The Bugle - World War Three!? Watch This Space!

Episode Date: January 16, 2024

Who are the Houthis and are we at war with them? What is going on with the British Post Office? And can people stop building tunnels? Plus... technology and a Bugle cocktail challenge.with Nish Kumar and Nato Green. Send thoughts and questions for Andy at [e-mail] follow to make sure you get every episode and please drop us a nice review or rating wherever you choose.PLUS: Become the owner of an exclusive episode of The Bugle, on 12 inch vinyl! It's your last chance to get your name on the artwork. Become a premium member NOW! https://www.thebuglepodcast.com/donateThis episode was presented and written by:Andy ZaltzmanNato GreenNish KumarAnd produced by Chris Skinner and Laur Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The Bugle, audio newspaper for a visual world. Hello, viewers! I am Andy Zoltzman and welcome to issue 4287 of the Bugle audio guide dog barking into the void to try desperately to ward off the unquenchable postman of reality. It is the 15th of January 2024, as we record, a day that will have already gone down in history by the time you unrecord. Sorry, listen to this pod last. And once again, we are looking at a world that is not quite living up to its potential for, let me just check the official numbers, the 1 millionth week in a row. And I think that basically coincides

with the start of the beginning of human civilizations we know it, I'm sure that's purely coincidence. Joining me today to shut the eyes and drink the teas are more than delighted, beyond ecstatic, borderline delirious to welcome, firstly, from up the road in South London, Nishkumar. Hello Andy, hello, buglers. Happy new year, how's 2024 treating yourself off?

It's going pretty well. It's going pretty well, unless you think about anything. Yeah, that's sick. So maybe that's what we've learnt, and now we're in the 50th year of the decade. Just ignorance is not bliss, but ignorance is tolerability, and I think... As long as you've managed to work out a way to mute the words news on all of your devices, it's absolutely... it's peaching. Also from up the road in South London, up the railway line, then along the underground, then into the airport, then onto an aeroplane, then an 8 hour flight, then a shuffle through immigration controls and a taxi ride through San Francisco, it's NATO Green! Hello Andy, hello Nish, hello buglers. How are you, Nito? You know, I've been thinking about the challenge

of being a political comic during times of great horror and how difficult it is to write jokes about horror, and it can be wondering what it would have been like if the bugle had been a going concern during World War 2. Would Andy have done a pun run of concentration camp names? Oh yes I think so. Would Nish Kumar have called Goables a c*****? Yes I think he would have. Would Tiff Stevenson had things to say about Hitler's fashion sense? Yes, obviously. I'll tell you, there would have been some pretty impressive background audio, given where Andy and I live in direct relation with some of the Bob and Campos.

We'd have had to do some bugles from an air-raid shelter for sure. Well, I mean, that sounds like some premium bonus, subscribe a content that we need to record or something. If we will spin off series. Yeah, also, if we all want to have our careers simultaneously cancelled, that might be the most efficient way of doing it. So, we are recording on the 15th of January. Tomorrow, the 16th of January is the 2050th anniversary of Gaius Julius Caesar Octavionus being granted the title Augustus by the Senate in Rome, thus kicking off the Roman Empire.

Yep, that's 2050 years ago. This second, the paperwork was signed to launch the all new continent conquering mega franchise. And news reaching us as we speak that Roman history from this moment in 27 BC up to and including the death of emperor and stoicism superstar Marcus Orrillis in 180 AD has just been bought by the Saudi Arabian public investment fund, meaning that amongst other things, the works of celebrity poet of it, the pioneering MMA arena, the Colosseum, and the Roman conquest of Britain have all been reattributed as achievements of the House of South. A few extra questionable slangs for dissenting voices to add to their catalog

too, so that's always nice. On the 17th of January in 1920, so 104 years ago, alcohol prohibition began in the United States. How's that going? NATO 104 years on? Is it looking, I mean, you did show us your booze cabinet just before we started recording. I was just going to say, he should probably fag for big loss that just before we started the official record NATO showed us what he described as his midlife crisis and it was a it was Dean Martin's liver Just spilled out onto some very very fashionable looking shelving Yeah, well, I mean look don't you need six or seven different kinds of amaro around that house. Yeah I did I did come back from a holiday in Spain about 18 months ago with 12 different

vanmooths so I'm not really in a position to judge, criticize, but only to admire NATO. No coward. Didn't have 12 different kinds of balloons. LAUGHTER MUSIC As always, our section of this podcast is going straight in the bin this week. Well, it's been the annual consumer electronic show, which we touch on every year, every January, the world meets. We reported last week on the smart B day, which was

exhibited at the CES this year. It's an annual festival that mixes human ingenuity with human tendency to use that ingenuity to make fucking ridiculous things that no one needs, which is not a modern thing. It's always been the way, well done, Oof, that's amazing, but I didn't actually need a picture of a bison on the wall of a cave that you have to crawl 50 meters to get to because I already have 34 other pictures of fucking bison there. You fucking idiot. It's always been the way it's just the way humans exist. So we look at some of the other exciting products displayed at the CES 2024. You might have read about AI pillows.

