The Bugle - Vice Signalling (4211)

Episode Date: November 6, 2021

Andy is with Stewart Lee (debut) and Felicity Ward to look at Cop 26, government sleaze, teenage boys and Squid Game crypto.Come see us live at Leicester Square Odeon, in London, on 13th November.We are funded entirely by you, the listener. Listeners who sign up via OUR NEW WEBSITE thebuglepodcast.com have long enjoyed the opportunity to get: mentions on the show (in the form of lies), merchandise and general sense of wellbeing for supporting this fine work of art. As of this week you can also support the show directly via Apple Podcasts. Our new channel ‘Team Bugle’ also includes The Gargle and Tiny Revolutions, shows which currently carry ads - but they will be completely ad free on this channel. So if you love The Bugle, and it’s siblings, then please support The Bugle via our website or Apple Podcasts where you can subscribe today.Buy a loved one Bugle Merch - COLD AND WET WEAVER T SHIRTS ON SALE NOW). Listen to The Gargle here: https://pod.link/GargleFollow us on YouTube or Insta and see parts of this episode with actual video.The Bugle is hosted this week by:Andy ZaltzmanFelicity WardStewart LeeAnd produced by Chris Skinner and Ped Hunter Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Dancelaguard fans, you will be thrilled to know a book is coming out if you fund it via Unbound. We are publishing the Dancelaguard Reader by Alice Fraser and Dancelaguard, a glorious insight into the world of Dancelaguard, self-published romance maven, and online bestseller. If you would like to find out how to support it, go to thebugelpodcast.com. If we get enough support, we will publish the book. That's a real thing that's going to happen. Thebugelpodcast.com to support the Danciler Guard Reader. A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A Audio newspaper for a visual world! Hello, Buglers, and welcome to issue 4,211 of the Bugle, the leading and only repository of reliable, verifiable false facts in both the known and unknown universes. I am Andy Zoltzmann, and this week for the first time ever since early last year, which

seems quite like ever ago, I am wait for for it, not only not in the shed, but actually back in a recording studio, an actual three dimensional, sorry, four, five dimensional recording studio, this place has got all the mod cons. Back where we used to record in the before times, I can see an actual human producer Chris through the Stropproof Safety Glass. Yes!

Ah, my two guests for this week are not hiding inside my computer, staring out at the screen, yearning for freedom. They are here in person. Firstly, please, wherever you are at home in the bath, powerlifting in a quarry, planks nuker on a crowd of horses or an international criminal court. Please give your loudest possible welcome back to the bugle to Felicity Ward. Yay power lifting in a quarry. What an image. I grew up near a quarry and like, yeah I did get dig that. It's like an 80s power bell of the year.

How have you been? Oh terrible. How have we all been? No good and terrible. There has been no one emotion that can sum up the last two years. I had a baby and there was a pandemic. On the upside I'm on antidepressants and I cannot recommend them enough. If anyone is considering it, please do see your GP and a therapist at the same time. Thanks for that tremendously concise review of the decades so far. And now, for the first time ever, on the Bugle, a man who, when I first worked with him, was eating nothing but cabbage soup out of a thermos floss.

Yeah, well, it didn't work, did it? Since when I'm still fat, and I got really bad flates. Over two decades later, he's moved on to solids. He's done very well. It's a great pleasure to welcome on Bugal debut, the one man 17th century British monarchy related adverb that is Stuart Lee. Thank you very much indeed, thank you for having me.

It's great to be here. It's great to be here and see some people. Before lockdown I'd never done a podcast or listen to one. Really? Yeah, and then I... I can love you, Stuart. Just Stuartlea die. Like you cannot be more branded as Stu if you try.

No, I've done loads now, because I've had this film, my watch on this film, and then there was no way of telling anyone about it or seeing it. So I went and loads of podcasts. I thought, oh, I see, it's just like in talk to people. Yeah. Not you do anyway, wouldn't you? Yeah.

So it's good. I'm glad to be here. Yeah, what's great to have you, John, right. Yeah. It's great to have you joining the Thank you the world of recorded conversation. Yeah. Yeah. Um welcome to the year 2001 There are space packs here. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So some of those early gigs we did together. The The cabbage soup that one was uh, that was an absolutely fascinating tool because that tour Which was organized by the management company you're still with, was so messed up. The idea was that I was going to tour the Edinburgh show I'd done under its own name, which

I forget what it was. I think it was called Badly Maps World, and I was going to do it in the small of venues and you were going to support me. But we got to all the places, no one had been told you were going. It hadn't been promoted as just my night. I was just booked on to bills with other people which wasn't the idea. And you had a strange trip around the country where you'd get to the places and they go, we were not told he was coming and he's not on the bill. And you had to go around with me for about two weeks. I was basically your adopted child for

three day trips. Bring a friend to work. It was like boss Willough Johnson with no value whatsoever. Yeah, but I have very fond memories of it. I remember you. With your dolphins? We saw dolphins. Yeah. And maybe you went off, well,

Well, we got a little ferry to the Isle of Butte. You were researching ley lines. Was I? For a book. Well, that was about as successful as the cabbage soup, right? But people are still talking about this. Yeah, and then you went off and watched a load of cricket

I remember in the end or something. That sounds about right. Because it was still doing that. And that was kind of a, I gave up stand-up during that tour. Right, Liverpool. I couldn't have that effect on people. Yeah, no, you may not have come to the gig actually, because you even stopped coming.

No, I remember. So I wasn't Liverpool. Yeah, and that clam in the docks about half way through. I thought, I just can't be bothered with anything here. What are you, you, was that? 2000. Yeah.

