The Bugle - Who? Liz Truss!?

Episode Date: September 6, 2022

Who is Liz Truss and when will that change? Also, what next for Boris Johnson, what can you do with a gun in Times Square and what is Serena going to evolve into?Our 15th Birthday Special Tour is coming to the UK and Ireland this year: https://www.thebuglepodcast.com/liveThere's no ads in this show, thanks to you! Cast some cents and pennies our way: https://www.thebuglepodcast.com/donateThis episode was written and presented byAndy ZaltzmanJosh GondelmanNish KumarAnd produced by Chris Skinner Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Dancelaguard fans, you will be thrilled to know a book is coming out if you fund it via Unbound. We are publishing the Dancelaguard Reader by Alice Fraser and Dancelaguard, a glorious insight into the world of Dancelaguard, self-published romance maven, and online bestseller. If you would like to find out how to support it, go to thebugelpodcast.com. If we get enough support, we will publish the book. That's a real thing that's going to happen. Thebugelpodcast.com to a real thing that's going to happen. TheBuglePodcast.com to support the Danciler Guard Reader. The Bugle, audio newspaper for a visual world.

Hello Bugleers, it's Monday the 5th of September 2022. Welcome to the last Buggler ever to be recorded whilst the United Kingdom has Boris Johnson as its Prime Minister. For now! I enjoy this moment just a little bit. I'm Andy Zoltzmann and by the time you listen to this show, assuming you're not me, Chris, one of my two co-hosts, our studio engineer, or a bugle of Sess Hacker, who has warmed your way into our Zoom call.

Boris Johnson will have buoying off this political coil. For now! To spend more time with his overwhelming sense of deluded grievance, and to spend more time with his regret at having missed a place on the greatest prime ministers of all-time podium by at least 52 places in the rankings, so we will exclusively reveal who the 56th Prime Minister of the United Kingdom will be. Shortly in the show, joining me for the big reveal this week, a man whose membership of the Conservative Party remains, I believe, unsubmitted.

It's Nishkama. Hello, Nish. Hello Andy. Hello, Bughlers. The idea that you think that's what Boris Johnson is going to be spending his time doing is naive beyond belief, Andrew. He's going to be spending his time doing

what he likes to spend his time doing, getting his dick and keeping it wet. Oh my God. Also, the only thing you got right there was that you didn't use the phrase spend more time with this children. Because that is not the thing the guy's not going to be doing. And let's be quite honest, that man needs time. Because this guy has got children like you wouldn't believe. And for a cold, hard global perspective on a unique British form of chaotic transfer of power from New York City, it's Josh Gondelman.

Hello, Josh. Hello, Andy. How is New York responding to the imminent defenestration of Boris Johnson in London? Pandemonium. People are marching in the streets, but that is because it is the American Labor Day. So I will be spending the duration of this podcast trying to unionize Nish. I guess. Too late, Big Man. Hell yeah. I'm already the member of 15 different unions.

You can't stop me coming for your nonsense. I'm actually started up the Bugle Union now and get ready for a strike, Chris. Until you start unbleeping my swear words, I refuse to. I'm on strike. Well, that's Andrew Lawrence put for next week. This is Monday the 5th of September 2022. The last day, as I say, of Boris Johnson's reign as Prime Minister for now. The rule of three is hackneyed, it's unoriginal and it's predictable and unnecessary. By coincidence, tomorrow, this Tuesday, the 6th of September, which is

International Replacer Tool Day. It's international explained to your baffle children, why democracy was once viewed as a source of hope and light. It's also British allow 170,000 members of a strange and secretive cult to choose a leader for a nation of almost 70 million people day. It's world, what's the f***ing point of anything any more day, and it's also international makeup and international day for something day. That's the only one I'm bothering with. Today it's 500 years since the one surviving ship from Ferdinand, Magellan's, Round the World, Lads Only, Boose, Cruz returns to Spain, departed in 1519, returned on the 6th of