the CES 2024. You might have read about AI pillows. AI pillow, I think played for Derbyshire in the 1930s. You can now get an intelligence smart pillow, smart cat flaps, which I assume stops the wrong cat getting in, which is good news if you live in an area with a line infestation. Also, we review some of the the products you might not have seen, the Solitudeo Hermit Helmet, which is a special Helmer that keeps you blocked off from all reality and news. Just as Nish was calling for this product to come, well it's not quite on the market, it's just the first prototype, it's just a cardboard box at the moment, but it works, works pretty well. Also the Robotic Auto Queen, this is very exciting, could sell huge in

Britain still coming to terms with a loss of our beloved monarch 18 months ago. So you can choose from the VT1, the EZ1 or the EZ2 model, so that's Victoria Elizabeth I or Elizabeth II for your robotic auto queen, or LTF, that's Latifa for the international audience and provides all your queenic needs and the queen,ers of the Queen's Queen them which sadly ended in a month of Elizabeth as it's now called 2022. We review the Invisibarth, the world's first invisible bath. I'm not sure what the purpose is but it's nice to have the option of taking a bath without having to look at an empty bath whenever you're not using your bath. Smart stilts, they rise up and down to the fight with you to peep over whatever

wall offense you're trying to peep over. The Sculpe your tech Michael Angelive Insta David, which links up with your internet browsing history to work out your favorite celebs, family member, sports star or even politician. And every morning Sculpe's a life-size naked figure for you to enjoy in a purely artistic manner. Of course, you simply fill the Michael Angelive with powdered marble, set the timer and wake up to your own personal David with optional added speedos, if you don't particularly enjoy the look of plums before breakfast. We've got the, and also we review the speedy lunch smart sandwich. This is a very exciting development in food tech. The smart sandwich is filled with all manner of digestible and biodegradable food tech wizardry. It links up

wirelessly without wires to your smartphone. So you can follow how much of your sandwich you've eaten already, how much you still have left to eat, both as a percentage and a PNMR rating. That's a potential number of mouthfuls remaining based on scanning of your mouth size and data from previous sandwich eating. Plus, the estimated time required for you to finish your sandwich and how much work you could get done per mouthful by eating the sandwich at your desk using the optional accessory of an automated sandwich eating arm. Plus an ETCD, your estimated time of completed digestion.

So you can schedule in your UBBs unavoidable bathroom breaks. For the exact moment you will need to take your bath in the bathroom, as Americans would say. The Speedy Lunch Smart Sandwich also provide you with suggestions for bread type, filling, spread garnish and angle of cutting to maximize the nutritional value of your sandwich

while minimizing the time lost from your working day. And provide you with a 10 year sandwich planner with up to 3653 different sandwich options to ensure that you never repeat eat the same sandwich twice in a decade as Repetition is launching has been shown to decrease office productivity by up to 0.04 2% at just $79 per sandwich plus $99 for at desk drone delivery or a bargain $40,000 for a year supply the speedy lunch smart sandwich represents on a affordable way if you to lunch smart in

today's competitive marketplace. Exciting times to be eaten. And that section in the bin. Listen, ever since we mentioned the subject of Naio's extensive alcohol collection, I've thought of something that even as I say it, I know it's gonna come back to bite me in the ass because whenever I engage the listenership directly of this show it tends to end with my Wikipedia page being locked and only able to be edited by moderators. I'm just putting it out there, bugle cocktail menu. What are your bugle cocktail ideas? At the moment all I've got is a Kumar teenie and a Zoltman happened, but I'm sure people will be able to come up with some really, I probably imagine quite disgusting cocktail ideas. Right. Well this sounds like we are throwing this open to our listeners. Do email us in.