No, 2000, yeah. I gave it about five years, four years, because they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they,

they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, And I thought, well, I said, why don't you do it? You know, and I got up on stage, and he started going on, you know, about this. And I thought, I'll just, this'll be really funny. I'll just wait and see what happens, right? And people were booing him and everything. And in my mind, I sort of had the little metronome guy, I thought, I know exactly the right point

to stop this and say something. And it will be brilliant. And then the security guys came into the audience at the request of the management of that club and told me in a threatening way that I had to go back on stage because I was being paid. I wasn't being paid to be in the audience. And I had this kind of moment, I thought, I'm, it's my, I decide what I do in my own act.

You're not the police. And then I thought there was, and I knew I would have done something with it. I could have. And then I thought, there's no point. I can't do this. And until I can, until I can do it on my own terms. I just can't so yeah I gave I gave up right while I was with you. I gave right okay. No one's people who work with me Someone away for all my money in the future. It's my resignation coming out. It's a matter of time

John Oliver of course moved an entire continent to get away from me That's just what happens when he worked with Zoltzmann. We are recording... The Zoltz of it. On the 5th of November 2021, on this day in 1605, a famous day in British history, the massive Catholicism found Guy Forks saw his dreams of blowing up Parliament not go up in smoke because the so-called gunpowder plot was foiled, forks his scheme, of course had been to distract all the MPs and lords at the State Opening of Parliament, with a spectacular firework display, toffee apples and hot dogs, plus glow sticks, whilst providing a free public bonfire to people, for people to burn any spare effigies, they had lying around a house, while he sneaked into Parliament and exploded a crap out of it. And we now commemorate this plot here in Britain, the failure of which paved the way for today's

government of licks-bittling, delusion mongers and subterfuginous pocket-stuffing dust-its by risking our children's safety with cheap fireworks that we set off in gardens after drinking homemade punch with the years worth of leftover booze from the back of the cupboard. Great British tradition. What are you doing for Guy Fork's Night? Well, I'm going to see some comedy and some music. The last Guy Fork's Night I went out. I was beaten up by teenagers. So I'm really getting involved in how long ago was that?

That four years ago. Oh, that's racing. What, how are we talking beat like jumped or? I was walking along with the kids and they were a bit ahead of me luckily. It was about six o'clock in Stutt, Newington. And about 10 kids come up to me and they were sort of shooting fireworks towards, and about 10 kids come up to me and they were

sort of shooting fireworks towards people and they shot a firework towards me and it just went past my head like that. And I was more... It's really weird. We have got a problem as comics, I think, that we don't have a normal fight or fright mechanism. Yeah, we want to write it down. Yeah, we want to write it down. See how bad it can get, or try and understand it, or think we can be funnier than a firework ring shot

It so instead of going out I just sort of went Well, what have you done that for? What's the point of that? You know, I've got a five-year, you know Yeah, you're already thinking did you slowly deconstruct it? Oh, but yeah, well, I said you're gonna get really in trouble and you could have killed me Then that was like a massive insult and he's sort of showed me around. Then I was carrying two happy shopper shopping bags of beans and bread and things. And another one came behind me and rabbit punched me in the back of the head.

Oh my God. And all my shopping fell on the floor. And I was still doing what you're doing again where you're always going. I'm done, I'm not full. I can turn this around. I can turn this around. I'm so sorry.

And then a woman came out of a garden. And when they were going for weapons, a woman came out of a garden and when they were going for weapons, a woman came out of a garden and stopped it and they were embarrassed to be told off by a middle-aged woman and it kind of diled down. Then I was sort of standing around and then they all went off and then the one came back and put my shopping back in the bags. And that just shows you, they were right on the cusp between being nice little kids and murderers. Yeah, it's a fine line. It's a fine line.

I was on the train the other day, and there was a bunch of kids, and there was like a bully walking up and down the train. Now I just, you know, I've just, ticket collector. Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

And I mean, how people, that's why people stop working around you. It's because you're too fast and too sharp. The glow of your comedy is too intimidating. So this is like, this kid walk and he's like tall for his age. He's probably about 14. He's vaping, so he's very tough. Anyway, and they're talking to some other girls that they're speaking to them really badly.

And I'm getting my little chip on my shoulder. And I'm, you know, like clenching my fist just for the listeners. I'm five foot four. I'm now size 14 14 but I have been a size 6 in the past so I could probably like throw a punch now I couldn't before. So I'm like I'm getting worked up people are moving away from them because they've been little shits and I'm honestly ready to fight these kids. I'm 41 on the way they will get like calm down. So I turn around and there's an old lady and she's asked them not to vape and they're like, what's wrong, like getting in a face

and I sort of mouth to her, you okay? And she's like, yeah, I'm fine. And I said, well, like a mouth, I'm here if you want me, like I'm gonna do anything right. And then one of, they're like playing around and then one of them accidentally kicks the older lady. And I said, mate, you can't do that. You went, oh no, no, sorry, so it's an accident. I went accident or not. You can't

kick people. And then they go, are you from Australia? And they go, yeah, we have a 30 minute conversation. They're like, what's the currency there? Honestly, two bison boys are on the verge of greatness. They're on the verge of being these kind, beautiful pack your bag keys. Pack your bag after they've rubbed it. Sorry for the punch. Easy to pack a sweet corn. I know. Yeah, isn't it funny? And the weird thing was afterwards, I had to go to the police and they said, you have to deal with it in some way. You know, you won't... What I did, I made a model of it out of fancy wall games figures.

Yeah. I got 10, like, Orc Goblin sort of things. A little model of a street that you get for a railway and some models of ordinary people that you get for railway. And did you do, like, a a stop motion recording incentive to the film? I think you just didn't want to have it finished it. I could have finished it and locked down. I could have brought it in. But I didn't. Sadly that's all the time we have on the bugle today.