September 1522 with just 30 out of 270 men and one out of five ships. People can play about public transport today. We don't have a fucking good move, got it? As always, we have various sections of the bugle in the bin, including your commemorative why Rishi Sunak would have been a rubbish prime minister section. Now that's in the bin. The main reasons were one, everyone would be a rubbish prime minister

at the 21st century, even if someone is a good prime minister, most people will still think they're rubbish. Two, because he's exuded the authenticity and everyday humanity of a counterfeit Brenda Bullshit doll, which is not even from an actual TV character. Three, because he's also exuded the level of economic empathy for the less fortunate, that he would expect from a multi-millionaire, married to a billionaire, or from a hedge fund ruler tier, or from private school educated Oxford PPE graduate, all for three very understandable reasons. Any more reasons to add to that, Nish? Why, Sunak would have been rubbish to go in the bin?

Well, listen, my feelings on Rishi Sunak are pretty well documented. But I would say, and I may have said this other people before, and I apologize if I have, but the Rishi Sunak, this is a huge victory for Asian slackers across the United finger because here's the thing that non-South Asians and specifically non-British South Asians won't know is that all of us grew up with a Rishi Sunak in our lives and our

mothers would constantly tell us why can't you be more like Rishi Sunak, look how neat your hair cut is, look how nice is why it is, why can't you be more like Rishi Sunak, and it turns out Rishi Sudak was a f***ing and we knew that all along. So this is a huge victory for South Asian slackers across the country because my arts degree has as of now killed no people. LAUGHTER My degree killed an entire civilisation.

LAUGHTER I think it was already dead to be fair. Tomorrow, the 6th of September is not only British Traversey of a functioning democracy day, it's also a National Reader Book Day. And for our second section in the bin, it's our the Google Book section. I don't know what nation it is, National Reader Book Day in. So I do have a book about national days that should have the information in, but I'm not planning to nation it is, National Reader Book Day in, but still I do have a book about national days that should have the information in,

but I'm not planning to read it until tomorrow. Anyway, our books recommended by the bugle include how to spray your ankle and other minor injury suffering advice for avoiding work unwanted social functions and having to play top level sport by Professor L'Obiilius Tremblenitz. Kasplashnikov, how Russia's favorite rifle changed high-bored diving

by Andre Grechko and Greg Luganis, a fascinating collaboration by the former Soviet minister of defence from the 1970s and an American 1988 Olympic gold medalist. We also recommend a recently discovered work by French scribblemeister Marcel Proust, Al-Arachers du Crayons Péredu, in the first in his series of books about trying to find things that he'd lost Of course continued after a pencils with time carkeys socks and snakes You're also on the bugle recommended books list from wombs to wombats a memoir of a life obsessing about words beginning with the letters W. O M and B by dr. Wombard Womblowski As well as you can't crucify me. I'm a shark by de-frocked

form of priest, the extravaryn, Parsam and Hibbons, who examines whether the real Messiah was, in fact, a hammerhead shark who worked off the coast of the Holy Land in the early First millennium. We also recommend, I've got a lot of recommendations for National Reader Book Day, SpongeBob and Vladimir overthrow the Tsar by Maximilian Rampage and Winnier Baguasli. The latest revisionist historical children's book from the team behind such classics as Kellus Carlos, the slapstick conquistador, Copernicus, alien gobshite, hats of Abraham IV, the bulletproof stovepipe saves the day, and Queen Victoria was a man called Nigel. That's a book section in the bin.

Always, one of the key rules of comedy is open with quite a specific Marcel Proust joke. You've got to get that in within the first 10 minutes. Otherwise, are you even doing comedy? You got that proust down at the end? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, You gotta get him a ball with the proofs gear. If you leave until the end, they'll see it coming. Well, we're coming up to 15 years on the podcast. I think, I think I can chuck in a proofs gag every now and again. Once every decade and a half.

I can't wait till another 15 years passes and I'll drink a can of seltzer much like this one that will bring me back to this moment. Just in my mind, I'll be so present here, thanks to kind of Bruce's Salzer. Did he ever, I don't think he did merge, did he? Did Marcel Proust do merge? Well, he released his own line of Madlines. The Proust Madlines. Paul Newman was still everything from Bruce. I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I I think that's all the proof jokes for this week. The proofs kill. And he has loose. Good God. Top story this week.