As I say, I do so with full knowledge, but it's gonna cut back a blop in my face I did once throw things open to the bugle listenership and it's ended up with I would say once a year Somebody asking me about when I'm planning to pitch nude with niche to a television But I'm throwing it out. I'm throwing it open to the bugle listeners The thing was nude with niches But I'm throwing it open to the bugle list list. The thing was nude with niches. I can't remember how long ago that was first suggested. Must be what, five or six years ago

that nude with niches was first suggested. Yeah, it must be surely. I mean, at that point, it would have been maybe top 10, 20% most ridiculous shows on the TV now. Yeah. I'm not sure it's even in the top half anymore. Anyway, send in your ideas. Chris, what's the current email address? Andy, it is hello, bugleys at thebuglepodcast.com.

So do, I'd actually somehow think we should get, we should try and get a little bit more. If you don't forget, if you are a premium level volunteer subscriber, you can email us in with questions for Ask Andy, the monthly subscriber only shown which are answer all your questions, but do send in your suggested bugle cocktails and any other car respondents to that email address. The Nate old fashioned. There we go. What makes an old fashioned, more depressed and somatic than it was already? I think it's going to be very hard for me to not quickly describe you as getting NATO green. Ah, the depressed somatic. That was your wrestling name wasn't it? Top story this week.

World War III might be breaking out again. This is basically the state that we're currently in as a planet that World War III might or might have already broken out. I did what I was thinking last Thursday, Nish, NATO. I was thinking we're over 10 days into the year, and whilst Ukraine and Gaza are still ticking along in full boom, there hasn't yet been an outbreak of armed conflict involving major global powers

that has the potential to escalate into something terrifyingly bigger. So, can't complain about the year. I've been receiving this consumer so far. Then, on Friday, it appears that Britain and America started bombing the Middle East, albeit a specific part of the Middle East targeting the Houthi rebels in Yemen-Nish. I know, I assume in all the TV shows you've done the various travel shows and things you must have done a bit of a stint with the Hoothies, like playing, I don't know, playing squash with Pooja Rebels or whatever. Definitely not Andy, if you'd done a stint with the Hoothies

they would have been cancelled already. This is the thing. The US and the UK has learned nothing. You don't get rid of these groups by bobbing them. You get rid of them by commissioning me to do a television program. I've taken down whole network, not even just individual programs. Are you telling me that if you didn't commission Nish hangs with the Houthis the entire situation in Yemen would be resolved within six months? Six months? That's one of you longer longer. It's yeah it's truly bad stuff. I think the news that the US and the UK conducting bombing campaigns in the Middle East is so familiar to me that I think it caused my virginity to return.

It's immediately put me back to 2002. The background to this is that, well, the background to this is a big black card that says, oh shit, everything's been fucked for a hell of a long time. But the more specific background to this is the Houthis are a group that emerged in the 90s and rose to prominence in 2014 after they rebelled against Yemen's government. There's been a civil war in Yemen that's been conducted with the Houthis who have the kind of Iranian backing and the military coalition led by Saudi Arabia. And there is no sentence or situation that begins, middles or ends well if it involves

the phrase military coalition led by Saudi Arabia. That is just an absolute recipe for disaster. The Houthis are also known as Ansarala, which translates as supporters of God, which is immediately a red flag. Any group with God in its name, or we love God, they're going to turn out to be definitely at best, as spicy bad to people. And it is difficult to observe lots of the kind of religious conflicts as they happen.

You know, the Yemeni Civil War has a Sunni Shia element to it. The Sunni is being the Saudi Arabians, the Shias being the Houthis. Obviously, what's happening in Gaza has a huge religious component to it between Jews and Muslims. And it can feel surprising, basically for someone like me who largely exists in a world of lapsed religious people. You know, I come from a long traditional line of lapsed Hindus. I'm currently doing a podcast with two of the most lapsed Jews in human history. I even know lapsed atheists. I know lapsed atheists.

