that people don't remember traumatic experiences. Like, I think for her, she's damaged. She genuinely has to believe this. Yeah, right. In the way that people don't remember traumatic experiences, because if she for one second understood what had happened,

she... Your own cranium would collapse in on it. You're basically saying her Prime Minister ship is essentially like childbirth. Yeah! Didn't last quite as long. But I've got to be honest, yeah. And nothing really good came out of it. Except that since then, none of us have slept through the night.

Well, that brings us to the end of this week's Bugle. Do enjoy Taylor Swift Super Bowl on Sunday. I mean, it's, you know, it's huge for me. Is the halftime show just going to be a close-up camera of her face? I think so. Who is doing the halftime show? Well, I assume it's Taylor, just like a thousand cloned Taylor Swift. It'd be great if it was just her booing, whoever's on.

It's Usher. Usher? Oh my God, the early 2000s are back. Low-rise jeans were waging a war on terror and Asher is in the news. That is incredible news. I am thrilled to see Asher. It's become a legacy gig, hasn't it? You sort of half expect short pants.

I'd love to see showbans. Be kind, wouldn't it? My dream half time gig. Who wants a waltz? My dream half time gig, Zoltzman, right in the round. That would be great. But, well anyway, do enjoy the game if you're football fans. And I think strategically, it could all come down to the fact that George Kittle, the tight end for the 49ers, he's married to his college sweetheart, whereas Kelsey is dating the world's biggest pop star And I think the whole game could swing on that. Well, his college sweetheart is actually do a leap. So it's really

Thank you for listening Buglers don't forget to buy your tickets to the bugle live shows that are in March dotted around the United Kingdom details at the bugle podcast.com where you can also join your bugle voluntary subscription scheme and give a one-off or a current contribution to help keep the show free, flourishing and independent. Premium subscribers get an exclusive bright orange vinyl record that is currently in production

plus the monthly subscriber only ask Andy show. Nish, what do you have to plug? I'm touring the United Kingdom and Ireland though I do accept the anger from the people of Ireland that when I say I'm touring the UK and Ireland I'm touring the UK and I'm doing a show in Dublin. And I accept their anger it is legitimate. I'm doing that. You're coming? Yeah. So I'm doing that. The tickets are on sale at nishikrmarn.co.uk and you can buy my stand up show about bread roll gate,

which Chris was actually there for. I was there. Yeah, I was there for the bread roll. Bread roll or bread roll gate? I can't, I apologize so many times about it. What a review. Just felt like the thing to do in a moment. What a reveal that would be.

All of that is available at my website. Well, I just want to plug that niche is on tour. And since I threw the bread roll, I get some kick back off the DVD. Thank you for listening, bugles. Until next time, goodbye. You can listen to other programs from the Bugle, including the Bugle, time, goodbye.