The United Kingdom will have a new Prime Minister tomorrow, as we record. Tomorrow is Tuesday. Today is Monday. Liz Truss, the former Foreign Secretary until she gave up to campaign to be Prime Minister a couple of months ago, since when we've had no Prime Minister or Foreign Secretary, is to be the new leader of this country. She has, is walking into power after being voted in by 81,000 out of 170 odd thousand conservative members, less than half of the Tory membership voted for her. Soon I got to just over 60,000 votes. So 57.4%

of the 82% of the quarter of a percent of the population who were eligible to vote voted for trust is around about an eighth of one percent of the people of this country have elected Our new Prime Minister Nish. I know you're a massive democracy fan. You must have really enjoyed the stats on this. Huge, and this is a huge day in the United Kingdom's history. We have a new Prime Minister. It has been a contest that began in early July, and it felt like it's gone on for 750,000 years. But now, Listerus has won in a contest between her and Britishie Sunak. And the whole time people have been determining whether this contest should be deemed the lesser of two evils. It's more like a, listen, it's more like a contest to determine Britain's neater speed of file. It's not really the lesser of two evils, it's simply an unpleasant choice that we were

forced to make and most of us didn't get a say in it. Liz Truss won, as you say Andy, with around 81,000 votes. It's not a huge majority. And the margin of victory was actually even narrower than had been predicted early on in the campaign. List Trust was supposed to walk this through without any problems whatsoever. As it is, she's won by 57 to 42%.

And the reason that that margin is narrowed is simply her personality, her dreadful, dreadful personality. A day before the results were announced, opinion polling suggested that 49% of people who voted conservative in 2019 believed she looked like a Prime Minister in waiting in the beginning of August. This dropped to just 31% by the 30th of August. Liz Truss is like a biopic of Malcolm X starring Jim Carrey in the lead role. The more you see of it, the worse it gets and crucially,

it was pretty bad to begin with. But I mean, this is quite extraordinary. So we've had this leadership election. The voting process took almost two months since voting open. And these are 170,000 of the most committed Tories in the universe. They are the members of the Conservative Party. And still, one in six of them couldn't be asked to vote. They've had almost two months, this is not like having to vote on a specific day in an election, they've had weeks and weeks to do it. And still only 82% of people voted. So less than a half of the Tories Tories wanted trust as as as prime minister last night. Um, Josh, I was lying in bed.

I'm excited about the prospect of, um, of Boris Johnson no longer being prime minister and then sick to my very core, the prospect of let's trust being my prime minister. Uh, instead and there was an enormous thunderstorm. Yeah, one mega rumble of thunder rattled our windows as the skies cracked with the whip of doom. And I thought, surely this is a divine signal that appointing Liz Truss's prime minister has displeased all of the various deities who rule our universe. And to be fair, that did follow an even bigger thunder clap, which I think was all of those deities applauding the UK for

ditching Boris Johnson. I mean, in America, obviously, you've had political upheavals. Are people still interpreting the weather for divine signals now having more and more extreme weather events? I will say, you had an interminable feeling election decided by a few widely skewed votes and low turnout. Congratulations.

You just elected a leader, American style. I hope that was fun. That's kind of we have going on. I do feel like weather-wise, right? It is pretty ominous. I think Prime Minister is not like a, it's too lofty a title at this point for what these people are. Especially because it feels like just with the apocalyptic nature of everything, we're closing it on the Omega Minister. That's what's on the horizon. I will say, you had two months with no Prime Minister.