These are people who, to be clear, don't believe in God. They just really hate the stand-up comedy of Ricky Gervais. And find his tone around atheism so unbearable that they beginning to will there to be an afterlife so that he can be consigned to hell. But yes, now the US and the UK have decided it didn't work the first time, so we're just going to do it again. It really is, it absolutely really is the Superman film of ideas. We just, it worked at one point, but it hasn't worked for a hell of a long time. And yet we still

keep doing it. So what kicked off the current, current flare up was a number of attacks on shipping in the Red Sea. Since November the Houthis have attacked more than 20 merchant vessels in the Red Sea using missiles, drones, helicopters and boats. The attacks of course considerable chaos in the global trade because the Red Sea is one of the world's favourite shipping routes ever since the Suez giant water slide fell down in 1869 and was repurposed in its new flat state as a canal. And the Red Sea is particularly crucial because these days NATO requires a ship to go up and down it rather than just the Moses with a special stick to magic, a special members

only crossing route. So you can see why it's so strategically important. The hoodies have said they're a tax on response to the guards, the guards are situation which should let me just check whether it's been sorted out. I'll just check the web page. Nope. Still I'm also I had that So that web page hasn't been updated for four thousand years. I'll just refresh it still no So it's a bit of a mess in November the hoothies seized the galaxy leader Which is not quite as exciting or sci-fi as it sounds, sadly. The galaxy leader being a ship, a 21-year-old ship of Polish origin, Japanese-owned

Bahamas registered classic 21st century child of the world. And they've been using it as a tourist attraction. There's still 25 hostages on board, which is not exactly a dream day out as a kid. Is it? It's got a playground. No. How about a playground. No. How about roller skating? No.

Would you like to go to the petting zoo? No. Well, you said yes, where you want to go for the day out, darling. I'd like to go to a hijacked cargo ship with 25 hostages on, please, mum. I'll tell you what, the hootsies really need to take more of a leaf out of the British government's book. Because what they're doing at the moment is they've stolen something and they're allowing people from their country to come and view it. What they should be doing is stealing something and then

allowing people from the country it was stolen from to have a look at it. That's basically the entire purpose and existence of the British Museum. Hey, people from other countries come and look at your own shit in our country. Politically, it's caused sort of an uproar in the United States because, I mean, you know, Biden did just did it. He just started bombing Yemen. The thing that I read in reading up on it that I realized that they're what they keep being described being described is the who the rebels what they control the capital and Normally if you control the capital you're the government So I don't know why they keep calling them rebels, but anyway the

Biden just did it and people like you bypassed Congress and Biden's response was sort of like, what do you mean? I can't just bomb the Middle East. This is what we do. So and the what Biden's policy in the Middle East is like it's sort of a masterstroke of like simultaneously being complicit in mass death in Gaza and starting a potentially escalating war with global powers and causing himself to lose an election in the United States in 2024 by alienating key constituencies and bring in Trump 2.0 it's difficult to like

Overstate how breathtakingly bad to like overstate how breathtakingly bad political calculation this is for the Biden administration because I guess he thinks it's just the 80s and it doesn't matter. And he like definitely didn't learn anything from 9-11. It reminds me that the containerships are no joke. Like containerships, I was at the beginning of the Iraq war. There was a protest at the port of

Oakland. Like the first day of the Iraq war, we blocked streets and San Francisco and they arrested us and it was a nice day. And then a month in, there was a ship going from the port of Oakland to deliver weapons to Iraq and we went to protest the ship and the Oakland police opened fire on us. the ship and the Oakland police opened fire on us. And it's a good reminder that if you start f***ing with global commerce, they will destroy it. If you want to do a hunger strike or wave a flag or put orange powder on a snoker table or glue yourself to a painting, have at it. But once you start mucky about with container ships, then it's on my Donkey Kong. Well, that means it just shows that how importantly supply lines are.

And until we get a global network of special vacuum tunnels drilled through the Earth's core to transport goods from anywhere to anywhere else, this kind of thing is gonna be problematic. So really, we've had that technology, I think, for at least, I don't know, say, 5,000 years. We could easily have done it. The Yemeni Civil War that you mentioned,

won the much-coverted award of World's worst humanitarian crisis from the UN in March of last year to 10 year conflict that has left over 20 million people in need of humanitarian assistance. But there has been some hope for a deep storming of the situation with various negotiations in progress. And a tentative fragile peace deal between the Houthis and Saudi Arabia, although that could be thrown into jeopardy

if the Houthis take over Sunderland football club bit of local rivals of the Saudi and Newcastle United. So we'll just keep you up to date with that. Vesion, for a few quick hoothy facts in our hoothy facts box, the hoothy are based in Western Yemen and are made up of an estimated 20,000 individual hoothuses who will light themselves politically with Iran. The kingdom of Houthitania was long thought to be fictitious, but in the 1980s it was discovered by, searching for evidence that Indiana Jones was real. The Houthi rebels take their name from Jean-Ferry rebel and his son Francois rebel, the 18th century French composers.