Yeah, I've been a long intro. A very long intro. Is this just intro? Yeah, we haven't started yet. Wow, the news is awful. That is... I'll have to show you how to do it. The news is awful. I'll explain.

It's... BELL RINGS On this day in 1499, we had the publication of the Catholic Om in France, which is a brochure promoting a special gathering in Paris where people had to come dressed as their favourite Pope Cardinal or martyrs Saint. And today, of course, is World Fountain Pendé? Were you aware of this? No, it's World Fog of Bairro. Were you aware of this? No, I was aware of it.

I was aware of it. Well, you've really let the side down. Get out. So this paragraph of the bugle has been a real longhang in the funnily peag. But my parrying, the visual lobbyist said, I'm using computer for 30 years. It's really legible, in fact, with splotch, splotch, splotch, splotch, splotch, splotch, doodle. Thank God that's over.

The rest of you isousal type writer. As always, at 6 North of Google is going straight in the bin. This week, we've partnered with a new History magazine, how it wasn't. It's a new History magazine for today's evidence and bivalent. Believe what we want to believe, we believe world. Dealing exclusively with things that obviously didn't happen and asking not only, why didn't they happen,

but also, why did they not happen? And if that didn't happen, could it have not happened, even if it had happened? And isn't that some kind of double negative? So can we actually be sure did they not happen? And if that didn't happen, could it have not happened, even if it had happened? And isn't that some kind of double negative? So can we actually be sure they didn't happen? This week, could Dinosaur speak Italian? Was Genghis Khan a free Mason from Arizona? Did Penguin spread the Black Death?

Are the pyramids upside down? Does the lack of written evidence specifically stating that it did not take place? Prove that there was, in fact, a major Romans versus Mayans sea battles somewhere near the Azores in the year 143 AD and was Hitler motivated by his rage not being picked up in the 1921 NFL draft. That is going straight in the bin. Well after that, it's a possibly longest ever introduction to the bugle, it's time for top story this week. The end of the world might possibly now be slightly less than it was a week ago. It's been COP 26 extensively and exclusively

trailed on recent bugles. The great and the good of the world have been, well, they've been watching on their tellies as the political and business leaders of the world have flocked to Glasgow to discuss ways of prolonging the human usability phase of this famous planet without losing too many elections and shareholders along the way. Have you enjoyed COP so far? Well, you know, I took a cautious, I took a cautious slight pleasure that something seemed to be happening rather than nothing.

Right, that's as much as you can say, isn't it? Yeah, really. Because normally you feel like they're just completely doomed to failure, because of all those reasons that you've just said. But I also feel like it's difficult to argue with loads of intelligent, thoughtful sounding young people who are genuinely depressed and furious in the street. I think they may actually have reached a tipping point with a bit of luck. Yeah.

I'm so excited about Generation Z. I just want them to f***ing revolt, mate. Tear the streets up, smash the state, do what you've got to do. We've done nothing for as long as you've been alive. Do feel free to wipe us all out and continue the planet better. You're doing great.

Well, the rhetoric, as well, the rhetoric that seemed radical from young people even two years ago, is now what a lot of mainstream people do. And in fact, as a little quiz involving the news or news quiz, if you like Andy, I've written down some quotes that are from Greta Thunberg, all the queen. And I want you to tell me which, who you think, who do you think, this is one of them touching me on magic. Who do you think said, the time for words has now moved to the time for action? The Queen or Greta Thunberg? Oh.

The time for words, the time for words, the time for words, so it's just the time for action or... Is that the German? ...grandparents' or fellow children? I was wondering who that was. Well, I think that's the Queen. That is the Queen. Yeah, I'm going to go to the Queen. Right, well, you think that's the queen. I think I, that is the queen. Yeah, yeah.

I'm going to go to the queen. Yeah. Right. Well, you're both right there. Right. Yeah. Who do you think said you can shove your climate crisis up your arch?

That is great. I'm so enchanting at this morning. That's right. That's very much the subtext of. Yeah. Who do you think said rise above the politics of the moment? That sounds weak. I'm going to say the queen. Sorry,

the queen is not being as good as I thought this. Right. Everyone's getting everything right. Who do you think said act for our children and our children's children? Well, I mean, she might, I mean, is it possible that it was the queen, but she was overheard speaking to her lawyers regarding the print Andrew Christy. That's what, you know, if you hadn't made that joke, I would have done. And it was the queen. Well done. That was the queen. That's like, what about this one?

None of us will live forever. The queen will get a thumbs up. Is that a queen from a, is that a lyric from a song by? No, I live from a song by Queen. It's one of those two people. Well, it can't be the queen because she obviously will live forever. I mean, that's clearly that song works. I'm going to say the Queen. I'm going to say Thunberg. Right, well in that case, Felicity wins because it was the Queen. Right.

Thank God there was some lack of consensus there. That had been the least interesting news-based quiz ever. I've never even used Quizzery to end these ups and downsides. Just like I'm on the verge of life. I'm on the verge of life. I'm on the verge of life. Yeah, sort of. Mate, you make it seem so easy to do funny quiz

on the right hand. Anyway. I was very impressed. There's been, I think there's 110 signatories about deforestation, and even Bolsonaro from Brazil assigned it, which proves that he's more dedicated to saving indigenous trees than people. Yeah, I mean, then indigenous people,

at least people are talking about that aren't they? They're saying, you know, they want to give 1.7 billion to Indigenous people, to encourage them to try and, you know, be carbon neutral or whatever. We're having, having basically the industrialized world having wrecked their environment by association. Yeah, yeah. Or genocideic cultures and people and languages. Yeah. I mean, whether that will. Cultures and people and languages and...