Boris Johnson was on the way out. They hadn't decided yet. I think maybe you just roll that forward, go stride the whip, no Prime Minister. I think if there was a general election now and absolutely no government or Prime Minister at all was an option, I think that would, particularly under a first pass, the post system, walk to victory. Yeah, she arrives in office in what can only be described as an absolute mother f***ing private in tray. There are real problems brewing. This strikes brewing. The

TUC Congress, which is on the biggest meetings of trade unions in this country, is going to start next Sunday. Liz Truss has already said that she promises to legislate within 30 days to restrict key workers legal rights to strike. So already, that's starting off on a bad note. And I'll tell you what nothing screams I believe in democracy more than we will restrict your ability to go on strike. There's obviously concerns about the situation in Ukraine. There's unlikely to be any shift in policy for that. This no suggestion that this trust is going to deviate from Boris Johnson's policy. We continue to provide weapons for Ukraine. With Brexit, there is by the 15th of September,

she'll have triggered Article 16, which would suspend parts of the Northern Ireland agreement, which is a bad idea on so many deep levels. The biggest problem that she faced, oh, and also the global pandemic, it's something about a global fact. I don't know. I think that that's,

someone's **** about, I don't know what's going on with that. But the biggest problem that she faces is the energy crisis with people's energy bills being about to double it in some cases, quadruple, businesses are facing closures. And thus far, this is the most immediate crisis facing the country. And thus far, Liz Trass has announced

absolutely cool to do with the energy crisis. Apart from her plan, which I think she's just released, which is her plan is to advice households to generate heat by huddling together whilst jacking it together, Andy. Thank you. I mean, as you say, going to be a bulging entry after six years of prexition, two and a half years of pandemic, seven months of a globally disruptive war, and above all, after 12 years

of conservative government involving largely Liz Truss, for any of the rest of anything of relevance. So at least she should be intimately aware of the contents of that intray. I mean, a bunch of things she's got to do apart from the cost of existence and people having some form of heating over a British winter is to fix absolutely everything

as well as doing everything else. So it's gonna be a tough tough, tough, tough job. And it has been, it has been time, because this campaign has been a very long, but also focused on this minuscule electorate. It has felt that it's been taken place, not million, a parallel country, but in some kind of alternative reality, and possibly an entirely separate universe. You know, and now the task people are saying is to bring the Conservative Party back together. Now usually the way the Conservative Party brings itself back together is by driving the rest of the

United Kingdom further and further apart. So what tools do you think they're going to whip out for that one? Well, I mean, at a certain point, you have to feel like the conservative party is gonna fall back on what it does best. Outright racism. And they always have that card to play and I'm pretty sure they're going to play it strongly. I don't even know what form it's gonna take. I think they're going to say that immigrants

are putting dog shit in our soup and also our siphoning heat off to heat their hot hot carries. It's hard to know what version this is going to take, but I feel pretty confident that that's going to be the starting point as it always is for the British Conservative Party. I think it's fair to say that she's coming in with low expectations, as I said, less than half of the Conservative membership voted for her, less than a third of Conservative MPs had supported her in the phase of the election where the MPs were choosing the two candidates to put to the party membership. One Tory MP was quoted in a newspaper this week saying that somehow what Liz is doing is dressing up her lack of ability as a form of authenticity,

which is not ringing endorsement for someone taking over the entire country. What about own MPs? There are also reports in the Miran News paper that a group of 12 Conservative MPs is already plotting to submit layers of no confidence in list trust and reinstate Boris Johnson as Prime Minister by Christmas. When ever you play that, I picture it like the end of a horror movie where the hand reaches

up from the grave, but it's just his hair popping out from the ground. Yeah, it's, those 12 people I can only assume are Boris Johnson's biological children, because at this point I have no idea what you mean, Michael Fabrican to say. Yeah, Michael Fabrican, yeah. And if you're not aware of Michael Fabrican and you're not sure whether or not he is one of Boris Johnson's biological children searching on the internet and that will be all the proof you possibly need, ignore the alleged dates of birth, biology trumps everything. Okay.

Well, I think low expectations, like that's taken us a long way over here. I think people when Joe Biden took office, there were, the day they announced the election results, it's very similar, people are on the streets going, it's not like super pro-biden, mostly anti-Trump partying, but otherwise kind of the enthusiasm that you might feel for a saltine.