And finally, how many Houthi rebels take to change a light bulb? One, a slamer with most other people. And those are Houthi facts. I really feel, Nate, that you're not giving Joe Biden enough credit here because he did win an election on the basis that he was going to unite a fraction of the divided nation. And he has united them in that everyone thinks this is a bad idea. He has managed to be criticized for this bombing campaign by Iana Presley and Matt Gates. Those are two people who were not just politically

parliament. They're barely the same species. I am a Presley is a human being and Matt Gaetz, I believe, is some sort of sewer dwelling reptile. Yeah, he definitely, I mean, he did, he did unite the left and the right also in supporting the Israeli military. also in supporting the Israeli military. If you look at Congress, the right wing position in Congress and the Senate is that they just support the massacre in Gaza because they don't believe the Palestinians exist. And the liberals in Congress support the massacre in Gaza in a sort of like, its tragic that Israel has no choice but to massacre 20,000 civilians in the name of self-defense, it's too bad that Hamas keeps making them do that.

Yeah. Yeah, it's nice to see Liberals line up in support of the famous international liberal Benjamin Netanyahu. A man whose only crime is crime. Let's we forget. I mean, and let's we forget, I've said it before and I'll say it again, went to high school in Philadelphia. And if you're looking for someone to be both racist and belligerent. Will an Alphia high school student is gonna be your top choice.

Well, someone else have been weighing into the issue with words of wisdom. And that is the British defense secretary, Grant Shaps. And there's been many collections of words on the bugle over the last 16 and a half years that shouldn't have existed. And Defense Secretary Graham Shaps has to be right up there. But he is Defense Secretary amidst the current political chaos that the Conservative Party have enveloped themselves and the nation with. But he said Britain should prepare for further

wars involving China, Russia, North Korea and Iran erupting in the next five years. He said, we've come full circle moving from a post-war to a pre-war world. Well, for a start, that's half a circle. Not a very semi-circular half a circle either. It's more like a squiggly line that looks like a drunkard has tried to paint an extended middle finger on a moving bus. But anyway, you can sort of understand what he's trying to say. We're, we're, he's, he carried on said, an age of idealism is being replaced by a period of hard headed realism. So it's age of idealism. I'm sorry if you missed it, I think it lasted for about 48 seconds doing the fireworks display on Millennium Night. And hard-headed realism. Well that's not really been massively prominent in certainly Grand Chapters Conservative Party over the past 13 years

that they've been been in power. And what headed a quittery, that's generally been their MO for as long as anyone can remember. But I'm not sure hard-headed realism is what you think of when you think of Grant Chaps. And we should remember, this is, we have to take it with a bit of a pitch of shawl, this is as I said, Grant Chaps talking a politician best known for being inexplicably in office and also for pretending to be people that he isn't. So, strange times. Strange times. The one sort of, one of the key positives for Rishi Soonak, and I'm using key there incorrectly. I meant to say one of the only positives for Rishi Soonak at the moment,

who this morning has received some polling data that when you plot it out in a graph, spells out, go f***** yourselves. One of the few positives here is that he has had a bit of an opportunity to sort of, you know, look like a bit of an internationalist and actually repair his reputation with the White House. The relations with the White House and Downic Street have been pretty sort of fried of late. But Grant Shaps even managed to this in no way positive for anyone other than one specific guy in Britain situation because he was asked before the attack on the who these

happened whether it was going to happen he used this phrase watch this space watch this space that is not an answer to a question if the question is Are you going to bomb people in the Middle East? That's the answer to the question when is your mixtape dropping? Moving on now to Britain news and exciting times here in the UK, we no longer need a legal system at all because it turns out that TV drama does the job far more efficiently, a national scandal dating back 25 years, which has been sort of in and out of the public eye to various degrees over that time, has been jabbed forcefully into the public eye socket by

a hit TV drama series, Mr. Bates versus the post office examining our hundreds of post masters working for the post office faced prison, financial ruin, career devastation, public abuse, all because of a Dickey computer program allied to massive institutional failings in the post office. Now, initially, I mean, this has been, it's not sort of right to say that it's been completely ignored. Oh, this is a lot of people have done some great work, trying to push it forward, but it did take this hit TV drama on ITV

for people to properly give a shit about it and for politicians to start. Talking about it as a mainstream issue and one of the great miscarriages of justice in our country's impressive history of miscarrying justice. Yeah, it's faulty completely software. It resulted in basically it made it look like the people running the post offices were stealing money when, in fact, that they weren't. And it had huge and significant real-world consequences. 230, around 230 post office workers were imprisoned on false charges of theft and fraud.