I mean, whether that will happen given that most Western museums are still arguing about whether to return their swore wouldn't carve it. Yeah. It seems a bit abstract. It should be fair, a lot of that genocide happened before people had worked out the impact of genocide on the environment. So, we can't judge about it, there's grudging standards. But I'm interested in looking at the money that has been being pledged as deforestation as global deal to end deforestation by 2030. I think it was

around about $14 billion. Previously a similar deal in 2014 has done in statistical terms, absolutely jack shit, to stop deforestation. It includes a 1.1 billion deal to save the Congo Basins Rainforest it's the number two ranked rainforest in the current world rankings behind the Amazon still on cracking form despite everything and So for 1.1 billion dollars You could either save the Congo Basin rainforest or you could get the broadcast rights for three months of Premier League football. So next time I was how seriously were taking this shit there. Is that true? That is the most depressing thing.

God, I... I know your thoughts kept in my mind. No, but I mean, just the thought that... If you stopped three months football, you could save an entire range of... What would people do? They'll be burning everything just to make football happen, maybe. To be fair, we did have lockdown and that didn't happen.

So it's possible, I'm sorry to bring realism into the room. It seems pretty rude thing to do on your show. Yeah, it has no place in my show. Sorry, sorry, sorry. You should know that, I'm on it. I just, like, they've just committed to this before. It's very, it's very hard to be enthusiastic and hopeful. Like, my husband, I've been with him for eight years and very early on, he would feel the kitchen sink when he was cooking with crockery and pans. I couldn't get a cup under there. I'm small, he's tall. It's easier for him to move things around.

And we've had many conversations where I said, hey, it's really hard when you stack everything in there, when there's an area right next door that you can use, called the countertop, and that's where the dishers should go. And he's like, yeah, I'm committed to it. I, you know, we're in this together. And it's eight years later and it's still happening.

So if that is difficult to achieve in a marriage about saucepans, I just think it's a very tall order to ask for these people who are known animals. Yeah, I mean, it's difficult. It's difficult that we're host to get a point where the fact that our government is full of people that lie about things has never been moral for it. So it's kind of, in fact, you know, I mean, as this is unravelling in Glasgow and we're

being asked to take people's word on things in Westminster, are just a massive load of stupid lies, is that me, all the time? Just all the time. It's, yeah, it's, I don't know if you are across the billboards that got put up by an Australian satirist called Down the LH. He's actually a mate of mine. And he couldn't be at COP26. So he thought, oh, I wonder if I could just get a billboard. And within two hours, he crowdfunded $14,000.

So there's, they were in New York in Times Square. And now they're on the outskirts of Glasgow and he's got one that says zero net emissions by 2050 and there's like a kangaroo with its tail on fire and then there's another one that says cuddle a koala before we make them extinct because our Prime Minister Scott Morrison has literally bought a chunk of coal to parliament in Australia before to make a point. And he puts coal on his face, doesn't he? Is that him? And white gloves, yeah.

No, there's one who tries to, there's an Australian politician who has always got a bit of coal on him as if he's just come. Oh, I mean, that could be Bob Catter. I mean, there's so many mad f***ing Australia. It mad behaviour is the only thing that truly, truly encapsulates what we do. And like Boris Johnson is a terrible PM and a compulsive liar, but Australia has very strong hold my beer energy when it comes to failing on an international scale. And Scott Morrison, I mean like the French prime minister, a president just openly called

him a liar in a, and then he, Scott Morrison leaked the mean, like the French Prime Minister, President just openly called him a liar in a, and then he, Scott Morrison leaked the text messages the next day, like he's a four-year-old. But people are doing that here now, as I mean, that this week is the first time that I've seen the BBC today program, journalists heard them just openly laughing at government and aisles about things and finding them ridiculous

because there's no other option anymore. You know, so it might again, I've used the word tipping point twice and I'm aware that I get into these ruts, but it does feel like something of, if the cow's beaten, subservient national broadcaster cannot just avoid openly laughing at people just lying, then maybe we are getting somewhere. Maybe, or I just think it's the audacity of entitlement that the government have. That they, you know, like, I mean, we'll get to...

That was Boris Johnson's response to Barack Obama's book, wasn't it? Yeah, yeah. The audacity of the title. LAUGHTER Very funny. Just on Boris Johnson, by the way, there's a picture of him sitting next to David Attenborough and Boris Johnson is asleep and he's not wearing a mask.

And I just thought, what a beautiful freaky Friday moment that would be if David Attenborough was actually our Prime Minister and Boris Johnson was just an old man in these 90s. Not wearing a mask and about to catch COVID. Yeah, that sounds like the greatest film. That's that, that's, Adembre was one of the celebrity appearances near the COP26 and it's, I do feel sorry for him because he's, he's trotted out every year to say he's beautifully enunciated, scientifically accurate, undeniably true, properties of doom, and everyone sits around and, oh yeah, that's from amazing,

and then just nothing happens again. I mean, he must, he's gone from documenting a discovery of the world and its nature to just explaining its death and its own lifetime, his own lifetime follows the arc of just the collapse of every story. Every documentary of his is just a suicide note from nature. Yeah. He's a beautiful shot though. Oh god. I mean I need a baby. It'll win Baffters. It'll win Baffters. There'll be other celebrities getting involved. Arnold Swartz, a Nega. Yeah. And I mean let's hope this this was heartfelt and genuine rather maneuvering himself into the Queen's good books now she's sadly single again

He followed Lizzo the second criticism of world leaders For being all mouth and not even casually leaving through a trouser catalog before checking it on the fireplace and he Points out that he has an electric powered Humvee Which I mean, I think is the Schwarzenegger invasion of the future that we can't get on board with, is it? I mean, environmentally friendly attack vehicles for all, surely that's...