And he announced the nullifying of $10,000 of college debt, people just started shooting guns off into the sky with joy. Or that might just be what we were doing anyway, over here, just firing guns, want to wait. just be what we were doing anyway over here. Just firing guns, want to me. I think part of the problem that his trust has is that her biography has not endeared her to the hardest of hardcore conservative voters. Largely because, I mean, if I was to answer the question

that's been answered asked in America this week, which is who is this trust, as opposed to the question that's been asked in the United Kingdom, which is who is Listras? As opposed to the question that's been asked in the United Kingdom, which is who? Listras! It would give you a very complicated political journey. So Listras actually grew up as a supporter of the Liberal Democrats. Now for context for international bugleers,

the Liberal Democrats are known in the United Kingdom as the, oh, oh, yeah! Them! They are the third party in a country famous for having a two-party system. It's like if Ralph Nader was a bunch of guys. She was a lived-em, whilst she was a lived em, whilst she was a liberal Democrat, she had to spoke at a party conference and advocated for the end of the monarchy. She then underwent some sort of reverse damacine conversion, like if St Paul had been visited by God and thought, I know I have to be more of a f***er and join the Conservative Party. And since 2010, she's been quite a sort of prominent member of that party. She was the Education Minister for a while, then she's promoted to the

Environment Secretary. She campaigned for remain in the Brexit referendum and then after the result is immediately sort of switched to a position where she said, actually I think Brexit is a great thing. But ultimately more than anything else, she is and has always been a conservative, I believe, because someone who knew Liz Trustman she was growing up described her as being a big fan of Cludo and Monopoly. And if games If games that involve backstabbing and being in favor of landlordism aren't more conservative, then I don't know what is. Wow. This kind of turn from the Libdown Party to conservatism, it feels very cursed in cinema. So do you think just for the help of the American audience, could we get her wearing some kind of funky purple glasses? Oh, she's one of those. I get it.

Well, I mean, that's unlikely to happen. The funky purple glasses, unless a photo emerges of Margaret Thatcher wearing funky purple glasses, in which she has imagined Liz Trustle, where eight pairs of funky purple glasses simultaneously for the rest of her reign. One of her first jobs is to assemble a new cabinet. Now choosing from the Conservative Party talent puddle will... That's a challenge, isn't it? It's not going to necessarily result in the plumpest crop of ministerial genius, because our political system has of course been specifically geared to producing candidates whose principal skills don't stretch too far beyond saying,

yeah, what he said, or occasionally, yeah, what she said, or just saying, boo. So that's, I mean, it's going to be interesting to see how much she sticks with the Johnson Lyle, and one of the first things she said in her speech today on taking it when she was announced as the new leader. I mean, she did say some quite weird things in what was quite a short speech, including the extraordinary rhetorical flourish. She said, we will deliver, we will deliver, and we will deliver, which is good to see her avoiding the rhetorical flourishes of her waffle-heavy predecessor. But I don't know what the, I mean, to say that, we will deliver three top. That is once again a savage attack on everything the conservative party has stood for over

the last 12 years. So, also, she failed to deliver the end of a f***ing sentence. Look, it's just a bad sign that she's kind of stealing ideas from Domino. Like, it is very close to a little Caesar. I don't know if you have little Caesars, but their slogan is just pizza pizza, and that's kind of what this felt like to me. Yeah, it was, I didn't just deliver it in her custom rhetorical style, which is printing out a yes-feet that would be delivered by a normal human being, removing all of the

punctuation, putting that punctuation into a shalt-salt shaker, and then just randomly distributing it across the page. And then having it delivered by a puppet, unaccompanied by a ventriloquist. She also said this, I think these were true words. She said some very, very honest words about the campaign. She said, I think we have shown the depth and breadth of talent in our conservative party. And I admired that level of honesty with the puppet. Just to lay those cards on the table,

saying, we've got nothing strapping everyone. It's like what I got, it's like what I got 12% in a geography exam in a year, right? It would have been the equivalent of me calling a press conference and saying, I think we all know how much I know about geography. How did you get 12% in a geography exam? I think we all know how much I know about geography. How did you get 12% in the geography? It was about the ordnance survey map,

and I didn't revise the ordnance survey map. I tried to buy it out. Vibes based geography and geographic classification has been assertive, enormous turmoil over the sorts of world of the course of world history. Yeah, that's basically how we ended our empire, wasn't it? It was Vives based geography. I am British, and if I cannot engage in Vives geography, then what was the point of any of this? What was the point of any of this? Well, you say you'll British, but we'll just have to see what this trust does in her. I think we'll sell this Prime Minister to see if that's so.