Thousands of others were implicated. It's been, the scandal has been directly linked to linked to I think four suicides as well. It has been a horrific and completely it seems sort of unnecessary, miscarriage of justice and that's just the result of, as you say, I do a folky computer system and then massive institutional failure. And there's been so much journalism about this, people have written books, people made podcast series, but here's the thing, Toby Jones is a very good actor. And it turns out that was all we needed.

The entire time was just whack Toby Jones in a drama. And I'm going on stand up to it later this year. I'm thinking of having myself fly by Toby Jones, just to guarantee that people give a shit about the goddamn shot. I might just wheel him out at the end to heighten the emotional significance of everything that I'm saying.

Yeah, so it was a dramatization of one of the cases that the real man is a guy called Alan Bates who sort of spearheaded the legal battle against the post office and the false accusations around 3,500 people. And what it has done is it's meant that there are actually going to be consequences for this thing. I mean, so far, the only consequences have been the former post office chief executive, Paul of Vannells, who to return her CBE. So arguably, we would like more consequences than acronyms being removed from people's

names. I know. I sort of feel like my concern here is that she goes, listen, I've given back my CBE, so I think we can all agree. Nil Nil. Yeah. Case closed. Let's just draw a line underneath it.

What is CBE? So that is a citizen of the British Empire, which is one of the honours that were now the British honour system is one of the many many arcane and agronistic ismical and agronisms with which we like to dilute ourselves that we're still the greatest known nation in the entire universe and they sort of vary. You put empire in the name. Yes exactly. So the empire, I mean, just to bring you up to speed, doesn't entirely exist anymore. But just to bring you up to speed. It doesn't entirely exist anymore. But for whatever reason, I'm not judging, not saying it's right or wrong, that it ended just, you know, some things, you know, there's a time to end everything. But we still keep it in the name of the

honest that are given out by the government, OBEs, CBEs, MBEs. I mean, is it, you may ask, time for us to let go, but I would say to the rest of the world, just let us in Britain work through our post-MPA national relevant syndrome issues at our own pace, because our PENIS is huge and we can't stop thinking about it. I would like to invite the audience of the Bugle II right in with suggestions of what the E for Empire to be replaced with in future honors bestowed by the craft. I mean, I think in many ways what Paul of Anels has done is completely inappropriate. Like because I think there could not be any more apt situation for someone to have an

honor that has the word empire in it. If what you've presided over is systemic cruelty, institutional incompetence and the exploitation of poor people, that is the British Empire through and through. And if we're going to keep Empire in, let's start rewarding people for appropriately empire, reminiscent crimes. Like if you get, you know, in trouble at work for destroying official documentation that proves about feasants, you should immediately get an order

of the British Empire. That's what this damn thing was about. If Marbencavia should definitely be lined for some sort of honor for the British Empire. Well, I mean, what is one of the most faffling things about it? There are, I think, some like 1150 post offices in the UK. And you'd think if you ended up prosecuting hundreds

and hundreds, even thousands of people who ran them or worked in them, you might think this does seem like an awful lot more prosecutions than we usually do. Should we just make doubly sure there isn't some common factor that's causing it to look like all these people are stealing or this money. It is absolutely baffling and it should show how much we just blindly rely on technology. And also the power of institutions that a lot of people are basically coerced into pleading guilty

in order to avoid more severe punishments. People were paying back the money. They were accused of stealing out of their own pockets just to make the threats of prosecution go away. It is a dark, dark stain on this country's recent history. The computer company responsible for the Fulti software was Fujitsu. The software was caused horizon. That's caused these decades of suffering and injustice. However, times have moved on the computer company, which has followed Fujitsu and now provides the successor software to the original horizon is called Fujitsu, and that new improved software is called horizon.

So that's just the way we do things in this country. So the government has now said it will overturn all the convictions of a sub-post-masters effective, which sets a dangerous legal precedent of the government getting involved in the legal process. It comes at a risk of some wrongful exonerations, which probably doesn't. It might be just a rare case of two wrongs making a bit of a belated right. Ideally, this would be settled through proper legal channels, but the government is obviously fully aware that it's been running the legal system

for the last 13 and a half years, and it is, King clogged up with years worth of unheard and delayed cases. Maybe someone could invent a computer system that comes up with spaces on who is or isn't guilty. American news now, and well well there was only... You were sick! You were sick!