Yeah, and this is part of the problem, I mean, what you, there you have, I mean, you know, he seems like a nice bloke and his heart's probably in the right place, but he's describing an incredible luxury item, isn't he? And it was, it was, it was, it was not available, probably to the president of many of the smaller countries. Of course, loads of him couldn't afford to attend because Glasgow hotels and Air B&Bs and whatever did exactly what they do to us every summer in Edinburgh, which is like, when I've from one place it's normally 42 pounds, 1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000, accommodation price gouging. It's so outrageous. Leonardo DiCaprio also

tuddled along to Glasgow and if anyone should want all the ice caps to melt after what he went through on the Titanic it should be him but shows amazing levels of forgiveness that we can only admire that is now a pro environment and well you mentioned the queen and those words that she said the time for words has now moved to the time for action and actually moved there quite a long time ago probably in the 1980s if not before but the problem is the time for words has now moved to the time for action. It actually moved there quite a long time ago, probably in the 1980s if not before, but the problem is the time didn't get around to sending out a change of address cards. It's always busy time because it has so little of itself, sadly.

Just for listening to Andy, I had quite a little smirk on his face, is he really? It was so pleased with the sensitivity written. I mean, as he said it, I was thinking, thinking that's really good it's like swift or something but then he looks so pleased with it. I said it. I decided not to say the compliment. You can't make that face when you say those. You have to lonely, can I love doing it? Can we just mountain normally is on the news quiz you see? No one can, you can't see it.

You can't see it but I'm thinking, you're driving on or whatever you think, wow, witty man. But then you see him making his pleas'm thinking, I'm your driving on or whatever, you think, wow, which he man, but then you see him making his pleasurant self face. What a prick. What an absolute prick. If we've built in this image up for 14 years on this issue, you've just ruined it in your first f***ing time.

Boris Johnson in his speech said that the world was a minute to midnight, which generally he regards as funky time, I believe. And he began with a speech about how the world is like James Bond in the climactic scene of James Bond film, strapped to a Doomsday device. The difference being that in a James Bond film, the Doomsday device usually belongs to a Tory party donor. There was someone who looks and behaves as if they could be a Tory party donor. He said two degrees more of warning

and we jeopardize the food supply for hundreds of millions of people, puts it into context. The roads will be so hot that the tyres on deliverer bikes will simply pop. Three degrees and you can add more wildfires and cyclones five times as many droughts and 36 times as many heat waves. Sounds like there's some markets to be played there.

And four degrees, and we say goodbye to whole cities, Miami, Alexandria, and Shanghai, lost beneath the waves, but none of those are key marginal constituency. So, frankly, in conclusion, we're f***ing. Yeah, he said he's bringing us, he said that 250 years ago in Glasgow, James, what came up with the machine powered by steam produced by burning coal and 250 years later we've brought

you back to the place that this Doomsday machine was invented. It was pretty grim that in it. But again, yeah, the problem is with him saying these things, you just don't believe any of it. No, not for second. You just don't believe any of it. And there's never been a worst time for someone like him to be in charge of a developed world economy. And he did slightly undermine his words and pleasures

by then flying back to London on a private jet for his dindans. Oh, he's hangy. I guess so. Have we all got hangy sometimes? Yeah, we have a little hangy hangies. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa melted for the third time in the last five years, the fifth time in the last 18 years, having only done so three times in the previous 70 and never in the 200 years before that. The famous glob of snow dubbed the Sphinx, despite being a Scottish blob of snow rather

than the human-lined fork and crossbreed from Egypt, has disappeared into a symbolic and actual nothingness. And according to stats from the International Association for Noaching when things unexpectedly melt, the only times this thing had previously undergone a full body defrostification in the last three centuries have been in the years, 1933, 59 and 96th and 2003, 2006. And here's the real kicker, 2017, 18, and now 21. The Brexit vote was in 2016. So, three times since the Brexit vote, this patch of snow has melted. It only melted three times in the entire time before the Brexit vote, the Britain's part of the EU. Draw your own conclusions,

but Brexit is making our mountains turn their snow into tears that they weep into the rivers, that then wash out into the seas that separate us from the world. Why would we not told that this would happen? Well, you know what? I know you're making a satirical point, but it has been environmentally unfriendly, Brexit, hasn't it? It's a, I mean, gove told us that we would be able to have a tighter, he said specifically, in 2018, we'll be able to have tighter environmental regulation when we leave the EU.

And the first thing that happens is slow and loads of sewage gets discharged into the end. And because Brexit, whether Brexit was wrong or right, what has happened is it's put in power some extremely unaccountable dishonest people who will say one thing and do another and have a massive road building plan when it's the last thing you need, whatever. So, you know, it is sort of environmentally wrong thing I know that will make people listen to this thing. I'm mad, but it is it is sort of bad for the environment Well it is because it's unregulated because when you take away other people that hold you to account