She's already absolutely murked. One brown guy. Interestingly, in a change to traditional protocol, this trust will become Prime Minister, not in change to traditional protocol, Liz Truss will become Prime Minister, not in Buckingham Palace, but she's gonna have to fly to Scotland to see the Queen who I think is in Balmoral Castle in Scotland, so Boris Johnson's gonna have to go up there and be sacked, but Queen has to sack the Prime Minister,

essentially, I don't see, hands in a P45, and a commemorative bottle of whiskey. Essentially, I mean, she's playing the, I'm 90 f***ing six card and the mobility issues, but really she just can't be asked to come down from London to London from Scotland for I believe the term she used is these clowns. It was different, different seawirds, different seawird seaword Andy. I do hope, she's 96 now, the Queen, I do hope that as an employee of Norwegian Airion, she spent the whole of the year from April 2021 to April 2022, singing, working 95 dolly part and style. She's gone down in my estimation.

She's gone down in my estimation. So what now then for Johnson apart from this rumoured comeback? I mean he's been very much, you know, we've had various people saying it's a disgraceful, snatched away from his beloved public, but he's very much, not just the architect of his own downfall, he has Frank Gary the shithead of his own downfall. He is Frank Gary the shit out of his own downfall. It has been an absolute bill-bout Guggenheim of self-destruction. I hope that like when any, you'll do the traditional thing that any head of state does

when they are removed from office, democratically, is they'll retire to their South Florida estate with their collection of top secret government documents. Just leaving to spend more time with classified information. That's just the tradition in recent history as far as I know. I imagine he'll go back to writing some of the worst newspaper columns, or at least the very least some of the newspaper columns that were most clearly dictated to someone typing them out in a stream of consciousness 40 minutes before the deadline.

Right, some of the newspaper columns, honestly, this bit is where he's like, am I hungry? I might be hungry. Anyway, oh wait, don't remind me to call that guy at seven o'clock. Anyway, are you still taping, take that burn out. Yeah, he's still white, remember to take that part out.

Oh, you know what, leave it in. We've got a word count to it. He-he-he-he. He-he-he. He-he-he. Moving across the Atlantic now to American news. And to exciting news from New York this week, Josh. Time Square is to be designated a gun-free zone from this week a new gun law

in New Yorkers going into effect. How is this going to affect you as a New Yorker, Josh, because I know you love to be tulled up. Yeah, well, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no're saying, not, well, not here, but this is real. There is a loophole, there are many loopholes. You can still have a gun in Times Square if you live in Times Square, or if you work in Times Square,

or if you're just on the way through Times Square, which does describe everyone. Uh, except people who I guess are planning to shop for a while in Times Square visit all of the things. So what they're saying is you can't have a gun in Times Square unless you've earned it with time served. That's really what they're saying. And this is just going to be another thing that lifelong New Yorkers complain about. They hate when Times Square gets less sketchy.

Like I can hear it now just like, I remember when you go to any corner in Times Square and smoke crack while firing off a few rounds into a crowd all while getting you dick sucked for an affordable price. Now it's just city banks and M&M stores. People are gonna be furious. New Yorkers are gonna be up in arms about this. I have the best, that was the best John Oliver impression of've ever had. He's changed. I am slightly shocked that they're attempting to enforce any laws on Times Square, given that earlier this year when I was in Times Square, it did appear to have been completely just full purge. A man attempted to sell me a Ziploc bag filled with marijuana while sat on a bucket.

Now I am aware that New York State has relaxed regulations around the legal side of the marijuana, but I'm pretty sure that is not for bucket-based vendors. It's actually, there's no, they don't have it given out licenses yet to sell marijuana even though it's legal to buy. So there are places that have just been like, fuck it, we're opening up anyway.