There was I think one view will co-hosts that we could really have got to talk about this story. I mean any story that involves the phrase, secret underground tunnel is bound to get our full attention as a species. It's probably just some evolutionary relic of how we all come into the world. But when this phrase, secret underground tunnel, also, the story also includes phrases such as illegal excavation work, brawl between police and acidic Jewish worshipers, alleged messiah, synagogue versus cement truck, and just fill the f***ing thing back up, back up

with concrete mate. Then this is one of the great news stories of all time. NATO, you are our Jewish people digging tunnels under synagogues corresponding. This is absolutely sensational, isn't it? It's quite incredible. So, I mean, obviously, there's been a lot of talk in Hullabaloo about Hamas having tunnels under Gaza and like it's some big thing. But watch out, here comes Habbad. Last week there was a brawl between Hasidic Jews in Habbad and New York police.

A secret underground tunnel had been discovered. The police wanted to close it because it was illegal and unpermitted and so the Jews went to fight them. Now, I should say if you haven't spent time in Brooklyn and don't know about the Lubbivature Casas. It's so Jewish there that when I go, I am not Jewish. Like, and so it's the home, it's Habad World headquarters, and there's like a synagogue and there's some other buildings, and so people had burrowed 60 feet of tunnels underneath the buildings. and some other buildings, and some people had burrowed 60 feet of tunnels underneath

the buildings. The police came and a group of young men were blockading the tunnels to prevent them from being sealed, and they fought the police. Once again, as is so often the case, when police are confronted by Jewish protesters, the police did not fear for their lives. The Chabad was once led by Rabbi Menachem Schneerson, who died in 1994, the so-called Lovevature Revy. And some of the young men in Chabad believe both that he is the Messiah and still alive at the same time. Neat trick if you're the Messiah.

Because the Messiah is supposed to go away and come back. You know what I mean? Like, which is it guys? Is he gonna go away and come back at the end time or is he just like chilling and brookling eating in a halal cart? If he is the Messiah, just from an artistic point of view, he was quite an old man, wasn't

he, when he allegedly died? And you know, Jesus was a hot young dude. And I mean, it's going to be a challenge for artists to make that look quite as exciting as Rick Jesus with an absolutely sensational six pack, isn't it? Yeah. Bugal listeners, if anyone wants to send some nice oil portraiture of a loincloth wearing Rabbi Minakim Sniusim, please email it to Nishkumar at the Bugal So, but so their his devotees were the young men it was all the men who were arrested were between 1922 and they were all they were a part of a breakaway group or a division within the Chabad movement that believed that Minachem

Schneerson wanted them to expand, which I get. That part makes sense to me. But specifically, one of them to understand, expand by burrowing underground where they already were, which is the part where they lose me. Like if the Messiah wants you to expand, your answer answer is let's build a wine cell. Let's build a wine cell or a dungeon and call it a day like it's a weird form of messianic expansion. So I think it's it's an interpretation of what the Messiah wanted that was both literal and wrong. I wanted that was both literal and wrong. So, but and then their tunnels, they build 60,

they dug 60 feet of tunnels that threatened the structural integrity the buildings above them, at which it just goes to show that these Hasidic Jews, they're no Hamas, that if they wanted some good tunnels, they needed to get Hamas in there, they make some tunnels. And if you're wondering, wondering yes there is a whole series of videos on TikTok of how Hamas built tunnels so but I don't know what it what's these this like it's such a weird thing of like religions

religions in their tunnels man Hamas tunnels, Hassits tunnels, druids tunnels, 12th century Finchailed monks near Durham, England tunnels. If you're a religious fanatic you're like I want to do one thing is commute with the Lord and also burrow underground. I want to get closer to the Lord and earthworms at the same time. It's like a very weird manifestation of faith though. Why do they try to dig closer to hell? It's like a very weird manifestation of faith. Why do they try to dig closer to hell? Yeah, right. It's just how hard it is to get a building permitted in New York.

Um. So the attorney for five of the men who are arrested said his clients may have suffered from a little naivety. But I had no intention of harming the building structure. I mean, does that count as naivety digging a tunnel under a building without thinking what happens if this ruins the building above it? I think that's a little more than naivety, is it?