Yeah, then all of a sudden you're like oh you mean the British government has all the controls to do what they want Yeah, what does this button do? Oh, that makes us money. Well, let's keep doing that The UK's chief scientific advisor has urged people to do what they want. What does this button do? Oh, that makes us money. Let's keep doing that. The UK's chief scientific advisor has urged people to do their bit of environment by eating less meat, reducing the number of flights they take, and embracing green technology. I mean, we tried all those things in the 13th century, and it didn't go too well for us to be honest. But I'm not sure I get the logic of eating less meat. You know, if the cows and the beefs are emitting all this meat, surely the more we eat, the less there are of them

to emit meat in, to far away to all my getting. That's a good point, I'm not thought of you like that. Apparently in the States, eating meat has become a sort of, what's the opposite of virtue signaling? Vice signaling? Vice, virtue seems become a vice signaling thing for people on the far right in America to show off about eating meat. Jordan Peterson says he only eats meat. Vycegnelling? Vycegnelling? Vycegnelling? Vycegnelling? Vycegnelling? Vycegnelling? Vycegnelling? Vycegnelling? Vycegnelling? Vycegnelling? Vycegnelling? Vycegnelling? Vycegnelling? Vycegnelling? Vycegnelling? Vycegnelling? Vycegnelling? Vycegnelling? Vycegnelling? Vycegnelling? Vycegnelling? Vycegnelling? Vycegnelling? Vycegnelling? Vycegnelling? Vycegnelling? Vycegnelling? Vycegnelling? Vycegnelling? Vycegnelling? Vycegnelling? Vycegnelling? Vycegnelling? Vycegnelling? Vycegnelling? Vycegnelling? Vycegnelling? Vycegnelling? Vycegnelling? Vycegnelling? Vycegnelling? Vycegnelling? Vycegnelling? Vycegnelling? Vycegnelling? Vycegnelling? Vycegnelling? Vycegnelling? Vycegnelling? Vycegnelling? Vycegnelling? Vycegnelling? Vycegnelling? Vycegnelling? Vycegnelling? Vycegnelling? Vycegnelling? Vycegnelling? Vycegnelling? Vycegnelling? Vycegnelling? Vycegnelling? Vycegnelling? Vyce of uncooked sausages in 2016, celebrating America with some red meat, FU Obama. So it's become the sort of right wing thing to eat meat.

It's the opposite of work. Yeah. And eating meat is the opposite of work. Yeah. To show that you're not beholden to the woke, green lobby. You eat as much meat as possible or only meat. I mean, if they can turn that into fat if they want to then by all means that'll be dead a lot sooner. Yeah. You know if we can if we can actually really turn this into a campaign angle and we can get very far right people to just like go on that meat only diet. PS when I was a wait, I met a guy who hadn't eaten a vegetable since

1986. And he was like 85 and ripped and had like this just like a ragland t-shirt neckline on and short sleeve shirt and he looked incredible. Did he? All the eight with me. So you're saying that it really worked for him? I mean maybe. Where was this? This was in Sydney. Right. So what happened in Australia in 1986 that made him a band. No, he was actually American. All right. But he was visiting Australia and he was just in the cafe that I was in. I guess some new kind of meat there that he not had for. I bet he loved it. Yeah, probably. I mean, there's no there's no fat on that man. Yeah. He just, yeah have before. But he loved it. Yeah, probably. I mean, the kangaroo, there's no, there's no fett on that, man. Yeah. He just, yeah, I'm sure he loved it.

But yeah, I just, you just reminded me of it. I think it's really fair of you to tell us that because I, because it's really, it's, I mean, a lot of people will accuse Andy of being woke, of woke, lefty from the BBC. But the program has made the case for balance there by you're saying the best looking fittest elderly man you've ever seen had not eaten anything except me He looks like he could lift a car. Yeah, yeah, like and absolutely beat me in an arm wrestle And I he may have said that as well like you you know those people that are like yeah, I look incredible for my age look

I'll show you well That's that's put me into a bit of a quandary, actually, now, as I'm one now. I came in here snaring at the idea of people that only eat meat for now. And now I'm thinking maybe I'll just go and eat meat. Will it make me really right wing, though, if I only eat meat?

What about a little bit of just meat and a firmness for you? Just like a smoothie. And maybe if you just have like a little bit each day, it'll bring you back to the centre. That's weird, because the last time I was working with Andy, I was only in Canada. And now, 20 years down the line, I'm going to leave only eating meat. It's the ockerms razor. Yeah. But I mean, if eating meat is right wing, then I've had some breakfast that have

been absolute plates of unrestricted fascism. And my wedding cake might as well have been e-knot pal. Yeah. Alright, well there we are. That's the environment sorted. Let's move on now to, well, touching on something you sort of hinted at earlier on, Stuart, the corruption shamozl in Westminster. Oh, in Patterson, the Conservative MP has resigned as an MP after, I guess, what can only be described

as an absolute shamozl. There was an investigation into his behavior that founded repeatedly and seriously broken parliamentary rules. He'd been paid more than a hundred thousand pounds a year by the medical testing firm Randox, who by what we can only assume is the most extraordinary if co-incidences have landed half a billion quids worth of Covid contracts. And he was also paid. And this is the thing that really got me. £12,000 for 24 hours work a year. This is while he's working as an MP by a sausage-making company. That's 500 pounds an hour by a sausage-making company for four hours every time. And I have questions to write on this. How the f*** does anyone earn 500 pounds an hour close to a million

pounds a year pro-rata from a sausage-making company unless they have developed either a genetically modified pig that grows pre-sossaged with a torso consisting of tubes of flesh held together by a thin membrane of skin or a means of turning unused leftover sausages back into live pigs. There are more questions than answers ever missed. Or so why would a healthcare company want to pay £100,000 a year to a guy whose-politics, professional working background was in the leather industry, was he advising them on whether or not to coat their COVID test kits in real leather, fake leather or no leather? It's, I mean, there's been so much in, as we're talking about, recent British politics that has not shown this country's democracy in the most sparkling of, uh, Well I like the way you could see the mechanics of it you know we're

all aware that each morning some Tory MP draws the short straw and has to go around all the morning news programs trying to cover up for all the lies and mistakes and this time it was quasi-quarting and he was sent out when he was sent out in the morning he was still under the impression that that own partisan was going to be reprieved and that all the laws were going to be overturned because they'd voted for that to happen. And he overdid it. He went mad and he started saying that they were going to sack the woman, the woman in charge of the, of the inquiry should resign or this sort of thing.