So there's active dispensaries that still behave like drug dealers, where you like walk in. And they're like, hey, you smoke weed? We got weed and it's like, him in. That's, you have a big sign that's just noise with a Z. I know you so mean here. Yeah. Well, I was fascinated by, was a detail in this article that in an effort to crack down on

a legal gun purchases, officials in New York have asked Visa and MasterCardin American Express companies like that to approve a new merchant category code for gun shops across the country because at the moment purchases made at gun shops are listed on financial statements as miscellaneous. Now, I mean, I think that's buying a lethal weapon. I think that goes beyond miscellaneous. I mean, miscellaneous is, you may be, I don't know, a piece of wood. Well, I think you're just dealing with just an issue of spelling. M-I-S-S-I-L-E-A-N-Y-S. And then, I think everybody wins.

Oh, that's so hard on you. I think it's a dabbing indictment of how far the Republican party's fallen. It turns out of its basic morality that the Democrats have taken a toll of the situation and decided, no, no, we must appeal to the morality of credit card companies. There's no point in even engaging with the Republican Party. We have to go to people who are, let's not beat around the bush, loan sharks with bits of plastic.

We've got it in list, the powerful, loan charge with bits of plastic. We've got it in this the powerful usury lobby. I was reading this article and I mean two things about it who really concerned me. Firstly, what does this gun band mean for Hamilton? And is the actor who plays the bullet now going to have to play a sharp stick that's thrown by Aaron Berra, Alex Hardableton, because the Richard Rodger Theatre, I believe, falls within the purview of this bad. The second thing they concerned me is there was an explosion in permits, in people applying for permits, because the law states that you can still conceal carry as long as you have a permit. And I guess like, I understand that like the Grand

Ownership Concept is very unfamiliar to British people. And also I suggest probably pretty unfamiliar to most of the Americans listening to this podcast. But I just, why do you need to carry a gun to go to Times Square? Why is that such a priority for you? You don't live in the old west. You have an iPhone and an Instagram account. I will say of all the places I go in New York. Times Square is the one where I most fantasize about committing violence. So I feel like extra legislation is necessary. But it also does work. Look, New Yorkers, shoot each other if you must. But please, think of the Doris.

Don't bring your guns around the Doris. Think of the mad dressed as Iron Man. He's been stood there all day. He keeps getting kicked in the nuts. Yeah, by Scottish visitors. Do you just think about the indignity of catching a stray bullet dressed in a dirty Elmo costume? The worst death I can imagine.

So, I mean, Nisha, it sounds to me that what you're suggesting then is that to carry a gun, you should have to be riding a horse. Is that a compromise that you would accept? 100% with Merika. I would 100% and at this point in terms of trying to get America to pass reasonable Guadalas and again not America, trying to get the 10 people in America who seem to count on this subject because I think at this point the overworld we would join two Americans all over Guadalas. At this point we are going to have to get creative. I would suggest the Democrats run a bill that's mandatory gun ownership for all my not ethnic minorities.

I think that might scare some of the Republicans into passing countermeasures. Or I do agree. I do absolutely think you should be able to carry a gun, but only if you're constantly on a horse. Well, that's just going gonna result in New York City. That just means cops will have more and more guns, and no one else will have any. It's gonna lead to the end while I pay you

D riding on a horse on top of a horse. I don't get it. I'm six feet. And the second, the middle horse, the Oreo cream horse is gonna have its own gun. Just in its mouth that it bites down on the fire. Well it's okay, it's a slightly curious conclusion to come to. That's what we need is, you know, making it more easy for more people to carry more guns

seems not to follow from the stats such as that one and a half million people have died in the last 50 years from gunshots more than have been lost by the American military and every single war since the war of independence combined so it's heading up towards 50,000 a year. I don't know if that is a target figure for the gun lobby. They will start to seek some kind of compromise. No, they're just going to keep changing the number on the sign. We're like McDonald's. Oh, 33 billion serve now, OK? And finally, this week, sports news now.