I have to say, if you don't realize that digging a tunnel directly underneath a building might affect structure, that goes beyond naivety. That is like me getting 16% on a geography exam in Year 7 at school and saying, listen, in the end, I was quite naïve to think I could guess what ordnance survey symbols meant. The, the, it's like these, they live to study the text. They love, they study the Torah. That's their, they have a deep connection to our classic texts. And as a Jew, I have to say the texts are perfect.

The Torah, the Talmud are perfect and inspired by God, but dodgy on the details of what constitutes an effective low bearing war. Look. But. Obviously this is a hugely entertaining story. also obviously because it's a hugely entertaining story that involves Jewish people. It's provoked and deluge of antisemitic comments because, well, it's the 21st century, the

internet exists and humans have a statistical tendency to act like. So, there we are. It's a story in many ways that sums up where we are as a species. We can't even enjoy a funny story about some weird people digging tunnels without people being antissimistic. We don't deserve funny stories about tunnels as a species. I just quickly before we go NATO, the what the 2024 presidential election begins in earnest in the next few days with the Iowa primary. Can you give us a little dose of optimism to start the year? That's going to be a no fam. Always with the nose. Always with the nose.

It's going to be no for me. Just time to plug the Bugle Live tour in March across the UK details on the internet, specifically at thebugelboxast.com. Do help keep this show free, flourishing and independent by joining the Bugle voluntary subscription scheme. Give a one or four, a current contribution, go to thebugelboxast.com and click the donate button also. As Chris told me to do last week, I'm going to tell you to follow the show, which apparently is youth talk for subscribe.

Nish, anything to plug? Yes, I actually have a, you can buy my stand-up special from my website, nishkamar.co.uk. It should be of some, I guess it will be of some interest to Bueglis specifically, because it's a stand-up show, largely dealing in the aftermath of the Lord's Tavan as Bread Rollins. Which was actually covered for the first time on the Buegl. I think the Buegl, I think after it happened, it happened, which was actually covered for the first time on the bugle. I think the bugle, I think after it happened, it happened. It was in the news and then we did the bugle,

I think, a couple of days later. And Andy attended the recording dressed fully in his Lord's Tavanagh's cricket uniform. Yeah. After he did this, after he did the same gig in what actually turned out to be something of an incident free performance. Sadly, I did not have such an incident free performance. And the show is called Your Power Your Control. And it's available from nishcoma.co.uk. And it deals in the specifics of that incident and the kind of aftermath. And the subsequent meeting I had with the police to discuss death threats and you know a lot of a lot of fun stuff in there. So yes if

you're a bugle fan that remembers that incident or if you're the bugle fan who turned up to one of the performances I did of the show I'm'm through a bread roll at the, before I would say quickly coming to regret that decision. It would, yeah, I'd suggest buying it. And also the great thing is that it's £9.99, which thanks to the actions of the Conservative government in the last decade, is worth a lot less in other currencies than it wants, what? You can hear it in this year's performance

in said episode of the Bugle in top stories later this week. Oh, yeah, that's right When this does he's bloody voice over yeah, this the unspoken issue at the heart of a lot of this plug-in is I need to get back to Andy about dates for the live shows and I need to record the Even though I would add amazingly I would say that this is one of the most competent plugs we've ever done of the bug. Yeah, pretty good. I think I might, I might write a stand up show about how well my Lord's Tavenors Christmas Ringshot. Tremendous charity. Nice. So what have you got to plug?

Well, as usual, Mr. Ninaino Green on Instagram, a couple of albums out January 27th and 28th. I'm doing some political shows for SF SketchFest. 27th is a standup show and 28th is is the live podcast of the BITUATION ROOM, some political chat. February 3rd, I'll be in Portland, Oregon at the SIREN Theater. And then February 10th, 17th, the 24th of doing a run of shows at the Berkeley Rap Theater with W. Kamau Bell getting the band back together. That's it. This is the best plugs we've ever done.

Everybody knew all of the things that they needed to know. Everyone had the websites. We didn't also, I mean people say that the plugs are bad. I'm like Chris edits them. Like, as bad as they sound, he's cut out various episodes. I've done of this. People go, oh, hang on, let me just, I just see you quickly Google myself just to, so you think the plugs are bad, but you're listening to an edited version of them. As they say, Nish, you can't polish your turd. But you can't get it to prep what its website you are at, Lys. Right, that's it.

Thank you for listening to Beelos, thanks as always to Nish and NATO. Thanks to Chris for putting it all together. We will be back next week with Realina and Josh Gondramon until then. Goodbye. will be back next week with Realina and Josh Gondramon until then goodbye.