He was really selling it. He was been a really good Tory lawless. Even as he was doing those interviews somewhere else, it was being decided that they weren't going to do any of that. And that it was all going to be withdrawn. So not only was he thrown under a bus like everyone that was told to vote for it, but then the bus reversed back over him again and then drove back over him again on the way out. And I couldn't have him to have better person really because he's he's always sent out, he overstates the case, you know, like when when Nick Robinson found himself just having to say to him, you him, when Quarting was saying that Johnson was a beacon of integrity and had done so much to improve standards in public

life. Even Nick Robinson, who is a former head of the university conservative organisation, had to say to him, can you give one example of that? I don't mean to be rude, but just off the top one. That's why I felt kind of reached the end of the road a bit, and this might be more damaging than we think, but I don't know. It was great seeing that. And it's a strange hill to die on to defend our own Patterson. When he was in Environment Minister, he was a climate change skeptic and amongst all the expensive scandals, he was one of the maddest ones.

It was for a duck house. It was for a duck house. He claimed for a duck house. Although the man who's currently defending him is education secretary, Nazim, uh, the whole, yeah, yeah, he put in for underfloor heating for his horse. Oh, come on. No, no, no, he did. No. He got the chance to play, because there's nothing the country can't have a cold horse

in a, um, in a punitive chat. They're like hooves! They don't even feel the cold. So, if the horse was his advisor at the time, that's the way. I felt like it had to die on the hill of protecting the duck house, climate change skeptic man, seemed, unless, of course, the real fear was that if they keep doing investigations, eventually, because everyone's going to get caught, because like Wittingdale,

who was gonna be put in charge of the new committee on investigating things, was himself investigate, it wasn't even taking an all expenses paid trip to the MTV Awards with the Dominatrix. Although admittedly he wasn't paying her because she was his girlfriend. So it was not that, didn't add up.

But you know, so let he was never taken on all expenses, made it, to the age of music, and with the dumblates. It's so first time, yeah, I know. The whole thing is so brazen that I can't tell if it is a tipping point towards good or the end. Or the end, yeah. It's just, it's going to be bad forever now,

and there's no coming back. Because it's like the, what's amazing is the story of so full of surprises and then very low expectations barely being met. Just amazing. So you've got Owen Paterson being investigated, then found a gregiously breaching lobbying rules, then recommended 30 day suspension. So the government forgetting that they have an audience of say 60 or so million people that pay their wages. Then decide that... There's a lot of kids paying tax there.

There's, well, kids start young today. Yeah, Mum's a dad to pay him for the main thing. That's right, they've got avocados to buy, remember that. That they try to change the rules. So first, they vote against him being suspended for 30 days for breaking the rules. And then having the audacity to say we actually need to look at the rules, not to look at him. And then in a while turn of events, Labour obviously says, oh that's a bad idea. And then even some Tories, like even some Tories are going, look, we love f***ing people over. Don't get me wrong, big fan of it, been doing it, part of our M.O.

Really part of our manifesto. At the same time, this might be even a little bit too gawling for us, so we might just abstain. Like that's, I mean, I even wondered when it started, whether it was some sort of joke, because they thought, let's prove how unstoppable we are by wasting our credibility and goodwill in getting this bloke off. And let's see if it makes any difference. Yeah, like when Trump said he could shoot someone in the street, it will make any difference. This almost seemed like, I was very, was preparing to testing the limits of public tolerance.

A hundred percent. And now that the government's done a 20, like a U-turn in 24 hours, the papers are saying like, oh, the government's integrity has taken a hit. And that is something that this government has consistently impressed us with, that just when you think there's no more integrity to lose, they start digging to lose more. I think it's inspiring. So can you hit a non-existent bit of integrity?

Can you hit zero integrity? Yeah, but it's quite a non-existent cricket ball. It's quite difficult, Houston. I mean, the great irony of all of this, as Owen Patterson has just had a gutful, he's resigned, which ironically has given him more integrity. And now I'm like, maybe I would vote for him. Just when he was a Tory, I wouldn't, but the fact that he's resigned and not being kicked out, I'm like, maybe he's got something to offer. Yeah, it's quite an old school thing to do, resigned, isn't it? It's what politicians used to do in a better time. That's what women do. It's what women do. It's not what, so if you look in

Australia, all of the female politicians that have been caught out for corruption for using, you know, expense accounts incorrectly, incorrectly lying and stealing. They've stepped down. They're like, yep, and men are like, I feel like I've got another five years in me. How do you, can we do that? Um, well, just, just over the last couple of hours, apparently Downing Street is declined according to the Guardian to rule out the possibility that Owen Paterson could get a seat in the house of Lords after stepping down as an MP, so long live democracy. Sorry, that's not a joke? No, no, no, it's genuine, genuine website. I know I swear a lot, but Jesus fucking Christ. Fair point.

Fair point. The Fair point. Can I just say that you asked us to look at a story with this headline, Squid Game Cryptocurrency Scammers vanished with 3.3 million. And then the subheading through it in Reuters was crypto coin-riding squid game high craters after dizzying rally. I don't know what any of that is about.

I don't know what any of it means. I don't know what cryptocurrency is. I don't really know what squid game is. I suspected it was some game that Boris Johnson used to play at Eaton. You're thinking of soggy crackers, I think, of course. But I don't really know what that is, and I didn't really think there was time for me to understand it and then have a funny opinion about it.