And Serena Williams' incredible tennis career appears to have come to an end. She has not officially announced her retirement, although it seems that she has retired, partly because of the language that she said she's evolving away from tennis after a career spanning, but almost two and a half after a career spanning, but almost two and a half decades, 23 grand slam titles. But I love this terminology, but you know, evolving away from 10, I mean, I feel I've been evolving away from comedy for some time now. But without that definite cutoff of playing my final, doing my final gig and in the, in the, Arthur Ashe statement. I mean, I think this is quite an exciting time in the language

of sport, this, the fact that you know, retirement is, well, soon become a, because she's hugely influential, Serena Williams, she has just changed the face of sport. And you know, she has now started face of sport and she has now started this trend where people will evolve into something different. I think it could be quite exciting that I think in just a few years time we'll have players playing their last match and then going into a special booth and emerging as something completely different to begin the rest of their lives. I think we will look back on this as a turning point.

I hope she's evolving into a difference for. I hope you see the reader Williams playing cricket next year. The only one thing that everybody wanted for was to pull ahead of Margaret Court. She's on 23 grand slam singles titles. Court still holds a Record at 24. And the reason that people want that is because Margaret Court is a turd.

And inspired the fact that she was named literally to be a tennis player. And I assume the record is only going to be taken by Jasmine Balls when she finally takes it. Margaret Court is an absolute turd. She's an opposition of safe sexd. She's an opposition of safe sex marriage. She's an opponent of safe sex marriage. And just in case you were forgotten how much of a turd she was, she popped up this week saying that Serena Williams

had played in a much easier era. It's quite the fact that when Margaret Court won her majors, a lot of the players just didn't go to the Australian Open. It's quite the fact that cross comparison of areas is often very difficult. It's quite the fact that the, you know, cross comparison of eras is often very difficult. It's quite all of that. Margaret Courts come out and said, that's much easy for Serena. And I think what it's good to remember is Serena is not only the greatest as a tennis player,

it's just so not a turd. Like Margaret Courts, who is, and I cannot stress this enough, a f***ing turd. Yeah, Serena Williams is amazing. One of the greatest athletes in history. I just, incredible. And she means so much to Tennis, right? There are people who, in their 20s,

and early 30s, I think, who didn't grow up knowing Tennis before Serena Williams, and they'll only know the Tennis world she's left behind and is leaving behind, which I think is really wonderful. She means so much to the game. She said she's evolving away. She's not retiring from tennis. She's gently breaking up with it. Well, that brings us to the end of this bugle. Do enjoy bugle as the warming sensation of Boris Johnson no longer being in a position of global responsibility. It's something, it's something in these benighted times.

Don't forget to book your tickets for the forthcoming bugle 15th anniversary live tour in London, Birmingham, Glasgow and Dublin details on the bug Google website. Click the live link at the top of the page. Anything to plug? Josh, do you survive and quickly plug while I go to myself? Sure. I am. Yes, I have a special out in our special called People Pleaser that's streaming where you stream things.

I think Vimeo is the best place for it worldwide, but it's also Apple TV and YouTube and Amazon. And I'm about to go on the road a bunch. This, this fall, so I'm doing, I've already got some New York stuff, some Boston, Pittsburgh. I'm going to announce Louisville and Cleveland soon. So I'm going to be all over. Come, come see me. Nish, yes. You finished googling yourself. No, I've got, I've got my, let me just, I think it's nice to let the Americans go for it.

No, just thank you. It's great gracious. The old War of Independence, Snafu. On October the 17th, in London, I'm going to be recording my tour show at the art theatre. So that's October the 17th, and there will be a 7pm and a 9.30pm show. About half of the tickets have gone so please buy those now. And then on the 28th and 29th of November I will be in Melbourne and then on the 30th of November and the 1st of December I will be at the Sydney Opera House, but crucially it will be the Sydney Opera House, the studio room that are the final two days of my tour.

Now, we had to add second shows because of a demand that is yet to manifest itself in the sales for the second shows. So, if you live in Melbourne or Sydney or live in Australia or anywhere in the southern hemisphere and are willing to really put in a shift Please please book your tickets details at nishikuma.co.uk I'm also doing some satirist for high shows for a week in mid-November Including my emotional homecoming show in Tombridge Wells. Yeah Tombridge Wells for about 20 years and my mum's coming to that so many people there so do come along to that details at my website which is vaguely up to date with

gigs and is also dot go dot UK we will be back next week with exclusive coverage on everything that's happened in the world between now and then time then.