Well, it's to do with cryptocurrency, so. You're not supposed to understand it. But that's how it works, but I think we'll not understanding it. And Squid Game is a Netflix series, which is the most watched series of all time, and Netflix is... And the guy got a flat rate for it and no... I mean, yeah. I don't think that that's unusual in... Oh, no. Well, that's why they have to hide the viewing figures,

so they don't have to pay anyone anymore. So do you know the conceit of Squid Game? People have to do bad things for money. Yes, but that's just like the same. Showbiz. She says, why can't I decide if I'm out? I did not get paid well enough for that. In South Korea, there's extraordinary gambling debts. And so it's a reflection

of society. They're all inspired by a phenomenon that they experience there. And what I mean, it's very, very hard for me to sympathise with people that have invested in fake money, digital money, cryptocurrency, that's associated with a show about people who are desperate that are being exploited, looking for a quick way to make money. It's like, I don't know how to feel sorry for you. Or there's a few flags on that one though. There's a few flags. The fact that it's not linked officially to the show and they've never said it's been linked officially to the show, it's like, I don't know if you've ever read an unofficial biography.

But that's a red flag. You stay away. If it says unofficial, I've only read one and that was the Dave Grohl unofficial biography and the author was like, I had a Navanna CD and I got to speak to an old neighbour of Dave's parents and here's some opinions they had on the education system. Like, it is nothing, nothing to do with it. So I should also say at this point that anyone speculating in the bugle on cryptocurrency,

that is nothing to do with this show, nothing. Is it like when tabs of LSD used to have pictures of Disney characters on them, but they hadn't actually been made work? They hadn't been called yet. Yeah, it's not official, daffy, duck, merchandise. I mean, in 14 years I've been doing the bugle. There have been many stories that have encapsulated everything about the world that we broadcast in from and predominantly

for. But I don't think anything can quite match a made up currency based on a made up TV show, run by anonymous anonymous, is that the term? Basically, concerting the entire economic Ponzian bubble processes into the lifespan of a moderately tenacious butterfly. I mean, I think this is just everything, again, everything about the modern world. The scam's estimates to have earned its perpetrators $3.3 million after they snaffled the money that had been invested in the value of the non-existence at whatever the f*** they are dropped from a high of over $2,800 to 1 third of a cent in a minute or something. I don't really understand it so it's like stocks and shares but there's nothing, nothing exists.

Yes, at least there were some actual f***ing tulips. Against some more kind of context on this, the global cryptocurrency market is worth $2.6 trillion, which is worth 2,300 Congo-based rainforest preservation projects. Oh, God! I was just wondering. Oh, God, that's so awful. Well, that brings us to the end of this, what has been the end of a lot of things. Do you need someone to take you home? No, you're right. Just text me, yes, I'm just text you.

Oh god, I haven't seen a few other stories. We'll maybe come back to next week. Next week's show is a live bugle at the Oddeon In Leicester Square, as part of the Podicon festival with Nish Kumar and joining us by the magic of the internet, NATO Green. Tickets are available online. It's on the 13th of November at 7pm, bring all your friends and family. We might even have shit loads of old,

worthless merch that we might try and hawk. That cut-up, cut-pulk. Woo! Cut, pro. Sorry, sorry, yeah. Some excellent high quality stuff that's been... That's a fungible token, isn't it? Sitting in my attic for f***ing years, we've still got John Oliver's face on it. That'll be worth more.

LAUGHTER Um, so do cover log two, uh, to the gig. Uh, it will be, uh, well, Hahahaha! Hopefully just as optimistic as this one has been. Well, thank you both for coming on the bugle. It's been really, really great to the point where I've, I mean, maltisteria of emotions all right.

All right, well it's been lovely to have you on. Yeah. Do you have any other shows live or otherwise to come out? When's this go out? Tomorrow. Okay, well I'm in the next few weeks, I am at every man's cinemas in Liverpool, Broadgate in London, Leeds, Bristol, Dostin in London and the Middleton Centre in Birmingham showing the film that I made with Michael Cumming of Brass Iron Toast which is called King Rocker about the Nightingales Birmingham cult band and it was edited by people that know about comedy, me and Michael

so there's big laughs if you see it in a cinema. And then I'm the abandoned Snowflake tornado tour, which now has extra cultural resonance is reconvened in January for its last 100 or so dates from January to July. I have a couple of things I made a show. I filmed a show in Australia called Wakefield and it's a drama series and that is still on I View in Australia. It's also showing if we have American listeners, it's showing on Showtime on Monday nights at 9pm. I think it'll be episode three next week and it's been nominated for eight actors which is like our BAFTAs. We found out this week which is very exciting. I'm also doing my first working progress of the three shows I'm doing next year at

Soho Theatre in a couple of weeks. So you can go to my Instagram profile. I think I have the tickets there. I have not updated my website because admin is very close to the thing that will push me over there. So yeah, or you can go to the Soho Theatre website. So the show is called the Motherfucking Trilogy. And the first show is about pregnancy and the second show is the birth story and the third show is about new parenthood. So if you want to see the first, it will be in a very bad state. No, but that is an extremely ambitious and worthwhile thing to do. I mean, it's really great. And it flies in the face of contemporary trends of reducing all comedy content to a shareable seven-second clip. Yeah, yeah. To come out of the gate of this

with a June style trilogy. Yeah, yeah. It's really impressive. It's my Lord of the Rings. Congratulations. Thanks. Let's hope I can pull it off. Yeah. Pretty sure, softwae, these are right, I'm not the ****ing trilogy. Well, the ****ing will be crossed out. Right. But the idea is...

I have updated my website. What? For the first time in... Well, I mean, ever. What are you doing now? Well, I have a tour from... About the 24th of February, for about a month,

about 20 little arts interviews around the UK so do book tickets for every single one of those gigs at andyzaltzman.co.uk which is now a very basic one-page website that doesn't work particularly well on mobile but now we got that is huge progress. We're done. Thank you for listening Bouglass to join your Bougal voluntary subscription, go to theBougalPockers.com and click the donate button. you